Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,007
If you're gonna make me
pick you up,
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,095
I expect coffee.
3
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,836
There'll be one waiting
for you tomorrow.
4
00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:11,794
Any other requests?
5
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,448
Yeah.
Get your car fixed.
6
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:17,321
I'm gonna win you over, bro.
It's gonna happen.
7
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,672
Calling me "bro" shows the depth
of your miscalculation.
8
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,413
[Dispatch]
Truck 12.
9
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,676
Report of a small animal in
the attic at 187 South Kenzie.
10
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:25,808
Truck 12 responding.
11
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,335
Four play dates, a Spiderman
birthday party,
12
00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:34,121
two trips to urgent care...
and my parents are in town.
13
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,687
Let's just go ahead and say
that they have opinions.
14
00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,124
How was your weekend?
15
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,125
- Yeah, pretty good.
- Mmhmm.
16
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,475
I went to a club.
There were definitely drugs.
17
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:43,304
I woke up naked on some boat
near Whitby Island.
18
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:44,479
What about the other people
on the boat?
19
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:45,828
Also naked, yeah.
20
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:46,829
Right.
21
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,092
[Frank] Look, it's not personal.
22
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,355
I'm just a lone wolf type
of guy.
23
00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:54,837
All last year I had no partner
and it was... heaven.
24
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:58,493
And this is so much worse.
25
00:00:58,493 --> 00:00:59,624
So, I guess it is personal.
26
00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,150
- Hey.
- Mmhmm.
27
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,500
I'm thinking of getting
a puppy.
28
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,849
Look at her, Little Mabel.
29
00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:07,937
Why would you do that?
30
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,069
You have all the freedom
in the world.
31
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,070
Yeah, but I envy you sometimes.
32
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,158
I live alone.
33
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,463
It might be nice
to have a dog around.
34
00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,074
Well, I have two.
You could just have one.
35
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,553
One of them's incontinent
36
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,729
for that extra feeling of
agonizing responsibility.
37
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:18,861
If that's what
you're looking for.
38
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,516
Maybe I'll just get a bird.
39
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,127
Get a bird. Get a bird.
40
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:26,173
[Frank] Alright. You wait here.
41
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,436
There's a good coffee place
up the block.
42
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,395
Rookie always pays.
43
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:35,225
Oh. Yeah. Hazing recognized
and accepted.
44
00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:38,881
- So I'll take a cara...
- [door slams shut]
45
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,060
[knocks]
46
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,106
What's up?
47
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:47,846
Are you coming in?
48
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:50,545
Oh yeah, for sure. It's just...
just gonna be one minute.
49
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:51,937
I think my partner
will be right back.
50
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,504
I don't have a minute.
51
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,766
It's my 10th anniversary and
I surprised my wife with brunch
52
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,116
and whatever's up there
is killing the mood.
53
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,726
Whew!
54
00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,989
Listen, man.
It's my first week.
55
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,947
I should really wait for backup.
You know what I mean?
56
00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:04,124
Come on. My wife's libido
is very delicate.
57
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,126
Help a guy out.
58
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,783
Yeah, so my name's Fred
but everyone calls me Shred
59
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,221
'cause I used to be a
professional snowboarder,
60
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:16,875
mostly half-pipe,
a couple silvers at Nationals.
61
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,138
And then I tore my ACL.
62
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,748
How long is this gonna take?
63
00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:20,923
Not long at all.
64
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,230
If I had to guess...
65
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,145
it's probably just a sweet
little guy who...
66
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,581
[hissing]
67
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:27,495
[screams]
68
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:28,539
[thud]
69
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,586
My eye!
Your walkie went into my eye!
70
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,457
- I'm sorry, it's just...
- [groaning]
71
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,895
The teeth, it's like a tiny...
furry vampire.
72
00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:37,809
I underestimated...
73
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,724
- [squeaking]
- [both scream]
74
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,248
[screaming]
75
00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:43,989
Under... under the ottoman.
76
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,166
Okay. Everyone stay calm.
77
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,602
I got this.
78
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:51,432
It's okay weasel...
or whatever you are.
