Original subtitles

Look, Marcello, I understand.

Your mission will always come before our marriage.

Car 12... Nothing to report.

I was prepared for this.

Actually, the fact that you're in an operational team on the field

still makes me very proud.

I know there are cruel and dangerous criminals out there.

Faster! Faster!

Slower, Toni. Slower.

The problem is that you don't understand what I need.

A bit of respite, Marcello.

Manetti, are you a real police officer or are you fucking around?

this is not advice column, Manetti.

And I couldn't care less about your marital issues.

You and your colleague spoke of a safe space,

I thought that I could speak openly.

This absolutely is not a safe space.

We tell that to everyone, but it's figurative.

He's just a clerk who hates all of us.

I, on the other hand, am an ambitious woman functionary

with a shirt buttoned all the way up.

From a holistic point of view,

the relationship with my wife is strictly connected to my reflexes.

-Now, if I don't resolve it... -Okay, enough!

Let's suspend Car 12's stakeout.

The person I shot the other night was a criminal for sure!

Why? Why?

Because he didn't press charges.

This means that there are criminals at the harbor waiting for a shipment.

And we'll be there to catch them.

Can you keep the stakeout going?

Yes, yes, yes. I can do it, I can do it. One hundred percent. I'm in!

Anyway, we all need lateral thought,

just to distract the brain a bit.

My wife once told me:

"I can be with you only when I think about someone else."

I get what she was saying now.

She wants a baby!

No, listen. She probably wants a divorce.

How much does a semen analysis cost?

No Activity: Italy

POLICE

Stop! Who are you?

-You can't be here. -I'm sorry. I'm looking for Palmira.

Palmira Piccoli. They let me in, but I don't see her.

-Sure, sure. Please, have a seat. -Thank you.

Palmira's out, she went to the toilet. She'll be back soon.

Thank you. I didn't mean to disturb.

I've come to bring her some stuff she left at home.

That girl's so forgetful, huh?

She's almost worse than my kids.

Your son... Because...

-Why are you here? -Hi, love.

Enough! Don't call me that.

Is this the way to talk to your father?

No... He isn't my father.

-My father is younger. -Exactly, much younger.

Ettore Zamponi.

I'm Perri's ex-boyfriend.

You're the famous...

Palmira loves to call me that.

But I understand her. I must admit, I'm not easy to be with.

I don't have much time for love.

Sometimes at noon I look at my watch and think:

"Man, this is the third child that walks again thanks to me."

And the day slips away.

Hello, Marcello. This online course will turn you into a model father

explaining what you're going to feel from birth to adolescence,

the period when your child will be ashamed of you.

-Are you a physical therapist? -Surgeon.

Head of orthopedics.

I was part of the team that performed a meniscus surgery...

On the Holy Father. Yes.

Wait, wait. The Pope tore his meniscus?

Some priests love to walk the Vatican's many steps on their knees.

You never listen to us doctors. Darn it all!

Everyone diagnosing themselves online with high blood pressure,

when all you need is some love, some cuddling

for those small but wild fits of anger.

If you're referring to the guy in the car,

that happened once.

I got angry once. Drop it!

You brought me my stuff, right? Come on.

-Let's make this quick. -Of course.

Katia, help me. Please. Go along with me whatever I say.

We must send him away. Because I'm about to crumble.

Do you see him?

Wild, savage, crude.

Great. Thank you so much.

Bye, dear.

I'm not surprised that you wanted to end it with Palmira.

I wasn't the one to break up with her.

She wanted to end it.

Someone like you?

Are you insane?

Yes, but how's the Holy Father?

Ettore, we are swamped with work.

-No, it's not true. -So, thanks...

Listen.

Because if I say something...

Car 12, anything to report?

Nothing. We're watching a video.

They're watching a video.

See?

I've got it all figured out for my wife.

Water birth. I'll massage her back singing Montagne Verdi.

-Why Montagne Verdi? -Why?

Because she'll visualize the landscape and relax.

It's science.

