Original subtitles

What do you say, Uncle George?

You all want to borrow how much?

I told you.

We want to borrow 25,000.

To buy a stock car and go off racing around the dirt

tracks at county fairs.

Could win a lot of money.

We'll pay you back.

Probably pay it all back inside a year.

What do you say?

What do I say?

I say no.

That's what.

In fact, I say hell no.

Now I sure am sorry to hear you say that, Uncle George.

Which-- which one are you?

It don't really matter much now, does it?

Oh, Milt, thank God you're here.

He is in there, and that thing is sticking up right

out of the middle of his back.

Oh, they did it to him.

I know those--

Take-- take it easy.

Oh, easy now, Ms. Mary, there's no rush.

I'm sure old George, I reckon, isn't going to get up

and go anywhere.

So if you'll just take it easy now,

and take Eddie and me in and show me where he is.

In there in the den, and he is dead.

That's where he is.

Well, then let's go in and take a look at him.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah.

Yeah, he-- he's dead, all right, just like you said.

Uh, Eddie, why don't you see if you

can lift some prints around here, particularly

off the handle of that knife?

Well, I'll try, Milt. But, uh, I don't think your perpetrator

is going to leave any prints on the instrument of death.

You know, nowadays, your perpetrators, see, they

take about two seconds killing.

Then you got five minutes of wiping.

Yeah, well, see what you can do.

See what you can do. - All right.

Ms. Mary and I want to go in the other room in here

and have a nice little--

little visit, all right?

Come on, Ms. Mary.

Well, uh, now why don't you just sit right down here, Ms. Mary,

and make yourself comfortable, huh?

OK?

Well, I reckon you want to know what I saw.

I'd sure appreciate it.

Well, I had just gone out to the barn.

We've got small hens that like to nest out there.

And I thought I'd gather some eggs for George's dinner.

Lunch, you city folks call it.

Oh, now, Ms. Mary, you can't hardly call me city folks.

Well, I found more than half a dozen.

As I came out of the barn, I saw him getting

in that fancy pickup of theirs.

They just--

You-- you seen who, Ms. Mary?

The twin.

The twin?

Which twin?

I don't know which one it was.

I've been George's housekeeper for 15 years.

I helped raise those two whelps when their mama and papa died,

and I never have been able to tell them apart.

But you're sure?

You're sure that you saw one of them running out of the house?

That's the God's truth.

And then I went in there, and I found poor, old George.

What's going on here, Sheriff?

Come on in here, boys, and sit down right over here.

I have some very bad news for you.

Sit down.

Hi, Milt.

Well, did you find out anything?

The, uh, instrument of death was

wiped, uh, clean as a whistle, just like I said it would be.

Ah.

Sheriff, what's he talking about, instrument of death?

Well, boys, your uncle is dead.

He was stabbed to death not more than 45 minutes ago.

Ms. Mary here found his body.

And she says that she saw one of you boys running

out of the house afterwards.

So it looks like I'm going to have to ask a few questions.

Now then--

Milt, we got to read them their rights.

Oh, oh, yeah, I keep forgetting.

Go on, uh, Eddie.

Read them their rights.

OK, here we go.

Uh, you have the right to remain silent.

You have the right to a lawyer.

If you can't afford a--

Of course, I guess you boys can afford just

about anything you want to now that old George is dead,

though.

Uh, but if you can't, then the county's

gonna pay for one for you.

That's it.

Are you boys willing to answer a few questions?

Sure.

OK.

OK.

Well, might as well ask you the big one.

Either of you boys kill your uncle?

Well, I didn't.

Me, neither.

Uh-huh.

Well, uh, I guess I better ask you another big one.

Which one of you boys is going to get

all of that George's money now that he's dead and gone, hmm?

Well, I'll get half.

And, uh, I'll get the other half.

And just how much would that half come to?

I mean, about, it don't have to be accurate.

A couple of million, each.

At least.

Each.

Uh, I-- I heard that-- that, uh, that old George kept you

boys on a pretty short string.

