Original subtitles

HELP, I'M A BOY

Where are they?

We must make haste.

Master Foureyes, what's keeping you?

I'm right here.

Princess. We mustn't stop.

If the Dark Lord catches you, your kingdom is doomed.

Do you hear that?

This way.

Master. Can you tell which way they went?

You are right, knight Marek.

We must reach Calestra...

as quickly as possible.

- We shall cross the lake. - Oh no. Do we have to?

The water must be freezing cold.

- Down with Princess Emma. - They're coming. Hurry.

Power to the Dark Lord.

- There, they're crossing the lake. - Hurry. Follow them.

Oh no.

You're history now, Fishface.

We'll see about that.

Shit.

Meet your maker.

O great Goddess of Sorcery...

Fatso is up to something.

O Mechthild, let your magic power flow through me...

Looks like your magic power pooped out.

Hello?

Emma, where are you?

In the woods, playing Dark Ages...

You coach called, he's hysterical. Why aren't you there?

You've got that extra practice today.

Oh no.

Be right there, Mommy.

Oh, and Emma,

afterwards could you pick Lenny up from preschool?

I have the feeling I'll be working late.

Yes, no problem.

Emma, you're a sweetheart. Big kiss.

Alright, gentlemen.

This jogging shoe is as comfortable...

as a hiking boot that's 3 sizes too small.

Sometimes I wonder...

what you development department does all day.

Here, next week I want a new model.

And I hope this time I can...

as least run to the corner bakery in them.

What's that mean "be right there"?

It means I've got to go to swim practice.

Emma, can't you just skip it for once? It was really fun just now.

No, I can't. The championships are this Sunday.

And how do you suggest we continue without a princess?

Beats me. Get someone else to play the princess.

Oh great idea. You mean like me, want me to be the princess?

For example.

Typical. Our Miss Straight-A student doesn't have any time again.

Cool it, Mickey!

You're just envious because you're a total loser.

Besides, you didn't have a chance against us.

That's what you think, Froglegs.

Idiot.

Leave her alone, Mickey. Let's just play without a princess.

Forget it. You know what, Foureyes?

It was a dumb idea to play this baby game anyway.

Let's get out of here.

Go on, we don't need you.

C'mon, we'll play without them.

No, it's no fun alone. Come on, let's go.

I used to think boys were total morons.

Either they're bigmouths like Mickey or like Foureyes,

sweet but totally crazy dreamer types.

How was I to know that only 100 meters away...

there stood - how should I put it - an incredible man who was...

about to completely change all our lives?

Helena.

I still haven't found him.

Helena.

Be quiet up there.

Emma, where have you been?

I've been waiting a half an hour for...

What happened to you?

I went for a swim...

For a swim?

Emma.

I meticulously worked out your training program.

Each individual workout is designed to complement the others.

Your time, and my time as well, is much too precious to waste...

with such child's play, do you hear me?

I'm sorry...

Alright, go on, get changed.

You're not jumping in the pool with those things.

Go on - get a move on.

Ah, Mrs. Lazybones.

Come here, girl.

But don't wander off too far, hm?

Now pull, Emma.

Pull. Go, go, go...

Not bad.

But not good either.

Heart rate.

That's strange.

You're a little higher today.

What did you have for dinner last night?

Well, Emma? Poor results again?

- Ready to give up? - I'd like to see you swim my time.

I already can.

And this year I'm beating you in the championships.

Oh, man, what a pain.

Hey, come on.

Don't pay any attention to her.

We concentrate on ourselves, right?

Then she won't be a threat to you.

OK, next length, let's go.

Mrs. Lazybones?

Mrs. Lazybones?

Where are you, Mrs. Lazybones?

Damn it.

Piece of shit.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Mickey.

The car shot to hell again?

Yeah, it's probably the freakin' head gasket.

I'm pretty sure of it.

So that's why you've got the oil line capped?

I'm changing the oil while I'm at it.

...At Hardware Scholz.

- Hi, Mom. - Hi, Mickey.

...at Hardware...

We help you do it yourself.

- We help you do it yourself... - At Hardware Scholz.

That's it.

Got the car fixed?

Not yet.

Great.

How can we pay the rent with your taxi always parked in the yard?

Don't ask me.

Then think about it for a change.

Mom, Dad,

I'd like to show you something...

I sit in that damn taxi every single night.

You think I enjoy spending my spare time fiddling with the engine?

- I haven't seen my studio in ages. - Sell a painting.

And forget the taxi...

You know the art market isn't doing well at the moment.

You've been saying that for 10 years.

Why don't you earn some money with your singing?

Idiots...

Stupid Mickey Spacken.

What the hell...

Wow, this totally rocks...

Can you patch my tire?

Yes, but first I'm making us dinner.

We're going to the open-air cinema, wanna come?

I don't have time.

First Emma has to fix my tire and afterwards we can go to the movies.

No, no, you're still too little.

She's never got time.

But she's starting to get webbed fingers.

Mrs. Lazybones. How many times have I told you...

to be more careful? You know, something could have happened.

Say, didn't I leave my coat lying here?

Oh, Holy Merlin.

Lenny, your jacket.

Can we have pancakes tonight?

Again?

Please, please, please.

Alright.

But this time no chocolate custard.

