Original subtitles

Previously on:

Where do I know you from? Are you an actress?

I'm producing this slasher film

about Beverly Hills cheerleaders.

Why don't you both come in and audition for me.

Call me tomorrow-- we'll set something up.

Sam and I are going to visit Dylan.

Well, how long are you gonna be gone?

The school gave me a two-week leave.

I think it's over, E.

I think you're right.

Why don't I stay here?

Okay. Okay?

Okay, yes, I think you can handle it.

If we find out that you're using illegal drugs,

we'll have no choice but to expel you.

CONSTANCE: Adrianna does not use drugs.

Welcome to the big leagues, little lady.

(knocking on door)

Well, you know, who needs Big Brother

when you got Facebook-- Mr. Matthews?

Class, this is Kimberly McIntyre.

She's transferring to West Beverly, starting today.

Please make her feel at home.

Thanks, Harry.

Uh, welcome to West Bev.

You can have a seat right there.

ANNIE: Hey.

Can I just say that I was the new girl

up until... right now, so I totally know how you feel.

Well, I guess you weren't very good at it

'cause now I got the job.

That's cute.

Uh, you want to tell us

a little something about yourself, Kimberly?

Well, why don't you just take

whatever the old new girl said about herself

and just make it better.

(students groaning)

MATTHEWS: Well, that's tough,

because the old new girl is from Kansas,

and it just doesn't get any better than that.

There's no place like home.

Right.

Okay...

so let me just talk about myself

without feeling totally awkward.

Don't worry, everyone in this class

has had their awkward moments.

I'm Kim.

I'm from Las Vegas.

I wear size eight shoes.

I have three piercings, but I won't say where.

And I like tacos.

Great, I also like tacos.

Welcome to the school.

Any piercings?

Moving on.

MISS WELLS: This has always been one of my favorite experiments.

You'll be paired off into couples,

all with different socioeconomic backgrounds.

By the end of the experiment, you'll have taken care

of your Real Care baby and also managed

the family budget that you are each given.

Uh, that's women's work-- I mean, whoever

I get paired up with better recognize.

(chuckling)

Mike, you'll be paired with Navid.

Ho-oh!

What? What? That's right.

You are a same sex couple, and Navid is the breadwinner.

Um, I usually go for blondes.

With boobs.

Annie and Ethan, you are married.

Annie works.

Ethan is a stay-at-home dad.

ETHAN: Uh...

do I have, like, a hobby?

Your hobby...

is your baby.

Oh.

Your unique wireless I.D.

will track your baby care.

The baby must be fed, burped, rocked

and diapered around the clock.

If you shake the baby,

do not support the baby's head or mishandle it in any way.

It will register as abuse,

and you will fail.

(bell ringing) DIXON: Half-birthday?

Mm-hmm, it's the six-month mark between birthdays.

You know how when you're a kid and you're all like,

"Oh, I'm four and three quarters,"

or, "I'm five and a half"?

It's like every single milestone is such a big deal,

and then at some point, you just stop counting

all those little in-between markers.

Yeah, not me.

I will always

celebrate my half-birthday.

You are a very strange girl. Yeah?

Well, I'm a strange girl who's gonna have

the most rockingest half-birthday ever.

Come on-- Psycho at a cemetery?

How awesomely perfect.

Okay, tell me you're into Hitchcock.

I don't do horror movies.

Why? You a little scared?

(chuckling) You scared, you scared?

No. I just think they're stupid.

Okay, A) Sometimes that's the beauty of them.

And B) Clearly, you just haven't been initiated properly.

Well, uh, maybe you can initiate me the right way.

I think I can. Hmm?

Okay, um, since I am a high-powered attorney,

the teacher says you can take the baby during business hours.

No, don't... don't you have day care

at your fancy office?

No.

No, I don't.

So, uh, hey, how's... how's my nephew?

Your nephew is a girl.

(laughs) That's what I meant.

(laughs) Um, I think you guys

have things in reverse.

First, you date, then marriage,

and then a baby, but, you know,

whatever works for you.

No, me and Ethan, not so much.

He is in rebound city,

plus I take my relationships seriously,

and from what I've seen, clearly he does not.

And I need a guy who's dependable,

who I can count on, you know?

I feel you.

(laughing)

(bell ringing)

Well, hello, stranger.

