Original subtitles

BETA: Chaos bots have been sent from the future

to stop the one person who can save the world.

Me?

CHORUS: (SINGING) Hey, hey, hey! HAILEY: Hailey's on it!

Teach a cat to play the piano Roller-skate all the way to Orlando

Use my ear wax?

To make a candle

CHORUS: Hey, hey, hey! HAILEY: Hailey's on it!

Win first place for World's cutest pet rock

Do a corn maze Hope I don't get lost

Eat an onion

Kiss my friend Scott?

(SCOTT GRUNTS)

- (BEES BUZZING) - SCOTT: Bees!

CHORUS: Hey, hey, hey! HAILEY: Hailey's on it!

Your Honor, I am here to ensure my client receives the payment he is owed

for creating a viral sensation known as Fartblink.

He didn't create Fartblink. I did!

That's a lie and you know it!

If you were the inventor of Fartblink, you would have invented Fartblink.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Order in the court.

A.C., where is your lawyer?

(CLEARS THROAT) I've retained the services of the smartest,

most handsome legal mind in the whole school.

(AWKWARD SILENCE)

Me. I'm representing myself, obviously.

(CLEARS THROAT) Mr. Denoga, please start from the beginning.

How did you come up with your invention, Fartblink?

It all started when the Swag Bros made a sick announcement.

Hey, all you sick freaks!

It's your boys coming at you with a sick announcement.

As the official swag ambassadors for Photo Dump,

they asked us to create a new video filter that can go viral.

But that's so much work. Gross!

That's why we're holding a contest so you can invent the filter instead.

Oh, swagoo.

But for real, though, peep this.

The creator of the winning filter gets to enter our cash tornado.

So get hustling and do our homework for us.

Nothing can stop you if you have the right grind-set.

That was literally beautiful.

Literally? Thank you.

Contest rules and conditions apply. One entrant per team.

Upon entry, creators consent for their intellectual property,

likeness and overall dopeness to be used

and exploited by Swag Bros. LLC in perpetuity.

Whoa! A cash tornado!

I could grab so much cash in a tornado!

While this buffoon is distracted by another shiny object,

you have to get back to list item number 76,

"Win a Mock Trial."

That pile of research isn't gonna research itself.

I don't exactly feel passionate about the case I'm arguing.

Is a hot dog a sandwich?

Of course a hot dog is a sandwich.

Anyone who disagrees is on the wrong side of history.

(HAILEY GRUNTING)

Wish me luck.

And remember, if you ever need a lawyer, you know who to call.

- Who? - Three, two, one.

Oh, she meant her.

All right. I gotta get to work.

Viral idea. Viral idea.

(GASPS) I got it!

Don't bother, Scott. I've been working on an app for years,

and this is the perfect chance to show it off.

Take a video of yourself with my filter.

Hey-o!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

You've been bugged. Get it?

No.

You're using a prank filter called Fly on the Wall.

It ruins any video by adding a fly in the background.

(LAUGHS) You see? That fly isn't really there.

Oh, man! Joke is on you!

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

Hey, I look pretty good.

Can you send me that?

Ugh! My genius is wasted on you.

Okay. What boneheaded idea do you have anyway?

Okay.

Ask yourself, what's funnier than a fart?

The answer, nothing.

So imagine a world where your phone makes a fart sound every time you blink.

Like a virtual whoopee cushion.

I call it "The Fartblink."

(SCOFFS) That's a massive fail if I've ever heard one.

- Nuh-uh. - Yeah-huh. I'll prove it.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

(LAPTOP CHIMES)

Here's a beta version. Just whipped it up real quick.

Blink-powered farts. Pretty lame, huh? Right, everyone?

(FART SOUNDS)

(LAUGHING)

- (FART NOISES CONTINUE) - (ALL LAUGHING)

This is so funny.

We want our blinks to make farts. Who came up with this?

Uh, we did. It's ours. Both of ours.

Scott, after careful consideration,

I've decided to lend my expertise to your little project.

With your idea and my super genius coding abilities,

we'll be unstoppable.

Wow, A.C. I'm honored you wanna help bring The Fartblink to life.

Sure, whatever.

But hey, drop the "The." Just "Fartblink."

SCOTT: That was the heyday.

My vision had come to life.

And every time that vision blinked,

I'd hear the hilarious sound of farts.

And what about the contest?

Fartblink was named a finalist.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) That sounds pretty impressive.

It was. We got to attend an award ceremony

while the rest of the world watched a livestream.

They had a top-notch seafood tower.

Can you elaborate?

It's like three levels of seafood with lobster on the bottom,

then shrimp, then...

