Original subtitles

- ♪ MTV ♪

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- [snoring]

- [mumbling]

[hammer pounding] - Ugh, damn it.

How the hell are we supposed to sleep with all this noise?

- Eh.

What's it say, Butt-Head?

- Uh,

"We re-serve the rig-hut to re-fussy..."

- It says, "We reserve the right

to refuse service to anyone."

- Uh...

- It means employees can refuse service

to a customer who violates our policies.

- Uh... - Huh?

- Like, if a customer creates

an unsafe or a hostile work environment.

- Whoa, that would be cool.

[both chuckle] - Yeah, unsafe kicks ass.

[chuckles] - Uh, wait a second.

So we can, like, refuse service to anyone we want?

- No, only if they violate our policies

or create an unsafe or hostile work environment,

- Cool. [chuckles]

Maybe work wouldn't suck so much

if it was unsafe and hostile.

[chuckles] - Yeah, motivation is cool.

[chuckles]

- ♪ Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me, if you ever cared to ask ♪

♪ Good for you ♪

- These cheerleaders don't seem all that great, you know?

- Yeah, really.

The cheerleaders at our school are better than this,

and half of 'em are pregnant.

[both chuckle]

- Yeah, that's cool. [chuckles]

- The coach is like, "Olivia Rodrigo,

"I've been noticing you've been half-assing it at practice.

"You're supposed to be

"cheering for the Fighting Dolphins,

not yelling about your boyfriend."

[chuckles]

- "When you wear this uniform, you rep the school.

"Now, if you wanna go burn down

"Your boyfriend's house,

you do it in your street clothes."

[chuckles]

"This is not gonna help us beat the Wildcats."

[chuckles]

- ♪ Like a damn sociopath, I've lost my mind ♪

- Uh, what is that word, "sociopath"?

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I wonder what it means. [chuckles]

- That school psychiatrist said I was one of those.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- But it didn't matter, 'cause I don't care about her at all.

[both chuckle]

Or anyone else, really. [chuckles]

I don't care about others. [chuckles]

- ♪ Good for you ♪

- You know, I would love

to have a girl be this mad at me

because that means that I scored with her before,

you know?

- Yeah, no girl will ever be

this pissed off about you, Beavis.

- Yeah, yeah.

No one's ever gonna burn down my house.

[chuckles]

I guess I'll just have to do it myself.

[chuckles] - You'll die alone.

[both chuckle] - Shut up, Butt-Head.

[chuckles]

- Hi, I want a bacon cheeseburger

with lettuce and tomato, but extra tomato,

and a vanilla shake,

and a large half-fries, half-onion rings.

- Uh, I refuse. [chuckles]

- What? Why?

- You're, like, creating a work environment.

[chuckles] - But you work here.

Isn't this your job?

- You just did it again, dumbass.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, we'll have three regular hamburgers.

- Uh-huh. - No ketchup on one of them.

- [chuckles] Ketchup sucks.

- And we'll take two orders of fries.

- Would you like to try our new Macho Hot Fries

for $1 more?

- Sounds good.

- [chuckles]

- You got all that?

- No.

- What do you mean, "No"?

- I refuse. [chuckles]

I'm not gonna make it,

'cause you're, like, violating our policies.

- How exactly am I violating your policies?

- Um, what's the policy again?

[chuckles]

- Would you just give us our food?

- I think it's, like, you're being a butthole or something.

[chuckles]

And, like, you suck. [chuckles]

Thank you. Drive through.

[chuckles]

We won't be needing this anymore.

- Can we have two junior burger meals

with the apple slices?

And I'll have a salad.

- Uh, no, you cannot. - We know our rights, ma'am.

[chuckles] - We sure do.

They're on that sign full of words.

[chuckles]

- Um, Butt-Head,

that's the sign that shows you how to choke somebody.

[chuckles]

- Okay, I wanna see the manager right now.

- I refuse. [both chuckling]

- Ugh.

- Yeah, and don't come back! [door slams]

Thank you for choosing Burger World.

[chuckles]

- Hey, guys, we're here, and today, we've got some new items

to the studio, and I'm super, super excited about it.

I'm not quite sure what's in here.

- Oh, this is that video where he unboxes real human skulls.

[chuckles] - Yeah, that's messed up.

[chuckles]

- If you're unboxing real human skulls,

you shouldn't start out with,

"Hey, guys, I'm super, super excited."

[chuckles]

- Yeah, really.

Your start out like--

[cackles]

Like that Crypt Keeper dude, you know?

Like, how he's always making puns, you know?

[chuckles]

"Welcome, boils and ghouls." [chuckles]

- "If you are watching, you just might get a head."

[chuckles]

- "Oh, what have we here?

This is to remind you to stay in skull."

