Original subtitles

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

So do you, pal.

Hello.

Darling.

Charlie dropped by and brought me the most

beautiful wild orchids.

Look at that.

Well.

Did she offer you a drink.

Oh, she did.

How about a cigar?

Yeah, I got one of those, too.

Well, Sit then.

Except that I got to go to work.

Aw.

But thank you for your hospitality, ma'am.

Well, you are most welcome, kind sir.

Good of you to drop by, Charlie.

Keep Edna company.

Well, I thought at least I could be better

company than that dumb parrot.

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Is that all he ever says?

Of course not.

Tom, Tom.

Sarajevo, Belgrade, Sofia, Plovdiv, and Istanbul.

All aboard.

Now Now what's that's supposed to mean?

It took us a while to figure it out,

but we finally decided it's the last five

stops on the old Orient Express heading east.

Where do you suppose he ever learned that?

Probably from this very strange old man

we bought him from in New Orleans.

Well, you guys have got yourself one weird bird.

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Shifty eyes.

He's making a habit of these afternoon visits, isn't he?

Oh, darling, Charlie's harmless.

Is he?

Completely.

x Belgrade, Sofia, Plovdiv, and Istanbul.

All aboard.

Jack, wake up.

What?

Listen.

It could be one of those cats after Tom.

What happened?

Something broke in here.

Is he all right?

He seems to be all right.

He's a few feathers.

It was one of those cats, wasn't it?

One of those damn cats.

No, it wasn't any cat.

Hello.

Darling, have you seen what our bird has been doing?

Mm-hmm.

Looks like he's building a nest to me.

Drink, Charlie? - Got one.

Cigar?

Oh, I'm all set.

- Stay for dinner? - Oh, he can't.

He has to go to work.

Oh, of course.

Forgot.

I asked Charlie to drop by, darling, so that he could

give us some advice about Tom.

Oh?

You'd better start calling him Tomasina good buddy,

because what you got out there is a female parrot.

You're a parrot expert now, Charlie?

No, but I can tell a male from a female

in pretty near every creature God ever made.

And what you got out there right now

is a female parrot that's fixing to raise a family.

I was so relieved when he told me.

I thought poor Tom was going crazy.

He-- She wouldn't talk and just kept

putting all these little pieces of paper and sticks together,

and the whole time she was building a nest.

Isn't that exciting?

Very.

Yeah, I wonder who the daddy is.

Very good question.

Jack?

Jack?

Jack?

What, what? - You'd better come quickly.

- Why? - It's Tom, he-- she--

Come on.

Impossible.

She looks awful.

Tom?

Tom?

You all right?

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Gee, you've got shifty--

She's dead.

What should we do with this?

We could blow it, keep it as a souvenir.

Ugh, you can't be serious.

Why not?

Well, that's cruel.

I know, we could, uh-- we could incubate it, make it hatch.

We don't know anything about hatching parrot eggs.

I know, I'll call Charlie.

He knows about things like that.

He'll know what to do. - Yeah.

That's a good idea, you do that.

Call Charlie.

Well-- Well, where are you going?

To get To shovel to dig the grave to bury Tom,

unless you want Charlie to do that too.

Oh, don't be that way, Jack.

I told you Charlie is completely harmless.

Is he?

Look, I--

Oh, darling.

Darling, it won't be that way again.

Not like in Mexico.

Not ever again.

Charlie's going away, darling.

Yeah, they want me back at headquarters.

Telex just came in.

I'm going to be gone about six weeks.

I brought this over to hatch your egg in.

Who told you about the egg?

Well, I told him, darling.

I-- I called Charlie while you were out digging

poor old Tomasina's grave.

Now all you do is put the egg in here,

turn the light on, keep it warm, it ought

to pop right out of the shell.

I just knocked this together with some old junk I had laying

around, so it ain't fancy.

But this ought to work.

That's awful sweet of you, Charlie.

Won't you come in and have a drink?

No, no, I can't. I've got to go pack.

Oh.

Here you go, Jack.

Thanks.

You know, I'm kind of curious about what's

going to hatch out of that egg.

Since you say you didn't get a good look at the daddy,

it might turn out to be something unusual.

I never said I didn't get a good look at him.

You saw him?

You never told me that.

Well, what'd he look like

Well, it--

It was different.

Did you hear that?

It's Charlie, he's back.

I heard.

Well, you could at least try to be civil.

I'm always civil.

Always polite.

In fact, sometimes I think I must be the politest man

in the whole world.

Darling, you're going to have to try to do

something about your drinking.

These past six weeks have just been--

I know, you told me.

The past six weeks have been hell.

But if you would just try to--

Do something about my drinking?

All right, I think I will.

I think I'll-- have another drink.

Charlie, I want you to tell me everything.

I want to hear all the details.

Hi, Jack.

Charlie.

How was headquarters?

Oh, great.

Just great.

Wait till you hear when I heard about you.

