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THE KINGDOM OF HUNGARY. YEAR 1526.

In a few hours The Ottoman Empire will destroy the army of Louis II of Hungary.

Running away from the inevitable defeat, the king tragically drowns in a swamp,

and the Kingdom of Hungary will lose its independence for the next 100 years.

Is he mute?

He lost his voice when he was a kid

and so I, Imre, take care of the church's business.

Let's get down to business then.

I have something that will make your future church

the most popular destination in the Kingdom of Hungary.

Listen, merchant, cut out the teasers.

Me and Ishtvan don't like foreplays.

Back in the IX century, Europeans started to hunt for artifacts

relating to the earthy life of Jesus Christ.

These artifacts prove that God exists.

Or at least that he existed…

The most valued artifacts are those, which…

What do you have?

Something

that will bring here not only local pilgrims

but also pilgrims from the Polish Kingdom

and maybe even from the Grand Duchy of Lithuania.

Nails?

No.

Crown of thorns?

No.

Nothing connected with "passions".

-Foreskin? -No.

The baby tooth of the Savior.

Show it.

I can't…

If I open the box,

the tooth will get in contact with oxygen

and turn to dust.

And dust is not sellable.

What did he say?

He says it's a fake!

Tell him he's wrong.

How can we trust you?

This thing works miracles.

You can find it out for yourself

I will let you touch it,

then we'll meet in a week and if a miracle happens in your life,

you buy it from me.

Should I use the index finger or the middle one?

As you wish.

What is he saying again?

He says the middle finger is more convenient.

It's longer, so you don't need to stretch that much.

For how long shall I be touching it?

That's enough.

How is it?

Do you feel anything?

Not yet, actually.

I'll meet you here in a week,

and there will be only one question to answer:

"Has a miracle happened in your life?"

MY THOUGHTS ARE SILENT

VADIM ROTT

BASED ON A TRUE STORY

Mr. Rott…

The dental implant surgery…

Sorry… Just call me Vadim.

Vadim,

the dental implant surgery, in your case,

will cost a little more than usual.

How much?

750 dollars.

Is it a price for all teeth?

Just for one.

And that's without insurance.

Why is it so expensive?

This is due to your complicated jaw structure

and the complex nature of your injury.

Do you feel bad?

It feels as if there is a lump in my throat.

Somewhere near my Adam's apple.

Sometimes it feels like a real apple.

How big of an apple?

Like a Mcintosch?

More like a Granny Smith.

And when you try to swallow it…

…it feels more like a Pink Lady.

Does your voice ever disappear?

Only during sex.

Regularly?

Once a month.

-I'm talking about the voice. -Me too.

Shall I join you?

All symptoms in our body

are the warning signals of our sick consciousness,

that pleads for help.

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

About the ability to heal anything with the power of thought?

Yes, anything.

Except caries.

Look.

This is something I show to those special clients who are "unsure".

Above you have a healthy tooth, below is a sick one.

This is what happens, if it's not treated.

Do you see?

It holds on, it clings, it tries to climb up.

But in the end it falls.

Us, dentists,

call it "inevitability".

Are you ready?

"The Laugh of an Old Man Coughing",

"Take 4".

Go for it.

I can't…

Why not?

There's nothing to laugh about.

Nothing to laugh about?

Let me crack you up somehow. Ok?

The Jew yells: "What shall I do, God?"

The God says: "Trust me and let go of the branch".

The Jew thinks for a moment and screams: "Is there anyone else around?"

Go for it.

Laugh!

I can't.

Could you do the cough part maybe?

The cough part!

Coughing I could do,

but not laughing.

What was that?

-Homeric. -Ok.

And the sardonic?

The next one.

Cool, cool. Where's the old man?

I only recorded…

cough!

Don't worry about it, it's all right! Anyways, man, thanks for the work!

I'll transfer your pay via WebMoney.

Thank you.

