All language subtitles for Mr Reliable (2024_05_09 13_28_06 UTC)

[SUBTITLES ENABLED]

[STRAYAN ENGLISH]

[UNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT]

[honking and yelling]

Come ride with us.

Mwa.

So, where were you?
Long Bay gaol?

Yeah.

So, when did you get out?

Friday.

I see you've got yourself a car.

Yeah, public transport's down the shitter.

Fella, needs a car.

Whatcha do? Steal it?

Nah, I had some money put away.

Mainly because I didn't waste any on a lawyer.

Ran me own defense.

Jesus, Wally! No wonder you were convicted.

Run your own defense.

What did you do?
Plead innocent on the grounds of insanity?

Yep. I reckon a fella could make something of this.

Ten dollars a week, Wally.
Paid every Monday.

And no mucking around. D'ya hear?

Don't worry, Fred. I'm making a new start.

Gonna get a job and everything.

Wally Mellish...

..."Mr Reliable", you can call me.

You used to have a dog, didn't ya?

Nipper, yeah, is that a problem?

Bloody vicious as I recall.

Took a chunk out of Doug Abalene's arse.

Not vicious, Fred, just hungry.

Doug's so fat, Nipper thought he was a steak on legs.

Hey Wally. I mean Mr Reliable.

My heart's not too good.
The doctor said I gotta be careful.

I don't want no trouble.

I told you, Fred, things are different now.

Don't you worry about number five Glenfield Road.

Nothing's gonna happen here.

...on this very hot Saturday morning....

Got a price on the Lucky Dog Louise?

Nope.

Doreen, need a price on Lucky Dog juicy meat. 12 ounce.

25 cents.

Jesus!

Holy shit!

I've just had those trousers dry cleaned.

It's not the cleaning, Marjorie, it's the third commandment.

Doreen.

Bucket and mop to aisle three.

You go to church don't ya, Mr Wilson?

Mmmh.

What is the third commandment anyway?

Isn't that the one about taking the lord's name in vain?

Ugh.

Still think Mr Morris could've given me another chance.

He didn't have to fire me.

You've had plenty of other chances, Beryl.

So, what are you going to do now?
What with the baby and everything?

Maybe you should've married that bloke after all.

I'll manage.

I'll have to, won't I?

Guess I'll have to move back in with Mum - at least until I get another job.

I'd hate us to lose touch, Beryl.

Maybe we could...
...go out this week and have a drink.

What, celebrate me being unemployed you mean?

No. You know.

No...

...I don't know.

Say hello to Mrs Wilson for me.

Good boy.

Wally Mellish.

Hello, Beryl.

Hi.

Nice looking boy you've got.

Guess that must be Frank Saunders' kid, huh?

Yeah, fat lot of good he was.

Leslie's my boy now aren't you, Darlin'?

He's trouble. Tell him to get lost, Beryl.

Can I give ya a ride?

We're just having a nice Sunday walk.

I wasn't talking to you. What do you say, Beryl?

Thanks Wally, but I can't leave Fay here.

We could put her on a bit of rope. She could run along behind.

Piss off, Wally.

Aw, come on Fay. It's too hot to argue.

Haven't seen you around.

That's not surprising. I haven't been in gaol.

How long you in for?

Nine months this time.

Grand larceny, they called it.

It's a fancy name for pinching a car.

I bet you didn't get any time off for good behaviour.

How'd you know?

Hey, you're a Mellish aren't you?

All the Mellishes are thieves.

It's not true.
There's thirteen of us and I'm the only thief.

The only one who's been caught.

It's bloody disgusting.

What is?

Well the cops.

Just shows you how hopeless they are.

You're right there.

I heard you're working at a supermarket.

Not anymore.

God decided it wasn't right for me.

Jesus, Beryl. You haven't found religion have you?

Don't worry, I got over it.

You're looking good, Beryl.

I'm starting to feel sick.

It's not easy with a two year old, but I try.

What's happening with you, Wally?

Oh, I reckon I'm getting on the right track now.

Got a place of my own, you know.

You?

I'll get that bit of rope if you like.

Well are you going to show it to us?

Beryl, your mum's going to be dirty.
She told you never to get mixed up with the Mellishes.

Having a look at Wally's place isn't getting mixed up.

Is there something wrong with this car?

What do you mean?

I've never know anyone to change gears so bloody much.

I picked up a few things from Johnny Keinan.

He runs a garbage dump now.

It's incredible, the things people throw out.

A couch...

...these chairs...

...this table. Look at it.

Solid as a rock.

Some people; they must have shit for brains, throwing out stuff like this.

Television.

Does it work?

Sure.

Leslie loves TV.

Every night, we sit together and watch the quiz shows.

These kids gotta start learning young these days.

Quiz shows?

I never thought of that.

That's a good idea, Beryl.

...it's pretty simple.

Peter Burgen's in our soundproof room...

...ready to tell you what the subject is. It's "animal".

The subject is "a monkey's uncle".

Animal. A monkey.

This is the, uh, main bedroom.

It's nice.

That's an heirloom.

Mum gave it to me.

It's nice too.

So do you like it? The place, I mean.

It unhooks at the front.

Oh. Sorry.

Don't be. It's a new thing.

You fellows can't be expected to remember everything.

What are they doing?

Where's Mummy?

[moans]

Beryl?

Beryl, are you alright?

[moans]

Shit Beryl. I am sick of being the one who has to do all the explaining.

Thousands of youths protested in George Street today...

...at President Nixon's comments...

...that the United States could look forward to at least another year of fighting in Vietnam.

That's the lot, then.

The scene got ugly when police moved in to try and control the crowd...

...and demonstrators tormented the police officers.

Just hope you know what you're doin'.

Well that's nice. Coming from her own brother.

She's got a bit of a streak to her, that's all.

You'd think would have got married, what, with the baby and that.

Frank Saunders wanted to.

He knew what people would be saying...

...but Beryl wouldn't have a bar of it.

She's too headstrong.

I reckon I can handle it, Reg.

Mmh...

....exactly what Frank thought.

Then she broke two of his teeth.

Why?

It's the kid.

Anyone messes with that Leslie...

...they'd better watch it.

Thanks, Reg.

See ya, Mate.

It's coming on, isn't it?

Yeah.

All it needs is a couple of nice...

...ornaments.

Hey!

You bloody mongrel, Mellish!

Of all the things he could steal, he had to go and take a Jag ornament.

Ah come on Wally, don't fuck around.

Just a couple of questions, Wall'.

Back off, will ya. I've got a woman in here.

Stop boasting and just open the fucking door.

And a baby.

What's going on, Wally?

It's alright, Love. Just get Leslie will ya?

Shit!

Jesus Christ.

This is my home.

We're coming in to get you, Wall'.