Oh, hey-hey-hey, what's up?

Not much... I just

haven't really talked to you in a while.

How you been?

Sit.

So?

So, how's Mommy Dearest?

You know, desperate to be Dina Lohan

and making me suffer for every second that she's not.

How you holding up?

I'm fine.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

There's just a lot of...

talk going around, you know?

I hear this talk,

and I worry about you.

Yeah, well, that's all it is, is talk.

Rumors.

Good, good.

The only problem I have is her.

She's the one who got me kicked out of the play.

She's the one running to Principal Daddy with lies.

Today after school,

she's auditioning against me for a movie.

How messed up is that?

Weird.

Whatever.

Okay.

I just... you know,

I hear things, and I know things.

And I see you putting eye drops

in your eyes, and I...

All right, it's called allergies, Naomi.

Can we not do an intervention in the quad?

Seriously, I'm fine.

Let's do five minutes on you.

Um, Ethan and I broke up.

My parents are getting a divorce-- my whole world

is just basically a disaster, and I don't know,

I just kind of need my best friend right now.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I've just been

really wrapped up in auditions.

I'm here... always.

How about we hang out after school today?

Pinkberry and shopping?

Ragging on our parents?

Good times. Good times.

(both giggling)

All right, wish me luck.

I need a lot of it.

Good luck.

Hey, in fact, it's been...

it's been a while,

but, um... switch?

Switch.

It has been a while.

For luck.

For luck.

Now, you're definitely gonna get it.

(both laughing)

WOMAN: Great, so I'll get the invitations printed,

and I'll call you when they're in.

I think it's gonna be

the best fund-raiser we've had yet.

I have no doubt.

I want to thank you both for your help.

Thank you.

I'll see you soon. Mm-hmm.

Talk to you soon.

Harry, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure, yeah.

It's about our son.

I mean, you know, do you think about him?

Do you wonder what he looks like,

what his interests are...

Yeah, yeah, but that...

I'm just trying to figure this all out.

I mean, I'd like to know that he's okay, but...

Knowing that he's okay isn't good enough

for me, so I've decided

to do something about it.

Which is?

I want to hire a private investigator to find him.

Please, please don't kill me.

I am so not ready to die yet.

I haven't even been to prom.

Oh, I... I haven't been asked, actually,

but I heard that Rick Bartley's gonna ask me,

and I... he's... he's Rick Bartley.

You... you wouldn't want to take that away

from a young girl in her prime,

now, would you?

Please don't kill me.

I'm not, um... (sighs)

Please don't kill me, I'm not ready to...

I haven't even... I haven't even gone to...

(grunts in frustration)

Okay.

Damn it!

(snorting)

Please don't kill me.

That was great, Annie.

Thanks for coming in.

Thank you for having me.

Sure.

You can go now, Annie.

Right-- leaving.

Hi, Adrianna.

Ready...

Adrianna? I'm ready to rock it.

♪ ♪

Hello.

We've only just been broken up for a few days,

and you already have a baby with someone else?

That's impressive.

Yeah, we're just doing a project

for Miss Wells' class.

Oh, you two are doing that project? That's cute.

Yes, we are married for the project.

This is our baby.

How nice for you.

I don't care.

I've moved on.

Ethan and I are over,

and he is more than welcome

to have as many babies as he wants

with whomever he pleases.

Well, I am off to meet Adrianna.

You guys have fun.

Enjoy your little baby.

Bye-bye.

(giggling): And... awkward.

You okay?

Yeah, good times.

You know, it's not like

you guys are gonna stay broken up, right?

No, actually, we are.

Yeah, well, I've been here six weeks,

and you guys have already broken up

and gotten back together three times, so...

That's the point.

I... I can't do it anymore.

We've been through this so many times,

and it didn't even hurt this last time.

I don't want to be in a relationship

where I just keep breaking up with the person.

♪ ♪

SILVER: In this room...

I'm painting this wall black.

Just one wall?

Yeah. I think it makes a statement.

Well, what's the statement:

"I ran out of paint"?

You know black's my favorite color.

(chuckling)

I like that, but, uh, what about Kelly?

She doesn't strike me as a "wall painted black" kind of girl.

That's the beauty of paint, right?

You can just paint over it later.

Man, so you're staying here

by yourself for two weeks.

Mm-hmm.