Or mom will gripe about us eating so much sugar.

Oh man, bummer.

You just don't go and lose the book. What if it falls into the wrong hands.

Why without the book I'll never find a successor.

Come on, Mrs. Lazybones.

Mrs. Lazybones, I have to tend to the book.

Ancient runic writing.

Magia lunaris gulgalaben -

Book, show thyself again.

It's no use without the book.

What was that again?

What did you say we needed?

Tincture of verbena?

Or bronze powder?

Or was it iron oxide?

Damn it.

For your classic magia lunaris take 3 ounces of,

ugh, crow's feet.

When performing body magic,

the presence of an experienced sorcerer is recommended.

Awesome.

Maybe we can at least find out where it is.

Magia...

lunaris...

gulgalook -

Tell me where to find my book.

The Altona quarter.

I'm counting on your keen nose.

Hopp was totally out of it again today.

But if I win my race on Sunday,

I'll be at the top of the rankings and qualify for the Regionals.

And then won't Mom be proud of me.

Hey, my big girl, is Lenny asleep already?

Sound asleep. He ate three whole pancakes.

Without sugar, Mom.

Who could that be?

Mr. Hopp? What a surprise.

Come in. Emma is still awake.

No, don't trouble yourself.

I just wanted to drop off Emma's watch.

She left it in the locker room.

Thank you. Come on in.

That was the German championships, 1988.

Unfortunately, I only came in 2nd.

Why Mrs. Uhland, what do you mean by "only"?

Second place - that's fantastic. A job well done.

If it hadn't been for your left knee...

you would have made it to the Olympics.

Kind of you to say so...

Oh, but I'm not just being kind, I mean what I say.

And your daughter has your athletic talent,

she can become the next Franzi if she keeps practicing.

Yes. Emma really is quite incredible.

Yes.

And...

If she wins on Sunday, then...

Then I've got a wonderful surprise for us... I mean, for Emma.

Really?

Yes.

But I'm not telling.

Or it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, eh?

Well then, I'll be going...

You are coming on Sunday, aren't you?

Of course. That goes without saying.

Fantastic.

Mrs. Uhland?

I've been meaning to say this... I mean,

we've known each other so long now, and uh, I thought...

I've been thinking, and...

I wanted to suggest we call each other by our first names.

Sure. Why not? I'm Paula.

Hendrik.

Well then, good evening, Hendrik.

Yes, good night, Paula.

Look, Hopp brought you your watch.

I can't remember having forgotten it.

It probably fell out of your bag.

Time to go to sleep.

Good night.

The book was here, Mrs. Lazybones?

What?

It's not here anymore.

Alright. Then we'll move on. Pick up the trail again, Mrs. Lazybones.

Body magic... Magia lunaris...

- Morning, Foureyes. - Oh, hi Emma.

- What are you reading? - Oh nothing.

Hey there, double time, let's go.

Shoot. It's so late already.

I wanted to look something up before the math test.

What math test?

This period. Geometry.

I thought the test was next week.

- No, today. - Oh, shit.

Don't tell me you didn't study again.

Well, Mickey? Did you forget to study?

Geometry is one of the pillars of mathematics.

And without mathematics there would be no computers.

And without computers there would be no...

PlayStations and GameBoys.

And if one doesn't understand geometry,

one won't understand mathematics.

And if one doesn't understand mathematics,

one won't understand the future. Simple as that, ladies and gentlemen.

Caught you.

No cheat sheets in my class, Mickey.

You ought to know that.

But that...

That isn't mine.

It's Emma's.

You know what?

Some students don't need this kind of thing.

And other students...

are going to flunk if they're not careful.

Sometimes I wish I really knew how to do magic.

Then I'd change Miss Kahl into an ugly little toad.

Oh how evil.

That would be awesome.

Or better yet: into a really rotten, nasty-looking student.

I'd say, "Magia lunaris bean4cow - You are another now."

And - POW - there she'd be with the whole class laughing at her.

That would be so great.

Magia lunaris what?

"Magia lunaris bean4cow - You are another now."

It's just a transformation spell. Do you like it?

Well, it sounds kinda complicated.

Of course. If not, any old lamebrain could think it up.

You're going to pay for that one, Fishface, I promise you.

It's not my fault if you get caught cheating.

Besides, you stole my note.

Who asked you, you wanna-be wizard?

You lucked out again.

I look forward to our next encounter.

Well, having problems?

Mind your own business.

Just making sure nothing happens to my little rival.

It would be a shame not to have any competition on Sunday.

Phony beast. Let's go.

Today was a really rotten day.

I swear Mickey is such a mega creep.

Why can't he just leave me alone?

That would be kind of cool...

if Foureyes' transformation spell really worked.

It would be excellent to be someone else for a while.

Magia lunaris bean4cow -

how did that go again?

Oh yeah,

Magia lunaris bean4cow - You are another now.

Stupid Mickey.

Without the book we're lost.

Any trace yet, Mrs. Lazybones?

Yes alright, I'll be quiet.

No, no, Mrs. Lazybones.

Are you sure?

The book is in the hands of kids. That's bad news.

Very bad news.

No.

Oh, man.

That was one freaky dream. Wicked, man.

Wow, what a weird dream.

Morning, Lenny.

Morning.

Oh God, oh God.

