Original subtitles

- [Hailey] Eh. - [Beta] Hailey, today's

list item is number 91.

Tell the truth for an entire day.

Sun up, to sun down.

[blows raspberry] Well, that's an easy one.

- I'm always honest, Beta. - Good, now, do you think

I look as awesome as Rowdy Russ?

[tense theme playing]

Uh...

Okay, today is my day of truth.

Cool! Hey, I've always wondered,

are there any list items you haven't told me about?

- [tense theme playing] - [Hailey groans]

[salesperson on phone] Do you have a moment?

Honestly? [sighs] I do.

Then let me tell you about our exclusive offers

about your cell phone's extended warranty.

That is, unless you have a reason

to get off the phone, right now?

[groans]

So, what do you think of my new recipe?

[groans]

It is so hard to always tell the truth!

Maybe I can put this list item off for a while.

Okay, okay, I'll do it. Sheesh.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

No, seriously, I'm gonna do it!

No, seriously, your pants are on fire.

Oh! [gasping]

So the time glitches have a sense of humor now?

Yes, they're very dry.

Look, these time glitches mean

you better get this item done today,

or we're all in big trouble!

Fine! I just had no idea

how hard it is to be completely honest.

But I've learned that the key is--

- Accountability? - Total avoidance!

[Beta sighs]

[suspenseful theme playing]

Hailey, do you think I can pull off this crop top?

Hailey?

[school bell rings]

Hi, Hailey!

What are you doing?

Shh, Scott! It's called avoidance!

Oh! Hiya, Hailey!

Who's your favorite teacher?

[nervous chuckle]

Honestly, my favorite teacher is...

Mr. Williams.

What? You asked for that, Veronica.

But only because you are not just a teacher,

you are a friend... ly person.

Which is truthful.

That was very oddly phrased,

but Dr. Fisher told me to accept more compliments,

so, thank you, Hailey.

[sighs]

Ah, yes, meat with a side of yellow.

Oi, Hailey, I'm needing feedback

for my yearly performance review.

Of course you're doing that today.

How would you best describe my Potatoes O'Malley?

They honestly...

taste like glue.

Nah, glue tastes much better.

- From what I hear. - They are bad, aren't they?

Good on ya for your honesty.

Everyone else simply said, "fine" or "pass".

Pass was an option?

We Irish have always prided ourselves

on having the world's finest cuisine.

- Really? - For now, I'd like your opinion

on my cheesy cabbage tots.

These are... honestly delicious.

Ah, go on! [chuckles]

Now, how's about my liver loaf?

Pass!

Hailey, hide! Bored Murray's

inviting people to his one man show!

It's called "Murray It Up". It sounds like "Hurry it up",

which I thought was funny, but my show isn't funny.

It's an exploration of boredom. Wanna come?

Oh, heck no.

Hey, Murray!

Just standing here by my favorite trash can.

I throw all my trash in here. [chuckles]

Wasteful.

You're welcome!

- [heavy metal music playing] - [Beta grunting]

Looking positively swole, my bro!

Luckily, I can still lie.

I can hear you, bozo.

I can also feel your jealousy. [grunts]

Okay, I only have one more thing to do today,

and then my day of truth telling will be done.

Luckily, nothing exciting ever happens

in Environmental Club.

Exciting things happening today

in Environmental Club.

Does that mean my luck is finally turning around?

Ow!

No, but something you kids might call "lit" or "hype"

is happening to those weird endangered birds

you're trying to help.

The screaming mud hens?

[screaming]

Yeah, like I said, the weird birds.

We're finally getting funding to build their mud sanctuary.

That's great news! Even though everyone in Oceanside

hates them simply because they're ugly

and have ear-piercing screams.

Don't forget their violent mating rituals.

Anyway, there's gonna be a banquet tonight,

which is code for "rich person dinner",

where our club will receive the donation.

- [all cheering] - [woman] Whoo-hoo! All right!

Yeah, hooray.

We, and by we, I mean one of you,

just need to give a speech to the rich donor.

So, who is free after school, hmm?

Not me! I have to visit my grandma, she's sick.

- Again? - Again.

- My grandma is... also sick? - Really?

- Wow, mine too. - My grandma's also sick.

All your grandmas?

Hailey, is your grandma sick?

And do you have any other plans?

Hmph. No. I honestly do not.

Super. Then you need

to write a lengthy speech thanking the donor.

Remember to lay it on thick.

Really butter their buns. Rich people love that.

Thanks, Hailey! Our birds are counting on you.

[screaming]

[teacher] I'll meet you at the banquet

to collect the oversized check.

My ex-girlfriend works at a bank,

and bringing one of those puppies in will show her

what she's been missing out on.