You aren't scared to be here all alone?

I need you to relax and just...

embrace the awesomeness of this situation.

Me, your girlfriend,

has a house all to herself.

Point taken.

Mm-hmm.

So, uh, this is definitely

gonna become the new party house.

I think I'm gonna charge a cover.

You gonna charge me?

You'll work it off. Mm.

I like the way you think. Mm-hmm.

But right now, you're gonna lay back,

take off your shoes

and get ready for something you've never done before.

(mumbling)

In my hands, I have

the three greatest horror movies ever.

We're gonna have a major movie marathon, my friend.

TABITHA: You have some nerve

accusing me of doing...

DEBBIE: I have some nerve?

Tabitha, you have some nerve. Hey, what's going on?

Harry, it's my pool,

and I'm going to do what I want when I want!

Did I miss a segue here?

Your mother flashed the gardener again.

I never flashed Mauricio.

I like to swim naked.

I like know it feels

when the water glides off my ass.

Why should I give that up?

Mom, Mauricio comes once a week.

Do you have to swim naked at that exact time?

Harry, don't be such a prude.

I'm letting my freak flag fly,

and there's nothing you can do about it.

Wow.

(laughs)

Yeah, and... and speaking of odd women,

uh, Tracy

was at school today, and she completely

blindsided me about...

About?

About wanting to hire a P.I.

to find... our birth son,

and she wants my okay.

Did you give it to her?

No. I mean, I don't know

how I can stop her if she wants to...

Whoa, whoa.

Just... time-out.

I get the feeling the only thing

holding you back is how you think I'm gonna react.

No, that is not the only thing.

I mean, that's a big thing,

but... the kids, too.

Do you want to find him, Harry?

Yeah.

I do.

I was thinking

that I could write a letter,

register with the adoption agency,

and someday, if he wants to find me,

or us, he can.

Okay, well, I think that sounds like a good plan.

You... are amazing.

(phone ringing)

(sighs)

Yeah.

Tomorrow?

Um, that's kind of sudden, isn't it?

I thought you guys were going to scope the place out first.

CONNIE: I'm so glad you came by, Naomi.

Gosh, every time I see you, I think

it's such a shame you're not trying to be actress like Ade.

(laughs)

You've got such a look. Mm-hmm.

Although,

you know, I prefer when you wear

your hair straight.

It's so much prettier.

So, is Adrianna here?

She must be celebrating. She got the movie.

(laughs)

That's incredible. Yeah.

Oh, she must be so thrilled. We are.

Especially after she botched

her last couple auditions.

Ugh!

It's about time she got her act together. Mm.

So, wait, you don't have any idea where she's at? I mean...

I was supposed to meet her today after school.

I called a few times, and she hasn't answered the phone.

I'm a little worried, so, I...

Oh, she probably just got so excited

about getting the part, she forgot.

Yeah, she's just... She's off celebrating.

It's an homage to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,

and the character of Captain Spalding

is a total satire,

but at the same time,

he's terrifying.

Can you believe that Rob Zombie directed this?

Dixon, wake up!

The call's coming from inside the house.

How long you been sleeping?

I don't know. I was asleep.

What time is it?

11:30.

11:00...?! Oh, my God, I got to... I got to go.

Glad you enjoyed the movies.

Look, if-if I don't want to watch

one movie, what makes you think I'm gonna sit through three?

I... I gotta, I gotta go.

I gotta go.

Grandma, you don't see me.

You just forgot to take your blue pill.

Did all the blood

rush away from the part of your brain

that allows you to tell time?

I was just, um...

Sneaking in.

Were you with a girl?

I want all the deets.

Don't worry; I won't tell your mom and dad.

Thank-Thank you so much, Grandma.

I meant I won't tell them if you were with a girl.

They know you're not here.

Your mother's halfway to calling the police.

DEBBIE: Dixon! TABITHA: Uh-oh.

I am so furious with you!

Oh!

Where have you been?

Hey, your mother was freaking out.

Silver made me watch

a bunch of wack-ass horror movies, and I fell asleep!

I'm-I'm sorry.

I wasn't doing anything fun.

(toy baby crying) Trust me.

Still unacceptable.

Can somebody shut that baby up, please?

ANNIE: I'm trying!

Oh, Harry, relax. He fell asleep.

