Original subtitles

The mind does anything

to stay in power.

It tells us

that without its presence

in everything,

we won't function.

We won't love or be loved.

So, notice the nasty tone--

-Oh, come on. -…the bullying voice…

Pass!

-…the mind abusing.

This is the frightened ego.

Frightened because…

Jesus Christ!

…what we are looking for, because the things

-it tells us are not truths, only stories. -Oh.

And while story needs mind and mind needs story…

-Mom? -Hey.

Mom, I have one bar of reception, and I'm at work.

I have to teach a guy to strangle me,

so I can't talk right now.

-Um… -Yeah, okay.

Yeah, actually, I can't talk either. Um…

The truth is very quiet.

I'm just calling 'cause, um…

I'm gonna be leaving reception any minute,

and I'm gonna be on a semi-silent retreat in the wilderness, so, um…

Yeah, so don't expect to hear from me.

…presence…

-Dyl? I lost you. Um… -…doesn't scream or hold us hostage.

-I can't hear you. But, bye. -It doesn't need us.

Bye-bye.

But it is here for us.

-There you go. -Thank you.

So…

The silence will begin at 6:00 p.m., following the welcome meeting.

There is no Wi-Fi outside of reception,

and it's a low-to-no technology retreat.

-Okay. -Ooh, also,

if you could sign… here,

just agreeing to be in the, uh…

-promotional DVD. -Yeah.

Uh, no, I don't wanna be filmed. That's why I didn't sign it.

Oh. Okay.

Well, uh, if you could motion to Mark from the film school…

-Hmm? -…he'll be behind the camera.

But you'll tell him too.

No, it's just I don't want my daughter or my ex,

you know, to…

see what I say, if I say anything.

I can make a note, but if you could tell him yourself…

I have a lot to be abreast of.

-So I'd appreciate that. -Sure. Okay.

Teamwork.

Um… So…

meeting room.

Yeah.

Bridge.

Maze.

And rooms are beyond.

Ooh. Any especially good?

-Room nine. -They're all the same.

Oh. I was just…

I'm… I was joking. It's a totally weak joke.

Yeah. 'Cause… See, we're here trying to get enlightened,

so it shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter.

I'll take a map.

Uh, there's some phone reception by the trash.

-Uh-huh. -It's only for emergencies.

Thanks.

Only for emergencies with technology and reception.

Oh, fuck!

If you need to talk, just call your dad.

Why would I call Dad? I never call Dad.

'Cause you won't be able to call me.

Okay. I think I'll manage.

I mean, I hardly ever call either of you.

Well, if something goes wrong…

You know your job's dangerous.

You know, accidents do happen.

Mom, can you not?

Well, actually, nothing kills you in New Zealand anyway,

-so I'll be fine. -Okay.

Sure.

I worry.

Yeah, I know, but can you not?

Because it actually throws me off. Please? Like--

Okay. Yes! I'm sorry.

Elmore's ready for stunt.

-Copy. Fuck. I gotta go. -Why, because of me?

No, because of work. I'm just late already.

Well, uh…

Look, I will text you

when the silence is over.

-Yeah? -Yeah. Okay.

Um, love you.

Have a good experience, and I hope you enjoy it.

Yeah. I mean, unless I decide to prolong it, you know?

If I don't text you, then don't contact me, I guess.

Okay.

-Love you. -Bye, baby.

You are not lost. You are not broken.

I invite you to begin this time…

without yourselves…

…without the stories that drove you here…

Yes!

…parked your cars…

…though I'm sure they are very compelling.

I invite us to be quiet…

to give ourselves permission to be…

a little mysterious.

Silence in the context of retreat

is not only about not talking,

it's an opportunity to no longer participate in socializing.

I encourage you not to smile at each other.

No winking.

No signing.

But…

you can use the board or come to Petunia or myself

if you're experiencing panic, of course.

Maybe see what happens, though.

Yes. Maybe see what happens if you let yourself feel that panic

on your own a little first.

It may not be…

all that it seems.

-Oh, uh, other hand. -Oh.

-Was that too hard? -No, it's fine.

But you don't need to squeeze, because I'm just pulling you.

True, true.

-All good. -Okay, I'll follow you.

That's right. And remember, you can't hurt me.

-I have full control. It's fine. -Okay.

-Ready? -Yeah.

Okay.