I don't know how I didn't see that she wants a baby. I don't know.

It's natural, because a common project is important for the couple.

-Marcello. -You're projected into the future.

Did you seriously ask the Commission how much a semen analysis costs?

I'll point out that I'm not watching the video you're hearing

out of respect for this lady in distress.

No, you're not watching the video

because you know nothing about feminine sensibility.

But we'll figure it out, Perri.

Yes, we'll figure it out, partner.

You'll figure it out.

Because if it wasn't for you, Achille here would never see a woman.

Palmira.

I mean,

are you going out with this colleague?

You said it.

Damn.

I'm sorry you had to find out like this, but... Yes.

I'm seeing Achille.

Achille!

What a beautiful name.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful Achille.

Toni?

I think we need to agree on the same version of the facts.

-The same. So we won't betray each other. -There's nothing to agree about.

Bartolo left and he left his phone here.

Couldn't we throw his phone in the sea as well?

-That's how it went now. -Alright.

His phone is here. We'll tell the boss that he forgot it.

Do we tell him that I met the police officer at the Chinese restaurant?

Why? He didn't even recognize you.

Excuse me, Toni, I don't mean to disagree with you.

First, you got shot from an officer,

then I met another one undercover at the Chinese restaurant.

I think they're waiting for the shipment to make a bust.

Do you think a police officer shoots me because I'm pissing in the open?

I do, yes.

I have to teach you everything.

Those who do stakeouts

are experts,

highly qualified.

The feet! Did you see the feet? The feet!

Thank you for everything.

I'll take her away from here.

Me?

That woman will be the mother of my children.

Take her away, please.

If you help me, I'll introduce you to the secretary of state of the Vatican.

Admittedly, they can't be that stupid.

Good, you're finally getting it.

Write this down.

Here.

A good criminal

always considers the policemen

more clever than himself.

Toni,

will you be my mentor?

We'll see...

One step at a time.

-At least you listen to me. -Always.

You're not like that asshole of my son

who makes himself look good thanks to my roast pork kiosk's racket.

I have to congratulate you on your roast pork racket.

How can you sell it for one euro?

-Write down. -Ready.

The secret for a good roast pork

is to take the roast pork out of it.

And use turkey,

-leftovers of vegetables... -All fibers.

cotton,

and mix with titanium.

At the end, just add some fennel.

Roast pork served.

This fennel...

-Taste it. -No, thanks.

-Come on, try it. -No, I don't want to.

-Eat. -I don't want to!

Can I have the freedom to choose what I eat, Marcello?

My God.

Whatever. Back in my time we would eat what we had.

"Your time." It was the 80s, wasn't it?

I don't think people were starving in the 80s.

Don't talk back and know your place, got it?

Easy, Marcello. What, is there crack in that sandwich?

I'm trying an educational method.

For my firstborn, see?

I'll be softer on the second one.

I'll become more permissive so that they compensate each other.

Like me and you.

Are you already thinking about a second child?

Of course. Should I let them grow up alone? No.

Only children are messed up.

No, that's not true. Only children turn out fine.

You have a brother, right? Vittorio.

Yes, Littorio. He works at the public prosecutor's office.

Right, Vittorio.

No, Marcello. Littorio, with an "L".

-Littorio, with an "L"? -Yes, Littorio.

Yes, yes, yes... There, right there.

What is it?

Madame, you...

-Just Katia. -Katia, you somatize too much.

-Yes, it's true. -It all starts from here, see?

It's here. Then it goes up, up, all the way to the neck.

Yes, yes, yes.

It's like you're carrying a heavy weight.

To be frank, since the blonde one got here...

Excuse me.

I have a video call from Mumbai.

From the orphanage I went to volunteer for last Christmas.

Excuse me.

Two months? Two months.

If my son doesn't call me for two months, he's gone.

I'd return him, or make another one. Two months!

Come on, call him.

-Who should I call? -Your father, call him.

-No way. -Why? Listen to me, call him.

-Call him. -You think so? And say what?