Do you mind if we speak in Ukrainian?

-Sure! -I'd like to practice a little bit.

I can't promise that I'm gonna be amazing but it will mean a lot to me.

Okay, Peter Oleksiiovych.

Petro.

Sorry, sorry.

Petro Oleksiiovych, maybe you have some other work for me?

I've quit my film set job

but I have to keep paying my loan.

The loan? Have you moved?

If only… I got myself new teeth.

What happened to the old teeth?

Professional injury.

Well, I have something but I don't know, if it's for you.

It seems that you've overgrown tasks like these.

Where is it coming from?

From Canada! Where else?

From the studio of my friend, Jamie Tkachuk.

Jamie Tkachuk?

Seriously?

I'll read you the brief. Coffee?

Jamie says they need the sounds of animals of the Ukrainian fauna,

wild and domestic.

What for?

What for?

It's for a video game, man. That's what we do. We do video games.

They pay twenty five Canadian dollars for each recording.

How much is this?

I don't know, it's like twenty bucks in real money.

They need different animals:

pigs, horses, dogs, sheep…

Whatever! The more the better!

What about parrots?

If the parrot speaks Ukrainian, then yes.

It's Jamie Tkachuk, man!

He is one of us!

The most important thing for him

is for the animals to speak the language of his historic motherland.

Pigs, horses, sheep - what kind of game is it?

"Noah's Arc".

Noah's Arc?

Yeah, check it out.

They have already sent us some demos.

Very contemporary!

The music is so deep.

Is it trap or cloud?

They call it Christian trap -

bible stories told through contemporary music.

Listen here…

It's just a regular retrowave.

Take it. They've sent a reference soundtrack.

I told Jaimie that your family is from Transcarpathia.

-It's true, right? -Right.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Well, he freaked out!

Because right there in the mountains lives Anas Trepidus.

-Who? -"The Fussy Mallard".

It's a very rare bird, apparently.

Species: The Fussy Mallard.

Latin: Anas Trepidus.

Or it is often called by the place of origin:

The Rakhiv Mallard.

Latin: Anas Rakhivus.

According to its official status, it is on the verge of extinction.

He promises to pay you an extra thousand bucks

if you record this mallard sing.

Canadian dollars?

No, in real money, in US dollars.

But thousand bucks is nothing!

If you can do it, Jamie will offer you a place in his head office in Canada

to create sound design for the game. Official visa and all.

Maybe you can get a full-time job with him afterwards.

Well, this is not writing music or making films…

But that's where the money is right now -

in video games.

Are you kidding me?

This is my new dream!

Can I hug you?

Oh, dude! Later, please.

The destiny of the Rakhiv Mallard was one of the topics discussed

during the famous XIII World Congress on ornithology,

which took place in August, 1966,

at October Palace in Kyiv.

One of the reports proved

that over the past three centuries

the number of Rakhiv Mallard

has decreased dramatically.

The reason is the mallard's trademark - rare violet feather,

which was the object of desire for fashionistas from Mukachevo

and the whole of Eastern Europe.

There is a theory, that due to the constant death threat

Rakhiv Mallard received its second name -

the Fussy Mallard.

Today Fussy Mallard's only habitat

is a small mountain lake…

…nearby the Tykhyi Shelest village of the Rakhiv region, Transcarpathia.

It's interesting to note that the lake

is placed exactly between Romania and Ukraine

and so the bird can cross the border up to hundred times a day

depending on its anxiety level.

In the beginning of the XX century, this lake was visited

by a delegation of ornithologists from Dresden, headed by Otto Konig.

However, the goal of their research was neither the appearance, nor the name.

They studied the birds' voices.

It is known that most ducks sound alike:

they quack.

Quack-quack.

This makes the Rakhiv Mallard special.

Once a year it sings for real.

It is the song…

When calling the birds to flock,

the Rakhiv Mallard sings in such a piercing manner

that it breaks hearts not only of the average people,

but even of German scientists.

