Original subtitles

[♪ intriguing instrumental music]

[ringing]

- Yeah! - [whoops]

Five shots in a row! Take that, list item number 75.

You're a natural!

Natural? That took you 102 tries!

- [basketball bouncing] - Hey hey, Hailey Banks-shot!

- [winces] - [glass shattering]

[groans]

Thanks for letting us use the Master Arcade Card your mom gave you.

It's so weird, I still can't figure out where my card went.

Huh, yeah.

So weird.

But hey, it's time for me to collect my money.

- Money? - Whose-a what now?

I know. Ugh, I hate this part, too!

It's all in the back of the card.

[Hailey] Terms are legally binding?

Let's see. 102 games at a $1.50 a game,

plus sales tax, state tax, income tax, and shipping fees...

That means you owe me an even three hundo!

$300? Are you for serious?

Serious as a bite wound!

Which my snapping turtle, Mr. Chompers, has been known to inflict on people

who don't pay me in a timely fashion.

I'd hate if he chomped you.

You guys are like family.

I am family.

And it's only fair that until I'm paid back,

I hold onto something of yours.

- Hey! Not Beta! - [Becker] Don't worry.

Mr. Chompers will keep him company. [laughs]

Hoo boy. We need money, and fast!

Scott. I think we need...

- [♪ dramatic music] - ...jobs.

- Jobs? - [both groan]

- When. - [grunts]

Hey mom, could you hire us?

To, like, work?

Honestly, kiddo? I'm looking to fire, not hire.

- [crashing] - Darryl!

The ice cream goes in the cone, not the other way around!

I'd never pay you to work for me anyway.

I'd expect you to do that for free.

You're like family!

I am family. What is this?

Sorry to eavesdrop. I mean, not in a weird way!

Although, my son always tells me I'm a big weirdo.

[chuckles]

You're not a weirdo, Gretchen.

[in strange accent] How about now?

[laughing]

Anyway, I'm hiring at my store.

Mind you, they're just temporary positions.

- Fine by us. - We only wanna work temporarily.

Great! Hope I see you there.

Fans Plus? Where have we heard that before?

Hello, Hailey Banks.

[sighs] Hi, A.C.

Gretchen mentioned you'd be stopping by.

Hi, gang!

Isn't my sweetie weetie A.C. just the best?

[both chuckling]

Mom! [grunts]

[yells]

Gretchen! [grunts] Stop being a weirdo!

Right. [chuckles nervously] That's me.

And remember, you can call me Mom.

[groans] Anyway.

Behold my empire!

One day, every fan in this place will be mine!

All mine!

[laughs maniacally]

[groans]

Oh, what the beans!

So, you guys are hiring?

We are. But don't get ahead of yourself, Failey Banks.

You'd have some very large shoes to fill.

[Hailey] Aww!

I mean, wow! Huge.

- [Gretchen] That's Mommy's big boy! - Gretchen.

You're mom-barrassing me!

[clears throat] As I was saying,

today we are filming the first ever Fans Plus commercial.

I don't think you were saying--

We have the hottest director in the local commercial business

and, spoiler alert,

I'm the star.

So, should we deem you Fans Plus material,

we'd need you to cover my vital position as Regional Surplus Vice-Manager.

[Gretchen] He's the stock boy!

Gretchen! If I need you, I will ring the Gretchen bell.

- [bell rings] - You rang?

No, that was for demonstration only!

[scoffs] The job interview starts now.

Hello. I'm Ronald, a clueless customer, and this is a role play.

What's the blade size of a four-turbine oscillating floor fan, hmm?

- Um, small? - Wrong! It's over 7.25 inches!

Wait, how do you know that?

I thought you said you're a clueless customer.

Your story seems to change a lot, Ronald,

if that's even your real name.

Ronald's name tag says "A.C."!

Yeah! Yes, but in this role play, my name is--

Let's cut to the chase.

Are you a spy sent from Fan World?

You guys have no shame.

What? No. Stop this! Start it over.

Hello. I'm an average customer who buys three to four fans a week--

That's 200 fans a year!

Do you, like, make the wind?

I'm just here to buy a fan!

Well, why didn't you say so?

- [clapping] - Right this way, Ronald.

Wonderful job, gang. You're hired.

What? No, no! We need to start over!

[door slams open]

[♪ funky instrumental music]

Hello, Sam. I mean, uh, Mr. Rodriguez.

May I just say, your latest masterpiece was a triumph.

You should see my director's cut.

It's three and a half hours long and will change your life.

Oh, um, I was talking about the Smoothie Shack commercial with the burping cow?

So was I.

[A.C.] Oh, of course you were. [clears throat]

Anyways, I was thinking we could start our Fans Plus commercial by--

As I said when you hired me,

I must have complete creative control.

I let the story find itself... [yells]

Well, yes, but I'm your leading man.

