Original subtitles

[narrator] Chaos Bots have been sent from the future

to stop the one person who can save the world.

Me?

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey, Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Teach a cat To play the piano ♪

♪ Roller-skate All the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my earwax To make a candle ♪

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hailey's on it ♪

[Hailey] ♪ Win first place ♪

♪ For world's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

- Kiss my friend Scott? - Huh?

- [Scott screams] - [garbage can clatters]

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hailey's on it ♪

- [squawks] - Ew!

Frank, I told you this isn't your personal hot tub.

[squawks]

Okay, Beta, try the pump again.

Never get to do what I want.

I got a list too. A list of complaints.

- Did it work? - [squawking]

All right, now that you've wasted half my day doing your chores,

let's get back to the list.

According to my calculations,

your next most optimal list item is number 232:

"Learn to walk in high heels."

Why would that be next?

[off-key trumpet blasts]

Presenting Princess Kristine.

[Kristine] The carpet!

Huh? Oh, right.

Presenting Princess Kristine!

And a carpet!

For you, fair maiden.

Ah!

Hailey, will you be my dama?

Yes. Of course. Quick question, what's a dama?

It means you'll be on the Court of Honor for my quinceañera.

That's a big party we have in my culture when you turn 15,

to celebrate going from a girl to a hashtag, "woman."

[off-key trumpet blasts]

[squawks]

And the theme I chose is epic. "Medieval Majesty."

[squeals]

Wow, that sounds... majestic.

It is! And Scott's gonna be my Chambelan de Honor.

That translates to "main dude."

Not quite.

And we all get to do a big waltz at the reception.

In front of people? I don't know, Kristine.

Oh, please, please, please, please, please!

I was gonna partner you with my cousin Mario.

[Hailey] I...

would love to dance with Mario.

If it helps, I am also available to pick him up at the airport.

[squeals] You are gonna look so incredible, especially in these.

Ice picks? Oh, good.

If I can't walk in them, at least I can scale a glacier.

Silly, all you need to walk in high heels is practice.

You'll be a pro in no time.

You got it! You're doing it! Work it, girl!

Ah! Confidence is key.

Now you try.

Work it, gir-- Whoa!

[groans]

At least you stood all the way up that time.

Now come on, it's time to shop for our dresses.

You mean that's not your dress?

This is my party planning dress.

By the way, my older cousins are taking a weekend off

from their runway modeling careers to come too.

They're identical triplets, but they're easy to tell apart.

Selena is the radiant one, Thalía is the beautiful one,

and Paulina is the gorgeous one.

Great. Sounds like this'll do wonders for my self-esteem.

Right? It's gonna be so much fun.

Whoa!

[Hailey groans]

I, Dr. Ricardo Sanchez, D.D.S.,

welcome you to the quinceañera of my daughter, Kristine.

Por favor, disfruten la fiesta,

have fun, and remember to take a bottle

of my home-brewed hot sauce as a party favor before you go.

Very generous of you, Mr. Sanchez.

It is. And please, call me Doctor.

Also, please feel free to explore my world-class pepper garden.

It features the rarest

and hottest pepper in the world,

the black scorpion.

[sighs]

This is the best quinceañera I've ever been to.

I mean, it's the only one I've been to, but still, the best.

Yeah, and I'm so ready to waltz.

If I can balance on one heel,

I can definitely balance on two, right?

Whoa! [groans]

You got it. Work it, girl.

What's wrong, Kristine?

I haven't heard you... [squeals] once tonight.

[sighs] This isn't the party I planned.

I'm grateful for it, of course.

But I wanted a drawbridge and a turkey leg truck,

not ice sculptures and caviar.

Every party we throw looks like this.

- So, what happened? - Guess my dad changed it

at the last minute.

He does that sometimes.

Great party, Mr. Sanchez.

- It's Doctor. - Oh. Sorry.

Great party, Mr. Doctor.

[chuckles] Come on, Scott.

Mrs. Sanchez just put out a charcuterie board.

Ooh, I love charcooch.

Mija, you look sad. Are you not enjoying your party?

It's just not how I pictured it.

I know. It's better.

Everything has to be perfect for my hijita.

The perfect flowers, the perfect food, the perfect decorations--

Ricardo, the Castillos are here.

¡Excelente!

Your father is excited because the Castillos

have the biggest prosthodontics practice in town.

And their son Javier is single.

He's perfect.