Dang it. Anyway, do a little research

on your donor and get writing.

His name is Robert Vandertrache.

The chemical spill king of Southern California?

Come on, Hails, he can't be that bad.

Actually, chemical spills are

the least terrible things he's done.

His favorite hobby is paving over playgrounds.

He started a campaign to eliminate weekends.

He shaves baby polar bears to make his awful hair piece!

Wow, he really is that bad!

Well, why don't you just talk about

his donation to the club?

That's a good thing, right?

He's only donating to impress his sixth wife, Gigi.

- Lucky lady. - Ugh.

If I lie, I fail at my list item.

But if I tell the truth, Vandertrache

won't write a check for those wonderful birds.

[screaming]

And we're sure we wanna save 'em?

[watch beeping]

[Hailey nervously groaning]

Nothing to be nervous about.

Only the lives of an entire species of bird

rest on your speech.

[screaming]

Oh, and whatever you do,

don't bring up the whole incident

about the Vandertrache Fireworks Factory

and those poor turtles.

I didn't even know about that one!

Hey, guys, Gigi here!

We're helping some kids get the mud they deserve.

The issue of mudless children is, like, so tragic.

Also, something about birds?

Anyways, I look amazing in this lighting, right?

[camera shutter clicks]

Let's get on with this!

I heard some kid's gonna pump up my tires

before I give out this check.

Is that you, Glasses?

[sharp exhale]

Hello. We are here today to thank Robert Vandertrache.

What can I say about Mr. Vandertrache?

He is a businessman, who does business,

and the Oxford Dictionary defines business as,

"The pursuit of making, buying, and selling goods or services."

[audience murmuring]

Yawn.

Robert Vandertrache is also a human being.

More specifically, a Homo sapien.

Which, furthermore, makes him a mammal.

[nervously chuckles]

The dictionary defines a mammal as--

Boring! Reading the dictionary?

This isn't what I asked for

when I agreed to donate to this Mud Club!

It's Environmental Club.

You better start getting specific

- with your praise, girlie. - Ugh!

In business, you are a giant.

I... said... spe... ci... fics.

[tense music builds]

Giant waste of space!

- [audience gasps] - Clearly money doesn't buy everything.

Because if it did, you wouldn't have that ugly hair piece.

- [audience groans] - [Hailey gasps]

[laughing]

[chuckling]

[all laughing]

Good one, Glasses. Do another.

It's bad enough you have a massive carbon footprint,

but can you not do it in those ugly shoes?

[laughter]

Well, the guy at the store said I could pull these off!

Yes, please! Pull them off and put them in the garbage.

[laughter]

This random girl is seriously hilarious.

Do me next, random girl!

Gigi, you've clearly found the love of your life.

Your own selfie.

[laughter]

It's funny 'cause it's true!

Robert, I'm not saying

Gigi married you for your money.

I'm screaming,

Gigi married you for your money!

[laughter]

- I did! - It's my only redeeming quality!

[laughing]

Hailey, you're killing it!

Who knew rich people liked being insulted?

Hey, back to me, me, me, me!

At Christmas, Robert's the only person happy

with coal in his stocking.

'Cause he could use it to hurt the environment even more!

[laughter]

I do love ruining things.

Mr. Vandertrache, you are the worst.

Oh, it's pronounced "truche".

I wasn't saying your name, I was describing your legacy.

Trash!

[laughter]

[mic squawks]

[Hailey wretches]

[chuckles] Well, this was not what I expected.

But, that girlie impressed my Gigi.

Give her more money, Robbie!

But not too much, I wanna go to Fiji.

[gasps] Hashtag, Gigi in Fiji!

Those were some great jokes, little lady.

And you probably didn't realize this,

but sometimes jokes have tiny kernels of truth.

Mm.

I now realize, I might need

to change my ways!

So, I'm upping my donation to the Mud Club!

[drum roll]

- [cheering and applause] - [Scott] Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[teacher] Two giant checks?

Wow, thank you.

And the incredible mud hens thank you too.

[screaming]

- [watch beeps] - [relieved sigh]

I'll miss honest Hailey. Those were some sick burns.

Thanks, as hard as the day was,

I learned that honesty really is the best policy.

Hailey, I can't believe how successful that was!

Wait 'til my ex sees me walk into the bank

with two of those bad boys.

Anyway, can you do another speech next weekend?

I'm sorry, Mr. Williams, but my grandma

is super sick that day.

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ World's what you make it Get up and chase it ♪

♪ Leaving nothing to chance ♪

♪ I'm taking action Making it happen ♪

♪ No matter what Tomorrow might bring ♪

♪ I got the guts To do anything ♪

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ Promise I'm on it I'm on it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hailey's on it ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hailey's on it ♪