Original subtitles

[Beta] Chaos bots have been sent from the future

to stop the one person who can save the world!

Me?

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Teach a cat To play the piano ♪

♪ Roller-skate All the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my earwax To make a candle ♪

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Win first place For world's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

Kiss my friend Scott?

Huh? Aah!

- [boings] - [Scott] Trampoline!

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

[jaunty piano theme playing]

[Scott] As far back as I can remember,

I've wanted to be a sandwich.

To have a sandwich named after you,

and become a sandwich legend,

is a whole other level of excellence.

Chicken Sal.

Toasted chicken salad sandwich with lettuce and tomato.

BL-Tianna.

Prefers her bacon fatty,

but keeps her stories lean.

Lil' Meatball.

No Tomato Tammy, Reuben,

these people were somebodies in a town of nobodies.

You see, the owner of Deli Rubs, Giuseppe, has a rule.

You order 1,000 sandwiches

and you get a sandwich named after you.

[all gasp]

That day, when we saw Peanut Butter Pam

get immortalized on that menu...

[cheering and applause]

...I knew, some way,

some how, I had to get a sandwich named after me.

I still have her pickle.

- Ugh! - Wow, thrilled you've got

such a connection to this, Scott, but how did

"Have a sandwich named after me"

end up on Hailey's list?

Oh, I was there too, remember?

And I thought it sounded kinda... neat.

Sounds... neat.

Like I said... neat.

Okay, well how close are you to hitting 1,000 sandwiches?

Only 999 sandwiches to go.

[sighs]

Those sandwiches are so mediocre.

I mean, who'd eat that many?

I've eaten 997 already!

Life's got no meaning if I'm not a sandwich.

And I already have the perfect name picked out.

The Scott Denogie Pastrami Hoagie.

- Did you have that laminated? - Yep.

And not to pull a Scott here,

but your name is Scott Denoga, not--

Yeah, yeah, but this is for a rhyme, so it's okay.

It's very important to me that it rhymes.

Uh, okay?

[Beta] Kind of a mouthful.

Yeah, a mouthful of delicious sandwich!

Now let's go get you one sandwich closer

to 1,000, Hailey!

Sure. Sounds... neat.

That's the spirit! Kind of.

Hey! What are you guys eating over there?

A salad?

[all] Scotty!

Scotty?

What's shaking, Scotty?

My belly from all these sandwiches!

[laughter]

- Hailey, this is Peanut Butter Pam. - [Pam] Mm-hmm.

- BL-Tianna, Chicken Sal. - [Sal] Mm-hmm.

- No Tomato Tammy. - [Tammy] Uh-huh.

- Lil' Meatball and... Reuben. - [Reuben chuckles]

Oh, Reuben! I'm also just... Hailey.

No, no, you're saying it wrong.

You've gotta say it like the sandwich.

You mean, like, Reuben?

How's that shoulder holding up, Scotty?

Shoulder? What's wrong with your shoulder, Scott... y?

Oh, Scotty's been on the mend

for months from a fist-pumping injury.

[all chanting] Meatball! Meatball!

Meatball! Meatball!

Meatba-- ah!

[groaning]

He was having a really great time!

Right up until he wasn't.

Peanut Butter Pam says I'm the next generation

of sandwich legend!

Only three sandwiches left

'til I'm on the menu with you guys!

[all groaning]

Oh, and Hailey's gonna get up there too.

Yeah, Scotty, about that.

There's something we should tell you.

- Howdy! - [Scott shrieks]

Bill Board?

Oh, boy. Don't tell me.

You won this deli in a high stakes game of pool?

Oh, you're way off, Little Missy.

I won this here place in a high stakes game of Horse.

I got a mean hook shot.

Wait, you'll still honor

Giuseppe's 1,000 sandwich rule, right?

- Who? - Giuseppe?

This deli's founder?

Oh, is that how you pronounce it?

I been calling him Geeyoosep.

I will honor Geeyoosep's rule, though.

- [relieved sigh] - His rule

that I can do whatever I want as the new owner.

- Yee-haw! - [Scott shrieks]

I'm still gonna name my sandwiches

after people, though.

My step-daughter, Vision Board,

showed me videos on the interwebs that get millions of views.

So we're gonna hold a promotional contest

to make our own virus video.

Yes! I mean...

so sorry about the punch card, Scott.

- But also, what's the contest? - A test of endurance!

We'll put everyone up on our famous sub sign,

and the three folks that last the longest up there

will get a sandwich named after them.

That sounds... way better

than eating 1,000 questionable sandwiches!

- I'm in! - [Scott groans]

I'm so sorry, son.

I should've thrown those away for you.

Yee-haw!

All those sandwiches for nothing.

All that time wasted!

Nearly $10,000.

Don't worry, Scott, you're gonna be one of the top three.

We both are! We can become sandwich legends together.

Hey, Scott and Hailey for the win, okay?

Scott and Hailey for the win.

- All right, let's do this! - [shoulder cracks]

- [groans] - Hey, hey, remember

what your physical therapist said, Scotty.

There are other ways to celebrate.

Since when are you seeing a physical therapist?

[Bill] Now you can exit the contest at any time

by simply falling off the sign into the ginormous mustard pool.

Which also lowers the chances that I'll get sued, yee-haw!

I'm starting to think Bill Board gets sued a lot.

All right, interwebbers,

let the excitement begin. Yah!

- [man clears throat] - [woman shrieks]

Enough of the mind games!

[splash]

You may be on a hot streak, Hailey Banks,

but this competition is the start

to my epic comeback, of beating you in all things.

- [wind howls] - Hey, whoa, whoa, what the beans!

Don't worry, I have a digital backup.

But your back, the literal one, not the digital one,

is up against the wall!

The proverbial one, not an actual one.

What are you even talking about?

[laughs] I'm going to outlast both of you.

I installed a personal toilet in my pants.

- [chuckles] - [toilet flushes]

How does it even... whatever.

Scott and I are getting those sandwiches.

Yeah, and mine's gonna rhyme!

Okay, I feel like you're really fixating on the rhyme thing.

Well. this is less exciting

than a sloth washing a clean pot.

We've only got-- [gasps] 23 viewers?

Let's shake things up, y'all!

All contestants must now wear blindfolds

- for the next hour. - [men scream]

[splashing]

Anybody who jumps off the sign right now gets this briefcase

full of warm fish sandwiches.

- Why are they in a briefcase? - Ooh, me!

[splash]

So warm, and fishy!

Teachers are weird.

[Bill] Now y'all been up there a long time,

so if anybody needs to use

the Potty-tron 5,000 down below...

- Nah, I'm good. - [toilet flushes]

[groaning]

[panting]

[relieved sigh]

[shrieks, splashes]

- [contestants screaming] - [Bill] I wouldn't relish

being you right now, folks.

My condiments to the chef. Heh!

We like to have fun around here.

[shrieks]

Oh!

I think he's out of balloons. We made it!

Wow, even you, Lucy, you're normally kind of--

[Lucy sneezes]

- [splash] - ...unlucky.

All right, e-folks!

We're up to... 64 viewers!

So let's ignore my lawyers again

and get even crazier.

The final test of endurance,

if any of our contestants drop their hand,

it will trigger their plank and cause them

to drop right outta the competition.

What, you mean like this?

[shrieks, splashes]

Question answered, thank you.

Wait, we're the final three. We did it!

We're all getting sandwiches named after us!

All right! Technically a tie, but really a win,

because I've always said tie goes to the handsomest.

Which is me, obviously.

Whoo-hoo! Y'all are tougher

than a boiled boot,

and it looks like we've got a whopping 99 viewers now!

So I'm gonna pull a little switcheroo

and keep this contest going.

Hashtag, yee-haw!

Keep it going? What the beans!

That's right! From here on out,

there's only gonna be one winner!

Hear that, internetters? Only one person

is getting a sandwich named after them.

Drama, et cetera. Yee-haw!

That's unfair! And very inconvenient!

[shoulder creaking]

[all chanting] Scotty! Scotty!

You got this! You deserve that sandwich, buddy!

Bill Board, you got a problem on your hands.

And that problem's called Scott and Hailey for the win!

We started this competition together,

and by dog, no matter what,

- we're gonna-- - Psst, A.C.

Team up with me and we can knock Scott out.

- Wait, what? - Yeah, what?

Scott, I'm sorry, but you know I need this win for my list.

I'm sure there's another deli somewhere

where you can somehow get a sandwich named after you.

Dang, Hailey, that is cold!

[sniffs] I am so proud of you.

But... it's... Hailey, don't do this!

A.C., Scott's got a secret ticklish spot.

Make an alliance with me and I'll tell you where it is.

That'll trigger his plank, and we can battle it out

mano a mano.

Hailey! You... you traitor!

You're like Eggs Benedict Arnold.

We don't talk about him any more!

So, you're proposing an alliance, yes?

[sharp exhale] Yes.

Shake on it?

What, no, wait, what the beans!

- Ah! - [sobbing]

[Scott] Thanks for letting me win, Hailey.

Yeah, well, when the sandwich legends

started chanting your name,

it was pretty obvious how much it meant to you.

And I didn't wanna end up like Eggs Benedict Arnold.

I regret nothing!

Well, Beta, you'd better get to work finding another place

where I can get a sandwich named after me.

Hold on now.

Scott and Hailey for the win, right?

- [background cheering] - [watch bleeps]

Huh?

Order up, here's the first official

Scott and Hailey Pastrami and Bay Leaf sub.

What? Scott, what about your sandwich?

And your perfect name?

I think the only thing cooler than being a sandwich legend

is being a sandwich legend with my best friend.

And most importantly, the name still rhymes!

The Scott and Hailey Pastrami and Bay Leaf sub.

I mean... not really.

Yeah, it does! Hailey, bay leaf,

it's a slant rhyme, kinda.

It's kind of a slant rhyme-- Oh, my duck, it doesn't rhyme!

Hey, hey, it's okay.

What matters is that we're sandwich legends thanks to you.

And, we've got a delicious sandwich to prove it.

- [Scott] What have I done? - There are so many bay leaves!

It doesn't rhyme at all!