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1
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* MTV ♪
2
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,776
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,779
[rock music]
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:18,986
♪ ♪
5
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:28,962
Welcome, fellow human beings,
to my meditation class, mm-kay,
6
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,199
whether you're
a meditation expert
7
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,434
or just here
as a school-mandated
8
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,369
alternative to detention.
9
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,037
This sucks.
10
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,172
Yeah, really.
11
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,740
Can we just go to detention?
12
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:45,179
Now, everyone, concentrate
on your mantra, mm-kay?
13
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,780
Om.
14
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,782
students: Om.
15
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,384
Uh.
16
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,154
Um.
17
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:56,257
Very good, Beavis
and Butt-Head, very good.
18
00:00:56,324 --> 00:01:01,529
Now, try to empty your minds
of all thought.
19
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,864
- Uh.
- Uh, what?
20
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:07,868
It sounds easy, but some say
only the Buddha himself
21
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,538
was able to completely
empty his mind
22
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,440
and achieve enlightenment.
23
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,209
Now, let's begin
while I set the mood
24
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,578
with these Tibetan
singing bowls I bought
25
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,047
at Cost Plus World Market.
26
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:23,617
[bowl ringing]
27
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:27,521
Okay, clear your mind.
28
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,990
Clear your mind.
29
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,092
Don't think.
30
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,262
Wait, where did I park?
31
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,232
Uh.
32
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,571
Huh. Hmm.
33
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,608
Adam just doesn't get me.
34
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No thoughts.
35
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,945
Wait, that is a thought.
36
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:55,115
[ringing continues]
37
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,456
[ethereal music]
38
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,225
Huh?
39
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,330
Uh, whoa.
40
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:12,333
I think we, like,
left our bodies or something.
41
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,134
Oh. Cool.
42
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,969
My body sucked.
43
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,838
Yeah, mine too.
44
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,474
It never scored.
[chuckles]
45
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:25,078
Um, where are we going?
[chuckles]
46
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,948
Uh, I don't care.
47
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,885
Lil Nas X, I sentence you
to five years
48
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,454
in Montero State Prison.
49
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,922
[gavel bangs]
50
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,457
[dramatic music]
51
00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:38,692
Daytrip took it
to ten.
52
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,561
♪ Baby back, ay ♪
53
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,062
♪ Couple racks, ay *
[Beavis] Whoa.
54
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,997
You think he smuggled
those Grammys in
55
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,367
inside his butt?
[snickers]
56
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:47,935
Uh, yeah.
57
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,704
That's why he's
cleaning 'em off.
58
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:54,141
Everything in prison comes in
through your butt.
59
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,143
See that guy right there?
60
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,178
He's about to pull
a Little League trophy
61
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,914
out of his butt.
[chuckles]
62
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,483
Oh, yeah, yeah.
63
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,819
Yeah, nowadays everyone
gets a trophy, you know?
64
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:06,920
[snickers]
65
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,822
Yeah.
66
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,658
Good for your self-esteem.
67
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,060
Bad for your butt.
[chuckles]
68
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,896
[both laugh]
69
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,865
* I told you
long ago ♪
70
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[Beavis] Whoa, do those guys
have schlongs?
71
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,338
Uh, I think so.
72
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,874
They're just using,
like, special effects
73
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,609
to "pixtelate" them out.
74
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,478
[chuckles]
75
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,045
Oh, that was nice
of them, yeah.
76
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,947
[chuckles]
77
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,516
Whoa.
78
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,917
Boy, I wouldn't want to be,
like, grinding around
79
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,752
on the floor like that,
you know, 'cause...
80
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,288
you know how people
always pee and poop
81
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,656
in the shower, you know?
82
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:46,193
Uh... no.
83
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,662
I mean, like,
I pee in the shower,
84
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,130
but I don't poop.
85
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:52,400
What, you don't?
86
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,434
Yeah, you know what I'm
talking about, Butt-Head.
87
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,002
Everyone does it, you know?
88
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,504
Just like,
you poop in the shower,
89
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,138
and then you mash it down
with your foot
90
00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,507
into that drain thing,
91
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,041
and then you go
wash your foot off
92
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,176
in the toilet, you know.