79
00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:54,043
We're gonna take you to
the coolest park in the city
80
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,698
and these people are
gonna celebrate.
81
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:57,742
Dude! Dude!
82
00:02:58,613 --> 00:02:59,179
[chitter sounds]
83
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,528
Bad choice.
84
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:01,529
[gasps]
85
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:02,704
What do we do?
86
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:06,751
Oh, little buddy.
87
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:09,754
I got this.
88
00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:11,800
- Oh!
- Oh!
89
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:12,975
Oh, come on!
90
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,326
- Go, go! Right here!
- [woman continues to scream]
91
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,504
We're not catching a break here.
92
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:23,638
[man] Ohhhh! It's under
the stuffed couch!
93
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:24,769
You gotta be kidding me.
94
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:28,338
Okay. Don't worry.
I got this. I got it.
95
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,005
- [chitters]
- [woman gasps]
96
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,313
On a scale of 1 to 10,
97
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,228
how would you rate
our service today?
98
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,230
[theme song]
99
00:03:50,230 --> 00:04:16,560
♪
100
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,089
I made muffins.
101
00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,569
Uh-oh. You want something.
102
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,876
What? No. Do you guys think
I do that?
103
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,356
Like I only bake
when I want something?
104
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,009
Aw, these muffs are
fresh out of the oven.
105
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,576
This is gonna be horrible.
106
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,361
No!
107
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,885
Yeah, I feel bad
but I need volunteers
108
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,930
to clean the kennels
this weekend.
109
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,932
There are nine dogs
at Giardia.
110
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,282
Whoever does it's gonna need
one of those counselors
111
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,544
they send to mass
shooting scenes.
112
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,720
I nominate Frank
given the weasel debacle.
113
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,243
He's the senior officer.
114
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,941
Yeah. Frank, I just got an
earful from the superintendent.
115
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:50,942
I was getting coffee.
116
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:53,118
I'm guilty of negligence,
not incompetence.
117
00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,381
It's a lower crime.
118
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,296
Came to gloat about
the weasel barbecue.
119
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:57,384
[all groans]
120
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:58,472
You're here to enjoy
my misfortune,
121
00:04:58,559 --> 00:04:59,951
which is a taunt,
not a gloat.
122
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,171
Always an education
when you talk to Frank.
123
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,391
You're a rube.
Do you know what that is?
124
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,915
Rumor is, couple filed
a complaint
125
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,395
that'll require damage control.
126
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:11,615
I'm offering my services, Emily,
'cause I know you get
127
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,966
a little nervous and sweaty
in high-stress situations.
128
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:16,403
Uh, no, no.
129
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,753
I have everything
under control, Templeton.
130
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,930
Well, when you don't,
I'll come back to gloat.
131
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,192
Did I get that right, Frank?
132
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:24,324
No, that was a threat.
133
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,761
Ah... whatever.
Word nerd.
134
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:27,936
Okay.
135
00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,633
I'm gonna go change into a shirt
136
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,766
that's dark enough to hide
my nervous pit stains.
137
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,377
And right away I'm gonna
go ahead and apologize
138
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,900
for sharing that information.
139
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,119
[clears throat]
140
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:38,903
Muffins... are over here.
141
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,428
Why's that guy so mean
to Emily?
142
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:44,605
He works at a rival precinct,
and he's gunning for her job.
143
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:46,650
Yeah, she's not really suited
to a leadership position,
144
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,130
but we have to make sure
she doesn't get fired
145
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,436
'cause she's really nice.
146
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,612
And she's easy to manipulate
which is why we're
147
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:54,354
the only precinct with a
top-of-the-line Panini Press.
148
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,007
[bread crunching]
149
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,009
Mmm. Spectacular.
150
00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,011
We got written up
in Bon Appetit.
151
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,970
Okay, here's a novel idea.
152
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,451
Try standing closer to the
toilet and actually aiming
153
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,453
so the pee goes in the bowl
and not on the floor.
154
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,019
That's a terrible idea
for a novel.
155
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:08,803
[laughing]
156
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,240
I will be instituting
a key system.
157
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,024
So if you have to pee,
you come see Dee,
158
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,374
there'll be a sign-in sheet
on my desk.