I mean, uh, just an allowance, and that was about all, right?

50 bucks a week.

And room and board.

And all we had to do for it was put in about 60 hard hours

a week around his place.

We figured it out one time, didn't we?

He was paying us, oh, maybe $0.85 an hour.

Hmm.

Do either one of you boys, uh, remember where

you were about 45 minutes ago?

That would make it, uh, yeah, high noon, straight up.

Damn thing.

Sure, I remember.

I was at the, uh, Corral Bar, on Route 61.

Anybody see you out there?

Yeah, yeah, Sally saw me, Sally Fenton.

What time does the bar open up?

Oh, Milt, uh, 11:30.

About when did you leave this Corral Bar?

Oh, about, uh, 12:30.

Uh-huh, where'd you go?

Well, I went down to Al's to pick him up, and here we are.

And here we are.

You-- you're, uh-- who-- who are you?

Which one are you?

Who are you?

I'm Donald.

You're Donald, and you're David.

All right, David, all right, where were you 45 minutes ago,

about, uh, straight-up noon?

At Al's Garage?

Hell, no, I wasn't over at Al's Garage.

I was at the Corral Bar.

Ask Sally Fenton.

She'll tell you.

What?

Are you trying to tell me that both of you

were at the same place, the Corral Bar, at the same time?

He wasn't there, but I was.

I don't know where he was, but I can prove I was there.

Oh.

Oh, you're cute.

Oh, you're damn cute, you are.

You're both going to maintain the same alibi, hmm?

Looks that way, doesn't it?

Well, one of you is lying.

Well, I ain't.

Me, neither.

Me, neither.

What do you make of it?

I think it's like you said, Milt. I mean, it's cute.

It's real cute.

Yeah.

Let me trot this past you.

These two yo-yos get together, and they decide--

agree-- to murder their uncle, old George, for his money,

right?

A couple million bucks apiece, that's a pretty good motive,

huh?

Except everybody would suspect them first, right off,

first thing, huh?

So what do they do?

They do the impossible.

They are both in the same place at the same time,

and each one of them has got a witness to prove it, hmm?

Cute, huh?

Real cute.

Well, it's, uh, it's going to be

up to the law to decide which one you were where and when.

And I guess it's going to be up to us to prove which one of you

did it.

All I know is that I think one or probably both of you

are lying in your teeth.

Hey, Milt, I got an idea here.

Let's hear it.

Well, what say we, uh, run both of these boys over there

at that Corral Bar with us, huh?

You mean let that little barmaid

over there take a look at them?

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Oh, wait.

What about their lawyer?

Well, he's over there in Brightsville.

I don't see a way in the world he could be

here within the next two hours.

We just might have it cleared up by then.

Well, no, we-- we can't force them to do it.

I mean, we can't make them do it.

No, but we could, uh, ask them,

you know, real polite-like.

Can't see any harm in doing that.

How about it?

Are you boys willing to go?

You mean out to the Corral Bar and see Sally?

Well, that's what I had in mind, yeah.

Do you have to put the cuffs on?

Well, no, I don't reckon I have to put the cuffs on, no.

You planning to make a run for it?

Why should I?

I ain't done nothing.

Me, neither.

Yeah, this has got to be out of your own free will,

you understand.

I ain't gonna force you to go.

OK.

Which one are you?

Donald.

You're Donald.

All right, David, what do you say?

You agree?

Yeah, I'm willing, so long as there ain't no cuffs.

You sure you ain't planning to make a break for it?

I mean, all this talk about cuffs?

Why should I?

I ain't killed nobody.

- Me, neither. - Me, neither.

All right, now you boys sit down right over here, right here.

Eddie, you keep an eye on them.

I don't trust them.

I think they're going to make a run for it.

Afternoon.

Hi.

Hi.

You're Sally Fenton, right?

Uh-huh, you're Sheriff Singleton.

Uh-huh.

So what's going on?

Well, you know old George Devon?