And… three,

two, one.

Oh, shit!

Are you…

Are you all right? What?

Nah. Nah. Don't do that to me.

-Don't. -No, it does hurt…

Sorry. Okay. No, that was great. You did really good.

Okay. All right.

Let's do it again.

-All right. Well, do you wanna try this? -Oh, yeah. So… Okay.

Ugh!

-Ow! -Nah.

Not twice.

You're absolutely mangling your apple.

Shh! I'm concentrating!

What are you doing to that apple?

That's not what I showed you.

Fuck!

This is not fair.

How?

Okay.

I wanna beat you at everything, so…

You are such a sore loser.

That's really something.

Two flightless birds for you.

Oh!

What the fuck?

Ow.

Fuck!

Hmm…

No. Breakfast is finished.

Hi.

Thank you for joining us.

Yeah, of course.

Great.

We've been a very quiet bunch here.

The airport was just a fiasco. I'm so sorry.

Good, good, good.

-It's pretty! -Yes.

-What room am I? -We've got you in room number nine.

-Cool. Thank you. -You're welcome. Follow me.

-Mm. -Good.

Where's Elon?

Uh, he's meditating.

Come, come, come.

There's no fucking way.

It's not complicated. That's four times now.

He wants you to die, like, a bit more slowly.

Yeah, after the first.

You need to go faster going up.

Then you take the arrow,

then you fall and you face more the camera,

so we can see you, all right?

-Yeah. -Cool.

We've done it four times, guys. Come on. We--

Okay. We're gonna go again, guys.

It doesn't work. They rehearsed for two days.

-Okay, last looks. -What is happening?

And… action.

Four, three, two, one. Go!

-And cut! No. -That's a cut?

It doesn't work. We've tried ten times…

Hey. Could you take a photo for me?

-Oh, it's over. -Oh.

Elon broke it.

Did you sleep in?

Um… My alarm didn't go off. Well, actually, it went… Oh.

Oh, it's fading.

Um…

Okay.

Can you take a couple?

Okay. How's that?

Oh, I'm in shadow.

Well, it's, um, backlit, so…

Are you a photographer?

No.

I've taken a few portraits, but, um…

-Thanks. -Sorry.

Mm.

Uh, my dad was a bully.

He was a small, aggressive, white Palagi man.

He stopped bullying me when I got bigger than him.

I begged my body to get bigger.

Mind control.

And now I'm supporting him financially,

'cause he's ill,

and 'cause he's my dad.

My… My sister made this comment about him,

and I didn't take it too well…

at all.

But I want to.

I'm ashamed,

and I'm afraid…

…of what she's going to say.

Yeah.

If he hurt her…

I'm gonna finish him off.

But not, you know, now,

'cause I've told all you guys our plan, so…

That'd be stupid.

Hmm. Did anybody connect?

Yeah.

Is that what we're gonna do, Elon?

Do what?

Enough doing.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Look what people have done so far.

Okay. Is there anyone else left who's willing to share a shame?

Or a secret?

I will.

Okay.

Thank you, Dion, for your honesty.

I'm humbled before you.

Oh, I… I don't wanna be filmed.

Okay. No problem. Turn it off. Turn it off.

So, I am filled with

shame upon shame…

…as I go ahead and reveal my shallow, insipid secret.

Um…

I know, um, that I'm young,

and that we're in a youth culture, and I have currency.

But I'm scared that it's all…

going to go away.

All right.

It will.

Trust your elders.

Right. But I know what it's like to have somebody…

analyze my body…

Not out of lust or love, but…

something reptilian in it.

And sometimes I can't finish sentences,

because I can't tell if they're looking or listening.

And I thought I would grow out of it, but…

I like to write suicide notes.

And I fantasize about my funeral.

And in the f…

In the fantasy,

I'm young.

And I don't know what they're looking at, but I…

I don't want it to disappear.

I'd rather be dead.

That's my shame.

I'm just…

wondering, Beverly, about these suicidal thoughts.

Oh. No, I mean… I have a while.

Hmm. Well, this…

This kind of illusion is, um…

It… It's the kind that has, um…

a built-in self-destruct mechanism. Okay?

So this ship

can only take you so far before it obliterates itself.

And me with it?

No.

No. You are the passenger, not the vehicle.

You are at an airport right now.

You know your flight will crash. Do not get on it.