159
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,027
Not gonna do that.
160
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,812
Frank! Frank!
161
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:18,813
Frank!
162
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:21,032
Listen, I'll talk to Emily
and take the heat
163
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,338
for the weasel thing.
164
00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:24,035
Okay? I'll clean the kennels,
it's only right.
165
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:25,472
That would be stupid of you.
166
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:26,690
It's what partners do, right?
167
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,476
Look, I'm gonna be up front.
My plan is to get rid of you.
168
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,042
And with the way
bureaucracy works,
169
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,827
it'll take about six months
to fill your seat.
170
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:35,830
So that's gonna be
all lone wolfy time.
171
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,397
[howls like a wolf]
172
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,007
[dogs barking]
173
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,704
Hey, we talked about
the howling!
174
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:43,272
Sorry Emily. How's that
espresso machine coming?
175
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,404
Oh, yeah. I ordered it.
176
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,275
Oh, you are the best!
177
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,407
[whispers] It's coming
from Milan.
178
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:48,930
You don't fool me, Frank.
179
00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:52,150
Underneath that crusty exterior
is a soft, chewy center.
180
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,717
Mmm... no.
181
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,197
Yeah. He's not that kinda
cookie, kid.
182
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,372
What do you mean?
183
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,723
Look, and you didn't hear
this from us,
184
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:03,248
Frank used to be a cop but then
he uncovered some corruption,
185
00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,425
and instead of cleaning it up,
they fired him.
186
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,427
Whoa. That's heavy.
187
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,863
[phone vibrating]
188
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,212
Greenview Meadow Preschool.
189
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,735
Oh, God in heaven, no.
190
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,215
There's no way this isn't
something awful.
191
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:16,305
Hello? Yeah.
192
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,741
Danny won't poop
in school again.
193
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,221
He's like me, he gets nervous
at away games.
194
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,440
Aww, poor sausage.
195
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,093
Yeah, go ahead and put him on.
196
00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:24,444
Hey buddy, it's okay, listen.
197
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,793
Just like we do at home, okay?
198
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,318
♪ I know what to do...
199
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,451
♪ when I'm about to poo...
200
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,453
♪ I go to the potty,
201
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,890
♪ pull my underwear down...
202
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,240
[all sing in unison]
♪ And I sit and wait...
203
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,895
♪ I sit and wait...
204
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:44,899
♪ I sit and wait until
the poop falls down. ♪
205
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:49,730
♪ Then I wipe and wipe,
'till brown leaves town, ♪
206
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:53,255
♪ I put it in the potty
and I flush it down. ♪
207
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:54,256
Whooo!
208
00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:55,344
Banger!
209
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,346
Wow, sounds like you had
quite a bit.
210
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,130
I'm proud of you,
my little soldier.
211
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,436
Way to go, Danny!
212
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,612
Okay. Alright. Bye.
213
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,135
Hi.
214
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,572
I could use some help getting
a mastiff on the table.
215
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:06,268
- No problem.
- Yes! I'll... I'll help.
216
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,269
Absolutely.
217
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:10,577
Hey... you're Shred, right?
218
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,362
Hey. Oh yeah, hi.
Nice to meet you.
219
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,451
Are you the, um... hot vet?
220
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:16,931
No, we say that behind
her back.
221
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,149
Yeah.
222
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,369
Oh God, I'm so sorry if
that came off disrespectful.
223
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:23,503
I'll retract it and say
you're in no way hot.
224
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,504
[laughing]
225
00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:26,244
Doctor Summers.
226
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:29,596
I don't wanna embarrass you
but I'm a huge winter sports fan
227
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,946
and I saw you at the X Games
in Whistler.
228
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,469
- 2019.
- Yeah.
229
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,514
Against The Goose.
230
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,037
- Oh, so good!
- She's a fan.
231
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,952
[Hot Vet] You did that backside
right in front of me.
232
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:38,953
She's a fan.
233
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,171
They've been replaying it
on ESPN Classics.
234
00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:42,957
Every time I watch it, I think
I'm not gonna stick the landing
235
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:43,740
and then I do...
236
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,873
and it kinda blows my mind
all over again.
