Original subtitles

I'm not trying to hurt you.

Did you get yours?

It was so good.

Did the new lube help?

I was really hoping we'd be able to cancel that gynecologist appointment tomorrow.

Why?

Well, I was talking to my sister about this, her gynecologist, Dr. Greenwood,

and I thought maybe you'd be more comfortable because she's a woman.

Honey, we need to see a specialist. He's a

board-certified gynecologist and a sex therapist.

Yeah, he's also expensive.

Am I worth it?

Of course.

Good night.

Marie?

I was reading some of the reviews online and I

don't know that he's the right doctor for us.

What did they say?

Um...

I just read that some of his clientele find him sexy.

Seriously?

I mean, to me he just looks like a normal

dude, but some of the women find him dreamy.

Honey, he's a professional and when have I ever given you cause to be jealous?

I adore you. You're the love of my life. My sweet, darling husband.

You're making me so hot.

I know. I'm so sorry.

Just hope he knows what he's doing.

He's the best.

Good night.

Can I be in the room with you during the exam?

Oh, sure. Good night.

Did you see the name on the door when we walked in?

Dr. Spirit?

Dr. Todd Sphere.

Well, I've never met a Dr. Todd before.

And the name, it just sounds like some sort of degenerate hillbilly name.

Like a guy riding a motorcycle with a stained wife beater.

Shh! What's the matter with you?

Look...

I just... I have a strange feeling about this place, okay?

What if he's not even really a doctor?

I don't see any degrees up on the wall.

Look, I just... I have a weird feeling in my gut, okay?

Maybe you should wait in the waiting room.

No, I won't say anything again, okay?

Good.

Okay.

It's not too late. We can still change our minds and go.

Hello Mrs. Bloom.

Hello Mr. Bloom.

Hi, my name is Marie and this is my husband Alan.

Nice to meet you both.

Nice to meet you as well.

Now, it says here in your file that you've been married for ten years?

Yes, he's my first love.

First and only love.

We met in high school.

Okay, so your husband is your first and only sexual partner?

Yes, of course.

Alright.

Now, it says in here that you've been feeling

some pain during intercourse, is that correct?

Yes, that's true.

How long has that been going on?

For as long as I can remember.

But it does feel better when we use lubricant, right honey?

Yes, that's right.

Mr. Bloom, would you mind waiting out in the reception?

I have to ask your wife some questions and she

might feel a bit uncomfortable answering them.

Actually, I'd prefer him here.

It's alright, him and I share everything.

Okay.

Mrs. Bloom, do you ever orgasm during sex?

I...

An orgasm?

Okay, I'm going to mark that as a no.

Wait a minute.

She definitely has an orgasm every single time we have sex, right darling?

Uh...

Well, sex can feel painful and I heard an orgasm is quite pleasant.

An orgasm is a little more than pleasant, Mrs. Bloom.

My wife and I have a very good sex life.

It's just sometimes she feels a little pain after intercourse.

The insertion hurts, the act itself hurts, and there's a dull pain afterwards.

Okay.

Place your feet into the stirrups and we'll take a look at you.

You're going to feel a little pressure.

It's cold and it's...

Is that good?

A little, yes.

Mrs. Bloom, you have what's called an imperfect hymen.

Excuse me?

A hymen? That's absurd. We told you, she's not a virgin.

May I ask, how large is your penis?

Well, um, my penis is...

He's four and a half inches.

I see. And the girth?

He's...

Okay, okay, what does my size have anything to do with this?

Mr. and Mrs. Bloom, a small percentage of women,

less than one percent, have imperfect hymens.

It's a small, starfish-shaped blockage that prevents

pretty much anything from going in and out of the vagina.

Excuse me? Okay, you're out of line right now.

Honey, maybe you should go to the waiting room. You're being absurd.

It seems that your tiny penis has punctured one

of the arms of a hymen and left the rest intact.

And that's why you've been feeling so much pain during sex, Marie.

