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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:04,672 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Ask free legal questions on ClearwayLaw.com 3 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,615 {\an8}[Curtis Mayfield singing "Move On Up"] 4 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,087 ♪ Hush now child... ♪ 5 00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:48,798 [Kevin] I mean, I'm 30,000 feet in the air, right? 6 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,175 They're saying, Kevin, come on, please. 7 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:51,593 Kev, you got to put on the parachute. 8 00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:52,969 Everybody's going, please, please, Kev. 9 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,679 At this point, they're begging me. 10 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,264 Tell me that the story ends 11 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:57,640 with you wearing the parachute. 12 00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:01,186 Absolutely fucking not, no! No! 13 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,937 No, I wanted to be authentic. Right? 14 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,481 - It's got to be real. - Yeah. 15 00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:06,733 You know what Tom Cruise calls parachutes? Diapers. 16 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,485 Is that because they fill up when you're falling? 17 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:11,279 No. Tom told me, he said, Kevin, they put me in a parachute, 18 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,740 they might as well put a diaper on me and send me to pasture. 19 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,201 Look, Kevin... you know, 20 00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:18,077 based on the success of the first one, 21 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,623 we see massive franchise potential with The Jefferson's. 22 00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,708 And you know, your agent just keeps saying that you might 23 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,543 be waffling on doing a sequel. 24 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,086 And I'm just here to ask, is it about the money? 25 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,131 Look, Deb, The Jefferson's is amazing, right? 26 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:31,549 We did amazing work there. 27 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,760 But I'll be honest, when I walk on that set, 28 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,345 I feel like I'm being babysat. 29 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:38,264 I mean, they give me goddamn stunt coordinators. 30 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:42,685 I have... I have stage managers, uh, wires, green screens. 31 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,021 Yes, a... and somehow, you still manage to jump out 32 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,857 of an airplane without a chute. 33 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,734 I wasn't telling the truth when I told you that, 34 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,194 but I forgot to say I was lying. 35 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,987 So let's take a pause, right? 36 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,489 Put a pin in that, so you understand 37 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,491 that wasn't the truth. I had to make that up. 38 00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:57,700 I was pretending. 39 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,202 But you know why I got to pretend? 40 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,496 Because I'm not a real action star, Deb. 41 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:03,873 Kevin, you took a sitcom about a dry cleaner, 42 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:06,084 and you turned him into motherfucking Jason Bourne. 43 00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:08,920 Okay? You are a real action star. 44 00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:11,047 - No, not yet. - Not yet? 45 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:14,551 No. But I will be. 46 00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,262 When you fund my next project. 47 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,888 Okay. 48 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,265 Deb, now, look, what I'm about to tell you is going 49 00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:21,599 to seem crazy at first, but I promise you, 50 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,685 if you give it a chance, you'll get it. 51 00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,979 - Close your eyes. - Okay. 52 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,940 Deb, I want you to picture yourself going up a mountain. 53 00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,233 [glass breaking] 54 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,485 [guests screaming] 55 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,612 [Man 1] On the ground! Let's go! 56 00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:35,947 [grunts] 57 00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,073 Alright, you rich assholes! 58 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,284 [gunfire] 59 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:42,161 Wallets, Rolexes, jewelry! 60 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,705 All your fancy shit! 61 00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:45,331 - What is taking so long? - Put it in the bag! 62 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,708 Let's go! 63 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,209 [whispering] Just stay calm. Stay calm. 64 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,086 [Man 2] Everything shiny! Let's go! 65 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,296 [gunfire] 66 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:52,714 Get it in the bag! Let's go! 67 00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,757 [whispering] They're coming this way. 68 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,342 I don't have all day here! 69 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,387 [whispering] Shit, shit! Shit, shit, shit! 70 00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:01,765 Trying to hide, little man? 71 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,978 The fuck did you just call me? 72 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,106 Bet you got a big wallet for such a little man. 73 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,859 Now, put it in the bag! 74 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:16,905 You want my wallet? Huh? 75 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,031 Get back. I got this. 76 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,575 [whispering] You got what? 77 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,870 - I want your gun! - Shit! 78 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,872 You believe this fucking clown? 79 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,166 [grunting] 80 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,543 Give me your gun! 81 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,880 [gasps] 82 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,215 Whoa. 83 00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,009 You're just going to be the first man in history 84 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,719 to shoot somebody with a safety on? 85 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,804 - What? - Huh? 86 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,350 [grunting] 87 00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:52,941 I don't like guns. 88 00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:54,567 Oh, shit! 89 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:55,902 [groans] 90 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,278 - Not enough. - God damn it. 91 00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,614 Shit. 92 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,243 [yells] 93 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,797 Nice to beef you, motherfucker. 94 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,383 [applause] 95 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:25,056 Hey, it's not about me. It's about you. 96 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:27,016 I'm glad everybody's safe. 97 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,810 It's a crazy world that we're living in. 98 00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:31,270 - A lot of nut jobs out here. - Oh, Kevin! 99 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,482 Kevin? What just happened? 100 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:38,027 Real goddamn action! 101 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,195 That's what just happened. 102 00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,531 - Okay. - Real fucking action. 103 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,241 That's the adrenaline that I want audiences 104 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,493 across the globe to feel, Deb. 105 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,412 This... this was all staged? 106 00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,831 Yeah! All of it. They're actors. 107 00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,040 I just wanted to give you a little taste of what 108 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,500 our movie was about, right? 109 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,043 This is the movie that we're going to make. 110 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,713 So what I did was, I brought an outline, right? 111 00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,506 A little rough outline to give you a little idea 112 00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,674 about what we're going to do. 113 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,634 - Oh, boy. - Right? 114 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,302 The world of our movie lives 115 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,263 in improvised action. 116 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:08,057 It's spontaneous ass-whoopins. That's what this is about. 117 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,560 That guy spontaneously hit you with a gun. 118 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:11,728 [Kevin] You're talking about Larry? 119 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,855 Larry! Hey! You got me good. 120 00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,773 - I'm gonna feel that one. - Yeah, you are. 121 00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:18,067 You goddamn right. [chuckling] Fucking Larry. 122 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,319 You're not well. Oh, no, you're not well. 123 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,779 [Kevin] This is about me getting a respect 124 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,032 that I deserve as an action star, Deb! 125 00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,325 [Deb chuckles] 126 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,495 What is it that you want me to say here? 127 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,747 [Kevin] What do I want you to say? 128 00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:33,208 Deb, I want you to say, I'll do it! 129 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:36,961 My answer is no. Never. 130 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,296 This is never going to happen, 131 00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,839 not at my studio or anyone else's. No. 132 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,382 [Kevin] Please? - No. 133 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,925 [Kevin] Can you just give it a... - No, no, no, no. 134 00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,969 Deb, can you just... 135 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,680 Can you just please give it a... give it a read? 136 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,808 [Deb] Oh. - Okay? Here. 137 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,019 There you go. That's all... that's all I want. 138 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,563 Can you just... 139 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:57,983 I'll read it. 140 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,612 We did it! Yeah! 141 00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:05,115 [applause] 142 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,960 [horn honking] 143 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:23,758 Hello, Mr. Greenlight! She loved it, right? 144 00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,551 I told you she was going to love it! 145 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,512 What's the budget she gave you? $300 million? 146 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,722 $400... $500 million for this? 147 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,266 Just drive. 148 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,313 I am so sorry, Kevin. That's not... that is not fair. 149 00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,732 You are a king, and this town doesn't deserve you. 150 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,609 Do you hear me? You are a king! 151 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,945 You are my king! Praise! 152 00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,863 Praise! 153 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,740 Wait a second. Is that her right there? 154 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,158 Is that her, the one throwing away the script? 155 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,619 Is that her right there? Excuse me, ma'am! 156 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,205 Excuse me, ma'am, in the red jacket! How are you? 157 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,666 Kevin Darnell Hart is a national treasure! 158 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,334 - A national treasure! - Just drive the car! 159 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,086 [Andre] We're going to drive the car! 160 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,754 But honestly, get your shit together! 161 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,172 Nice to meet you! 162 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,591 [Kevin] Drive the fucking car, Andre! 163 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,095 [instrumental music] 164 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,476 [upbeat music] 165 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,812 Today is gonna be the most amazing day of your life. 166 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,230 Your papers. 167 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,857 You say the same thing every day, Andre. 168 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:22,984 - And every day, you're wrong. - Oh, well, come on. 169 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,485 You're just cranky, because you haven't 170 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,112 had your tofu tahini smoothie. 171 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,573 I'll get that for you right now. Sophie! His TT! 172 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:29,907 I really hate that you call it that. 173 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,826 Here we go. Big gulps. 174 00:07:31,827 --> 00:07:33,786 - There you go. - No. 175 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,290 I'm cranky, because the movie of my dreams just flamed. Okay? 176 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,041 Now, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. 177 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,502 Well, I mean, come on, man. You still have us. 178 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,837 That's amazing, right? You have us. 179 00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,463 What the hell does that mean? Ooh. 180 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,259 Hannah, Sophie, me, your man TJ right over here! 181 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,094 I'm talking about your village! 182 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,512 I know what you need. I know what you need. 183 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,055 A massage. 184 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,849 Nina, these are all set up for the new hot stones? 185 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,058 I can be in about ten minutes. 186 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,269 She can be in about ten minutes. 187 00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:00,479 Kevin, the crew are ready whenever you are. 188 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,023 Yeah. I'm ready. 189 00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,107 [Andre] You got this! 190 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,525 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 191 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,068 There you go. 192 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,486 Oh, God. How you doing? 193 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,280 Good. Great. 194 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:13,117 Kev, now just pretend you're biking through the Swiss Alps. 195 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,661 We'll CG the Alps in later. 196 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,205 What is that? 197 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,664 I'm on foot, though. I need a bike, right? 198 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,751 We'll CG that in, too. Action! 199 00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:25,504 [Kevin] You just want me to... 200 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,089 [Director] Just go for it. 201 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,841 Act like I'm riding a bike? 202 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,052 Exactly. [Andre] Straight arms. 203 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,846 Kevin, look at this. Kevin, look at this. 204 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,390 [Kevin] Hey, man. Not... No! 205 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,435 I can't... can't do this shit! I can't. 206 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:44,523 I... I cannot do this shit any more! Alright? 207 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,277 I'm tired of the CGI and the goddamn green screens, 208 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,446 all this fake shit! 209 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,739 No, uh... 210 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,324 [Kevin] I want real fucking action! 211 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:54,952 Ah! [Andre] Kevin, no! 212 00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:00,539 Nina? What's the ETA on those hot stones? 213 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,124 [yells] 214 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,752 [crowd screaming] 215 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,171 [Reporter] It appears A-list actor 216 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,131 Kevin Hart is back in the news again. 217 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,677 Star of the high-octane reboot of The Jefferson's, 218 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:16,013 {\an8}Hart has spent his own money destroying a high-end Hollywood 219 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,683 {\an8}restaurant in an attempt to woo a studio 220 00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,685 {\an8}boss into financing what he refers to 221 00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:23,896 {\an8}as a cinema verité-style action film. 222 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,774 This comes just a year after the actor famously 223 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:30,152 fired his long-time stuntman Doug Eubanks 224 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,904 in the middle of production, a decision 225 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,906 that left insiders dumbfounded. 226 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,324 Bring me this man. 227 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,617 [ominous music] 228 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:40,121 Bring me this Kevin Hart. 229 00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:41,999 [Reporter] also known as Mr. 206. 230 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,711 [Kevin] Wow. This is big, man. 231 00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,629 No, like, this is really big. 232 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,339 Andre, I don't think you understand! 233 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,134 I cast my dream out into the universe, and guess what? 234 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,719 Karl Stromberg comes running! 235 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,555 Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. 236 00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,141 But I got to say, boss. I don't like it. 237 00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,351 I mean, you don't even know this guy, right? 238 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,478 I tried to look him up, and nothing came up on Google. 239 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,189 Duh. It's because he's European. 240 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,608 They got their own Google. Everybody knows that. Alright? 241 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,153 Listen, the guy is loaded, got tons of money. 