Original subtitles

[Beta] Chaos bots have been sent from the future

to stop the one person who can save the world.

Me?

- [chorus singing] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Teach a cat to play the piano Roller-skate all the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my ear wax? ♪

♪ To make a candle ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Win first place for World's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

♪ Kiss my friend Scott? ♪

Huh? [grunts]

Ow, my Dingles!

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ On this day in a different year ♪

♪ The world got to say Hey, look who's here ♪

♪ Tootin' your horn So glad you were born ♪

♪ Everybody's ready to cheer ♪

♪ It's gonna be the best, best birthday ♪

Oh, yeah!

Good morning, friends.

- 'Sup? -"'Sup"?

That's the best you can do on this very special, important day?

What's so special about today?

Oh, do you mean because we're doing item number 303, paint a log?

It's not every day you paint a log.

In fact, most days, you don't paint a log because why would you?

Okay, okay, I see what's going on, jokesters.

Real nice job hiding my present.

Wonder what's under here.

- It's a box. - Yeah, I see that.

But the question is what's in the box?

[Hailey] Extra logs. Can't have too many.

[sighs] Did you seriously forget my--

[gasps] Oh, I get it.

The old box of logs fake out.

But I bet if I look under the bed, I'll find...

Dirty laundry?

You jerks actually forgot my pre-birthday?

What's a pre-birthday?

[screaming in frustration]

According to my hardware's manufacture date,

I am exactly 49 years in the future from today.

That is a very big deal,

and nothing is worth celebrating more!

Oh, sorry.

You want to paint a log?

[Beta grunting in frustration]

Just grab some paints from the drawer.

Seriously?

Gotta paint my own log on my--

Happy pre-birthday, Beta!

We didn't forget. We were messing with you.

The low energy, the decoy box,

the disgusting amount of dirty laundry.

Yeah, all part of the plan.

Oh, I was just messing with you guys

by making you think I didn't already know.

[chuckles nervously] Dummies.

And here's your present.

[gasps]

[Hailey] VIP tickets to a World Wrestling Group show tonight,

including a pre-show meet and greet with your fav Rowdy Russ Stanton.

[gasps] I'm going to meet Rowdy Russ?

Oh, best present ever!

Oh, man!

We're gonna see his signature Sasquatch Triple Clap,

and the Chem Trail Chokehold,

and the Flat Earth FaceBuster.

Ooh! Do we think Russ might be a conspiracy theorist?

But most importantly, we're going to witness in person

his famous finishing move, The Real Moon Landing.

- Ew. - Wow. Full moon.

And what's this? Another present?

How lucky am I?

No. My mom must have dropped that off earlier for me.

[chuckles] You guys are really milking this bit,

pretending not to pamper me for my--

Oh, you were serious. Yeah, it's for you.

Oh, nice. It's the hypnosis book

I ordered for list item number 538.

Hypnotize someone.

Ooh, this whole chapter shows how to hypnotize someone

into acting like different animals.

Cool. Now we just gotta find someone we can hypnotize.

Someone easily susceptible, with a totally clear mind.

- What? - Happy pre-birthday to me.

And with this final step, all of these involuntary actions

will be locked in with a snap of my fingers.

Did it work?

Hard to say.

You might need brains for this.

Let's test it.

If I whistle, Scott should act like a donkey.

- I mean, I'm not going to-- - [Hailey whistles]

[Scott braying]

- [gasps] - [Beta chuckles]

Do more, Hailey.

♪ Animal ♪

♪ You take me back To the wild ♪

♪ Animal ♪

[clucking]

♪ Cat got my tongue Not a milk truck ♪

♪ Lost for words The same haircut ♪

♪ Animal ♪

♪ Yeah, you take me back You take me back, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Animal, animal ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

-♪ Animal, animal ♪ - ♪ Ooh ♪

Flying squirrel? La-la-la-la-la.

♪ Ooh ♪

[Hailey gasps]

- Don't do that one again. - We won't.

Let's do that one again.

Okay, we've had our fun. Time to undo the hypnosis.

And those instructions are...

In Volume 2!

Don't worry, don't worry. I'll order it right now and--

40 bucks?

Huh. Quite the scam here you're running, Dr. Swirly-Eyes.

Well, two-day shipping is twice as much.

- Hailey! - Fine, two-day shipping.

Scott, you've got to stay home and away from any hypnosis triggers for 48 hours.

And miss Beta's pre-birthday?

Then you guys will go make memories and have these inside jokes

about the peanuts they sell at the show, and I won't get it.

And you guys will be like, "Oh, you were at home, hypnotized."

You'll try to explain the peanuts, but it won't be the same

because I wasn't there for the full peanuts experience.

So, yeah, no thanks. I'd literally rather die.

Um, I don't think they sell peanuts at the--

You know what I mean!

Come on, the triggers are so random.

We'll be fine.