Do not get on it.

-Yeah? -Right. Okay.

Although, sometimes…

crashing… crashing has its…

has its benefits.

Okay. Is there anyone left, um,

or have we all gone? We've all gone.

She wasn't here this morning.

Uh…

Well… I mean…

I mean, after that, I guess I'm kind of ashamed to be over 40.

It's not about you.

Mm, no. Just, um…

Well, you're young.

You'll see how it feels one day.

I'm…

Unless you…

-Kill myself? -No.

No, that's not what I meant.

Uh…

I mean, unless you're too enlightened.

Hmm.

Okay. Would you like to come up?

Mm. Okay. Sure.

Thank you.

Um…

Well, my parents were always, uh,

testing me for greatness

when well, when they weren't…

depressed or drinking all their money. Um…

But that sharpened me, I think.

I was sharp. Um…

Maybe I'm only sharp in a cutting way now.

Um, yeah, 'cause it used to feel like it was going somewhere.

You know, I played piano, and, um…

I was on this television show, when I was a teenager,

as a warrior princess.

I remember. Flora the Fierce.

It was solid.

Yeah. Thanks. Um…

And my parents, um,

they really wanted to be happy, and they just weren't.

Um, and…

Well, I wanted to be happy too, but I find it doesn't stick,

so, um…

I decided a long time ago that, um,

maybe being happy isn't it, maybe there's something more.

I think I've lived in tandem

with that "something more" ever since. Um…

So maybe

I'm ashamed that, um…

after all this time,

I'm still just in tandem.

Yeah.

And still just a…

greedy, needy, lazy, paranoid human living off the money

I made from a character that gave me an eating disorder.

I hope I'm funny, but, um…

I can be…

Well, I'm mean.

Well, sometimes I'm just a cunt.

Does anyone relate to this?

-Oh. -Oh.

Looks like you've discovered my smoking corner.

Guess I'm busted.

Oh, you smoke?

Mm.

I'm not a monk, I'm enlightened.

Just one a week.

Two puffs.

I thought enlightened people

weren't supposed to say they were enlightened, though.

Isn't that how us mere mortals can tell?

I've seen nuns smoke.

-I don't know. -I feel… Hmm…

You might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Enlightenment.

Do you think it won't?

I don't think.

Oh, you're smiling

a lot, actually.

It changes your… your whole face. It's…

It's wonderful.

So…

there is somebody.

Or nobody.

There's both.

-Both? -Yeah.

Okay.

How close have you been?

Me?

You said you feel like you were in tandem

with something more, so how close?

Oh, inseparable.

But then, somehow, I'm separated.

Well, you know, maybe it's both.

Hmm…

No.

Maybe.

Yeah, um, it's just,

there's a knowing that you're in another place

that isn't the everyday.

Why isn't it the everyday?

I mean, isn't there room for all of it?

It's enlightenment. It's… everything.

Yeah, it is everything.

At the same time,

there's a difference between actually being enlightened

and, like, now.

What's stopping you from being enlightened right now?

Mm.

Are you enlightened right now?

Yeah, I think even if I don't have consciousness of it

or, you know, the language, maybe, to explain it

in a way that's satisfying to you,

I think, yeah, it could really just be happening right now.

Hmm.

Well, as someone who's been on this path for a while,

I mean, I'm only speaking for myself--

We can all only speak for ourselves.

Who else would you be speaking for?

I am speaking for myself.

-I'm just saying that… -It is the nature of being.

…there have been moments where, um…

I have felt a true connection to everything that is.

You know? Moments, uh,

where I have been so supremely shaken and held,

um, that were both, um…

…inevitable

and miraculous.

But you know that it's not the everyday,

and you know that it isn't maybe.

This is what I'm saying.

Both!

I mean, that's what Elon just said in class, and you're repeating it.

But I'm saying it now.

-Both of us are saying it. -Yes. Yes, you are.

So do you feel like

the dissatisfaction comes from inside you?

Yes.

Mm.

Well, it sounds like you know what you need to work on, then.

No more.

What are you doing outside of your…

-Well, I just… -…warm haven?

My eye was drawn. Yup.

-Are you cold? -Uh…

I mean…

-We can go sit in the old… -…snow.

…sit in the thing, if you want.

Oh.

That's, that's, um… That's really nice.