Which is why I've arranged for him to be your Chambelan de Honor.

- What? - Ay, Ricardo.

Don't worry.

I got him private dance lessons so he knows the waltz.

Why would you do that? What about Scott?

[grunting]

¡Madre mía!

No, no, I can get out. I have done this before.

Javier will do just fine.

- [all giggling] - [grunting]

This is going to be the best quinceañera ever.

[squeals]

So, that's why I have to dance with Javier.

I'm so sorry, Scott. This is not what I wanted.

Bummer. Anything I can do?

Kristine, mija, come over here.

You must hear this story

about Javier's latest spelunking adventure.

- [sighs] I have to go. - [gasps]

Hey, want to play cream puff basketball?

I'll be the net.

Sorry, Hales, but it feels wrong

to shoot hoops when Kristine feels so bad.

I wish I could fix things for her.

Or at least get her dad to like me.

I'd give him a spelunking,

but I don't even know what that is.

Maybe you can find a way to relate to Dr. Sanchez.

Ah! You know, find a shared interest.

[gasps] That's a great idea, Hailey!

Scott, wait. I think I'm... stuck.

[grunts and yelps]

And that is when my love for brewing hot sauce began.

I love hot sauce, Dr. Sanchez.

Ilove hot sauce too. It's my jam.

Actually, jam is my jam. But hot sauce is great too.

[sighs] Javier, this is Scott.

Kristine's... friend.

If you like hot sauce,

maybe you should try a Dr. Sanchez brew.

Scott, you don't have to--

Hmm, kind of spicy.

Reminds me of my mom's kimchi.

The mild kind.

Muy bien, Scott.

Thanks, Mr. Doctor.

[scoffs] Well, even my baby sister could handle that sauce.

Maybe we find something hotter.

What else you got?

My private collection.

Made from my hottest peppers.

How about I try all of them.

[people gasp]

Then I wil, too. First to cave, loses.

And when I win, you leave.

And when I win, Kristine dances with whoever she wants.

Hopefully me.

But you can stay... to watch.

[strumming]

Looks like we have a sauce-off.

- [squeals] - Dad, this is really unnecessary.

- Here are the sauce-off rules. - What else you got in there?

Each contestant will drink a sample of sauce,

from mildest to wildest.

The first to succumb to the heat and drink their milk

will bring shame upon their family.

This isn't exactly what I meant by "find a common interest."

Don't worry, Hales. Scott's on it.

[gasps]

[laughs]

Ah!

[groan]

[whimpers]

You have both impressed so far.

But now, the hottest sauce in my collection.

Tooth Fairy's Revenge.

[spectators gasp]

[sizzles]

Ugh!

[gulps and gasps]

[sizzles]

[groaning]

[chuffing]

[squeals and gasps]

Yes! I win!

This is the face of a champion!

Javier will dance the waltz with Kristi--

- Enough! - [guests gasp]

Papi, I am old enough to make my own choices.

Even if that means winning this dumb contest myself.

Kristine, no. Not the black scorpion.

It's too hot.

- [gulps] - [all gasp]

I am an independent woman who can decide who she dances with.

Oh, wow, this is hot.

Thank you.

As I was saying, being a woman means--

Oh! It is really a delayed heat, huh?

Oh! It's on the move!

- [stomach gurgles] - I'm feeling it lower now.

[laughs nervously] Oh!

Everything's burning.

Ooh...

whee!

Anyway, I'm going to dance with the Chambelan de Honor I chose.

[guests murmuring]

[mariachi music playing]

I can't believe you just ate

the hottest pepper in the world for me.

Not for you. For me.

Right. I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself.

- May I cut in? - Um, okay.

I meant with my daughter.

Oh, that makes more sense.

Kristine, I must apologize for my behavior today.

I had no right to take over your quinceañera.

I'm so used to you being my niñita,

but I shouldn't have treated you like a child.

You did, but I know it's only because you want what's best for me.

When I came to this country,

I never dreamed I'd have a life like this,

much less a little girl as wonderful as you.

- You've worked hard. - Yes.

But you only get one quince,

and you deserve to have what you want, not what I want.

You'll always be my princesa,

but today, Kristine, you are a queen.

[Kristine squeals]

[speaking Spanish]

[band playing upbeat music]

[all groan]

Hey, look! I'm doing it!

[wristband chimes] And I'm never doing it again!

[band singing in Spanish]