242 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,780 And if his desire is to make my movie, then so be it. 243 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,615 - I'm good. - I can't do it, boss. 244 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,409 I am so sorry. I can't do it. 245 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,411 My job is to look out for your best interest, and I don't... 246 00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,330 Uh, what did you just say? 247 00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,414 It's my job to look out for your... 248 00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,207 It's not your job. 249 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,044 As a matter of fact, that's the complete opposite of your job. 250 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,880 You know who looks out for me, Andre? Me. 251 00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:32,340 That's who looks out for me. Me! 252 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,591 Okay? 253 00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,176 - You know what? Pull over. - What? 254 00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:36,469 Pull over. I'm driving myself. I don't want you... 255 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,887 Kevin, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 256 00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,180 Kevin, you can't drive yourself. You need me! 257 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,182 - You need me! - I do not need you. 258 00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,517 Correction! [chuckles] I don't need you! 259 00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:44,894 I didn't need my stunt man! 260 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,354 I damn sure don't need an assistant 261 00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:47,563 telling me how to live my life. 262 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,814 Pull over! 263 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,776 [car honking] 264 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,027 Don't... don't hold the wheel in the middle! 265 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,780 Shut up, Andre! I said shut up! 266 00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,406 - I know how to drive! - We know! 267 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,991 We all know! He knows how to drive a car! 268 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,452 We know! But let's say you put your hand down. 269 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,454 - You pop it in D. - Pop it in first! 270 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,331 Nope, that's reverse! Whoa! You know what? 271 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,999 Why don't I help you out? 272 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,001 I'll get in there, I'll start her up, I'll roll out, 273 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,211 and everybody will think it was you. 274 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,670 [Kevin] I don't want your help! 275 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,214 Good, good, good! Good! 276 00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,507 Good! Good, good, good! 277 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,092 [Kevin] Yeah, smooth! Very smooth! 278 00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,260 You're leaving! [Kevin] Yeah! Fuck off! 279 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,013 I'll drive all the way home! 280 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,434 [cigar cutter clinks] 281 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,229 [inhales] 282 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,939 [exhales] 283 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,442 [opera music] 284 00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,868 So, Karl... 285 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,123 Karl, what is it, uh, what is that you do for a living, man? 286 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,502 I made my fortune mining precious metals. 287 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,170 [Kevin] Mm. 288 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:57,341 Now, I finance films, primarily in the Balkans, 289 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,884 once in North Korea. 290 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,970 It's probably hard to get permits over there, huh? 291 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:04,306 Permits are for cowards. 292 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:08,769 Your outline... is dangerous. 293 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,312 It's violent. 294 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:11,897 It's almost no narrative that makes 295 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,859 sense to a regular human being. 296 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,612 I am not the regular human being. No. 297 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,867 - I am Karl Stromberg. - Yeah. 298 00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,619 [Karl] And that is why... 299 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,623 I will finance this film for you. 300 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,709 What did you just say to me? 301 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,169 You're telling me that you're going 302 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,088 to finance my goddamn movie? Huh? 303 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,091 [chuckles] Dude, you just made my day, man! 304 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,010 And I don't have to do my pitch! Because my pitch is expensive. 305 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,720 I ain't going to break all this glass 306 00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,346 and stuff in here, because I know I got to pay for it. 307 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:45,639 Dude! You just... 308 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,183 I was in a dark place, Karl. 309 00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,018 I was in a real dark place, man. 310 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,187 You just pulled me out of a dark place. 311 00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,646 Because people underestimate you. 312 00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:53,898 Yeah. 313 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,442 When you left comedy for the action, 314 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,985 they said you'd fail. 315 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,570 Did they? 316 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,324 When you fired your stuntman to do your own stunts... 317 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,533 they said you would fail. 318 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:05,826 You heard about that? 319 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,578 [Karl] Everyone heard about that. 320 00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,580 It's only you and Tom Cruise who do your own stunts now. 321 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,832 That's... that's a fact. 322 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,126 Two peas in a pod, man. What's going on? 323 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,337 What you doing? 324 00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,756 This film, Kevin... 325 00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:23,802 will put you in your own category. 326 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:29,391 Ah! One pea in one pod. 327 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,935 Yes, right. 328 00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,812 That's right. One pea, one pod. 329 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,440 Hell, yeah. 330 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,942 That's what it's supposed to be, Karl. 331 00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,401 You know what, man? I know we just met, 332 00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:42,029 but I feel like I've known you for a long time, 333 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,489 because you get me. 334 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,366 I'm so sick of this... 335 00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:49,578 this CG and this green screen shit! 336 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,664 So what'd you think of the story, Karl? About me... 337 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,250 No one watches movies for the story. 338 00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,668 Yeah. 339 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,379 They watch it for the action. 340 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,715 And the nudity. 341 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,677 I don't really... 342 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,638 I don't really have any dick in my script. 343 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,098 But if you want some, if you feel like people want 344 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,809 to see dick, I can add some dick. 345 00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,894 I can... I'm not afraid to go full frontal. 346 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,896 I'll do it. Right? 347 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,481 If that's what the people want. 348 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,483 My biggest thing, though, is the action, man. 349 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,110 I just don't... I don't want to see it coming. 350 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,820 Right? I want to be caught off guard. 351 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,697 - You will shit your pants! - What you talkin' about? 352 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,616 We will have a change of pants available at all times 353 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:31,036 for when you shit your pants. 354 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,997 [inhales] Because I'm scared. 355 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,665 [Karl] You will shit. - I... I will shit. 356 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,333 [Karl] You will shit... - Yeah. 357 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,835 [Karl] ...your pants. - I'll shit my goddamn pants. 358 00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,795 You will shit! 359 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,547 [Kevin] I want to shit! - You will shit. 360 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,923 [Kevin] Alright! I wanna shit! 361 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,009 - You wanna shit? - Yeah! I will shit! 362 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,094 You shit your pants! 363 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,763 I'm ready to shit my pants, Karl! 364 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:53,934 I want to shit my pants! Right now! 365 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,645 When... when do we start so I can shit! 366 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,689 [Karl] We already have. 367 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,649 There's a camera hidden right behind you. 368 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,277 [ominous music] 369 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,945 Ohh! 370 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:07,823 [chuckles] I think I see it! 371 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,326 The little... the black... the space with the black, right? 372 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:11,828 [gunshot] 373 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,843 [weak groaning] 374 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:31,097 [moaning] 375 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,355 [cutter clinking] 376 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,900 [groaning] 377 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:45,403 [yelling] 378 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,502 [screaming] 379 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,296 Back up! 380 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,006 Get your ass back! 381 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,216 I don't know who you think you messing with, 382 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,509 but I tell you, you got... 383 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,219 Oh, shit! 384 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,763 He going to fucking eat my ass! 385 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,015 He going to eat my ass and set me on fire or some shit, 386 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,558 ain't you? 387 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,228 Who are you? Huh? 388 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,563 Where am I? Tell me... tell me where I'm at! 389 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,774 Who... Wait a minute. 390 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,902 Do you work, you work for Karl Stromberg? 391 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,659 I said, do you work for Karl Stromberg? 392 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,249 Okay. 393 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,544 Okay. Okay, we in it. 394 00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,671 This is it. We're doing it. 395 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,132 Okay, Karl! I like it! I like it! 396 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,175 Um, okay, shit. 397 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,177 Okay, let me see. Where... where are we in the script? 398 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,138 God, my adrenaline's flowing so much. 399 00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:57,349 You got me! I thought you was really trying to eat my ass! 400 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,768 Alright. Uh, okay, three, two, one. 401 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,186 [blabbers] Okay. 402 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,647 Rice, peas, carrots, let's go. [sniffles] 403 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,151 [dramatic music] 404 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:12,072 You know, I've been searching the globe for you. 405 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,951 You're a hard man to find, Mr. Bartholomew. 406 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,916 I think you got a line. 407 00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:25,210 You got a line! 408 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,172 Uh, you say your part, and I'll react off of that. 409 00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,883 Because what you say sets me up to now have my... 410 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:34,595 Unless you're not union. Or... Is he union or no? 411 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:37,014 Guys? Can you not just... 412 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,432 Okay. 413 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,476 Oh, rewrite. There must have been pink pages. 414 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,394 Okay. Uh, let me get back in. 415 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,980 [clinking] 416 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,483 What you going to do with those? 417 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,818 Chop off my finger? Hmm? 418 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,653 Cut off my leg? My foot? 419 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,280 [clinking] 420 00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:56,201 Newsflash, I only need one foot to kick your ass. 421 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:01,663 That is a trailer moment! Guys! I only... 422 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,124 [Man on speaker] Good evening. 423 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:07,544 Do not use the shears on this man. 424 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,129 [Kevin] Is that... is that the producer? 425 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,839 Is that Karl? Karl! 426 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,218 [Man on speaker] He must atone for his sins. 427 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,637 What is that? Atone for my... I don't know... 428 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,555 [Man on speaker] He must feel the pain 429 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,433 he has made others feel. 430 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,854 Yeah, I'm lost, guys. I don't know where we are. 431 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,981 Um, if we're going to do rewrites, 432 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,900 you guys got to give me the pages. 433 00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,443 I'll stay in it. I'll stay in it. Uh... 434 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,363 [metallic whirring] 435 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,032 Okay, alright. Okay. 436 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,784 Why don't we... why don't we take it easy? 437 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,244 Because I know why you're mad, huh? 438 00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,495 You're mad because... Stop right there. 439 00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,038 Let's stop right there. No, no, no. 440 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,374 Let's make that your mark. Nope, stop right there. 441 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,669 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Hey! 442 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,920 [Man on speaker] Count to ten. 443 00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:51,338 No, fuck you! Wait! 444 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,882 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hey, man! 445 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,468 Hey! No, no, don't cut my dick! 446 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,887 Don't cut my dick! That's not... Okay, use it. 447 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,681 I'mma use it! Stay in it. 448 00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,267 [grunts] 449 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,186 Yeah! 450 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,321 Two. 451 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,532 [Kevin] Come on! 452 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,575 Come on! 453 00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,078 [yelling] 454 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,542 [sighs] 455 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,798 Damn it! 456 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,301 No, not today. 457 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,136 Yeah! 458 00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:40,971 Did we get it? Huh? 459 00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:43,765 [laughs] Spin it! We got it! 460 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,767 Yeah! Oh! 461 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,645 [ominous music] 462 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,065 Comin' to beat your ass, Montoya. 463 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,153 This set's incredible. So good. 464 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,698 Shit! 465 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,367 It's Montoya's men. 466 00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,087 [woman yells] 467 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,797 Jordan? The hell are you doing here? 468 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,343 [muffled yelling] 469 00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:21,637 Son of a bitch! 470 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,889 Did they hurt you? Hm? Did they hurt you? 471 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,224 Kevin, what the hell is going on? 472 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,685 The uranium heist. That's what's going on. 473 00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:31,438 - Wait, what? - I already handled Bartholomew. 474 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:35,651 But General Montoya, he's not going to let us off as easy. 475 00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,278 What the hell are you talking about? 476 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,363 Shit! 477 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,114 I was walking my dog, 478 00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,783 and someone hit me in the fucking neck 479 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,451 with a tranquillizer dart! 480 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,578 - Huh? - And I ended up here. 481 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,246 What are you talking about? 482 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,873 You didn't talk to Karl Stromberg? 483 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,249 Who? 484 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,585 Karl Stromberg about the movie? 485 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,004 Right now, we're in it! This is the movie! 486 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,381 It's a live-action movie! 487 00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,716 We're improving all the action scenes! 488 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,260 No green screen, no fucking cables. 489 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,012 It's real, raw. 490 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,472 He's going to take my acting career 491 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,140 and my action status to the next level. 492 00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,850 So this is all your fault? 