We're not supp…

We're not allowed…

-…to go in the actors' trailers. -Oh, I won't tell anyone.

-The offer's there. -Thank you. So it's that way, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah. Or are you just going to the Portaloo?

Um… Cool.

Boss?

Oh, yep, all right.

Yeah, hey.

All right, I give up. Okay.

You have to take him. He's so fucking bored.

I know he is.

-He's so annoying. -Jay?

-Yes? -We're out. Let's go.

All right. You're heading out?

-Eh? -Right, then.

-Oh. -All right.

-I haven't got my shit. -You don't need your shit.

Just take your legs.

Are you sure?

I have nothing to say to you.

That's a good thing, yeah?

What are you sensing?

What?

You really are a disgusting specimen.

They leave you alone 'cause you smell.

You think you're gonna get away from me?

You won't.

I am you.

Morning.

How did you sleep?

Hmm.

Dreams.

How did you sleep?

Well.

Very well.

What did you dream?

That I was a piece of shit.

Oh, naughty mind, naughty mind.

Remember…

Don't think, Lucy.

Go into the anger.

What's there?

More fear.

Okay. Stay with the fear.

Really stay…

with the fear.

Stay.

What's there?

-Space. -Mm.

-Interesting. -Mm.

Thank you.

Is there anyone else?

Um…

Last night, I…

I felt like I was being poured out of a vessel, and…

I was terrified, but that was also pouring out of me.

And it was like…

…froth?

And it was all, like, mixing together,

and I was mixing together, and I became, like…

A café latte.

I don't know how to explain it.

You can't explain peace, Beverly. Just enjoy it.

Show the group your face.

What's awake in you can catch like a cold.

Mm.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Oh, thank you, Beverly. -Thank you!

A lot of peace in the room this morning.

So beautiful, isn't it?

In order to avoid confusion with other seekers,

I like to call this exercise

"newborn again."

So, each of you, find a partner, please,

and let your heart open to the gravitational pull of the other.

That's it.

Everyone found a partner?

There's an odd number.

Uh, I can sit out.

No, it's okay.

Oh!

Let the snogging begin.

-Elon! -No, I'm joking.

I'm very much joking. Sorry. Sorry.

No, really, um, what we're doing here is not quite that.

So, if everyone faces… the misty mountain.

Now, everyone on the right is a new mother,

and everyone else is a baby.

So, new mothers, grab a blanket.

-Babies, you can't walk or talk. -Mm.

…nor do you have control of your necks.

Mothers, your babies need swaddling,

and this is going to be the next hour of your life.

Sounds fun.

Um… I think you're the mother, actually,

'cause you're on the right side.

Oh. I'll be the mom…

Babies, this is your chance to feel freely.

There is no expectation on you.

Mothers, you will not be using an existing language

to soothe your child, but a made-up language too. Okay?

Your babies are gonna want things they don't even know they want yet.

Okay?

Oh, and mothers, you may whisper to each other

once every quarter hour

in, um, English or a tongue of your choice.

Okay.

Thank you, Mark. Thank you.

Baby bo-bo-boop-boop!

Did baby do a poo-poo?

Petunia?

-I think my baby did a-- -I did not poo!

-Please! -No, no, no, no, no!

Please! Please!

Please stop.

Um, babies…

Please stop.

…it's time to find

a baby…

who's not your mother…

Babies, find a baby, not your mother.

Now, mothers,

find your mother,

and tell her exactly what you mean to say.

Okay? Find your mothers…

and tell them exactly what you mean to say.

Find your mother, okay?

Whatever you're telling yourself is a lie.

I fuck who I want.

Just do it.

He's a cancer.

-What? -Um…

Okay. Sorry. I…

I'm your mom.

Just do what?

Just… kill yourself.

Beverly.

Beverly?

Beverly, I didn't mean you.

-Beverly! -No. No, no.

-Don't follow me! -Listen to me.

I meant my mother.

I don't care.

I meant my mom.

You're all pain.

And I tried to get to know you,

because I have a resistance to you, but no.

You are a toxic fucking nightmare.

Stay away from me!

Well, enjoy your room!

I hear it's a good one!

It is what you have known

that has brought you here,

to the precipice.

In this chapter, we will explore…

…the final frontier of the mind…

…and what, for the ego, can seem like disaster…

…or even annihilation.

No more.

I get it.