What? Ask him, "How are you? Can we meet next week? I love you."

-What the hell do I know. -No, "I love you"...

No, Marcello. It's late. You make me do this...

You don't know my father. He is asleep by now.

He likes to lay on the sofa after having dinner

and watches documentaries, you know, the old black and white ones,

with voices from marches.

"Italians..."

He watches those, relaxes and sleeps.

Like that.

Well,

he doesn't strike me a Hunchback of Notre-Dame.

You've only seen him for ten minutes. Try to live with him. What's it?

I want you to forgive me for forcing you to break up with me.

So I stand here, before you.

I beat my chest.

Mea culpa.

Come to Paris with me.

Paris.

I know what you're about to say. I know.

That you have many flaws. But I love them all.

I love you when you take an hour to decide your order,

only to eat from my plate even when you don't like it.

I like it when you leave the shower clogged with your hair,

because it feels like you're still there.

It's not that I fear being alone,

I fear living the rest of my life without you.

Ettore.

For me you are...

Damn it, I...

How can I say this?

You...

You broke my balls.

You crushed them into two thousand tiny pieces.

Then you took them,

you gilded them,

polished them one by one,

and made a mosaic so big

that it could cover the dome of a cathedral.

-Do you feel like talking about it? -No, I don't!

I don't want to talk, I want to be silent.

Do you see that? Do you see how he acts?

I tell you the most terrible things,

and nothing.

You sit down,

look at me

and smile.

What are you smiling at?

What the fuck are you smiling at, Ettore?

Do you understand why I have to smash cars?

How am I doing, Toni?

What about the trash now?

I forgot the bag for the organic waste because the league's on Sunday.

Plus the fact that they collect it on Sunday...

I don't think that's the issue, Marina.

I'll remind you that I'm the one who sorts the waste at home.

Tell your son!

€20,000 a year for a private university

and he doesn't get that the dirty yogurt cup isn't plastic.

I'll take out the Neapolitan at the earliest opportunity, don't worry.

Love you. Bye.

Who were you talking to, Toni?

Enough with this lighter, you look ridiculous.

No, Toni, that's the real one.

This is the lighter.

Unknown number.

Who is it?

-Hello? -Good Sammaritan speaking.

Good Sammaritan speaking, are you there? Over.

Why do you say "over", you called me on my phone.

Who gave you my number?

And why are you hiding your number?

Why do I hide my phone number?

Guys, I am the target of wiretaps. I need to be careful.

In my blog, behindtheglass.nanni.www

I have revealed many of the hidden moves silenced by the Global Order.

Hello?

The truth hurts.

So...

You enter a jewelry shop

and the cashier tells you that she won't open the safe.

I get the manager to open it.

-He doesn't want to, either. -I shoot him,

so the cashier, not wanting to meet the same end, opens it for me.

Good, idiot. Double homicide and no loot.

So then what do I do? Do I just shoot the cashier?

You don't shoot anyone.

Grab the gun here and beat him here.

He gets scared, thinks you could do worse than that,

and will not only open the safe for you,

but also give you his phone's password and his pant size.

But if I break his nose and he bleeds?

And you know that I can't stand blood.

-No to smells, no to blood... -Then they give you those big soft eyes...

Even Bartolo, after the first headbutt,

when he wasn't dead yet,

he looked at me with those languid, sweet eyes.

My heart melts, what can I do?

If you can't do it, you'd better stop.

Surely you have a plan B.

No.

On this website, behindtheglass.nanni.www,

I found out many things I didn't know about.

For instance, did you know that our dreams

can be branded by corporations?

I've never had a dream with a brand in it.

-I had the craziest dream last night. -Don't tell me.

I was on the Pontina highway, at night,

driving this wonderful American car. Like a Cadillac, you know.

The headlights piercing the night.

I use my turn signal and enter the first gas station.

What do I find in the station's booth?

A cup of currant yogurt.

I don't think you should stay here, Toni.

I think you should make your dreams come true and open that bar.