Um, I don't know him exactly, but I see

him in here from time to time.

Why?

Well, I'm looking into his murder.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's why I'm gonna have to ask a few questions,

Sally, if that's all right.

Sure.

You know the two boys over here, the twins?

Yeah, I know 'em.

Were either one of them or both of them

in here today around lunch hour, around 12:00 noon?

Uh, one of them was.

Which one?

He didn't say.

Didn't you ask him?

Well, I used to, but I don't anymore.

I mean, they were always lying to me, sort of joking,

you know.

So I just stopped asking.

Do you think that one of them killed their uncle?

Honey, I don't know who killed him yet, exactly.

That's what I'm trying to find out.

That's why I have to ask you all these kind of questions, OK?

Um, well, uh, the joker got here like, um, maybe, like,

15 minutes after I opened.

That's like, 11:45.

Joker?

Oh, well, that's what I call them both now, because they--

I mean, I have to call them something, you know.

They won't tell me their right names.

Uh-huh.

11:45, huh?

Yeah.

All right, then what happened?

Well, oh, it was just me and him, you know, here.

And he ordered a beer. MILT: A beer?

- Mm-hmm. - Draft beer?

Yes. - In a glass?

- Yeah. - Where is it?

What, the glass?

The glass.

I washed it.

I wash all of the glasses.

Why?

I got it.

Fingerprints, right?

Yeah, fingerprints.

Not even identical twins have fingerprints

that are exactly alike.

I'm sorry I washed them.

I--

Yeah.

Or am I?

Oh, now, honey, I--

I know-- I know how you might be feeling, Sally.

But this is murder, honey.

It-- it's bad, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So let's just move back a little, huh?

OK.

Uh, you, uh, are you sure that you got here at 11:30?

Well, I might have been a little bit late, you know.

Um, I had to go to the shopping center.

I had to buy, um, kitty litter, and I had to get

fish food for my goldfish.

And, um, oh, then I saw this belt in Jerry's window.

And so I had to buy it, of course.

So, um, I bought that.

And, um, well, I-- that couldn't have put me, like, you know,

four minutes late or so.

Belt?

Yeah, do you like it?

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's--

that's very pretty, yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Uh, listen.

Are you absolutely sure that there

was nobody else in the bar at the same time

that the twin was here?

No, just him and me.

Hmm.

Are you sure nothing else happened, anything,

anything at all, anything?

No.

No?

Well, no, I mean, they really--

that's about all.

Except, um--

Yeah, ex-- except what?

Well, see, it was just--

you know, I mean, since there was nobody else here, we just--

we just started fooling around a little bit, you know.

Oh.

I mean, nothing serious.

Uh, you'll forgive an old man's curiosity.

But, uh, just what exactly does non-serious fooling around,

uh, consist of nowadays?

Mm-hmm, you know.

Stop it.

Tell me.

No, you tell me.

Just kissing and hugging.

Just kissing and hugging?

Mm-hmm, that's all.

So just kissing and hugging?

Uh-huh.

Well, I guess it's not so much different nowadays.

No, I-- Hmm-mm.

No.

Do you remember which twin it was that you kissed?

Well, no.

No?

No, hmm-mm.

Oh, you mean you've kissed both twins?

Sure, why not?

I mean, I like 'em, so I just let 'em kiss me.

There's nothing wrong in that, is there?

Oh, no, sugar.

No, nothing, not-- not a thing.

Did, uh, Sally tell you something interesting, Milt?

Well, she told me her version of your visit,

or yours, whatever.

Now I'd like to hear what you boys have to say.

Well, look.

If we're going to be here all afternoon, how about a drink,

huh?

Yeah, sure, why not?

What do you want?

Scotch and water.

And how about you?

Scotch and water.

Of course.

Eddie, will you order those drinks for me?

I'll have a beer.

And then, uh, call the coroner and, uh,

ask him if he's made up his mind yet about whether or not

old, uh, George was--

died of a stab wound?

I'll do that, Milt.

All right, boys, let's hear your version.