I'm nothing.

10,000.

9,999.

9,998.

9,997.

Elon!

-Yes, Petunia? -Can I get you anything?

No, thank you, Petunia. I'm perfectly well in here.

Okay.

Elon?

You never tell the story of how it happened any more…

your awakening.

No.

Is that a permanent decision?

People focus on it too much.

It won't help.

Would you tell me again?

No.

It won't help you, Petunia.

Fair enough.

It's just a story.

Yes.

Don't try so hard.

Okay.

Sorry.

Ah, okay. Hmm.

-Don't edit. -Hmm.

-Don't try. -Okay.

You are not broken.

You are enough.

How do you know?

I just…

I just know.

Mm, I hope you're right.

'Cause I wasn't enough for my mother…

or the father of my child

or my child.

In what way? What's--

What's the story?

To stay alive for.

To stay with.

My child, she still wants something.

And I don't know what it is.

And I'm scared…

…that I just don't have it.

So…

I hope you're right.

Don't hope!

Don't hope!

Be!

Never

ever

give in to hope.

Just be.

Do you want some water?

I just want to thank Elon and… and everyone. Um…

I feel giddy.

And Beverly, your face…

Thank you.

I don't know what's gonna happen next,

but I've surrendered to it.

It's like…

I'm talking, but what I'm saying…

might as well be nothing.

Nothing

might be better.

Maybe I have…

Maybe I have nothing to say.

Why don't you shut the fuck up, then?

No. No

No!

Whoa!

Oh, my God!

No surrender!

-I know-- -No more!

Get her!

No!

There's blood, lots of blood!

She could have concussion, or a spinal!

Oh, my God!

You know what, Dion? Maybe you should kill your dad.

He sounds like a real asshole.

Shut the fuck up.

Have you seen Elon?

No, she's the bad one. It's a citizen's arrest.

Citizen's arrests are not a real thing.

Okay, ten steps back.

This is a crime scene. We need to process.

She wants me to carry her to the car.

I'll go quietly if he carries me.

Otherwise, I'll pee my pants and shit myself if I can,

and that smell will be in your car.

Elon!

I think she means it.

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Bless you.

Grab, and turn.

Smash. Throw the arm.

Okay.

Stab, and grab.

Smash.

All right, one more, one more. Oops. No.

My bad. Sorry.

And three, two, one, action!

Wrong hand. Wrong hand. Wrong ha--

Oh, shit!

Dylan! Dylan!

-Anyone got eyes on her? -I can't see her.

Let's get some riggers down there. Let's go, please. Dylan, talk to me!

Dylan!

Dylan, talk to me!

Uh, we've got a head injury, concussion, GCS 12.

Yeah, at Paradise Hills.

At the film set.

No. Jeneane.

Give me one of those, please.

-For crying out loud! -Thank you.

It'll kill you too.

Not if I don't crush my brain with blood

from the inside first.

Oh!

Hey.

-I wanna kill myself. -No.

No.

Sorry I can't move. I'm not allowed.

Well, I don't wanna hurt you more.

I think you're being dramatic.

It was like a dream.

You don't know why you like it, but you do.

It's so strange.

You're strange.

-I'll come check on you later. -Okay.

When she fell, I was so worried.

She still has the wig on.

You'll have to see if they'll let you in the ambulance.

Well, I could just take the pins out and lift it gently.

No, I don't want anyone touching her head.

-Don't you guys do spare wigs? -She is the spare.

So this is gonna be all about rest,

that's no phones, no screens and no alcohol.

Um…

Meditation can be good.

And the concussion clinic's gonna fill you in with the details.

Oh, no blackouts at the halfway party, then.

Boring.

I love seeing who has surprise partners.

You don't act like you've got someone.

-Uh-uh. No, I don't. -Oh, good for you.

Elmore's girlfriend's coming.

Apparently, she's really nice.

Though, I never trust nice, eh?

Do you? Like, what even is nice?

Hang on, I'm just gonna…

Okay. All right. Let's hurry, then.

Sorry. No, not you. You don't hurry. Take your time.

Um… I think… I'm gonna walk.

-Really? -Yeah, I'm gonna walk.

-Are you sure? -Yeah, I feel like it.

Okay. Don't hit your face.

I think your phone's ringing.

Okay.

Dad?

Dylan, have you heard from your mom?