93
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,814
Uh, no, I don't know, Beavis.
94
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,216
Boy, you're weird, Butt-Head.
95
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,018
I think everybody does that.
I don't know.
96
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,720
I mean, that's what I do.
97
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,288
[chuckles]
98
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:19,092
Uh, Beavis, I'm gonna pretend
I didn't hear any of this.
99
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,563
Now, let's go back to watching
these naked dudes dance.
100
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,098
[laughs]
101
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:28,302
Is he, like,
working at T-Mobile now?
102
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:31,004
Uh, I think you have
to work at T-Mobile
103
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,173
when you're in prison.
104
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,275
Oh.
Oh, that sucks.
105
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:36,510
I thought you
just get to, like,
106
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,078
sit around and watch TV
all the time.
107
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,681
You have to work at T-Mobile?
108
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,617
That's, like, inhumane
or something.
109
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:44,685
[chuckles]
110
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,320
♪ ♪
111
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,222
This video is, like,
really groundbreaking
112
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,759
'cause, like,
Jack Harlow's not in it.
113
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:52,960
[laughs]
114
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,294
Uh.
115
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,263
Oh, never mind.
116
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,765
Oh, yeah, yeah.
117
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,032
There he is.
118
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,901
[groans]
119
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,970
Someone should do something
about Jack Harlow
120
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,773
being in every video.
121
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,941
Uh. Oh.
122
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,310
I guess they did.
[laughs]
123
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:12,179
Yeah, yeah.
124
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:15,383
[both chuckling]
125
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:20,287
[ethereal music]
126
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:23,924
♪ ♪
127
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,727
Uh, where are we?
128
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:30,263
I think it's, like,
Arizona or something.
129
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,032
Greetings, travelers.
130
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,101
And welcome to enlightenment.
131
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,303
I am the Buddha.
132
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,440
Uh, okay.
133
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,042
Let me introduce you
to the others who are here.
134
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,210
Ganesh.
135
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,813
So few humans make it here.
136
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,047
Welcome.
137
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,181
Jesus.
138
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,883
Bless you, my children.
139
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:50,884
Zeus.
140
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,352
Kudos.
141
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,221
And, uh, Bill Gates.
142
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,489
Hi.
143
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:59,126
I've been meditating
for five years.
144
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,495
He also donated
a lot of money
145
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,431
to some Buddhist nonprofits.
146
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,699
This place is neat, huh?
147
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,735
A lot of money.
148
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:12,139
So now you are here at the end
of your lifelong journey.
149
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,574
Enlightenment,
150
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:16,176
the place of serenity,
true wisdom,
151
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,345
and freedom from desire.
152
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,748
So we have to be here
instead of detention?
153
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,216
Yeah, that sucks.
[chuckles]
154
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:26,454
Is there anything
cool here at all?
155
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,590
Would you like to hear
the meaning of life?
156
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,725
Uh, no.
157
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:34,194
Yeah.
Sounds boring. Yeah.
158
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,797
But it's the meaning of life.
159
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:40,033
You do realize that's
the reason people come here,
160
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,735
to learn the meaning of life.
161
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,137
[laughter]
162
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,207
That cloud looks like a butt.
163
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,043
Yeah, it's a butt!
In the sky!
164
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,880
[laughter]
165
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:58,652
It's a butt.
166
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,488
[laughter]
167
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:01,755
Yeah.
168
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,658
What are we going
to do about them?
169
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,093
Do not worry.
170
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,996
None may remain here
in the state of enlightenment
171
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:12,399
unless they can keep
their serenity and focus.
172
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:16,269
Well, so when they lose
their serenity and focus--
173
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,172
They must leave,
never to return.
174
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,341
[laughter]
175
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,610
[bowl ringing]
176
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,411
[laughter]
177
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,514
Hey.
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00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:30,484
Um, in Arizona, do you have,
like, food?
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00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,219
Food does not exist here.
180
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,955
Here we are free
from all desire.
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00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,858
Uh, that sucks.
182
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,426
Yeah, really.
183
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:40,828
Yes.
