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1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,673
Hi.
Hey, there he is.
2
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:07,175
Hey, Nick.
What up, Ian?
3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,309
Hey, what you got in there?
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,510
Uh, just some stuff
for tonight.
5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:10,811
My mom and I are
gonna watch Survivor.
6
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,247
Ah, another hot date
with your mom?
(sighs)
7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,249
It's not a date.
8
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,219
Sparkling wine,
imported cheeses. Hmm.
9
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,489
A single rose.
10
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,491
Aw, she catch you
cuddling on the couch
11
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,126
with another mother?
12
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,094
Okay, all right.
You know what?
13
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,495
You think I like
running around
14
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,729
to all these stores
to get her stuff?
15
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,064
I guess, yeah.
Seems like it.
16
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,532
Yeah, well, I don't.
Please.
17
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,334
This is the fourth night in a
row you've hung out with her.
18
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,337
I live with my mom and we
spend less time together.
19
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,072
Guys, I do it for her.
20
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:40,074
I was in L.A. for 12 years
and she really missed me.
21
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,209
You know what?
I get it, man.
22
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:43,144
I get it, I do.
23
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,679
Long distance relationships
are the worst.
Okay.
24
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,349
Oh, my gosh.
All right.
25
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,518
(elevator bell dings)
26
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,852
Hey.
27
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,155
What's up,
Sleeveless?
Jealous?
28
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,524
Dad and I are playing our
monthly racquetball game.
29
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,160
Oh. Great.
I'm coming.
30
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,228
Don't you and Mom
have your date?
31
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,462
It's not a date.
32
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,297
Dude, it's cool.
After a big breakup,
33
00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,732
everyone needs a rebound.
34
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,869
Hi, guys.
Hey.
Look, kidding aside,
35
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,172
I need a break from Mom.
I want some guy time.
36
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,874
What's up?
Josh wants to come
to racquetball night.
37
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,777
Whatever. As long as I get
to watch Survivor alone
38
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,612
without someone
constantly saying,
39
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,149
"I would win
this so easy."
I would.
40
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,384
If these hands can
restart a human heart,
41
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,686
I think they can build a raft.
42
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,790
Come on, Andrew. We don't want
to be late for racquetball.
43
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,159
Shake a leg.
44
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,260
Don't shake your leg, Dad.
45
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,827
Who knows what'll fall out.
46
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:37,265
Dad, I'm playing racquetball
with you guys tonight.
47
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,434
What?
Just tell him.
48
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,270
No. He can't keep a secret
from my mother.
49
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,138
I can so. I never told her
we had that party in high school
50
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,739
and you threw up
in the piano.
51
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:49,277
I knew that was
too much vomit for a cat.
Dude.
52
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,212
Well, I haven't told Mom, and
I won't tell her about this.
53
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,646
So come on, what is it?
54
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,348
We don't really
play racquetball.
55
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,484
We go out for
steaks and Scotch.
56
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,487
And Mom can't know 'cause
it's against doctor's orders.
57
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,488
You're a doctor.
58
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,622
Not his doctor.
59
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:04,858
Besides, the amount of time
a monthly steak and Scotch
60
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,294
shave off his life
is very minor.
61
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,329
It's shaving time
off my life?
62
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,798
Just at the very end.
63
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,266
How long have you
guys been doing this?
64
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,635
Oh, for a few glorious years.
65
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,704
it makes me feel so alive.
66
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,439
JUDY:
Oh, Josh, there you are.
67
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,542
Nick said you were on your
way up, but I didn't see you.
68
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,945
Harry, you know you're
supposed to watch your sugars.
69
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,947
Okay, Mom, I need to
talk to you for a sec.
70
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,382
Sure.
71
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,551
(coughing):
Don't blow it.
72
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,853
So, I was thinking about
73
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,788
maybe spending some time
with Dad tonight.
74
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,557
Sure, after we watch Survivor?
75
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,192
No, instead of.
76
00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:39,793
(gasps)
77
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,229
I feel like Dad misses me.
78
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,830
Whenever I talk about
spending time with you,
79
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,199
he gets this hangdog,
pouty look.
80
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,535
Oh, sweetie, that's
just his face.
81
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:53,474
Yeah, but it's even hangdog-ier
and poutier than usual.
