Original subtitles

[heart monitors beeping]

- Quick, he's flatlining. - Just hold it still.

And stop getting Dingle dust everywhere.

Can't we just knock this bot out?

No! It will disintegrate, you buffoon.

Hailey, look for a tiny black box.

That's the communications module.

I'm on it.

Wait, no! Don't touch that!

[both coughing]

Got it!

I couldn't hold that thing much longer.

[scoffs] Do you even lift, bro?

[crackling]

- [both gasp] - It's trying to talk to us!

What are you saying, little guy?

You don't speak Bot.

Leave this to a professional to translate.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, it says "Mega Chaos Bot,"

then something "disguised,"

then something something, "infiltrate Hailey's school."

Then... something.

- What are all the "somethings"? - I don't know.

I just did the free online trial of the Bot language course,

so I only speak conversational Bot.

They wanted ten bucks a month to keep going. In this economy?

Then how are we supposed to figure out what all this means?

- A bot in our school? - It probably has to do

with this week's list item:

"Win the Oceanside High Crab Queen crown."

Hold up, pop it in reverse, back it up.

Now look behind you and check your mirrors.

Thanks. Hailey, you wrote that you wanted

to be Crab Queen on your list?

It was during my princess phase.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Can you imagine me as a princess?

- [laughs] - Hey!

You wanted to be a werewolf.

At least mine's real.

Wait, werewolves aren't real?

No, Scott, they are.

They're just really good at hiding.

Someone please disintegrate me.

But if I do become Crab Queen,

I'll have to wear a stinky crown made of crab

and toss hot crabs to everyone in school.

Everyone will boo me.

Why would they boo you?

I don't know, everyone boos me in my head.

Now I have to look for a disguised Chaos Bot, too?

Don't worry, Hales, I'll help you find that bot.

I have very keen observation skills.

I'm onto you, bot.

Move. I need to use that.

Be careful it's a...

[whirring]

...pencil sharpener.

Good. And this is a desk.

Now scram, Daddy's got a fresh box of number 2s

and he's gonna be a while.

Sharpener's off the suspect list.

What about Miss Jackson's desk lamp?

It's eyeballing me, right?

Quiet, everyone.

[indistinct chatter continuous]

Silence!

Ahem, today is the day we have all been waiting for.

- Groundhog Day? - Pizza day?

- Pop quiz? - Groundhog Day?

Stop guessing!

Today is the day anyone may sign up for...

the Crab Queen Pageant!

[all groan]

[squawking]

Stay out of this, seagulls!

You'll never get this crown!

Now, where was I, class?

Oh, yes, I was once the beloved Crab Queen.

[all] We know.

It was, and remains...

[all] The greatest moment...

- Of my life. - ...of your life.

So, who wants to throw their claw into the butter?

Who wants to enter the pageant?

I mean, if no one volunteers,

I guess I'll just have to wear the crown for another--

Hailey! Be cool, Veronica.

You knew this day would come.

Do not cry in front of the children.

Well, I guess if no one else ends up running,

- Hailey will be the new-- - [pounding on door]

Children, save yourselves!

My name is Joanne Droid.

I am new student from Canada.

I am here for the Crab Queen crown.

My data tells me to come to these coordinates

and enter the pageant.

Ahem. Okay.

Wonderful, an actual competition this year,

which I'll get to host.

Joanne, you'll be running against Hailey Banks.

[gasps]

Prepare to be destroyed, Hailey Banks.

I think I'm in love.

So I have a crazy theory, but go with me on this.

Joanne might be the Chaos Bot.

Yeah, Scott, pretty sure her weird behaviors

aren't Canadian eccentricities.

I mean, her name is Joanne Droid.

A little on the nose, don't you think?

I didn't see anything on her nose.

[gasps]

Is this seat taken, milady?

I see you like to work out.

Me too, but I guess that's obvious.

Hey, Joanne.

I just wanted to wish you luck before the pageant.

I am not here to make friends.

I am here to destroy you, Hailey Banks.

Water danger. Water danger.

[droning]

[objects crashing]

Wow, that's... normal.

What a woman.

[droning]

Okay, partner, if we see anything suspicious,

I'll inform Hailey.

I am not your partner.

I am doing important work over here.

Were you able to translate any more of the Chaos Bot's message?

