Original subtitles

There it is. Beautiful.

It's unbelievable.

A ton of people watch this video.

-Ten million viewers? -Told you.

-It's a chicken! -Now it has sponsors, TV appearances,

and its own show. Maybe even the Sanremo Music Festival.

-As a guest? -No, as a host of the festival.

Indeed, it's phenomenal, look at it. It's incredible.

Car 12?

Latest intercepts say that the shipment will arrive in two weeks.

Actually, the shipment is confirmed.

Felice tricked them, it's arriving tonight. Get ready.

This chicken cracks me up.

Wait, it arrives tonight, Toni?

NO ACTIVITY: ITALY

-Are you wearing sweatpants? -Yeah, I am wearing them.

-Aren't they the outfit of defeat? -Right. Just the outfit of defeat.

Marcello, they tell us to just wait. "Wait, wait."

We do nothing but wait.

I feel like a shark, but they treat me like a goldfish, get it?

In a fishbowl.

It's better to be a goldfish in a fishbowl.

Because there's no storm in there.

With my wife, I fucked up asking her to have a baby.

-For real? -Yes.

I raised the bar. She told me:

"I'm 50. You come out with this baby thing just now?"

-Come on. -Sure.

So we did what all childless, struggling couple do.

-Which is? -We got a dog.

-You need to stay calm. -I know. I'm sorry, Toni. I'm nervous.

I understand, but there are people who manage anxiety

staying alone, silent. You don't, you share it.

No, see, I was thinking,

if the police catches us when the shipment arrives,

and break in, smashing the door with a battering ram.

What is this, Game of Thrones?

How would I escape? Get to a window and jump on the roof?

-You'd get shot. -No.

A pool of blood and goodbye Diotallevi. No.

You get yourself arrested.

And don't say a single word.

Not even under torture.

Then,

for panic attacks,

I suggest two pills of valerian. It seems strange, but it works.

I'm not having a panic attack.

It's just one of those times when you can't breathe, you shake and...

It's a panic attack.

Listen, Diotallevi,

if the partner runs away with the money,

what would you do?

It's a loyalty test, isn't it?

I quickly call the gang and inform Felice.

Good. You got it right.

That's why the partner running with the money

usually kills the other.

How can you run away with the money? Not easy in this hypothetical scenario.

Perhaps,

he's been organizing it for months.

Perhaps he waits for the shipment,

and takes the money at the right moment and leaves.

Using the partner as an excuse.

Perhaps his wife opened an offshore account.

A couple of years as fugitive, then a new name,

and he's done with this shitty life in a warehouse at the harbor.

Maybe he'll spare the partner, because they have a bond now,

almost a father-son rela...

-He kills him. -He kills him.

-He has to. -He has... Maybe...

No "maybe".

-Palmira, are you okay? -It's all fine, thank you, Katia.

-I'm still here. -Glad to hear that.

-Just... the chewing gum... -Do you want one?

It's really good, cinnamon.

-If you could stop... -I'm nervous, Katia. Bear with me.

Aren't you happy that you didn't get fired?

Yesterday, I went out again with Achille.

And it went terribly.

Actually, this time it went...

really well.

Then why the teeth grinding?

Because it was a disaster. First of all, I was late.

My father asked me to scan some photos for my brother.

Littorio?

At some point Perri arrives, she wants to come up.

I live in 35 square meters, my kitchen, bathroom and bed are in the middle.

A gem. You know, all the space optimized,

a bit like the Swedish stuff, like the bathtub coming out of a drawer.

And then he said: "Let's go have dinner."

Pizza place, full.

Restaurant, full.

Sushi place, full.

We ended up in this place, it was embarrassing to say the least.

The best kebab of my life.

Not good enough even for drunken kids at 5:00 am.

I was eating this falafel...

Like a child. He was...

So sweet...

Indeed, there was a strange, euphoric atmosphere.

And I kissed him.

Yeah, but she did it out of pity for sure.

Anyway, we go back home and we lay in bed.

We kissed and were about to...

He stopped.

Of course I stopped.

How could I perform after I had a kilo and a half of falafel,

stuck in here? It was late, half past midnight.

I'm having heartburn now.

Suddenly, she got up and left.

I had a great time.

So I left.

End of story.

But did you have a good time?

-Then call him back! -Then call him back!

-Go! -What do you want?

Then call him back.

No, Marina, we had a different plan.

Me, you, and the money were supposed to run away.

Not me, you, money, kids, cats, your father, the nurse

and the Neapolitan!

We'll deal with him later.

Please, Marina.

-What is it? -Read.

"My name is Dario Diotallevi,

"I've overcome many challenges in my life.