The "Sound of Rakhiv Mallard Song", as well as the "Petrikivski Painting"

and the "Cossack Songs of the Dnipro Region"

have been added to the UNESCO intangible heritage lists.

Below you can see its musical notation.

MUSICAL NOTATION OF RAKHIV MALLARD SONG

Tea, coffee?

Tiramisu?

No, thank you.

See, Vasia? They didn't want to listen to you run around,

now they will listen to you scream.

Keep quiet, sweetheart, please.

Shut up for God's sake!

Jeez. Easy, easy…

Oh, come on, don't lag behind.

Hurry up, klutz, dammit.

SAKURA

The fine town of Uzhgorod welcomes you! The heart of Transcarpathia!

-Where to? -To "Shakhta" district.

Sit down comfortably

and get ready for an unforgettable journey through the town of cherry blossom.

How's the weather in Kyiv?

Same as here.

Maybe a bit warmer.

-Is anyone protesting? -No…

It's cool in Kyiv…

Do you mind if I smoke?

I do mind.

You said you gave up working in taxi?

I did.

Then I got sad.

Where is grandpa?

-He was supposed to pick me up, not you. -Volodya can't do it.

Why?

The doctors forbade him to drive.

I can drive you, though.

I took a few days off.

Aren't you happy?

Very happy.

For sure?

Do the shoes fit?

What do you think?

Mom, which size is that?

48 EU.

So they're small.

-Or you simply don't like the brand? -The brand I don't like either.

Heard this saying: "Doesn't matter which shoes you wear,

if you wear them in Paris"?

I think it doesn't matter which city you're in,

if you wear The North Face.

Oh! I told you not to buy clothes at thrift stores.

By putting on someone else's clothing…

I'm not buying clothes at thrift stores, mom!

-They stink! -It's called "an outlet" in Kyiv!

-Or a "Euro-stock"! -OK! "Euro-stock"! Hold the wheel…

Do you smoke?

No.

Sorry.

Welcome, son.

This is our ritual.

So that the child feels his father's energy.

-I love you, my kiflich. -And I love you too.

And you.

And you, aunt Galia, I love you too.

And we love you, right, Vadik?

Yeah, sure. Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

So… what are we waiting for?

Help yourself! Try Parmesan and tomatoes with pesto.

By the way, Bernardo sent his greetings to all of you from Italy.

-Send him our greetings too! -Thanks, I will.

You can use your hands.

How about salami, did Bernardo send it over?

Well, maybe he did. But it's not allowed. Today we're fasting.

So is Parmesan allowed?

To eat Parmesan or not to eat, everyone chooses for themselves.

Vadik, if you don't want Parmesan, take mushrooms, they're good.

Are they ok? Have you tried them?

I never try anything myself.

I give it to Volodya in the morning and if he's fine - I eat it.

Why is it green?

I added olive oil.

Olive oil, olive oil…

Volodya,

don't get angry. It's not allowed today.

It's forbidden to swear today.

According to which laws is it forbidden?

According to the church calendar. Am I right, Pavlik? Today…

Today Archangel Gabriel

came to Mary to tell her that she would become a mother of Jesus.

That's right, auntie.

Look, Vadim.

There is a holiday called the Annunciation.

During the Annunciation it is strictly forbidden to dig up potatoes,

to mow the lawn,

to sweep the dust,

also you cannot use swear words…

Volodia, it concerns you too.

-You cannot swear. -Are haircuts allowed?

-Are they allowed? -Preferably not.

Have you cut your hair, aunt Galia?

No, I wanted to do it later today.

God saved you!

God saved you, hear that?

May I say it? He was offered a job in Canada.

Who? Him?

Yes. He was the only one chosen from Kyiv.

I'm going there soon.

-To Canada? -You can take my room if you want.

Can you imagine? The only one from Kyiv.

Amazing!

For how long?