493 00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,644 [Kevin] Well, I mean, it's my script. 494 00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,604 It took me I don't know how long to develop it. But Karl... 495 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,272 - What the hell is your problem! - Stop! 496 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,649 What is wrong with you? 497 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,109 - Shit! Ow! - Annoying! 498 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,236 Stop. Shit! That's sharp! 499 00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:21,196 How long were you laying on that? 500 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,698 Damn it! 501 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,533 Now, why you got an attitude? 502 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:27,828 This is a simple outline! It's a layup! 503 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:30,038 Okay? I'm a triple agent. 504 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,624 MI-7. I'm the highest of high, right? 505 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,292 Like, you can't get higher than where I am. 506 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,253 But you... you're my love interest. 507 00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:37,629 They took you hostage because they knew that's the only way 508 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,047 to get to me. 509 00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,841 So now, I'm here, and I got to get you. 510 00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,426 - You understand what... - You're pathetic. 511 00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:45,303 And I'm pretty sure that kidnapping is a felony. 512 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,556 Well, I'm pretty sure that when you're an adult, 513 00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:49,057 they don't call it kidnapping. 514 00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:51,143 So that's... [chuckles] That's pathetic. 515 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:52,644 Fuck you, Kevin. 516 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,771 What do you mean fuck me? Why are you at me? 517 00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,565 You should be mad at Karl Stromberg! Not me! 518 00:21:56,566 --> 00:21:58,483 I do not know who that is! 519 00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,235 Shh! 520 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,739 [ominous music] 521 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,782 You don't want him to hear you. 522 00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,701 Who? Who will hear me? 523 00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:10,579 There's no one here! And do not say Karl Stromberg. 524 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,497 Are you saying Strum or Strom? 525 00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,082 Is it Strum or Stromberg? Because I don't know. 526 00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,334 [Kevin] Okay, hey, hey, hey. 527 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,211 There are cameras everywhere. 528 00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:20,088 We're filming a movie! 529 00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:24,801 Where? There are no cameras anywhere! 530 00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:27,929 Will you look around? There's cameras everywhere! 531 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,681 Okay, listen. Listen. 532 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,768 All I need you to do is just grasp what's going on. 533 00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:35,103 This is a big opportunity for both of us. 534 00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:37,898 Okay? Just get in character. 535 00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,649 Please? 536 00:22:39,650 --> 00:22:41,694 [dramatic music] 537 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:46,114 They got this place locked down tighter than Fort Knox. 538 00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,742 Oh, God. You wrote this dialogue? 539 00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:51,953 Those motherfuckers knew I would come rescue you. 540 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,498 Beautiful damsel in distress like yourself. 541 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:56,208 [music stops] 542 00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:59,961 Yep. Thank you for rescuing me. 543 00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:04,132 Just like any woman, I wouldn't know what to do 544 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:08,178 if a man didn't show up to save me and tell me to eat 545 00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:10,972 so I don't starve and breathe oxygen, so I don't suffocate. 546 00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:13,308 Let's cut. Let's cut. 547 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:15,018 Can we cut? 548 00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:16,437 Can you work with me? 549 00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:20,941 - I'd rather not. - Please. 550 00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,818 [Kevin] Thank you. - Okay. 551 00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,945 [Kevin] Alright, guys, we're going to go again. Alright? 552 00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:26,029 Self-action. 553 00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:27,823 [dramatic music] 554 00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:30,367 Do you have any idea what's on the other side of that door? 555 00:23:30,368 --> 00:23:32,744 There are some dangerous men on the other side of that door. 556 00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:36,164 I'm talking mercenaries, killers, ninjas, 557 00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:37,833 failed karate school instructors, 558 00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,292 people that want to do bad things to me 559 00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,211 just because they can. 560 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:44,298 There's a bounty on my fucking head. 561 00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,386 I'll tell you what, Esmeralda. 562 00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,472 I'll pay that bounty. 563 00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:56,268 And I will give them my head... if it meant saving your life 564 00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,978 so that you can finish med school 565 00:23:57,979 --> 00:23:59,771 and open up that clinic that you always wanted to... 566 00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,648 Ow! Shit! 567 00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,608 Open up that clinic that you always wanted... 568 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,069 Esmeralda, wait. 569 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:09,698 Esmeralda! Hey! 570 00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:12,200 [ominous music] 571 00:24:12,201 --> 00:24:14,995 Oh, you fucking piece of shit! 572 00:24:14,996 --> 00:24:17,205 You leave her out of it, you hear me? 573 00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:19,583 She's got nothing to do with this. 574 00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:24,546 This is between me, you, and the 78,000 kilos of stolen uranium. 575 00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:25,797 [glass breaking] 576 00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:28,550 Alright. That's how you want to have it? 577 00:24:28,551 --> 00:24:31,428 Let's have at it. 578 00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:33,346 I'm so over this. 579 00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,932 Kevin, next time you have a terrible movie idea, 580 00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:37,726 leave me out of it, yeah? 581 00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:39,269 - Ah! - Oh, shit! 582 00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:41,480 [groaning] 583 00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:45,442 I'm sorry, but did this central casting goon 584 00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:48,737 just hit me in the face with a real fucking ass... Cut. 585 00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:51,031 No, no, no, we need to cut right now! 586 00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:52,782 I don't know what weird production this is, 587 00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:54,618 but I need to speak to a producer! 588 00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:56,370 [yelling] 589 00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,757 Is that all you've got? 590 00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:11,552 Jordan. Let me get in there now. 591 00:25:13,471 --> 00:25:15,639 Slam his ass! 592 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,475 [yelling] 593 00:25:18,476 --> 00:25:20,894 Jordan! Let my character get some! 594 00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:22,271 Tag me in! 595 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,899 [yelling] 596 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:27,901 [glass breaking] 597 00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,694 Damn! 598 00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,781 [yelling] 599 00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,913 Hold it. 600 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:44,001 Yeah! 601 00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:47,671 Whoa! We got that! 602 00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:49,130 What a scene! 603 00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:51,549 Good job! Here. 604 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,884 I think I'm the one that was supposed 605 00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:54,302 to kick his ass, though. 606 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:55,804 Because I'm the lead. 607 00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:57,097 So I'm quite sure that was supposed to be me. 608 00:25:57,098 --> 00:25:58,348 But we'll fix it in post... 609 00:25:58,349 --> 00:25:59,933 [gunfire] 610 00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:02,436 Go, go, go! Go! 611 00:26:04,981 --> 00:26:06,524 [panting] 612 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:09,526 [Jordan] That guy was trying to kill me! 613 00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:10,944 Kevin, not acting! 614 00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,779 Not a movie! Literally trying to kill me! 615 00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:15,198 No. It's cinema verité. 616 00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:16,741 I know it's a little different, but that's what it is. 617 00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:19,327 Different? A little fucking different, Kevin? 618 00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:21,037 - Wow, shit! - Are you okay? 619 00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:23,415 Yeah, I know you're just trying to get me to apologize. 620 00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:25,792 - Just give me a second. What? - Kevin. 621 00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:28,713 You've been hit. With a real fucking bullet! 622 00:26:30,715 --> 00:26:32,465 That's not real blood. 623 00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:33,967 [Jordan] What? 624 00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:35,844 - Of course it's real blood! - No. Taste it. 625 00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,470 I'm not going to taste your blood, Kevin! 626 00:26:37,471 --> 00:26:39,723 You can! You can! It's pig's blood! 627 00:26:39,724 --> 00:26:42,142 It's not my blood. [chuckles] 628 00:26:42,143 --> 00:26:43,601 [Jordan] Does that feel fake? 629 00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:46,980 - Ow! Ow! - Shit! Shit, shit. 630 00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:50,359 I gotta lay down! 631 00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:55,030 Kevin! 632 00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,823 No, no, no, no, no! Wait, look! 633 00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:59,160 There's a photographer! Look. He wants your picture! See? 634 00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:03,205 Go on! What the fuck! 635 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,791 If I had what now? 636 00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,668 [Jordan] Just an unexpected accident 637 00:27:08,669 --> 00:27:11,504 with a very small, 638 00:27:11,505 --> 00:27:15,258 flying, fast, like projectile object through his shoulder. 639 00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:16,468 And I just think some painkillers 640 00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:17,510 would really help him. 641 00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:18,762 Mm-hmm. 642 00:27:18,763 --> 00:27:20,263 I know I don't have a prescription, 643 00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,058 but I can assure you, this is an emergency. 644 00:27:24,143 --> 00:27:25,561 I see. 645 00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:30,440 You want to score some good drugs? 646 00:27:30,441 --> 00:27:33,234 Some xannies, some ox, chuckleheads, 647 00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,862 wet Garys, Shriek and Jimmy's, moon pie, spider pie? 648 00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,530 Look, I'm not a drug addict! 649 00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:39,783 I'm an actor! Don't you recognize me? 650 00:27:39,784 --> 00:27:41,826 Um... 651 00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:43,495 Okay, it doesn't matter. Alright? 652 00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:45,121 My idiot friend got shot with a real bullet, 653 00:27:45,122 --> 00:27:47,582 an actual fucking bullet from an actual fucking gun! 654 00:27:47,583 --> 00:27:49,334 And now, he's bleeding out in your alleyway! 655 00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:51,669 And if you don't help me help him, 656 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,631 you're going to have a body on your hands! 657 00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:58,009 Would I know him from anywhere? 658 00:27:58,010 --> 00:27:59,636 [sighs] 659 00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:01,237 [Jordan] You're lucky it just grazed you. 660 00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:05,433 Here. It's the best I could do. 661 00:28:05,434 --> 00:28:08,395 - The hell is this? - It's for the pain. 662 00:28:08,396 --> 00:28:11,272 Pharmacist was a real piece of work. 663 00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:12,482 Well, you're a piece of work for bringing 664 00:28:12,483 --> 00:28:14,025 this out here to me. 665 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,027 I can't drink this. This is my competitor! 666 00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,321 You got to go back in there and ask for Grand Cormino. 667 00:28:18,322 --> 00:28:19,656 Are you being serious right now? 668 00:28:19,657 --> 00:28:21,491 Kevin, you've been shot! I was kidnapped! 669 00:28:21,492 --> 00:28:24,494 - Grown woman acting. Okay. - You need to fix this! 670 00:28:24,495 --> 00:28:28,456 - You need to fix this now! - I told you, I can't! Okay? 671 00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:29,749 Even if I wanted to, I can't do it. 672 00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:31,835 And by the way, it's all by design. 673 00:28:31,836 --> 00:28:34,087 I gave all the rights over to Karl Stromberg, 674 00:28:34,088 --> 00:28:37,340 who is a great precious metals magnate. 675 00:28:37,341 --> 00:28:38,842 You do hear how that sounds, right? 676 00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:41,177 You... you hear the words? 677 00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:42,680 You know, Andre was right. 678 00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:45,223 Andre, your assistant? 679 00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:49,269 Yes, my assistant. No, my former assistant. 680 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,646 He was right, though. You know what we're going to do? 681 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:54,524 We're going to pay Karl Stromberg a visit. 682 00:28:54,525 --> 00:28:56,276 Yeah, that's exactly what we're going to do. 683 00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:58,111 We're going to tell him he needs to get back on book. 684 00:28:58,112 --> 00:29:02,073 Because right now, he's not following my guidelines at all. 685 00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:03,491 And we're all over the place. 686 00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:05,243 In order for this movie to be the best thing 687 00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:08,079 that we know that it can be, we got to get back on pace. 688 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,957 Okay? We're paying him a visit. 689 00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:14,586 [Kevin] Well, at least my car is still here. 690 00:29:14,587 --> 00:29:15,962 Yeah, but it's the only one. 691 00:29:15,963 --> 00:29:17,422 This place is dead. 692 00:29:17,423 --> 00:29:19,757 Yes, because it's the weekend. That's why. 693 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,593 Kevin, it's Tuesday. 694 00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:22,887 [Kevin] Oh. 695 00:29:27,016 --> 00:29:28,434 Wait, what the fuck? 696 00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:31,311 Kevin, it doesn't look like anyone's 697 00:29:31,312 --> 00:29:33,104 been here for weeks. 698 00:29:33,105 --> 00:29:34,522 No, that's not true. 699 00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:36,649 I was just here. I was just here. 700 00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:38,776 Stromberg was right there. Okay? 701 00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,737 That was the last week, or it may have been a week before. 702 00:29:40,738 --> 00:29:42,113 I don't know what week it was, because I 703 00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,990 got knocked the fuck out. But I was here. 704 00:29:43,991 --> 00:29:46,326 He was sitting at a desk, right here. 705 00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:48,370 This is where he was. He was... 706 00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:52,458 Hmm? 707 00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,670 You will shit your pants! 708 00:29:57,671 --> 00:29:59,380 I'm not crazy. 709 00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:01,090 I knew he was here. 710 00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,800 Would I have this if he wasn't here? 711 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,552 It's the butt to his cigar. 712 00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:06,012 You know what he was doing? 713 00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:08,556 He was doing real weird stuff with the cigar, 714 00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:11,935 licking it, putting it in his nose, slobbering all on it. 715 00:30:11,936 --> 00:30:13,811 I was watching him while he was doing it. 716 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,021 Closing his eyes. 717 00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:16,815 [sniffs] All of a sudden... 718 00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:21,152 [Jordan] Why did you have to drag me 719 00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:24,030 into your stupid fantasy death wish movie? 720 00:30:24,031 --> 00:30:25,573 What are you talking about? 721 00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,450 All I said was think somebody like Jordan King. 722 00:30:27,451 --> 00:30:29,285 Keyword, "think." It was a suggestion. 723 00:30:29,286 --> 00:30:30,995 Oh, great. Thanks for the suggestion. 724 00:30:30,996 --> 00:30:32,580 He probably wanted you because you're one 725 00:30:32,581 --> 00:30:34,207 of the biggest stars in Sweden. What if that's the case? 726 00:30:34,208 --> 00:30:35,959 I'm pretty sure Greta Thunberg 727 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,418 is the biggest star in Sweden. 728 00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:38,795 The environmental activist? 729 00:30:38,796 --> 00:30:40,436 Yeah, they have their priorities straight. 730 00:30:41,715 --> 00:30:43,008 Hey, whoa. 731 00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:46,220 Wait a minute. Come here. What's this? 732 00:30:47,263 --> 00:30:48,222 Look. 733 00:30:48,223 --> 00:30:49,305 [Jordan sighs] 734 00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:50,557 Look, will you just look? 735 00:30:50,558 --> 00:30:53,060 [tense music] 736 00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:00,985 The hell is this? 737 00:31:03,279 --> 00:31:06,030 Whoa. It's the VHS. 738 00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:07,908 I haven't seen one of these in years. 739 00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:17,292 Hey, it's Brian Penn from Buchwald Associates reading fo... 740 00:31:17,293 --> 00:31:19,669 Um, I'm sorry, is it Stromberg or... 741 00:31:19,670 --> 00:31:21,796 That's Karl Stromberg! [Man on TV] It's Stromberg. 742 00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,756 It's him! I mean, he... 743 00:31:23,757 --> 00:31:25,258 It's different hair, but it's him! 744 00:31:25,259 --> 00:31:29,804 Bring me this man, this... Kevin Hart. 745 00:31:29,805 --> 00:31:31,806 I... I'm actually going to go thicker. 746 00:31:31,807 --> 00:31:34,100 Kevin, it's an audition tape. 747 00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:37,020 Yeah, well, obviously. I can see that. 748 00:31:37,021 --> 00:31:38,646 I see that it's an audition tape. 749 00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:40,565 The question is, why? Why is it an audition tape? 750 00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:43,526 Oh, my god. Wait a minute, is Karl Stromberg even real? 751 00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:45,361 [Jordan] What, you didn't google him before the meeting? 