It's not like he spent the night in Tijuana with a couple

of Laker Girls and a goat.

Huh!

I really hope I get the wording right

when I repeat that line to my future therapist.

Annie, the baby.

I can't find her.

Some parent you are. Hey, this cannot happen again.

It won't. Where was your cell phone?

It... It-It died.

Dixon. (toy baby fussing)

So, uh, where was it?

In the bathroom... corner.

Under my jeans.

Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

(Debbie and Harry laugh)

No. Yeah.

Good night.

♪ For as long, long as I can remember... ♪

Hey, how's it going?

Missing my sis? Feeling a little blue?

Actually, I, uh, already started dating.

Okay. That was fast.

Yeah, well, think I'd stay on the market forever?

Kind of. But that's great.

You should bring one of the lucky ladies

to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery tonight.

They're showing Psycho.

Yeah, great. No, I'll do that.

I'll bring one of the, uh, lucky ladies

to the cemetery.

That I will do.

See you. Cool.

Hey.

Hey. So, did you get in trouble with the rents?

Oh, yeah.

(laughs) They're pissed.

So pissed that they insisted

on going to Hollywood Forever tonight

just to make sure I make curfew.

All right, well, look, um,

last night, I was trying to show you something important to me.

A House of a Thousand Corpses is important to you?

I was trying to share something that I like with you.

All right, all right. I'm sorry.

It wasn't intentional, all right?

ANNIE: Yo, be careful.

What? It's not real.

I don't want to fail.

Show me one person who's ever gotten lower than a B

in health class, and...

I don't even have to finish that sentence,

because it has never happened.

So, you guys are coming tonight, right?

Not only is it the most kick-ass movie

to ever show at a cemetery,

but they also have a Johnny Ramone tribute statue

that I am dying to see.

Yeah, me, too.

Shut up. You're making fun of me.

So, you guys want to ride together, or just meet there?

I... Uh, yeah, I suppose we could both go,

you know, as parents, with the baby with us.

Yeah, yeah.

It's, uh... It sounds like a... a plan.

Great.

Let's do it.

Hey, Wilson, go long.

Hey, no! Don't go long! SILVER: Hey, it's a baby!

I know it's a baby. It's a football baby! Don't go long!

Ethan, come on... no!

So the concept of the totalitarian authority

in Orwell's book really coined

the now ever-so-popular term "Big Brother."

STUDENT: What does totalitarian mean, Mr. Matthews?

You look wiped.

Late night? Mm. Yeah. Very.

Someone knows how to party.

No, I was actually on baby duty.

Baby duty?

MATTHEWS: Kimberly! Once again.

Am I boring you?

I did see the movie.

Hmm. Not the same thing.

And the questions on your test

will reflect the book,

not the movie.

So, if you'd stop wasting my time, I could maybe...

Excuse me, Mr. Matthews, but if I'm here, and you're here,

doesn't that make it...

Nice reference, Spicoli, but didn't you graduate in 1982?

Thank you. I'm here all week.

And you're going to be here at lunch, too,

'cause you just got a detention.

(classmates groaning)

HARRY: So, Debbie and I have talked,

and we have decided to go forward with this.

Yes!

Hold on a second, Trace.

I'm-I'm not into the whole P.I. thing.

I mean, we're not chasing somebody down here, so...

You know, we're gonna have to write a letter

to the adoption agency...

Whoa, whoa, Harry.

I already hired a P.I.

What? What the hell did you do that for?

Look, I've waited for 22 years.

Besides, you know, I just kind of

figured that you'd come around, so I went ahead and did it.

Come on! Tracy, that's not what we talked about.

You come on, Harry.

I know you.

You want to know how he's been doing.

This has been killing you. Tell me I'm wrong.

Okay, yeah, I feel bad about the whole thing,

but you should not have done this.

Now, look, Harry, I get it.

This whole thing is a shock to you,

but I've been dealing with this

every day since I was 19.

Yeah.

I'm sorry about that.

It's really nice to finally hear you say that.

(cries and mutters) Hey, it's okay.

Yeah... Good...

It's okay.

Whoa. Whoa!

Tracy...

I'm going to pretend that that never happened.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I hear this is where the party's at.

Uh, that's right, so you can sit down and pour yourself

a tall glass of Shut Up And Don't Speak For The Next Hour.