This is all just a dream. It has to be.

I look like...

Mickey.

Dad.

Wake up.

Dad. Something terrible just happened.

What time is it?

A little past 7:30.

I didn't get to bed until 4...

Sorry, Mom.

Did someone die?

Well... Not exactly.

Then we can talk about it later, OK?

Didn't his voice sound strange just now?

Oh man, I can't believe this is happening.

Who parked their bike in my doorway?

Hey, Foureyes!

Man did you scare me, Mickey.

What are you doing here?

I'm not Mickey. It's me, Emma.

Very funny. Give someone else a hard time.

No wait.

I know it sounds really crazy, but...

I'm Emma.

And I'm stuck inside Mickey's body.

And I think it's all because of that dumb spell of yours.

That Magia lunaris whatever.

You know that magic spell?

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

You mentioned it to me yesterday.

And I said it last night. And presto I wake up as Mickey.

What?

Just look at me, see how I look.

Mickey would never wear my things of his own free will.

True. It looks pretty ridiculous.

- Well? Do you believe me now? - No.

OK, what about your dream.

With the woman. And that weird rowboat at the lake?

How do you know about that?

Take a guess.

It took you long enough.

Amazing.

You look exactly like Mickey.

Yeah, I know.

You've got to help me.

There must be some way to reverse the spell.

I think first we should go visit Mickey.

Why Mickey?

Maybe he's got the same problem.

Man, take a look at this place.

I don't believe it.

Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on here?

Alright, let me get this straight.

You didn't make up this magia lunaris bean4cow spell?

I got it out of this old book I found.

I know it was wrong to use it to show off with,

but I thought...

Who would have guessed it had real magic spells in it?

Real magic spells. That's the biggest bull I've ever heard.

What was that?

I think all we have to do is...

repeat the spell again. And that will change you back.

Sounds logical.

I think we should try it now.

I'll agree with you there.

You said the spell and afterwards you said Mickey's name?

Yes, I said "stupid Mickey."

Good, are you ready? I suggest you both lie down on the bed.

- Oh no, do we have to. - It'd be better.

Great Goddess of Sorcery, O Mechthild...

Foureyes, cut the crap and get to the point, man.

Magia lunaris bean4cow - You are another now.

You are Emma again. And you are Mickey.

Well, did anything happen?

Nothing.

- Of course. - What?

Just a sec.

Magia lunaris bean4cow - You are another now.

You are Emma.

And you are Mickey.

Magia lunaris - You are another now. You're Emma. C'mon.

Emma, Mickey, Emma.

Damn it.

Oh, wait a second.

It says something here about changing back.

I have to translate it first.

- It might take a while. - I'll kill you.

What's going on here?

We were just doing a little...

- Doing a little... - Math homework.

While lounging in bed? Do you know what time it is?

You'll be late for class, I'll drive you.

No, Dad... Uh, I mean, sir, that won't be necessary,

we don't have class today.

Oh, that's a new one.

That's what my son says when he wants to stay home.

And change your clothes, yeah? You look ridiculous.

Stupid piece of shit, can you believe this?

Man o man, I hate it when this happens.

- Have fun, study hard. - Yeah.

Oh by the way, what was so important this morning?

This morning?

Oh nothing. Nothing.

I bet it's those head gaskets again.

Good morning. Class starts in 5 minutes.

Why's Miss Kahl out there with that stupid bell?

Didn't you hear?

Total power failure last night.

What's the plan?

Just act cool and try not to attract attention...

until I get this translated.

Oh man, how messed-up.

You got a better idea?

No. Since when am I expert in this shit?

Like I wake up as a girl every day.

It's not as if you were the only one with a problem...

It's bad enough getting stuck with your fat, sweaty, just plain...

gross body instead of mine... But what's even worse is...

if we don't get things under control soon,

you're going to have to swim my race for me.

Then I can kiss my swimming career good-bye.

There's no way I'm swimming your race.

I don't want to be in the Olympics like you do.

What's wrong with that?

Everything.

All you do is practice, practice, practice.

Hello there, young man.

That means you too.

Well done, Mrs. Lazybones, well done.

Alright then, let's go.

Hi, Attila.

Huh? Froglegs. What do you want?

Hey, Attila, it's me Mickey.

I know it doesn't look like it...

Hi, Mickey. Wicked. Our goldfish is wacked-out today.

Oh man, what an idiot.

Hey Emma. You got water on the brain or something?

- Man, Attila... - What?

Let her sit with us.

Huh? Are you crazy?

Hey, Fishface. Take a hike. That's my seat.

That's a 4...

And the roman numeral for 5.

Class, please.

Time to get down to business.

Hey Mickey, wicked duds.

Alright, Mrs. Lazybones.

You have a look upstairs, OK?

And I'll look around downstairs.

So that's why we're going to repeat last week's experiment...

...then nothing can go wrong.

Sorry.

Wrong door.

New outfit, Emma?

What's it to you?

Excellent work as usual, Emma.

No big surprise, Mickey.

Same thing goes for Attila.

Foureyes, just forget it.

There's no one like Mrs. Lazybones.

Ah Mr. Schneider. So hard to find a sub on short notice...

After the chaos last night I must buy bells for all the teachers.

Oh, and...

don't always let them have their way with you.