237
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,178
So good.
238
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,615
Anyway, sorry.
You needed help with something?
239
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,181
Uh, yeah that'd be great.
Come on.
240
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:51,618
Yeah. Sure. Yeah.
241
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:55,186
No. No. He does not get
to just sashay in here
242
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,144
and have sex with someone
243
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,407
we've all been trying to nail
for years.
244
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,540
Yeah, he has to get in line
and wait like everybody else.
245
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,063
Low rent Shawn White.
246
00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,544
Yo. Delores...
247
00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,067
I need the key.
248
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,285
Name and time.
249
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,679
[phone ringing]
250
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,905
Connie Lingus?
251
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:19,863
Real mature!
252
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,740
[Frank] You know what
Mark Twain said?
253
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,438
I'm not 100 percent
on who Mark Twain is.
254
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,005
That's a whole other
conversation now.
255
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,224
He said if you pick up
a starving dog
256
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,662
and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you.
257
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:39,230
This is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.
258
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,667
Is this about the hot vet?
259
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,451
Yeah, of course
it's about the hot vet.
260
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:43,844
I've been laying the groundwork
for years.
261
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:46,542
Do you know how many vaccination
clinics I've volunteered for?
262
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,109
A lot of vaccination clinics.
263
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,590
I've eradicated entire diseases
in pursuit of that woman.
264
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,417
But dude, I'm not, like,
a threat.
265
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,680
I have a girlfriend.
266
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,334
She's a snowboarder,
she's from Spain
267
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:59,686
and if you'd asked me even
one question you'd know that.
268
00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,426
I'm not gonna lie,
that's a bit of a relief.
269
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:04,038
Yeah, and if I was gonna dip
my toe into the work pool,
270
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,474
it wouldn't be the hot vet.
271
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,389
Well, not Victoria.
I got dibs there too.
272
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:10,697
No. Emily. The boss lady.
273
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,221
She's just so clumsy and
uncomfortable in her own body.
274
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:15,702
I guess I just dig
an awkward chick.
275
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,704
This is a texture I didn't know
you had.
276
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,489
You see, this partnership...
it's blossoming.
277
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:24,275
Oh, and I Googled wolves.
They run in packs.
278
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,494
Well, except the lone ones.
279
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,408
Otherwise they would
just be wolves.
280
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:27,931
And you had to Google that?
281
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,064
There's no shame in admitting
gaps in knowledge.
282
00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,935
Unrelated but also
interesting...
283
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,503
did you know snails can have sex
with themselves?
284
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,940
[Dispatch] Truck 12,
neighbor complaint.
285
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,421
Unlicensed ostrich farm.
360 North Harding.
286
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,075
Truck 12 responding.
287
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,772
Ostriches. I love this job.
288
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,998
[knocking]
289
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,307
Hi, I'm Emily Price
from animal con-
290
00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:59,441
Wow, that is worse
than I thought.
291
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:01,095
[clears throat]
292
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,226
I brought muffins.
293
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:08,102
Hey.
294
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:09,669
Officers on the scene
with loaded snausages.
295
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,322
[laughing sarcastically]
296
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:15,109
Never gets old, Tom.
What have we got here?
297
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:16,763
Waiting for the coroner.
298
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,678
The guy's been dead three days
and no one knew it.
299
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,027
His dog never left his side.
300
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,638
We'll find him a good home.
301
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,339
Three days.
Can you imagine?
302
00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,690
Three days without anybody
knowing where I was.
303
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,691
[dog whining]
304
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,042
I'd kill for that.
305
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,698
Hey. Hey, it's gonna be okay.
306
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,485
Charlie. He's so cute!
307
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:52,581
Whoa.
Those are some tall birds.
308
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,583
Yeah, and their eyes are bigger
than their brains,
309
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,150
so you should feel
right at home.
310
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:57,586
Your ribbing feels affectionate.
311
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,023
And I know you're going
for more emotional distance.
312
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:02,722
Hey, your shirt's sticking out.
Let me fix it.
313
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,159
There you go, now
you look respectable.
314
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,770
Look at you taking care
of your partner.