184
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,931
It's enough to make you lose
your serenity and focus,
185
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,198
is it not?
186
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,335
Although technically,
you can manifest
187
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,438
anything you want here with
the power of your will, so...
188
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:52,973
Uh.
189
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,174
[shimmering tone]
190
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,043
[laughter]
191
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,445
- Cool.
- Yeah, these are fantastic.
192
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,316
Those bowls were given to me
by the first Dalai Lama
193
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,318
in the year 1392.
194
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,587
Oh, yeah.
195
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,422
Yeah, Mr. Van Driessen
has the same ones.
196
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,725
His are from
Cost Plus World Market.
197
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,393
Yup.
198
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,863
Same ones. Yep.
199
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:16,864
[bowl crashes]
200
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,298
Whoops.
201
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,367
Someone should clean that up.
202
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,835
Yeah, really.
203
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,805
Hey, naked guy, can you
go ahead and clean this up?
204
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,374
You're already wearing a towel.
205
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,242
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you can just use that.
206
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,144
Yeah.
[bowl crashes]
207
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,980
Yeah, wipe that up, too,
while you're at it.
208
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,447
Come on, let's go, come on.
209
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,250
Why, you
disrespectful little--
210
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,720
Zeus, concentrate
on your breathing.
211
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,088
Don't tell me what to do!
212
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,423
Whoa, take it easy.
213
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,692
Keep your towel on.
214
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:46,093
Yeah, really.
215
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,895
No one wants to see
your wiener.
216
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:51,231
I should shove
a thunderbolt up your ass!
217
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,366
[screams]
218
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:58,305
Everybody, please, remember
your serenity and focus.
219
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,708
Don't make the mistake
Zeus just made.
220
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,009
Hey, Beavis,
221
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,644
let's think of a monster truck.
222
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:07,681
Yeah, yeah, and tear ass
all over the place, yeah.
223
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,617
You're goddamn right.
224
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,351
That is enough
outta you punks!
225
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,620
You hold them,
and I'll hit them.
226
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,555
[Beavis and Butt-Head grunting]
227
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,959
Damn, this feels great!
228
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,393
Whoo!
229
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,696
[both scream]
230
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,899
That was cool.
[laughs]
231
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,568
My children,
we must work through this
232
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,403
in an enlightened manner.
233
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:31,872
Um, you've got
some nacho cheese
234
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,141
on your dress there, sir.
235
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,679
This is what you call
nacho cheese?
236
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:39,980
[sniffs]
237
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,316
It smells like
a beautiful flower.
238
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,020
This is delicious.
239
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,990
I must get me some nachos.
240
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,292
[screams]
241
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,996
Uh, where'd he go?
242
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:58,165
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
243
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,300
So I guess
it's just you and me
244
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,235
for the rest of eternity, huh?
245
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,337
That'll give us
plenty of time to talk
246
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,473
about the future of computing.
247
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,875
[groans] Damn it.
248
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,677
This guy is pissing me off.
249
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,511
Yeah, me too, yeah.
250
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:12,579
Yeah, let's kick his--
251
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,314
[both scream]
252
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,952
[both scream]
253
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,823
Whoa!
What happened?
254
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:26,860
Uh, I think we, like, escaped
enlightenment or something.
255
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,395
Oh, yeah, yeah.
256
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,800
Yeah, good, yeah,
'cause that place sucked, yeah.
257
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,702
It was, like, in Arizona.
258
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:35,769
Yeah.
259
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,071
Boys, if you keep talking,
260
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,709
you'll never advance
in meditation, mm-kay?
261
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,011
- Cool.
- Yeah.
262
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,513
[both laughing]
263
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:49,482
[rock music]
264
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,957
[rock music]
265
00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,160
♪ ♪
266
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,628
* L-L-look, look,
look, look, look, look ♪
267
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,630
- ♪ Pole dancer *
- Whoa!
268
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,365
Okay, here we go. Yeah.
269
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:08,068
Now we're getting somewhere.
270
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,037
Yeah, it's like,
there's these chicks
271
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,672
with big old butts,
and they're dancing on poles,
272
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,442
and there's a spinning
beach ball--
273
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,011
Wait a second.
