Original subtitles

[Beta] Chaos Bots have been sent from the future

to stop the one person who can save the world!

Me?

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Teach a cat to play the piano ♪

♪ Roller-skate all the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my ear wax to make a candle ♪

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Win first place ♪

♪ For world's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

- Kiss my friend Scott? - Huh? Aah!

[metal jangles]

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

[Christmas music playing]

♪ It's Christmas ♪

Happy Holidays, everyone!

What a great year 2074 has been for us.

You know, some folks might say our little company

is about inter-dimensional timeline stabilization.

But, really, It's about the people.

- [zap] - [all gasp]

[giggles] I just portaled to ancient France

and pantsed Napoleon!

[laughter]

Okay. Who wants to come with me to feed candy canes

to some dinosaurs?

[murmuring excitedly]

- [loud buzzer] - [all gasp]

While portaling pranks are admittedly hilarious,

you know they risk disrupting the cosmic timeline.

So, come on. Everybody, hand over your portal cards.

You can have them back after the party.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Okay, this year, of course, we are celebrating the 50th anniversary

of when Hailey Banks organized the most incredible

Oceanside Christmas Festival ever.

[sighs] I just wish we could have all been there

for what must have been a magical time.

[Christmas bells jingling]

Ugh! For the love of fruitcake!

C'mon, Darryl! It's not the Oceanside Christmas "Pestival."

It's supposed to say "festival"!

Ohh.

That is a surprisingly clever workaround,

but this festival has to be perfect.

And you know your costume is for the wrong holiday, right?

Costume?

Ugh.

As much as I love seeing "assertive Hailey,"

According to the blood pressure data I'm getting from your wristband...

- you need to chillax, girl! - How am I supposed to chillax?

You're the one who told me that this is

my one and only shot to tackle list item #215,

"throw the best Oceanside Christmas Festival ever"!

Yes, the future of the world and everyone you care about

depends on you succeeding.

But maybe you could think about some pretty waterfalls

or something while you do it.

I'm thinking about throwing you off a waterfall.

- What did you just grumble? - Merry Christmas!

Don't worry, Hailey.

I got something that's gonna blow everyone's mind at the show.

I hired Lil' Rudy to pass out candy canes this year!

"San Diego County's Only Skateboarding Mini Reindeer"?

And he was a steal!

Guess how much he cost to rent for the day?

- Fifty bucks? - Thirty bucks?

Yeah, something... in that ballpark.

As adorable as that sounds, Scott,

this is the Oceanside Christmas Pesti--Festival!

Dang it, Darryl, now you got me saying it!

Anyway, this isn't some rinky-dink

San Clemente Arbor Day Festival. We need to go big!

You want me to find a big skateboarding reindeer?

Just stay here, and sign for any deliveries that come.

I need to get home and finish working on my original Christmas song for the show.

Hailey, you've been working on that for six months.

And no offense, it stinks, and you've only made it worse.

You can't just say, "no offense," and then be mean, Beta.

But yes. All right, I admit version 236 was a little rough,

but I think 237 is really gonna nail it.

[♪ loud music with whistles and horns playing]

What do ya think? I threw in all the bells and whistles.

Seriously, I bought a bell and whistle plug-in

that came with 50 different options,

and they're all in there!

Look, I know I'm technically a producer on this track,

but I'll be fine if you don't mention me in the credits.

Ah! Ha ha!

Professor! What are you doing here?

Oh, we're having a Christmas Party back at the lab,

so I'm trying to hide everyone's portal cards before things get too crazy.

People can just portal for the fun of it?

Well, we're not supposed to, because it can mess

with the very fabric of time and space and yadda-yadda-yadda,

but what are you gonna do?

It's the holidays, and people like to have fun.

[laughs] Last year, we went back to ancient England

and propped up a bunch of big rocks just to see

the look on people's faces. [chuckles]

Oh, shoot, did we ever go back and fix that?

Anyway, do me a solid and keep an eye on these

for a minute so no one gets tempted to use them, mmkay?

Thanks, bye!

[loud thud]

You guys seen a portal around here?

Nope. And I'll thank you to keep your muddy boots

out of my Swole Zone.

