Original subtitles

You got in, then you can get out again.

-That one wasn't there then. -There is space.

No. If it beeps long, there's no more space.

If it goes "beep, beep" then there is space.

Please for once believe me.

Why have a parking aid if you ignore it?

We don't ignore it, we acknowledge it. There.

This is a distance meter. It measures the distance.

Michael, just drive.

Okay. You know what? Fine, I'll just drive. Your responsibility.

Great. You hit it, you noticed it, right?

-You just told me that I should drive! -There was space.

Shit, we really should have left a note.

-There was nothing. -There was a dent.

-No, it was maybe a bit of dirt. -No, we have a responsibility.

Yes, we do. And that means not spending more than 30 minutes

-with the customer today, okay? -So we can finally be more efficient.

You got it, but also because Hertha is playing.

Oh God.

VICTOR DELIVERS

That's the bell here, right?

No idea.

Hello?

Please touch the scan field.

No, now it turned red.

Well, sorry.

Come on.

Nothing happened.

No bell.

Hello?

I hate this shit.

Please change the finger.

-Please change the finger. -I did.

Please change the finger.

Hello?

-Hello? -You've got mail.

Well, that'll be fun.

Shit!

Michael, listen carefully. If I say, "Give me the screwdriver,"

then you act stupid.

-What? -That's my boy.

-"Easy Smart Home Controller." -Yes, as if "easy." I hate this shit.

If we're unlucky, it will take hours to set up.

If it causes us problems, we'll turn it into an R-17 and bye.

And what is an R-17 is?

Defective device returned to the manufacturer and replaced.

Hi, Viktor Brings It. We got your smart home controller.

You are on time.

We are always on time.

I thought you'd be at least an hour late.

Punctual technicians. You can't rely on anything anymore.

Come in, come.

Entrance door locked.

The door will open again, right?

Well then, let's get started. Where is it?

Who?

The router. We just have to get to it to replace the controller,

-it'll be quick. -Quick?

Yes, the new controller uses Thread.

Thread is a wireless standard for IoT products.

This means the devices can be connected faster and easier.

-Exactly. -I thought it would be really complicated.

No, it's pretty easy now. Where is it then?

Who?

The router?

I think it's in the back of the living room.

-You think? -Yes.

Yes. I think it's behind the cupboard.

A fat smart home but don't know that?

This isn't my "fat smart home."

-You don't live here? -Of course not.

-You aren't Mr. Deubner? -No.

Okay.

Then you are a friend?

-No. -A neighbor?

No.

-Brother? -No.

-Brother-in-law? -Work colleague?

No.

Are you maybe his sister?

There are way more non-cis people than we think.

But you know Mr. Deubner?

No.

Okay.

So, you are...

I'm a waiting pro.

Sure, so you're particularly good at...

-Waiting. -Waiting.

Waiting.

You can book me. Via app.

Via app?

Well, unfortunately, I don't have a fax.

Cool, and then you get paid to wait?

You said the router is in the other room, right?

I go to town hall for you and wait for your new ID card.

I wait for the technician who comes between 9 am and 4 pm. If he comes.

And of course, I wait in the post office lines and hand in return packages.

A waiting pro, huh?

It's amazing what's out there.

Well, at least you can always sit in the line, right?

And this makes money?

I have two employees. These days, we have everything except time.

Available time is the new luxury. And that's how I make my money.

Smart cleaning activated.

My prof says, "We have less time than our grandparents did."

-That's because of these things. -Why?

You have your drill, I have my cell phone.

-That's the same thing. -No, it's not.

My drill doesn't call me all the time and want to get information from me.

That's the problem with these things. Everything has to be instant.

You can check stuff straightaway, do an update,

you can order a thousand things straightaway.

Understood. Ordering process for missing products is activated for right now.

-Quantity: 1,000. -That's not good.

Butter, 1,000 ordered.

Pack of ten organic eggs, 1,000 ordered. Oat milk, 1,000 ordered.

-Abort! -Understood!

Abort smart cleaning.

Abort ordering process.

Champagne, 1,000 bottles ordered.

-It'll be a great party. -Mayonnaise, 1,000 ordered.

Tofu schnitzel, 1,000 ordered.

Quinoa, 1,000 kilograms...

There.

He said it right?

Emergency power activated.

-Update necessary. -Shut up!