No, uh…

No, I haven't heard from her. She's in the US on some retreat

-and doesn't wanna be dis-- -Dylan, she's in jail.

She's gone to jail.

She hit a DJ with a chair, apparently.

Mom did what?

-Hello there. -Hello there.

-Lucy? -Yes.

I'm your public defender, Leonard Gow.

You can call me Leo, like the star sign, if you like.

Is it your star sign?

Um, no. It's Virgo.

Why? What does it mean?

Nothing.

What do you want it to mean?

That I'm… special.

You're very special.

My mom was always saying so.

So, uh, Lucy,

we have your arraignment in 15 minutes.

You wanna go to prison?

So, what, you're thinking you're going to play Gandhi, are you?

Nelson Mandela?

A middle-aged white lady who hit a model with a chair.

She's not just a model.

She's also a DJ and actually a very annoying person.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

Do I remind you of your mommy?

A bit, actually.

Is she dead?

Yes.

How did you know?

'Cause I'm dead too.

She could whistle so loud it would burst your eardrums.

Big laugh.

Was always very honest.

I bet she wasn't entirely honest.

How do you wanna plead?

I don't feel guilty.

-You almost killed her. -But you did…

But it was a really fucking good punch, by the way.

-Dyl Pickle, hi. -Came to check on you.

-Came… -I… Um…

You look… Okay.

Yeah, I think…

Well, I thought I was doing really well,

but I think I might be at quite a low point in my life.

Oh.

Are you open?

Like, as a person or…

Uh, no. Are you…

Are you in an open relationship?

No.

Mom.

Hi. I don't listen to these.

I feel so bad!

You're so cute. You're not as cute.

You're not as cute.

You're so cute. You're so cute.

You're cute too. You're a little bit cute.

Say it.

They're letting you go.

Have you heard things?

Heard what?

-Hey. -Nothing.

Go to bed, Dyl.

Don't tell me what to do.

Sorry.

That looks like a weapon. Can I take a look?

It's, um… It's just… It's a walking stick.

Just goes with my…

It's just a stick.

Hmm.

Thank you.

Oh, fuck.

Wake up. Wake up.

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

Wake up.

I'm sorry.

Welcome aboard Armstrong Airways.

If evacuating the aircraft,

passengers are required to leave all personal baggage behind.

All of it.

In the unlikely case of an emergency,

if you are experiencing panic,

try panicking on your own a little first.

And if the plane does make an unexpected landing,

remember to never give in to hope.

Excuse me.

I don't mean to disturb you, but the plane is crashing.

There might be something we could do.

-What? -We could… kiss?

I'm stuck!

Mom?

Could I have some chips, please?

-No. Get out, please! Please! -Beverly, come on.

-Mom's here to see you. -Get rid of her! Get out!

It's not her frickin' birthday, she's on trial. Fuck!

Mom.

What are you doing here?

I'm here to support you.

I'm all right.

Yeah, I'm okay.

Um, I have my lawyer.

He's very nice. Um…

He thinks I'm lovely, like his mommy. Could you imagine?

Um, I got you a present.

Thank you.

Can I get a room, please? The cheapest?

Oh.

We're fully booked by the wedding.

Can I stay in your room tonight, please?

Of course, my darling.

You look like a pirate.

That one's mine.

You want a hug?

Was it an accident?

You gonna hurt me?

Haven't I already?

Do you regret it?

I don't know, Dylan.

It just felt right in the moment.

Well, violence is not the answer.

It's not what I was looking for.

Your job's very violent.

It's not real. It's pretend.

Doesn't look pretend.

It doesn't solve anything.

Okay, well…

You smell. You should have a shower.

Mom, be serious.

Why'd you do it?

She was very fucking annoying, okay?

Okay. Well, that's actually not good enough.

Mm!

You're annoying too.

-Are you threatening me? -Mm-hmm. Maybe.

You can't take me.

I don't know.

I have more real-life experience than you.

-I'm bigger. -Mm-hmm.

And I'm stronger. And I'm-- I'm younger.

Uh-huh. And you're injured.

Hmm.

And you'll be injured.

-Mm. -I'm joking.

Same.

Oh, I'm so hungry.

You?

Um…

Can I have some of your pizza?

No.

Why not?

Because I asked you, and it's a mini pizza,

-and I'm tired and hungry-- -Please!