752 00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:47,030 [Kevin] He's from Sweden. 753 00:31:47,031 --> 00:31:48,823 You want me to go all the way to Sweden and google? 754 00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:50,908 That's ridiculous. Stop. 755 00:31:50,909 --> 00:31:52,243 [Jordan] Are you on drugs? 756 00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:53,829 [phone ringing] 757 00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,293 Quick, answer it! 758 00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,510 Hello? 759 00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:11,721 [Man on phone] Hello, Mr. Action Star. 760 00:32:11,722 --> 00:32:13,681 Congratulations. You escaped. 761 00:32:13,682 --> 00:32:16,184 Uh, do you know you shot me with a real bullet? 762 00:32:16,185 --> 00:32:17,560 [Man on phone] Of course I know. 763 00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:19,270 That bullet was meant to kill you. 764 00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:20,730 Oh, that's stupid. 765 00:32:20,731 --> 00:32:22,398 You kill me, and then you don't have a movie. 766 00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:24,275 [Man on phone] You moron. There is no movie. 767 00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,652 There never was. 768 00:32:25,653 --> 00:32:26,986 What do you mean there's no movie? 769 00:32:26,987 --> 00:32:28,404 You'd better stop talking like that. 770 00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:30,114 That's blasphemy, and you know it. 771 00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:32,241 There is a movie. Okay, who is this? 772 00:32:32,242 --> 00:32:33,785 Are you the producer? 773 00:32:33,786 --> 00:32:35,620 [Man on phone] You have forgotten who you are, 774 00:32:35,621 --> 00:32:37,580 where you came from. 775 00:32:37,581 --> 00:32:39,582 I didn't... didn't anybody forget where they came from. 776 00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,292 [Man on phone] Then what was the name 777 00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:43,504 of your first elementary school teacher? 778 00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:49,050 Ms. Foxen. 779 00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:51,552 No, Ms. Clarkson... Clarkson... Clarkson. 780 00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:53,304 Yeah, Ms. Clarkson. 781 00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:54,889 [Man on phone] And the hospital where you were born? 782 00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:56,307 What does that have to do with anything? 783 00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:57,768 [Man on phone] The name. 784 00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:01,729 [whispering] Go on. 785 00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:05,525 Uh, Saint Falkenstein. 786 00:33:05,526 --> 00:33:08,069 - That sounds wrong. - Saint Falkenstein Hospital. 787 00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:10,113 What... Hey! Enough of this shit! 788 00:33:10,114 --> 00:33:11,948 Cut the shit! Who are you? 789 00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:13,491 Who the fuck are you? 790 00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:15,159 [Man on phone] I'm the person who's brought 791 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,536 an end to your life. 792 00:33:16,537 --> 00:33:18,121 You are no longer cared for. 793 00:33:18,122 --> 00:33:20,248 - You're worth nothing. - Uh, excuse me. 794 00:33:20,249 --> 00:33:22,542 Can I ask why I've been dragged into this? 795 00:33:22,543 --> 00:33:24,419 [line disconnects] 796 00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:27,004 Great, Kevin! You took all the phone time with him! 797 00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,548 [Kevin] Oh, I'm sorry. 798 00:33:28,549 --> 00:33:30,133 Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to figure out 799 00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,260 what was going on with my life, trying to hear 800 00:33:32,261 --> 00:33:34,137 a serial killer voice out. 801 00:33:34,138 --> 00:33:35,805 I'm sorry that I inconvenienced you! 802 00:33:35,806 --> 00:33:38,057 - Shh! Shh! - Goddamn it, Jordan! 803 00:33:38,058 --> 00:33:39,809 Shh! Do you hear that? 804 00:33:39,810 --> 00:33:41,353 [quiet beeping] 805 00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,189 It's the VCR. 806 00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:46,900 What the fuck? 807 00:33:48,444 --> 00:33:50,486 [gasps] Oh, fuck, it's a bomb. 808 00:33:50,487 --> 00:33:52,572 - What? - It's a fucking bomb. 809 00:33:52,573 --> 00:33:53,948 Well, disarm it! 810 00:33:53,949 --> 00:33:55,366 You fucking disarm it! 811 00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:56,951 Oh, yeah, 'cause I know how to disarm a bomb. 812 00:33:56,952 --> 00:33:59,036 Oh, I do 'cause I'm Black? That's what you think? 813 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,538 Every Black man know how to disarm a bomb? 814 00:34:00,539 --> 00:34:01,873 That is not a thing, Kevin. 815 00:34:01,874 --> 00:34:03,249 [Kevin] Oh, I bet it's not a thing. 816 00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:05,127 Get your racist ass back. Move, move! 817 00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:07,920 Quick, quick, quick. Come on. 818 00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,299 Oh, my God. Open it, open it. 819 00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,177 [grunts] Pull, pull! 820 00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,056 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 821 00:34:22,311 --> 00:34:24,395 Back. Get back, get back, get back! 822 00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:25,688 Shit. 823 00:34:25,689 --> 00:34:27,774 [clanging] 824 00:34:27,775 --> 00:34:29,067 [clanging stops] 825 00:34:32,029 --> 00:34:33,905 Okay. 826 00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:35,823 Well, I guess it is just a movie. 827 00:34:35,824 --> 00:34:37,492 Yeah, and that was a fake bomb... 828 00:34:37,493 --> 00:34:38,701 [explosion] 829 00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:40,119 Whoa! 830 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,997 [alarm blaring] 831 00:34:46,168 --> 00:34:48,711 [both coughing] 832 00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,129 [Andre] Where's my keys? 833 00:34:50,130 --> 00:34:51,547 - Oh, my god! - Oh, you're okay. 834 00:34:51,548 --> 00:34:53,007 You're okay. What was that sound? 835 00:34:53,008 --> 00:34:54,801 Andre? What the hell are you doing here? 836 00:34:54,802 --> 00:34:56,260 - Come on, go. - What are you talking about? 837 00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,512 - We gotta go. - I'll get the door for you. 838 00:34:57,513 --> 00:34:59,013 Go now! 839 00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:00,973 Kevin, that was a real fucking bomb. 840 00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:02,683 A real fucking bomb! 841 00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:04,435 Okay, Jordan, well, can you put yourself in my shoes? 842 00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:05,937 I will not, no. No. 843 00:35:05,938 --> 00:35:07,355 I do not have to do that. Do you know what? 844 00:35:07,356 --> 00:35:09,941 Just shut up. Shut the fuck up. 845 00:35:09,942 --> 00:35:12,652 Hey, Jordan. I'm Andre. I don't know if you remember me. 846 00:35:12,653 --> 00:35:13,945 Hey, man, put your hand on the wheel. 847 00:35:13,946 --> 00:35:15,279 [Andre] You got it. 848 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,031 I'm actually... I'm Kevin's protege. 849 00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:21,035 Sorry, I'm Kevin's assistant... Former assistant. Fuck me. 850 00:35:21,036 --> 00:35:24,163 Of course I remember you, Andre. So what? 851 00:35:24,164 --> 00:35:25,998 Kevin kicked you out in the middle of the street, did he? 852 00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:28,543 No, pish-posh. No, of course not. 853 00:35:28,544 --> 00:35:32,004 Technically, it was the sidewalk and I love Skid Row. 854 00:35:32,005 --> 00:35:33,548 Everybody's got a story to tell. 855 00:35:33,549 --> 00:35:35,466 So many teachable moments. 856 00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:37,093 Wait, you... you didn't go home? 857 00:35:37,094 --> 00:35:38,803 You just waited here this whole time? 858 00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:40,596 Well, yeah. I mean, I always carry a spare key, right? 859 00:35:40,597 --> 00:35:42,765 That's what I do. And I don't mind waiting. 860 00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:46,477 - It was a quick 25, 30 hours. - Thirty hours? 861 00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:49,146 I would wait a lifetime to make sure Kevin is okay. 862 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,607 Stop it. Stop it. I didn't ask you to do that. 863 00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:54,026 - Don't act like I did. - I know, I know. 864 00:35:54,027 --> 00:35:55,611 And I know you fired me. 865 00:35:55,612 --> 00:35:57,405 Oh, right, you fired him 866 00:35:57,406 --> 00:36:00,074 because he tried to warn you about the Swedish mobster that 867 00:36:00,075 --> 00:36:02,326 was actually a shitty actor who was working 868 00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:03,911 for someone trying to murder us. 869 00:36:03,912 --> 00:36:05,162 Okay, I don't understand what's happening. 870 00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:06,706 I really don't. And Jordan, 871 00:36:06,707 --> 00:36:07,957 I'm just gonna throw this out there right now. 872 00:36:07,958 --> 00:36:09,584 I feel like you're still mad at me. 873 00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:12,169 I will never not be mad at you for the rest of my life. 874 00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:14,755 I am so sorry to interrupt, but where am I going? 875 00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,299 Because I've just been driving. 876 00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:17,592 Hey, hey, we're going to my house. 877 00:36:17,593 --> 00:36:18,926 - You got it. - Okay, go to my house. 878 00:36:18,927 --> 00:36:20,344 No, I'm not going to your house. 879 00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:21,721 - I'm going to my house. - Your house it is. 880 00:36:21,722 --> 00:36:23,139 No, you're not going to your house, 881 00:36:23,140 --> 00:36:24,432 because I need to know that you're safe. 882 00:36:24,433 --> 00:36:26,559 Oh, right, yeah, just like Andre wanted 883 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,227 to make sure you were safe. 884 00:36:28,228 --> 00:36:31,147 [Kevin] You know what? I know what you're doing. 885 00:36:31,148 --> 00:36:32,565 I know exactly what you're doing. 886 00:36:32,566 --> 00:36:34,275 You're trying to do one of those things 887 00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:37,737 where you make me evaluate who I am as a person, right? 888 00:36:37,738 --> 00:36:39,530 That's what you're trying to do. But guess what? 889 00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,198 I'm not gonna do that, because who I am as a person 890 00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:43,826 is who I'm okay with, and I'm settled in. 891 00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,828 [beeping] 892 00:36:45,829 --> 00:36:48,414 [Andre] It's not working. I'm gonna try one more time. 893 00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:49,749 Are you sure you're punching in the right code? 894 00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:51,459 Of course, man. It's your birthday, 895 00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:53,419 like I'd ever forget that. It's tattooed on my inner thigh. 896 00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:55,296 I rub it every morning. 897 00:36:55,297 --> 00:36:56,589 - See what I'm dealing with? - Okay. 898 00:36:56,590 --> 00:36:58,466 All the time, this is what it is. 899 00:36:58,467 --> 00:37:00,343 It's not working. [Jordan] Wait, wait, wait. 900 00:37:00,344 --> 00:37:02,136 Maybe the person who's behind all of this 901 00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:03,638 changed the gate code. 902 00:37:03,639 --> 00:37:06,223 [Kevin] Wait, and they think I'm dead. 903 00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:07,808 So maybe this is to our advantage, right? 904 00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:09,226 [Andre] Hm. [Jordan] Maybe. 905 00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,354 Yeah, no, there's... Oh, shit, security. 906 00:37:11,355 --> 00:37:12,813 It's security, Jordan. Get in the back. Hide. 907 00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:14,398 Dude, maybe we just exit now. Should I go now? 908 00:37:14,399 --> 00:37:15,691 [Kevin] No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 909 00:37:15,692 --> 00:37:17,026 [Andre] I should just... I'm gonna leave. 910 00:37:17,027 --> 00:37:18,611 You have to leave. Stop, stop, stop. 911 00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:20,446 [Andre] Are you sure? He's huge. He doesn't like me. 912 00:37:20,447 --> 00:37:21,989 [Guard] Sir... - Hey, what's going on? 913 00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:23,574 How are you, my man? Nice to meet you. 914 00:37:23,575 --> 00:37:25,409 Are you aware you're trespassing on private property? 915 00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:28,454 I did not. I... I was not aware, no. 916 00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,456 Please reverse out and have a nice day. 917 00:37:30,457 --> 00:37:32,583 You got it, my man. [Kevin] No, do not reverse. 918 00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:33,834 - You can't reverse. - You know what? 919 00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:35,461 I'm not... I can't... 920 00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:37,672 My boss actually lives inside there. 921 00:37:37,673 --> 00:37:40,049 So if I can just jump in there real quick, it'd be great. 922 00:37:40,050 --> 00:37:41,884 Reverse out now, and no one has to get 923 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:43,260 pumped full of electricity. 924 00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:45,137 Of course. I'm positive no one needs that. 925 00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:48,474 No, do not reverse. Do not reverse. 926 00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:50,101 - Do not reverse. - I'm not gonna reverse. 927 00:37:50,102 --> 00:37:51,687 Do not fuck with me. 928 00:37:53,397 --> 00:37:55,231 [Kevin] He's bluffing. - You're bluffing. 929 00:37:55,232 --> 00:37:57,275 I assure you, I'm not bluffing. 930 00:37:58,568 --> 00:38:00,236 He's fucking bluffing. 931 00:38:00,237 --> 00:38:02,613 - Fuck with him. He's bluffing. - Fuck you. You're full of... 932 00:38:02,614 --> 00:38:04,156 [electricity crackling] 933 00:38:04,157 --> 00:38:05,826 [gibbering] 934 00:38:07,619 --> 00:38:09,037 Compliments of Mr. H. 935 00:38:10,706 --> 00:38:12,039 [Kevin] Well, I didn't tell him to do that. 936 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,416 [Jordan] Andre? [Kevin] Is he okay? 937 00:38:13,417 --> 00:38:14,918 [Jordan] Andre? Andre? 938 00:38:20,841 --> 00:38:23,217 [Jordan] Hey, Andre, m... maybe one of us should just drive. 939 00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:25,219 [laughing] No, you don't have to worry about that. I got it. 940 00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,847 - I got you, my man. - Damn it. 941 00:38:27,848 --> 00:38:29,890 I got a crook in my neck that's a bitch. 942 00:38:29,891 --> 00:38:32,560 I... I swear, I gotta get to Nina so she can fix this. 943 00:38:32,561 --> 00:38:34,186 - Who's Nina? - Kevin's full-time masseuse. 944 00:38:34,187 --> 00:38:35,563 She's my full-time masseuse. 945 00:38:35,564 --> 00:38:37,565 [laughs] Of course. 946 00:38:37,566 --> 00:38:39,191 Oh, okay, well, I'm glad that my life 947 00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:40,735 getting destroyed amuses you. 948 00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:42,528 Well, didn't you basically ask for all of this? 949 00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:43,904 [mimicking Jordan] No, I didn't basically ask for all of this. 950 00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:46,115 I did not do that. I asked for a movie. 951 00:38:46,116 --> 00:38:47,491 There's a big difference. 952 00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:49,326 A movie has cameras and sound, lights. 953 00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:50,703 That's what that has in it. 954 00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:53,080 This is not the same, not the same. 955 00:38:53,081 --> 00:38:54,665 We need to go to the police. 956 00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,667 [Kevin] No, no, we do not need to go to police. 957 00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,462 Whoever this guy is, he thinks that we're dead, right? 958 00:38:59,463 --> 00:39:02,465 So we use that to our advantage, okay? 959 00:39:02,466 --> 00:39:04,258 We make him think th... that we're not here. 960 00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:06,343 We disappear. We just gotta figure out where to go. 961 00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:08,387 Man, this is where Natasha would come in handy, 962 00:39:08,388 --> 00:39:10,014 'cause she would know exactly where we should go. 963 00:39:10,015 --> 00:39:11,682 - And who the hell is Natasha? - She handles... 964 00:39:11,683 --> 00:39:14,351 She's Kevin's Airbnb consultant. 965 00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:15,978 - This is getting ridiculous. - Oh, my God. 966 00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:17,521 I know exactly where we can go 967 00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:19,149 where no one would ever search for us. 968 00:39:20,567 --> 00:39:24,320 Who's in? 969 00:39:24,321 --> 00:39:26,072 Okay, make yourself at home. 970 00:39:26,073 --> 00:39:27,823 Uh, do you guys want anything to drink? 971 00:39:27,824 --> 00:39:29,158 Kombucha, coffee, tea? 972 00:39:29,159 --> 00:39:31,327 Yes, yes, kombucha would be great. 973 00:39:31,328 --> 00:39:32,578 I don't have it. You called my bluff. 974 00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:34,288 I don't have kombucha. I'm sorry. 975 00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:35,956 - No, water would be brilliant. - Water is gonna be great. 976 00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,249 - Thank you, Andre. - Fantastic. 977 00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:38,667 And you? You want some water? 978 00:39:38,668 --> 00:39:40,127 I'm not putting my mouth on a cup of this house. 979 00:39:40,128 --> 00:39:41,545 Nice, nice. 980 00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:44,924 Jesus Christ, you actually live here? 981 00:39:44,925 --> 00:39:46,926 [Andre] Yeah, my little slice of heaven. 982 00:39:46,927 --> 00:39:49,386 Ugh. [Andre] What was that? 983 00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:51,138 - I said, ugh. - I love it. 984 00:39:51,139 --> 00:39:53,933 It's actually really charming. [Andre] Thank you. 985 00:39:53,934 --> 00:39:55,351 You know, my mom and I are kind of always 986 00:39:55,352 --> 00:39:56,769 messing with the motif in here. 987 00:39:56,770 --> 00:39:58,562 Went through a huge Southwestern phase. 988 00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:00,314 So much turquoise. 989 00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:01,565 [Andre and Jordan laugh] 990 00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:03,192 So your mom helped you decorate? 991 00:40:03,193 --> 00:40:05,277 Oh, yeah, big-time. She's my roommate. 992 00:40:05,278 --> 00:40:06,862 [Kevin scoffs] 993 00:40:06,863 --> 00:40:08,823 - She's right there. - You gotta be shitting me. 994 00:40:08,824 --> 00:40:10,324 No, no, no, don't be afraid. 995 00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:11,909 Don't be afraid. Watch this. 996 00:40:11,910 --> 00:40:13,119 You want to meet her? [Kevin] No, I don't have to. 997 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,703 Here we go. Mom, you're okay? 998 00:40:14,704 --> 00:40:16,665 Your mouth was open real wide. [Kevin] Oh, my God. 999 00:40:18,708 --> 00:40:21,252 - Oh, my. Oh, my. - Don't charge me. 1000 00:40:21,253 --> 00:40:23,420 Oh, my God. [Andre] Fix your bra. 1001 00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:28,217 It's... it's Kevin Hart, America's treasure. 1002 00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:29,802 It's a family... No, you don't have to... 1003 00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:31,220 Oh! 1004 00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:33,556 And... and Jordan King. 1005 00:40:33,557 --> 00:40:35,349 Or should I call you Wheezy? 1006 00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,184 [laughs] No, that's just a role 1007 00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:39,186 I'm not paid nearly enough to play. 1008 00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:40,604 Uh, "Jordan" is fine. 1009 00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:42,565 [laughs] Come here. I gotta squeeze ya. 1010 00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:44,400 Come here. Oh! 1011 00:40:44,401 --> 00:40:47,153 You two gotta eat. We're gonna have a feast. 1012 00:40:47,154 --> 00:40:48,571 Andre, go to the freezer. 1013 00:40:48,572 --> 00:40:50,281 We're gonna defrost the Christmas pork chop. 1014 00:40:50,282 --> 00:40:52,324 We're doing the Christmas pork chops? 1015 00:40:52,325 --> 00:40:53,742 [Andre] We've been waiting for this for, like, six years. 1016 00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:55,578 I don't think we have that much time. 1017 00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:57,329 You don't have to do that. We don't want to steal your meat. 1018 00:40:57,330 --> 00:40:58,581 - We have plenty of time. - You gotta save that meat. 1019 00:40:58,582 --> 00:40:59,999 You're eating my meat. 1020 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,542 [Andre] Tell him, mom. Tell him! 1021 00:41:01,543 --> 00:41:03,002 - No, no, no, no. - You're gonna want my meat. 1022 00:41:03,003 --> 00:41:04,295 No, we don't want your meat. 1023 00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:05,671 People talk about it all the time. 1024 00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:07,256 - Well, we don't... - Did you hurt yourself? 