Well, I haven't considered coming back yet.

So cool…

Cool. The only one from Kyiv, can you imagine?

He has a very complicated job…

And what does he do?

He, well, he listens to sounds,

then he records them.

-He listens, then records… -And they pay money for this?

Yes!

He's… What's the name of your job again?

LAKE CHENDESH RAKHIV DISTRICT

LAKE CHENDESH

SAVE PICTURE AS…

Mom.

Mom, wake up.

I'm not sleeping.

Do you see?

Look!

Look, look!

I'm even a bit scared!

I brought you this from Vatican.

For your protection.

What is it?

It is "Our Father" in Latin…

From "Padre Nostro" till "Deliver Us From Evil".

Victoria Beckham has the same ring. I read in a magazine.

Well, if Victoria Beckham has such a ring…

Victoria Beckham is a stylish successful woman,

a role model wife and mother.

A "role model"?

She named her son after the neighborhood where he was conceived.

Brooklyn? Sounds great.

Aren't there nice neighborhood names in Kyiv?

In which one do you live?

Syrets,

but I used to live at "DVRZ".

Vadik,

would you go to a thermal spa with me?

Mom,

find yourself a husband and take him to spa.

I don't have any problems with men, don't worry.

It's a gift from Bernardo, so don't talk nonsense.

Forget about Bernardo,

he's thirty years old.

You need a real option.

Bernardo and I have a lot of fun.

Like in a fairy tale! We walk for hours,

we go to cafes, meet sunrises. "Belle".

You can meet sunrises with whoever you want,

but you need to know whom you'll be meeting your old age with.

Let's stop talking about men.

I want to spend time with you.

You are the most important man for me.

Mom,

try to understand me.

I cannot come to the spa with you.

It's an outsource job. You can't mess with it.

If I manage to record that bird,

I'll get a chance I've been waiting for my whole life.

You wanna go to Canada so badly?

Yes.

It's my new dream.

How are we gonna be here without you?

Grandpa won't be able to take it.

Well, you're without me either way.

You in Kyiv and you in Canada are two very different things.

At least when you live in Kyiv you visit us,

but from Canada, as far as I know, nobody returns.

So… let's go?

Damn, mom, I forgot my Speedos.

Use your underwear, if you forgot it.

I'd better stay in the car and listen to music.

You go.

Fine, we'll buy you Speedos when we arrive.

We're having fun today.

I'll never buy Speedos there.

It's three times more expensive.

You're a cheapskate, just like your father.

I'm not a "cheapskate".

Saving is a kind of sport for me.

Oh. He said the same.

Do you realize how difficult it is for me to earn this money?

How many fucking old men and shitty music I have to listen to?

Wait.

Come here, I'll slap you for the word "fucking".

Fine.

I apologize.

Are there gonna be any girls?

There gonna be mostly girls.

Let's say, your duck-call broke down.

In this case, in order not to strain their vocal cords

experienced hunters use the "ring-and-lid" technique.

Using this kind of mechanical rubbing…

we get a good solid "single quack".

Do you know how to find out how the other person sees you?

I don't know.

Just ask that person to take a picture of you.

Do you really see me like that?

Look at my picture of you,

and compare it to your picture of me.

Wow.

What are you doing?

Is it Bernardo?

Give it to me.

He reminds me of someone.

Give it back.

He's handsome, right?

-Don't you see… -Galia,

you better wake me up in the morning.

At what time?

At 5 AM?

Why so early?

I arranged an interview.

Good morning!

Are you without your mom?

She went to get some gas. She'll pick me up later.

What's the name of your parrot?

Tolik.

-Tolik… -Named him after my ex-husband.

-Is he talkative? -Husband?

He used to be.

Forgive me, Vira Ivanivna.

I… I didn't know,

that he…

why didn't you say that he is not…

He doesn't seem to care.

He shows that he's tired.

Pity.

Could you provoke it somehow?