-Please. Please, please, please. -Uh-uh.

-I changed my mind. -No!

-No! -Ha-ha!

Oh, it's not very good, is it?

Here.

Oh, you hate me, don't you?

Hmm.

It didn't take very much, did it?

You're not showering?

Dylan.

What's going on?

Do you think I'm a bad mother?

Can you not do that?

Was I bad?

It doesn't matter.

I mean, you were bad sometimes, but you're not a bad person.

It's just bad behavior.

And what did you want from me?

I wanted you to get what you wanted or to get it for you,

so you would look at me like you weren't waiting to look away.

And when I was really little,

I thought you were trying to escape me, but…

You were just unhappy, right?

It was just a hard time.

In what ways was I bad?

You… You weren't.

Your, um…

Grandma was difficult, and she was complicated,

and then that just made it hard for you to give me…

what I needed.

What did you need?

Well, it's hard to think of, like, a specific thing

off the top of my head.

Um…

And you were quite needy, though.

Well, I was just struggling like a normal kid with…

normal depressive feelings,

and you told me that I was just like your mom

who tried to kill herself.

You did. You tried.

-You did try to-- -No, I didn't. It was for fun.

You hurled yourself off the neighbors' roof, Dylan.

No, into the pool for fun.

You ate all the sleeping pills and drank all of the alcohol,

and it was the shallow end.

No, it was the deep end.

And I had some sleeping pills,

and I drank so I could feel good and high.

And I was sad sometimes, but I thought I was gonna be okay.

And I wanted you to think I was gonna be okay too.

It was a fucking party.

It was eight o'clock in the morning.

And you were cutting yourself.

I'm sorry. You were cutting yourself with my Italian kitchen knives.

I did that twice.

And it was a cry for help, and I…

I don't communicate like that anymore.

Okay, well, see, that's what I'm saying, that is quite manipulative--

It was not 8:00 a.m. It was night.

I remember you pitching yourself off the roof,

and the sun was coming up.

I will never forget that.

Mom, what are you talking about?

You weren't there!

-Yes, I was. -No, you weren't!

Yes, I was!

Where was I?

You were on a retreat.

And when you came back, you told me that if I had died,

you would like to think

you would get over it.

Well, I'd like to think I would get over it.

I don't wanna be…

miserable because I love you. I wanna be free.

You are miserable.

And you are fucking free!

-Dylan, uh-- -No.

Hey!

Lawyer.

Breakfast.

Oh, here she comes.

This is my daughter.

Hello. I'm Dylan.

Hi. Leonard. I'm the lawyer.

-Nice to meet you. -You too.

I'm wearing the jacket.

Um…

What can I get ya?

I'm still thinking.

I'll have the vegetarian big breakfast with a side of…

-Does your gravy have meat in it? -Yeah.

Oh, never mind.

I'll get, um… a side of bacon.

Could you make it crispy but not burnt?

With what?

Um…

-I'll have the pancakes. -Mm.

-Do you have a special? -Uh, we might.

I'll go check the board. It's down the other end.

-Um… -Mom!

Yes, please.

What?

Can we get our coffee orders in first, please?

Oh, yeah. They normally take me a bit longer.

What do you want?

Um, black coffee, thanks.

Black for me too.

What kind of milk do you have?

We got all the milks.

Um, I'll have black too,

uh, with coconut milk on the side.

We don't have coconut milk.

Oh, um… soy milk, heated, please.

And you know what? I… Don't worry about the special.

I'll have the vegetarian big breakfast too.

With bacon on the side?

Yeah. Crispy, please.

If you're going that way, maybe just,

do tell me what the special is, 'cause maybe I will change my order.

Mm-hmm.

Uh… big V breakfast, pancakes,

big V breakfast with crispy bacon, or maybe the special…

Three black coffees, soy milk on the side.

-Heated. -Hot milk. Yeah.

And maybe the special.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

So…

Lucy, I have to ask you one thing.

Is it okay to do so in front of your daughter?

Yeah. Absolutely.

-Okay. -Hmm.

Did you say to Beverly Woods…

that she should kill herself?

I did.

But, I…

It wasn't her that I meant to say it to.

It was a role-play.

Okay. And who were you saying it to?

It was me… Wasn't it?

No.

No, it wasn't you.

Dylan, why do you act like I hate you?

Because you act like you hate me.