This will go by in a snap.

- [Scott growling] - [Beta laughing]

[Beta gasps]

That's the ring Rowdy Russ has beaten countless opponents in.

[sniffs] You can practically smell the dominance.

Dominance smells like sweaty spandex and BO.

Holy hot chocolate, it's him!

There they are, the Rowdy Crowd.

Y'all excited to see the real Rowdy Russ?

Unlike anyone who thought they were seeing

the real Paul McCartney after 1966.

Am I right?

Okay. Definitely a conspiracy theorist.

Mr. Rowdy, will you take a picture with my friend's bear?

Russ takes pictures when Russ wants to take pictures.

Got it?

[Scott clucking]

Did you just bawk at me, brother?

He's calling you a chicken, Russ.

No, no. I would never, Mr. Rowdy.

- You're the opposite of a chicken. - What's the opposite of a chicken?

- An elephant. - An egg!

Wait, that's a pre-chicken.

A dead chicken. Boom! Obvious!

- [clucking] - What's your deal, cluckhead?

Quit calling Rowdy Russ a chicken!

Yeah, quit calling him a chicken.

No, no, no. It's just your Sasquatch Triple Clap makes me--

- [clucking] - [Rowdy Russ gasps]

Watch it, you little chicklet!

I'm strapped and jacked, and you clearly eat like a bird.

Which are not real, by the way.

You don't think birds are real?

Why do you think they perch on telephone wires?

They're recharging.

- [clucking] - Oh, that's it.

You, me, that ring, tonight at the big show.

We'll see who's chicken then, ya jabroni!

Wait. You can't wrestle him.

I sure can.

In fact, I'm not stepping into the ring tonight

unless it's against this bird brain.

Because it's my butt on that ticket, little lady,

and my butt makes the rules.

- Your butt makes rules? - [Beta] So cool.

See you for the smackdown, feather face.

Okay.

Well, we obviously gotta leave before that wacko wrestles you.

And just like that, my pre-birthday dreams are pre-ruined.

No, we're staying.

I may have ruined Beta's opportunity to get a picture with Rowdy Russ,

but I'll be hammed

if I ruin his chance to see his hero wrestle in person.

- Scott, no. - Let's hear him out.

I'm stepping into that ring tonight and wrestling Rowdy Russ.

What if you get hurt?

[chuckles] Hailey, come on.

Everyone knows wrestling is just for show.

[Scott screaming]

Wait, wait. We didn't even decide on a safe word.

Just try to not get more hurt.

- Wow. Manager of the Year over here. - We gotta figure out a way to help.

Honestly, we don't have much time.

He's got him in the Illuminati Stronghold.

[all cheering]

Hey, get back here!

Wait, that's it. Scott went snake mode because of that bell,

and it totally helped him.

What's he gonna do? Slither Russ into submission?

Oh, he can get wilder than that.

What the-- That's against the rules.

Take it up with your butt.

[grunts angrily]

[whistles]

[braying like donkey]

[yodeling]

♪ It's obvious That I was born for this ♪

♪ You know I was born for this ♪

[audience cheering]

[blow horn blowing]

♪ I got it, I got it I got it ♪

♪ You know I was born for this ♪

[buzzing like bee]

Hello, guvnor. A cup of tea.

[audience cheering and exclaiming]

♪ Na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na ♪

- [Scott snarling like bull] - I'm not proud of this, either.

I'm usually on the receiving end of this,

but you two are nuts.

It's time to finish him.

La-la-la-la-la.

♪ You know I was born for this ♪

[chittering like chipmunk]

[gasps] Oh, no!

[audience gasping]

[bell dinging]

[Hailey] Whoo-hoo!

♪ Get up in the fire Kill 'em in the game ♪

♪ Come here 'cause I am Legend in the game ♪

Everything hurts, and I don't remember much,

but thanks for having my back, Hails.

You were an animal out there.

Actually several animals.

I didn't get to see Russ' famous finishing move in person,

so way to go, Scott.

But that was pretty cool.

Thanks for a memorable pre-birthday, you buffoon.

I wuv you.

That was an accident.

[audience cheering]

♪ Call the champion ♪

All right, brother, put her there.

You're one weird cat,

especially when you acted like a cat.

But you beat Rowdy Russ and have earned my respect.

You're a good wrestler, kid.

That was my first time wrestling.

What? [grunts angrily]

[Rowdy Russ breathes deeply]

Wait, before you go,

could you perform The Real Moon Landing for us?

Since we never saw it.

Absolutely. Hop in the ring.

Could you actually perform it on my friend's stuffed bear?

Okay, hotshot.

You sure do a lot for this bear.

I'm starting to think it's actually a supercomputer sent from the future

for a top secret world-saving mission.

[chuckles] Oh, Russ.

You and your wacky theories.

♪ This birthday Is gonna be a-- ♪

[Beta] I wuv you.