I told ya, I've got a woman and a baby in here.

Yeah, so what?

We've got Elvis out here.

Leave the fucking king out of this.

I warned you.

Hey, don't be so bloody stupid.

It's bullshit. Always was.

Always will be.

Honestly, Wally, I've been here three days.

Come on, Wall'.

Let's see this baby of yours.

Come on, you lying turd.

We're coming in to get you, Wall'.

Shootin' at the house, you fuckwits.

I told you I had a baby.

Oh shit.

Now piss off!

Did you see that?

He had a hold of her.

Yeah.

I mean what did they want anyway?

Aww, you know what they're like.

Anything gets stolen or something,
"Let's go see Wally Mellish."

It's not my present is it?
Not the ornaments?

Nah.

Nah, probably something happened 50 miles away.

That bubble-guts bastard; that fat one...

...he's one of the worst bastards around here.

Bye bye, Mummy.

You saw him; and before he came out with the woman and the baby, he fired at you. Is that right?

Yeah, with a 12 gauge.

Four seven to base.

Please inform highest level, we have a siege on our hands.

Number five Glenfield Road, Glenfield.

Sorry, four seven, you've got a what?

A siege, your moron. S E I G -

Hang on, hang on.
Just hold on a minute, base.

What's your problem, Son?

Sorry, Sargent; it's I before E except after C, so S I E G E, siege.

What is this, a spelling contest?

Dickhead!

Yes, that's right. A siege, base.

- Hot enough for it.
-You're right there.

"The policeman then grabbed me firmly by the coat and flung me hard onto the ground."

"My glasses broke."

Look, they sent these young reporters along on purpose, Norm, just to stir up trouble.

When you start slamming into reporters and photographers, that's when you get trouble.

There's a code, Don.

A code of behaviour.

Sorry, Commissioner, there's a call from Mr Ferguson.

Tell him to hang on, Gloria.

It's a Sargent from Liverpool. He sounds rather agitated.

Keep him waiting. Two minutes, Gloria.

There were 70,000 people and I know it was tough.

But was it your idea that our boys take their identity badges off?

No! I didn't order them to, no.

But.

But what?

Well fuck it Norm, a lot of our boys are probationary constables trying to do their job.

These demonstrators. You think they're all little homos, sure...

...but they're violent, mate. Even the girls.

They might look like the scum of the earth...

...but you bet your life their daddy's a lawyer...

...or some smart-arse.

And they'll go running to him.
Before you know where you are...

...a young fellow's career's been ruined.

Apart from that.

It was sp ... spontaneous, sort of.

The word ... just went 'round. They took their badges off.

And you what?
Just turned a blind eye?

I'll take that call now, shall I?

Sit down!

You know what you are, Don?

You're something out of the brontosaurus times.

Premier's already been on the phone.

Tell Ferguson that this is the last time I back him up.

That's what he said.

So you just pass that on to those boys, Don.

To those young, spontaneous boys of yours.

Gloria, we'll take that phone call.

Ferguson speaking.

A siege?

What the hell's a siege?

And you put that over the police radio?

You fucking idiot!

Don't you know that ever newspaper and television station in the country listens to that?

Why don't you just take out an advertisement?

Get in and drag the turd out before he digs in!

Now what's this one, Don?

Ugh.

Some little shit out at Glenfield's holding a woman hostage.

You can't just "drag him out", Don.

Now the local boys are not equipped to handle something like this.

The next thing you know he shoots her and we have another public relations disaster.

It's not as simple as that, Norm.

We gotta act fast. There's a baby involved.

A baby?

And you want to drag him out?

For pity sake.

Gloria.

Find that Sargent. Get him back on the phone.

Thank you for the use of the telephone, Mr Morgan.

Now I don't want anyone to worry.

I assure you this will all be over before lunchtime.

Jeez, I hope not!

Better be, Sargent.
We are not in the Sydney phone district.

These are long-distance phone calls you're making.

Yes, well we appreciate your cooperation.

We're happy to oblige. Aren't we, Gordon?

It's not like we've got a choice.

[phone ringing]

Yes.

Yes. Yes, speaking.

Oh.

Oh, good morning Mr Commissioner.

Good old 3-0-3, Beryl.

It's what the 8th division used in New Guinea.

If it wasn't for the 3-0-3...

...we'd all be eating with chopsticks now.

Come on, kids. Out! Move it! Kevin! Go!

He's fired again.
He might have shot the woman.

We better get the SWAT team out there.

I'll try and get Mellish on the phone.
See if I can't talk to him.

The noise give a fright eh, little fella?

He'll be alright now.

Come and watch some telly.

There you are darling.

Watch some telly.

Hasn't put him off his telly.

[phone ringing]

Wally Mellish speaking.

Ah, Mr Mellish. This is Norman Allan.
I'm the commisioner of police.

It's Norm Allan.

Oh God, Beryl. What's the point of the quiz shows?

He's the commissioner of police.

Shit Wally. What have you done?

And it can't be the ornaments. It must be something really bad.

Is that Beryl you're talking to?

Is she alright, is she?

Yeah. Why wouldn't she be?

And the baby? Everything OK there?

They're both OK, so far.

I understand you have a grievance of some kind...

...and you're threatening to shoot your wife.

Is that right?

Oh, Beryl's not my wife.

Well not exactly.

The way things are going, I reckon it might turn out that way.

And I might have a grievance.
I might have a lot of them.

But I'm not coming out 'til those dickheads are called off.

Oh Wally.

You don't mind if I call you "Wally"?

You're the commissioner of police.
You can call me what you want.

I'm just not coming out, that's all.

But, just promise me one thing will you?

Just sit there and don't do anything silly.

Now that's not much to ask, is it?

I'm not promising nothin'.

Do you mind if I call you "Norm"?

Not at all.

I'm not promising nothin', Norm.

Alright, Wally.

Oh and ... just tell Beryl not to worry.

We'll get all this sorted out.

And Wally, one more thing.

There's going to be a few more of our people outside there soon...

...just to stop sightseers.

You know how it is with the media and that.

Uh.

Yes, Wally. No, Wally. Three bags full, Wally.

Norm said not to worry, Love.

Oh, good.

Why, should I be?

Nah.

This will all blow over. You watch.

You're just like my mum, the way you keep peepin' out that window.

Norm said there'd be extra cops in case of sightseers, but good grief.

They must be expecting half of Sydney.

You want a cup of tea?

That'd be nice. Thanks Love.

Hey Beryl.

I like the way you walk.

Oh, that's easy. Anyone can do that.

Wally Mellish.

What?

We've got tear gas.

You've got one minute to come out before we come in and get you.

Tear gas?

I got a baby in here, ya fuckhead!

Did Norm tell you to use tear gas?

Norm who?

Mr Allan to you.
The commissioner of fuckin' police.