Pity…

Sorry what?

Nothing.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Where?

In the corridor.

What for?

Vadim, don't laugh please.

Tolik is very jealous.

My old friend visited me the other day.

I had him clean the filters of my washing machine.

Accidently we started watching a film. Together.

Film? Which film?

"Love Is Not Potatoes".

So, imagine, we were watching that film

and Viktor Ivanovych has fallen asleep on my shoulder.

And Tolik started to make noise straight away! He got worried.

Maybe we can provoke him that way?

Aha.

Shall I fall asleep on your shoulder?

It's quiet.

Yeah, I can hear that.

Your hair is so long…

Perhaps, he thinks you're a woman and that's why he's not jealous.

Wait.

What is it?

This is my ex's hat.

Put it on and hide your hair.

He's not looking at us.

Vadik.

Come with me.

Where?

I forgot to say,

when Viktor Ivanovych fell asleep he put his hand on my breast.

Maybe that's what made Tolia react?

Sometimes I think the soul of my ex-husband stayed in him.

In whom?

In Viktor Ivanovych?

In the plumber?

In Tolia! The parrot.

Are you serious?

Shall I flirt with you?

If you can…

Try the hand?

Ok, give it to me.

Quiet-quiet…

I'm sorry, can I?

Yes, please.

-Excuse me… -Go on.

Let's do it.

Like that.

MY GOD, HELP ME TO SURVIVE THIS DEADLY LOVE

It stinks…

Still, I don't understand…

How do the voices of cows in Ukraine differ from voices of cows in Canada?

I mean, why can't they record these sounds in Canada?

Jamie's creating a game.

He is the director.

He is saying that "animals should sound disturbed".

But to him, Canadian animals sound calm.

Fed and satisfied,

they're boring, man!

They're not afraid of anything.

Even death?

Exactly.

In contrast with our Ukrainian animals.

Our animals sense the approach of the Great Flood.

Flood.

Do you know what I am saying?

Camomile, speak!

Are you smoking?

No.

Show your hand!

What?

-Your hand! -What?

Vadik, we need to have a serious conversation.

You should know that I have recently been robbed.

You know who did it?

Two bullies from Radvanka. Took 800 hryvnas from me!

Luckily they did not hit me.

They said: "You're lucky you're an old lady".

I was so insulted.

Not because of money. Although that's also a pity.

But about being called a granny.

And I even don't have grandchildren.

And watching you, I am doubting if I will ever have them.

Vadik! Is everything fine with you in the male department?

-Everything's fine. -When did you last have sex?

You're making me uncomfortable. It's none of your business!

-It's my business! -Stop that!

It's family business! Your sex is my business too.

What do you do, exactly?

-What do I do? -Yes.

-You're asking me, what do I do? -Yes.

I'm one of a few people in this country

who successfully does export.

-That's what you can say to people. -What "export" are you talking about…

I export the sounds of Ukrainian animals to the Western countries!

Some things are more important to me than kids and grandkids.

For example?

For example this.

It's called creativity.

Have you heard of it?

Oh, you're so lost…

There is nothing more important than kids.

No music is worth sacrificing a family.

That's your opinion.

You're a fool, Vadim.

I'm not a fool, I'm a musician.

I mix trap.

Sorry, I don't like this word, but I am a creator.

Vadik,

when will you start living a normal life?

Sorry, what did you say?

I'm asking when will you start living a normal life?

What is "a normal life"?

Maybe you can show it to me?

If only I knew myself.

So show me this "normal life".

I'll watch you and will start living it myself.

I can only show you what an "abnormal life" is,

look at me and do the opposite.

TWIN PEAKS

WI-FI, SHOWER, COFFEE

Good evening.

We need a room for two.

What's your surname?

Rott.

Galyna and Vadim Rott.

Mr. and Mrs. Rott we have to disappoint you,

we only have rooms with separate beds.

It works for us.