1025 00:41:07,257 --> 00:41:08,507 [Kevin] This is not... - Did you know there was... 1026 00:41:08,508 --> 00:41:10,509 Ah, shit, woman! 1027 00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,595 Did you know there was blood there? 1028 00:41:12,596 --> 00:41:14,889 - Yeah... Ow, ow! - And up here? 1029 00:41:14,890 --> 00:41:17,141 - Stop. - God, you are Kevin Hart. 1030 00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:19,643 You can't walk around with bloody clothes on. 1031 00:41:19,644 --> 00:41:21,937 You're too sophisticated. Take your shirt off. 1032 00:41:21,938 --> 00:41:23,314 - Come on, I'm gonna wash it. - That's alright. 1033 00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:25,024 I'm already doing a bloody load. 1034 00:41:25,025 --> 00:41:26,734 Come on, take it off. Come on. 1035 00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:28,068 [Andre] Take it off, Kevin. What are we doing? 1036 00:41:28,069 --> 00:41:29,695 Yeah. [Andre] Come on. 1037 00:41:29,696 --> 00:41:30,988 [Jordan] So nice of you. - Somebody's got a cute tummy. 1038 00:41:30,989 --> 00:41:32,615 [Andre laughs] 1039 00:41:32,616 --> 00:41:34,200 [Kevin] Come on, that's a lie. - Mom, look at him. 1040 00:41:34,201 --> 00:41:35,492 Remember, I was telling you about his belly button? 1041 00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:36,702 It's right there, mom. You got it. 1042 00:41:36,703 --> 00:41:38,204 Take my chance. [blows raspberry] 1043 00:41:38,205 --> 00:41:40,331 Oh, god. Let me just... Please, let me get it. 1044 00:41:40,332 --> 00:41:42,249 Stop it, please. [Cynthia] Oh my goodness. 1045 00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,251 [Kevin] Thank you. You got... - Oh, that's... 1046 00:41:44,252 --> 00:41:46,503 - You gotta be kidding me. - Well, that hit my eyes. 1047 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,756 That is... that is... 1048 00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:50,633 - That's a man right there. - Yeah, we were filming. 1049 00:41:50,634 --> 00:41:52,259 [Cynthia] That is good. - We're doing an improv action... 1050 00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:53,928 I can't believe he's in our house. I love you so much. 1051 00:41:53,929 --> 00:41:56,009 [Kevin] ...movie where basically all of the action... 1052 00:41:58,058 --> 00:42:00,309 - Such nice people. - Nice people? 1053 00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:02,186 - Who? - You're so mean. 1054 00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:04,438 How can you be mean to this guy? Look at him. 1055 00:42:04,439 --> 00:42:08,901 He might be the nicest, sweetest person I've ever encountered. 1056 00:42:08,902 --> 00:42:11,528 How could you fire him? 1057 00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:12,988 You want me to start at the beginning? I don't know. 1058 00:42:12,989 --> 00:42:15,491 Maybe because he doesn't respect boundaries. 1059 00:42:15,492 --> 00:42:18,911 - He cares about you. - Oh, you just stop it. 1060 00:42:18,912 --> 00:42:21,164 The man clipped my goddamn toenails one time... 1061 00:42:22,624 --> 00:42:25,502 while I was in bed... with a woman. 1062 00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:30,506 Exactly. Struggling, by the way, to perform. 1063 00:42:30,507 --> 00:42:33,384 Had a lot on my mind, a lot on my mind. 1064 00:42:33,385 --> 00:42:35,219 Brown gummy worm was in full effect. 1065 00:42:35,220 --> 00:42:36,971 - I don't want to know this. - Loose noodle. 1066 00:42:36,972 --> 00:42:38,514 Call it what you want. I looked down. 1067 00:42:38,515 --> 00:42:40,724 I see his face looking up at me. Now I got no shot. 1068 00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:43,352 Okay, thank you for the context. 1069 00:42:43,353 --> 00:42:45,604 Just giving you... giving you a play-by-play. 1070 00:42:45,605 --> 00:42:50,609 But listen, when I go to set, it's me acting, right? 1071 00:42:50,610 --> 00:42:55,823 But to get there, I've got reps, my dialect coach, my assistant. 1072 00:42:55,824 --> 00:42:57,449 And then there's personal trainer, 1073 00:42:57,450 --> 00:43:00,828 hair stylists, makeup artists. The... the list goes on. 1074 00:43:00,829 --> 00:43:04,331 And then there's family and friends who have supported me 1075 00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:06,750 and sacrificed for me. 1076 00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:08,335 I'm sorry. I got lost in what you were saying 1077 00:43:08,336 --> 00:43:09,878 'cause I felt it was bullshit. 1078 00:43:09,879 --> 00:43:12,506 You have that, too, Kevin, and then some, okay? 1079 00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:13,924 It's why you're a star. 1080 00:43:13,925 --> 00:43:15,467 No, that's not true. 1081 00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:19,221 I'm a star because I made myself a star with this. 1082 00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:22,641 Sure, yeah, that's the story you keep telling yourself, 1083 00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:24,143 but you had help. 1084 00:43:24,144 --> 00:43:26,228 Okay. 1085 00:43:26,229 --> 00:43:27,980 Hey, how are you guys doing? 1086 00:43:27,981 --> 00:43:29,940 [laughs] The pork chops are smelling 1087 00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:32,192 so much like shrimp right now, it's amazing. 1088 00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:33,569 I got you a shirt, my man. 1089 00:43:33,570 --> 00:43:35,863 I think it'll fit perfectly, okay? 1090 00:43:35,864 --> 00:43:37,531 Do you see it? [Kevin] Nice. 1091 00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:39,158 [Andre] Yeah, I made that myself. 1092 00:43:39,159 --> 00:43:41,369 Okay, thank you for that. 1093 00:43:43,246 --> 00:43:45,998 Ah, I wanted to ask you earlier, but I didn't get a chance to. 1094 00:43:45,999 --> 00:43:47,541 Who's... who's that? 1095 00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,001 - This one? - Yeah. 1096 00:43:49,002 --> 00:43:51,546 That's my dad. He's been gone a long time. 1097 00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:54,465 - Really? - Yeah. 1098 00:43:54,466 --> 00:43:56,216 Same. 1099 00:43:56,217 --> 00:43:57,551 Hey, you know, my mom raised me. 1100 00:43:57,552 --> 00:43:59,470 I know. 1101 00:43:59,471 --> 00:44:02,014 Did your dad, uh, get a little afraid 1102 00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:03,849 of parenthood and run off? 1103 00:44:03,850 --> 00:44:05,225 It wasn't anything like that, actually. 1104 00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,311 He was amazing. He was kind. 1105 00:44:07,312 --> 00:44:08,771 Uh, he was gentle. 1106 00:44:08,772 --> 00:44:11,523 By the way, Richard Pryor's assistant. 1107 00:44:11,524 --> 00:44:13,275 Your dad is Rich... 1108 00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:14,568 I guess you could say assisting 1109 00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:15,903 just runs in the family, right? 1110 00:44:15,904 --> 00:44:17,696 Wow. That's legendary, man. 1111 00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:19,281 - It is, right? - That's huge. 1112 00:44:19,282 --> 00:44:21,992 It's huge, until it killed him. 1113 00:44:21,993 --> 00:44:23,869 What do you mean? 1114 00:44:23,870 --> 00:44:28,082 It's a big show, and crazy fan got through security. 1115 00:44:28,083 --> 00:44:31,210 So my dad jumped in the way of a knife 1116 00:44:31,211 --> 00:44:32,711 that was meant for Richard Pryor. 1117 00:44:32,712 --> 00:44:34,630 [Kevin] You're playing. [Andre] No. 1118 00:44:34,631 --> 00:44:36,090 - Cut him from the stomach... - What? 1119 00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:37,508 Right up, back down. 1120 00:44:37,509 --> 00:44:39,009 - What? - Killed my dad on the spot. 1121 00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:41,011 Oh, my God, man. 1122 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,805 I can't. I can't process that. 1123 00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:44,807 Neither could I. It was enormous for our whole family. 1124 00:44:44,808 --> 00:44:47,519 Why would somebody want to kill Richard Pryor? 1125 00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:50,729 Huh? 1126 00:44:50,730 --> 00:44:53,315 Who? [Andre] Well, yeah, why? 1127 00:44:53,316 --> 00:44:55,317 That's crazy, right? 1128 00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:56,944 Yeah. I bet, by the way... 1129 00:44:56,945 --> 00:44:58,946 I bet my dad, when he was dying, was looking up 1130 00:44:58,947 --> 00:45:01,281 and was like, Why would you do this, or something like that. 1131 00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:03,367 - Has to be, right? - Maybe, maybe. Maybe not. 1132 00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:04,993 I mean, at that point, that's not what's important. 1133 00:45:04,994 --> 00:45:06,203 Somebody tried to kill Richard. 1134 00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:07,579 Right, my dad was already dead. 1135 00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:08,956 The thing we gotta worry about is... 1136 00:45:08,957 --> 00:45:10,249 - Who is this guy? - God's gonna do... 1137 00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:11,583 Are there more of 'em? Yeah. 1138 00:45:11,584 --> 00:45:13,293 - Okay? You can't rewrite that. - No. 1139 00:45:13,294 --> 00:45:14,837 No, we can't. I tried to. 1140 00:45:14,838 --> 00:45:16,547 God, I've been to so much therapy 1141 00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:19,049 trying to rewrite that moment. What could I have done? 1142 00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:20,843 I was a child, but maybe I could have jumped in the way, 1143 00:45:20,844 --> 00:45:23,554 or something like that. Yeah. 1144 00:45:23,555 --> 00:45:25,514 On the bright side, though, if you think about it, 1145 00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:29,268 he died doing what he loved the most, assisting. 1146 00:45:29,269 --> 00:45:31,520 He was so happy that he brought joy 1147 00:45:31,521 --> 00:45:35,315 to someone who brought joy to so many people. 1148 00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:37,277 He taught me every single thing I knew. 1149 00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:42,865 You know, man, maybe... 1150 00:45:42,866 --> 00:45:45,534 Maybe I didn't mean to fire you. 1151 00:45:45,535 --> 00:45:49,455 I think your exact words were, I didn't need a stunt man. 1152 00:45:49,456 --> 00:45:51,832 I sure as hell don't need an assistant. 1153 00:45:51,833 --> 00:45:53,459 You said it to me. You yelled it. 1154 00:45:53,460 --> 00:45:56,712 And then you told me to get out of your car, right? 1155 00:45:56,713 --> 00:45:58,881 Oh, no, you're absolutely... You're... you're right. 1156 00:45:58,882 --> 00:46:01,133 But I'm just saying, now, looking back, 1157 00:46:01,134 --> 00:46:03,719 I'm saying, maybe I do... 1158 00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:07,806 Maybe I still do need an assistant. 1159 00:46:07,807 --> 00:46:09,767 Oh, God. Alright? 1160 00:46:11,227 --> 00:46:12,895 - I need you, too. - No... 1161 00:46:12,896 --> 00:46:15,439 - I need you, too. - Not the same. 1162 00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,900 - Oh, fuck. - Yeah. 1163 00:46:17,901 --> 00:46:19,902 I have never been this hard. 1164 00:46:19,903 --> 00:46:21,361 Alright, I'm gonna tell my mom. 1165 00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:23,530 Mom, you'll never believe it! 1166 00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,033 Congratulations. 1167 00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:28,995 Something else, huh? 1168 00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:32,624 [groans] 1169 00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,544 [Jordan] I'm proud of you. - Shut up. 1170 00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:40,255 You know, if you start treating everyone 1171 00:46:40,256 --> 00:46:42,382 in the Kevin Hart universe with that level of respect, 1172 00:46:42,383 --> 00:46:45,135 I think you'll be happy with your life. 1173 00:46:45,136 --> 00:46:47,012 You really are something else. 1174 00:46:47,013 --> 00:46:48,931 I mean, you paint me out to be such a monster. 1175 00:46:48,932 --> 00:46:52,684 Name one other person that I have disrespected, just one. 1176 00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:54,145 Give me one. 1177 00:46:56,022 --> 00:46:57,857 I can absolutely name someone. 1178 00:47:01,945 --> 00:47:03,362 [Kevin] Hey, Jordan. - Yeah, hi. 1179 00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:04,863 I just looked at the call sheet. 1180 00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,240 I didn't see your stunt double on there. 1181 00:47:06,241 --> 00:47:08,659 - Oh, I sent her home. - Why? 1182 00:47:08,660 --> 00:47:10,911 Well, I grew up on motorcycles, and it's a simple one today. 1183 00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:12,454 I just have to drive through the glass 1184 00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:13,872 of a dry-cleaning business before it explodes. 1185 00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:15,832 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1186 00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:19,002 Simple for who? Who? Who's it simple for, you? 1187 00:47:19,003 --> 00:47:20,963 Well, that's what you have Doug for? 1188 00:47:20,964 --> 00:47:22,422 Do you know what this would look like if you go 1189 00:47:22,423 --> 00:47:24,466 do all your own stunts and I don't do mine? 1190 00:47:24,467 --> 00:47:26,385 Do you know what people will think of me? 1191 00:47:26,386 --> 00:47:28,303 Uh, they'll think you're an actor? 1192 00:47:28,304 --> 00:47:29,846 And listen, I'm not jumping off the cliff. 1193 00:47:29,847 --> 00:47:31,306 I'm not jumping out of a plane, 1194 00:47:31,307 --> 00:47:32,724 and I ain't fighting no alligator for anyone. 1195 00:47:32,725 --> 00:47:34,351 You don't think I can do my own stunts. 1196 00:47:34,352 --> 00:47:35,978 You don't think I'm tough enough? 1197 00:47:35,979 --> 00:47:38,689 That's what Doug is for, for exactly this thing. 1198 00:47:38,690 --> 00:47:40,649 You think I need Doug? 1199 00:47:40,650 --> 00:47:42,401 Absolutely. 1200 00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:43,944 Maybe I don't. 1201 00:47:43,945 --> 00:47:45,613 Maybe I don't need Doug. 1202 00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:48,783 I think he just heard you. 1203 00:47:52,287 --> 00:47:54,454 Hey, Doug. 1204 00:47:54,455 --> 00:47:56,040 I'm gonna go talk to Doug. 1205 00:47:57,584 --> 00:47:58,792 Kevin. 1206 00:47:58,793 --> 00:48:02,421 [Kevin] Hey, there he is, my guy. 1207 00:48:02,422 --> 00:48:04,339 Ooh, ooh, ooh! 1208 00:48:04,340 --> 00:48:07,718 [laughs] You ain't gonna believe this shit. 1209 00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:09,303 I'm talking to Jordan. 1210 00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:11,305 I just found out Jordan sent her stunt double home. 1211 00:48:11,306 --> 00:48:12,723 You know what she trying to do. 1212 00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:14,433 You know exactly what she trying to do. 1213 00:48:14,434 --> 00:48:16,351 She trying to show me up, and I'm not gonna have that. 1214 00:48:16,352 --> 00:48:19,062 I can't have that. I'm Kevin Hart, right? 1215 00:48:19,063 --> 00:48:21,231 [laughs] 1216 00:48:21,232 --> 00:48:23,233 So, here's the thing, right? 1217 00:48:23,234 --> 00:48:25,068 Let's get into this relationship 1218 00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,570 'cause it's one of the best that I've ever had. 1219 00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:28,238 How long you been with me, man? 1220 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,656 Damn, that long, huh? 1221 00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,533 It's been a long time. 1222 00:48:31,534 --> 00:48:32,909 I know you gonna be fine, 1223 00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,453 and it's time for you to fly, right? 1224 00:48:34,454 --> 00:48:38,040 So with that being said, uh, we're done. 1225 00:48:38,041 --> 00:48:40,042 I... I'm gonna go ahead and... 1226 00:48:40,043 --> 00:48:43,128 Is "fired" the word, I guess? I guess it is "fired." 1227 00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:45,047 So I'mma fire you, but in a, 1228 00:48:45,048 --> 00:48:48,091 but in a dope way to where we still cool. 1229 00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,927 I... I'm gonna go on and get ready. 1230 00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:53,180 My guy! 1231 00:48:53,181 --> 00:48:55,557 - It's stunt time. - Kevin, this is a terrible... 1232 00:48:55,558 --> 00:48:57,476 [Kevin] It's stunt time! 1233 00:48:57,477 --> 00:48:59,353 [Jordan] Listen, I'm not trying to show you up. 1234 00:48:59,354 --> 00:49:01,521 [Kevin] Hey! Enough, Jordan. 1235 00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:04,901 It's all good, Mr. Action Star. 1236 00:49:08,571 --> 00:49:09,780 [glass breaks] 1237 00:49:09,781 --> 00:49:11,740 Now, you listen to me, alright? 1238 00:49:11,741 --> 00:49:13,700 I've been in this business for goddamn... 1239 00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:15,577 goddamn, how long? 1240 00:49:15,578 --> 00:49:17,245 How long? 1241 00:49:17,246 --> 00:49:19,373 You telling me that my goddamn reputation 1242 00:49:19,374 --> 00:49:21,500 doesn't speak for myself? 1243 00:49:21,501 --> 00:49:23,086 It fucking should! 1244 00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:27,130 When... when does Cap Four shoot? 1245 00:49:27,131 --> 00:49:29,299 Does Mackie have a guy? 1246 00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:30,884 He does. He gets it. 1247 00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:32,552 Everybody's got a fucking guy, huh? 1248 00:49:32,553 --> 00:49:36,098 What about Adam Driver? Now, you said he's billed. Huh? 1249 00:49:36,099 --> 00:49:38,016 Listen, I can do work for him. 1250 00:49:38,017 --> 00:49:41,103 I... I can be Adam's driver, right? 1251 00:49:41,104 --> 00:49:43,146 Yeah, no, listen, I'm serious about that. 1252 00:49:43,147 --> 00:49:45,899 I don't give a fuck. I'll drive. 1253 00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:49,611 I... I'll be Adam's driver driver driver if I have to. 1254 00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:52,531 God damn it Scott! Fuck you! 1255 00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:55,367 [crying] I've been in the goddamn business for years. 1256 00:49:55,368 --> 00:49:57,202 [sniffles] 1257 00:49:57,203 --> 00:49:59,747 [sobbing] 1258 00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:02,917 [ominous music] 1259 00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:32,446 [Kevin on TV] You know what? 1260 00:50:32,447 --> 00:50:34,448 This is my me time. I really enjoy working. 1261 00:50:34,449 --> 00:50:37,367 I find a lot of peace, happiness, 1262 00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:40,203 and, uh, solace in creating. 1263 00:50:40,204 --> 00:50:43,498 And now my creating is about putting other people 1264 00:50:43,499 --> 00:50:46,877 in positions to win, um, amplifying other careers 1265 00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:48,378 and opportunities, not just me. 1266 00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:50,797 So, hopefully, it continues to grow. 1267 00:50:50,798 --> 00:50:52,132 [Kevin] I can't believe that my stuntman 1268 00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:53,800 would do this to me. 1269 00:50:53,801 --> 00:50:55,302 Ex-stuntman. 1270 00:50:55,303 --> 00:50:58,180 No, I gotta do something about this... Oh. 1271 00:50:58,181 --> 00:50:59,514 Oh, whoa, whoa, Kevin. 1272 00:50:59,515 --> 00:51:01,933 Uh-oh. Oh, no. Let mom look at this. 1273 00:51:01,934 --> 00:51:03,310 Hold on. Oh. 1274 00:51:03,311 --> 00:51:04,811 Oh, we gotta change this dressing. 1275 00:51:04,812 --> 00:51:06,104 Take him to the bedroom. 1276 00:51:06,105 --> 00:51:07,522 - Prop him up. - Here we go. 1277 00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:08,940 - Get some wet towels. - Here we go. 1278 00:51:08,941 --> 00:51:10,400 Shouldn't he go to a hospital? 1279 00:51:10,401 --> 00:51:12,277 No. I'll get him back on track. 1280 00:51:12,278 --> 00:51:14,196 It's what I do. 1281 00:51:14,197 --> 00:51:15,781 Wait, you're a doctor? 1282 00:51:15,782 --> 00:51:17,616 [Cynthia] I'm better than a doctor. 1283 00:51:17,617 --> 00:51:19,743 I'm a mom. 1284 00:51:19,744 --> 00:51:21,328 Left, right, left, right. 1285 00:51:21,329 --> 00:51:23,497 [groans] 1286 00:51:23,498 --> 00:51:24,831 He's gonna be fine. 1287 00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:27,083 My mom is a miracle-worker. 1288 00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:28,835 How about you? Are you okay? 1289 00:51:28,836 --> 00:51:31,838 Uh... Well, not really. This is my problem, too. 1290 00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:34,633 Doug probably blames me for losing his job. 1291 00:51:34,634 --> 00:51:37,093 That's why he's put me in this deadly little game of his, 1292 00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:38,470 just for payback. 1293 00:51:38,471 --> 00:51:40,305 Yeah. Okay, that's fine, then. 1294 00:51:40,306 --> 00:51:41,932 When Kevin gets back to full health, 1295 00:51:41,933 --> 00:51:43,892 he will think of an incredible plan for all of us. 1296 00:51:43,893 --> 00:51:45,727 No, no, fuck that. We can't just sit here. 1297 00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:48,480 We need to do something. We need to get to the bottom of this. 1298 00:51:48,481 --> 00:51:50,273 Who is the person Kevin trusts the most? 1299 00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:51,942 - His agent. - Really? 1300 00:51:51,943 --> 00:51:53,860 Yeah. 1301 00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:55,529 Let's pay them a visit. 1302 00:51:55,530 --> 00:51:57,364 Right now? We can't go right now. 1303 00:51:57,365 --> 00:51:59,866 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jordan, we can't go right now. 1304 00:51:59,867 --> 00:52:01,284 [Andre] But what about this? What about this? 1305 00:52:01,285 --> 00:52:02,828 You're famous, Jordan. You get in there, 1306 00:52:02,829 --> 00:52:04,663 they're gonna recognize you. That's a problem. 1307 00:52:04,664 --> 00:52:07,791 Second is, Doug actually thinks that you're dead, right? 1308 00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:10,044 - You blew up. - Shit, you're right. 1309 00:52:11,754 --> 00:52:13,463 Oh, my God, I just thought of something amazing. 1310 00:52:13,464 --> 00:52:15,715 Thank me. Thank me now. 1311 00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:17,050 Let me hear it first? 