And who said you could use his first name?

I just spoke to him.

He told me to sit tight.

So if you don't want to be shoveling shit for dinner, I'd get onto the phone to him.

Look at that, will you.

It's the TV stations.

Shit, Wally.

We're going to be on TV.

And people said you'd never amount to anything.

Well, it just shows you.

Who said I wouldn't?

Like you know, people down at the pub and stuff.

Forget it.

I bet they'll never be on TV.

No.

Guess you're right.

All three channels too.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Hey, I like your glasses.

Got broken at the demo yesterday.

Did you do that story?

I wasn't allowed to cover it.
No place for a girl, they said.

Yeah.

It was pretty hairy.

I saw your fellow talking to the coppers.

I was more in the thick of it.

Heard some stuff on the police radios.

Anything new happening?

Not at the moment.

I mean the baby's the problem.

Otherwise they would have shot the shit out of him by now.

Oh, it's a good yarn though.

Australia's first hostage drama.

Glenfield gets a Kentucky Fried Chicken, next thing you know it's...

...well, it's just like Texas.

Move back.

Jesus, the police are taking this seriously.

There's that idiot Ferguson.

Mr Ferguson.

How long do you expect Mellish to stay in there?

No comment. Everything's under control.

You're the little prick that wrote that story in today's paper, aren't you?

All that bullshit about your glasses.

Constable, keep the press well back.

We don't want to jeopardise their safety.

-Alright, you lot. That's as far as we're going.
-What sort of weapons has this man got?

I'm glad you're here Don. There seems to be some confusion about using tear gas.

You can forget that.

This is going to be negotiated by the commissioner. In person.

What?

He thinks that after yesterday's riots, we need a more sensitive approach.

Christ! One days it's law and order, the next it's flower power.

Can't someone make up their minds?

He's gonna need a base.

We can't have the commissioner sitting in the middle of a paddock.

Even if he is an idiot.

What about that house over there?

Starts off with the telephone...

...and now it's the whole house.

I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my entire life!

We are asking you to ... temporarily ... move in with the neighbours.

The, err. The Jakovitches.

The Jakovitches!?

Those people; they're not much better than migrants.

They don't even have a TV.

Kevin's right, Sargent. We'll have to take the TV.

It's the summer holidays. I don't know what the children will do without it.

I'm not sure that that's possible.

But it's The Man from U.N.C.L.E. today.

The TV had better be there, Sargent or there will be trouble.

I'll get me own rifle out, hey kids!

What?

Nothing, I was just looking.

No, I don't think I've ever told you how beautiful you are.

Quit it out Wally. I know what you're after.

No, I'm not.

I just wanted to say it. That's all.

How long are we gonna stay in here, Wally?

That's what I've been thinking.

When I got out of Long Bay, I still had time to serve.

The let me out on parole.

I know those bastards, though.

They're going to say that shooting at cops...

....even up in the air, when they're trying to bust into your house...

...is some big violation.

You let 'em have it with a 12 gauge, I reckon they will.

How long would you have to go back in for?

It was complicated.

It was time off for this; time off for that.

Wouldn't they give you papers or somethin'?

Ah, threw 'em away.

You threw them away?

I've been watching you with your magazine and that.

I'm not clever like you, Beryl.

I never even learned to read and write.

Well, you're clever in different ways, Wally.

I don't know anyone who could have fixed up a place as nice as this.

Do you mean that?

Of course I do.

I'm worried about you and Leslie.

If I go away, I mean.

Oh, we'll get by. We always have.

We'll just wait for you.

It's not much...

...it might not make a difference...

...but it would to me.

I was thinking...

...maybe we should get married.

Now, I mean.

Married?

How are we going to get married?

There's fifty cops out there.

We can't stroll down to the church, can we?

Leave that to me.

But ... Wally...

...you haven't even asked me.

Not like properly.

Beryl Muddle...

...my beautiful Beryl...

...would you do me the great honour of agreeing to marry me?

I would be delighted, thank you Wallace.

Do you really think you can do it?

Yeah.

Come and have a look at this.

So who long's this going to take, Sargent?

Oh, it shouldn't take too long now, Mr Morgan.

We'll only be a short time. I assure you.

No.

No, I don't think we can stay, Sargent.

Look at this place!

We've got standards.

And what about that young Helen?

She's only sixteen. Do you know she was pregnant three times last year?

Well, it will only be for a few hours, Mrs Morgan.

Just 'til we get the problem sorted out.

I hope so, Sargent. I've smelled their cooking all the way down the street!

Mr Jakovitch.

[foreign language]

Yes. Um. Err.

The Morgans have, uh, brought their television with them.

Where should they put it?

We don't want no TV.

All bloody bullshit!

Hey! Mind your language, fella.

Not in front of my family.

Thank you, Gordon.

We got no aerial anyhow, so the TV's no bloody good mate.

Yeah, well, they've brought their own aerial.

Come on, hurry up!

Come on!

Ohhh, shiiit.

- Come on.
- Move!

Sir.

And we've, uh, contacted the psychiatrist that dealt with Mellish out at the bay.

What did he treat him for?

Depression.

Swallowed broken glass.

Jesus! A certified nutcase.

Where is this psychiatrist?

Ah, he's here.

He-

He, he's in the toilet.

Well get him out!

Let him finish what he's doing first.

Hi ya Wally.

Wally.

How you doing, Man?

Tony Morrow.

I was your shrink out at the bay.

Remember the time that you tried to, uh, hurt yourself?

Ooh yeah.

The hippie homo!

Whatever you say, Man.

And you can stay right there.

Remember that time, out at the bay...

...uh...

...when we talked about violent to the self and, um, what a bummer it is?

Yeah, I remember.

You played with yourself all the time!

Wally, uh...

...let's not do it this way, Man. Hey?

Let me in.

We can talk.

Remember that time that we, uh...

...cried together?

You cried, but I didn't.

And we can talk fine like this.

Uh. Wally.

I-I'm not saying this as some sort of, like, authority figure, Man.

I-I want to be friends with you.

And um...

...what I want you to do is to...

...put down your guns and...

...come outside.

Yer friends are important, aren't they Doctor?

Yes.

Well as a friend ... listen closely.

Get lost ... or I blow your balls off!

Cool.

Peace.

What ... you've got on your hands, Man...

...is ... a classic psychopath.

If I can't reach him ... no-one can.

Right!

It's time for action.

Yes it is, Don.

But not the sort of action you've got in mind.

What are they doing?

One of the sound guys told me.

They got a radio mic from 'em and they're going to stick it up through a crack in the floor.

I reckon they'll be able to hear everything Wally says.

[radio static]
Picking it up alright?

No, not yet, Sir.

Get down! Get back!

Man, that's even closer.

God, what a turn on!