315
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,729
Bonding alert.
Calling all units.
316
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,991
Alright, calm down.
317
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,167
Ma'am, hi. City of Seattle
Animal Control.
318
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,777
Is it alright if we enter?
319
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,865
Make sure to close the gate.
320
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,520
Did my stupid neighbor
call you?
321
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,392
What's going on here?
322
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,004
You making belts or selling
their meat?
323
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,614
I sell the eggs at
the Farmer's Market.
324
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,789
Well, you're gonna need
a license
325
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,182
from the Zoning Commission.
326
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,750
Uh... these guys like me.
327
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,099
Everyone likes you, Shred.
328
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,406
Should I be concerned?
329
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,147
Well, that's really up to you.
330
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:41,195
They are violent and strong and
have famously bad temperaments.
331
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,588
Oh, and as you can see
they're really fast.
332
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,634
So I would kick it up a gear
if I were you.
333
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:48,637
In the meantime, I'll just be
writing this citation.
334
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:52,075
[Shred] It's bad, Frank!
They won't stop.
335
00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,643
It's starting to feel
extremely targeted!
336
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:58,081
Yeah. Well, they either
see you as a food source
or a potential mate.
337
00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:00,736
Either way, I would just
let nature take its course.
338
00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:01,868
[Shred] They're relentless!
339
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,218
But don't worry,
I'm getting all of it.
340
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,437
[Shred yelling in the distance]
341
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,787
Look at 'em move.
342
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,573
These muffins are delicious.
You have to give me the recipe.
343
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:12,879
Oh, I will.
344
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:13,880
And you know what?
They're healthy too.
345
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,795
Everyone in my office
has some kind of allergy
346
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,406
so I can never bake
anything fun.
347
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:18,754
[laughing]
348
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:21,670
Look, we agree.
349
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,803
We don't wanna turn this
into a big legal thing.
350
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,804
Great. Great.
351
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,414
And... and you have my word,
352
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,808
the City will pay
for everything.
353
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,548
Okay.
354
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,115
If you'll just excuse me, I'm
just gonna let somebody know.
355
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,466
[phone chiming]
356
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,164
[electronic voice]
Emily said they're not
going to sue
357
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:41,472
and sent a pile of poop emoji...
and a middle finger emoji.
358
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:42,778
Whatever.
359
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,825
Alright... I won't take up
anymore of your time.
360
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,956
Thank you both.
361
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,700
You didn't use sesame oil
in these, did you?
362
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,441
You know what, I did.
363
00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:55,791
I find it just gives it, like,
a little tang.
364
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:56,400
[laughs]
365
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,619
Oh God.
366
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:58,402
I'll get the EpiPen.
367
00:13:58,576 --> 00:13:59,490
Thank you.
368
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:00,840
Wait, wait...
what's happening?
369
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,493
[raspy]
Call 911.
370
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:03,407
Right now?
371
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,714
No! Oh, no!
372
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:06,671
[Shred] Knock it off.
373
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:09,152
This is not fun for me.
This is not fun.
374
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,284
[woman] I've never seen them
like this.
375
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,807
Little help here, Frank.
376
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,288
Man, they must, uh... smell
something on your clothes.
377
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,942
What kinda detergent do you use?
378
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,422
Tide liquid pods.
They get out anything.
379
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:19,859
Maybe lose the shirt?
380
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,990
Oh, oh yeah.
381
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,865
[Frank] That is pretty
disrespectful to the uniform.
382
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,302
But you gotta do
what you gotta do.
383
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,653
Hmm.
It's gotta be the pants.
384
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,655
- The pants.
- [Frank] Yeah.
385
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,526
[ostriches chirping]
386
00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,878
This is the weirdest strip show
I've ever seen.
387
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,618
And I've seen a number of them.
388
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,013
[ostriches chirping]
389
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,758
Is that your beef stick?
390
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,761
In my defense, uh, I didn't
think it would work that well.
391
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,329
Uncool, bro. Really Uncool!
392
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:56,983
And I'm sorry to raise my voice
right now
393
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,767
but I'm pretty high up
in this tree
394
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,334
and you crossed a line, brother!