Mine?

Yeah, you, what-- what-- what-- you're--

Donald.

Donald, yeah, yours.

Well, I got here a little before 12:00, had a beer,

talked to Sally for a while.

And we, uh, we kind of fooled around a little.

Hugging and kissing?

Do you know, Sheriff, that's exactly what happened to me,

word for word.

Oh, you-- you're-- you're slick, you two are.

You're really slick.

Your whole scam depends upon nobody but nobody

being able to tell you apart, right?

I don't know what you're talking about, Sheriff.

Me, neither.

Yeah, but there's got to be a way.

There has got to be a way.

I mean, no two people in the world are exactly alike.

You don't believe that, do you?

Sure, I do.

Me, too.

Well, you would, wouldn't you?

But I've been thinking.

Here we go.

Got us, uh, two scotch and waters, a couple of beers.

Oh, and I talked to the coroner on the phone, Milt.

And it's definitely the knife that done old George in,

just like we thought it was.

I figured.

You've been thinking what, Milt?

I've been thinking, back when I was a young buck

about your age, racing around the country in my pappy's 1936

Ford convertible, chasing, chasing the girls,

back then, about 100 years ago, it began to dawn on me

that no two girls ever kissed just exactly the same way.

You know what old Milt here is?

Yeah, he's a regular Perry Mason.

You know what he's gonna ask us to do, don't you?

Sure do, kiss Sally.

What do you think?

Well, it ain't exactly the shabbiest way

I can think of to spend an afternoon.

Yeah, me, neither.

Think it will hold up in court, Milt?

That's my problem.

Sally, come on over here, honey.

I got a little favor to ask of you.

Sure thing.

Honey, this is going to sound like a very peculiar request.

But, uh, I want you to kiss these two boys.

Would you do that?

Um, in public?

Yeah, right out here in front of the good Lord

and us and everybody.

Uh, why?

Well, you see, sugar, I want you to try and remember

which one of the boys it was that you was fooling around

with in here today, you know?

Oh, yeah.

You think you can do that for me?

- Yeah, I can try. - All right.

If you guys are willing.

Oh, they're willing.

Oh, yeah, we're willing.

More than willing.

OK.

All right, who's first?

I think I ought to, seeing as I'm closer and all.

OK, sugar, pucker up.

That's enough.

By golly, I knew there was something I almost missed.

You sit right down there, son.

Now was that the way you got kissed today at noon?

Yeah.

Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm positive.

Well, I'm not.

Here, turn around here, honey.

All right, now put your arms around me.

Really, Sheriff, I can't--

Come on, honey.

Huh-uh-uh, uh, please, I'm not going to hurt you.

I'm just a harmless, old man.

That's it. Come on in.

Come on in closer. That's right.

Now he had his hand here. - Uh-huh.

And he was moving it down your back.

Yeah.

And he got down, and he held your waist

tight up against him.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

Are you sure?

Yeah, just like that.

And you just bought that belt today.

Uh-huh.

Take it off.

Touch nothing but the buckle.

Well, it don't matter because your fingerprints are going

to be all over it, anyway.

That's it now.

Hand it very directly there to Deputy Ream.

Well, what do you, Eddie?

You think that that patent leather is

going to hold any fingerprints?

Just like it was warm wax, Milt.

Sit over there, boy.

Go over there and sit right down next to your brother.

Sit down. You, too, sit down.

I'll bet the rent money that whichever one of you

didn't kill old George was in here

and has got his fingerprints all over that belt.

And while he was hugging and kissing here,

the other one was out at the ranch

there, killing poor, old Uncle George.

I-- I-- I--

I can't remember.

Which one of you is which?

I'm David.

The hell he is.

I'm David.

He done it, Sheriff.

He killed Uncle George.

He's lying. I didn't kill anybody.

He did.

We'll know soon enough who did it.

But you're both guilty of conspiring to do it

and aiding and abetting each other in that murder.

And neither one of you is ever going to get a chance to spend

one penny of that $4 million.