Um, well, what can we do to break the hymen?

Well, there's three options.

The first is you could use a large toy to remove the blockage.

A sex toy?

Yes, there's a good boutique on Broadway and Fourth. It's quite professional.

No, absolutely not. I won't go in a place like that.

Honey, we can just buy one online.

I wouldn't recommend that option.

If it's not done properly, with a large toy, she could tear

her vagina and then you'd have to come back in and get sutures.

That sounds absolutely awful.

The second option is we put you on a twilight sedation,

which is obviously going to be a bit more expensive.

We have to rent an operating room and an anesthesiologist and a personal

assistant and you'll be out of commission for some time after that.

Oh, no.

Is there a third option?

Yes, the third option is what most of my patients choose.

You have me finesse the blockage out and it'll only take about 30 minutes.

There's not much pain involved and most of my patients walk out of

here perfectly fine and able to resume sex whenever they feel like it.

I mean, that's obviously the option we would want to choose, right honey?

Yes, that sounds the least invasive.

Alright then, let's get started.

Mr Bloom, I'm going to need you to wait in

the reception while I finish this procedure.

Why?

Well, your wife might not be comfortable with

you during the procedure. She might get worried.

I most certainly want him by my side to hold my hand.

It sounds quite painful.

A little at first, but then you will feel other various sensations.

You see, the hymen is connected to the most sensitive part

of the vagina wall and it is also connected to the clitoris.

Are you sure you are comfortable having your husband here for the procedure?

Absolutely.

Wait, so are you saying she's going to find this experience pleasurable?

Many of my patients find it quite a relief to have their hymen removed.

Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable with a female doctor?

We're already here. He's the best.

I don't know how I feel about all of this.

Oh, well you aren't the one afflicted with this

terribly painful condition. Of course we should.

Look, Mr and Mrs Bloom, I have a terribly busy schedule.

No, Doctor, please. Please accept my apology.

My wife and I, we've been having a lot of problems with our hymen.

My wife and I, we're very modest, very conservative,

and I know I'm probably sounding ridiculous.

Yes, Doctor, it would mean the world to us if you could help.

I think Mr Bloom is trying to insinuate that I am unprofessional.

Worse than that, I think he's implying that I derive

some kind of perverse sexual pleasure from my job.

No, sir, Doctor, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry.

Honey, I'll be right out in the lobby in case you need anything, okay?

Thank you, but I'm in good hands.

This procedure won't take long, Mr Bloom. Take good care of your wife.

Yeah, let's get cracking.

Okay.

No pain yet? No, not yet.

Now I'm going to insert my finger to try and feel the depth of the blockage.

I appear to be able to slide past the blockage,

much like your husband's penis would do during intercourse.

This might feel a little uncomfortable.

Your vagina's clenched down on my finger,

so everything seems to be working fine.

You're supple, you're nice and pink,

you have a very healthy vagina other than this blockage.

Now, what I'm going to do is I'm going

to stimulate your clitoris and try and get your vagina

to produce its own natural lubrication.

That's going to be the best way for us to remove this blockage.

Whatever is necessary.

I'm going to insert this cylindrical rod with

a conical shaped tip to try and remove the

blockage.

You're going to feel some pressure.

I feel the pressure.

Is everything okay?

It really is a shame your husband's penis is so small.

Otherwise, he could have removed this blockage

himself instead of me having to use this tool.

I never knew my husband was inadequate. He

always told me his penis was average-sized.

I'll bet he did.

Not to fear. There is one more thing we can try.

What's that?

This is a medical tool that uses ultrasonic vibrations

to compel your vagina to produce more fluid.

It'll help us lubricate and remove the blockage from the posterior.

Will it hurt?

Not at all. I promise.

It's alright, it's perfectly normal what you're feeling.

If it helps to grind your hips into it, that would be helpful.

Please help me.

All right.

Excellent.

It appears to be working just fine.