I'll have you know this is a highly technical

code-cracking process with specialized dialects and--

- So, nothing? - No, nothing.

[feedback squeals]

Our school mascot Clawdia and I are thrilled to welcome you

to the annual Crab Queen Pageant.

What a great turnout.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with missing fourth period.

[Paul] It has everything to do with missing fourth period!

We hate fourth period!

Ha-ha, okay.

For the first time since I won the title,

we have two contestants vying for Crab Queen.

So, the first time this century?

[all laugh]

They are just children, Veronica.

They do not determine your worth.

Time to begin the competition.

First up: crab cracking.

Who can remove the largest piece of crab meat from the shell?

Isn't she full of surprises?

[Miss Jackson] How many crabs can you name?

Well, there's Claw-dia, and, um...

Mrs. Crab?

According to my search,

there are more than 6,000 species of crab, and they are:

bairdi crab, blue crab, coconut crab,

Dungeness Crab, hermit crab...

- horseshoe crab... - [snoring]

...zebra crab and zosimus crab.

[snorts] Okay!

Now it's time for the crab walk.

Let's see your scuttling skills, ladies.

[gasps]

I am triple-jointed.

Now my favorite part.

If you were a crab, which kind would you be?

For me, it was always the beautiful yet fragile

blue porcelain crab.

Um, I guess a hermit crab?

[boy coughs]

I am the mighty coconut crab.

I eat hermit crabs as a snack.

I crush everything in my path.

Vote for me or feel the pain of my claws.

[all cheer]

[groans]

Now we've come to the final portion

of the competition: talent.

- [all cheer] - [gasps]

Soon I will have your crab crown.

[all, chanting] Joanne! Joanne!

Got to admit, it's gonna be hard not to vote for Joanne.

[groans]

But I mean, your Hula-Hoop routine's super cool, too.

Well, I know we still have one more performance,

but if you've already made up your mind like I have,

go ahead and text in your vote.

Time glitch! This is bad.

Oh, I must be running out of time.

We need to stop that bot,

even if it means exposing my secret.

[screams]

- Huh? - Girls!

Joanne is not what you think she is.

And I'll prove it.

[grunting]

What are you doing, Hailey Banks?

Man, your disguise is really on there!

- [signal chirping] - I got it. I got it.

Hailey, I finally paid

for the overpriced monthly subscription.

Not a good time, Beta.

Joanne is not the bot.

She's just an eccentric Canadian.

What?

But if she's not the bot, who is?

- [Chaos Bot] Chaos! - [gasps]

Chaos!

Oh, no.

[screaming]

- [all scream] - Where can I get one of those?

Scott, we need to draw its attention.

Do something.

[Scott] Yoo-hoo, Mr. Chaos Crab!

Come get me!

Dang, you're good.

Thanks. It's all in the hips.

It worked. Oh no, it worked!

Chaos!

Throw me the hoop!

Ha!

[Chaos Bot] Chaos!

[gasps]

Chaos!

[screams]

Over here, you big bag of bolts!

[electricity crackles]

[all gasp]

Chaos.

[screams]

Huh?

[yells]

Chaos...

[all cheer]

Joanne, you helped me.

I thought you wanted to destroy me.

Hailey saved Joanne. Joanne saved Hailey.

It is the Canadian way.

Helping Hailey? Gross!

I can't believe we used to have a thing.

Hailey, when you said "Hula-Hoop routine,"

I was not expecting that.

And those special effects?

- Amazing! - Um, yeah.

That's totally what just happened.

[all, chanting] Hailey! Hailey! Hailey!

Attention! The votes are in.

The new Crab Queen is Hailey Banks!

[crowd cheers]

[laughs]

Hey, Joanne, how about we both be Crab Queen?

Ah!

♪ She's charming, she's fab ♪

♪ She's the essence of crab ♪

♪ Her aura A stench of sardine ♪

♪ To standing ovations ♪

♪ She tosses crustaceans ♪

♪ She's our Crab Queen ♪

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ World's what you make it Get up and chase it ♪

♪ Turning that into chance ♪

♪ I'm taking action Making it happen ♪

♪ No matter what Tomorrow might bring ♪

♪ I got the guts To do anything ♪

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ Promise I'm on it I'm on it ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey Hailey's on it ♪

♪ Hey, hey, Hailey's on it ♪