1312 00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:18,468 Smart. That's a smart move, okay? 1313 00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:20,136 In the back, there's a disguise. 1314 00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:21,596 I always keep a spare disguise for Kevin in the back. 1315 00:52:21,597 --> 00:52:23,056 Grab that bag real quick. 1316 00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:25,809 - You have spare disguises? - Yes. 1317 00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:28,812 I mean, sometimes Kevin likes to live anonymously, right? 1318 00:52:28,813 --> 00:52:31,982 Whether he wants to go grocery shopping, feed the ducks, 1319 00:52:31,983 --> 00:52:33,568 heckle a stranger. 1320 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:39,072 [scoffs] Yeah, I'm not wearing this. 1321 00:52:39,073 --> 00:52:41,324 [Andre] Come on. Did you see all of them real quick? 1322 00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,118 Like this one right here, okay? This one right here... 1323 00:52:43,119 --> 00:52:44,911 - Andre, the road! - I'm doing it. 1324 00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:46,580 It's a hard left with my knees, baby. 1325 00:52:46,581 --> 00:52:48,290 Look at this. 1326 00:52:48,291 --> 00:52:50,751 [funky music] 1327 00:52:54,714 --> 00:52:57,340 This is so embarrassing. 1328 00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,342 We're lucky that you and Kevin are the same size, 1329 00:52:59,343 --> 00:53:01,011 you know what I mean? 1330 00:53:01,012 --> 00:53:03,221 Think about this as your greatest acting role to date. 1331 00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:05,224 You got this. You got this! 1332 00:53:08,102 --> 00:53:09,519 That's fantastic. Okay, and... 1333 00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,396 [taps] 1334 00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:15,525 Uh, we're here to see, ahem, Scott Hayman. 1335 00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:16,861 Okay. 1336 00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:20,989 And you are? 1337 00:53:20,990 --> 00:53:23,867 Ronald Mondolvia III! 1338 00:53:23,868 --> 00:53:25,785 A pleasure to meet you. 1339 00:53:25,786 --> 00:53:28,080 And this is the wickedly talented... 1340 00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,751 Bill. [clears throat] My name is Bill. 1341 00:53:33,836 --> 00:53:36,713 Bill Mondolvia. We're both Mondolvians. 1342 00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:40,425 This is my uncle on my mama's side. 1343 00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:43,137 Shit-fuck, can this man cook a goose. 1344 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:48,558 What was all that before? 1345 00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:50,268 Mondolvia... That's nobody's surname. 1346 00:53:50,269 --> 00:53:51,853 What do you expect, okay? 1347 00:53:51,854 --> 00:53:54,648 I couldn't concentrate. Your accent was fucking insane. 1348 00:53:54,649 --> 00:53:57,567 - My accent? - Yes. "Blah, blah, blah." 1349 00:53:57,568 --> 00:53:59,778 Okay, it wasn't great, but I mean... 1350 00:53:59,779 --> 00:54:01,404 - My accent? I nailed my accent. - It doesn't matter. 1351 00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:03,114 It doesn't matter, because there's no way 1352 00:54:03,115 --> 00:54:05,575 they're letting us go back to see Kevin's agent, okay? 1353 00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,077 They've probably already called security. 1354 00:54:07,078 --> 00:54:08,787 So if security comes, 1355 00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:11,081 we just pretend to be Ronald and Bill Mondolvia, 1356 00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:13,083 the very famous Instagram influencers 1357 00:54:13,084 --> 00:54:14,834 who make unboxing videos. 1358 00:54:14,835 --> 00:54:16,294 What is this? 1359 00:54:16,295 --> 00:54:17,796 We unbox it, and it's a smaller box, okay? 1360 00:54:17,797 --> 00:54:20,215 No, no, no. She's going to the loo. 1361 00:54:20,216 --> 00:54:22,008 I don't think that Bill would call it the loo. 1362 00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:23,510 I feel like he's more old-school. 1363 00:54:23,511 --> 00:54:25,388 I feel like she's about to take a shit. 1364 00:54:27,682 --> 00:54:29,016 [whispering] Play it cool. 1365 00:54:30,685 --> 00:54:32,478 Like and subscribe, please! 1366 00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:37,107 [whispering] Stop, stop, stop. Right there, right there. 1367 00:54:37,108 --> 00:54:39,067 Right there, that's Kevin's agent. 1368 00:54:39,068 --> 00:54:40,777 Who is he talking to? 1369 00:54:40,778 --> 00:54:42,737 [laughing] 1370 00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:44,906 How are you doing, man? 1371 00:54:44,907 --> 00:54:46,866 It's not Kevin. 1372 00:54:46,867 --> 00:54:49,828 [moaning] 1373 00:54:49,829 --> 00:54:51,538 [Cynthia shushes] 1374 00:54:51,539 --> 00:54:52,622 [water sloshing] 1375 00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:54,958 Try not to move. 1376 00:54:54,959 --> 00:54:57,085 Mr. Kevin Hart needs to regain his strength. 1377 00:54:57,086 --> 00:54:58,670 [Kevin moans] 1378 00:54:58,671 --> 00:55:04,509 As long as it takes, you'll be here in my house, 1379 00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:09,973 listening to my stories, eating my Christmas pork chops. 1380 00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:12,058 [Kevin moans] 1381 00:55:12,059 --> 00:55:13,936 [Cynthia shushes] 1382 00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:20,984 When my husband was wounded years ago, I couldn't save him, 1383 00:55:20,985 --> 00:55:24,112 but now I've got a second chance with you, 1384 00:55:24,113 --> 00:55:27,283 Kevin Hart, America's treasure. 1385 00:55:29,577 --> 00:55:31,202 Cynthia's treasure. 1386 00:55:31,203 --> 00:55:33,705 [ominous music] 1387 00:55:33,706 --> 00:55:35,331 [phone ringing] 1388 00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:36,458 [Cynthia on phone] Hello? 1389 00:55:36,459 --> 00:55:38,001 Mom, mom, put Kevin on. 1390 00:55:38,002 --> 00:55:39,669 [Cynthia on phone] I can't. He's sleeping. 1391 00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,296 [Andre] It's an emergency. Put him on right now, mom. 1392 00:55:41,297 --> 00:55:43,381 Come on, wake him up. 1393 00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,091 [Kevin on phone] Hello? 1394 00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:47,385 Are you here to rescue me? I think I've been poisoned. 1395 00:55:47,386 --> 00:55:49,220 Kevin, listen up very closely, okay? 1396 00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,764 We've just been on a deep-cover 1397 00:55:50,765 --> 00:55:52,432 reconnaissance mission, and we fucking nailed it. 1398 00:55:52,433 --> 00:55:54,392 [Jordan] Doug is you. You've been replaced by Doug. 1399 00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:56,770 [Kevin on phone] Wait, what? Replaced? I don't understand. 1400 00:55:56,771 --> 00:55:58,354 That's because my mommy just gave you 1401 00:55:58,355 --> 00:56:00,690 a very low-dose narcotic. Don't worry about it. 1402 00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:02,984 But when you come to, you have to understand 1403 00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:05,528 that Doug is trying to convince people that he's you. 1404 00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:07,363 He's fixed his teeth. He's changed his hair. 1405 00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:11,618 I mean, his mannerisms... Oh, my God, he's... he's you. 1406 00:56:11,619 --> 00:56:13,912 [Kevin on phone] Yeah, well, he can't fool my staff. 1407 00:56:13,913 --> 00:56:15,497 They'll know it's not me. 1408 00:56:15,498 --> 00:56:17,165 They're my village. 1409 00:56:17,166 --> 00:56:18,917 [people chanting "Kevin"] 1410 00:56:18,918 --> 00:56:22,420 You get a raise. You get a raise. 1411 00:56:22,421 --> 00:56:23,797 You get a raise. 1412 00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:26,382 That's right, everybody gets a raise, huh? 1413 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,551 You know why? 'Cause I'm Kevin. 1414 00:56:28,552 --> 00:56:30,595 I'm Kevin! 1415 00:56:30,596 --> 00:56:32,514 Sorry, Kevin is suddenly very tired. 1416 00:56:32,515 --> 00:56:34,099 He needs his rest. [Jordan] No, no, no, no. 1417 00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:35,433 [Andre on phone] Mom, no... [Cynthia] Bye. 1418 00:56:35,434 --> 00:56:36,768 [Kevin moans] 1419 00:56:36,769 --> 00:56:38,604 [Cynthia shushes] 1420 00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:43,733 If Kevin wants to get through to Doug, 1421 00:56:43,734 --> 00:56:48,279 there's only one man he can talk to, Mr. 206. 1422 00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:50,156 I don't... Who's... who's Mr. 206? 1423 00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:51,741 [Jordan] He's a pretty famous stuntman, 1424 00:56:51,742 --> 00:56:53,409 and he's Doug's mentor. 1425 00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:55,745 Okay. Okay, fine, then this is easy. 1426 00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:57,831 We just take Kevin to see Mr. 206. 1427 00:56:57,832 --> 00:56:59,666 [Jordan] We? Nope, no way. 1428 00:56:59,667 --> 00:57:02,627 I will not be going to see 206. 1429 00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:04,587 He is a complete psychopath. 1430 00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,172 He nearly killed me in a stunt rehearsal 1431 00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:07,841 and then tried to make me apologize. 1432 00:57:07,842 --> 00:57:09,551 Jordan, Jordan, Kevin needs you right now. 1433 00:57:09,552 --> 00:57:11,136 [Jordan] He needs me? - He does, right now. 1434 00:57:11,137 --> 00:57:12,929 [Jordan] Oh, I thought Kevin doesn't need anyone, 1435 00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:15,265 until he needs everyone. 1436 00:57:15,266 --> 00:57:18,893 Okay, fine, then I'll take him to see Mr. 206. 1437 00:57:18,894 --> 00:57:20,353 Why? This is Kevin's problem. 1438 00:57:20,354 --> 00:57:21,896 You should just let him go on his own. 1439 00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:24,899 No. As long as I'm Kevin's assistant... 1440 00:57:24,900 --> 00:57:26,234 [revs engine] 1441 00:57:26,235 --> 00:57:28,112 he'll never drive himself anywhere. 1442 00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:32,490 - It's in neutral. - I am so sorry. 1443 00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:34,784 We're slowing down. I was trying to go faster. 1444 00:57:34,785 --> 00:57:36,327 We did the opposite. 1445 00:57:36,328 --> 00:57:38,831 [birds chirping] 1446 00:57:49,508 --> 00:57:52,343 I am so happy my mom was able to nurse you back to health. 1447 00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:53,887 What did you just say to me? 1448 00:57:53,888 --> 00:57:56,347 The woman put drugs in my goddamn pork chop. 1449 00:57:56,348 --> 00:57:59,058 - She tried to poison me. - She's amazing, right? 1450 00:57:59,059 --> 00:58:01,853 Look at you now. Okay, come on, come on. 1451 00:58:01,854 --> 00:58:03,855 So tell me, why do they call him 206? 1452 00:58:03,856 --> 00:58:06,149 'Cause there's 206 bones in the human body. 1453 00:58:06,150 --> 00:58:08,067 They say, before he became a mentor in the stunt game, 1454 00:58:08,068 --> 00:58:09,444 that he broke every single one of 'em. 1455 00:58:09,445 --> 00:58:11,029 Actually, no, it was 205. 1456 00:58:11,030 --> 00:58:12,238 But then, on his last day of filming, 1457 00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:13,907 they say he broke the 206th one. 1458 00:58:13,908 --> 00:58:15,366 What? Which one was that? 1459 00:58:15,367 --> 00:58:17,035 Pinky toe, right foot, snapped. 1460 00:58:17,036 --> 00:58:18,369 Goddamn. 1461 00:58:18,370 --> 00:58:19,954 [knocking] 1462 00:58:19,955 --> 00:58:21,873 [creaking] 1463 00:58:21,874 --> 00:58:24,418 [Kevin] Uh, hello? 1464 00:58:26,462 --> 00:58:28,338 Uh, 206? 1465 00:58:28,339 --> 00:58:30,924 Hey, M... Mr. Two Hundred And Six? 1466 00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:33,343 - It's 2-0-6. - Right. 1467 00:58:33,344 --> 00:58:36,429 [Mr. 206] Sign says no soliciting. Go away. 1468 00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,848 Yeah, no, we... we didn't see a sign. There's no sign. 1469 00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:40,266 [Mr. 206] Who took my fucking sign? 1470 00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:41,643 We didn't take it. 1471 00:58:41,644 --> 00:58:43,519 Hey, either way, we're not here to solicit. 1472 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,189 We... we're not selling anything. 1473 00:58:46,190 --> 00:58:48,149 You don't even recognize my voice. [laughs] 1474 00:58:48,150 --> 00:58:49,859 You know who's at the door right now? 1475 00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:53,071 This is Kevin Hart, comedian, actor. 1476 00:58:53,072 --> 00:58:57,992 I just told you... to go... 1477 00:58:57,993 --> 00:58:59,160 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 1478 00:58:59,161 --> 00:59:01,037 The fuck away! 1479 00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:03,373 Hey! Shit! 1480 00:59:03,374 --> 00:59:05,792 Come on, baby, it's me. 1481 00:59:05,793 --> 00:59:07,503 - It's me. - It's Kevin Hart. 1482 00:59:10,256 --> 00:59:11,506 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't 1483 00:59:11,507 --> 00:59:13,341 kill the both of you right now. 1484 00:59:13,342 --> 00:59:14,968 Kevin's about to have a movie that's gonna get him an Oscar. 1485 00:59:14,969 --> 00:59:17,887 [Kevin] Well, okay. Wait, wait, wait. Your protege. 1486 00:59:17,888 --> 00:59:19,764 We're here because of your protege, Doug Eubanks. 1487 00:59:19,765 --> 00:59:21,391 What about him? 1488 00:59:21,392 --> 00:59:24,394 Well, we... we're here 'cause he's losing his shit. 1489 00:59:24,395 --> 00:59:26,104 Yeah, no, he's absolute... 1490 00:59:26,105 --> 00:59:28,731 That's not true, 'cause you don't deserve a lie. 1491 00:59:28,732 --> 00:59:30,108 I'm not here to lie to you. 1492 00:59:30,109 --> 00:59:31,694 I'm gonna be honest with you, man. 1493 00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:34,821 I screwed him over. 1494 00:59:34,822 --> 00:59:36,406 I screwed him over, and I'm here because 1495 00:59:36,407 --> 00:59:37,740 I want to make things right, and I can't do that 1496 00:59:37,741 --> 00:59:40,035 without you, Mr. 206. 1497 00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:49,335 Well, how do you like your tea? 1498 00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:51,212 Huh? 1499 00:59:51,213 --> 00:59:53,716 [mystical music] 1500 01:00:05,436 --> 01:00:06,978 Do I make you uncomfortable? 1501 01:00:06,979 --> 01:00:08,980 No. I... I'm just so nervous for you, sir, 1502 01:00:08,981 --> 01:00:11,232 because you got really hot tea, and it's just 1503 01:00:11,233 --> 01:00:13,985 right above your balls, so... 1504 01:00:13,986 --> 01:00:17,530 What are you doing? What are you... 1505 01:00:17,531 --> 01:00:18,823 [pours tea] 1506 01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:20,366 [Andre] Oh, my God, what the fuck? 1507 01:00:20,367 --> 01:00:21,826 [Kevin] Oh, man, come on. - What the fuck? 1508 01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:23,036 Come, on man. 1509 01:00:23,037 --> 01:00:24,454 The ancient Babylonians believed 1510 01:00:24,455 --> 01:00:26,415 that undergarments were a sign of weakness. 1511 01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:30,085 I tend to agree. 1512 01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:32,463 I respect that. 1513 01:00:33,839 --> 01:00:35,673 I respect that. 1514 01:00:35,674 --> 01:00:38,092 I just... 1515 01:00:38,093 --> 01:00:39,553 [clears throat] 1516 01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:44,015 I just want to, I wanna thank you 1517 01:00:44,016 --> 01:00:45,683 for taking the time, 'cause I know you didn't... 1518 01:00:45,684 --> 01:00:47,977 Cut the compliments. Tell me why you're here. 1519 01:00:47,978 --> 01:00:53,399 I, um, I know you're Doug's mentor, right? 1520 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:54,984 If there's anyone who knows how he operates, 1521 01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,528 how he thinks, it's... 1522 01:00:57,529 --> 01:00:59,031 I need your help. 1523 01:01:04,787 --> 01:01:06,330 Watch your eye. Watch your eye. 1524 01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:12,628 Let's walk. 1525 01:01:14,755 --> 01:01:16,955 Doug Eubanks is more than just a former student of mine. 1526 01:01:18,175 --> 01:01:20,469 He's my friend, my confidant. 1527 01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:23,806 Briefly, in 2003, he was my lover. 1528 01:01:25,516 --> 01:01:27,016 Doug is the most fearless stunt performer 1529 01:01:27,017 --> 01:01:29,310 that I've ever trained. 1530 01:01:29,311 --> 01:01:31,604 One time, he asked me to stab him with an ice pick 1531 01:01:31,605 --> 01:01:33,231 'cause he needed to know how it felt so he could 1532 01:01:33,232 --> 01:01:34,899 replicate that reaction when the cameras are rolling. 1533 01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:37,443 - Did you do it? - With pleasure. 1534 01:01:37,444 --> 01:01:39,821 As a stuntman, you embrace pain, 1535 01:01:39,822 --> 01:01:41,406 lay your life on the line for your actor 1536 01:01:41,407 --> 01:01:42,824 every day you step on set. 1537 01:01:42,825 --> 01:01:46,035 And occasionally, an actor says thanks. 1538 01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:48,162 Sometimes they don't say thanks. 1539 01:01:48,163 --> 01:01:49,872 Sometimes they just fire you without warning 'cause 1540 01:01:49,873 --> 01:01:51,666 all of a sudden they think they're John fucking Rambo, 1541 01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:54,293 but they're nothing but a little bitch with a giant ego. 1542 01:01:54,294 --> 01:01:56,254 Yeah, yeah. So, hey, are you gonna talk to him for me? 1543 01:01:56,255 --> 01:01:58,047 [laughs] 1544 01:01:58,048 --> 01:01:59,508 Actors talk. 1545 01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:02,678 Stuntmen... stunt. 1546 01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:07,683 You're gonna have to fight Doug, and you're gonna lose. 1547 01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:10,852 Well, shit, then why are you... 1548 01:02:10,853 --> 01:02:12,228 Why are you even talking to me, then? 1549 01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:13,521 Only reason I'm talking to you 1550 01:02:13,522 --> 01:02:15,398 is 'cause every person is trapped 1551 01:02:15,399 --> 01:02:17,358 in a story of their own design, and I know the exact story 1552 01:02:17,359 --> 01:02:18,693 you're trapped in. 1553 01:02:18,694 --> 01:02:19,986 Yeah, it's a revenge story. 1554 01:02:19,987 --> 01:02:21,404 It's not revenge. 1555 01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,281 It's redemption. 1556 01:02:23,282 --> 01:02:25,075 No, I'm pretty sure it's revenge. 1557 01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:27,870 What do you really want? 1558 01:02:29,621 --> 01:02:31,622 I want my life back. I want to defeat Doug. 1559 01:02:31,623 --> 01:02:34,083 Defeat Doug? Doug's the enemy. 1560 01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:36,294 Doug's the bad guy? You're the good guy? 1561 01:02:36,295 --> 01:02:37,795 I just want to make sure I'm hearing this right. 1562 01:02:37,796 --> 01:02:40,798 Okay, maybe we're both bad guys. 1563 01:02:40,799 --> 01:02:42,301 No, Kevin. 1564 01:02:44,178 --> 01:02:45,679 You're both good guys. 1565 01:02:50,058 --> 01:02:51,517 Did you hear that? 1566 01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:53,645 Yeah, I'm trying to figure it out. 1567 01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,398 He fucked Doug. 1568 01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:59,525 I didn't hear that. What? 1569 01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:00,985 He fucked Doug. 1570 01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,778 I didn't catch that. I was... 1571 01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:04,197 Right at the top, he said it. Right over there, he said... 1572 01:03:04,198 --> 01:03:06,032 No. I saw a ladybug. I gotta... 1573 01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:07,575 So that means he's kind of fucked you before. 1574 01:03:07,576 --> 01:03:09,703 [Kevin] No, no. Wait a minute, no, he hasn't. 1575 01:03:13,081 --> 01:03:15,751 This is my dojo. 1576 01:03:18,253 --> 01:03:19,670 Well, it kind of looks like a bunch of trees 1577 01:03:19,671 --> 01:03:21,589 if you ask me, but alright. 1578 01:03:21,590 --> 01:03:24,383 - Goodness gracious. - Excuse me. 1579 01:03:24,384 --> 01:03:25,927 - Sorry. - Coming through. 1580 01:03:25,928 --> 01:03:28,304 - Yep. Yep. Sorry. - Coming through. 1581 01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:29,722 You've really gotta share the trail, guys. 1582 01:03:29,723 --> 01:03:31,349 - It's our fault. - Sorry. 1583 01:03:31,350 --> 01:03:32,808 We didn't even know it was a trail, to be honest. 1584 01:03:32,809 --> 01:03:35,353 I had no idea. 1585 01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:38,231 So this is where you're gonna train me to face Doug, huh? 1586 01:03:38,232 --> 01:03:40,066 Let me explain something to you. 1587 01:03:40,067 --> 01:03:43,402 Stuntman's Creed, be thy actor. 1588 01:03:43,403 --> 01:03:46,280 Every role you ever trained for, Doug trained harder. 1589 01:03:46,281 --> 01:03:48,157 Every martial art you supposedly learn, 1590 01:03:48,158 --> 01:03:49,825 Doug learned it for real. 1591 01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:52,036 He had to, 'cause when the cameras were rolling, 1592 01:03:52,037 --> 01:03:54,497 it was his ass on the line, not yours, sitting 1593 01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:56,457 in video village, sipping lattes, 1594 01:03:56,458 --> 01:03:58,042 eating sushi off of nude models. 1595 01:03:58,043 --> 01:04:00,378 Hey. First of all, I got a bad case of pinkeye. 1596 01:04:00,379 --> 01:04:02,088 I learned my lesson. 1597 01:04:02,089 --> 01:04:03,589 Hasn't happened since. 1598 01:04:03,590 --> 01:04:05,466 You never appreciated Doug. 1599 01:04:05,467 --> 01:04:06,718 Actors never do. 1600 01:04:07,803 --> 01:04:09,470 Anyway, I recently learned that 1601 01:04:09,471 --> 01:04:11,711 there's a lot of people that I may have underappreciated. 1602 01:04:13,267 --> 01:04:15,184 [Mr. 206] Good, Kevin. 1603 01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:17,395 That's growth. 1604 01:04:17,396 --> 01:04:19,981 - See that branch up there? - Yeah. 1605 01:04:19,982 --> 01:04:21,607 Climb that tree, crawl out to that branch, 1606 01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:23,234 and give me a dead drop to the ground. 