"After having survived drug busts and terrible ambushes, I died."

What is this?

My memoir.

I see that you, in the end, will run away with the money to open your bar.

And you'll have to kill me.

Don't you worry, Toni, really. Do what you need to do.

The only favor I ask of you is to give my memoire

to Roberto Saviano.

I'll enter the history of crime through Roberto Saviano.

-So you think that I'll kill you... -Yes.

get out of here, search for Roberto Saviano's address,

that even Saviano himself doesn't know,

and bring him this with my fingerprints on it?

Give me a break!

POLICE

First of all, you feel good with Achille.

Why would you run away?

Sooner or later you're going to hate even the way he puts his trousers on

and hope he crashes his face on the radiator.

In the meanwhile,

-I ponder. -No.

You smile.

I changed my mantra.

Also because I'm submitting your report today.

Really? Today? It's not a joke, is it? This isn't a trap?

-Am I leaving? Are you letting me go? -Yes.

Only if you'll manage to let the day go smoothly.

Then I realized what type of criminal I want to be.

Let's hear it.

"The loyal martyr". Nice, isn't it?

They'll make a lot of action movies starring a good-looking actor.

With busts, gunfights, ambushes, bombings.

What are you talking about? You're nervous.

You can't stand smells, blood makes you faint.

He's going to figure out that you're a scam.

Do you know how many people fake being mobsters just to be on the newspaper?

Let me tell you something.

Saviano

is a divisive figure.

Why do you want to ruin your reputation?

Yes, Toni, I know. But...

I don't want to die abandoned as I was born.

Someone has to remember me.

Look, I...

I have no intention to kill you.

-I know, but you have to kill me. -I don't want to kill you.

-No, you have to. -I don't feel like it.

-Kill me, Toni! -I don't want...

-Kill me, Toni! -I don't want to kill you!

Alright.

You really wanted that?

-Felice. -It's show time.

Get ready.

Peppers are on the way.

Congrats, Palmira Congrats, Palmira

Congrats, Palmira

Again.

Congrats, Palmira Congrats, Palmira

Congrats, Palmira

He's happy because I told him about the positive report

and that he's going to take your place once you leave.

Yes, but let's do some training now.

So, here we track the order of the calls...

From the flying squads, I know.

There was this dog, named Rufus.

You say "shake", he gives you his paw.

You say "down", he gets on the ground.

-Nice. -You tell him "sing" and he goes...

-Very nice. -It's a blast.

-So you got Rufus? -No.

There was another dog, named Ajax.

-A Labrador. -Beautiful.

He fetches everything you throw.

You throw a tennis ball, he retrieves it.

-A rock, he fetches it. -He fetches it.

A piece of wood, he fetches it.

-So, Ajax was the chosen one? -No.

They showed me another dog, named Greta,

-that accompanies children to school. Yes. -Handy.

It helps old ladies to cross the street if they're scared.

And brings you slippers if you're seated and say: "Greta!"

And he... How nice.

But didn't you get a dog in the end?

-No, no. I got a dog. Yes. -Ah.

-I got one. Do you know what it can do? -What?

Nothing, he knows how to be a dog. End of story.

-Here we go. Grab the money bag. -Yes.

You bring it, so I don't get tempted.

The bar on the beach was a great idea, except for the name.

It's just things that people say.

"I quit", "I'm leaving tomorrow", "I'll open a kiosk".

If that was true, do you know what the world economy would be about?

Beach kiosks.

We're criminals.

And we'll die criminals.

To be more efficient, we could use Bluetooth headphones,

that we can bring to the toilet

or whenever we need to be apart.

That's a great idea.

Toni?

Are you sure you don't want to kill me?

There would be no honor in getting killed by me.

Sure. Toni Totaro runs away with the cash and kills his partner?

-It would be on the news. -I kill for nothing.

Another topic. Prank calls.

PONDER

You can't imagine how much vile blasphemy I have to listen to every day.

Eh, it's kids.

There's this software developed by Israeli engineers. Who else?

It can identify real phone calls from fake ones

and divert them, saving us time.

Do you know why I killed a guy last month?

Why?

I was in a bar, this guy enters, walks past me and says:

"May June", instead of "May I".

Do you get it? "May June", instead of "May I".

Punsters like those make solitary an acceptable price for killing them.

-What are you doing? -Taking some pictures.

So I can see them when I get melancholic about this place.

Toni, what about those who say "See you later alligator"?

What would you do to them?

I'd put a bullet in between their eyes.

Even to you.

The first day, you made that shitty joke.

-When? -"Traffic, trafficking"...

I would have emptied the mag on you.

So you did want to kill me.