Just need a little bit more lubrication.

I need your key.

You want me to help you remove this blockage?

Yes, yes.

Are you sure that's what you want?

Yes, please.

Sir, sir, you're not allowed in the room once the doctor's asked you to leave.

Well, I know, but she's in pain. I need to go see my wife.

Sir, sir, that's not possible. I'm sure everything's fine. Please just have a seat.

Thank you.

You sure you want me to use my tool?

Yes!

You sure that's what you want?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

I don't know, I love you.

I feel so bad.

Oh my gosh!

This is what a potion should feel like.

Every inch of it.

I'm so excited!

Yes!

Just like that!

I don't want you to choke me.

Please, please, please.

Can I start?

Yeah

Can I start?

Yeah

Can I start?

Yeah

Can I start?

Yeah, start

I need a tissue

Okay

Go

Um

Um

Um

I don't really like your palms

fuck you

oh god

um

Fuck you

come on

guk guk guk

guk

uh

Um

Guk

um

Guk guk guk guk

guk guk guk

guk

I'm gonna clean my mouth.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click,

click, click, click, click.

This is way better than my husband's cooking.

It's stretching me out.

I think you broke my hymen.

There we go.

Oh my god.

Yes, yes, yes!

You're choking on this.

Oh my gosh.

Bye everyone.

Mwah.

I didn't know I could do that.

Yes

Yes, I'm trying my best.

I'm gonna try my best.

Yes

Sir, sir, if you can't restrain yourself, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Please.

Sir, the room is locked.

Dr. Spears really does not like interruptions.

It's both rude and it's dangerous.

Now, please either have a seat or I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Inside me.

Please come inside me.

It's in my pussy!

Tastes so good

but i'm not done yet

oh my god

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh my god.

Oh, shit.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

So good on you

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

That's like this more often

Um

Yes, yes, yes

Fuck

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Oh, fuck.

So good.

Amazing.

Woo!

Yes.

Fuck, yes.

Stretch me out, stretch me out, stretch me out.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, it's good.

Oh, fuck.

Yes, yes, yes, keep working, just like that, just like that, just like that.

Oh my god.

What for you?

Oh my god.

I'm so good at this, I'm so good at this.

I'm so good at this.

I'm so good at this.

Oh my god.

You taste so good.

Thank you doctor.

Alright.

I think we should let your husband know that the procedure has finished.

Quite right, thank you sir.

Mr. Bloom?

Are you okay?

It's done sweetheart, I'm cured.

Not so fast, Mrs. Bloom.

A hymen of your size could regenerate, so I suggest you come back in every six months

to have it checked out, just to be safe.

Are you sure that's entirely necessary?

I think my husband is right.

I should come in bi-weekly, just to make sure.

That's fine with me.

You're an excellent patient, Mrs. Bloom.

I look forward to seeing you again.

Oh, and I'll leave my number for you at the

front desk, just in case you need to contact me.

Thank you very much, sir.

Hello Mrs. Bloom.

Goodbye Mrs. Bloom.

It seems that your tiny penis has...

I knew we couldn't get through it.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I had it.

I almost got it.

She went there and I was like...

What is the exact line, Adam?

Your exact line?

Yeah, that tiny penis line.

I can see that your tiny penis is broken.

Everybody get that out.

That's a no.

Tiny penis, tiny penis, tiny penis.

Just get all of it out.

What if he says baby dick instead?

No.

It seems that your tiny penis has...

Fuck it.

We all had it.

Mrs. Bloom, you have what's called an imperfect...

I appear to be able to slide past the block.

It's much like your husband's penis would do during penetration.

What?

Penetration.

Just like some words here and there, the general vibe.

Please help me, I need you both.

Good God, shit, I died.

Alright, so that is...

Honey, maybe you should go to the waiting room.

You're being absurd.

It would appear that your tiny penis has broken off one of the arms.

Her hymen was leaving the rest intact.