What gave you that idea?

Here, for the break.

While Miss Kahl tends to the electricity, we'll continue with our English, OK?

Let's all take out our books...

Page...

34.

The sorcerer has 54 hours time in which to...

reverse the spell.

After that, the enchanted beings...

shall remain for all eternity...

in the foreign bodies.

Oh no.

Are you positive, Mrs. Lazybones?

Our Emma is a little gaga today.

You little creep.

Just wait, bitch.

Stop it.

C'mon, Emma. Get him.

One is forced to impro...

Improvise.

Sorry about that, Mrs. Lazybones.

To reverse the spell you need...

Help.

Stop.

He's got the book.

Oh no.

Stop.

Stop.

Oh dear. An emergency.

Magia lunaris no-C-me -

Give me my cloak of invisibility.

He just disappeared into thin air.

Incredible.

Stop I said.

Where is everyone going?

You rang the bell.

I almost had it, almost had it all translated.

We're screwed.

But the worst part is...

Oh no.

What?

- I've got practice... - You've got practice?

I don't believe it.

- Mr. Hopp, hello. - Yes, hello?

Hello, who's there?

Man, what now?

You have to cancel. My voice...

Yes, good morning, Mr...

Mr. Hopp.

There's been a death in the family. So I can't come to practice at noon.

Is that cool?

Of course, Emma.

Emma, you don't sound good at all.

If there's anything I can do for you or your family,

just let me know, OK?

Bye.

Damn.

Is Emma sick?

What? No.

Yes... It's a private matter.

She's not coming to practice?

Don't get your hopes up, alright?

So, as I was saying...

Is that the best excuse you could come up with?

Why? It's a perfectly valid excuse.

As a boy I am dead anyway.

Will you two listen to me now?

Sorry, but I had to do that. We've got a small problem.

What else is new?

Let him finish talking.

I'm just gonna spit it out. The book says we've got 54 hours...

to reverse the spell,

or else you stay in the wrong bodies forever.

What?

Well, you switched bodies last night.

That means you, I mean of course, we have...

fifty-four...

minus eight...

Forty-six.

OK, so we've got 46 hours to iron things out.

We just have to find this sorcerer...

Sure. Simple as that...

Except the man looks dangerous...

and is definitely mad at us because you stole his book.

Maybe he has a good character. I'm sure, he'll help us.

Foureyes.

You asked for this.

If it weren't for Emma,

I wouldn't care if you got your stupid body back.

Man, Mickey, we've got to stick together.

What do we do now?

Foureyes, you got a good look at him, right?

Yeah.

And he had a really big nose...

Let me try.

And a piercing gaze...

Like this maybe?

Yes. That's him.

I didn't know you could draw so well.

Maybe I'm not the total loser you think I am.

That should be enough.

And now what?

You go home and pretend everything is perfectly normal.

Perfectly normal?

Terrific.

No chick stuff like crying and that kind of shit.

And you try behaving for a change. And be nice to Lenny.

Oh yeah,

and don't you dare go to swim practice tomorrow, got that?

Don't worry. I wouldn't be caught dead there.

Hi, Foureyes.

I heard Emma was sick or something. She wasn't at practice.

Emma sick...? I wouldn't call it that exactly...

Well then what's wrong?

I can't explain, it's too complicated.

Why are you looking for the man on those flyers?

It's just a game, y'know?

And that's why Emma cut swim practice today?

No.

I mean yes...

All I can say is when we find him, Emma will be as good as new.

And she'll be able to go to practice again.

I have to go now.

Hello, Dad.

Good thing you're here, my friend,

your teacher called, she was very upset.

You want to tell me why you ran away from school today?

It was an emergency.

Ah interesting, what kind of emergency?

Damn washing machine.

I told you we should call a plumber.

But Mr. Handyman Olaf doesn't need a plumber. HE can do it himself!

I am fixing it myself because we can't afford a plumber.

Oberweg 1.

This must be it.

Paddy, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to say...

I thought it was totally cool how you beat up Mickey today at school.

Maybe we could go to the movies or something.

I heard...

you women like flowers and that kind of stuff.

Get lost you idiot.

What a hot babe.

Man, is this place tidy.

There you are. You had me so worried.

Look at you. Is something wrong?

Why, I...

What's this story about a man in your classroom?

Miss Kahl called, she was hysterical.

It's all a... misunderstanding.

Why didn't you return to class afterwards?

Class was almost over, it wasn't worth it.

I'd better go to my room, do my homework.

Mop's in the mop closet... Good to know.

Everything OK?

Oh yeah. Jammin'. No problem.

Sometimes I wish I was someone else

I'd like to know what it would be like

forgetting what you have to manage everyday...

With no control - on the loose

If you dared to do things without

considering, double-check, doubt yourself and listen to

what is right or so important

I would not care...

I am you and you are me

wouldn't that be

super-good and just brilliant

I am you are you are me

for one day

wouldn't that be

super-good and just brilliant

Can you turn off this awful noise? I can't even hear myself think.

It's not all it's cracked up to be, taking a piss standing up.

There I was in Mickey's pudgy body...

with not a sign of help anywhere in sight.

It was like a nightmare.

On the other hand,

when did I last have so much fun...

or enjoy so much freedom as at Mickey's house.

