Original subtitles

Do we always have to go all out for 4th of July?

Honey, you know it's your dad's favorite holiday.

It's not even fun. He's so bored with all these fun facts he says all the time.

Trust me, I know. I get bored too.

But I have a feeling this 4th of July is going to be a little different.

Okay, if you say so.

Don't worry, it's gonna be fun.

Here comes your father.

Hey girls, did you know that the only two signers

of the Declaration of Independence

who later served as president

was John Adams and Thomas Jefferson?

Isn't that amazing?

That's amazing, honey.

Yeah, I know, right?

So many great facts on here.

The White House first had its first

Fourth of July party in 1801.

This is a tradition we're doing here today.

Oh yeah.

It's a lot of fun, honey.

We really enjoy spending this holiday with you.

Well, I'm so glad you're here.

You know, right over the hill was Charlie Chaplin's house

and he used to have big Fourth of July parties there.

Wow, that's fascinating, honey.

Amazing, right?

Okay, you want some more facts?

Definitely, honey.

Okay, great.

Benjamin Franklin first proposed

that the turkey be the national bird,

but then John Adams and Thomas Jefferson

decided to make it the bald eagle.

Wouldn't that be crazy?

Yeah, really crazy.

And did you know what else?

This is so fascinating.

I did not, tell me.

If the Pilgrims, when they landed at Plymouth Rock,

had shot Bobcat instead of turkey,

we'd all be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.

Ain't that crazy?

Wow, honey, that's fascinating.

I know, right?

Yes.

Just amazing facts.

Here, oh, you want some more?

You know, in 2011, Los Angeles County

outlawed fireworks here in the county,

so they wouldn't let us have fireworks anymore.

But we're gonna have a wonderful time

because at Fourth of July, we got a lot of great food

and there's gonna be so much fun over here.

I've got a clown coming over

and he's gonna do some balloon tricks and stuff.

Oh, wow, that must be Brad.

Who's Brad?

Brad is your stepbrother.

Who?

He's a very nice young man.

Is that him?

Ooh, he's cute.

Behave.

I swear I won't bite too hard.

Come on in, yeah, how have you been?

How do you like the house?

I love the house, yeah.

Wouldn't you say you came to the right place?

Yeah.

Yeah, oh, you know my new wife here

and this is her daughter.

Hi, I'm Jennifer.

Nice to meet you, I've heard so much.

I'm Brad.

Nice to meet you.

Good to see you again, Brad.

Good to see you too, how are you?

Welcome here.

So we finally have an apparati over here?

What's going on?

It's a year in your Fourth of July.

You'd be festive.

You good over there, Pops?

Yeah, I just gotta get this thing lighted.

It's so good to see you.

It's good to see you too.

Look at you, you got all dressed up for the Fourth of July.

I know.

Just like your dad likes it.

Why don't you sit here?

Okay, yeah, sure, you know, just be in the middle.

Yeah, you must be tired.

Yeah, it was a long drive, so you know, I'm just kind of...

Yeah, we want to make sure we take care of you.

You know, I just want to sit down, everything.

Keep an eye on Pops here.

This is why you need to buy American-made products.

I can't find anything.

I'm with you, Dad.

Your dad's so silly.

Isn't he?

So tell me more, Brad.

What have you been up to?

Nothing, I'm just taking a vacation.

You know, it's Fourth of July, I figured over, you know,

Pops invited me over, might as well hang out

and have a good time, right?

Yeah, are you hungry?

Uh, yeah, a little hungry, I'm sure.

So tell me, Brad, what's your favorite part of Fourth of July?

I don't know, I just, I love the food,

I love the American flags.

What about the fireworks?

I love fireworks.

I love creating fireworks.

Yeah?

I'm sure your dad really appreciates you going all out

and even wrapping yourself up in these, um, in this flag.

In the flag, I mean.

That's nice, did you do that yourself?

Well, I just, you know, wanted to be...

Did you like my outfit?

I do, yeah, it's pretty nice.

Your dad didn't really say anything, but that's okay,

as long as you appreciate it.