Does that come in Diet?

'Cause I'm kind of watching my figure.

And that ends the conversation portion of this detention.

GEORGE: I know you love my company,

but this is getting

a little old, Mr. Matthews.

The fact that I made out with you in the fifth grade

makes me want to cut my tongue off.

Do you have a girlfriend?

(chuckles)

That's none of your business.

Are you gay?

You seem kind of gay.

Yeah, about as gay as your dad.

My dad's dead.

Hmm, well, I think your dad's about as dead as I am gay.

Touché.

Shh.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Starting to see why

you got kicked out of your last school.

You two sound like my mom and my old soccer coach.

Before the unpleasantness.

Mr. Matthews, do you have a second?

Yeah, I do.

I'm stepping out for 30 seconds.

George, I'll give you a dollar

if you keep your trap shut, and two

if you learn how to read.

I can read, Mr. Matthews.

I'm ignoring you.

So... detention.

Bad kids,

any idea where a girl can score some party favors?

I waited for you last night.

I'm happy you got the part,

but why you didn't call me? You heard?

Isn't it awesome?

I was driving over to see you and then

I got the call that I got the part

and so I had to call my mom,

and then I had to go home and celebrate,

and I was just, like... That's not true, Adrianna.

I was at your house last night and you weren't there.

Why are you lying to me?

Can you just take one minute

and be happy for me?

I got the movie!

Looks like

our lucky necklace switch worked!

I think you can have it back now.

(mumbling)

What-- wh-wh-wh-whoa, what?

Are you kidding me with this? Really?

I know this lipstick container, Adrianna.

(scoffs)

Are you kidding me? What do you care?

It was yours.

Was mine.

Not anymore. I experimented

and I stopped.

Like you supposedly did.

Give me a break, Naomi. No!

No, I won't give you a break.

Okay, I'm your friend.

And I may come off as annoying

or whatever you think I am,

but I care about you.

And I'm worried about you. I'm fine.

(slams locker) You're not fine.

And don't, don't...

Don't walk away from me.

I can help you, okay?

I can help you deal with this, but you gotta let me.

(dog barks) OFFICER: Everyone...

please step away from your lockers.

We're conducting a search.

Oh, my God.

You take the south hallway; I'll take the north.

Oh, my God!

Shh. Shh.

NAOMI: Shh-shh-shh- shh-shh.

Okay, you're right.

All right, I'm using, but it's...

it's not like I'm addicted.

I could stop whenever I want.

I'm just like, I'm just under so much pressure

from my mom to get a stupid job.

(barking)

I finally

work super hard to get something

and I'm gonna get busted.

I'm gonna get kicked out of school.

I'm gonna lose the movie. I'm gonna lose No, no, no, no.

everything! No! No, you're not.

Give it to me. What?

No! Just give it to me.

MALE OFFICER: This your locker, son?

FEMALE OFFICER: Stop whatever you're doing and come out.

(toilet flushes)

Where'd you find it?

The coke was in the lipstick.

We'll copy you on the police report.

What the hell, Harry?

Isn't there a better way than busting kids?

It's a little extreme, don't you think?

I don't want drugs on this campus.

And neither do I.

But you get one chance

to earn these kids' trust.

What, are you defending drug dealers?

Not everyone is a dealer.

Naomi?

Please.

These kids have rights.

They don't have right to bring drugs to campus.

This isn't China.

It's Beverly Hills, all right?

This isn't cool, Harry.

Not interested in being cool.

Or in your opinion, Mr. Matthews.

That was brutal.

Big time.

Those weren't her drugs, Ethan.

I know.

ETHAN: Come on, Adrianna.

Just leave me alone.

Did you see her get busted?

They took her down to book her.

Yeah, well, her dad will get her out of it.

Yeah, and then what's her dad gonna do to her?

She's probably gonna get suspended no matter what.

Maybe even expelled.

She shouldn't be in this situation, Adrianna.

You need to step up and admit the drugs were yours.

Says who? ANNIE: Says me.

I saw her take the drugs from you.

Well, for your information,

Naomi's the one that initiated me into the C&C Club.

C&C Club?

Cocaine and Champagne. Yeah, but she grew

out of it, 'cause she realized how stupid it was.

You can't just let her take the rap for you.

What do you care about Naomi?