And then I discovered something that caught me totally off-guard.

What's wrong? What happened?

I know. It's really none of my business, but...

I can't get Emma's phone call out of my head.

Phone call?

Yes, about the death in the family.

I just wanted to say that I...

understand completely.

And that I'm so sorry.

My heartfelt condolences, Paula.

I don't understand, Hendrik.

You don't need to say anything now.

Oh God... I feel really bad asking this, but...

can Emma come to practice tomorrow anyway?

But of course.

Oh that's terrific.

Then I won't disturb you any longer.

I wanted to keep this a secret, but I'm letting the cat out of the bag.

The director at the boarding school for athletes in Leipzig...

told me yesterday that if Emma wins on Sunday,

I can start coaching her there next year.

Do you know what that means?

The Olympics.

Of course it would be a shame if we let this chance slip away.

That's terrific, Hendrik.

But I don't understand the big commotion. Nobody here died.

Nobody?

- But Emma said... - A misunderstanding.

Then everything's OK. All the better.

No death in the family, no reason to miss practice, right?

What's going on here?

Uh, it's hard to explain.

Nervous about the upcoming race?

Oh, yes. That too.

Look, it's perfectly normal to be nervous.

But Emma, you know,

sometimes you've just got to box your way through a crisis.

I remember my first marathon.

I almost gave up two hours into the race.

The sun was scorching and I already had blisters.

But I stuck it out.

I literally crawled across the finish line.

Yeah, but why?

Seriously, Emma. After all, I did come in 4th place. You know that.

That was one of the happiest moments in my life.

Did you draw this?

Very nice indeed.

Well, good night.

All just charlatans, Mrs. Lazybones.

Turning a pig into a girl in a bikini.

Do you know how he did that?

Computer-generated holography.

Oh Helena.

Our kind probably died out long ago.

And we just don't know it.

There won't be a successor.

And I'll never get to be with you.

You do understand that when someone trespasses...

and steals a student's property, we have to follow up on it.

But he didn't steal anything from me.

He just took back his book. I didn't return it on time.

So...

you borrowed the book from him and he came and got it.

And now everything is settled between you two?

Don't believe him.

Foureyes, tell the truth now.

Yesterday you pasted these flyers all over town. You're looking for this man.

Strange.

Is it against the law to look for someone?

No, of course not.

Where do I know this face?

My good friend, Foureyes.

If you think you can play stubborn and make us all look like fools...

I know.

Good job.

This man...

was in the wax museum at the wharf.

Remember, they had that show on myths and legends?

And this man...

was allegedly a sorcerer 100 years ago.

Really? Do you know what his name was?

No.

A sorcerer. 100 years ago.

People used to believe all that hocus-pocus back then.

You know what, Foureyes?

I suggest we forget this whole thing, OK?

What?

Your student seems to have a wild imagination.

Sorcerers - what nonsense.

We've got more important things to do.

- Yes, but... - Miss Kahl...

That sure was a wicked dream.

Oh, no.

Are you up yet?

Hurry, you don't want to be late for practice again.

I've got a hot lead. Meet me at the wax museum.

Great. I'll call Mickey.

See ya.

Where'd you get that cap?

Sorry about her skipping practice yesterday.

Paula, don't worry. Kids are like that sometimes.

Their heads are full of nonsense.

Go ahead and get changed.

Listen, Hendrik.

Is everything OK at practice?

Maybe this is too much pressure for Emma.

Oh no, Paula, I assure you,

I'd never force your daughter to do anything she didn't want to.

This stupid hair.

What's going on here?

This is the men's locker room...

Answer.

Hello. Hi, this is... Mickey.

I'd like to speak to Emma.

Sorry, Mickey. Emma's at swim practice right now.

Can I give her a message?

No, no, that won't be necessary.

Alright, bye.

Oh crap.

Hey there, young man.

Alright, Emma. Weight belt practice. For more strength.

Everything in place?

And now your ankle-cuffs. Thank you.

OK, turn around.

There. Knees apart.

OK. And - in you go.

What the... I can't believe this.

What was that all about?

What the hell was that, Emma?

I tried to swim.

Oh, you tried to swim?

I don't know what your problem is all of a sudden,

but I'm not going to let you ruin our careers like this.

I know you can do it.

You've got the best times, the best coach,

and the talent.

I know you can win tomorrow.

Please, say you'll win tomorrow.

Yeah, alright, I'll... uh...

This race is very important, you do know that?

Not just for your future, but for mine too.

I did my best,

really.

Alright.

Maybe you just need a little break before the race.

Yeah that's it.

Alright, then let's... Oh no.

Then let's call it a day so you'll be fit for tomorrow.

Hey, Mickey.

Emma, what are you doing here?

And what did you do to my hair?

I told you not to go to practice. You're going to ruin everything.

Give me a break.

You can't stand Hopp or your stupid swim practice either.

Nonsense. Where did you get that idea?

You just swim to make your mom happy and to fulfill her big dream...

of competing in the Olympics.

She never made it...

because of her messed-up knee.

That's crazy.

Then have fun at the Leipzig boarding school for athletes.

Boarding school for athletes? What are you talking about?

Where Hopp is sending you next year. If you win the race tomorrow.

Then you can practice 8 hours a day...

and eat raw vegetables for dinner.