274
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,380
Damn it.
275
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:24,551
Uh.
This sucks.
276
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,153
Maybe if we just,
like, you know,
277
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:30,223
wait a minute or something,
it'll start up again, you know?
278
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,624
Gotta be patient.
279
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,294
Sometimes it takes a while.
280
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,229
[slurps]
281
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,599
[birds chirping]
282
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,035
[crickets chirping]
283
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,037
[birds chirping, dog barking]
284
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,109
[slurps]
285
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:50,377
Um, Butt-Head?
286
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,013
I think it's been, like,
a day or something.
287
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,916
I don't think that beach ball
is going away.
288
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:59,987
Uh, well, Beavis, we're just
gonna have to do like the days
289
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:04,357
before TV was invented and find
real pole dancers ourselves.
290
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,692
Oh, boy.
291
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,095
Okay. [laughs]
292
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:12,099
Uh, I think there's, like,
a strip club around here,
293
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:15,769
and I think we can get in
if we act all, like, mature.
294
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:18,438
[laughs] "Mature."
295
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,374
- [laughs]
- Do they have poles?
296
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,310
It's a strip club, dumbass.
297
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,712
They all have poles
and, like, machines
298
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,381
that make it rain and, uh--
299
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,749
whoa!
300
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,718
Check it out, Beavis.
301
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,420
Polling...
302
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:34,687
Palace.
303
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,123
Polling Palace.
304
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,691
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, cool.
305
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,861
This must be it!
Yeah.
306
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:45,465
Beavis, we're about
to get all up in the club.
307
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,634
Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
308
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,736
Hmm!
309
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:52,973
[rock music]
310
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,708
This live dig might
get drowned out by sound.
311
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,178
[Beavis] What are they doing?
What are those things?
312
00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:01,815
Uh, those are those things
that old people use
313
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:04,084
at the beach,
where they, like, go around
314
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,053
with the headphones
and listen for beeps
315
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,823
and try to find, like, pirate
treasure or something stupid.
316
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:13,526
- [laughs]
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
317
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,662
There's usually something
wrong with the people
318
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,664
who do that, you know?
[laughs]
319
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,433
There sure is.
[chuckles]
320
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,336
What is that, some kind of,
like, turd or something?
321
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:24,704
[laughs]
322
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:26,606
Oh, no, no, no!
323
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,475
Uh.
324
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,643
It's just a dime.
325
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:31,811
Oh, really?
326
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,247
How much is that worth?
327
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,616
Uh, I bet he could sell
that thing
328
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,351
for, like, ten cents.
329
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,953
[laughs]
330
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,889
Boy, they sure are getting
excited over ten cents,
331
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,723
you know?
332
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,758
She's gonna masturbate
to it.
333
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:49,829
[laughter]
334
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,799
All right, I got that Barber
by these sycamores,
335
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,267
and Doug came over.
336
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:58,105
He's like,
"Ooh, Doug, another turd."
337
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,773
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hmm, yeah.
338
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,075
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
339
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,912
Look, it's a useless
piece of crap.
340
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,247
What a beautiful design
on that buckle.
341
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,649
What'd he say?
It's a buckle?
342
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:10,984
Yeah.
343
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,453
Hundreds of years ago
before there was YouTube,
344
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,323
people used these things
to bore other people.
345
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,490
[laughs]
346
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,860
Yeah, and it still works. Yeah.
347
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,429
All right, we brushed off...
348
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:25,332
Whoa, look, Doug is fiddling
with his schlong, look.
349
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,733
[laughs]
350
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,768
Yeah, that's Doug's buckle
'cause he just undid
351
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:31,504
his pants to play with himself.
352
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,440
All right, I'm on
the other side of this tree,
353
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,908
these two sister trees.
354
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,809
Sister trees?
355
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,745
Trees can be girls?
356
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,548
I thought they were all dudes, yeah.
357
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,051
You know, because, um--'cause
they have a crotch, you know?
358
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,318
About the same size.
359
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,487
And I think they
predate the house.
360
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,489
The sister trees
are dating the house?
361
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,025
Maybe the house will score
with both of them.