82
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,343
So as much as it
would kill me to miss our--
83
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,678
whatever you call
our time together.
84
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,648
Well, I've heard some people
call it our date night.
85
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,782
(both laugh)
86
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:04,318
All right, darling. You go
spend time with your dad.
87
00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:07,388
Tonight we have an
open relationship.
88
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,223
She said yes.
89
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,925
Congratulations.
Where are you guys registered?
90
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,262
No, for racquetball.
91
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,697
And I'm gonna watch
Survivor by myself
92
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:17,998
and throw out all of
Daddy's underwear
93
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,733
that has lost its elasticity.
94
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,402
Eve's watching
the same show.
95
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,870
Why don't you guys
watch together?
96
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,772
You never spend time alone.
97
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,440
Uh...
Uh...
98
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,009
That's fun.
(chuckles)
99
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,512
Oh, you know what?
I should probably stay here
100
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,281
because of Wyatt.
101
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,516
Yeah. And I should be
in my apartment because,
102
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,885
uh... that's all.
103
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,888
Eve can bring the baby monitor
over to our place.
104
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,856
(quietly):
Damn it, Harry. Wh...?
105
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,358
All right, I'm gonna go
put on some sweats.
106
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:45,626
And I'm gonna go
hide the underwear
107
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:46,927
that I want to keep.
108
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,362
(door closes)
109
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,597
This is a terrible idea.
110
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,898
You know I can't be alone
111
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,566
with your mother.
We need a buffer,
112
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,969
like you or Josh
or a large continent.
113
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,038
You're just gonna sit there
and watch TV together.
114
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,873
How bad can it be?
115
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,875
Eve, do me a favor,
wear socks tonight.
116
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,911
Your second toe freaks me out.
117
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,415
It's too long to be a toe
and too short to be a finger.
118
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,450
Did you hear that?
119
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,453
Babe, to be fair, that
toe has four knuckles.
120
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:15,289
Sometimes in bed at night,
it wraps around my ankle.
121
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:17,057
(laughing):
Stop it.
122
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,992
All right, fellas.
123
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,894
Let's do this.
124
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,364
Let's do it, but remember
it's a secret, so be cool.
125
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,798
Please. I'm the coolest.
126
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,634
Have fun at racquetball.
127
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,502
Yes, we will have
fun at racquetball,
128
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,638
because that's what we're
doing, playing racquetball.
129
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,640
That's why we have these
racquetball racquets...
130
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,575
(muffled speech)
131
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,645
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
132
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,813
* Come on,
won't you take me home? *
133
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,491
Jerry, my man.
134
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:51,659
How's the wife?
135
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,761
Still hates my new girlfriend.
(laughs)
136
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,597
We'll take our usual
spots at the bar.
W-Wait. The bar?
137
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,432
Yeah, we always sit at the bar
and watch the game.
138
00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:00,368
No. We should sit a nice table
139
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,370
where we can see each other
and chitchat.
140
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,838
Everything about that sentence
makes me want to slap you.
141
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,775
And the bar's our thing,
right, Dad?
142
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,843
I'm torn.
143
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:13,347
I do love the bar,
but I also love chitchat.
144
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,782
Good call, Joshie.
145
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,116
Loving this table.
146
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,351
Yeah, it's great.
147
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:19,820
Except for the full penis
148
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,989
that just dragged across
my back.
149
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,992
*
150
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,504
Hey.
151
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,838
Hey.
152
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,710
D-Did you have any trouble
getting here?
153
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:45,513
I live directly
across the hall.
154
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,582
But, yes, a little.
155
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:51,452
So why are we doing this?
156
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,687
I don't know. Never
hanging out alone together
157
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,423
is kind of our thing.
158
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,490
It's totally our thing.
159
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,758
We need a buffer.
160
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:58,826
That's what I told Andrew.
161
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,394
Yeah, what was Harry thinking?
162
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,430
I mean, ten million people
watch Survivor--
163
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,432
we all should be best friends?
164
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,167
I would rather be stranded on
that island then be here.
165
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,403
You want to know something?
166
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:12,540
I spent the last ten minutes
trying to throw my back out.
167
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,075
I tried to throw
myself down the stairs.