Really?

Meantime, what can I offer you?

My liquor?

My cigars?

Piano?

My wife.

Now that last remark wasn't very funny, friend.

Oh, Don't pay any attention to him.

For the past few days, he's just been brooding.

Brooding, huh?

About what?

Charlie, you're a mechanical genius.

Well, I always thought of myself as half smart.

But genius?

This, uh, incubator you knocked together.

It worked.

Boy, did it work.

Your egg hatched, huh?

It hatched.

Well, where's the offspring?

Good lord.

It grew to that size in six weeks?

Five weeks.

It took a week for the egg to hatch.

But it's black.

Cold black.

I don't think I ever even heard of a black parrot.

It's not a parrot, Charlie.

Well, what is it?

Well, it's interesting.

You're the expert on, uh--

what'd you call them, all God's critters?

Well, what kind of a critter is that?

Is it male, female, or something in between?

I don't think I've ever seen anything like it.

I want to give the thing away.

Why?

Because it-- watches.

Watches what?

Everything.

Can it talk?

I'm not sure.

Can you talk, handsome?

Is that what you named it?

Handsome?

Hasn't got a name, but I sometimes call it handsome.

Edna doesn't call it anything at all.

Edna doesn't like to be watched.

Well, let's not waste the whole evening

talking about that stupid bird.

Charlie, I want you to tell me all about headquarters.

I want to hear all the gossip.

Well, they're real high on your husband there.

From what I can gather anyway, they're going to--

They've got some real big plans for him.

Did you hear that, Jack?

I'm to be rewarded for aptness of thought and neatness.

Neatness counts for a great deal at headquarters.

You can turn in a report that says nothing at all,

but so long as it's neat, headquarters will be delighted.

Well, I reckon I brought back a little news about myself,

too. - Oh?

What?

I'm going to be transferred.

No.

When?

Next week.

Well, where are you going?

Bogota.

Bogota.

Lot of pirates in Bogota.

Did you hear that, handsome?

Charlie's being transferred to Bogota.

What do you think of that?

Well, I waited as long as I could, Jack,

but I've got to catch that plane.

I just stopped over to say so long.

You say so long to Edna?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we said goodbye.

Hope it wasn't too painful.

Well, Jack, I never like saying goodbye to good friends.

And that's how I'll always think of you and Edna.

Good friends.

You say goodbye to the bird?

You know, Jack, you ought to get rid of that bird.

He don't do nothing but sit up there

and chuckle that mean, low down chuckle of his all day long.

It's driving Edna plumb crazy.

That what she said?

Well, she didn't come right out and say it, but shoot,

you can tell.

You mean you can tell that bird's driving her crazy.

I hope you straighten out, boy.

I surely do.

So long, Charlie.

Hiya, handsome.

Ready for your lesson?

OK, now, repeat after me.

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Oh.

I'll bet you could talk if you wanted to.

I'll bet you could tell me all kinds of interesting things.

I didn't hear you come in.

Just, uh, giving handsome his lesson.

He's not much of a pupil.

You missed Charlie.

He, uh, dropped over to say goodbye.

No.

I didn't miss him.

You saw him?

On the drive, he, uh--

we stopped, we chatted.

He wanted to say farewell.

Charlie, in his wisdom, thinks you're going crazy.

Charlie didn't say that.

Yes he did.

How long was he here?

About an hour, I guess.

I suppose you could spend an hour

saying goodbye to somebody.

Did he tell you you were going crazy?

You're making that up.

No.

He thinks the bird is driving you crazy.

It just makes me nervous, that's all.

Look, Jack, can we talk?

Sure.

Not here.

In the bedroom?

Private, eh?

That's right.

Private.

Mm-hmm.

I have some news, darling.

Some good news.

What?

I'm going to have a baby.

You sure?

I'm very sure.

That is great.

That is just great. When?

I mean, when?

About seven months, I guess.

A baby.

A son.

An heir.

A daughter, I mean.

What would a daughter be?

An heiress.

This changes everything.

No more fighting, no more brooding, no more booze.

Mm, first-- one last celebration.

Bottle of Champagne in the refrigerator.

What do you say?

One last celebration.

But darling, could I ask you just one thing?

Anything.

Can we get rid of that awful bird?

Done. First thing in the morning.

Now, champagne.

What do you think, handsome?

I'm going to be a father.

You don't say so.

What about Jack?

What did you say?

He'll think the child is his.

Don't worry.

He's a fool.

Just kiss me, darling.

Jack, what was that?

Nothing.

Say it again.

Say it just one more time.

He'll think the child is his.

Don't worry.

He's a fool.

Just kiss me, darling.

Jack, where's the champagne?

He's a fool. Just kiss me, darling.

Well, where's the champagne?

Jack!

He'll think the child is his.

Don't worry.

He's a fool.

What about Jack?

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.

Gee, you've got shifty eyes.