But I want to stay here.

What would I do in Leipzig?

Oh, man...

Then I can't win tomorrow's race no matter what.

You should be glad,

you won't have to put up with losers like me.

I'd rather hang out with a loser like you...

than with lots of Michelles at some boarding school.

Really?

Then you changed your mind about what you said about me in your diary...

What did you say?

You're the biggest moron.

I don't believe it.

I didn't read that much.

Just the part about swimming...

When this is over, I don't want anything to do with you again.

Let's go. We're meeting at the wax museum.

- Why the wax museum? - Because of the sorcerer.

Did you guys find him?

Looks like it.

Wait a sec.

It's about time.

We only have 28 hours left.

What's with you two?

Ask Mickey.

I screwed up.

What else is new?

This is where we find the sorcerer?

Hey, wicked shirt, Emma.

And now we enter the room...

dedicated to dark legends.

And the mystical figures...

of the past 2000 years.

Exactly the same coat.

Albert Tartov, born in 1877,

date of death unknown, and his wife Helena,

born 1886,

died 1927.

We got him.

What do you mean: "We got him"?

Tartov is the last descendant of an ancient dynasty of sorcerers.

He can't die until he finds a successor...

he can pass on the family's knowledge to.

Dynasty of sorcerers?

But now how are we going to find Albert Tartov?

Well, I guess even sorcerers have to live somewhere, right?

Born in 1877.

Then he's got to be almost 125 years old by now.

Yeah but it must be great to be immortal, right?

Not in the phone book either.

Shoot. What do we do now?

Of course. I've got an idea.

Follow me.

Now where are they going?

Hey miss, what're you doin'?

Get me down from here this instant.

Oh crud. I totally forgot...

that they're closed on Saturdays.

Grandpa means so much to me.

But he's already quite old.

And now on top of all that he's got cancer...

The doctors say he only has a few days to live.

And you know what his greatest wish is...

No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me.

His greatest wish is to see his old sandbox playmate again,

Albert Tartov. Just to see him once more before he dies.

Sure, but can't it wait until Monday?

No.

He could croak any hour.

Come on, be a good sport and help my girl-friend here...

My boy-friend here.

The restrooms?

Down the hall and to the left.

Albert and my grandpa used to be best friends.

Archive: 1975 till present

Archive: til 1955

You can imagine how much my grandpa wants...

to make peace with Albert before he dies.

But nobody knows where Albert lives.

I simply have to find him.

Alright, alright.

Thanks.

Normally we're not allowed to give out addresses just like that.

But in this case I'll have a look.

What was your grandpa's friend's name again?

Sorry, no Albert Tartov here.

Not in Hamburg or the surrounding area.

Nothing.

What do we do now?

Never fear, Foureyes is here.

The address is from 1954.

Maybe he still lives there but just isn't registered anymore.

It won't hurt to check.

Oh man, how are we supposed to find anyone here?

Here's his mailbox.

Uh Mr. Tartov, I found your coat in the woods,

and I'm real sorry I didn't return it until now.

How does that sound?

Lousy.

Oh man.

I hope no one shows up.

Looks like nobody's home.

Are you sure?

In that case.

What are you doing?

Just looking around. Maybe his book is here some place.

Are you crazy? What if he comes back.

He'll kill us if he catches us here.

Boys. You always act so tough, but when it comes down to it,

- you're the biggest wimps. - Rather be a wimp than dead.

It must be pretty lonely living so long without your wife.

Man, a real sorcerer.

On September 12, 1093,

Tartov made a whole herd of cows disappear.

Cows?

Stop. Stay where you are.

Magia lunaris novodite -

Door close and lock tight.

What are you doing on my boat?

Please, don't hurt us.

The last people...

to break into my houseboat are now...

at the bottom of the river Elbe.

Please help us. It's a matter of life or death.

What do you know of death, boy.

- It's about the book. - The book?

It's really quite simple.

Your book says a lot of garbage...

and that's why I'm not me anymore but a girl instead.

On account of the magic spell. The transformation spell.

I recited it.

And that's why I'm a boy now, and Mickey's in my body.

We just have 20 hours left.

Tough luck, kids.

That's what happens when you do things...

you basically don't have a clue about.

What would your wife Helena say about you refusing to help us?

Now you listen to me,

you pesky kids, I don't know where you came from,

but I'll give you some good advice:

leave my wife Helena out of this.

What a cool crystal ball you've got.

Mr. Tartov, please.

You're our only chance.

You found the book in the woods.

And stole my coat.

Give it to me.

Here, Mrs. Lazybones. C'mon.

I wanted to return it to you, honestly, I swear.

But it was full of so much fascinating stuff.

But the words are written in a secret code.

Aw, the code's not that hard to break if you just use your head...

A spell as powerful...

as the one you're under...

requires the aid of magic helpers.

You need two pieces of silver...

and a special piece of gold that you earned yourself.

In the great days they used orders of knighthood.

Anything like that in your room?

These days there's no such thing as knights...

But you must have had something in your room...

- Oh my God. - What?

My gold medal.

The gold medal.

Don't worry. I can...

make the gold medal appear magically.

Really?

Sure, after all I am a sorcerer.

Cool.

Ready.

Magia lunaris imploras -

Medal appear before us.