168
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,178
Oh, God. We really don't want
to hang out together, do we?
169
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,014
Not at all. Shall
we have some wine?
170
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,451
I don't see how else
we'll get through it.
171
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,622
This is exactly
what I needed.
172
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,124
Hanging with the boys.
Bro-ing out.
173
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,893
All right, so what
are we thinking?
174
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,496
Get a bunch of apps, do a
little three-way split-skees?
175
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,799
Uh... sure, if we were
flight attendants
176
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,469
trying to make the most
of our layover in Tampa.
177
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,071
Dad and I always
178
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,573
get the porterhouse
for two.
179
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,475
Okay, relax. You
have your steak.
180
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,943
I'm actually thinking the Dover
sole looks light and tasty.
181
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:53,547
The flight for Tampa
is now boarding.
182
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:54,948
The Dover sole looks very good.
183
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,450
Maybe they'll make it for two.
184
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,551
Yeah.
They don't.
185
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,720
But there is enough
of me to go around.
186
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,788
(all laugh)
187
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,155
I-I don't...
188
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,525
Oh, no. Oh, sorry.
Inside joke.
189
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:06,527
Well, well, bring Josh
inside the joke, Andrew.
190
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,795
He'll love it.
191
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,664
Okay. Uh, well...
(clears throat)
192
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,966
First time we came here, there
was this bachelorette party,
193
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,836
and they were all hitting
on me, 'cause, well, obviously.
194
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,738
And I was like, uh,
195
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,473
"Don't worry, ladies.
196
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,509
There's enough of me
to go around." (laughs)
197
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:26,514
Oh, is that the joke?
198
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,482
Hearing it again,
it's not that funny.
199
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,486
Oh, God, this table.
200
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,555
If I wanted this much
wang in my life,
201
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:37,625
I would have stayed
in that urology rotation.
202
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,627
Sounds like there's enough
of him to go around.
203
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:42,095
(laughing):
That's funny.
204
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,498
JOSH:
I know.
205
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,166
God, I love Survivor.
206
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:49,537
Ooh, hot paralegal's boob
is about to pop out again.
207
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,672
Hmm. The pixels
are on delay.
208
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,674
I saw some nip.
209
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,277
(Wyatt crying over monitor)
210
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,979
You stay, I'll go.
211
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,514
No, it's okay.
212
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,986
Aren't you
gonna go to him?
213
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,055
Oh, no. We're
sleep training.
214
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:11,191
"Sleep training,"
that's a fancy way
215
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,561
to describe child neglect.
216
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,629
It's not neglect.
I'm a pediatrician.
217
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,565
I've read many books
on the subject.
218
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,799
Oh, you're right,
you're right.
219
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,301
You're the mother,
you parent as you see fit.
220
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,971
Thank you, Judy.
More wine?
Mm-hmm.
221
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,174
Oh, yeah. We're gonna
need another bottle.
222
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,645
Oh, God. Here come
the meat sweats.
223
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,981
This is too much steak
for one man.
224
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,316
Yeah, that's why it's called
the "porterhouse for two."
225
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,219
I'm gonna have to do
a bypass on myself.
226
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,988
Why don't you take
the rest to go?
227
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,856
Because, dummy, we're supposed
to be playing racquetball.
228
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,592
We can't risk Mom
smelling steak.
229
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,560
Well, if you eat all
that, there'll be...
230
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:47,895
too much of you to go around.
231
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,997
Fantastic.
He brought it full circle.
232
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,565
Yeah.
I got to pee.
233
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,268
Oh, it's nice
seeing Dad so happy.
234
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,904
Yeah, dream come true.
235
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,271
Dude, you've been
acting weird all night.
236
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,339
What's your problem?
237
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,941
Oh, I don't know.
238
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,010
Dad's eating fish,
you jacked my inside joke,
239
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,845
you made us sit
at this table where waiters
240
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,581
have rubbed their junk
across my back so many times,
241
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:10,217
I know them all
by their genitalia.
242
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,120
How you doing, Roberto?
243
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,257
Well, look, if it's making
you so uncomfortable,
244
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,358
let's switch seats.
245
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,860
At this point,
if it wasn't happening
246
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,662
I'd probably miss it.
247
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,363
And it's not just
about the chair.