Pull!

What do you think I'm doing? Yoga or something?

This can't be real. Stop, stop, wait. Both of us, on three.

-Okay. -One,

-two, three. -Two, three.

What's in there?

-No idea. -Stones or something?

Let's look.

Stones.

Crazy.

Cool! Hey, I think that's a meteorite.

-They cost a lot of money. -Nonsense. That's a sauna stone.

So if anything, it's a volcanic stone.

Volcano, meteorite, sauna, I don't care.

Fact is, this thing weighs a ton.

Well, maybe he has a winch on his wheelchair.

A joke.

-Well, don't do that. -Okay.

Excuse me...

-I'm working. -Sure.

Do you ever take a break?

-Sure. -We have a problem.

A bigger one?

A lot of heavy ones, I would say.

Very good.

-What? -I get paid by the hour.

Nice for you, we don't. We don't have much time and a lot of appointments.

It's not my problem.

-It is. -How so?

Because...

Because you'll get a bad review.

Exactly.

Why should I get a bad review if you don't do your job?

Since we will simply note that you have practically handicapped us here.

Handicapped?

-That you didn't help us. -That, exactly.

You want me to help you get the stones out of there?

You want to be treated like normal people, right?

-Normal? -Can you chill a bit?

Normal is exclusionary!

Michael, normal is normal. Normal is the norm.

The average, you know?

Like a Phillips screwdriver. This is normal.

-Is that the codeword? -What?

-Did you just say screwdriver to me? -No.

Of course he didn't say that to you.

-I said Phillips screwdriver. -So, not the codeword?

-I'm a Phillips screwdriver? -No, not at all.

You're more like a Torx screwdriver.

-A Torx screwdriver. -What about it?

A Torx screwdriver is a top tool!

Has an ideal power transmission! These things are great!

You sound stressed.

I'll activate relaxation mode with the scent of lavender.

Go ahead.

Can you step aside a bit? Move?

Are you serious?

-It's okay. She's right, time to relax. -Yes, relax.

It's not about relaxing, it's about making decisions.

At some point we won't be able to do anything.

Then we just sit on the couch and let the AI do everything.

-There are worse things. -Yes.

The Finns even have a word for it: Kalsarikännit.

"To get drunk at home in your underpants."

Cool. What I've always wanted to ask, how does it work with drinking and driving?

Yeah.

Deactivate relaxation mode.

Michael!

We are in charge of how we deal with technology.

Yes, it can't be helped. The stones have to be cleared out.

Yes. And we have to mark all of them.

-All of them? -Yes, and take a photo.

So that we can put them back correctly again.

-Stone by stone. -No, it won't do.

I know about "not doing" and I tell you it will do.

No, we won't do it. We are technicians and not sauna stone photographers.

Okay, good.

Then I'll complain to your client and tell him you called me a screwdriver.

-Phillips screwdriver. -Torx screwdriver.

Yes, come on, let's do it quickly then.

What quick? Do you...

But only if he joins in.

Azaknics, 2A, right?

Azaknics. The Azacniks?

-Ataxit. -Ataxites.

-A really smooth C. -C. Sorry. I'm overtaking.

So, D. No, that's C.

Number...

2C.

Right-hand traffic, right?

Now go and check, please.

You're not really any help.

So, where is the great technology when you need it?

Failed because of a few stones.

It goes on 3D.

What's up? What happened?

What's up?

Sit down. Do you need water? I get some.

No, it's all right.

All right...

You have to be careful.

You know why.

Because of...

You know?

From your mother?

I happened to be with her that day. She was...

really very down.

Because of the maintenance?

-I told her, it's not a problem, I can... -Because you have cancer.

Have you ever tried mistletoe therapy?

My aunt's hairdresser beat cancer with it.

It also helps with digestive problems.

Why didn't you tell me straightaway?

-Why didn't you say something? -It's not that bad.

-Yes? -Yes.

What does the doctor say?

The doctor. What does he say?

The doctor... Doctors, they talk, I don't understand half of it myself.

Now tell me, what does the doctor say?

The doctor says...

the... the thing... the therapy...

is working.

Effective.

Chemo?

Yes.

Shit, really?

Yes.

Yes, but it's not that bad. Really.

-So curable? -Curable?

Yes, sure. Curable? Come on, curable.

Of course it is curable!