Sorry about that. Maybe...

Maybe it'd be better if we drove, hm?

Who is it?

Michelle. I'm Emma's friend from the swim club.

Can you prove it?

Yes, I have my swimmer's ID card right here.

It doesn't look like you at all.

It's an old photo.

Alright, I believe you.

Are you alone?

Then get out of my way, shrimp.

- Is this it? - Yes.

What's she doing here?

We'll be right back with the medal.

Shit.

Lenny, where is my...

I mean, where's your sister's gold medal?

This girl came in and took it.

What girl?

A crazy girl with an electrocuted hairdo. From your swim club.

That dirty rat.

Now what?

Of course. She's got practice today.

She practices twice a day?

Uh, totally wicked.

Not bad.

Maybe I can turn it into a brooch... But I can only give you 20 Euros for it.

OK. The sooner you melt it down the better.

- There you go. - Thank you.

- Bye. - Bye.

What are you doing here?

Young lady,

we're missing a medal.

- Help. I'm being attacked. - Careful, that could backfire.

Alright, you asked for it.

Magia lunaris...

Wait,

how did that go?

Oh yeah,

Serpentionda -

Mop...

you are now an anaconda.

Wonderful.

Awesome.

Like this, she'll never tell us where the medal is.

Wait.

Watch this.

Magia lunaris memoruth -

You must now tell the truth.

Tell us...

where Emma's medal is.

When hell freezes over.

Hard as nails.

It might be good if you told her something nice.

Do I really have to?

Sometimes it helps.

You're an excellent swimmer.

You could say, the best around.

Virtually unbeatable.

Why I'd even say you deserve to win tomorrow.

I sold the medal to a shop on Lege Street 24.

Nobody was here today.

You swam your workout and...

that's all.

Oh man. I'll never forgive myself for that.

- Do you recognize anything? - No, it's too dark.

Oh crud.

Come on, let's try the back door.

Shoot, locked.

Let me try, kids. After all, that's why I'm here, right?

Magia lunaris sesame -

Door unlock for me.

Unlock. Not lock.

I've got the keys.

And I've got the flashlights.

I've got it.

Great.

But it's been melted down.

Let me see.

Ah yes, this isn't good. Not good at all.

He alloyed it with lead.

It's no good anymore.

Oh no.

Well, I guess that's that.

And we were so close.

Oh man.

- Doomed to be a boy forever. - Doomed to be a Fishface.

What, Mrs. Lazybones?

What did you say?

Yes.

There's another possibility.

What?

Thank you, Mrs. Lazybones.

However,

it's been a while since anyone attempted it.

Anyway,

we could try it...

with a different piece of gold.

But it needs to be earned fair and square.

Why didn't you say so?

But how do we get our hands on a piece of gold?

I know.

The race tomorrow. The winner gets a gold medal.

That's impossible.

I'm afraid I have to agree.

But why?

If Mickey wins the race tomorrow,

I'll have to go to that stupid school for jocks.

And besides, you couldn't drag me back into that pool.

Either of you got a better idea?

It'll never work.

Come on, you've got my body.

I'll teach you the technique and then it's up to your willpower.

But breaststroke and butterfly and that crap...

I'll never be able to do that.

Then we'll start with crawl. One gold medal is enough.

OK, let's go.

Get your face underwater.

Excellent.

And don't forget your breathing.

Every third stroke.

And stretch your body.

You see, you can do it.

What's wrong?

I have to tell you something.

You know your diary?

I'm really sorry about that.

I was an idiot.

Now that I think about it, you might even say...

I was a total idiot.

You could even call me a mega creep.

Honestly.

I have to confess something too.

I looked at your sketch pad.

And?

Do you like them?

I think they're wonderful.

Now don't disappoint me.

Why Mickey? I'm Emma.

I warn you, Mickey.

Don't mess things up for me if you value your life.

30 minutes and counting till spell reversal.

We'll make it, don't worry.

Michelle's in top form, she's way out in front.

Emma's bad start has put her behind.

It's going to be very difficult for her.

But here comes Emma. Gradually catching up.

She could still do it.

Mickey, head down.

You're doing great.

It's going to be very close.

It's Michelle. Michelle Strohkark wins this grueling battle.

And Emma, despite an amazing comeback, will have to settle for...

A computer error.

Just in, the official times... Emma Uhland is the winner.

Terrific, Emma.

Leipzig, here we come.

Olympics.

Mr. Umpire, you have to disqualify Emma.

But why, Michelle?

She's not herself. She's stuck in someone else's body.

I mean Mickey's stuck in her body.

She didn't swim for herself.

Maybe you're a little confused right now...

No. She only won because of that sorcerer.

Sorcerer.

Take the little crazy woman away.

That was the coolest race I've ever seen.

Good job, Emma.

A job well done.

Lousy start, of course. But...

we'll iron that out in Leipzig.

Why... I...

This may not be the right time, but I...

I mean Emma doesn't want to go to Leipzig anymore.

What?

She's not going to Leipzig, she wants to stay here...

With her friends.

Just a sec.

If she doesn't go to Leipzig, I don't get to coach there.

Leipzig's out. And that's final.

Look you, just who do you think you are?

I'm not letting you ruin my career, you're nuts.

Your career?