248
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,232
You're making this night
all about you.
249
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,634
Okay, calm down.
From now on,
250
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,301
the night can be
all about you, okay?
251
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,804
Hey, hey.
It's Josh Roberts.
252
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:34,241
Josh, this is Massimo,
the owner.
Ah.
253
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,309
Hey, I love that Blind Cop.
254
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,646
I tell you, he
couldn't see a damn thing.
255
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,914
Massimo wants a picture
with you to put on the wall.
256
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,282
Yeah, sure.
257
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,317
Of course.
258
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:47,320
HARRY:
One, two, three.
259
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:51,124
Uh, another Scotch, please,
Steve.
260
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,394
Well, I looked in every closet
261
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,163
and every drawer, and I can't
find the green blanket
262
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,298
that you are
currently under.
263
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,399
Oh, I found it.
264
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,068
You could have told me.
265
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:05,272
Oh, well, you were having
such fun looking for it.
266
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,340
(Wyatt crying softly)
267
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,843
Was that you?
Yeah.
268
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,411
I, uh, am very upset
269
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,346
that they're gonna vote Paula
off the island.
270
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,082
(Wyatt crying)
271
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,785
Aah! Aah! Oh-oh-oh.
272
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,087
Oh. Oh.
Oh, my God.
273
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,022
I can't believe
you went and got him.
274
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,824
Well, he was crying.
275
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,093
Judy, I am a pediatrician.
276
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,762
Is how you start most
of your sentences.
277
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,699
Well, forgive me for believing
278
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,433
that a suffering baby
should be comforted.
279
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,302
Well, forgive me for believing
280
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,437
that a child needs to learn
to comfort himself.
281
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,972
Otherwise, he might grow up
282
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,808
to be an overly dependent
mama's boy
283
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,876
who lives next to his parents.
284
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,112
I know you're trying to hurt me,
285
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:48,215
but everything you said
just makes me prouder.
286
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,684
I'm going to take
Wyatt very gently,
287
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:53,386
but in my heart, I am
ripping him from your arms.
288
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,822
(Wyatt cries)
289
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,857
Well, now you've upset him.
Aah!
290
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,792
Why did I ever come over?
291
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,361
I should have begged to go with
Harry and Andrew like Josh did.
292
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,997
Wait. Josh begged them?
293
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,198
Yup.
294
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,069
That was the best
secret steak night yet.
295
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,704
Oh, I agree,
296
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:12,005
except for every other one.
297
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,473
All right, give it a rest.
I won't come next month.
298
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,475
Great!
Great.
Stop it, Andrew.
299
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,477
Of course you will.
300
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,247
Josh, you're now part of a great
tradition that will never die.
301
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,749
(elevator bell dings)
302
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:29,890
Josh, I'd like to speak to you
in your apartment, please.
303
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,261
We're dead.
304
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,203
I can't believe Mommy knows
about secret steak night.
305
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,372
I blame Josh.
You must have told her!
306
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,107
When would I have told her?
I was with you the whole night.
307
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,742
You went
to the bathroom twice.
308
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,177
Are you sure
you weren't texting your boo?
309
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,779
(fake laughs)
You're hilarious.
310
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,780
Well, then
how does she know?
311
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,014
Well, don't look at me.
312
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,917
I haven't known
how she knows for 50 years.
313
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,219
Clearly, she knows, and she
wants to speak to Josh alone,
314
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,022
because he's a mama's boy who's
weak and spineless. No offense.
315
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,191
That was a rough ride
to "no offense."
316
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:07,527
No matter what she says,
you deny, deny, deny,
317
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,862
and you stick
to the story.
318
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,230
What's the story?
319
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,099
We played racquetball.
320
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,767
We had a little tournament.
321
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,936
Obviously, I won
every game.
Why did you win?
322
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,405
'Cause we want the story
to be believable.
323
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,774
After the last point,
Josh started crying.
324
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:23,777
No, I did not.
You tried
to hide it, but we saw you.
325
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,445
No, I didn't.
I shook your hand
326
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,815
like a gentleman even
though you cheated.
How did I cheat?
327
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,482
You kept calling
my serves out.
They were out.
328
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,952
They were on the
line! They were on...
Boys! Boys! Boys!
329
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,821
How did I do?