The face of Fans Plus!

Fine. I trained a cow to burp, so I can work with anyone.

Isn't that right, Maurice?

[slurping]

[burps]

He's my cameraman now.

- Well, now I've seen it all. - [phone vibrating]

- Hey, Beta. - [Beta on call] Hailey!

I am in grave danger.

I'm locked up with an insane turtle!

You gotta get me out. This guy is an absolute maniac!

[grunts]

[gasps] He's closing in!

Please tell me you have Becker's money.

[Hailey] We're working on it. You're just gonna have to hang in there.

[♪ dramatic music]

[Beta] Attack!

May my demise be swift and painless.

- I'll take a flan! - [Sam] Cut!

A.C., you did it again.

You said "flan" instead of "fan!"

I did? [chuckles nervously] That's weird.

I could have sworn I said flan... I mean, flan.

I mean, flan!

Flan! Flan! Flan!

Oh, what the beans?

Please stop flailing your arms.

[inhales]

Remember, acting is reacting.

Close your eyes and do what I say.

Be a seed.

Grow into a flower.

Float down a river. Feel the river. Become a crocodile.

Eat the flower.

Now crush its dreams.

- And scream! - [screams]

Yes! Yes! That's it!

Maurice, roll camera!

And, action!

I'll take a...

Wait, am I the flower or a crocodile?

Cut, cut, cut!

[grunts in frustration]

[slurps]

[voice vibrating] DJ Double Deuce in the house!

Dropping another one!

I'm Windy Feathers out here reporting live from a hurricane!

[mimics robot] I am a robot.

I wish to know human emotions.

I'm melting! Melting...

♪ Fish skin Za za za za za za ♪

[both laugh]

Amazing.

The electricity between you two is simply edible.

It's that classic old Hollywood chemistry.

Like Bogart and Hepburn, or Maurice and his banana-oat smoothie.

This project needs you.

Please say you'll be in the commercial.

- Sure. - Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa! We were doing fine!

I just needed to warm up a little, is all.

Don't worry. I have the perfect role for you.

A.C., can you move three steps back and to the left?

More.

A little more.

Little more.

Little more.

[objects clattering]

[A.C.] I'm in the supply closet!

[Sam] Perfect!

From the top.

But this time, I'll have my new attractive stars say the line. Action!

- Come on down... - To Fans Plus!

[Sam] Cut!

Poetry.

You two are the new faces of Fans Plus.

[sobbing]

I'll be in my trailer.

[♪ somber instrumental music]

Hey, Sam, can I talk to you?

[Hailey] Uh, I think you're supposed to blow it.

I blew it all right.

And what do you want, to rub it in my handsome, handsome face?

I just wanted to say sorry, A.C.

I didn't mean to take the lead role in your commercial.

Commercials are lame!

I was honestly doing Sam a favor.

Fans are pretty lame, too, right?

How dare you?

Fans are not lame!

A room without a fan is like a song without music,

a sky without sun!

Sure, you all can have your so-called great loves,

your girlfriends, your boyfriends, your plus-ones,

but when push comes to shove,

I'll take a fan!

[Sam] Cut! [claps]

What's going on?

We got it. Incredible.

A.C., you were so raw and real!

Oh, that's why it was easy.

You know, acting is really just reacting.

It was really nice of you to set that up with Sam.

- That's my big superstar boy! - Hey. Gretchen! [grunts]

[Sam] Welcome, all, to the world premiere of my Fans Plus commercial.

Once in a generation, art is created

that changes the very nature of commercials.

[shushes] Here it comes!

If you or a loved one has been injured

in a Honey Doo-related bear attack,

contact the law offices of Graci, Gulino, and Cortez today!

[Hailey and Scott repeating] Fans!

[in slo-mo] Fans!

[both repeating] Fans...

- Plus. - [♪ upbeat music playing]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[slurping]

[grunts] A.C., I am so--

That was so brilliant!

Did you hear the way I said "Plus?"

On TV!

Oh, my fan legacy is etched in stone forever!

Did you see it, Mommy?

You did great, schmookems!

Thank you, both for your help

and for being such great friends to my special boy.

Here are your paychecks.

Don't be a stranger.

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

Yoink! Consider your debt paid.

And here's your doll back.

Mr. Chompers is really gonna miss him.

Beta! You survived!

I need a screen wipe and a nap.

[shudders] I never wanna see another animal again!

[screams] Too soon! [yells]

Too soon!

[Hailey singing] ♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ World's what you make it ♪

♪ Get up and chase it ♪

♪ Leaving nothing to chance ♪

♪ I'm taking action, making it happen ♪

♪ No matter what tomorrow might bring ♪

♪ I got the guts to do anything ♪

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ Promise, I'm on it ♪

♪ I'm on it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey! ♪ - [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