We're mother and son. We don't necessarily have to sleep together.

Mom, are you ok?

Mom?

I thought you'd never ask.

I feel a strong spasm in my chest area.

I think it's a heart attack.

Where does it hurt?

Somewhere here.

Did my lips turn blue?

They're fine.

Maybe a little blue.

And nails?

-What about them? -Are they blue?

-They're red. -Red?

It can't be seen under the nail polish.

Vadik…

I need serious medical help.

Let me give you drotaverine?

Better drive me to the hospital.

Before it's too late.

I want to live.

I don't know how to drive -

you'll rather die from fear.

Get behind the wheel.

What for?

If I feel bad again, you'll need to know how to drive.

-Ready? -Yes.

Push the clutch.

Done.

Start the engine.

First gear.

Vadik, it's third gear. I said first.

Now step on the gas, and let out the clutch gently.

Vadim, I don't wanna hear a thing.

It's a perfect place for a stop.

Take a picture of me here.

Such a beauty around.

What's wrong?

I'm not the one to do it.

When else would I be taking pictures?

When I was young, the cameras were shit.

Now the cameras are good,

but I'm getting old.

It would be late for pictures soon.

Grab your girlfriends and take pictures with them.

Simple.

Vadik, remember, female friendship does not exist.

I don't have any girlfriends.

So whom do you have?

You.

I have you.

You are my everything.

You don't have me.

I'm not your property.

You act like a crazy drama queen.

You have no one.

I'm scared for you. You're up for a lonely old age.

I thought I had you.

Now I don't think so.

Now I have no one, for real.

Mom, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.

-Let me take that picture. -There's no need to.

Don't photograph me, Vadik, don't do it, I don't want it.

Let's go record your animals.

If I am a crazy drama queen, I'll be acting as one.

I'll sign over the car and the house to Pavlik and Lerochka.

Farewell! Go to your Canada and forget about me.

Give me back my wed ring. Take it off.

-You tried to say "wedding ring"? -Take off the ring.

Take it.

I don't want anything to remind you of your mother.

Take it.

Raise your hand!

Hands!

Hands off me!

Mom, what are you doing?

Leave me alone.

I want to die beautifully.

Let some luxury car run me over.

This will be my favor to you.

I won't be disturbing your conscience.

-Go to your Canada, wherever you want to. -Mom, stand up, there is a car coming.

I don't want to.

It's not a luxury one.

What is it then?

Looks like a Škoda.

Not the newest one.

Let it be Škoda.

That's my destiny then.

Mom, Škoda is approaching, stand up.

Excuse me.

No one needs me!

No one gives a fuck about me.

I'm gonna be alone. All alone.

No one needs me!

-What are you doing? -Leave me alone!

You broke the gearbox!

Why the hell didn't you fix it?

I don't have enough money for it!

Where's the money then?

I lent it to Bernardo.

Where is Bernardo?

Nowhere.

He never came to meet me.

Never came to meet me.

I spent the whole week alone in Italy.

No one needed me there.

No one needs me.

Reverse is the only gear that works.

I don't know what to do.

There're only thirty kilometers left to Rakhiv.

We can pop into car service there.

RAKHIV

Could you help me get there?

No problem.

And the day after we meet at the same spot.

Vadim, maybe you're right.

I need to be looking for a more "serious option".

There is one man who wrote to me again.

I can't get rid of him.

Let me see.

I can't say he is very handsome,

but he looks serious.

He's inviting me to come.

Where to?

To Genk.

Genk?

Where is it?

In Belgium.

What's his name, again?

Enzo.

Enzo…

Here you go.

You say I'm a bad mother.

But you're not too good of a son either.

You never ask me about my health.

Sometimes I do.

Right, when I am nearly dying.

You're probably not aware of my illness?

What's up with you?

According to the doctors I have chronic pancreatitis.

Everything hurts,

I've been dieting for months,

can't sleep,

can't eat.