Sorry, Love.

The least you can do is warn me before you blast off with that thing.

Argh, there were two of the bastards just creeping up, like, trying to get under the house...

...and now they've gone creeping right back.

You'll kill someone, if you're not careful.

Nah, not to worry, Love. It's all just "boom boom" up in the air sort of stuff.

[phone ringing]

It never stops, does it?

Wally, is Beryl alright?

Of course she is. Who's this?

Er, Norman Allan, uh, I heard her scream.

Bullshit! You couldn't have. Sydney's 45 miles away.

I'm next door, Wally.

Y'are? Well nobody told me.

Welcome to Glenfield, Norm.

Oh thank you, Wally. Sure Beryl's OK?

Never better, thanks Norm.

Happiest day of her life, actually.

I've just proposed to her and she's done me the honour of accepting.

Oh, wonderful news!

They're getting married.

Very good news.

Well perhaps I can be best man at the wedding when all of this is over.

Aw, Geez...

...best man. We'd be privileged, Norm, but...

...we weren't thinking of waiting 'til it's all over.

We'll talk about coming out after we're married.

After?

That's right, Norm.

Why don't you get onto Reverend Paton out at the bay...

...ask him to tee it up. Straight away like.

Well, Wally, I'm not sure that's-
-Come on, Norm.

If you're gonna be best man, you gotta pull your weight.

Oh and one more thing.

What?

Beryl and Leslie send their best.

Told you we could do it.

You don't mind Norm being best man, do you?

I thought it best to humour him.

I don't want to be rude ... but I don't think Norm's real bright.

Not to be rude, Don, but I don't think Norm's real bright.

Yeah, but we're trying to keep it a secret.

Only a couple of million people know about it.

Constable.

Call the reptiles together, will ya?

The boss wants to give them an update.

The reptiles, Sir?

Things that live under a rock, Son.

- The media.
- Off you go, Son.

Indians came and ate Dad's scotch finger biscuits.

Really, Dear?

- They did, Mum. Lots of Indians.
- Yes, dear.

The hostage crisis in Glenfield continues today...

...with Wally Mellish still refusing to give himself up.

Wally!

There was, however, one surprising turn of events.

Mr Ferguson, is it true they're getting married in there?

It could be the strangest wedding of the year...

...with a real surprise as the best man.

Oh, Wally
Stay tuned to Channel 7 news...

What a wedding announcement
...coming up after this break.

Countless police watched the route...

...from the University of Sydney to Chifley Square...

...particularly at scenes of recent demonstrations.

And now to the hostage drama.

The gunman fired several shots at police...

...and is still refusing to come out of his house...

...in Glenfield Road, Glenfield.

Some thirty members of the riot squad were sent...
Oh, look at us Oh, look at us! Woooo!

Police commissioner Mr Norman Allan...

...has decided to take charge of the investigations personally.

Idiot.

Today's temperature continued to soar...

...with the expected maximum of 85 degrees...

...reached by three o'clock.

Tomorrow's temperature is expected to be 90 degrees...

...as Sydney's hot summer continues.

...and some of that.

One of those?

Yep.

Want onions?

Thank you.

I wonder what it is about January.

Everything always ends up so extreme.

Bush fires, heat waves...

...even people's behaviour.

It's because January is Australia.

It's the beach, zinc cream and waking up to cicadas in the morning.

Anywhere else in the world and they would have shot the shit out of him.

But not here.

We're going to have a wedding instead.

I know it sounds stupid, but...

...that seems really Australian to me.

It's not stupid.

It's the kind of madness that makes you feel good about the place.

What about your girlfriend?

What about your boyfriend?

When I first became a reporter, someone once said to me that...

...whatever I get up to...

...out of town, doesn't count.

Is 45 miles "out of town"?

It is in January.

Do you reckon they're gonna try and get in during the night?

He said on TV we we're going to be married.

I know half the country loves a wedding.

They wouldn't be game, Love.

They wouldn't be game.

Can I help you?

Yeah.

Paul's the name, Son, but you can call me Gutser.

He still in there?

You have business on Glenfield Road, have you?

No!

Just come to have a look.

What...

...with two hundred pounds of sausages?

Oh, maybe I haven't heard. Is there a law against barbecuing now?

Listen, Son.

I fought to keep this country free.

Two years up on the bloody Kokoda Trail.

If I want to cook two hundred pound of sausages in a paddock...

...I reckon that's my business.

Besides...

...I won't have anyone...

...especially another Australian...

...telling me where I can or cannot have a barbecue.

You understand?

Go on, piss off then.

Good on you, Son.

Mmm.

Open up.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Beryl? Is that you, Beryl?

Yes.

It's Mr Allan here, Beryl...

...the police commissioner.

Now listen carefully. We're going to get you out of there.

Do you hear me?

Of course I do.

She's speaking funny. He's probably got a hold of her or something.

You don't have to say anything, just "yes" or "no".

Has he hurt you?

No.

Is he calm enough to talk; yes or no?

Yes.

Hello.

Oh Wally.

I've got the reverend Paton here with me.

Is it alright if we come over there and have a talk?

Yeah sure.

Just give us 30 minutes, like, to get ready.

He's gonna meet with us.

Now that's a big step in a difficult situation.

I think we're really getting somewhere, Don.

Well I still think we should have tear-gassed him.

Watch.

Situation is completely under control.

First of all, let me say, that the situation is completely under control.

Now I have spoken, personally, to Beryl Muddle...

...and established that there is no immediate threat...

...to either her or her child.

We'll be going in there, shortly, to talk to Mr Mellish.

What capacity, Mr Allan?

Police commissioner or best man?

Well I'll be talking to Mr Mellish about a number of things.

Is it true that Sargent Campbell and the two constables...

...who tried to arrest Mellish will be receiving bravery awards?

All the police involved in this incident deserve the highest commendation.

Now there have been allegations in recent times...

...about the excessive use of police force.

But anyone who's seen the professionalism and restraint...

...here at Glenfield, will know that that's not true.

Any more questions?

When do you expect to see Wally to come out?

I think we'll all be home by dinnertime.

Except Wally, of course. He's already home!

What will he be charged with, commissioner?

As far as charges go, no decision has been made.

Does that mean you'll do a deal with him?

We don't do deals.

Theoretically, then, what's on the list?

Attempted murder, abduction, illegal firearms?

- Reckless endangerment...
- And, of course, he's broken parole.

Is it true that...

...is it true that this is the second time he's broken parole?

And if so, does that mean you will do a deal with him, then?

I said before, we don't do deals.

I think I'll turn the TV off. OK, Love?

Why?

Doesn't look like we're serious.

They'll think all we do's sit around all day and watch Gunsmoke.

Well Naked City's on the other channel.

That's a serious programme.

You're treating this like a joke.