You're already practically

dry-humping her boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

And she does care. We both care.

Now, if you care about Naomi--

you'll prove it.

Mom, what are you doing?

I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago.

I'm acting like your mother instead of your sister

or your friend. You kidding me?

Dad, she's tearing my room apart!

If I wasn't bailing you out,

I'd be doing it right along with her.

Great, you guys!

There aren't any drugs here.

I don't do drugs!

Well, you just got caught red-handed.

Come on, Mom. You know I don't do drugs.

What is this? No, I know

that you dabbled with Adrianna

over a year ago. What I don't know

is if your father leaving

has made you start again.

That's nice, Tracy. Why don't we just lay off the digs

and deal with the issue here?

This is the issue, Charles.

You don't think there's consequences

for what you did to this family?

Okay, stop!

Daddy, you can fix this.

You can get me out of this.

Can you just make it go away?

I don't think you get how serious

this is. I may not be able to.

Sit down.

What?

Sit down.

You're doing this to get attention?

No.

CHARLES: You're doing this 'cause you think

you're gonna get your mom and me back together?

NAOMI: No. Well, I'm not

just gonna be able to write a check-- not for this.

This is gonna go on your permanent record.

You're gonna have to be drug-tested,

make court appearances.

Listen, if there's anything

that you want to tell us, you should.

Now.

God.

(sighs) I know.

Look at this.

I'm in a lot of trouble, Ade.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I... I thought your dad would be able to get you out of it.

Yeah. Me, too.

Apparently he can't.

Well, maybe he can figure something out.

He's got

to figure something out.

Look, I-I want to help, but I...

But what, Ade?

I mean, no offense,

but this should be you.

I don't think you're grasping how totally

screwed I am right now?

I could go to jail.

You won't go to jail.

You don't know that.

Look, I-I need you

to tell them that the drugs were yours.

It's gonna suck. I'm sorry.

I'll lose my movie.

No. You'll get another one.

Okay? You'll get another one

when you're clean.

Babe, you got to get help.

You really have to stop.

You need to go to rehab.

Hey, hey.

Shh.

Hey, maybe

it could be a good career move?

What do you know?

Sadly, that's probably true.

Look, I had your back.

You've got to have mine now, okay?

We're going to my dad's office

to meet with his attorney.

Come with me.

Maybe he can help you, too.

Okay.

Okay, yeah.

My mom is totally gonna freak out.

Give me an hour or so

to explain everything.

Of course.

You'll meet us there?

Yeah.

I'll see you in a bit.

I'm really sorry.

We're gonna sort this out, okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

♪ ♪

Mom?

There's my star!

This cake is just symbolic,

so I don't want you eating it or anything.

Calories.

Hey, Mom,

can we, um... You did it!

You saved us. Could we talk?

We were about to lose the house.

We were gonna lose the house?

Well, I didn't want to frighten you

or put pressure on you or anything,

but, yeah.

I mean, I've been literally packing

the last few days, when you weren't home.

But we're good now!

And it's only up from here.

Bigger and brighter.

'Cause all of our problems are solved.

All because of you, baby.

(echoing): It's crazy, right?

We literally had $300 left in the bank.

And I was selling my purses on eBay...

(continues indistinctly, slowly fading)

♪ Ey! Oh! Let's go! ♪

♪ Ey! Oh! Let's go! ♪

♪ Ey! Oh! Let's go! ♪

♪ Ey! Oh... ♪

Couldn't sing.

Wasn't handsome.

But still became a rock star sex symbol.

Now, that was a cool guy.

This is Johnny Ramone?

Thought it was Howard Stern.

(laughs)

All right... take my picture with him.

(clears throat) Ah.

SILVER: All right, come here.

Get him in there.

Yeah!

All right.

I mean, I guess they were pretty

influential to a lot of bands that came out after them.

You know? I heard a Green Day cover of one of their songs.

Well, look at you.

You're a Ramone fan?

Well...

you like them and I like you.

So, you know, I downloaded a couple songs.

Okay, that was really cute.

♪ Ey! Oh! Let's go! ♪

♪ Ey! Oh! Let's go! ♪

Can I just say

I have had the day from hell,

and you have completely turned that around.

Honestly, I was a little nervous.

I just, I've just heard a lot of horror stories

about people meeting online.

Oh, I do it all the time.