395
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,336
They could've taken my penis,
Frank!
396
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:05,992
Yeah, but they didn't and that's
what makes it funny.
397
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,342
Dude, I know that the police
department screwed you over
398
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,997
and people let you down
but to learn nothing from that
399
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:14,522
except to be a jerk, that just
makes you a douche, dude.
400
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,002
You're missing all the nuance.
401
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:19,005
I'm a douche for a lot
of complicated reasons.
402
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,790
Dude, I blew out my knee three
months before the Olympics.
403
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,184
But I didn't let it make me
hate the world.
404
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:27,187
We all have a choice in life
and I chose to stay positive.
405
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:28,884
Well, that just makes me
question your judgment.
406
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,233
Well you'll be proud to know
407
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,932
I'm feeling pretty negative
right now, Frank!
408
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,718
You have a ticket for 600 bucks,
by the way.
409
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,720
- Can I pay you in eggs?
- No.
410
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:40,809
[knocking on door]
411
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:41,723
[Emily] Yeah, come in.
412
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,814
I'd like to request
a transfer.
413
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,598
My senior officer,
by word and action,
414
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:50,036
has made it clear that
he doesn't want me around.
415
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,951
Despite the rumors,
I'm not a people person.
416
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,388
Really? Are you sure?
417
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,390
I'd have to move you to central
418
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,914
and Templeton has
the only free truck.
419
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,525
Yes.
420
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:02,700
You heard the man.
421
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:07,618
Templeton.
You'd really do that to Shred?
422
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:08,619
He'll be fine.
423
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:11,274
He'll be happy in literally
any situation.
424
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:14,277
Which is the very trait that
makes him challenging for me.
425
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,975
Well, what if you viewed it
as a growth opportunity?
426
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,672
I'm not looking for growth.
427
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:19,630
If growth wants me bad enough,
it knows where to find me.
428
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,850
Yeah. Alone in your apartment.
429
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,591
Where I am so content.
430
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:26,550
Now... can I interest you
in a chicken pesto panini?
431
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:28,988
I wanna say no, but yeah.
432
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,293
Your heart is black
433
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,339
but you know how to make
a really good sandwich.
434
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:34,994
You guys making sandwiches?
435
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,778
Oh!
436
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:43,132
♪
437
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,441
Hello? Who's there?
438
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:50,574
It's Shred. I forgot my coat, so...
439
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,272
- Hey.
- Hey.
440
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,448
Oh, I'm sorry how everything
worked out.
441
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:55,449
I love Frank
442
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:58,017
but sometimes he can just be
too much like... Frank.
443
00:16:58,191 --> 00:16:59,757
Yeah.
444
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,890
I really thought I was gonna be
able to crack him, you know?
445
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,022
What are you still doing here?
446
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,328
Oh, we have a pet adoption
coming up
447
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,808
so I was just gonna get
these flyers out.
448
00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:07,809
Cool.
449
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,986
You know, the thing about
snowboarding is
450
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,466
it's a solo sport.
451
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,641
Mmhmm.
452
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:14,859
Like, when you're on
the mountain
453
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,209
it's just you all alone.
454
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,124
When I got injured nobody
found me for two hours.
455
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,865
What, so the Saint Bernard thing
is a myth?
456
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,345
I'm the wrong guy to ask.
457
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:23,694
I still sorta believe
in Santa Claus.
458
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:24,608
[laughing]
459
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:25,609
What?
460
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:26,610
Oh.
461
00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:28,003
Do you need a hand?
462
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:29,874
Um... yeah.
463
00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:32,616
Sorry. Thanks.
I can just be a little clumsy.
464
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,009
I know.
465
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,315
You know, honestly...
466
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,491
I don't know that I'm cut out
for this job.
467
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:41,495
I mean, I sent that poor guy
to the hospital today.
468
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,932
Yeah, but I almost burned down
his house
469
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:45,847
and sent him to the hospital, so...
470
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,937
That's true.
[laughing]
471
00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:51,070
Oh, I'm gonna miss seeing you
around the precinct everyday.
472
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:52,419
Yeah, me too.
473
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:56,379
Um... but you know now that,
474
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:59,034
I mean, I'm not gonna
be your boss...