No, I'm not.

I just don't see why Leslie can't watch TV if he wants to.

It's none of their business.

Alright, love. Let's don't argue about it.

I'll just ... turn the volume down a bit, OK?

That's your trouble, Wally. You care too much about what people think.

What are you doing now?

Not to worry, Love.

Just another one of my good ideas.

They're on their way, you know.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

Who?

The three wise men.

More like Larry, Curly and Moe.

Looks like you've ... got yourself ... into strife again.

Not nothing I can't handle, Mate.

Good boy, Nipper.

Hello.

Norm.

Sorry I can't shake hands with you.

Hey Reverend...

...why don't you sit here?

Norm...

...over there.

And you on the couch, hey, Mr Ferguson.

Beryl.

Don't worry about Beryl. She's alright.

Now...

...this rope...

...it's connected to three hand grenades.

Don't know if you know anything about explosives, Norm...

...but all the force in here's gonna come inwards.

One pull on these ropes...

...and we're all dead.

For God's sake, Wally!

The 12 guage is one thing, but bloody hand grenades!

It's alright, Love...

...but I gotta be careful.

You can't tell what tricks some people get up to.

Nobody's going to get hurt, though...

...because nobody's going to do anything stupid, are they?

Wally.

We can't talk sensibly like this.

Hand grenades?

I don't like it either, Reverend...

...but this is the way we're going to have to do it.

All I want's for me and Beryl to get married.

I don't think you understand.

Legally, there's seven days notice required for a marriage for a start.

Secondly ... marriage ... is a holy ordinance.

A vow.

A solemn promise made before God.

It's not something that's done under ... duress.

Reverend's right, Wally.

It's not simply the law we're talking about.

Marriage is in the sight of God.

It's nothing like duress here.

Don't you worry about that.

Miss Muddle.

Well...

...Wally asked me I said yes.

But do you want to, Beryl?

I suppose.

Do you realise you're jeopardising lives here?

A small child, Beryl here.

Nobody's jeopardising any lives.

We're just minding our own business.

But you took the law into your own hands, Son.

And you are facing serious charges.

Maybe we can go ... a bit easy on you if you come out with us now.

First we get married, Norm...

...then we talk about coming out.

This afternoon then?

There are deeper questions involved, Commissioner.

Questions ... I have to ask myself...

...as a churchman.

This afternoon, Reverend?

Hand grenades, Wally!

I'm not going to marry a madman.

Well there's no point in going on then.

I might as well end it all now.

Wally!

Campbell's soup. Garden vegetable.

Where would I get hand grenades, Beryl?

Go and have a look. Maybe I've got a tank in the garage.

Ten minutes on the telephone. That'll be twenty bucks.

Two bucks a minute.

Jesus Christ, Les.

If you're not happy, you can always use the phone down on Liverpool Road.

That's five miles away.

And, mysteriously, the handset's been stolen three times.

Yeah. Pity about that.

Bloody news editor.

Wonderful people.

Wants me to approach the wedding from a more...

...sociological angle.

Oh, let me guess.

"What will the bride be wearing."

Worse.

The colour of her underwear.

You're kidding?

Nothing like wedding to bring out the best in people, hey?

I'm sorry, Mum. It's just going to be the minster, Mr Allan, and some other cop.

Well that's right. I'm not sure a white wedding would've been appropriate anyway.

No, I was thinking of the blue dress...

...with the low neck. Or I've made a red dress.

I've got the white shoes and bag.

Yeah.

Then?

Wally's going to give himself up and it'll all be over.

Here. Here Wally wants a word with you.

I don't think that's a very nice thing to say about your future son-in-law.

OK, Mum.

Bye.

She's not happy.

When was a Muddle ever happy about a Mellish?

She says, if she was married to you, she'd put poison in your coffee.

If I was married to her, I'd drink it!

Take the thing off the hook, Love.

It's giving me a bloody headache.

Just going to ring Fay first.

She's probably wondering why she hasn't been made a bridesmaid.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

My name's Morrison, Mr Mellish, from The Herald.

I was wondering if I could um...

...I could in and talk to you.

And what is this? Central Station? You know we're getting ready for a wedding.

Once you're married, though, you'll be coming out, will you?

Listen, I told Norm we'd talk about it.

Well, how would you like to see it resolved?

What would you like to see happen?

Everyone should clear off and leave us alone.

A, a quiet honeymoon. That's what you're calling for?

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah well...

...well not too quiet if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I'm going now.

Um...
Anyway, I'm going now.

Um...

...Mr Mellish, before you go, I was wondering if I could...

...if I could talk to Beryl?

No, she's getting dressed.

Excellent.

I mean, um...

...in fact, you might be able to help me.

I was, I was wondering what she'll be wearing.

I don't know. Some...

...some red thing, I think.

And a, and shoes?

Of course she'll be wearing shoes, you moron.

I meant the .... I meant the colour, but anyway.

Um...

...and underneath?

Underneath? What do you mean?

Her uh...

...her underwear...

...Mr Mellish. What uh...

...what sort of underwear?

Jesus! I don't have to listen to this.

Who was that?

Can you believe it? A heavy breather.

He wanted to know what sort of panties you were wearin'.

Tricky bastard, though.

Almost convinced me he was a reporter from The Herald.

I've solved it!

Cottontails!

That's what Beryl's wearing under her dress.

Bonds Cottontails.

Rabbit trapper's son...

...marries his Cottontails girl.

The new Black & Decker Powerange

A powerful partner for any man.

And now the latest from the hostage drama in Glenfield.

Wally, it's us again.
The gunman, Wally Mellish still refused...

...to either surrender or give up his hostages.

It's Fay.
Friends of Mellish gathered in front of the house...

She's with that bastard, Frank Saunders.
...in Glenfield Road.

What's she doing with him?

Hang on, Love. Shush.

Meanwhile, the police commissioner refused to offer...

...any sort of deal.

...deal with him?
...any sort of deal.

We don't do deals.

As Don says...

...we're here to uphold the law, without fear or favour.

Say he is convicted. What's the sentence?

Well, Don knows more about prosecution than I do.

I say twenty years.

Twenty years?

Maybe more.

Don't worry, Love.

Nobody here's going to gaol for twenty years.

What are you gonna do?

First off, we're going to get married.

You still want to get married, don't ya?

Well yeah.

Then...

...we're gonna find a way out of this.

But how, Wally?

We can't stay in here forever and you heard 'em.

They don't make deals.

No, people say...

...they won't do a lot of things, but...

...hey...

...that can of soup made 'em shit 'emselves.

A...

...and you didn't think we could get married either, did ya?

And did you think...

...that we could keep the riot squad...

...sitting on their arses?

Or that this was going to be the best summer...

...of our entire lives? Did you think that? No.

No, you just leave it to Wally.