Elaborate on what happened at the ceremony.

SCOTT: I wore my best outfit.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

You're so beautiful.

I felt good about our odds.

Our product had fundamentally changed the local tech industry.

(FART SOUNDS ON PHONE)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(PEOPLE CHEERING AND CLAPPING)

Good evening! (LAUGHS)

Me, JT and this classy monkey we hired

welcome you to the Photo Dump Sickest Filter award.

Please remember to take home your swigity swag Swag bag.

JT: It's a bunch of stuff with our faces on it.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for.

The winner of sickest viral filter

that we didn't have to put in any work for is...

(MONKEY SCREAMING)

We don't understand you, monkey!

BOTH: Fartblink!

SWAGMEISTER: Accepting the award on Fartblink's behalf

is its sole founder and CEO, A.C. Aychvak.

Huh?

(PEOPLE CHEERING AND CLAPPING)

When I first came up with the idea for Fartblink,

people said it would never take off.

(STAMMERS) But I couldn't listen because my passion was too strong.

To all the budding inventors out there,

stay humble and work hard.

A little honesty and self-awareness go a long way.

Liar! I thought we were friends!

Time to claim your prize, little dude.

All the cash you can grab!

You have 30 seconds. Starting now!

What are you doing?

Don't just stand there! You're wasting it!

Why? Why?

Turns out, he didn't need the money or my friendship.

He'd already gone behind my back

and struck a big money deal with the Swag Bros.

What an eccentric dude.

Which reminds me, bonus announcement!

Since Fartblink is clearly the next big thing in tech,

we made a business deal with this little freak.

No wonder he's not grabbing any of the cash.

He already hit it big!

Do you think you can go behind my back like that?

I want what I'm owed. You better lawyer up.

I'm coming back for everything!

And I'm taking two of these.

- (INFLATABLE GAVEL SQUEAKS) - (YAWNS)

And now I will hear your closing arguments,

since the Craft Club needs the room.

I'm counting on you, Hails. I hope you did your homework.

I've watched hundreds of hours of courtroom TV shows to prepare for this.

Oh, good. I'm not worried at all.

May I present Exhibit A.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(FART SOUNDS ON PHONE)

(LAUGHTER)

Humans, what a bunch of weirdos.

Your Honor, I know we've thrown a lot at you today,

but it all boils down to this.

He who smelt it, dealt it.

And A.C. smelled a genius idea,

and dealt my client an unfair hand.

A.C. knew he was taking advantage of someone gullible.

Someone naive, someone defenseless, without a lick of business savvy.

Darn right!

A.C. never cared about farts or blinks.

It was never his idea.

He simply wanted to win,

even if it meant losing a potential friend.

I rest my case.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC ENDS)

A.C., your closing argument.

(CLEARS THROAT) Finders keepers, losers weepers.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Hmm.

Any last remarks before my final verdict?

A hot dog is a sandwich!

Good point.

The court rules in favor of...

Scott and Hailey.

(BOTH WHOOPING JOYFULLY)

A.C., as punishment, you must give Scott the payment he's owed.

- Case dismissed. - (GAVEL SQUEAKS)

(LAUGHS) You did it!

No. We did it.

I have no problem sharing the credit.

Whatever. Here's your payment.

Justice is served.

What? A measly can of Dingles?

A.C.: Count it if you want,

but it's all there, just like the contract says.

Contract? You signed a contract?

Why didn't you tell me that?

(READING) "Scott Denoga stake in company equal to the value

"of one tube of Dingles potato chips, sweet onion flavored."

This is why you need to read everything you sign.

I did. Paid in Dingles?

That's better than money.

All right, fart clowns. I gotta jet.

I have a very important meeting with my new business partners.

Innovation waits for no man. (LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

(LAUGHTER)

- (DINGLE CRUNCHING) - (SCOTT GROANS)

The golden dingle.

What's a golden dingle?

It means I won an exclusive tour of the Dingles factory!

Whoo-hoo! Best day ever!

Um, team, I think we need to try to capitalize on the moment.

I say we brainstorm new features for Fartblink 2.0.

Woof! That sounds hard.

Ugh. I'm exhausted from just hearing the assignment.

I need to get my creative juices flowing.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Make a list on the whiteboard?

It's been so long since we used the milk pool.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

Whoo-hoo! Best day ever!

(PHONE DINGING)

Ugh! How does he always stumble into success?

I'll get my revenge if it's the last thing I do!

Come hang, little dude.

Cannonball!

(A.C. SPITS, GROANS)

(LAUGHS) I guess now it's a cheese pool.

What the... (MUMBLES)