1607 01:04:23,235 --> 01:04:25,695 [mystical music] 1608 01:04:25,696 --> 01:04:28,114 Uh, how am I supposed to... 1609 01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:30,157 You want to know how Doug thinks? 1610 01:04:30,158 --> 01:04:31,492 You want to know how he operates? 1611 01:04:31,493 --> 01:04:33,744 You must see the world as he sees it, 1612 01:04:33,745 --> 01:04:35,789 without fear, without hesitation. 1613 01:04:39,501 --> 01:04:40,710 I'm a little scared, though. 1614 01:04:40,711 --> 01:04:42,336 I'm just gonna throw that out there. 1615 01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:44,547 - It's not like I'm... - I volunteer as tribute. 1616 01:04:44,548 --> 01:04:47,341 Damn right you do. 1617 01:04:47,342 --> 01:04:49,176 This is Kevin's journey. That's his dead-drop branch. 1618 01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:50,636 No, that's what you don't understand. 1619 01:04:50,637 --> 01:04:52,555 You know why? Because what's Kevin's is mine. 1620 01:04:52,556 --> 01:04:53,723 - Well... - Well, right. 1621 01:04:53,724 --> 01:04:55,016 I mean, not your material wealth. 1622 01:04:55,017 --> 01:04:56,225 - Of course, or your income. - No. 1623 01:04:56,226 --> 01:04:57,768 - Or your success. - No. 1624 01:04:57,769 --> 01:04:59,103 Or your rare collection of cars, which are amazing. 1625 01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:00,438 - No. - Right, none of that. 1626 01:05:00,439 --> 01:05:03,733 But his pain, his anguish... 1627 01:05:03,734 --> 01:05:05,693 Basically, anything that's bad, anything that's bad... 1628 01:05:05,694 --> 01:05:07,696 that's mine, too. That is my journey. 1629 01:05:11,533 --> 01:05:12,826 - What? - Brother. 1630 01:05:17,414 --> 01:05:19,248 Oh my gosh. 1631 01:05:19,249 --> 01:05:20,875 [coughing] 1632 01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:22,835 What's happening, guys? 1633 01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:24,253 Guys, this don't look good from the back. 1634 01:05:24,254 --> 01:05:25,672 What's going on? 1635 01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:28,841 [grunting] 1636 01:05:28,842 --> 01:05:31,261 [screaming] 1637 01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:40,686 Kevin, you can't compete with Doug... 1638 01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:43,815 but you clearly have the one thing he will never have. 1639 01:05:45,609 --> 01:05:47,485 You have a sidekick. 1640 01:05:47,486 --> 01:05:50,279 Andre? No, Andre is my... 1641 01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:51,989 Andre's like my... What would you call it? 1642 01:05:51,990 --> 01:05:53,491 [indistinct chatter] 1643 01:05:53,492 --> 01:05:54,909 No, no, no. No, no. 1644 01:05:54,910 --> 01:05:56,869 - I'm his... - Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no. 1645 01:05:56,870 --> 01:05:58,704 Andre's your what? I want you to say it. 1646 01:05:58,705 --> 01:06:00,206 Well, he was gonna say it, too. 1647 01:06:00,207 --> 01:06:01,832 No, no, he's right there. Andre's your what? 1648 01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,209 You don't have to do this, man. 1649 01:06:03,210 --> 01:06:04,502 He's your what? 1650 01:06:04,503 --> 01:06:05,878 Well, he's my assistant, my assistant. 1651 01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:07,922 [gibbers] He's your... 1652 01:06:07,923 --> 01:06:09,215 - He's... - Say it. 1653 01:06:09,216 --> 01:06:10,758 Andre's my... He's my sidekick. 1654 01:06:10,759 --> 01:06:12,718 - Say it. - He's... Andre's my sidekick. 1655 01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,136 [Mr. 206] Say it. [Kevin] He's my sidekick. 1656 01:06:14,137 --> 01:06:15,471 [Mr. 206] Yeah, I need you to say it. 1657 01:06:15,472 --> 01:06:17,181 Okay. Andre... Andre is my sidekick. 1658 01:06:17,182 --> 01:06:18,516 God damn it, Kevin, I need you to 1659 01:06:18,517 --> 01:06:19,975 fucking say it! 1660 01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:21,310 And I need you to believe it 1661 01:06:21,311 --> 01:06:22,812 deep down in your fucking bones. 1662 01:06:22,813 --> 01:06:26,190 Andre... Andre is my sidekick! 1663 01:06:26,191 --> 01:06:28,609 - Huh? - I said, Andre is my sidekick! 1664 01:06:28,610 --> 01:06:30,027 Who's your sidekick? 1665 01:06:30,028 --> 01:06:31,696 I said, Andre is my sidekick! 1666 01:06:31,697 --> 01:06:35,574 [Andre] I'm your sidekick! - Andre is my si... 1667 01:06:35,575 --> 01:06:38,536 I'm your sidekick! 1668 01:06:38,537 --> 01:06:40,579 What's happening to me, man? 1669 01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:42,832 [Mr. 206] It's growth, Kevin. 1670 01:06:42,833 --> 01:06:45,126 Growth hurts. 1671 01:06:45,127 --> 01:06:47,879 That's a pain that no double can take for you. 1672 01:06:50,048 --> 01:06:54,344 You see, Kevin, you came here seeking a mentor, but it's you. 1673 01:06:55,971 --> 01:06:57,347 You are the mentor. 1674 01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,434 Hell yeah. 1675 01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:04,937 [Mr. 206] You know what? You know what? 1676 01:07:04,938 --> 01:07:07,774 You two... take this moment, talk. 1677 01:07:08,942 --> 01:07:10,360 Talk over your new bond. 1678 01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:14,364 I'm gonna go get my tea. 1679 01:07:17,868 --> 01:07:19,618 [Andre] What a fucking day. 1680 01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:22,413 [laughs] I mean, now that I'm essentially, 1681 01:07:22,414 --> 01:07:24,165 I've been deputized as your sidekick, 1682 01:07:24,166 --> 01:07:26,375 I have an idea for Doug. We could work together on this. 1683 01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:27,960 We gotta get close to him, okay? 1684 01:07:27,961 --> 01:07:29,920 We don't have to record him or anything like... 1685 01:07:29,921 --> 01:07:31,464 What's wrong? What's wrong? 1686 01:07:31,465 --> 01:07:32,840 [ominous music] 1687 01:07:32,841 --> 01:07:34,383 That scar on his hand. 1688 01:07:34,384 --> 01:07:36,594 Yeah? 1689 01:07:36,595 --> 01:07:38,512 I think I recognize that scar. 1690 01:07:38,513 --> 01:07:40,098 [door opens] 1691 01:07:50,692 --> 01:07:52,485 [engine turns over] 1692 01:07:52,486 --> 01:07:54,988 [engine roars] 1693 01:08:04,164 --> 01:08:06,625 [upbeat music] 1694 01:08:13,131 --> 01:08:14,924 [phone ringing] 1695 01:08:14,925 --> 01:08:16,342 [Guard on intercom] We don't have any scheduled deliveries. 1696 01:08:16,343 --> 01:08:17,635 Please turn around. 1697 01:08:17,636 --> 01:08:19,428 Hey, pal, I got a hot date 1698 01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:22,640 with my old lady in 30 minutes, meatball sub night, 1699 01:08:22,641 --> 01:08:25,059 and all’s I knows is I got a package 1700 01:08:25,060 --> 01:08:27,311 from Debra Simon at the studio. 1701 01:08:27,312 --> 01:08:29,855 Now, I can either leave it here, or I can take it home, 1702 01:08:29,856 --> 01:08:31,983 but you gotta tell me what you want me to do. 1703 01:08:34,486 --> 01:08:36,070 [Guard on intercom] Go ahead. 1704 01:08:36,071 --> 01:08:38,949 That's what I thought. I'll see you in a bit. Up, up! 1705 01:08:40,951 --> 01:08:42,660 Okay. 1706 01:08:42,661 --> 01:08:47,957 Hey, Ronald Mondolvia, Mondolvia Plumbing, license and bonded. 1707 01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:49,625 You know, some guys are licensed, not bonded. 1708 01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:51,252 Other guys, they're bonded, not licensed. 1709 01:08:51,253 --> 01:08:53,546 Me, I'm both licensed and bonded. 1710 01:08:53,547 --> 01:08:55,047 Debra Simon sent a plumber? 1711 01:08:55,048 --> 01:08:57,299 Not a plumber, my man. The plumber. 1712 01:08:57,300 --> 01:08:59,176 I can plumb anything with pipes. Fuck it. 1713 01:08:59,177 --> 01:09:00,553 Sometimes I don't even need pipes. 1714 01:09:00,554 --> 01:09:02,429 One time I plumbed a manila envelope. 1715 01:09:02,430 --> 01:09:04,265 Water was spouting fucking everywhere. 1716 01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:05,683 - It was insane. - So what's in the van? 1717 01:09:05,684 --> 01:09:07,226 Oh, my God. 1718 01:09:07,227 --> 01:09:09,812 Hold on to your fucking beautiful, beautiful balls 1719 01:09:09,813 --> 01:09:11,272 because this, my man... 1720 01:09:11,273 --> 01:09:12,398 [knocks] 1721 01:09:12,399 --> 01:09:13,858 It's a commode. 1722 01:09:13,859 --> 01:09:16,485 Imported Italian marble, beautiful one-piece 1723 01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:18,320 construction, 12-speed bidet. 1724 01:09:18,321 --> 01:09:20,114 We got a little air fryer on the right. 1725 01:09:20,115 --> 01:09:21,907 You want to cook, eat, circle of life, shitting, 1726 01:09:21,908 --> 01:09:23,367 eating at the same time, there's only a couple 1727 01:09:23,368 --> 01:09:24,910 of these in the entire world. 1728 01:09:24,911 --> 01:09:26,203 This, my friend, probably one of the best 1729 01:09:26,204 --> 01:09:27,496 presents in the universe. 1730 01:09:27,497 --> 01:09:30,083 So can you, you know, eh? 1731 01:09:34,296 --> 01:09:36,715 [vocalizes] 1732 01:09:39,384 --> 01:09:40,926 You gonna help me fucking bring it in, or no? 1733 01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:42,845 Alright, fuck it, whatever. [Andre] Yeah, okay. 1734 01:09:42,846 --> 01:09:45,306 I'll supervise. Pick it up. 1735 01:09:45,307 --> 01:09:47,266 Use your back. 1736 01:09:47,267 --> 01:09:48,559 Whoa, big boy. Big boy coming through. 1737 01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:50,102 Big boy coming through. Big boy. 1738 01:09:50,103 --> 01:09:51,854 Okay, Andre has the guard's attention. 1739 01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:53,147 Okay. 1740 01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:54,815 You sure you're ready for this? 1741 01:09:54,816 --> 01:09:57,234 In our family, if an A-list actor is in trouble, 1742 01:09:57,235 --> 01:09:59,737 we don't stand quietly by. 1743 01:09:59,738 --> 01:10:02,407 We fight, and if we must, we die. 1744 01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:08,412 Wow, well, the world could use more people like... 1745 01:10:08,413 --> 01:10:09,788 Wait, what is your last name? 1746 01:10:09,789 --> 01:10:11,166 Oh, Mondolvia. 1747 01:10:15,921 --> 01:10:17,379 Where the hell does this thing go? 1748 01:10:17,380 --> 01:10:20,674 Oh, that is the million-dollar question, huh? 1749 01:10:20,675 --> 01:10:22,468 Let me think about this. 1750 01:10:22,469 --> 01:10:25,679 Well, you could powder-room it, show it off like a prize pony, 1751 01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:28,557 or you put it in the main bath. 1752 01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,559 Keep all that for yourself, hmm? 1753 01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,519 Now, there's a third option, alright? 1754 01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,356 Listen up closely 'cause this one's fucking insane. 1755 01:10:35,357 --> 01:10:37,775 You can put the commode right here, 1756 01:10:37,776 --> 01:10:40,110 smack dab in the middle of the living room, 1757 01:10:40,111 --> 01:10:42,988 and you take a big, greasy shit right here, 1758 01:10:42,989 --> 01:10:44,365 look everybody right in the eyes, 1759 01:10:44,366 --> 01:10:46,575 make them wonder what your deal is. 1760 01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,369 And I know what you're thinking, holy shit, 1761 01:10:48,370 --> 01:10:50,454 that's aggressive, right? 1762 01:10:50,455 --> 01:10:51,789 But they'll respect the shit out of you. 1763 01:10:51,790 --> 01:10:53,123 Wait a minute, don't I know you? 1764 01:10:53,124 --> 01:10:55,417 Don't you know? Don't you know? 1765 01:10:55,418 --> 01:10:57,211 [yells] Yeah, boop, boop, boop, boop. 1766 01:10:57,212 --> 01:10:59,129 Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what it is? 1767 01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:00,589 Isn't this the place you took a shit 1768 01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:01,840 so big up there that people thought there 1769 01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:03,425 was a dog loose in the pipes? 1770 01:11:03,426 --> 01:11:04,885 How the hell am I gonna take a shit... 1771 01:11:04,886 --> 01:11:06,303 Man, what are you talking about? No. 1772 01:11:06,304 --> 01:11:07,805 - Wasn't that you? - No. 1773 01:11:07,806 --> 01:11:09,390 - No? - A dog in the pipes? 1774 01:11:09,391 --> 01:11:10,641 [Andre] Maybe it was a dachshund. 1775 01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:11,892 Looked like a dachshund, your big... 1776 01:11:11,893 --> 01:11:13,394 [fireworks exploding] 1777 01:11:13,395 --> 01:11:14,603 - Oh, no, is that the dog? - Wait right here. 1778 01:11:14,604 --> 01:11:16,146 I'll deal with you in a minute. 1779 01:11:16,147 --> 01:11:18,399 Yeah, I'm gonna wait right here in New York City, 1780 01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:19,776 you know what I mean? 1781 01:11:21,111 --> 01:11:22,987 Kevin? Kevin, are you okay, baby? 1782 01:11:22,988 --> 01:11:24,405 Everything went incredible up here. 1783 01:11:24,406 --> 01:11:25,906 You alright? [Kevin] Yeah, I'm alright. 1784 01:11:25,907 --> 01:11:28,033 Sweating my goddamn ass off, though. 1785 01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:30,119 Jesus Christ, how you ain't cut no holes in here? 1786 01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:31,829 Let's get you out of here and kick some fucking ass. 1787 01:11:31,830 --> 01:11:33,414 What do you say, huh? [Kevin] Alright, come on. 1788 01:11:33,415 --> 01:11:34,833 - Let's go. - Yes! 1789 01:11:36,501 --> 01:11:38,712 [fireworks whistling] 1790 01:11:49,264 --> 01:11:51,473 - What are you doing? - Funny story. 1791 01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:52,933 You're gonna lose your goddamn mind. 1792 01:11:52,934 --> 01:11:56,353 I drilled this puppy a little bit too hard. 1793 01:11:56,354 --> 01:11:58,856 I can't get it out without the aid of some tools. 1794 01:11:58,857 --> 01:12:00,441 So give me a second. I'm gonna grab some tools. 1795 01:12:00,442 --> 01:12:02,443 I'll be right back. Okay, talk soon. 1796 01:12:02,444 --> 01:12:04,069 Hey, Andre, you better stop playing. 1797 01:12:04,070 --> 01:12:06,864 Seriously, man. Andre? 1798 01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:08,450 [knocks] Andre? 1799 01:12:09,743 --> 01:12:12,120 [fireworks whistling] 1800 01:12:16,666 --> 01:12:19,877 Hey, were those fireworks? 1801 01:12:19,878 --> 01:12:22,880 I live next door, at the Mondolvia estate. 1802 01:12:22,881 --> 01:12:25,591 Did you set those off? You know that that is illegal. 1803 01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:28,260 They're not ours. I don't know who set these off. 1804 01:12:28,261 --> 01:12:30,596 Well, it scared the bejesus out of me, 1805 01:12:30,597 --> 01:12:32,556 and I have a pacemaker. 1806 01:12:32,557 --> 01:12:34,516 What do you have to say for yourself? 1807 01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:36,226 Look, lady, I told you, they're not my fireworks, 1808 01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:38,103 and I didn't shit in any pipes! 1809 01:12:38,104 --> 01:12:39,313 What? 1810 01:12:39,314 --> 01:12:40,732 [electricity crackling] 1811 01:12:44,819 --> 01:12:46,321 That's for Andre. 1812 01:12:51,910 --> 01:12:52,910 [Kevin knocks] 1813 01:12:52,911 --> 01:12:54,119 [Kevin] Andre? 1814 01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,370 [knocks] 1815 01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,123 Andre? Come on, man, I'm serious. 1816 01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,751 There you go. What took you so long? 1817 01:13:00,752 --> 01:13:03,045 Where you go? Leaving me in this box 1818 01:13:03,046 --> 01:13:05,214 with all that goddamn quiet. Don't do that. 1819 01:13:05,215 --> 01:13:07,549 [chainsaw starts] 1820 01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:09,593 The fuck is that? 1821 01:13:09,594 --> 01:13:10,761 Hey. 1822 01:13:10,762 --> 01:13:12,221 [chainsaw revs] 1823 01:13:12,222 --> 01:13:13,764 Andre, that's a chainsaw? Okay, hold on. 1824 01:13:13,765 --> 01:13:15,224 Wait, wait, wait. 1825 01:13:15,225 --> 01:13:17,309 [shouting indiscernibly] 1826 01:13:17,310 --> 01:13:19,520 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 1827 01:13:19,521 --> 01:13:22,022 Slow it down. Slow it down. Slow it down! 1828 01:13:22,023 --> 01:13:23,774 You're gonna cut my fucking head! 1829 01:13:23,775 --> 01:13:25,442 You're gonna cut my head! 1830 01:13:25,443 --> 01:13:29,071 No more chainsaw. No more chainsaw! 1831 01:13:29,072 --> 01:13:31,198 No more chainsaw, okay? 1832 01:13:31,199 --> 01:13:33,200 Jesus Christ. 1833 01:13:33,201 --> 01:13:35,828 Shit. What the fuck, Andre? 1834 01:13:35,829 --> 01:13:38,581 Oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, shit. 1835 01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:42,084 On behalf of stunt actors everywhere, 1836 01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:47,089 I'm excited to say, this is your day of reckoning! 1837 01:13:47,090 --> 01:13:49,174 [laughs maniacally] 1838 01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:51,176 Hold up! 1839 01:13:51,177 --> 01:13:52,803 Trying to tell me a big old stunt legend like yourself 1840 01:13:52,804 --> 01:13:55,597 need a chainsaw? 1841 01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:56,891 Huh? 1842 01:13:59,060 --> 01:14:01,562 That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Two men. 1843 01:14:01,563 --> 01:14:04,189 How about two dogs in a bowl? I want to eat. 1844 01:14:04,190 --> 01:14:06,233 [barking] 1845 01:14:06,234 --> 01:14:08,402 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1846 01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,987 Oh, you got a knife. 1847 01:14:09,988 --> 01:14:13,282 Big old man like yourself, stunt legend, 1848 01:14:13,283 --> 01:14:15,284 you need a knife for little old me? 1849 01:14:15,285 --> 01:14:16,702 That's what you need? 1850 01:14:16,703 --> 01:14:18,203 Fuck it. 1851 01:14:18,204 --> 01:14:19,788 I'll kill you with my hands. [Kevin] What? 1852 01:14:19,789 --> 01:14:21,207 [hyperventilating] 1853 01:14:25,962 --> 01:14:27,880 Yeah, you know this ain't go too good for you 1854 01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:30,090 in that little, shitty hallway. 1855 01:14:30,091 --> 01:14:32,509 Man, Jordan whooped your ass. 1856 01:14:32,510 --> 01:14:35,971 Mask I was wearing was 100 percent polyester, unbreathable. 1857 01:14:35,972 --> 01:14:37,431 Sweating into my contacts. 1858 01:14:37,432 --> 01:14:38,849 Hell, a child could have kicked my ass. 1859 01:14:38,850 --> 01:14:40,225 Oh, that's a real elaborate excuse, 1860 01:14:40,226 --> 01:14:41,811 don't you think? Superman punch! 1861 01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:46,649 Oh, shit! 1862 01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,235 Ah, shit. 1863 01:14:53,948 --> 01:14:55,616 [bones crack] 1864 01:14:55,617 --> 01:14:57,618 Shit. Andre! 1865 01:14:57,619 --> 01:14:59,661 Andre, do the sidekick stuff! 1866 01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:02,247 I made all that shit up about your sidekick. 1867 01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:04,082 You think I'd help you? 1868 01:15:04,083 --> 01:15:07,628 You think I'd put a greedy, unappreciative, 1869 01:15:07,629 --> 01:15:09,713 overrated actor over a stuntman? 1870 01:15:09,714 --> 01:15:12,758 [laughs] I just thought it'd be fun to give you 1871 01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:15,469 some false hope before you died. 1872 01:15:15,470 --> 01:15:18,263 [screams] Shit! Yo, you gonna break my arm! 1873 01:15:18,264 --> 01:15:20,265 Yeah, and every other one of the 206 bones 1874 01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:23,310 in your body, and then I'm gonna eat your ass. 1875 01:15:23,311 --> 01:15:25,771 I knew it. I knew you were a ass-eater. 1876 01:15:25,772 --> 01:15:27,106 [Kevin cries] 1877 01:15:28,566 --> 01:15:30,109 [grunting] 1878 01:15:32,237 --> 01:15:33,570 Oh, hey. [Kevin] I'll stab you. 1879 01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:34,947 Cute knife. What are you gonna do with that? 1880 01:15:34,948 --> 01:15:38,075 You gonna hurt me with that? Huh, huh? 1881 01:15:38,076 --> 01:15:40,536 No, but she is. 1882 01:15:43,539 --> 01:15:44,874 Oh, shit. 1883 01:15:46,209 --> 01:15:47,417 Oh, you got him. 1884 01:15:47,418 --> 01:15:48,794 It's... Okay. 1885 01:15:48,795 --> 01:15:51,129 Um, holy shit. 1886 01:15:51,130 --> 01:15:53,131 Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. 1887 01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:55,300 Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. 1888 01:15:55,301 --> 01:15:58,220 Eyes. You good. 1889 01:15:58,221 --> 01:16:00,264 Thirsty. 1890 01:16:00,265 --> 01:16:02,808 - You what? - Th... thirsty. 1891 01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:04,894 Well, get you something to drink. 1892 01:16:06,938 --> 01:16:08,605 You fucking threw a knife in his head. 1893 01:16:08,606 --> 01:16:11,566 I didn't know what else to do. I meant for his shoulder. 1894 01:16:11,567 --> 01:16:13,151 How did you mean for his shoulder? 1895 01:16:13,152 --> 01:16:14,820 Fucking size of the fireplace. 1896 01:16:14,821 --> 01:16:16,489 That's him. 1897 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,909 He's awake. It's a good sign. 1898 01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,911 It's a good thing. Look, he's fine. He's fine. 1899 01:16:22,912 --> 01:16:24,204 [Kevin] What are you talking, he's fine? 1900 01:16:24,205 --> 01:16:26,039 [Jordan] I mean, he's... 1901 01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:28,917 He's a fucking zombie. What do you mean, he's fine? 1902 01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:31,253 [Cynthia] Oh, god, he's gonna burn himself. 1903 01:16:31,254 --> 01:16:33,005 He's gonna get a burn on his hand or something. 1904 01:16:33,006 --> 01:16:34,339 It's not really the worst thing 1905 01:16:34,340 --> 01:16:35,507 that could happen to him at this point. 1906 01:16:35,508 --> 01:16:37,134 [Jordan] That's true. - Oh. 1907 01:16:37,135 --> 01:16:38,927 Hey! There he is. 1908 01:16:38,928 --> 01:16:40,221 How you doing, man? 1909 01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:42,974 Jesus Christ. 1910 01:16:44,517 --> 01:16:46,184 - He's okay. - He's just taking a nap. 1911 01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:47,811 He's not dead. He's fine. 1912 01:16:47,812 --> 01:16:49,187 - He's okay? - Yeah. 1913 01:16:49,188 --> 01:16:51,773 Wait, where's Andre? 1914 01:16:51,774 --> 01:16:53,692 Where's my sweet boy? 1915 01:16:53,693 --> 01:16:56,570 [Doug] Don't you worry, 'cause I found him. 1916 01:16:56,571 --> 01:16:58,739 [Andre] Alright, I'm sorry. 