Yeah? You are so cute.

I'm so used to guys not looking like their pictures.

Like at all.

Well, you are quite attractive yourself.

Honestly, prettier than your pictures.

Really? Yeah.

You're right, though.

I totally need new headshots.

Oh, you're an actress?

In L.A.? That's rare.

Really? God, I find there are actors everywhere.

Yeah, no, I was, I was...

Never mind.

Um, would I have seen you in anything?

Well, I was a corpse in CSI,

but I look all dead, so it's not a very good example.

I was in a commercial. Oh.

O-M-G!

This is the funniest story. So it was

for this medicine, and I didn't know what it was.

I thought it was like a vitamin

or something,

but then they tell me what it is.

And at first I didn't want to do it

because I didn't want everyone to think that I had herpes.

But then I just did it,

because it was a national commercial and I was all,

"Whatever! Cha-ching!"

Now, did you have to, uh, do a lot of research

to get into character for that or...?

What do you mean?

You know, 'cause... 'cause...

Do you want to grab a seat?

Yeah!

♪ I just wanna be okay... ♪

SILVER: It's good that we got here early, 'cause we can

scout a good spot.

And there are Hitchcock fanatics.

I hear some guys actually dress up like their mothers.

Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho!

You would never catch me in a dress.

But you have such amazing legs.

DIXON: Thank you.

What's up, half- birthday girl?

I see dead people.

We didn't get you a gift.

We figured that our presence

was gift enough. Yeah.

It'll do.

(laughter)

(beeping)

Naomi's off the hook.

Adrianna's gonna admit the drugs were hers. That's great.

You know, it was, it was really cool of you

to still care enough about Naomi to help her.

I'd be there for anybody who was important to me.

Ethan Ward-- never fails to surprise.

(sighs)

Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna get some drinks.

Anybody want anything?

I-I'll go with you, man.

Let's do it.

Here you go. Thank you.

Okay, why does this suddenly feel like a double-date?

Oh, chill, it is not a double date, okay?

We're going to have fun; it's going to be awesome.

Great. (chuckles)

(toy baby crying)

Oh, hey.

What's up, guys? (laughs)

Very cute couple.

Funny. Happy half-birthday.

Why, thank you.

Why does this baby only cry

whenever I'm holding him?

Dude, have you looked in the mirror?

Your hair, it looks like a medieval weapon.

Look, this relationship is not working.

All right, here, take... take the baby and...

I need a break!

(toy baby crying) Dude, you're the caretaker.

Come on. You're my bitch.

How weird is that? Oh...

Okay, so just one thing.

You cannot make out with Dixon

while Ethan and I are sitting there

or I will kill you.

Okay, okay.

Well, then, I'm gonna make out with him over there,

so just shut your eyes.

Look away, okay? Ew... God.

♪ ♪

Mm-hmm. That's cool. Yeah.

She kissed you?

Yeah, but sweetheart,

I want you to know that this was all her.

I-I didn't... Harry, oh, my God,

she's an even bigger nut job than I thought.

Sweetheart, you understand that this woman has issues.

Well, she's about

to have some even bigger issues.

See, I knew you'd be pissed.

I just wish she was out of our lives.

Yeah, so do I,

but..

She's in our lives.

Yeah.

I miss Kansas.

I miss my friends.

I know... I know.

Hey, well... at least you're not six feet under.

She kissed you?

MAN (over speaker): Okay, everybody,

we'll be starting the movie as soon as it gets dark.

JACQUELINE: And so, they make you put all these special talents

at the bottom of your résumé, like it matters.

I mean, they take one look at your head shot

and decide if they're gonna hire you or not. Seriously,

who cares if I do gymnastics, you know?

You do gymnastics?

I used to. I can still do the splits.

Wow, that... that is good news for everybody.

(laughs)

(snorting)

KIMBERLY: Wow, that is good news.

Hi, I'm Kim.

Hi.

I'm Jacqueline.

You Ryan's girlfriend?

No, uh, she's not my girlfriend.

Who's this?

Uh, this is a student,

a very annoying student who was just leaving.

So what do you do, Jacqueline?

I'm an actress. In L.A.?

Really?

That's rare.

OMG, he said the exact same thing.

Don't you guys know L.A. is the capital of Hollywood?

OMG, I didn't know that.

Good luck with your career.