Okay, don't panic!

I just need to find the nearest portal machine.

Those don't exist yet.

My dad had a flip phone a year ago.

Okay, don't panic!

I feel like you're saying that a lot.

This is why I always carry

an emergency portal-making remote.

[clicking]

Ah, crumbs. It's not charged.

Well, I guess I'm hanging out with you guys

while this powers up. This will be fun!

I love the past!

Ooh, an analog clock?

Okay, don't tell me. I can do this.

It's 2:00. And then big hand on the 6 means... 2:30!

Don't ask me if it's a.m. or p.m., because I don't know!

And-- [gasps] Ooh, look at this!

Ha! He keeps diving into the water.

What in the world?

Wait, you're staying for more than, like, a minute this time?

That's great! You can tell me all about the future

- and help me with my li-- - Oh, yeah, afraid not.

There's that whole "destroying the fabric of the space-time continuum"

- thing to worry about. - Well, can you at least give me

the jackpot numbers you promised?

[laughs] Oh, no. I was just doing that as a hilarious prank.

'Cause again, and I don't want to sound

like a broken holo-transmorpher here,

but no spoilers about the future.

- Huh. - In fact,

forget I mentioned a holo-transmorpher.

I don't even know if that's a thing.

It probably isn't.

[groans] Well, as long as you're here,

maybe you can give me some thoughts

on my original Christmas song.

Oh, no. Can we not?

[loud whistles, horns, and sirens]

- [music turns off] - Well... that's a lot.

Thanks! It's called "Keep Christmas Simple."

Oh, no! Is it too simple?

Maybe I could add some more sirens.

No! Look, I know I'm not supposed to do this,

but I'm gonna do this.

This is a copy of next week's newspaper

Oh, cool!

Does it have the answer to this week's jumble?

My best guess was "Mapledog."

What? No, just read it.

"This year's Christmas Festival was a huge success!

"Thanks entirely to the adorable reindeer,

Lil' Rudy"?

See? There's no reason to stress out with all... that.

Because all anyone's gonna remember

is that adorable skateboarding reindeer!

Oh, man. That's devastating

That means... Scott was right!

Oh! Well, good, I guess.

I wanted the festival to be a success,

and I guess it will be!

Despite my hundreds of hours of work. Yippee.

Hailey, can I hide your dad's ugliest Christmas sweaters

in here so he doesn't try to wear them--

- Who's this? - This? Um, this is Professor--

Professor Phoenix Thunderslayer!

I've always loved that name... that is my own.

Oh, Mom! Don't act like you don't remember!

Professor Thunderslayer is visiting

all the way from the fu-- Falkland Islands.

Uh, to be a consultant for the Christmas Festival.

So she's staying with us.

Hailey, I think I'd remember

if we agreed to let a grown woman--

Wait, you seriously don't remember? I told you!

It was that night you made a big bowl of your eggnog

and said you wouldn't finish it,

but then the next morning, it was, like, totally gone.

You know what? I remember now. Professor Thunderslayer!

Welcome!

You also said you'd buy me a car.

Don't push it.

[sips]

Phoenix Thunderslayer?

Can you believe I just made that up?

Alrighty, looks like this sucker will have enough charge

for a full portal in about 50...

years?!

Ugh! Might as well just wait for the future.

We'll get there at the same time.

Well, if you need a charge,

I did order a bunch of high-voltage generators

for the light show down at the pier.

Worth a try. I do not want to be stuck here

for the Great Lemming Stampede of 2029.

I mean, I'm just messing with you.

Again, that totally doesn't happen. Not a spoiler.

You should really work on talking less.

All right. The last delivery should be here soon.

Darryl, all I need you to do is count the lights

to make sure we got 'em all.

Count the lights. Got it.

One, two, three...

two, three, two, three, two--

Not those lights. The boxes.

The boxes are the lights.

The boxes are the lights!

Mind... blown.

Oh, man, is this a phone?

- [dial tone] - Who's that?

Whoa, the Professor's here?

Hey, do you still have that sick backpack?

- This? - Whoa!

Adjustable length shoulder straps?

It's just a backpack, you Neanderthal!

It's pretty obvious future backpack technology

remains largely unchanged!

Scott, we need to get the Professor back to the future

by charging her portal remote.

[electric hum]

[gasps] Is that him?!

[beeping sound]

It's Lil' Rudy! [squeals] Who has a carrot?

I wanna see him nibble a carrot!

So, if you guys are cool to unload out here,

I'm gonna unload in here.

O-M-G, I need to get a picture with Lil' Rudy!

This is gonna blow DeAndre's mind.

It's way better than pantsing Napoleon.

- [laughing] - Um, how does this work?

Tapping's not working.

Yeah, it's a non-tactile phone.

But it has full telepathic and emotional functionality.

Just clear your mind, and try to emote...

"4D-camera mode."

Ugh, not the flashlight!

You're overthinking it. Give it to Scott.

I'm overthinking it?

You future scientists tried to upgrade the button.

Sweet!

You couldn't figure out that phone if it--

[camera shutters]

- Seriously? - Well, jingle my bells.

What a simple design!

I'm surprised you future people

even still use buttons like this one.

Don't press that!

Stop him!

If he goes through that portal, it could alter the future!

I got him! [yelps]

[gasps]

[shouting]

[gasps]

Hey, you must be, DeAndre.

Awesome! Say, quick favor,

This portal is getting real tight,

and I need that reindeer to come back with me,

or a super important Christmas event will be ruined.

And I know you don't wanna ruin Christmas, right?

What's Christmas?

- [gasps, yelps] - [grunts]

- Okay, this might be bad. - Let's not panic.

We don't know the consequences of losing Lil' Rudy just yet.

I just saw DeAndre. He never heard of Christmas.

What?! DeAndre lives for Christmas.

He starts wearing his candy cane boxers in September.

[epic music playing]

[Beta] Worst Christmas Festival ever?

Lil' Rudy not being here must have created a ripple effect

which, over the next 50 years,

causes Christmas spirit to plummet the world over.

- We need that reindeer back! - Guys, don't worry about it.

As soon as DeAndre realizes

that reindeer doesn't belong in the future,

he'll just open up a portal and send it back.

[groans] And how is he gonna do that, exactly?

Easy, he just has to use his portal card

to activate the portal machine.

- And which portal card is that? - This portal card right here!

Oh, figgy pudding.

Please, just put down the jet pack.

Where are our portal cards?

Okay, as the only one here

who has earned multiple doctorate degrees,

I now give everyone permission to panic!

[Professor and Scott screaming]

[all screaming]

[Scott screaming] What's going on, Hailey?

Usually you're the one leading the panic parade.

The "Panic Grand Marshal," if you will.

True. I've panicked before, and I will surely panic again.

But today, with the Christmas Festival

just a couple hours away, no time for that!

We've spent almost a year crossing off list items

we had no business completing.

Escaping the Tomb of Doom? Done.

Climbing Mount Oceanside? Easy.

Cleaning the attic?

Well, I'm sure we'll get to that one eventually.

Point is, we've pulled off all sorts of crazy miracles.

So we're just gonna have to do it again.

Heck, yeah!

But you could also look at it like

- we have been pretty lucky. - [squeaks]

Not the direction we're going in, Beta.

Professor, Scott and I will just have to put on

the best darn Christmas festival the town has ever seen

while you and Beta work on getting enough power

to charge the portal remote.

I suppose we could connect all the generators

to the high-voltage lines.

And I can hack into the nuclear power plant.

They don't change the password over there for another 15 years.

Great! I mean, you know, kind of irresponsible,

but, good for us!

I'll call in every favor I can.

and if we can just keep everyone entertained

until Lil' Rudy gets back,

we just might be able to save Christmas!

Well, I feel a whole Christmas ham lighter.

So what were you guys saying about Lil' Rudy?

- Gotta go! - I'm just a bear.

Stuff. Some stuff.

♪ Fa la la la la la ♪

- ♪ Fa la la la la la ♪ - ♪ Let me hear you say ♪

♪ Christmas is coming to O-side ♪

♪ We got a little more sand than snow ♪

♪ But we got that winter spirit ♪

♪ Palm trees swingin' like mistletoe ♪

♪ No better season to visit ♪

♪ Got snow globes in the gift shop ♪

♪ And Santa rocking flip-flops... ♪

[out of tune] ♪ La, la ♪

♪ More than just a beachside pit-stop, hey ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la Fa la la la la la ♪

- ♪ Fa la la la la la ♪ - ♪ Let me hear you say ♪

♪ Christmas is coming to O-side ♪

- ♪ Fa la la la la la ♪ - ♪ Let me hear you say ♪

♪ Christmas is coming to O-side ♪

[audience murmuring]

Welcome, everybody, to what will surely be known

as the best Oceanside Christmas Festival ever!

[Felicia] You don't get to decide that! We do!

Okay! Well, to kick things off,

here are The Funcles, featuring Patricia and Kai Banks!

[audience clapping]

[banjo in the tune of "Deck the Halls"]

♪ Time to wear my Holiday sweater ♪

♪ Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ♪

♪ A garbage bag would be much better ♪

♪ Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪

♪ Waited 'til December for this moment ♪

♪ It has a jelly stain from a donut! ♪

♪ But if it puts you in the spirit ♪

♪ Wha-wha-wha-wha- wha-wha-wha-wha? ♪

♪ I'm no Scrooge I got one, too! ♪

♪ You've made my Holiday wish come true! ♪

♪ Now we've both got Holiday sweaters! ♪

♪ Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! ♪

[audience clapping]

Is the portal remote charged yet?

With the amount of juice we've got pulled in here,

It'll charge in no time!

[sighs] Only problem is...

these wires are a mess!

Look, we're gonna need some more time.

Okay, as long as we get Lil' Rudy back for my song at the end.

I mean, I did add some killer car-alarm drops,

so we may not even need---

- No! - Nope!

You two just keep the show going and buy us some time.

We are not gonna risk the future of Christmas itself

on your awful--

I mean, awfully noise-filled holiday song.

♪ Our heartbeats pulse together ♪

♪ Frozen dreams in snowy weather ♪

♪ The discotheque is lonely, yah ♪

♪ It's Christmas in Shuronia ♪

♪ The guest list keeps reindeer out ♪

♪ As we slap ourselves with Christmas trout ♪

♪ Hope the trout's not boney, yah? ♪

♪ It's Christmas in Shuronia ♪

♪ Now do the Christmas Pulse ♪

[dance beat drops]

[Olga] Why are you dimwits not dancing?

Do the Christmas Pulse!

In Shuronia, you pulse like this

so the Christmas accountant knows to come to your house

and tally your good and bad deeds!

Ya, If you don't do it, it's technically tax evasion!

- Oh, yeah! - [♪ dance music continues]

[crashing]

[Beta] I wuv you.

[Christmas music plays]

♪ It's the night before Christmas and I lay in my bed ♪

♪ Visions of Dingle chips dance in my head! ♪

♪ I shake my presents up a bunch ♪

♪ Do I hear that sweet Dingles crunch? ♪

♪ So many flavors I just have to try ♪

♪ My salt intake is dangerously high! ♪

♪ Cheddar, Sweet Onion, or Sea Salt and Lime ♪

♪ People say I have a problem but I can stop any time ♪

No, I can't!

♪ Oh, Santa, forget the toys and any gift that jingles ♪

♪ 'Cause this year, all I want is Dingles ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, Dingles ♪

♪ Christmas! ♪

Don't forget to sign up for our new monthly subscription service, ChipFlix!

Dingles in your mailbox, every week!

Premium members get early access to seasonal flavors

and can designs!

- Who would want to-- - Take my money!

[growls] Huh?

No!

[dings]

- ♪ And your love ♪ - ♪ Your love ♪

♪ Makes me higher ♪

♪ So much higher ♪

♪ Than the smoke from my yule log fire ♪

- ♪ Fire ♪ - [cheering]

[passes gas]

- Eww! Ohh. - Ladies and gentlemen!

The moment you've all been waiting for.

I've been waiting for this show to end.

I, Scott Denoga,

will combine the two most awesome things in the world,

Christmas and bike stunts!

By jumping this Christmas tree on my bike.

[bell rings]

[crash]

[car alarm sounds]

Nailed it.

Ooh, sounds like Santa got my letter.

♪ Rats chewed through the stockings ♪

♪ The presents are in flames ♪

♪ The eggnog has gone rotten ♪

♪ And my stomach's feeling strange ♪

♪ This fruitcake is from 1982 ♪

♪ So much Christmas spirit I could spew! ♪

♪ Christmas 'til you ♪

♪ Puke ♪

♪ Christmas 'til you ♪

♪ Puke ♪

♪ Christmas 'til you ♪

[child crying]

Golly, everybody, thank you so much!

Give it up for Scorn Husk, everybody! [chuckles]

Who wants another encore?

[Felicia] No! Nobody wants that!

[all gasp and murmur]

Don't worry, everybody. It's all just part of the show.

[audience chattering]

Please enjoy this diving penguin while I prepare our big finale!

[soft music playing]

[Felicia] This is the best performance we've seen all night!

Guys, we're out of time!

Hang on. There's a genius at work.

How can you...

This looks like how my mind thinks.

Now I've just gotta make sure I don't over amplify

the R-win voltage capacitors,

- and... done! - [system powering up]

[beeping]

- I just kinda get some stuff. - [gasps] Sweet!

We should have enough charge in the remote for a portal in two minutes.

Go ahead, and perform your song, even if it's terrible.

Lil' Rudy will be back to save us all before it ends!

Great! And also... hey!

Good news, everybody. It's time for our big finale.

Two diving penguins?

This last song is better than a million diving penguins!

I hope.

[horns and sirens play]

[vocoder] ♪ Keep Christmas, keep Christmas ♪

♪ Keep Christmas ♪

[all gasp]

- [crowd murmuring] - [Felicia] Is that the end?

Oh, no. The main power cord got severed.

What does that mean?

It means no lights, no music, and no Lil' Rudy.

Our luck finally ran out.

[crowd sighing and murmuring]

I'm sorry, Hailey. You tried your best.

Maybe we're just out of miracles.

[crowd murmuring]

[piano music playing]

♪ Keep Christmas simple ♪

♪ And straight from the heart ♪

♪ No bows or tinsel ♪

♪ You don't need much to start ♪

♪ Celebratin' all together Nothing better ♪

♪ Forgot about the rest ♪

♪ Keep Christmas simple ♪

♪ 'Cause sometimes simple's best ♪

Now, sing it with me, everybody!

♪ Keep Christmas simple ♪

[Hailey] Yeah!

♪ And straight from the heart ♪

♪ Straight from the heart ♪

♪ No bows or tinsel ♪

♪ You don't need much to start ♪

♪ Celebratin' all together Nothing better ♪

♪ Forgot about the rest ♪

♪ Keep Christmas simple ♪

♪ 'Cause sometimes simple's best ♪

[piano continues]

♪ Keep Christmas simple ♪

You know, I was actually a producer on this song.

Hey, let's check the newspaper!

"Best Christmas Show Ever!"

- Hiya! - [Beta] Bot!

♪ All together Nothing better ♪

♪ Forgot about the rest ♪

♪ Keep Christmas simple ♪

♪ 'Cause sometimes simple's best ♪

The boxes are the lights.

[powering up]

It's portal time!

[grunts]

[music continues]

[kids laugh]

Ho, ho... hold your horses, Rudy!

It's a Christmas miracle.

I'm charging triple to rent him out next year.

[Christmas music playing]

Best Oceanside Christmas Festival ever.

- Mele Kalikimaka, Hailey. - Mele Kalikimaka, Dad.

[grunts]

Ho, ho, hold your horses, Rudy!

♪ Fa la la la la la ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la Fa la la la la la ♪

♪ Let me hear you say ♪

♪ Christmas is coming to O-side ♪

♪ We got a little more sand than snow ♪

♪ But we got that Winter spirit ♪

♪ Palm trees swingin' like mistletoe ♪

♪ No better season to visit ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la ♪

♪ Let me hear you say ♪

♪ Christmas is coming to O-side ♪

♪ Christmas is coming to O-side ♪