So, hey, how do you want your burgers done?

Well done or medium?

Medium.

So you do have a great dad.

Yeah.

That's for sure.

Does it get your attention?

Oh, I just, I don't know, I'm just trying to save the family.

I really like this bandana look on you.

I'm just trying to, you know, have a good time.

Oh, we're gonna make sure you have a good time.

I knew this was gonna be a special Fourth of July.

I could just feel it, you know?

Uh-huh.

And you just know deep down...

You know what I mean?

Um, I think I might have an idea.

Oh yeah, I can tell you have an idea.

I like this.

Fourth of July.

I thought you were gonna behave yourself.

Oh, my God.

It's so good.

It's just good.

Fourth of July just got a lot better.

Awesome air too.

I don't think so.

Just one.

You wanna take one?

Yeah.

One.

I don't want his face hidden in the ground.

I know.

Don't you get too loud. I don't want him to hear.

How do you want your burgers done?

Well done.

Brad, how about you?

Yep, the same.

How about you, Sweet Pea?

Uh, well done.

You like that, Brad?

Mwah!

Did you hear that?

Oh, these burgers are coming along real nice!

Awesome, Pops!

You okay, honey?

Oh, yes, honey.

I'm just waiting on those burgers.

All right, they're coming nice and hot.

Oh, yeah.

So how are those burgers going?

They're coming along good, pumpkin.

Yeah? Okay.

Wow, they look good.

Yeah.

The meat's kind of crummy.

It smells good.

Well, yeah.

See, you gotta get American meat.

That way you're keeping the farmers in the United States employed.

People always like to get that Japanese beef.

You know, good old American beef.

That's what I say.

It stays together on the grill.

Right?

Yeah. Hey, Dad.

Can you make sure you put ketchup and mustard on mine?

No problem.

Better for the economy.

You know, you're employing the farmers out here.

And you're improving the economy.

Right, honey?

Yes, honey.

The economy is what's important.

That's right, honey. That's right.

The economy keeps us going.

That's why we live in a big, beautiful house like this.

Oh, true.

It smells wonderful in there.

Well, yeah.

You know, I think we forgot the hot dogs.

But that's okay, because beef is all I need.

Really?

Because I could run in the house and go get some weenies.

No, no, no. No weenies.

You don't want a weenie?

No.

Okay.

So, honey, you want some weenies?

Do you want me to go in the house and get some weenies?

No. How about you share some more interesting facts with me, honey?

Oh, really?

Oh, you love my facts.

Well, you know, interesting fun facts here.

I don't know if you knew about this, but...

Did I tell you you look amazing in that hat?

So tell me about these fireworks you got planned for us.

Oh, well, I got some of those fake ones, you know.

It's like little streamers that pop up.

You know, you pull the string and like, boing, and it pops.

Hey, you know, here's another fun fact.

You know the valley down below over there?

It all used to be orchards.

Orange groves.

And I used to go there every year.

It all used to be orchards.

Orange groves, prunes, danishes.

Oh, wow.

Everything.

I didn't know that.

But it was all orchards.

Then the movie companies came in around 1910, 1921.

And then they opened up all of the studios.

And then they took it over and they used to film over there.

Oh, what's that face?

Isn't that too good?

No, it's a little dry.

You know what?

Oh, honey.

I think I'm going to have to wait a little longer.

I'm telling you, you got to get American beef.

That's the only way you can go.

Mmm, yeah.

This is from like Budapest or something like that.

I don't know.

Are you sure it's real beef, then?

Well, I'm not sure, but there's still marks on it

where the jockey hit it before.

Honey, every once in a while you come up with some good ones.

That's right, honey, I do.

And I'll tell you, the best one I ever came up with was you.

You're my greatest, greatest achievement.

Oh, you're so sweet.

Anyways, I digress.

Honey, can I just tell you that

that hat brings out the color in your eyes.

Oh, thank you.

It really does.

It brings out the color in your beautiful eyes.

Well, thank you, dear.

Times Square? Oh, my God.