Nothing greasy. No salt.

I don't even drink coffee. What kind of life is it?

And when you drive me crazy like today,

it only gets worse.

Sometimes I just want to

eat a pea soup

and come what may.

Remember you asked me once,

if there was a question the answer to which

I'd like to know more than anything else?

I remembered.

As a child, I loved playing next to cows.

They ate grass and observed the world around,

without intruding,

they simply watched.

And I loved watching them.

And have never seen them look up.

If a plane was flying by, for example,

or thunder rumbled.

It's as if they didn't care,

what was happening somewhere above.

I always wonder…

could a cow ever look up?

Mom, wait.

Don't ever eat the pea soup, please.

And, if someday you'll really want to,

just Skype me, ok?

I'll talk you out of it.

No-no, thank you.

No… I have a personal one.

It's with an olive oil extract.

Don't…

Keep it.

Keep it for yourself.

Keep this stuff for a while, yo?

These are the rules, yo.

Ok, fine.

And what is it?

Don't you worry, it will be fine, not to worry.

Okay.

Glory to Jesus Christ, blokes.

-Sup, Yonchi. -Yo.

How's your ginger kitty? Dropped the sprog?

Six. Four of them we gave away, the remaining two we drowned.

Enough cats already.

-Bless them! -Bless them.

Listen, why are you snooping around back and forth on my territory?

We're heading to the Marmarosky highland to pick up some herbs.

-Herbs? -Aye.

Look at them!

Oi-oi, who is that blondie next to you?

Hey, man, have we met each other?

We could have met.

-Where? -If you've been to Uzhgorod…

-No, I know nothing about that. -No?

He seems very suspicious. Yo, look me in the eye, man.

This bloke came from Kyiv.

Listen, why do you need that "stick", if you're off to pick up herbs?

It's not a stick. Meaning…

It's more of a "boom" rather then a "stick".

A "boom"?

What's that mumbling all about?

He says this stick is for sound recording or whatever.

He needs to record some sound.

Could you please explain properly what that is?

Well, this is called "a dead cat",

underneath is a "Zeppelin" and it's attached to…

Yo, little brat, get out of the car. Immediately!

Immediately get out of the car, or I will turn you into dust!

-This is not weapon… -I'll show you weapon!

Get out of the car, schmuck.

What is he saying?

Hands!

Hands.

Wait… Who gave you the right…

Cake hole!

What's that?

You can have a look.

Let your mother look there. What's that?

Can I?

Try it.

This is a lip balm.

What kind of a lip balm?

With an olive oil extract.

Show it.

How do you like it?

-You can try. -You serious?

Yonchi, that's a very good lip balm. You should buy one for your wife.

What are you saying?

That's a very good lip balm. You should buy one for your wife.

My mother used one of those and her face got swollen.

One shouldn't use too much of it. Just a bit.

Well, my mother is a maximalist, as you know.

Listen, Mihaj, get the infos from everyone:

IDs, registrations, note it all down.

As for that tall blondie, get his tax number as well,

he's very suspicious, you understand?

That's it.

Dude, you're aware that you're not allowed to pick up the wild orchids, right?

-Yonchi… -Quiet. It's forbidden.

I will check each one of you personally, upon your exit from the area.

Especially that tall hose. He's very suspicious.

-Fine? -Thanks, man. I owe you.

You owe me.

See you.

CONSERVATION AREA LAKE CHENDESH

Help!

Let's start. How do you call yourself?

Excuse me?

Name, surname?

Vadim Rott.

"Rott", as in "mouth"?

As in "mouth" but with a double "t".

Do you work or study?

I work.

Where?

Freelance.

That's not an option.

What exactly do you do?

I work in export.

Are you a businessman?

Well…

I export to the Western countries

the sounds of our animals.

Misha, dear, please make us some tea. I guess this will take time.