I loved you in the herpes commercial.

Thank you.

Charming student. (chuckles)

Popcorn? Yeah.

If she confesses, if the drugs were hers,

it should help,

but you know there's no guarantees.

What I think we can do is... I understand, Mr. Owens, but...

(chuckling nervously): ...Adrianna is going to be here

if we just give her a few more minutes.

Naomi, please let him finish.

Okay, all that said, if your friend doesn't confess

and this ends up on your record,

it is, it's gonna be harder for you to go to college,

to get a job,

and you may have to go to jail,

which in your case would be juvenile detention.

Hey.

Happy half birthday.

Thank you.

(knife-screeching violin playing)

What the--? (laughs)

(nervous chuckle) Told you it was good.

Maybe one day I'll be in a movie

that's projected on the side of a mausoleum.

One can only hope. (laughs)

Dude, I'm telling you, that is so her.

Look at her-- blonde hair, the Angelina Jolie lips.

Can I get you a coffee or...?

Yeah, yummy.

That is so the herpes chick.

It's not. Yes, it is.

So, because it's a first offense,

and because of the small amount,

I may be able to get you probation.

CHARLES: But it's going to be stuck on her record.

How could you be so stupid, Naomi?

I know you're upset, Dad, but she's coming.

She said she'd be here.

She promised.

I'm a little disappointed in you, Matthews.

I mean, that's your type--

self-absorbed and stupid.

No, listen.

That was incredibly inappropriate.

Oh, that's how I roll.

(chuckles)

Listen, I don't want to assume anything here,

but I've been through this with students before,

so if you're having any kind of feelings...

I'm your teacher, you're my student,

and I'm a lot older than you.

I mean, I'm not a lot a lot...

Dude, chill.

I just didn't want you to catch her stupidity.

I hear it's contagious.

And I hope you didn't think I had a crush on you

because... gross.

Gross, exactly.

Yeah.

Get over yourself.

Okay. MAN: Quiet down!

Well, you make it stop crying. Well, just put the thing in the thing.

(laughing): I already tried.

Shh, shh, baby, shh.

MAN: Quiet!

(movie soundtrack playing)

I am going to be right back, okay?

Oh, okay.

HARRY: Hey, I need to talk to you.

Your department made quite the scene today.

We did what we had to do.

I've already made contact with one of the smaller dealers,

but you know we're after the supplier.

The supplier is not going to come

anywhere near school after that bust today.

Wrong.

We did this now

because then they'll figure the bust already happened,

and now they're safe.

And Harry, we've been over this.

Don't make contact

in public with me again.

Let the precinct do their job,

and let me do my job.

ETHAN: I wonder, like,

how and when our baby was made, you know?

Your dad never had that conversation with you?

(both laughing)

I mean, like, overseas or something. (phone buzzing)

Ooh, then we'd be like Brangelina.

Oh. (phone beeps off)

You can totally get that.

It's not like this is a date or anything.

Well, I don't know, we're watching a movie,

we have a baby to take care of.

Whoever it was can wait.

Okay.

ETHAN: This is Ethan. Leave a message.

(phone beeps off) OWENS: It's complicated.

And you're right, you know, about this not being a date.

Yeah, I know, that's why I said it wasn't a date.

Yeah, right, I...

Even though, I mean, it kind of,

kind of feels like a date.

Yeah, I know, right?

It's not.

No, no, it's not.

'Cause if it was a date...

I'd do this.

(scary music playing, audience screaming)

(laughter)

(sighs) Um...

Oh, my God. Did you guys see that? Oh... hi.

Scared the crap out of me.

Yeah.

You should have seen your brother.

What a wuss.

Hey, but I wasn't the only one who jumped.

Did you jump, too. I jumped, man, I jumped.

ANNIE: Yes.

Yeah, you did.

♪ ♪

(line ringing)

(phone ringing)

(ringing continues)

WOMAN: Excuse me, coming through. (indistinct talking)

No pulse. Get the IV.

(distorted): I don't know what happened. She was fine.

NAOMI (over phone): I can't believe

you did this to me.

You were the one person that I thought I could count on,

that I could trust.

It was you, Adrianna,

you were it, and you can't even do so little

as pick up your freaking phone!

Amazing, way to go.

This friendship is over. We're done.

I hope you got that. You're dead to me.