Oh, I know.

Yeah, Times Square.

I got to tell you, it was crazy back then.

I really love that you get the family together

to celebrate this holiday together.

I know, right?

This is like really hip, you know,

and we're all kind of grooving along together and stuff.

Beautiful setting.

It's just nice to have everybody get together.

I love it.

Oh, do-do-do-do.

God, this...

Oh, this grill.

I'm really working up an appetite here.

Are you?

It sounds like you are.

You sound very hungry.

Can you hear my stomach grumbling from over there?

I know. It sounds like you're making yummy noises over there.

Yep, it's me being hungry.

We're all hungry.

Okay. Hungry for more.

You sure you don't need any weenie?

Oh, I need some weenie.

I mean, just kidding. I want hamburgers.

You know what I want.

Okay, well, you know, we got weenies.

But he put refried beans

in a California roll.

How can you do that?

Oh, yeah, you can't do that.

I've never had sushi, but I'm sure you can't put beans into sushi.

No, you can't.

No.

Not at all.

You couldn't ask

for a more beautiful day.

It's just absolutely beautiful.

Yeah.

I agree.

Yeah.

Isn't it a beautiful day, Brad?

Oh, yeah, Bob. Great day.

Yeah. God, it's fantastic.

So beautiful out.

It's been raining, right?

I'm so glad the sun's out now.

Well, you know, they say

it's not good to rain in June

because then it dries up here.

But, yeah, it's a great day out.

It was a little windy.

I'm so hungry right now. I can't wait.

Sometimes I just think funny thoughts.

I hope that's not too much smoke, honey.

No, no smoke.

Okay.

I like these glasses that you got us.

It's great.

Oh yeah?

You like those?

I didn't think you'd like those.

Yeah, I really like them.

I'm going to take a lot of selfies with them.

Well, you know, I think it's nice that we're all wearing them together.

One big happy family, right?

Yeah.

We share everything together.

I'm so happy, honey.

Yes, that's right, baby.

All these decorations.

That's great.

You always go all out for Fourth of July.

I always do.

And I tell you, the family that celebrates together, stays together.

You're right.

Yeah.

I can't wait for your fireworks, honey.

Honey, it sounds like you got something in your mouth.

Are you all right?

I think I swallowed a fly accidentally.

You've swallowed a fly?

Oh, God, I'm going to have to get the bug spray.

Don't worry about it, honey.

It's just one of those random flies, you know?

Your hair looks funny.

It's the wind.

You know, wind.

Oh, yeah.

You put enough hairspray in it.

Yeah, you're right.

You remember how I like my burgers.

Yes, you like them well done, honey.

Yes, and I want the works.

Yes.

You kids want the works on yours, too?

Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Okay, we'll get the works on them there.

Boy, these things are just getting cooked like I wouldn't believe.

Geez.

I hope I don't burn them.

I'd like them a little burnt.

Well, they're coming a lot of burns.

Oh, God.

He brought over pickles from Prague, Czechoslovakia.

That was just a kosher.

No, that's his cousin.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, he was a shoe manufacturer.

Really?

Yeah, you know they wanted to remodel their bathroom.

I thought.

I think I'm rubbing off on you, honey.

Starting to get my sense of humor after all.

Why don't you come up here and tell your dad how good he's doing over here.

Show him.

Yeah.

Tell him what exactly you want on your burgers.

Okay.

Burgers.

How are you doing, princess?

I'm doing great. How are you, dad?

Are you having a good holiday?

Yeah.

It's a slam-bang holiday, isn't it?

It's a great holiday.

I mean, I wasn't really excited at first,

but I'm getting pretty excited about it.

It must be really windy,

because your hair's all messed up, too.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah. My hair is a...

It's a crazy thing.

You know, when you have curly hair...

Well, I know, but it's so crazy,

because on this side of the grill, it's not that windy,

but on that side of the grill, it's windy.

I don't know. It's crazy.

Yeah.

It's like earthquakes.

You know another fun fact?

You know, sometimes the earthquake

is more stronger outside of the epicenter

than in the epicenter.

Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

I have no idea.

Yeah. That's nuts.

Yeah.

I can't wait to eat some of those tomatoes and onions and lettuce.

Did you want a weenie?

No, I just want the burger.

Okay, no weenies for you today, huh?

Yeah, none for me.

Okay.

Because I'm sure we can get you a weenie if you want one.

No, I'm fine.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm just gonna stick to what we got here, you know?

Okay.

Mustard, right honey?

Yes, please.

Okay, here's some mustard.

I want mustard too.

Mustard. Brad, how about you? You've been a little quiet there.

Yeah, I've just been hungry is all.

Okay.

I was gonna get some weenies, but the girls said they didn't want weenies.

I think they're good on weenies.

Okay.

Do we have some water?

Yeah.

Here you go, honey.

Oh, it's so nice we could all get together as a family here today, you know?

Yeah, for sure.

I'm glad.

The burgers look great, by the way.

Oh, well, then you're very kind.

You guys said you wanted them well done.

They're starting to look like hockey pucks.

I don't know if we should eat these or donate them to the LA Kings.

I'll still eat it.

Yeah? Does that look good?

Take a look, honey. Does that look good?

Yeah, I think so.

I haven't tried these ones on yet.

Oh, yeah, try those glasses there.

It's nice. Aren't they fun?

I think these would be perfect selfies.

Yes.

What do you think?

Yeah, what is selfie again?

Are you serious? You don't know?

No, what's a selfie?

It's when you take a picture of yourself.

Oh, my God. We've been taking pictures of ourselves for a long time.

Hence why it's called selfie. Hello.

Oh, okay.

Is that like one of those hip-hop terms?

Sure.

Okay. All right.

Honey, you take a lot of selfies.

You just didn't know they were called selfies.

I guess you're right.

You ever done a selfie, Brad?

Yeah, I've done a few.

Yeah?

Okay. It's not so bad.

Not bad at all.

These glasses are cool. I didn't try the blue ones yet, though.

Oh, okay.

God, those burgers just smell amazing.

I think they fell over.

Well, I don't know. By now, they're kind of burnt.

I don't know about you, but I think this hamburger is well done.

Oh, definitely.

Yeah, see?

Yeah. I mean, when I said I wanted it well done, I didn't mean that.

Like this well done.

That's over well done.

Yeah.

Would I be able to eat that?

Well, I don't know.

If not, we can play hockey out on the street.

I don't want anything to go to waste. I'll eat it.

Honey, you are so sweet.

But I wouldn't do that to you.

Listen, like I said before,

I'll take everybody out for sushi, okay?

Really?

Yeah.

That sounds awesome.

For a Fourth of July celebration.

It's not exactly American pie, if you know what I mean.

Well, you could get red, white, and blue sushi, then.

I usually get a little red, white, and blue.

Well, you wait until we get home.

What's going to happen when we get home?

I thought we were home already.

Oh, that's right. We are.

What's wrong with this damn grill?

I'm telling you.

I just...

That guy did not do a good job cleaning this thing out.

I'm telling you.

The lines are clogged.

He just serviced it.

Well, they didn't do a good job.

I got to unclog these pipes here

so the gas flows through.

Uh...

Well, he was a nice gentleman.

A nice young gentleman.

He was?

I'm sure you just got to fudge around with the knobs over there.

Okay.

Do-do-do-do-do-do.

Jeez.

Do-do-do-do-do-do.

Jeez.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Jeez.

That's the truth.

There! I got it fixed.

Alright.

You got it fixed?

See, you gotta do it yourself.

Right.

Can't depend on anybody else.

Where are the girls?

Um, they went to the bathroom because you said we were going out for sushi, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they uh...

We're gonna go to sushi.

They went to the bathroom.

Listen, Brad, now that we got a loan here, I need to talk to you.

You know, your finances are getting out of order.

Uh...

I'm just gonna have to cut you off.

Dad, can we talk about this later?

What the fuck?!

Uh...

Happy Fourth of July?

I love you, boys.