Let's do it this way, while he's making tea,

you skip your jokes and explain to me, why you've been spying up there.

I haven't been spying.

So what have you been doing there?

Let me say it as it is.

Of course! We're a family here.

I was trying to record the voice of the Rakhiv mallard,

Mykhailo Ivanovych.

Listen, skip the familiarity.

Vasia calls me Mykhailo Ivanovych, but for you I'm Comrade Major.

Where did you try to record the voice of the so-called "mallard"?

Forgive me, Comrade Major, Mykhailo Ivanovych…

I tried to do it at Lake Chendesh.

The lake has dried up.

There's nothing but a swamp. The same swamp you've got all over you.

Show me what you've recorded at the border,

I'm not joking with you anymore.

See, there's nothing, it's empty.

Better confess or I'll ask Vasia to check you.

I'm honest with you.

Vasia!

I've got no time for this.

Get your ass up.

-How are you doing? -Stand up!

Honestly, I am at work, the same thing.

Come on, what is it? Six?

And at what price are you?

We should have decreased a little.

I'll stay at work a little longer.

You come back, stay a little longer.

Put a "sale" sticker on the jar.

Just something else…

At least reach ten liters, and everything will be fine.

No, I still have a bit of work to do…

-Show me what's in your mouth. -There's nothing.

…don't worry. I'll take a taxi. Yeah.

Open it.

No, you have no right to.

My mouth is my private property, you cannot just get inside it.

By the way, you have to introduce yourself.

I need to see your documents.

Come on. You're coming in… No.

Listen to me.

Don't you fret… I don't have much time.

Mykhailo Ivanovych.

I found a 32GB memory card.

But I've never seen such a format.

It's not that simple. I don't sleep here.

Excuse me…

Are you ready, guys?

Let's see what he's got.

Play it from the start.

Next.

Ok, next.

That's what I thought.

I see, all clear.

Let's see what he has in his camera.

How do you turn it on?

There's a button on top.

Okay.

This button?

Okay.

Here you have it.

Where did you take this?

Show me.

This is near Mukachevo.

I don't remember anything like it.

Does your tooth ache?

Uh-huh.

Open your mouth.

Clutch it.

Hold it and listen!

Either we delete all your files, sounds, videos,

forget about this misunderstanding and tomorrow you leave for Kyiv,

or we let the espionage case go forward

and send the files off for examination.

Vadim, be honest with me,

do you like honey?

Depends on which kind of honey.

Linden.

No.

I'm allergic to it.

Hello, son!

Merry Christmas to you from me and Enzo.

We send you warm wishes from the heart of the Flemish region -

the fine town of Genk.

Genk is not the Europe you imagine.

It's somewhere in between Debrecen and Donetsk.

And to be honest, it's not exactly the heart of the Flemish region.

It's more like the right kidney.

Rain, factories and chocolate fondue.

In short, it's not Italy.

MAIL

Sorry I don't call you often,

there are a lot of problems I have to deal with.

Enzo has a big family,

we spent a month choosing gifts.

It's good we haven't forgotten about you.

We chose the present together.

Enzo wanted to get you a new mic

or a trip somewhere.

But I managed to persuade him to get you a down jacket!

Everyone wears them here!

It's not only très à la mode,

but also a protection for your pelvic area.

You know what I mean.

Our grandpa is soon to visit us,

Enzo promised to pay for his medical treatment.

I urge you, please, light a candle for him,

if you'll be visiting the church before Christmas.

Ask for his surgery to go well.

Place the candle wherever your heart tells you,

but better somewhere nearby St. Nicholas.

By the way, remember, I told you a story about cows?

I wondered if they could look up?

This Sunday Enzo and I are visiting a farm,

he ensures me that the Belgian cows can do it!

Renew your cancelled passport and come visit us.

Everyone will be happy to meet you!

Enjoy your new down jacket.

It's very expensive.

Very much.

Love you. Mom.

TO EVERY MOTHER