I meant to say Emma's. Emma's career.

What do you want anyway?

I should have done this a long time ago.

I think we'd better get going.

Sorry, we have to run.

Good day.

Mom, can we have pancakes for dinner?

Foureyes. You got the silver?

The silver medals...

Oh shit. I left them in my sorcerer's cave.

What?

I don't believe it.

We only have 15 minutes left.

Fourteen.

Don't worry kids.

We'll just have to crank up old Luise again, eh?

Holy cow. Two minutes to go.

I'd better get started.

All set, let's get down to business.

Magia lunaris...

bean4cow -

You are another now.

You are yourselves again.

You are Emma.

You are Mickey.

Awesome.

This will...

take a while.

All your own work?

Not bad.

A salve for warts, hm?

Mrs. Lazybones.

I think...

he's the one.

Isn't he?

The long awaited moment.

- Foureyes? - Yes?

Come join me.

- We have to discuss something. - Yes.

You're indeed...

a very talented boy.

Just not in math...

I've been searching for someone like you for a long time.

I don't follow you.

Oh, but I think you do.

I hereby ask you,

in the presence of your friends and all benevolent gods,

do you choose to accept the role...

of being the next sorcerer of the Tartov family?

But I can't. Then you'll die. Won't you?

Once you've passed your knowledge on to me?

You know,

I'm already very old.

It's time for me to go.

Believe me,

one shouldn't want to live forever, it isn't good.

And my wife...

has been waiting for me a long, long time.

Everything you need to know...

is in this book.

And the coat will protect you.

But most importantly, in all your decisions...

you must always follow your inner voice.

Then nothing can go wrong.

Mrs. Lazybones...

will help you...

and answer all your questions.

But how...?

You just have to listen closely. Here,

try it.

She can talk.

Of course. What did you think?

She has many wonderful abilities.

As long as you are good to her and feed her ham sandwiches,

she will help you.

But don't give her too much licorice.

It gets her constipated.

Your friends will be waking up soon.

I'd better get going.

But I've still got so many questions.

No questions.

Magia lunaris...

suxessor tartovumber -

Awake as sorcerer...

from this deep, deep slumber.

Good luck, my boy.

Mrs. Lazybones, keep a close watch over all of them.

I'm counting on you.

Freezing cold, just my luck.

My beloved Helena.

You've kept me waiting long enough, haven't you?

I didn't find him till just now.

I'm so tired.

I'm me again.

My head.

Foureyes.

What is it?

There's something I have to tell you.

I thought you liked swimming.

I do.

But sometimes Hopp has been downright mean to me.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I thought...

you wanted me to become a big swim star,

since your career as a runner didn't work out.

But you don't have to practice so much for my sake.

I just though if I achieved your big dream by...

making it to the Olympics, well then...

Now you listen to me, Emma.

The Olympics, see?

That's my dream, not yours.

You have to have your own dreams.

Really?

Absolutely.

You had a large-format painting...

You know, of the green horse...

Yes, well, but I prefer the smaller formats at the moment...

Yes, yes, quite nice.

Your portraits are quite interesting indeed.

My portraits?

Yes, yes. If I include the portraits,

I recognize something in your work...

that I hadn't noticed before.

Self-contemplation...

How should I put it - I don't know...

I agree, I like his portraits best, too.

Yes indeed.

I like these pieces.

Your work takes on a whole new dimension.

Alright. I'll buy your complete works.

I'm sure we'll agree on the price.

Hello, Ulrike.

How are you?

Fine.

Thank you.

Then I'll give you a call next week?

Yes... My pleasure.

You mean you sold some of your paintings?

I sold all of them.

They're wonderful.

I'd like to know whose paintings I sold along with mine.

It's not like I don't like your work, Dad.

I prefer to paint portraits, though.

I hope you're not mad at me.

OK, my good friend Mickey. All or nothing.

Either you solve this equation...

or I'm flunking you.

Fair enough, isn't it?

Miss Kahl, let me do this one.

Don't worry, Emma.

You and Foureyes will get your chance...

Miss Kahl, you really deserve this.

Magia lunaris metamorpheaven -

Teacher you are of age eleven.

Michaelus,

I hereby dub you the first knight among my bodyguards.

Power to the Dark Lord.

Down with Princess Emma.

Foureyes, what's keeping you?

And so this summer...

turned out to be the most unusual one I have ever had.

I wonder what other miracles life has in store for me. +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ + T h e

D e a f

B o y s

F o r

B o y s

G r o u p + +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ E N J O Y this SRT SUBTITLE R e l e a s e http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0295003 Hilfe Ich Bin Ein Junge - Help, I'm A Boy (2002) English.srt FPS: 25.000 +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ + T h e

D e a f

B o y s

F o r

B o y s

G r o u p + +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ We want more subtitles right NOW! 1) All DVDs to be subtitled 2) All VIDEO GAMES to be subtitled 3) All videos/DVDs used in lessons at school to be subtitled 4) More pre-recorded & live subtitles on TV __ _ _ _ _ _ //_ _ / _ _ _/ /_)_ _ /_`_ _ /_)_ _ / `__ _ // //_' /_.'/_'/_ / /_)/_//_/_\ / /_// /_)/_//_/_\ /_;//_//_//_/ _/ _/ /