Yes, I did.

Thank you, Toni, really. I'm honored.

That I wanted to kill you?

Or that I didn't do it?

Both. In different ways, but both.

Excuse me, Nicola,

could you go and get me some longstool tea?

Sure.

Listen, Diotallevi.

I was thinking...

Maybe it's a bad idea.

But... what do you think

if we worked as partners in the next heist?

Me and you?

I'll think about it.

I'll think on it.

Leonida De Luca. I need to speak with Car 12 immediately.

-Car 12? That's us! -Yes.

Gentlemen, change of plans.

The informers we had have been double-crossing us.

The information we got on the shipment is all wrong.

New intercepts say that the shipment is arriving tonight.

-Tonight! -Tonight.

Tonight.

May I have your attention, please?

Everybody focus, pay attention.

The operation we've been working on for a long time is starting tonight.

Focus, please. I don't want to hear a peep.

Littorio! Hi, it's Achille. I don't know if you have my number.

I just wanted to tell you something. I'm doing the bust of my life tonight.

Got it? Bye.

Hi, Dad. It's your son, Achille. Do you remember me?

I just wanted to tell you I'm doing the bust of my life tonight.

I love you! So much! There!

It's so great that today... What are you doing, Marcello? What's that?

It's the coffee maker.

You're making coffee with what's going on right here, right now?

It will keep us awake.

-You think so? -Of course.

You convinced me. Let's make this coffee and stay awake.

-This goes in the car cigarette lighter. -Practical.

One, two, three. There it goes.

-Katia. -What?

You were right.

Paola, spit out that gum. I don't like it, it is a distraction. Come on!

-I have to try. That's it. -Yes, try it.

Car 12? Car 12, do you copy?

-Marcello! -What?

How long will it take?

-What? -How long until the coffee's ready?

I don't know!

Operation aborted. All aborted!

-Why? -The police know about the shipment.

You need to leave. And be sure to take my money.

-We need to go. -What's going on?

-Get the ski mask. -Why?

Come on, move it! The police are coming to bust our asses.

-Move! -This is yours.

-What's this? -Nice, aren't they?

Good Sammaritan speaking. Unauthorized ship approaching.

I only now got what you said earlier.

Yes, this is Katia Colloni.

-I'm in the heart of the action. Yes. -I get all the crazy people.

What is the common thread between the crazy people and me? It's me! So...

-Car 12, do you copy? -Car 12, do you copy?

I repeat. Irregular ship with suspicious movements approaching,

reported by me and a flock of seagulls, circular flight.

-The coffee was a great idea. -Right?

-I need to admit it. -I don't know why we didn't do it before.

I don't know. It's perfect for the night. And the aroma...

It also keeps us awake.

Hello?

I re-repeat. Ship reported by me and seagulls, officers!

Damn it.

Everybody, you're not doing enough!

You're not moving! Holy...

Oriano? What do you mean "he's throwing up"?

-So, how is it? -It's good. I needed it.

Stop the docking of the ferry boat.

No, there's too many tourists on it. Give them a tour of the gulf.

Besides, we have just one life, and we should be happy.

Answer, for fuck's sake. Answer.

Should I call him? I'll call him.

Okay.

It's time.

-There's a whole philosophy on coffee. -Quiet.

-Hey! Hi, Perri. -Hi.

I'm calling because I want to apologize for leaving like that yesterday.

It's a common theme. Coffee, happiness.

No, don't worry. I was just wondering if...

if there was something wrong.

No, nothing at all actually.

The problem is that everything was more than fine.

-Palmira! -One moment, Katia, please!

Come here, I need you! The one time I need you.

-I have relationship issues... -That famous cruise...

-in getting attached to men. -it had a huge dinner line.

-I know, it sounds incredible -The smell of coffee...

because you see me so seductive, provocative, sexy.

Just a second. Marcello, can you shut up?

-Turn that thing off! I can't hear! -It'll get cold.

-Let me talk. -I'm talking to you. You don't let me.

I was saying, perhaps we could meet tomorrow and talk calmly about it, okay?

No, I'd rather talk about it now. First, because...

Send in the dogs. The good ones that can detect things!

No, not through hearing. With their noses! The sniffer dogs!

Then, you know, the father is a woman's first love, let's put it like that.

Yes, Commissioner, I have a car, but they won't answer.

My mom no. She was there, but she was a bit cold. Very disaffectionate.

Yes, no... Let's do this, we can maybe talk about it later...

No, I'm very tender, let's just say that I'm a hugger and a kisser.

You must have noticed.

POLICE

-Let's go. -Come on.

People, you're not doing enough in here!

I want you moving, I want you focused!

