Original subtitles

Well, you figure out why your truck won'’t start?

The gas gauge is frozen on full, but the tank is empty.

Why gas?

Why couldn'’t it have been something less expensive

like a new engine?

It'’s bad, guys.

It'’s bad.

I just got off the phone

with my mom'’s credit card company.

They know she didn'’t make the charges.

Well, they don'’t know it'’s us, right?

No, not yet, but they'’re diggin'.

I tried to throw '’em off the scent

by tellin'’ 'em she'’s got dementia.

But they talked to her and they said to them,

she doesn'’t sound so-- so bad.

She sounded fine. Fine?

The woman thinks you'’re Davy Jones from The Monkees.

If they find out, what'’s the worst that could happen to you guys?

It'’s a felony punishable by up to three years in prison.

Huh. Three years of somebody making all my meals

and nobody wanting anything from me?

Can I think about it?

Well, it'’s too late to return my big-screen TV

that becomes a French painting when you turn it off.

She already has a tracking number.

My little XV435/22 une.

None of us wanna return anything

because we all know that once Bev is playin'’ the harp--

and that is a very generous prediction--

that the card company will just eat the loss.

The dead don'’t pay no interest.

But the living can go to jail.

All right. Well, there'’s only one thing to do.

Dad, you have to go over to Grandma Bev'’s with Aunt Jackie.

Why is it always me?

Because she likes you now.

You'’re the only one that can gaslight her

and make her believe that she bought all that stuff.

Gaslighting an old woman is so cold.

Can I get in on that?

Darlene'’s right, Dan. You have to help me.

You guys suck for makin'’ me do this.

I just hope she'’s havin' a foggy day

so I can convince her that it was her that made the charges.

I'’m goin' to hell for even sayin'’ that.

Well, if you can'’t convince her,

maybe she'’ll listen to Davy Jones.

How she doesn'’t think you're Peter Tork I don'’t understand.

Aren'’t you gonna be late for work?

I told you I try to go in late on All-Meat Mondays.

Having that weirdo, Howard,

carve it all up before I get there.

He brings his own knives,

which bothers me '’cause he's not a chef, so...

But on the upside, when they find the bodies in his trunk,

you get to be in the documentary.

The whole thing is just gross.

I hate these days.

You know what might make you feel better?

Nothing.

You'’re a cynical, negative glass-half-empty crank.

Hey. When you become a therapist,

charge less than the others.

Hey, where are you going with my frying pan?

Oh, it'’s still warm from heatin'’ up my gloves,

so I'’m gonna use it to thaw out Becky'’s gas gauge.

Then I'’m gonna sit on it on my way to the hardware store.

Well, you keep that as my parting gift to you.

Are you okay? What happened?

There was a rat in your sink.

- What? - No! Darlene! No, no, no!

You know what? The neighbors are doing a bunch of construction,

and they probably disturbed a rat mound.

Well, what are you gonna do? Because they could have

up to 12 babies every three weeks.

I mean, that'’s what? What is that?

Like 750,000 a year?

Yeah, somethin'’ like that.

Um, okay. You know what?

I'’m gonna catch it when I get home from work.

Oh, God.

Listen. Do not tell Ben. Oh.

He'’s gonna wanna kill it. Okay? Oh.

Oh, God. Oh. All right.

The only thing that dies in this house are our hopes and dreams.

The Conners is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

Beverly, look who'’s here.

It'’s Jackie and your son-in-law.

And they have flowers.

Hey, Mom. How you doin'’?

If you'’re havin' a bad day, we can go over a few things,

record the conversation on Dan'’s phone,

get out of your hair lickety-split.

No. Come in, Jackie.

I'’m having a very good day.

Then we'’ll work with that.

Guess what September 14th is?

That is my birthday

or as you like to remind me,

the first of many days I caused you pain.

Yes, it is your birthday and I remembered it.

It just popped into my noggin just like that.

And I'’ve been having so much trouble with dates.

Isn'’t this amazing?

Yes, it is.

Sometimes certain things stick, sometimes they don'’t.

Like finances, they come and they go.

So, you seem like you'’re in a really good mood.

You have a lot of energy.

Did my mom have a Gilligan cure?

Or, like, uh-- She got hit in the head with a coconut or somethin'’?

- Is it okay to tell them? - You might as well.

They seem so shocked

that I remembered my daughter'’s birthday.

Your mother was offered to take part

in an experimental drug trial.

It'’s been two months now,

and it really seems to be slowing down the cognitive decline.

Oh, my gosh. Mom, why didn'’t you tell us?

There are a lot of scary side effects in the waiver,

and I was worried you'’d try to stop me.

Oh, I don'’t think she'’d be worried

about scary side effects for you, Bev.

She'’s happier, she'’s eating better

and there are way more good days than bad days.

Did the doctor say if this was permanent?

They don'’t know for sure.

It might last forever,

or it could go away in a day, a week or a month.

And it couldn'’t have happened at a better time.

I just found out that someone has been using my credit card.

What kind of morally bankrupt lowlife would take advantage

of an old woman with dementia?

Uh, there'’s two sides to every story.

You know, people could have a lapse of judgment

in a moment of desperation.

Like it says in the Bible,

"Judge ye not those

who we knoweth not of their desperation,

for they may be scared and about to bolt."

I believe that'’s the Book of-of Roger,

6:13.

So like I said, just stopped by to say hi,

which we'’ll probably do every morning to check in on ya,

see if you'’re confused.

Because if you are, we wanna jump on that.

You know, to be here for ya.

You'’re not getting away that easy, young lady.

We have to talk.

I'’d stay, but this sounds like it'’s gonna be awful.

I guess I had this comin'’.

You certainly do.

You know, when a person gets to a certain age,

they look back on their life

and they take inventory of what they'’ve done wrong.

Well, you'’re about 30 years too late,

but I'’m enjoying the hug so keep going.

I so regret how poorly I'’ve treated you.

I wanna make everything right.

You do?

Tomorrow, I want us to go out

and have a fantastic day in Chicago.

We'’ll go the Art Institute and the Historical Society.

They have the first piece of Wrigley'’s gum.

Can you imagine it?

And we'’ll go to the Grand Hall in Union Station.

It'’ll be just like when you were a child.

But you never took me anywhere when I was a child.

You said it reflected badly on you.

What a monster I was.

Then this will be the mother-daughter day we never had.

Oh... ...are you really saying

that that'’s what you wanna do?

You-- You-- You wanna be with me...

...even though you'’re not sure

how many good days you have left?

More than anything else in the world.

All right. Well, then that'’s what we'll do.

We will.

We'’ll talk and love and forgive.

Lots of forgiveness.

Lots of wonderful, unconditional,

unretractable legally binding forgiveness.

- Hey. - Hey.

How was your day?

Those, uh, plungers finally come to the store?

I know they were stuck in Minnesota for a while.

Yes, they came. Thank God.

You know, with Saint Patty'’s Day comin' up--

Corned beef and cabbage, you do the math.

Oh. Hey, did you see this?

All the corners chewed off?

I think we have a rat.

What? Wait, let me see that.

Oh. Uh-huh. No, it'’s not a rat.

Uh, these are Beverly Rose'’s bite marks.

She'’s, uh-- She's pretending to be a dog again.

And it looks like Becky changed her food,

and she got stressed out.

All right. Well...

...just to be safe I'’m gonna run to my store,

grab some rat traps. We'’ve got rats?

Oh, no. Don'’t overreact.

We maybe have one rat.

Or, like, 750,000 if you trust Jackie'’s math.

Look, just get the kind of traps that don'’t kill.

You do know that it'’s only in Disney movies

that they help you get dressed for the ball.

Darlene, there is a long-standing arrangement

between rats and humans.

We gave them New York City

and in the rest of the country, they'’re fair game.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, I am not playing around.

Use a humane trap.

Really?

Being a vegan includes rats now?

Oh. Okay, okay.

Yes, I will try a humane trap.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

Beverly Rose ate some raisins

off of the kitchen floor this morning.

- You don'’t think-- - No, no.

No, okay?

I was eating some raisins this morning, I dropped a few.

Oh, thank God.

First time in Chicago?

Huh? Oh, no. God, no.

No. My mom lost her mind but she'’s better now,

so we'’re reliving the childhood that I never had.

So, Union Station is our last stop. You?

Oh, my wife loves the old-world glamour of train travel

and she'’s taking a leak.

Yeah. No. My mom loves trains too.

She'’s been looking forward to this all day.

You know, it'’s funny. When she wasn'’t all there,

I never thought that I would get closure

on all the crap she left me holding,

you know, feeling insecure, not good enough, unloved.

And then today at the Hancock Building,

I-I yelled at her, she cried.

She yelled at me, I cried.

Then the Swedish tour group in the elevator with us, they cried.

Those people never cry.

So, I-I just feel like

I'’ve had 60 years of poison drained out of my body.

I'’ve never felt this good.

Oh, I'’m so happy for you,

person I don'’t know or care about.

I'’m ready. Let's go.

Oh, excuse me. But, um,

the older woman in there with the little crocheted hat.

Does she seem ready to come out?

There'’s no one else in there.

Oh. Maybe in one of the stalls?

They'’re all open. There'’s no one in there.

Oh, okay. '’Cause I saw her.

Mom!

Hmm. Anything in the traps?

Nope. But the cheese keeps disappearing.

You ate the cheese, didn'’t you?

I don'’t know why you'’d waste something as delicious as pepper jack

on catching a rat.

Hey. Hey.

What you doing home so early?

You know Howard, the knife guy?

He'’s a person of interest in something,

and they shut the cafeteria down.

Why is there a kill trap on the counter?

Because the humane ones don'’t work.

The rats are too smart.

Dad, I can'’t believe you're actually over here helping him.

You'’ve known how I felt about this since I was a teenager.

Do you remember when I made you catch that field mouse

and take it out to the country?

Did you not notice it only took me ten minutes

to get out to the country and come back?

Look, sometimes we have to make a choice, okay?

We can'’t always humor your feelings about animals

in these situations.

Humor my feelings? Are you kidding me?

Oh, I know where this is going. Bye.

Come on, Darlene. Beverly Rose is so terrified,

she won'’t come out of her room.

You haven'’t even tried to use a humane trap.

Why are your feelings so much more important than mine in this?

Fine. Okay. We'’ll do it your way.

We'’ll let him grow up, send him to college,

and as soon as he goes to Myrtle Beach for spring break,

we'’ll change the locks.

Don'’t make fun of me.

You know what? You'’re being a jerk.

You really wanna drive the rat out? Marry it.

God. Thank you very much.

God, I'’ve been looking everywhere for you.

What are you doing?

Don'’t get excited. I'’m just getting on the train.

I was gonna text you.

You can'’t let this woman on the train.

She has dementia.

I'’m fine. Ask me anything.

The president of the United States is that kid, Joe Biden.

The Vice President is Kamala Harris.

This is my lovely daughter, Jackie Harris. No relation.

That doesn'’t prove anything. Name one senator from our state.

You name one senator.

I'’m not the one trying to get on a train.

Look, I'’m no doctor, but she seems okay to me.

Mom, what are you doing?

Mom. This is a train.

It'’s gonna take you away.

Do you even know where it'’s going?

It'’s going east.

I haven'’t decided where to get off yet.

Isn'’t that wonderful?

But we had an amazing day together.

What? Did I do something wrong?

No, dear. Of course not.

You'’ve never done anything wrong

but try to please an unreasonable old woman.

Today was the best day we'’ve ever had.

Then why would you wanna leave?

What about your clothes?

What about your medication?

It'’s all right here in my tote bag.

I'’ve got a lot of Lululemon. It rolls up very small.

Wait. So you were planning this?

So was this day all just to get me

to drive you to the train station?

No, dear. I could have taken a cab,

but I wanted to have this day with you.

I wanted your face to be the last one I saw

before I went on my grand adventure.

Please don'’t do this.

I have to.

I'’m not going to sit around in my apartment

until I don'’t know where I am.

I want to die living.

But it isn'’t fair.

We finally have a day where I want you to stay.

But now you'’re leaving me?

That'’s why I gave you this day.

If I knew for sure I could remember to love you every day,

I would never leave you.

Give my nurse a good tip. I have a reputation.

Mom.

All aboard!

And don'’t worry about the credit card.

I called and said they were my charges.

I hope you and the family enjoy

everything you scammed from the credit card people.

I know that I am.

You know, I could grab you right now and keep you here.

But you won'’t.

Now wave goodbye.

Don'’t get murdered.

I love you too.

Here you are.

I'’ve been looking all over town for you.

Even went to Costco to see if you were trying flannels on

in the boys'’ section.

I was worried.

You know, I didn'’t mean to make you that upset.

Well, I didn'’t think you noticed.

Look, I know how much you care about animals.

Probably more than you care about me.

It'’s-- It's where you jump in and say no, but okay.

And I tried to catch the rat in a humane way,

but it just wasn'’t gonna happen.

No, you'’re not getting it.

This isn'’t just about the rat.

You'’re not really listening to me.

It'’s like when I talk about my job

and I-I tell you how hard it is

for me to go in and serve meat every day.

You just dismiss it, or you make a joke.

Well, yeah, I make a joke because you make a joke.

I mean, that'’s the foundation of our whole marriage, right?

We both have horrible lives,

but we can laugh about it.

Yeah, but sometimes jokes aren'’t jokes.

I-I need you to check in on me

and see how I'’m feeling every once in a while.

Just like I asked you

about your stupid plungers, for God'’s sakes,

because I know that'’s a stress at your job.

I-I guess I'’m still learning to figure out which ones are jokes

and which are a cry for help.

Look, I-I get that there'’s a learning curve.

But let'’s say I make a joke about the same thing 3000 times,

that is your clue that something is bugging me

and to take it seriously.

You got it.

Okay, so what happens if I check in on you

and you were making a joke and didn'’t need me to check in?

Well, then you'’re being too clingy

and that is like a huge turnoff.

So I can'’t win?

Yeah. Now you'’re getting it.

Uh.

What'’s up with the chickens?

We wanted to show you that we care about animals too.

So tonight, we'’re not serving chicken. We'’re serving chickens.

Wait, you'’re not just fattening them up

to eat them later, right?

No, no. That would be wrong.

Right?

Jackie'’s here. I gotta hear about her day with Bev.

So how was it? Is Bev going to press charges?

No, she'’s covering for us.

Oh, thank God. Mm-hmm.

I finally got the mother I'’ve always wanted today.

Then the day ended at Union Station

where my mom got on a train

and went God-knows-where.

What are you talking about?

Bev didn'’t want to live the rest of her life confined to her home.

So she set off on a glorious journey,

and she'’ll just see where it takes her. What a day.

Are you out of your damn mind?

You let a 96-year-old woman,

who thought her granddaughter was Davy Jones a few weeks ago,

get on a train alone?

And you don'’t even know where she'’s going?

I didn'’t need to.

She'’s doing what she wants

and she'’s thinking pretty clearly now too. Ask Dan.

Yeah, she is. For now.

Wow.

I really thought the chicken playing piano

was gonna be the highlight of the night.

You'’re not really being serious, are you, Aunt Jackie?

You stopped her, right? Come on.

God. You guys just don'’t get it.

You guys don'’t understand how beautiful it is

to see an old, frail woman get on a train alone

and not know where she'’s going.

I mean, I don'’t think I'’ve ever seen her happier.

Sure, because she thinks she'’s on a train to Marrakech

with Crosby, Stills & Nash.

She wasn'’t just leaving.

She was giving me the gift of closure

and release from responsibility.

I'’m tracking her phone.

If she gets into trouble, I can go get her.

I swear, you people,

you couldn'’t appreciate something profound and moving

if it was right in front of you.

Oh, yeah? You might feel differently

when you see what'’s going on in the kitchen.

Well, that'’s the most ridiculous--

It takes two chickens to peck out "Heart and Soul."