Original subtitles

[Beta] Chaos bots have been sent from the future

to stop the one person who can save the world.

Me?

- [chorus singing] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Teach a cat to play the piano Roller-skate all the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my ear wax? ♪

♪ To make a candle ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Win first place for World's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

♪ Kiss my friend, Scott? ♪

- [Scott grunts] - [object clatters]

[Scott yelping] Ah! Right on my gazebo!

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

[♪ theme music of Hat House playing]

[audience cheering and applause]

Welcome back. Before the break,

we announced the final two remaining contestants

of Hat House Season 22.

Kristine Sanchez

and Harry Haberdasher.

Only one of you can win the golden hat,

- two luxury spa passes... - [audience] Whoa!

...and a lifetime supply of hat bows.

[audience oohs and aahs]

Harry. You've brought 46 years of experience to this competition,

won every single challenge

and are the highest-scoring contestant in Hat House history.

Kristine. You are a teenager who loves hats.

It was an incredibly difficult decision...

until we dug through your social media,

- and found this. - [remote controller beeps]

- [reading] "Scarves rule, hats drool"? - [audience gasps]

It was a different time!

Harry, since you love scarves more than hats,

we must say, "hats off," to you.

And not in the good way.

Kristine Sanchez,

you are Hat House winner.

- [squeals and exclaims in joy] - [audience cheering and applauding]

And that's how Kristine Sanchez became a star.

She's sweet, she's grounded...

- [phone vibrating] - ...and she never has hat hair.

- [chimes] - Wherever she goes,

- Kristine is surrounded by adoring fans. - [cheers and applause]

- [chimes] - [squeals in joy]

- So, Kristine, tell me how it feels... - [screams in joy]

to be America's hattest star?

It's hat-tastic!

All of my years of hard work have finally paid off.

I've proven that anyone can achieve their dreams

in their mid-teens. [squeals] Rhymes.

It's really great that Kristine's as successful as I am now.

[scoffs] What do you mean "as successful as you?"

Well, Kristine's a worldwide star,

and I got a new job scraping barnacles off the pier.

We're both doing great!

Just a couple of mid-teens living the dream.

Speaking of which, it's scraping-o'clock.

[yelps] Hailey, close that door!

Can't you see I'm sleeping?

Hey, Beta, Kristine's back.

She won Hat House, too. Isn't that great?

What's great is that you can finally ask out Scott.

She must have moved on from him by now.

[sighs] I'm going to ask for her blessing, just to be sure.

But I bet Scott's small potatoes to a big celebrity like Kristine.

[phone notifications popping]

- [popping continues] - Uh, what's happening?

I'm being told that the new cast of Hat House has just been announced,

and super controversial hat-fluencer,

Ben Ling The Hat King, will be a contestant.

That's right, people. The king is in the ring!

And... [gasps] Ben Ling is at Carlsbad Mall,

signing autographs right now!

Hold on to your hats, folks.

We'll bring you that live, right after this commercial break!

All right, let's roll out of here.

- This kid is old news. - [door opens]

[door shuts]

Poor Kristine.

Okay, maybe this isn't the best time to talk to her about Scott.

Well, the fate of the world is at stake.

But don't worry. Whatever you decide,

I'll be right here, sleeping in support.

[Beta snores]

Hey, Kristine. Crazy crowd you had here earlier.

My PhotoDump is already losing followers,

and people are posting memes about me being old news.

But I was literally just on the news.

[whining and squealing] Why?

Maybe people need a minute to process the new cast announcement.

Hailey, I feel terrible.

Be honest. Is my career over?

Just give it a minute.

I'm sure you'll feel better in no time.

This new season of Hat House is gonna be juicy.

If Ben Ling The Hat King doesn't win,

I'll eat my hat.

[gasps] Hey. Mind if we take a picture?

Oh! Of course!

- Let me just... [sighs] - Thanks.

- It's for my Dump. - [camera shutter clicks]

92 degrees, unicorn matcha latte

for Justine, the... Bag Teen?

It's Kristine! Kristine The Hat Queen.

At least it was... [cries]

I know what you're gonna say, Beta, but no.

Now is definitely not the time to talk to Kristine about Scott.

Actually, I was going to say,

"You have spinach in your teeth."

Weird. I didn't even eat spinach today.

[Kristine sighs in despair]

So... Feel better?

It's over.

I'm only two years away from my late teens,

and I've already peaked. [whimpers]

I'm a hats-been.

Kristine, you'll get through this.

Hailey, I will never get through this.

I've spent my whole life obsessing about hats.

And where did it get me?

I just went from window display to bargain basement.

- Well, I'm done! - [thumps table]

I am done with fame.

I'm done with drama, and I am done with hats.

[gasps] No.

[squeals sadly]

- [hoarsely] Take it. - Oh, no, I... I couldn't.

Holy cats, I look amazing.

Don't I look amazing?

[squealing]

What am I doing? This is your favorite hat.

[sniffles] Hailey?

I have no favorite hat.

[gasps dramatically]

And here. Take my lifetime supply of hat bows,

which, of course, is 20, and my two free spa passes.

I am totes done with everything hat and Hat House related.