475
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,035
[phone vibrating]
476
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,123
Like, we wouldn't...
477
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,646
Sorry. Sorry.
It's my girlfriend.
478
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,170
Oh, my God. Ah...
479
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:07,173
- I should get this.
- Yeah, yes.
480
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,870
Hey babe.
I heard you got powder.
481
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:16,095
What do you think, Charlie?
You like your new home?
482
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,052
Yeah?
483
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,097
[phone chiming]
484
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,230
Hang on.
485
00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:39,205
♪ And I wipe and I wipe
'till the brown leaves town ♪
486
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:43,905
♪ Put it in the potty
and flush it down. ♪
487
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:52,218
♪ Bye bye poo.
488
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,437
[TV announcer]
Shred Taylor needs an 88
to get to on the podium.
489
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,004
No way.
490
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,746
[TV announcer] Here is another
look at his backside rodeo 540.
491
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:01,705
Will it be enough to medal?
And here comes the score...
492
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:07,581
Oh! 87.3. Ugh, man, that is heartbreaking.
493
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:08,930
Shred Taylor finishes fourth.
494
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,674
Look at this kid.
You'd never know he lost.
495
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:14,718
Gotta love him.
496
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,156
[chuckles]
497
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,287
[doorbell]
498
00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:26,817
I'm not ready for a dog.
I need you to take Charlie.
499
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:27,818
[dog whining]
500
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:30,038
No, no. I have my own two dogs.
I'm fine.
501
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,822
Oh my God, he's so cute!
502
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,608
Oh, do you want him?
You guys love him.
503
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,609
You can have him.
504
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,176
No, we're not taking the dog.
We don't need the dog.
505
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,483
Also... I can't take care
of this.
506
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,833
I don't need this.
I already have lots of plants.
507
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:43,834
I don't need more plants.
508
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,184
No, don't go.
No, stop that dance.
509
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,837
Come back.
510
00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,187
[children giggling]
511
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,536
[child] You're so cute.
512
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:58,284
Some dopey looking guy
call for an Uber?
513
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,981
I knew you'd show up... partner.
514
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,504
No, you didn't.
515
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,202
And I'm getting rid of you as
soon as a decent rig opens up.
516
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,203
I hope you know that.
517
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,639
If I didn't know
you were coming,
518
00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:09,077
how come I got us coffee?
519
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:11,297
'Cause you were gonna
brownnose Templeton.
520
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,081
Whatever you need
to tell yourself, Frank.
521
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,083
But I always knew you were
a pack animal.
522
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,520
Yesterday you didn't even know
what a pack animal was.
523
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,306
Oh! I also didn't know
that a newborn kangaroo
524
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:23,787
is the size of a lima bean.
- Okay.
525
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:27,661
Templeton.
526
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:29,271
You didn't tell him
you were picking me up?
527
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,794
Nah. It was a game-time
decision.
528
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,886
How would you feel about
mooning him?
529
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:37,236
Very good.
530
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,063
But this will be two days
in a row
531
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:40,369
you've negotiated my pants off.
532
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:41,370
Hmm.
533
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:56,690
♪
534
00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:58,257
So you really filmed
the whole Templeton thing?
535
00:20:58,431 --> 00:20:59,693
Yes, I did.
536
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,390
[cheering and applause]
537
00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:05,351
- To hell with Templeton!
- Nice touch.
538
00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:12,271
Good to have you back.
539
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,794
Good to be back, boss.
540
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:17,580
Holden Weiner?
Really guys?
541
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,843
It's actually Wy-ner.
I get that all the time.
542
00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:23,151
I'm gonna need a signature
for the package.
543
00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:24,718
I think it's an espresso machine.
544
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:26,372
Ooh! I'll take care of that.
545
00:21:26,546 --> 00:21:30,637
Thank you Mister Weiner.
Thank you so much.
546
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:31,638
Wyner.
547
00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,162
[gasps]
548
00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:35,076
I think she sprung
for the milk foamer.
549
00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:37,948
Emily, you are the best!
550
00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:39,385
I'm getting a wine fridge next.
39618
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof