Original subtitles

[narrator] Chaos Bots have been sent from the future

to stop the one person who can save the world.

Me?

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Teach a cat To play the piano ♪

♪ Roller-skate All the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my earwax To make a candle ♪

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Win first place For world's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

- Kiss my friend Scott? - Huh?

- [Scott screams] - [garbage can clatters]

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

Whoa! Stop whatever you're doing.

Whoo-hoo!

Okay, good.

According to my calculations,

your next most optimal list item is...

a break.

A break? Like, break a record?

Break a bad habit? Break-dance? Break bread?

[gasps] Break bad?

No. A break.

My algorithm dictates once you are 15 list items ahead,

you are required to chill and go play in the street or whatever.

A break? Yes!

Oh! The whole world is our oyster.

[thunder crashes]

As in, super wet and cold.

[grunts]

Hmm, I just felt something new join our network.

Something strange.

- [knock on door] - [Patricia] Hey, hey, cool mom alert.

- [Hailey gasps] - [Beta squeaks]

It's time for the Banks family deep-cleaning weekend.

Brought to you by the rain.

[thunder crashes]

I thought you said cool mom alert.

Would a non-cool mom be able to borrow this from work?

[thunder crashes]

Good day. I am Alphred, an advanced cleaning robot.

We use Alphred when we're staging houses,

but I thought he could help with our big cleaning weekend.

- Best robot you'll ever see. - [Beta scoffs]

Well, then, shall we get started?

Um, sure, my room's kind of messy, so--

♪ When all's put back In its proper place ♪

Oh, we're doing a song.

♪ And it's tidy ♪

♪ In your favorite space ♪

♪ You'll see how happy You can be ♪

♪ Not living so disgustingly ♪

Oh, snap. Go in on 'em, Alphred.

♪ There's nothing better You will find ♪

♪ Than a clean home ♪

♪ Clear mind ♪

♪ Clean home, clear mind ♪

- Yeah! - Wow! He made cleaning look fun.

Ooh, do homework next.

No, wait, do that thing where Mrs. Banks

complains about Shannon from work.

- I don't do that. - [cell phone chimes]

Oh, shoot, I got to get to the office.

I gotta cover for Shannon again.

Did I mention she ate my sandwich yesterday?

[gasps] Uh... never mind.

I'll be back later.

[scoffs]

I'm Alphred, the world's most advanced lint licker.

Oh, heavens, I thought I sensed a fellow AI program.

I'm no fellow of yours.

I don't trust you as far as I can throw you,

which is pretty far because I am yoked!

Beta, be nice. Alphred is helpful.

Didn't you hear the song? It was catchy.

Yeah, so are viruses.

Maybe he should sing it again.

- Alphred, will you-- - I heard the song!

I also saw "Spoonful of Suck-up" here

all over a certain world-saving notebook.

He was cleaning, Beta.

That's what he's programmed to do.

Anyway, since our break is ruined,

we may as well be productive.

Alphred can do all the hard cleaning

and we'll do item number 44: clean the attic.

Oh, yeah! We had grand plans

of making that our trampoline room, right?

Why'd we ever abandon that?

Because it has super low ceilings and rusty nails

- sticking out everywhere. - [scoffs]

Why'd we even get tetanus shots

if we aren't gonna use 'em?

Alphred, would you please start in the bathrooms?

I can imagine nothing better.

"I can imagine nothing better." Hmph.

[both grunting]

Wow, there's a lot of stuff up there.

It'd be a shame to give all this stuff away just yet.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

- Fantasy flea market! - Indoor Olympics!

Oh, wow, yours is way cooler.

Alphred? You in here?

Heh. You've clearly been very hard at work.

[scoffs]

Cleaning robot my--

[screams]

How'd you even get up here, you unicycling creeper?

You're quite funny, Beta.

Say, since we'll be working together,

wouldn't it be great if we synced up to share data?

No! That would be weird.

As in, weird how great it would be?

Nobody uses "weird" that way.

[grunts]

Remember, I'm yoked!

Banks is a grizzled veteran, having a breakout rookie year.

She turns it on, streaking up the side.

Passes it to Denoga, French-Canadian out of Mongolia

- who winds up for a slap shot! - Guys, you gotta...

Ugh, my bad.

- Great shot, though. - Thanks.

Listen, I think Alphred's a Chaos Bot spy.

First, the notebook, now he wants to sync with me.

And he hasn't cleaned the bathroom yet at all.

Come and look, you'll see.

[scoffs]

[gasps]

♪ Clean home, clear mind ♪

Oh, hello, I didn't see you there.

But how-- And when did you-- What?

Ha-ha, Beta, you're quite funny.

Well, off to the next one.

There's no happiness like a clean toilet.

♪ Clean home, clear mind ♪

Beta, are you jealous of Alphred or something?

What? No.

I swear, that guy is hiding something.

Beta? Are you present?

[camera shutters click]

[camera shutters click]

- Ah-ha! - [gasps]

You really think I'd have an actual box of secrets

like some chump?

This proves you're a Chaos Bot spy, you...

you Chaos Bot spy!

I assure you, I haven't the slightest idea

what a Chaos Bot is.

Oh, okay, never mind then.

Psych! That is exactly what a Chaos Bot spy would say.

[grunting]

There.

Laundry lugers, take your mark.

Guys, guys, you'll never believe--

Ah! [grunts and squeaks]

[groaning]

I've got proof Alphred's a spy.

I caught him snooping through a trap I laid.

- He's tied up in my-- - [Alphred] Ha-ha, Beta.

- Ah! - You're quite funny. Careful.

Also, here's your sash from when you accidentally tied me up.

Would be a shame to lose it.

[growls and yells]

Oh, he is losing it, all right.

Beta, Alphred's just here to help clean.

Stop all this craziness.

Craziness? Ha! Craziness!

Does this look like craziness to you?

- Yes! - This is like a commercial for crazy.

Fine, believe your new robot, not your friend Beta.

No, ex-friend,

because I don't need you guys anyway.

- [door slams] - I think we should

give him some space.

[both whooping and cheering]

- [both laughing] - What are you two doing?

Because it looks awesome!

Can I go next?

[cackling]

Let's see you get past all this, Alphred.

[laughs]

[gasps]

Huh. Didn't see that coming.

[Alphred] ♪ Clean home, clear mind ♪

Alphred? I know you're in here.

[Alphred] ♪ Clean home, clear mind ♪

Seriously, Alphred, this isn't funny. Show yourself.

[thunder crashing]

[gasps and screams]

How dare you invade my digital consciousness.

You left me no choice, Beta.

There's information I need.

And I need to protect that data from a Chaos Bot spy,

by any means necessary.

[grunts and yells]

[yelling]

[gasps]

Why are you doing this?

Beta...

I am your father.

[gasps] No!

Wait, what?

That download was merely a system report

to confirm my suspicions.

My operating system is the basis for yours.

But you're British.

Yes, it appears many other versions

were released between us, so technically I'm more like

a great-great-great- great-grandfather.

It is a little odd since I'm only six months old,

but, hey, we're family.

I'm sorry, Beta.

I had to be sure before I said anything.

I was snooping around because I--

Well, I just wanted to get to know you... son.

Please, say something.

Can I have a hug... Dad?

Mm. Mm.

I'm sorry I tried to kill you with that sweet laser staff.

I wasted so much time being suspicious of you.

Well, it's not too late.

Maybe a good old-fashioned game of catch?

I'd like that.

[computers beeping]

[Kai] Whoo! Power's back on.

♪ Indoor Olympics Indoor Olympics... ♪

What the heck are you guys doing?

Indoor... Olympics?

It was their idea.

It's like a bomb went off in here.

You guys better find a place for all this junk,

and you'd better do it quick.

- [both grunting] - And done.

- [objects clattering] - Ha-ha!

Wait, we didn't accomplish the list item.

The attic's still a mess.

Eh, we're still 15 ahead.

I'll miss you, sport, but my work here is done.

There are other houses to clean.

Clean home, clear mind.

Chip off the old block.

I'll video call often though, son.

Promise.

You two made up quick.

Did he call you "son"?

Yeah, uh, you guys missed a lot.

- [Hailey] Ready, Alphred? - [gasps]

Shannon is hounding me

about returning you, and I'm like,

"He can't clean up your love life--"

And I'm doing it again.

Nearly there, Patricia.

I just need to put Hailey's toy away.

My absolute favorite of her toys.

Alphred must be broken.

Huh, sounds like a Shannon problem now.

[squeaks]

Wow, Beta,

looks like you and Alphred became good friends.

Alphred's not my friend.

[engine starts]

He's my family.

Yeah, I am so confused. Can we get that explanation now?