[sobbing]

Oh, Kristine.

Maybe a trip to the spa would help you feel better.

Look, this place has a relaxation room, a sauna,

and... [gasps softly] Ooh, it has Goat Yoga,

where those cute little goats help you stretch.

Hmm. I do like cute little goats.

Okay, I'll go.

But only if you come with me.

We can relax and talk--

Talk? Yes, [chuckles] let's do that.

There's actually something I've been wanting to talk to you about

- and-- - [squeals] Perfect. Let's go!

Oh, now? I haven't gotten my drink yet, but...

[door shuts]

Hey, where's the drink for Justine The Bag Teen?

All right, Hailey. Be brave.

I'm right here by your side.

Ready to... [gasps] Are those robes?

Ooh! Look at the thread count on those plush hunnies.

- Beta! Come back here-- - This was a great idea, bestie.

I'm starting to feel better.

Just as long as we don't talk about hats,

or competition shows, or hat competition shows.

That's fine. Because, like I said,

there's something I've actually been meaning

- to talk to you about. - [shushes]

Seriously?

I know you and Scott have been broken up for a while,

and... and you said you still had feelings for him,

but-- [mumbles indistinctly]

[calm and soothing resonating sound]

You've been gone for the show,

and you're a whole new person now, right?

- So it seems like-- - [gong sounding]

- [bleating] - I mean,

I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is-- [exclaiming] Ooh!

[bleat-screams]

Kristine, I like Scott. Okay?

And I thought maybe if you're over him by now, I might ask him out.

But only if that's cool by you,

since you're his ex and we're friends,

and I don't want to make anything weird. There, I said it. [sighs]

Kristine?

[snores aggressively]

[groans in dejection]

This spa is incredible, huh?

I've already taken three naps,

and this robe makes me look good! [laughs boisterously]

You think they'd notice if I borrowed it

- for a few years? - [door opens]

Hey, Kristine. How are you feeling?

Good! I think?

Although I am dittle lizzy.

Probably shouldn't have fallen asleep

in the steam room. [chuckles sheepishly]

I'm going to get some water. BRB.

Wait, where am I?

E-- Excuse me.

- Do you know where the water is? - Water?

- [shrieks] - This way.

OMG! You can talk?

Follow Yoga Goat,

for all the answers you seek.

[bleat-screams]

[Kristine] Wait!

[camera shutters continuously clicking]

[dings]

My followers are gone! They're all gone!

[screams]

[gasps] Uh...

Excuse me, did you see a Yoga Goat run past here?

I think he has the answer to all of my problems.

[goat bleating]

[gasps loudly]

So sorry. Yoga Goat tends to run a little fast,

and speak in the third person.

But here's the water you seek.

- Go nuts. - Oh?

I meant bottled water.

[bleats in annoyance]

Yoga Goat thinks you look shaken up.

[shrieks]

Spill. Are you okay?

I'm totally not.

Everything's weird and wrong.

- I mean, I'm talking to a goat. - Yoga Goat.

Right. Sorry. Anyway, I came to the spa to get away from my problems,

but they all followed me here.

Problems don't just disappear.

Trust Yoga Goat.

Real change comes from within.

But how can that happen

when I don't know who I am anymore?

I won Hat House.

I was on top of the world.

Everyone loved me.

Now, I'm old news.

Yoga Goat says fame is bleating.

You mean "fleeting"?

Yes. [bleat-screams]

You have to figure out what's truly important.

Ask yourself, "What is the love that ignites your joy?"

Yoga Goat's love is grass.

[exclaiming in pleasure] Nom nom. [grunts]

I love grass. [exclaims]

Love? You mean, like, Scott? My full-on ex-boyfriend?

You'll know when the love that ignites your joy is right in front of you.

Now, Yoga Goat says, "Wake up!"

- [gasps] - Kristine? Are you okay?

Hailey... I'm... more than okay.

A wise-talking Yoga Goat helped me realize

that I need to get back together with Scott.

What?

Talking yoga goat?

- [Kristine squeals, shouting] Scott! - Kristine?

Yes, Scott, it's me!

And you're you!

And I have something important to say.

This... can't be right.

I don't feel joy.

I don't feel... anything.

Me, neither.

But my body's numb from being in the cold ocean for five hours.

I think it's also why I smell like clams.

[grunts and strains]

- [panting] - [wind blowing]

[gasps]

[squeals] It's you!

The love that ignites my joy.

That's what the talking Yoga Goat meant.

My one true love is hats!

[bleat-screams]

[coughing]

I'm happy for you, Kristine.

We're both doing pretty, pretty good.

Welp, back to scraping.

- Jackknife! - [water splashing]

- So, you're back to hats? - [squeals] Yes!

Then you're finally over Scott?

I mean, you wouldn't be mad if he dated someone else?

Oh, I'm totally over Scott Denoga.

I just hope that he can find someone

who brings him the same kind of joy that hats bring me.

Someone like you, Hailey.

[squeals]

Well, that worked out.

I finally got some sleep.

- Kristine is over Scott, and-- - I finally have the green light

to ask Scott out! Wait.

I finally have the green light to ask Scott out.