Well, uh, I certainly don't hate you.

Uh…

I love you. I…

I love… I love you more than life itself.

Um…

I was role-playing to my mother. Excuse me.

I just…

I have to go to the bathroom for a second.

Um…

What I did to Beverly was, um…

It was very unfair, and…

we should just do whatever's right.

Right, Leo?

Uh…

It's very good to hear that you're remorseful,

but right is, realizations aside,

kinda relative in the law.

I mean, you broke it, so you're already in the wrong.

Right.

Excuse me.

Are you okay?

-Okay? Sorry about this. -No. I've… I've seen…

Uh, that's not what I…

Hey, is there a bathroom out there?

Uh…

No.

Just the great outdoors.

Lucy!

Ugh!

It's gotta stop.

All this nonsense, all this cruelty--

Actually, you have got to stop, because you are the adult.

But you are an adult now too.

Dylan, you're…

You're gonna have to find a way to forgive me,

and then you're gonna have to find a way to forgive yourself

for taking so long to forgive me.

Look, what I should have said,

you are the fiercest and most terrifyingly alive thing

that could have come out of me.

And if you died,

I'd have to believe that I could get over it,

because I'm not sure that I could.

I mean, I'm barely managing to get over everything else.

Well, you probably should've said nothing of the kind.

You should've…

hugged me and gotten professional help.

But I appreciate it.

Right.

Right.

Fuck!

I mean…

Fuck.

I'm a fucking mess.

Mm-hm.

Well…

Shall we pretend we drowned in the river?

Just now?

Yeah.

We're ghosts.

-It takes the pressure off. -Mm.

I got it.

Ready?

I should've said, "Darling girl…

please,

take good care of yourself."

"I love you very much."

Yeah, I should've.

Mm.

She says the special is, um,

the, uh… It's, uh, eggs Benedict, um…

and hash with smoked salmon and…

capers and…

-Back to life. -…uh, wasabi mayo--

Back to life.

…and coleslaw.

Um, did you find your mom?

Yeah, she…

Mom!

What's on the other side?

Uh, Mt. Hypnos has wolves in the national park.

Mom, there are wolves!

I have to get her. Sorry.

Yeah, no. Yes, indeed.

-The cops might take the absconding badly. -Mom!

Hey. Hey! I grew up around here, and I know the area,

and would very much like to come, and…

Unless I am vehemently not invited.

Come on!

There's good hiking spots around here.

And you can drink from the streams above the cow dung.

Mom!

Oh. Almost full reception.

Lucy!

Mm.

Dinner.

-Filling, huh? -Mm.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Can I…

Yeah.

What if we're enemies…

…and we're in battle,

but we have a mutual fury and respect,

and today we fuck…

…and tomorrow we're at war?

Isn't it kinky enough

that you're seducing your mother's defense attorney?

No? Okay.

Okay. Um…

At last… to have you!

All right!

Do you have a condom?

No.

Lucy!

Um…

I know this place.

Yeah, you keep saying.

No, I do. Um…

There's a cave around here.

Mm.

Show me.

Lucy, are you in here?

Oh, hey. Uh, don't…

Don't go too far. I nearly died here.

Why?

Is there a dragon?

No, I, um…

I lost sight of the mouth trying to get to the other side.

For a while, it was dark,

and then I saw this light ahead, and I was so excited,

but it wasn't until I saw the trees

that I realized it was the same way I had entered.

Somewhere, I'd turned all the way around.

I was lucky. You can't tell where you're going.

You could go back and forth forever, thinking it's forward.

Dylan?

Come back! I know where your mom is!

-You okay? -Yeah.

Did you see something?

No. Um…

How do you know where she is?

She's on top.

She's got a phone?

Ugh!

Okay.

Hey!

Hey!

Dylan!

Ugh! Come down from there.

No.

-Fuck. -You come up here.

Can you please come down?

Come here.

Fine.

Hey, Leo.

Take a picture of me with my daughter before I go to jail.

You're not gonna… go to jail.

Yeah… Ugh!

Be yourself. Be yourself.

-I am being myself, so-- -Just be yourself.

-Got it. -Okay. Now a candid one.

Be how you would if you were alone.

-Happy? -Mm.

-How did we look? -Cute.

Oh, eyes closed.

Dylan not smiling.

Wrinkles.

Jowls.