362
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,894
- [laughs]
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
363
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:57,097
Doug's getting them
all worked up.
364
00:14:57,164 --> 00:15:00,500
He just yelled
that he got something cool.
365
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,835
And okay.
366
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,172
Wait a minute.
367
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,807
The word "cool" means
something's good, right?
368
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,309
Like, it's cool?
369
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,810
Yeah.
370
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,746
There's nothing cool
about that.
371
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,249
I mean, I used to eat my toy
Hot Wheels and Tonka Trucks
372
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,617
and poop them out
all the time,
373
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,119
but I didn't go show it off,
you know,
374
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:21,421
and, like, make videos
and stuff, you know?
375
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,556
[laughter]
376
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,758
Come back when you got
half a LEGO pirate ship
377
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,161
floating in the toilet,
you know?
378
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,998
Now, that, I showed people.
I did do that. Yeah.
379
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,432
Yeah. [laughs]
380
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:35,435
The teacher said you
ruined third grade.
381
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:38,371
[laughter]
382
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,872
And then he retired.
383
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,009
[laughter]
384
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,111
Oh, yeah.
385
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,013
All right, Doug,
nice find,
386
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,547
clad quarter,
eagle back at least.
387
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,183
I hate it when people
come into Burger World
388
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:53,753
and they try to pay cash
with a bunch of coins.
389
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,322
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
390
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,291
Yeah, I can't tell one
of them from another, yeah.
391
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,093
I just put them
in the register
392
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,062
and say, "Thank you very much.
393
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,730
Drive through," yeah.
394
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,833
I hate when anyone comes
into Burger World at all.
395
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,435
Yeah, yeah, really.
396
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,802
Sometimes I just
want to say,
397
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,538
"You know, I don't come
to where you work
398
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,740
"and, like, throw
a bunch of money around
399
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,909
and demand French fries,
so don't do it here," yeah.
400
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,445
[laughs]
401
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,415
There sure is a big line.
402
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,152
Everyone likes
pole dancers, Beavis,
403
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:28,855
even these old perverts.
404
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,524
Yeah, look
at all these freaks.
405
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,360
There oughta be a law,
you know what I'm saying?
406
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,262
[laughs]
407
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,398
Good to see you young folks
at the polls.
408
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:39,766
Is this your first time?
409
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,202
Yeah, yeah, but, um--
but we've been interested
410
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,871
in this stuff for a long time.
411
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:48,141
Yeah.
We're, like, really into it.
412
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,909
Well, good for you boys.
413
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:51,944
I wasn't interested
in any of this stuff
414
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,714
until Ronald Reagan.
415
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,049
Oh, yeah?
416
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,917
Is she a slut?
417
00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,686
Yeah, yeah,
I bet Ronald Reagan
418
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,189
has big hooters, yeah.
419
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,224
I hope she's in there
shaking her butt.
420
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,494
Yeah, shake that ass,
Reagan, yeah.
421
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,064
Show me what you're
working with, yeah.
422
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,800
Whoa.
[laughs]
423
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,637
I guess we have to get past
the bouncers or something.
424
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,606
Name and address, please?
425
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,275
Uh, who are you?
426
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,777
I'm Lorraine.
I'm a poll worker.
427
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,546
Whoa.
[laughs]
428
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,481
- Oh, it's not here.
- I don't know why...
429
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,283
Can you excuse me
just a second?
430
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,618
Look again.
I've been voting at this...
431
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,153
Well, she's a little older
than I thought,
432
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,122
but I won't complain.
433
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,623
Yeah, yeah.
434
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,426
Yeah, she must be a really good
pole dancer by now.
435
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:40,960
Sweet Lorraine.
436
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,196
Back that thing up.
437
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,198
I'm tired of waiting, Beavis.
438
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,933
Let's go get up in the club.
439
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,302
[laughs]
440
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,471
Uh.
441
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,106
Where are the strippers?
442
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,642
I don't see any poles either.
443
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,477
They gotta be
around here somewhere.
444
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,112
[chuckles]
445
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:02,482
You just go right behind
that curtain there.
446
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:03,916
Whoa.