I'll think of somethin'.

What?

No hand grenades?

I'll get 'em if you want.

You alright, Wally?

Yeah, fine thanks, Norm.

Just nerves, I guess.

You ready, Beryl?

Nearly.

I wanna make it clear that...

...marriage is something special.

Holy.

I will not participate in anything that could make a mockery of it.

Are you aware ... Beryl ... of what I'm saying?

Is this part of the ceremony?

No. Just uh...

...taking into account the unusual nature of the circumstances.

Let's get on with it.

Beryl.

Yes yes, I want to, I do.

Uh no, that uh...

...that comes later.

Very well then.

Dearly bel-

The hat.

Dearly beloved ... we are gathered together-

Hold on a minute.

Dearly beloved.

We are gathered together here, in the sight of God...

...and in the face of this congregation...

...to join together this man and this woman...

...in holy matrimony.

Gordon, can I have a word with you?

What?

Have you seen Darren?

No.

Not like him to miss the cricket.

I think he's gone off with that little slut.

Who?

Helen Jakovitch.

Really?

...to have and to hold ... from this day forward...

...for better or worse...

...for richer, for poorer...

...in sickness ... and in health...

...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...

...to love and to cherish...

...so long as we both shall live.

...to love and to cherish so long as we both may live.

Shall live.

This is my solemn vow.

This is my solemn vow.

May I have the ring?

I haven't got a ring.

Oh, we brought a selection.

This one's good.

Sit!

Sorry, Beryl, would you mind?

I'll get it.

You just stay right there, Norm.

Pretty, isn't she?

With this ring...

...I thee wed.

With this ring, I thee wed.

With my body, I thee worship...

...and with all my worldly goods...

...I thee endow...

With my body, I thee worship...

...and with all my worldly goods, I thee endow...

...in the name of the father and of the son...

...and of the holy ghost...

...I now pronounce you man ... and wife.

Yeah thanks, Reverend. You did a real nice job.

There's just a couple of forms you need to fill out, Wally.

I'd rather not start signing things...

...just yet, thanks.

It's just paperwork for-

Of course.

Beryl can do that.

Thanks, Reverend.

Yeah, that's OK, Wally.

Is that it then?

Yeah.

Right.

I've told the press there wont' be any interviews.

You'll come out. We go straight to a car we've got waiting...

...and we'll take care of everything.

I bet you will...

...but I'm not coming out.

Wally, you said-

I said we'd talk about it.

Seems like we've got a lot to talk about.

I saw the TV.

Twenty years in gaol. That's a lot, isn't it?

Go on, get out.

Go on, get!

Get!

You little turd!

Don't, Wally!

That's Norm. Alright, stand down. Stand down.

I thought it was a shithouse wedding, Wally.

Nobody kissed me or anything.

Geez, Love, I couldn't. Those cops, you can't trust them.

I mean I never thought I'd get married and just be left...

...standing at the altar like something gone stale.

What are you going to do now?

Oh, God.

I'm going to kiss the bride.

No, I mean about them.

They can kiss my arse.

Have you done it...

...this way...

...before, Darren?

Geez.

Helen...

...I haven't done it...

...any way before.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Mum!

Oh!

Well all I can say is...

Thank you, Wally Mellish.

Thank you very very much.

[moans]

Mr Allan is unavailable for comment at the moment.

Is it true that he collapsed when he came back here?

All I can tell you is, that we believe Mellish will give himself up within the next half hour.

And while we're waiting for that...

...no further action will be taken.

What if he doesn't?

If my grandmother had had balls, she would have been a coal miner.

I'm not interested in "ifs" or "maybes".

Alright, that's all for now.

He's not coming out...

...until there's a public announcement that there won't be any charges.

Shit!

A public announcement!

Oh God Almighty!

Alright.

[phone ringing]
We'll go along with him.

Hello.
And once he comes out.

I can't lie like that, Don.

Not in public, anyway.

Excuse me. It's the premier, Sir.

Norm, how are you?

Look, I think it's a nice touch of yours, negotiating a settlement.

Looks good to the public. You know?

I mean, we're all saying that.

He wants the charges dropped completely.

He wants what?

Why doesn't he just ask you to suck his dick on the town hall steps?

Hey.

Hey.

Quite frankly, I wouldn't muck around much longer there, Norm.

We'll begin to look like idiots.

He says to stop mucking about.

He wants us to get him out of there.

...actually, if you finish up with, uh...

...ten pounds...

...then you'll be going for a thousand pounds.

If you finish up with only five pounds-
...then you'll be going for a thousand pounds.

If you finish up with only five pounds-

They've turned the power off.

Beryl.

What are you doin'!?

Beryl!

Let go of me.

You tell them...

...to get the power back on.

I've got a young child in here.

D'you hear me?

I've had gut full, Mr Allan.

Being treated like a criminal and we haven't done anything wrong.

And you're punishing a little child.

My child!

Do you ... hear me?

Yes, Beryl.

We hear you.

We're on your side, Love.

You tell 'em, Beryl!

Is that alright?

Yep. Yep.

Yeah!

It's like a bloody picnic for them.

Or the football.

I'll give 'em a bloody picnic.

Don't!

Get down! Get down!

Down!

No!

Down!

Wally!

Beryl, get down!

Hold your fire!

Hold your fire!

What the hell is going on?

Jesus.

He started firing.

I heard Beryl scream. Did someone hit her?

I don't know.

Beryl...

...you allright?

Mellish...

...we've got an ambulance here. Do we need it for Beryl?

Just leave us alone, will ya?

At a girl, Beryl!

Good on ya, Beryl.

I've got your face here, Ferguson.

Deadshit!

Go home and bash your own wife up!

And you can shut that lot up for a start.

But how?

Arrest them if you have to.

Disorderly conduct.

Go home!

Good on you.

Lid off it?

There you go.

Hot enough for you?

Yeah.

[crying]

I know.

He wants something cold. Wall'.

Is there no ice blocks in the freezer?

No, everything's melted.

Hey, it's over a hundered in here.

We need a cold drink.

It's not for us, it's for Leslie.

No, I'm sorry, Wally. You want a drink, you'll have to come out.

I told you. It's not for me, it's for the kid.

Sorry mate. No luck.

Ah, for Christ's sake, give the kid a drink.

He's only two. What's he done?

Haven't you got kids?

Give him a drink, why don't ya?

Give him a drink.

What's wrong with ya?

It's a heatwave, Dickhead.

Look, if you could...

...if, if you could-

Give him a drink, you moron.

Give him a drink.

Look- Oi! Oi!

Gimme that.

Gime that bloody think, will ya.

You were warned last night. Now shut up!

Shut up, yourself!

Hand me the Coke.

Here, Wally.

Have a cold one!

Call the pope, Love. It's a miracle.