330
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,255
Obviously,
you beat Josh.
331
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,824
JUDY:
Josh?
332
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,058
Okay, relax. I'm
not gonna crack.
333
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,426
This is what I do.
I'm an actor.
334
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,261
Then act like a guy
who can lie to his mother.
335
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,930
And who got his ass
demolished in racquetball.
336
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,932
I did not...
Just go, go,
go, go!
337
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,133
Okay, I'm going.
338
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,349
How was racquetball?
339
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:05,085
Racquetball was good.
340
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,154
(smacks lips)
Good.
341
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:10,023
Good, good, good,
good, good, good.
342
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:16,463
And your father, um...
343
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,866
did he enjoy it?
344
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,534
Yeah. Yeah, I think he had fun.
345
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:25,906
Uh-huh, because
that's why you went.
346
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,841
Right?
347
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:30,043
So he could enjoy
time with you?
348
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,281
Uh-huh.
349
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,384
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh, uh-huh,
350
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,953
uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
351
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,955
Would you like
a glass of water?
352
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:45,558
Yes, that would be...
As would I.
353
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,996
(sighs)
354
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,031
And were you able to have fun?
355
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,366
Yeah, it was fun.
356
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,302
Oh. That's odd,
because I thought
357
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,204
you really wanted
to stay home with me.
358
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,006
No, no, no.
No, I did. I-I did.
359
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,041
Well, which is it?
Did you have fun,
360
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,876
or did you wish
you were with me?
361
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,912
Hmm?
Moments of fun,
362
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,981
punctuated by long bouts
of deep yearning
363
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,883
to be...
Ah, cut the crap!
364
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:13,220
Eve told me you begged
to play racquetball.
365
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,956
Eve! Of course.
That's who told you.
366
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,925
And it wasn't about
being with your father.
367
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,393
(voice breaking):
You just didn't want
to spend time with me.
368
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:23,330
Wait. That's what
you're mad about?
369
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,665
Well, what else would it be?
370
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,335
No, no. Nothing.
371
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:32,105
Andrew's gonna kill me, but you
deserve to know the whole truth.
372
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,574
I destroyed him at racquetball.
373
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,010
Josh is gonna confess
everything.
374
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,079
He will start
with me puking in the piano,
375
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,914
and end with secret freakin'
steak night.
376
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,116
And when he does,
she's gonna hug him and love him
377
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,585
for being the good, honest one,
and I'll take the fall.
378
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,954
That's how it's always been.
379
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,521
Did you not hear me, Andrew?
380
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,390
Your mother kidnapped our child.
381
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,992
Did you not hear me?
382
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,660
I'm not 100% happy right now.
383
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,965
So, you're not mad?
384
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:01,034
No, but in the future, if you
need space, just tell me.
385
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,303
I'll understand.
Uh...
386
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,373
Well, I'll try |
to understand.
387
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,943
All right, I won't understand,
but I'll accept it.
Ah...
388
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:12,479
I'll try to
accept it.
Okay.
389
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,481
We didn't play racquetball.
We went out for steaks
390
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:17,317
and Scotch, and I'm telling you,
so I'm the good one.
391
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,954
I also puked in your piano.
You are loving me.
392
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,991
You didn't play
racquetball?
393
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,392
She had no idea.
394
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:30,297
Well, it appears
I owe you a piano.
395
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,099
Just coming in
to say good night.
396
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:35,335
Pretty tired from racquetball?
397
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,737
She knows, and I wasn't
the one who told her.
398
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,273
Was it me?
(Judy scoffs)
399
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,175
Not only did you
all lie to me,
400
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,144
but you took your
father out to a dinner
401
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,113
that could shave
years off his life?
402
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,982
MEN:
Just at the very end.
403
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,250
Harry, come on.
Let's go.
404
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,019
You're gonna work off
those extra calories
405
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,453
on my recumbent bike.
406
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,122
Recumbent bike?
407
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,290
That's the lying down one.
408
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,759
I'll be back to deal
with you two.
409
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,628
(door closes)
ANDREW:
I knew it.
410
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,196
I knew you'd ruin
this night for me.
411
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,465
Dude, you're the
one who blew it, and
412
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,035
what's the big deal? We'll find
something else to do with Dad.