1917 01:16:58,740 --> 01:17:01,033 I made an oopsie-daisy. I got captured. 1918 01:17:01,034 --> 01:17:03,160 I thought I heard your voice, but it wasn't your voice. 1919 01:17:03,161 --> 01:17:04,953 It was his voice. I'm the worst sidekick in the world. 1920 01:17:04,954 --> 01:17:06,496 - Hey, shut up. - I'm gonna shut up. 1921 01:17:06,497 --> 01:17:07,831 - Shut up. - I'm gonna shut up. 1922 01:17:07,832 --> 01:17:10,000 You hurt one hair on my son's head, 1923 01:17:10,001 --> 01:17:12,210 I swear to God, motherfucker, 1924 01:17:12,211 --> 01:17:16,089 I will split you from chin to balls. 1925 01:17:16,090 --> 01:17:17,799 - Who the fuck are you? - That's my mom. 1926 01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:19,968 I love you, mom. If I die, I love you in heaven. 1927 01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,678 What the hell is your mother doing here, boy? 1928 01:17:21,679 --> 01:17:24,598 I'm here for moral support, and I love him. 1929 01:17:24,599 --> 01:17:26,058 [Andre] I love you, mom. 1930 01:17:26,059 --> 01:17:28,060 But I will fuck you up! 1931 01:17:28,061 --> 01:17:29,561 - Try me! - Mom... 1932 01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:31,396 I love you. 1933 01:17:31,397 --> 01:17:33,398 How come y'all don't have no guns? 1934 01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:34,983 'Cause we're not here to kill anybody, Doug. 1935 01:17:34,984 --> 01:17:37,819 Oh. Oh, is that right? 1936 01:17:37,820 --> 01:17:40,489 Then where's Mr. 206 at? 1937 01:17:40,490 --> 01:17:43,242 He's... making breakfast. 1938 01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,707 [crying] This is a fucking joke to you. 1939 01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:53,335 It's a fucking joke to you. 1940 01:17:53,336 --> 01:17:55,420 [crying] 1941 01:17:55,421 --> 01:17:57,881 Shut your ass up. Fuck you crying for? 1942 01:17:57,882 --> 01:18:02,511 - 'Cause I can feel your... - That man was my mentor. 1943 01:18:02,512 --> 01:18:06,056 He was my muse, my rock. 1944 01:18:06,057 --> 01:18:07,933 And in 2003, for a brief period 1945 01:18:07,934 --> 01:18:10,310 where I was confused about my sexuality, he was my lover. 1946 01:18:10,311 --> 01:18:12,187 - Okay. - Sounds like a very special... 1947 01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:13,522 Shut your ass up. Don't... 1948 01:18:13,523 --> 01:18:15,440 [Kevin] Hey, hey, hey, listen to me. 1949 01:18:15,441 --> 01:18:17,692 Doug, we are sorry for your loss, man. 1950 01:18:17,693 --> 01:18:19,236 - So sorry. - We're sorry. 1951 01:18:19,237 --> 01:18:23,240 Oh. Oh, you're sorry, huh? Hmm? 1952 01:18:23,241 --> 01:18:25,700 See, y'all are a bunch of brainiacs. 1953 01:18:25,701 --> 01:18:27,035 I thought I had all you dead 1954 01:18:27,036 --> 01:18:29,454 in that goddamn business offices, I did. 1955 01:18:29,455 --> 01:18:30,914 [Kevin] Alright, Doug. 1956 01:18:30,915 --> 01:18:33,542 Doug, listen to me. Don't you hurt him, man. 1957 01:18:33,543 --> 01:18:35,502 You hear me? Don't hurt him. 1958 01:18:35,503 --> 01:18:38,255 [Doug] Oh, 'cause you care all of a sudden, hm? 1959 01:18:38,256 --> 01:18:41,466 All of a sudden, you got a fucking heart, Tin Man? 1960 01:18:41,467 --> 01:18:43,468 You don't care about nothing. 1961 01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:46,471 This man ain't nothing but an employee of yours, 1962 01:18:46,472 --> 01:18:49,349 which means he's disposable. Ain't that right? Hmm? 1963 01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:51,268 [Kevin] That's not true. 1964 01:18:51,269 --> 01:18:53,062 The man is the complete opposite of that. 1965 01:18:54,689 --> 01:18:57,524 - Andre is 34 years old. - 35. 1966 01:18:57,525 --> 01:18:58,984 He's left-handed. 1967 01:18:58,985 --> 01:19:00,569 Right-handed. 1968 01:19:00,570 --> 01:19:01,903 Afraid of scorpions. 1969 01:19:01,904 --> 01:19:03,697 [Andre] I love scorpions. 1970 01:19:03,698 --> 01:19:05,157 He won a sixth-grade spelling bee. 1971 01:19:05,158 --> 01:19:06,700 I got fourth place. 1972 01:19:06,701 --> 01:19:08,285 He memorized every single line of House Party, 1973 01:19:08,286 --> 01:19:09,578 both Kid's and Play's. 1974 01:19:09,579 --> 01:19:10,912 - You did that. - I did do that. 1975 01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:12,497 That is me. 1976 01:19:12,498 --> 01:19:15,792 Andre is the one man that I cannot live without. 1977 01:19:15,793 --> 01:19:17,794 [Andre] I'm with you, ride or die, 1978 01:19:17,795 --> 01:19:19,129 although I was hoping for a little bit 1979 01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:20,547 more ride and a little less die. 1980 01:19:20,548 --> 01:19:22,299 I think I'm gonna die, like, really soon. 1981 01:19:22,300 --> 01:19:23,508 - Enough, enough. - I'm gonna shut up. 1982 01:19:23,509 --> 01:19:26,011 Doug, now stop it. 1983 01:19:26,012 --> 01:19:27,804 You don't even want him, man. 1984 01:19:27,805 --> 01:19:30,140 You want me. I'm the one who messed up. 1985 01:19:30,141 --> 01:19:33,310 I'm the one that threw you out like Tuesday's trash 1986 01:19:33,311 --> 01:19:35,770 and left you on the side of the goddamn curb 1987 01:19:35,771 --> 01:19:38,023 without the blink of an eye. I did that. 1988 01:19:38,024 --> 01:19:42,235 You want me, not him, so let him go. 1989 01:19:42,236 --> 01:19:44,821 Let him go and take me. 1990 01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:46,907 That's what you want? You want me to let him go? 1991 01:19:46,908 --> 01:19:48,575 Hmm? Say it. Say it again. 1992 01:19:48,576 --> 01:19:50,160 I want you to let him go. 1993 01:19:50,161 --> 01:19:52,412 - Mama, how about you? - Please let him go. 1994 01:19:52,413 --> 01:19:53,538 [Doug] Let him go, huh? [Andre] Will you let me go? 1995 01:19:53,539 --> 01:19:54,789 You want me to let you go? 1996 01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:56,124 Please, Doug. That'd be so nice. 1997 01:19:56,125 --> 01:19:57,834 Everybody telling me to let you go. 1998 01:19:57,835 --> 01:19:59,252 I should just let you go. Hey, mama, I'm gonna let him go. 1999 01:19:59,253 --> 01:20:01,463 - Thank you. - Make sure you watch, hmm? 2000 01:20:01,464 --> 01:20:02,839 - You watching? - Thank you. 2001 01:20:02,840 --> 01:20:04,925 - Now get your ass... - Ah! 2002 01:20:04,926 --> 01:20:06,676 [Kevin] Oh, shit! - Oh, no. 2003 01:20:06,677 --> 01:20:09,554 Oh, my, he let go. He literally let go. 2004 01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:12,557 - Yeah, I let him go good. - Doug, this ends now. 2005 01:20:12,558 --> 01:20:16,853 [Doug] Oh, well, that's okay with me, Little Boots. 2006 01:20:16,854 --> 01:20:17,938 [gunfire] 2007 01:20:17,939 --> 01:20:20,649 You want to do it the hard way? 2008 01:20:20,650 --> 01:20:24,152 Then let's do it the hard way, motherfucker. 2009 01:20:24,153 --> 01:20:25,696 I got your ass. 2010 01:20:28,449 --> 01:20:30,283 [whimpering] Honey, oh... 2011 01:20:30,284 --> 01:20:31,743 My baby's alive! 2012 01:20:31,744 --> 01:20:33,078 [Kevin] He's alive. [Cynthia] He's alive. 2013 01:20:33,079 --> 01:20:34,788 I'm okay. I'm fine, I'm fine. 2014 01:20:34,789 --> 01:20:37,374 The table actually broke my fall. Did you see me? 2015 01:20:37,375 --> 01:20:40,585 That was the dead drop I never got to do in the woods. 2016 01:20:40,586 --> 01:20:41,878 That was my tribute to you, Kevin. 2017 01:20:41,879 --> 01:20:43,171 Hey, come on. Let's get you up. 2018 01:20:43,172 --> 01:20:44,881 [groans] 2019 01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:46,383 [Jordan] Take it easy. 2020 01:20:46,384 --> 01:20:47,801 Okay, we gotta get him... Oh, my God. 2021 01:20:47,802 --> 01:20:48,843 What happened? What's going on? 2022 01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:50,387 [Cynthia] Nothing. 2023 01:20:50,388 --> 01:20:52,889 [Jordan] A tiny, tiny bit of the table just... 2024 01:20:52,890 --> 01:20:54,099 Where is it? What part of it? 2025 01:20:54,100 --> 01:20:55,183 [clamoring] 2026 01:20:55,184 --> 01:20:56,393 [Kevin] Don't touch it. 2027 01:20:56,394 --> 01:20:58,019 - Listen, listen. - Why, why, why? 2028 01:20:58,020 --> 01:20:59,854 Don't touch it. It's nothing. It's nothing crazy. 2029 01:20:59,855 --> 01:21:01,273 It's a little splinter. It's fine. 2030 01:21:01,274 --> 01:21:03,441 Get the tweezers. Let's get it out. 2031 01:21:03,442 --> 01:21:05,026 Why are you holding me back? 2032 01:21:05,027 --> 01:21:06,611 - Get it out! - Stop fiddling with it. 2033 01:21:06,612 --> 01:21:07,904 [Kevin] Yeah, stop for us. [Cynthia] Come on. 2034 01:21:07,905 --> 01:21:09,447 Let's go get him to a hospital. 2035 01:21:09,448 --> 01:21:11,199 It feels like something's in my kidney, right? 2036 01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:12,701 - When I walk, at least. - Come on. 2037 01:21:12,702 --> 01:21:13,994 [Andre moaning] 2038 01:21:13,995 --> 01:21:15,662 Okay. Jesus. 2039 01:21:15,663 --> 01:21:17,205 [dramatic music] 2040 01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:19,207 What the hell is that? 2041 01:21:19,208 --> 01:21:21,209 Oh, I installed customizable lights in here, 2042 01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:23,086 but you never had time to learn how to use 'em. 2043 01:21:23,087 --> 01:21:27,425 [Doug] All them years I was your stuntman, Kevin. 2044 01:21:29,343 --> 01:21:30,677 Get him to the hospital, mom. 2045 01:21:30,678 --> 01:21:32,596 - Jordan, come with me. - Okay, be careful. 2046 01:21:32,597 --> 01:21:34,055 Come on, honey. Help me out. 2047 01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:35,640 [Doug] See, Kevin, it wasn't 2048 01:21:35,641 --> 01:21:38,893 just taking falls and getting kicked in the face 2049 01:21:38,894 --> 01:21:41,563 and getting set on fire. Uh-uh. 2050 01:21:41,564 --> 01:21:44,691 That's not all I was doing to make you look good. 2051 01:21:44,692 --> 01:21:48,528 You remember Justice Squad Part Two? 2052 01:21:48,529 --> 01:21:52,240 You decided to gain 30 pounds for the part. 2053 01:21:52,241 --> 01:21:56,036 That meant that I had to gain 30 pounds, too, Kevin. 2054 01:21:56,037 --> 01:21:58,163 I'm a freaking diabetic, you selfish fuck. 2055 01:21:58,164 --> 01:22:00,290 - I almost put myself in a coma. - Okay, hey. 2056 01:22:00,291 --> 01:22:03,918 Hey, Doug, easy, alright? 2057 01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:05,337 I'm sorry, man. I made a mistake. 2058 01:22:05,338 --> 01:22:07,255 Shut your ass up. [Andre] Mom, no. 2059 01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:09,799 Mom, no. Mom, no. Mom, I can't leave. 2060 01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:11,718 No, I'm not gonna let you die. 2061 01:22:11,719 --> 01:22:14,054 - I'm not losing another. - Mom, mom, listen, okay? 2062 01:22:14,055 --> 01:22:15,930 Look at me. 2063 01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:18,183 I... I know you wish you could have saved dad. 2064 01:22:18,184 --> 01:22:19,893 [sobs] Yeah. 2065 01:22:19,894 --> 01:22:21,686 I know, I know, but this is different. 2066 01:22:21,687 --> 01:22:23,772 I'm not just Kevin's assistant. 2067 01:22:23,773 --> 01:22:26,274 I'm his sidekick, and you want to know 2068 01:22:26,275 --> 01:22:28,610 the first rule of sidekick? 2069 01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:30,195 - Do no harm? - No. 2070 01:22:30,196 --> 01:22:32,072 That's doctor's, mom. 2071 01:22:32,073 --> 01:22:34,407 The first rule of sidekick is there is no sidekick. 2072 01:22:34,408 --> 01:22:35,700 That's "Fight Club," mom. 2073 01:22:35,701 --> 01:22:36,868 You know that. Brad Pitt's in that. 2074 01:22:36,869 --> 01:22:38,203 Ed Norton's in that, Mom! 2075 01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:39,829 Just tell me, then. 2076 01:22:39,830 --> 01:22:41,998 [Kevin] Okay, listen to me, and listen good, man. 2077 01:22:41,999 --> 01:22:44,084 Back when I was a sidekick, I was always jealous 2078 01:22:44,085 --> 01:22:46,836 of the lead actor and all the glory they got. 2079 01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:48,171 And I told myself, Doug, 2080 01:22:48,172 --> 01:22:50,006 I said, when I become a lead actor, 2081 01:22:50,007 --> 01:22:51,925 I'm gonna get that same glory. I want it. 2082 01:22:51,926 --> 01:22:55,095 I want to taste that. And I did. 2083 01:22:55,096 --> 01:22:56,596 But when I tasted it, I handled it wrong. 2084 01:22:56,597 --> 01:22:59,849 I was selfish. I was stupid, man. 2085 01:22:59,850 --> 01:23:01,559 And now I realize how much I need my village. 2086 01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:05,188 And, Doug, you're a part of that village, okay? 2087 01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:07,857 I need you. I fucking need you, man. 2088 01:23:07,858 --> 01:23:10,735 Give me a chance to make it up to you. 2089 01:23:10,736 --> 01:23:14,406 Give me a chance to prove to you that this is what I want, 2090 01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:17,200 that... that I want you, I need you. 2091 01:23:17,201 --> 01:23:18,451 How about I give you the chance 2092 01:23:18,452 --> 01:23:20,787 to suck my dick, hmm? 2093 01:23:20,788 --> 01:23:22,831 I'm living the life, boy. 2094 01:23:22,832 --> 01:23:25,125 I'm in your goddamn mansion. 2095 01:23:25,126 --> 01:23:27,544 Hmm? I live here. 2096 01:23:27,545 --> 01:23:29,295 I got your career. 2097 01:23:29,296 --> 01:23:31,131 Your agents love me. 2098 01:23:31,132 --> 01:23:33,967 Them boys love me good, got me a part in a movie and everything. 2099 01:23:33,968 --> 01:23:35,343 I'm about to be Chucky in the new Child's Play. 2100 01:23:35,344 --> 01:23:36,928 - You took that shit? - Step back. 2101 01:23:36,929 --> 01:23:39,472 Get back before I goddamn skin your fucking lip. 2102 01:23:39,473 --> 01:23:42,434 And I signed up for a new Woody Allen movie. 2103 01:23:42,435 --> 01:23:44,436 Can't wait to see the press around that. 2104 01:23:44,437 --> 01:23:45,854 [laughs wheezily] 2105 01:23:45,855 --> 01:23:48,148 No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, come on. 2106 01:23:48,149 --> 01:23:49,941 Come on, wake up. Wake up. Come on. 2107 01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:53,403 [cries out] What? What's happening? 2108 01:23:53,404 --> 01:23:55,363 I think what you were 2109 01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:58,158 about to do was to try to convince me that even though 2110 01:23:58,159 --> 01:24:02,162 you've been impaled by a large piece of 2111 01:24:02,163 --> 01:24:05,248 restoration hardware, you want to go back in there 2112 01:24:05,249 --> 01:24:07,792 and fight some lunatic 2113 01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:12,297 who is physically superior to you in every possible way 2114 01:24:12,298 --> 01:24:15,175 because you're not just his sidekick. 2115 01:24:15,176 --> 01:24:17,178 You're his best friend. 2116 01:24:19,472 --> 01:24:21,097 You're goddamn right I am. 2117 01:24:21,098 --> 01:24:23,099 So why go through all this trouble? 2118 01:24:23,100 --> 01:24:26,102 The Swedish actor, the torture chamber. 2119 01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:29,647 You think it's easy stealing a man's identity, hmm? 2120 01:24:29,648 --> 01:24:31,107 You think it's as easy as stealing his face? 2121 01:24:31,108 --> 01:24:33,026 Well, it's not, Little Pretty. 2122 01:24:33,027 --> 01:24:34,819 It's much harder than that. 2123 01:24:34,820 --> 01:24:37,322 Had to get his goddamn fingerprints first. 2124 01:24:37,323 --> 01:24:40,200 After that, I had to take all your goddamn passwords. 2125 01:24:40,201 --> 01:24:43,536 Once I got that, I said, we get your voice ID. 2126 01:24:43,537 --> 01:24:45,371 All the other secrets that you hold, I got it. 2127 01:24:45,372 --> 01:24:46,956 I got it good. 2128 01:24:46,957 --> 01:24:49,751 So now you have everything you need to be Kevin. 2129 01:24:49,752 --> 01:24:52,212 You even removed your mole, you sick son of a bitch. 2130 01:24:52,213 --> 01:24:53,671 [Doug] Yeah, I did. 2131 01:24:53,672 --> 01:24:55,215 You know why? 2132 01:24:55,216 --> 01:24:57,217 'Cause I'm Kevin Hart. I'm Kevin Hart. 2133 01:24:57,218 --> 01:24:58,760 I got all the money in the world. 2134 01:24:58,761 --> 01:25:00,303 I got the best dermatologist in the world 2135 01:25:00,304 --> 01:25:02,013 'cause I'm Kevin Hart. [laughs] 2136 01:25:02,014 --> 01:25:03,640 Dr. Sanchez would never touch 2137 01:25:03,641 --> 01:25:04,849 that rough-ass skin of yours. 2138 01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:06,643 But she did, motherfucker. She did! 2139 01:25:06,644 --> 01:25:08,102 [Kevin] Ah, shit! 2140 01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:10,648 [all grunting] 2141 01:25:22,076 --> 01:25:23,743 No, boy. 2142 01:25:23,744 --> 01:25:26,246 Smack your ass. No, no! 2143 01:25:26,247 --> 01:25:27,873 - Ah, ah. Hold on. - What? 2144 01:25:29,208 --> 01:25:30,751 Superman punch! 2145 01:25:35,673 --> 01:25:37,507 No, not today. 2146 01:25:37,508 --> 01:25:38,883 Oh. 2147 01:25:38,884 --> 01:25:40,468 [groans] 2148 01:25:40,469 --> 01:25:42,971 [Doug] I told you. - Ah, you stupid little bitch. 2149 01:25:42,972 --> 01:25:45,890 Wasn't done with you, hmm? 2150 01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:49,727 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 2151 01:25:49,728 --> 01:25:51,020 See, I got your body. 2152 01:25:51,021 --> 01:25:52,480 Doug, you ain't got to do this, man. 2153 01:25:52,481 --> 01:25:53,898 - Give me a chance. - But now... 2154 01:25:53,899 --> 01:25:55,191 Doug, no! 2155 01:25:55,192 --> 01:25:56,734 Now I want your soul. 2156 01:25:56,735 --> 01:25:57,986 Don't take my soul. 2157 01:25:57,987 --> 01:25:59,696 I'm gonna get your fucking soul. 2158 01:25:59,697 --> 01:26:03,199 What's happened to me? What the fuck you just do to me? 2159 01:26:03,200 --> 01:26:05,827 Oh, shit. 2160 01:26:05,828 --> 01:26:07,787 Just stab me in my goddamn scapula, boy? 2161 01:26:07,788 --> 01:26:09,289 - Hey! - Huh? 2162 01:26:09,290 --> 01:26:11,332 That's a wrap on Doug. 2163 01:26:11,333 --> 01:26:14,502 Oh, got me good. 2164 01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:16,005 Motherfucker! 2165 01:26:18,841 --> 01:26:20,050 [gasps] 2166 01:26:25,139 --> 01:26:27,724 Hold on, Andre, is that the piece of wood 2167 01:26:27,725 --> 01:26:29,434 that was lodged in your side? 2168 01:26:29,435 --> 01:26:31,185 Sidekick for life. 2169 01:26:31,186 --> 01:26:33,730 No, Andre, that was supposed to stay in to stop the bleeding. 2170 01:26:33,731 --> 01:26:35,440 [Cynthia] I told him it was a dumb idea, 2171 01:26:35,441 --> 01:26:37,150 but does he listen to his mom? 2172 01:26:37,151 --> 01:26:38,401 I'd do anything for you, man. 2173 01:26:38,402 --> 01:26:40,320 Hey, hey, look at me. 2174 01:26:40,321 --> 01:26:42,197 You're the best damn sidekick I ever seen. 2175 01:26:43,449 --> 01:26:44,782 Alright, guys, call the cops. 2176 01:26:44,783 --> 01:26:47,952 Stay with Doug until they get here, okay? 2177 01:26:47,953 --> 01:26:50,121 I've gotta get you to the hospital. 2178 01:26:50,122 --> 01:26:51,999 This time, I'm driving. 2179 01:26:54,627 --> 01:26:56,836 You know, actually, I will drive. I'm gonna drive. 2180 01:26:56,837 --> 01:26:58,212 I saw the way you drove last time, 2181 01:26:58,213 --> 01:27:00,298 so I think I'll take it from here. 2182 01:27:00,299 --> 01:27:01,507 - Why don't we just... - We'll figure it out. 2183 01:27:01,508 --> 01:27:02,842 We'll figure it out. 2184 01:27:02,843 --> 01:27:04,218 Yeah, but I'll use my feet and hands, 2185 01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:05,470 and you can sit on my lap or some shit. 2186 01:27:05,471 --> 01:27:07,388 He's in shock. I got you, buddy. 2187 01:27:07,389 --> 01:27:09,223 Keep an eye on Doug. 2188 01:27:09,224 --> 01:27:10,768 I got you, buddy. 2189 01:27:12,937 --> 01:27:15,188 [Kevin] I mean, I was foolish. 2190 01:27:15,189 --> 01:27:18,900 I let my ego run the show, and I'm honestly, 2191 01:27:18,901 --> 01:27:21,861 I'm lucky to be alive. We both are. 2192 01:27:21,862 --> 01:27:23,738 Why is he here with us again? 2193 01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:26,866 [chuckles] 'Cause he's a vital part of my team. 2194 01:27:26,867 --> 01:27:28,368 Ah, okay. 2195 01:27:28,369 --> 01:27:30,036 [Jordan] Hi, hi, hi. Sorry. 2196 01:27:30,037 --> 01:27:32,289 - Sorry I'm late. - And so is she. 2197 01:27:33,999 --> 01:27:35,291 And so are they. 2198 01:27:35,292 --> 01:27:38,086 [cheering] 2199 01:27:38,087 --> 01:27:40,713 Alright. Who is the older lady? 2200 01:27:40,714 --> 01:27:42,674 Are you talking about that gorgeous woman 2201 01:27:42,675 --> 01:27:44,717 in the back? That's my mama. 2202 01:27:44,718 --> 01:27:47,011 Mama, how's the food? 2203 01:27:47,012 --> 01:27:48,972 Oh, it's so confusing. 2204 01:27:48,973 --> 01:27:50,640 [Andre] Yeah. [Cynthia] I love it, though. 2205 01:27:50,641 --> 01:27:52,684 [Kevin] I'm not really sure what her role is yet. 2206 01:27:52,685 --> 01:27:54,769 We're still trying to iron out the kinks. 2207 01:27:54,770 --> 01:27:56,729 But what I do know is it takes a village 2208 01:27:56,730 --> 01:27:58,022 to operate the world of Kevin Hart, 2209 01:27:58,023 --> 01:27:59,649 and she's a villager. 2210 01:27:59,650 --> 01:28:01,025 [whispering] What's a villager? 2211 01:28:01,026 --> 01:28:02,986 Wow, Kevin, I gotta say, 2212 01:28:02,987 --> 01:28:04,529 you certainly have changed. 2213 01:28:04,530 --> 01:28:06,322 [Kevin] No, I just learned to appreciate the people 2214 01:28:06,323 --> 01:28:09,492 that matter the most in my life. 2215 01:28:09,493 --> 01:28:11,828 ♪ Lovely day lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2216 01:28:11,829 --> 01:28:16,249 Well, does that mean that you're in for Jefferson's 2? 2217 01:28:16,250 --> 01:28:19,293 Yeah. Just gotta check with my stuntman first. 2218 01:28:19,294 --> 01:28:20,878 ♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2219 01:28:20,879 --> 01:28:22,463 Isn't he in prison now? 2220 01:28:22,464 --> 01:28:24,632 ♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2221 01:28:24,633 --> 01:28:28,219 [scoffs] He is. 2222 01:28:28,220 --> 01:28:30,972 Yeah, I don't know. It slipped my mind. 2223 01:28:30,973 --> 01:28:32,557 Ah, I forgot. 2224 01:28:32,558 --> 01:28:34,475 [laughs] 2225 01:28:34,476 --> 01:28:36,144 [Jordan] Forgot? 2226 01:28:36,145 --> 01:28:38,271 [chuckles nervously] 2227 01:28:38,272 --> 01:28:40,774 [tense music] 2228 01:28:42,443 --> 01:28:44,235 Hey. Hey, guard. 2229 01:28:44,236 --> 01:28:46,988 Guard! Hey, let me out of here. 2230 01:28:46,989 --> 01:28:48,531 I'm telling you, you got the wrong guy. 2231 01:28:48,532 --> 01:28:51,451 [Prisoner] Shut the fuck up! - I'm Kevin Hart. 2232 01:28:51,452 --> 01:28:53,870 I'm Kevin Hart! 2233 01:28:53,871 --> 01:28:56,331 [dramatic music] 2234 01:29:31,450 --> 01:29:33,911 [music continues] 2235 01:29:47,883 --> 01:29:50,302 {\an8}[dramatic music] 2236 01:30:18,622 --> 01:30:20,999 {\an8}[music continues] 2237 01:30:51,530 --> 01:30:53,991 {\an8}[music continues] 2238 01:30:54,305 --> 01:31:54,921 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 165150