I can picture you as a barkeeper.

Tapping beers, talking to people while eating licorice.

I'd love to have a small stage

for live music.

-Jazz music. -No, something classier.

-Like what? -Pooh,

Equipe 84,

Alunni del Sole.

By Mr. Toni's.

Disco-Beach-Sentimental-Bar.

Say it again?

-Mr. Toni's Disco-Beach-Sentimental-Bar. -Mr. Toni's Disco...

Bar.

Do you like it?

Yeah.

I want to buy it, I take it in my hands,

but it turns into a peach yogurt.

Know that my wife's allergic to peaches. She can't eat it. If she does, she dies.

I would come anyway, Toni. Because I think you're a good barkeeper.

A loyal, fair, honest person.

That's to say, a man that can be trusted.

I say: "No, not the peach! You'll die! I can't give it to you."

"Come on." "No, wait, I'll find another one."

And then they start to dance.

-The yogurt? -They dance with each other,

these cups go dancing around the house.

At one point I think: "What am I doing here?"

I go to my Cadillac, get in,

and start this trip,

this long trip.

Towards Sperlonga.

This is just to say that our dreams are getting branded by corporations

that are inserting commercials.

-I get it, the yogurt was branded. -No.

I think this one was a commercial from the city of Sperlonga.

Where's the card with Ettore's number?

How should I know?

-Did you take it? -No.

I knew it, you're jealous. You lied.

You liar. Minus two points for Palmira.

-Katia, grab a piece of paper... -I've buried all my enemies.

It wasn't my intention to fight you, but challenge accepted.

3420114...

Or you're so dumb to leave it in the trash can. Let's see.

You left it in the trash can. You'll pay for this.

I swear, you'll pay for this. If I find it, you'll see!

3... 3420...

I know it by heart!

It was me who threw it away.

-I don't want Katia to date Ettore. -Why?

I did it for you. You have to give that man another chance.

She just acts friendly.

He wants to take you away.

An important surgeon like him can give you a better job than being a dispatcher.

How was it?

"How many sandwiches?"

"Cinzia to register four. Cinzia to register four."

How did you manage to get in the police force?

The written exam...

-You must've cheated. -I ranked first, actually.

I liked him...

The oral exam, you must have struggled.

Perri, Ettore helped the Holy Father to get back on his feet.

What does a man have to do to win a woman?

As for the psychological interview,

how did they clear you?

Car 12,

anything to report?

Nothing to report.

Thank you for playing along.

What do you mean?

I mean, before.

It was nice of you.

Thanks a lot.

No worries, it was nothing. You're welcome.

-What are you talking about? -I don't know.

-How do you not know? -I don't but it sounds good.

Who the fuck is Achille Aiello?

-What does this guy want? -Lock the door!

-You messed with the wrong person. -He's Achille Aiello, not me.

-Marcello! -It's you!

I won't leave Palmira to you.

If I find out that you mistreat her, I'll break your patella, metacarpal and tarsus!

You won't be able to stand for six months, dickhead!

Who the fuck is that?

That was Perri's father.

Perri's father.

Bartolo's phone.

The boss.

It says "Uncle", but he's his cousin.

We knew he would call and he did. What do I do?

-Should I answer? -Breathe.

Hello... Hello?

Yes, boss. Everything's fine.

Bartolo?

He's out, he left.

No. He's out, going around...

The money's here, all good. Toni and I are waiting.

No, nothing. No shipment yet. We're waiting.

-Boss. -How? I'm talking to the boss.

Hello, boss.

Everything's fine.

One moment, boss.

If I'm talking to the boss,

who the fuck are you talking to?

I dunno, someone asking lots of questions.

-Don't answer. -Wait.

Excuse me, not to intrude in your business,

but who are you?

-He hung up. -Of course he hung up.

You were talking to a policeman.

Calling Bartolo's phone?

Now I get it.

Bartolo was a mole for the police.

IN THE NEXT EPISODE

Aggressive.

You're a clown. You're just a clown.