It's raining Coca-Cola!

Hey mate, not yet mate. No.

We'll get you one.

We gotta be smarter than that.

What's in the plastic bag?

Go on, Boy. Go on.

Nipper.

Go Nipper!

Go there, Nipper.

You bloody mongrels!

You mongrels!

You bloody mongrels!

[crying]
It's OK, Sweetheart.

No Mummy's here. Mummy, Mummy wants a cuddle.

Come on, Darling.

Come on, Darling. It's alright.

Nipper's gonna be alright, Darling.

It's alright, Sweetheart.

Come on.

Come on. Everything will be alright.

We can't go outside.

We can't go outside.

Beryl, get him out!

Get him out of here!

Stop firing!

Stop ... firing!

Stop firing!

You. Come here.

Get in there. Get in!

The dog, it's still alive. Get him.

What?

The dog!

Take your stretcher and get him.

We're ambulance officers, not vets.

Now you listen to me.

I am going to give you a police escort...

...and you are going to get that dog to a vet within five minutes.

Do you understand me?

Yes, Sir.

Come on.

Shooting people's one thing, but a dog, Jesus.

Allan's fucked.

I bet he knows it too.

Good boy.

He'll be alright, Wally. You watch.

I saw his eyes, Beryl.

He's had it.

Best friend a fella ever had.

I hate this, Wally.

I hate it.

You just want to get out, don't you?

I want us all to get out.

This...

...is no way to live.

Yeah, but...

...yeah, but at least-

What?

Well at least we're together. The three of us.

This isn't being together, Wally.

Not really together.

Well, what do you want?

I'll walk out there now. Is that it?

They can shoot me down like a dog too.

Don't be stupid!
They can shoot me down like a dog too.

They will shoot you.

I don't want you to die, Wally.

I like you. You know that.

But I...

...can't go on like this.

Nobody could.

You're right.

Tell Allan I want to see him.

Alone.

I'm sorry about the dog.

Yeah, well pretty soon we might all be sorry about it.

Any chance of a cup of tea for Mr Allan?

Of course, we have to break up our furniture...

...and burn it in the fireplace so that we can boil the kettle.

Have you got some nice furniture, Mr Allan?

Do you go home at night and stick it in the fire, do you?

Shouldn't have come to this, Wally.

No ... but it has.

You know, Mr Allan, you don't strike me as a typical cop.

Why's that?

You're smarter in some ways...

...and in other ways a lot more stupid.

And so far, you've been fair with me and that's not typical either.

So...

...if I put this gun...

...inside your mouth like this...

...it's only fair...

...that I shove this one...

...inside my own mouth.

Come on, open up. I don't want to have to break your teeth.

Now...

...both guns are ready to fire.

But, don't worry. I'm a fair man too. I'll pull both triggers at once if I have to.

Oh and you needn't worry about what the fellas out there all think.

You can crap your pants if you want to. I'll understand.

Wally, what are you doing?

I'm just having a chat with Mr Allan.

Do you have to carry on like Buffalo Bill to do it?

Can't you just discuss things man to man?

Ooh, this is man to man.

Milk and sugar, Mr Allan?

Well, milk and sugar, Mr Allan?

Ah ... milk?

Sugar?

Sugar?

Nup, Milk?

Uh ... no milk and sugar for Mr Allan.

[phone ringing]

Yes?

It's Don Ferguson here. I want to speak to Mr Allan.

It's Ferguson. He wants to speak to Mr Allan.

Tell him Mr Allan's a hostage now...

...and he'll be released when, uh...

...when either I get the public announcement or, um...

...when I get a better sort of gun, like a...

...like an M16. Hey, I bet they're good.

An M16 like the army's using in Vietnam. Ferguson will know.

He wants an M16.

Who does?

Wally does. That's to release Mr Allan...

...and apart from that, he wants a public announcement...

...there'll be no charges.

Listen, I want to speak to Mr Allan.

He wants to speak to Mr Allan.

Bring us the phone, Beryl.

Don.

Norm?

Give him the weapon, Don.

Why are you talking like that?

Give him the weapon!

Are you serious?

Call his fucking bluff, Norm.

You call his fucking bluff...

...you got a rifle stuck in your mouth.

Now give it to him. Do you hear me?

Give it to him!

Now we're gettin' somewhere.

Let's have that cup of tea, shall we?

The M16's a very dangerous weapon, Ferguson.

Why are you giving it to Wally?

What's the army doing here, Ferguson?

OK, just put it down.

Alright.

Now slide it forward.

That's enough.

Now piss off.

What about Norm?

We kept our side of the bargain.

It's alright, Don. Just do as he says.

You heard 'im.

Sorry, Wally. I had no idea-

It's alright, Norm. I'm not going to hurt you.

They shouldn'ta done that.

Now...

...now if they want you back...

...they're going to have to give me a helicopter!

A what?

A helicopter, you know? Whoo whoo whoo.

I know what it is.

What are you going to do with it?

I don't know, but I gotta ask for something, haven't I?

This is getting ridiculous, Don.

I honestly don't know what's happened to Norm.

A helicopter?

Can you imagine what sort of shamozzle that'd be?

We'd look like complete and utter dickheads.

No, it's out. Right out.

Well, what about the public statement there'll be no charges?

That's one way of bringing the whole thing to an end.

I can't offer that.

With Norm in there, it'll look like it's coming from me.

This government's invested a lot in being tough on criminals.

No, Don. You tell him...

...we'll consider the helicopter request when he lets Norm out.

I don't think he'll fall for that.

For Christ's sake, then Don.

You tell him, with Norm as a house guest, you're in charge.

Get it over with, Don.

Yes, I understand.

Thanks, Don.

Well, you heard him. He's in charge now.

He's a very different sort of cop than me, Wally.

And the longer I'm in here...

...the more likely he is to start shooting.

I'm not worried for myself. I'm here doing my duty...

...and I'm going to be a hero, dead or alive.

But what about you and Beryl?

Especially little Leslie.

You got your whole lives ahead of you.

OK.

So, you don't think there's any chance of the helicopter?

No.

It's only the way things look that really worry people, Wall'.

Now think how that'd look.

But if you let me go, Wall'...

...I'll try for the public announcement.

I give you my word.

Now at the very least...

...I'll make sure they don't come in here...

...with teargas and start shooting.

And, you know something, Norm...

...I think I trust ya.

It's almost dark.

If you hurry, you'll be home for dinner.

Norm.

What happened?

Nothing yet.

He calmed down, that's all.

I guess he was frustrated. He was angry about the dog.

Can't say I blame him. How is the dog anyway?

They got the bullet out or something. I don't know.

Well find out will you.

Look, Don.

How'd it come to this?

Maybe I'm to blame.

It's become a circus.

Bloody great circus.