447
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:07,354
Beavis, looks like we're
headed to the champagne room.
448
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,556
Ooh, yeah.
449
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:13,460
I hope we get to see
Ronald Reagan shake that ass.
450
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,328
Shake that ass.
451
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,963
Yeah.
452
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,336
[laughter]
453
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:26,239
The champagne room, yeah.
454
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:31,911
Um, Butt-Head, um,
there's no chicks in here.
455
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:35,515
Uh, they gotta be here soon.
456
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,285
And I don't see a pole
either, Butt-Head.
457
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:41,154
As long as there's chicks,
who cares about the pole?
458
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,123
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true, yeah.
459
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:47,294
Yeah, this is gonna be cool. Yeah.
460
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,861
Oh, check it out.
What's this?
461
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:53,166
Whoa, it's like
a pole dancer menu.
462
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,436
So many pole dancers
to choose from, look at that.
463
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,339
Uh, a lot of these are guys.
464
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:00,740
[chuckles]
465
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,276
Bush.
[laughter]
466
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,512
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm gonna order that one.
467
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,647
Yeah. Ooh.
468
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,383
Here we go.
[chuckles]
469
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,818
So now what?
470
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,557
Uh.
471
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:20,260
Go up there
and put it in the box.
472
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:23,095
I'll hold it down here
in case the strippers come.
473
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,198
[laughs]
474
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:32,572
Just stick my menu in here. Yeah.
475
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:34,607
And put some money
in there, dumbass.
476
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,509
Act like you know
what you're doing.
477
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:37,744
Oh, yeah.
478
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,181
[grunts]
Yeah, here we go.
479
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,716
[grunts]
480
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,618
Just go ahead
and smooth this out a little.
481
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,487
Make it all nice
for the stripper, yeah.
482
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,422
[chuckles]
483
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:50,957
Let's see what else I got here.
484
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,726
Yeah, that'll seal the deal. Yeah.
485
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:57,264
[laughs]
Big money.
486
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,399
And now we just wait
for our order,
487
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,167
just like Burger World.
488
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:02,335
Yeah, yeah.
489
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,503
Thank you. Drive through.
490
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,338
Yeah.
491
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:08,608
[laughter]
492
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,877
Um, you've been
in there a long time.
493
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,246
Do you need to see
a poll worker?
494
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,514
Yeah, yeah.
495
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,882
Yeah, we've been waiting
to see a poll worker
496
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,384
for, like, 20 minutes.
497
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:21,153
Yeah, tell her to hurry
the hell up already.
498
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,557
[laughter]
499
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:26,326
Hello, you two.
500
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,696
Uh, we didn't come here
for small talk.
501
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:33,132
Time to get down to business. Yeah.
502
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:36,068
Did you fill out the ballot
slip and put it in the box?
503
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,637
We sure did.
504
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,139
Yeah, and now it's your turn.
505
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,574
Come on, now.
506
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,009
So congratulations.
507
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,811
You successfully voted.
508
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,314
Um, we what?
509
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,149
If you filled out your ballot
and then put it in that box,
510
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:51,017
then you voted.
511
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,320
Yeah, for a stripper.
512
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:56,188
Look, I didn't think she
was a great candidate either,
513
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,591
but she's better
than the one we've got.
514
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:01,461
Is this 'cause Beavis
didn't put in enough money?
515
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,262
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, here.
516
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:06,499
I was gonna save it
for your G-string, but, um--
517
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,901
There she goes.
[chuckles]
518
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:13,340
Well, that strip club sucked.
519
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,374
Yeah, yeah.
520
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,508
Yeah, I even made it rain
521
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,444
with my last $1.50,
522
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,312
and nothing happened.
523
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:22,949
[music thumping]
524
00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:24,784
Maybe we can try this place.
525
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,519
No way, Beavis.
526
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:28,388
We're not falling
for that again.
527
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,857
[laughs]
Sorry, dumbasses.
528
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,460
We, like, outsmarted you.
529
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,594
Yeah, really.
530
00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:36,262
How dumb do we look?
531
00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:38,531
[laughter]
532
00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:42,001
[rock music]
533
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,062
Chirp.
33815
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