413
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,336
You don't get it, Josh.
414
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,172
Secret steak night was
my special thing with Dad.
415
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,041
Once a month,
I get him all to myself,
416
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,543
we talk about life
and my job and being a dad.
417
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,178
And he'd be all proud of me.
418
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,280
Andrew, I wasn't trying
to take all that away.
419
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,215
I just wanted a break
from the love affair
420
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,017
everyone thinks
I'm having with our mother.
421
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,452
Yes, we're all aware
you're Mom's favorite,
422
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,288
but Dad and I got a lot closer
while you were in L.A.,
423
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,689
and now you're back,
and... whatever.
424
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,124
I guess you'll get him, too.
425
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,559
(door opens)
426
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,095
All right, your father's
been dealt with.
427
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:38,465
Is... is he dead?
428
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,501
No. And now he has a chance
to live longer
429
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,170
because you won't be
taking him out
430
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,704
to any more decadent dinners.
431
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,139
(scoffs)
I'm very disappointed
432
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,041
in both of you boys.
433
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,676
Wait.
434
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:53,513
Don't blame Andrew.
The whole thing was my idea.
435
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:56,749
What?
I made them skip their
usual racquetball game.
436
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:59,219
Andrew had nothing
to do with it.
Really?
437
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,420
Yeah. In fact, he totally
wrecked the night
438
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,422
by convincing Dad
to order fish.
439
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,092
This is very unlike you, Josh.
440
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,527
Yeah. Yeah,
I was, uh...
441
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,229
surprised
by his behavior, too.
442
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,098
I can't believe you would
443
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,700
sacrifice your father's health
for your own pleasure.
444
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,535
She raised you better
than that, man.
445
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,504
I'm sorry, Mom.
446
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,240
I guess it's better if
I no longer join them
447
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,075
on their...
racquetball nights.
448
00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:23,710
Yes, I think that would be best.
449
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,445
Now I have to go make sure
450
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,247
your father hasn't fallen asleep
on that bike.
451
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,519
Thanks, man.
452
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,122
That was a cool thing to do.
453
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,856
Yeah. No problem.
454
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,226
I can totally see
why Mom fell for you.
455
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,628
Okay. Okay.
456
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,441
There were four of us,
and there were four wonton,
457
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,277
and Helen ate two of them. Hmm?
458
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,279
Well, did you tell her
she could?
459
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:03,116
Well, yes, but it was just
a test, and she failed.
460
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,452
You're still talking
about Helen and the wonton?
461
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,187
That was
three weeks ago.
462
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,657
I can forgive,
but I will not forget.
463
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,393
Ready, Pops?
Yes, I am.
464
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,627
So, big night, huh?
465
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:16,496
Yup, it's the final
Tribal Council.
466
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,231
No, no, no. I meant
for you and Mom.
467
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,200
You finally reached that point
in your relationship
468
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,502
where you either have
to break up or put a ring on it.
469
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,137
HARRY:
Ooh!
470
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,406
Good one, Andrew.
JOSH:
Yeah.
471
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,275
Have fun tonight.
If you run out of balls,
472
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,610
I'm sure your buddy Roberto
has an extra set.
473
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,615
(door closes)
Ah, finally.
Just the two of us.
474
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,417
I love date night.
475
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,319
Let's stop
calling it that.
476
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,188
I like calling it that.
477
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,156
Yeah, I'm gonna go get
Eve to watch with us.
478
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,325
Make sure she wears socks.
479
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,227
Her long toe freaks you out,
too?
480
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:50,163
That thing is like
a bendy straw with a nail on it.
481
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:52,432
Yeah, it's like E.T.
phoning home.
482
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,301
And it really stares at you,
doesn't it?
483
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,803
(laughing):
Yeah, it does.
You know what?
484
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:59,172
This is nice.
Eve's good over there.
485
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:01,908
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la. *
486
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,919
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
487
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:13,753
CaptCaioptneiod nebyd
Me diMea diAca ceAcssce Gssro G
acceacssce.wssgb.wh.gborh.gor
488
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:14,687
g Captioning sponsored by
CBS
489
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,190
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
490
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:19,659
* La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la *
491
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,229
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
492
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,731
* Come on,
won't you take me home? *
36273
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