-Happy to hear that. -Yes.

Mom will be happy, too.

Yes. Yes...

It's not completely over yet, right?

Can be tricky to treat.

Testicular cancer, not something to be trifled with.

My yoga teacher's grandfather died of testicular cancer.

Yes, that can happen.

Yes. For him, it happened very quickly.

I'm happy to come to the doctor with you next time.

You don't need to do that.

-You don't have to be alone. -No problem.

Yes, not for me either.

You have better things to do with your time.

-Have an ice cream with your girlfriend. -Yes, Ruby would come, too.

-Maybe we can have ice cream afterwards. -Yes.

No.

It makes him uncomfortable.

Show a little empathy.

A little bit.

Sorry.

So, let's do it.

-I'm fine now. -Yes.

You stupid, stubborn thing.

I'll get an axe and turn you into firewood!

Keep your eyes open when choosing a career.

Not everyone can get paid to do nothing.

No, I'm not doing nothing. I'm waiting.

-Sure. -Humanity has always waited.

-For the mammoth herd, the rainy season. -The invention of the wheel.

My job is future-proof. In contrast to yours.

-What's that supposed to mean? -Seriously?

You are aware that AI will take over all simple processes in the future?

Nah, wait a minute. Our job is easy, or what?

You said yourself, "The installation is now completely easy."

Yes, well, waiting isn't that complicated either.

-Any idiot can do it. -Did you just call me "idiot"?

-Any robot can do it. -Yes, you don't have to do a thing.

I'm doing something.

I also have an app. I'm already digital.

Fine, but not when sitting and waiting.

-My job is more than sitting and waiting. -Yes?

Post office, for example.

Try being a robot and deal with a bad-tempered postal worker

who says, "The package is too big."

-That worker will be replaced by a robot. -Really?

Better do your job. While you still have it.

Yes.

-The postal worker will also... -Yes, he will be...

Let's do this as a team.

-Yes. Do you want top or bottom? -Me bottom, you top.

-On three. -On three?

-Yes. -Okay.

And push.

There's nothing there.

-Oh. -What "oh"?

I'd have sworn it was there.

That the router is here? Weird.

Says the person who gets paid by the hour.

One has to watch out for oneself.

I'll unscrew your wheel and then you can watch out.

Enough.

Now it should...

Cam scan...

There. And...

connect. Connection established. Perfect. Close. Super.

So, I'll turn on the light for a moment.

Great, that was easy.

That was easy.

New controller found. Added refrigerator to smart home base.

-That's good. -New base found.

New controller password.

-Now create your new controller password. -We need a password.

-Please assign a new password. -Understood.

Your new password is:

"Please assign a new password."

Understood.

Your new password is: "Understood.

Your new password is: Please assign a new password."

-That's not good. -Error.

Please check your controller password.

-Error. -Not correct.

You have two attempts left.

Error.

You have one attempt left.

-Abort! -See? No worries.

AI will remain stupid for a while longer and we are still needed.

Lockdown activated.

What's going on now?

Burglary protection.

What was the password?

"Please assign a new password!"

Please enter the controller password.

That's the password!

-Michael, give me the screwdriver! -Ah, okay.

-Where are you going? -Codeword!

No, the other one, the mini-Torx!

That, yeah. Wait.

-Careful. Where is the other one? -Here.

-Sorry, may I? Ouch. -Sorry, sorry.

-The screwdriver... -You're in the way.

Reverse gear maybe?

-No screws. -Classic R17.

That's my boy.

Come on.

Let's go.

-Hold this. -Okay.

No problem. I'll stay here and wait.

Please change the finger.

I have already tried all the fingers.

-Please change the finger. -I have no finger left.

Hello!

Guys! I have 1,000 bottles of champagne for you.

-That's not for us. -Bye.

And now?

Why are you laughing, Michael?

Same shit every time.

Come on. Drive. Drive!

-Hello? -Hello.

Hello. I have a delivery for you.

-Please change the finger. -I can

offer my toes, that's it.

...MEANWHILE IN SAN GIMIGNANO, LICHTENBERG

I just hope it's the right parts this time.

Hey, I ordered this especially from Italy.

Here are two cables, here is the opening.

-What? -Can you manage it?

Yes, sure, no problem at all.

Maybe this way, right?

Translation by Melanie Martin