Yeah.

Well.

What are we going to do about the clown?

One thing we're not going to do...

...is we're not going to storm the place. I'll tell you that right now.

It's almost been five days and I don't care anymore.

About any of it.

I mean, so what?

Why shouldn't someone...

...lock 'emselves up in their own house...

...and not come out if that's what they want?

Free country. Supposed to be anyway.

I've been so worried about what my mum would think.

I have never worried about her opinion before.

Even had the baby with...

...when she didn't want me to and that's the best think I ever did.

And all of a sudden it was what people would think that was bothering me.

It's just like Norm said.

It's all that matters to people.

I'm gonna tell 'em all I had a really nice time.

I'm gonna hold my own press conference...

...and I'm gonna say all we did was screw like rabbits.

I'll say we drank Champagne...

...and smoked pot we got from the cops.

You can say it was so much fun...

...that any young couple planning a honeymoon...

...should get the police force to arrange it.

I'll give 'em four stars.

What are you gonna say, Love?

Just what I said.

No.

Why not?

Because, at first, it was us that looked stupid.

Well, me at least.

Then, bit by bit, it's become them.

And you know...

...nothing makes anyone angrier than looking stupid.

I can't read or write, so I know about that.

When you rub someone's nose in their own stupidity...

...they get violent. They want revenge.

I know about that too.

Don't force them into it, Beryl.

Price is too high.

What do you think's gonna happen?

Well I got us into this, so fair's fair.

There's no reason why you should suffer.

You just tell 'em it was all against your will.

I was like a madman who made you go along with it.

Do you think we're gonna make it?

Us, I mean. Together.

I don't know. Most people don't, do they?

No.

There's just one thing you've never told me.

What?

That you love me.

No...

...I don't suppose I have.

Hey, anyway...

...it's been a hell of a summer.

It sure has.

Summer of '68.

I'll bet we'll never forget it.

Open up the door, Wally.

Oh yeah, sure.

We've got a present for you, Mate.

Yeah, I'll bet you have.

It's in a little lead package and comes with a big bang.

Stop jerking around, Wally. Just ... open the door.

Oh God, Wally. Open it.

Are you serious, Beryl?

Yeah, just do it, please.

Come open the door.

[crowd cheering]

Ah, Mate!

Ah, excuse me, Sir.

Over here. Over here.

There's a phone call. It's the premier's office.

They're over here. Come on.

Our boys are tired and fed up.

They're missing their loved ones.

And, on top of that, the press has made a mockery out of it.

No wonder there's talk about a strike.

There'll be no police strike. Not while I'm premier of this state.

OK. Let's move in on him.

What happens if someone gets killed? What do we do...

...put out a press release?

There's no reason for anyone to get killed.

No, Don. For better or for worse, we lost that initiative a long time ago.

I always say: if you can't make 'em squeal, make a deal.

We need a trade-off.

You know the worst thing about all this?

The anti-war demonstrators.

Those bloody louts have adopted Mellish as some sort of folk hero.

Whereas Mellish, of course, wouldn't know Ho Chi Minh from a horse's arse.

I've got just the thing.

It means everyone can let bygones be bygones.

It's bloody brilliant.

Mummy, television.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Wally...

...I've got a proposal to put to you...

...that I think will work.

I'd like to come over and talk about it.

OK.

Fifteen minutes?

Alright, ah, yeah but, Norm...

...just leave the power on, will you? The telly's just come on.

There'll be hell to pay if it goes off again.

We'll leave it on, Wally.

Do you want a cup of tea, Mr Allan?

No. Not today, thanks Beryl.

So, what's the proposal?

We're going to make the public announcement.

There won't be any charges?

No charges will be made against you.

Yeah, what's the catch?

There is one condition.

Oh, yeah.

We want you to say you want to go to Vietnam...

...to make up for the trouble you've caused.

What, join the army, you mean?

That's right.

What's so bad about that? Could be worse, couldn't it?

Exactly.

And you do like guns. They'll even give you your own M16

Who knows, you might even get that helicopter you wanted.

And you'll give your word, publicly, there won't be any charges?

I'll give my word.

Not under any circumstances?

Under no circumstances.

I just don't get it.

Politics and the appearances of things, Wally.

This way you look like you've won...

...and we look like we've won too.

Even Mad Dog Mellish endorsing the Vietnam war...

...has some value these days.

Yeah.

Sure.

Well, I'm going to announce that you've accepted the offer.

You've agreed to come out at 1:30 this afternoon.

We'll go straight from here to the army induction centre.

Oh and Wally...

...if you don't come out now, I can tell you on a stack of bibles...

...this is right out of my hands.

They'll be in tonight to get you...

...and no more mucking around.

Oh and Wall'...

...when you come out, make sure you carry the child.

Just in case.

Some of those men out there wouldn't mind being a hero.

They won't shoot a child.

Thanks, Norm.

Thanks for everythin'.

I was just doing my job.

No you weren't.

What do they say?

Above and beyond the call of duty.

1:30 on the dot.

Wally, watch out.

They won't shoot me now, Beryl.

Maybe in Vietnam.

Not now.

Minutes to go, folks. This is the end of an era.

Good boy, Leslie.

Do the button up.

Poke it through.

Where do you think you're going, Son?

Piss off.

You ready?

Good onya, Son.

Way to go.

We love you, Wally.

[crowd cheering louder]

Don.

Take it easy.

Well, you're certainly fit enough, Mr Mellish.

All that's left is the paperwork.

Read it carefully...

...fill in the boxes...

...and sign it...

...there.

What's the problem?

I can't fill the forms in, Colonel.

They're not that hard.

Oh they are, Sir. You see...

...I can't read and write.

Bullshit! He's bullshittin' us.

No, he's not.

That's why Beryl had to sign the marriage documents.

Oh ... Jesus!

The Australian army has standards, Commissioner.

They might not be that high, but they certainly include reading and writing.

There's no way we're taking anybody...

...without the minimum educational requirements.

No way at all.

Arrest him.

Who?

Mellish, of course.

What for? We gave our word publicly, Don.

We said there would be no charges...

...under any circumstances.

And we were not just speaking for ourselves.

We were speaking on behalf of the government.

It's not Wally's fault ... that the army doesn't want him.

That's right, Norm.

Well, I guess I can go then.

Might as well.

Hey thanks, Colonel.

Oh Reverend, I um...

...I left home without any money, uh...

...couldn't lend us a dollar for the bus fare, like?

Oh...

...I'm sorry, Wally.

I didn't bring my wallet with me.

Don?

I though you were in the army.

Well, it didn't work out.

You see...

...if I was educated, I'd be on my way to Vietnam.

But, being stupid...

...I get to spend my summers here in Sydney.

And I tell ya...

...it's a strange bloody country, Beryl.