My first love was at thirteen.

-Palmira, come give me a hand! -Twelve and a half, actually.

See, I was born at the end of December.

Are the divers ready? Send them in. What, are they not dressed yet?

Toss them in the water naked, for fuck's sake!

The seagulls, the seagulls! Move!

The seagulls.

-Achille? -Yes?

I knew it. I knew it!

The shipment's arrived, why aren't you answering the radio?

It's a hundred meters from you!

Dock 8.

-Marcello, the shipment has arrived! -What?

-It's here! Dock 8! Grab the guns! -What? It's here?

-Why is the radio not working? -It's not working?

It's all switched off! The radio, the dashboard...

-What? -The battery died, see?

-Why? -Because the coffee maker used it up.

-The shipment's here! Grab the guns! -It's here.

-Come on! Let's go! -Load it and go! Dock 8!

Fucking sweatpants! Of all nights...

-What should we do? -Let's go.

So the shipment has arrived.

-Where the fuck are you going? -This way, trust me.

Are we getting the money to the boss by swimming? The sea's there.

Maybe we won't make it there, Toni.

Sometimes we spend our lives chasing the wrong dream. Like I did.

I thought: "I'm an orphan, I'm from Naples, I must be a criminal."

But I can't do this, Toni.

I can't bring myself to kill a person over a pun.

Get to the point, Dario!

Let's open that bar together, Toni. You and me.

On a nice beach, in Montenegro. What do you say?

Damn it. Alright, alright. I'll follow you.

But I'm not sure about Montenegro.

It's the same sea they have in Croatia.

-We'll see, Dario. We'll see. -Oh my goodness!

"Dario and Toni, Bar Experience beach club".

If I say that the radio isn't working, you check it out immediately.

You don't chat with your little boyfriend.

Who happens to be the agent I want to talk to.

-Sorry, Katia. I didn't catch on at all. -No.

No "sorry".

Assessment failed.

Failed?

No. You said you'd let me go, come on.

Did you stay still like I asked you?

No. So you're going to spend six more months here.

You're lucky the operation went well.

-See? All's well that ends well. -No thanks to us.

You've caused trouble from the start.

If you want to grow, you have to stay here for one year.

Ten years.

-Marcello? -What?

If you made me miss the bust for that fucking coffee, I'll kill you.

What did Katia say?

Dock 8.

-Let's go, Marcello. -What?

One... Go.

Two... three. Go!

Car nine to dispatch, operation concluded.

We caught the couriers and seized the drugs.

-Great, another one. -It was hidden in a crate of peppers.

No sign of the criminals waiting for the shipment.

We know you've worked on this operation for a long time.

Can you tell us in detail?

It's been a long and difficult operation.

But in the end, we caught them. I caught them.

To be specific, I did, with the help of my partners, the seagulls,

who have been very effective

in this operation against crime.

I want to say that we stand against crime.

As they say, good triumphs over avil. Evil, sorry.

We'll be on time next time, I swear it.

How could I know?

So the criminals have been arrested.

Mission accomplished. That's what matters.

Can you imagine? I open up to a man for once,

and they make a bust. Unbelievable.

You could have said: "We're in the middle of a bust", I'd get it, I'd wrap it up.

You made me look like an idiot, and I think she may be right.

What day is tomorrow?

Tomorrow, what is it?

Wednesday.

Wednesday.

My wife cooks cannelloni on Wednesday.

Why are you bringing this up, Marcello?

Why don't you come for dinner?

-No, I'm not coming. -Just the three of us. We can have a chat.

By the way, how do you deal with couples fighting during dinner?

Do you get embarrassed or give advice?

We could use advice from a friend.

We're not friends, Marcello. We are not friends!

How does your wife make the cannelloni? Does she make them white?

She makes them white.

They're good.

That's how she makes them.

Gosh. My wife's cannelloni are fit for a king.

The secret is the celery.

-She uses celery? -Finely cut by me.

She says I cut it like nobody else.

It's something... An explosion of tastes.

She could use mint as well, but she doesn't because celery...

A lot of celery and they're...

It's her trademark, her secret.

Her secret... One of her secrets.

There's another one. One that, speaking modestly,

-I invented. -What is it?

When you place the casserole in the oven,

at a super low temperature,

you need to choose the right music.

-Guess what I choose. -Come on, Marcello.

-Marcella Bella. -That's your solution for everything.

Positivity. Would you believe that they get crispier?

No! Do you realize what you're saying?

They get crispier, I even tried it.

It's impressive. They get soggy without Marcella Bella.

-I'll see tomorrow. -Soggy.

You'll see.

NO ACTIVITY: ITALY