[both chuckle]

Wait a minute. [chuckles]

Wait, where do they get these skulls?

- Uh, from dead people.

[chuckles]

- Wait a minute, so he--so he's, like,

a serial killer or something?

- Yeah. [chuckles]

"Breaking news: Police have just arrested a man

known as the dumbass-who-shows-off-

his-skulls-on-YouTube killer."

[both chuckle]

"Neighbors said he seems like a serial killer,

and he's got a bunch of skulls in his apartment."

[chuckles]

- "Neighbors said he would show off his skulls

"and say, 'Meet my new tomb-mate.'"

[cackles]

[both chuckle]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

"Would you like to come into my apartment

and take a whiz in the bath-tomb?"

[chuckles]

- [chuckles]

He's like... [cackles]

"These skulls give me a bone-r."

[chuckles]

You know, yeah, 'cause the bone is, like, you know--

skull is, like, a bone, you know.

[chuckles] - Uh, yes, I get it, Beavis.

[chuckles] Don't run it into the ground.

[chuckles]

- But I'm getting grave reviews.

[chuckles]

- I'm going to kick your ass.

Now shut up. [chuckles]

- You know, yeah, wait a second.

I don't think I get that one.

- This was an old, old preparation...

- That guy, who the skull belong to, is like,

"You know, I lived a good life.

"I raised a family, and now this dumbass is playing

with my skull on YouTube."

[chuckles]

- Man, this is really messed up, Butt-Head.

Think maybe we should call the police?

- Uh, nah.

[chuckles] It's not my problem.

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah.

[chuckles]

Yeah, it's not my skull. [chuckles]

- I hope you guys enjoy it. Ciao.

- "Ciao.

I'm gonna go chow down on some human flesh."

[both chuckle]

[cars honking]

- Uh, can I get a double cheeseburger, large fries,

and a root beer?

- Yes, you can,

but not here.

I refuse. [chuckles]

- Butt-Head, Butt-Head. [chuckles]

There's a hot chick in line. Check her out.

[chuckles] Should I refuse her?

- Whoa, she's creating a hostile environment

in my pants.

[both chuckle]

- Hey, yeah, really.

It's getting unsafe in there. [chuckles]

- Let me handle this, Beavis. [chuckles]

- Um, I guess I could let you handle it.

But I was kind of hoping the hot chick would--

[screaming]

I thought you meant--

[crash] Ahh!

- Stop it. Don't you ever--

[impacts] - Ah-ah-oh!

- Get out there. [chuckles]

- What's this about you guys refusing to serve people?

- Nothing could be further from the truth, ma'am.

I'll have Beavis bring you everything

from our entire menu.

- I am servicing the right to reserve you.

- Uh, and allow me to provide you a little entertainment.

[chuckles]

Check this out. [chuckles]

Uh, you, and, uh, you over there,

we reserve the right to refuse you service,

unless you fight.

[chuckles] - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fight. [chuckles]

Winner gets to eat, yeah. [chuckles]

- And the loser shall be refused.

That is our right, and we reserve it.

- This is bullshit.

I'm not gonna hurt this guy for a lousy cheeseburger.

- Yeah, except, you know, you wouldn't hurt me.

all: Ooh!

- He just said he can kick your ass.

- You'll be on the floor in about five seconds.

- Yeah, fight, fight! - You wanna go?

You wanna go?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Kick his ass.

- Worldstar.

- Hey!

[both chuckling]

- Well, we did it, Beavis.

This place is an unsafe and hostile work environment.

- Yeah, manager's gonna be really proud of us, you know?

- It's a good thing he put up that sign.

[indistinct yelling]

- I guess it's not up anymore.

Oh, there it is.

[chuckles]

Butt-Head, the sign broke.

- Eh, damn it.

Now we have to serve people again.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, this job sucks.

[police siren wailing]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[both chuckling]

- That statue kicks ass.

- Yeah, yeah. [both chuckle]

What kind of pants are those?

- They're yoga pants, dumbass.

Everybody knows that. [chuckles]

- Well, that statue sure looks good in those yoga pants.

[chuckles] - It sure does.

[chuckles] - [chuckles]

Yoga pants. [chuckles]

Mm.

Um, Butt-Head?

I wonder if I would look sexy in yoga pants.

[chuckles] Yeah.

- Everyone looks sexy in yoga pants.

- Yeah, except for you, Beavis,

'cause you're disgusting.

- No way, Butt-Head. [chuckles]

You heard what she said.

I'm gonna listen to a chick and not you.

[chuckles]

I'm gonna go get some yoga pants,

and then I shall score.

[chuckles]

- [slurps]

- You've seen it before, but not on this scale.

[laughs]

I thought we all needed cheering up, myself included.

So I know how you love a little bit of rock cooking.

I thought I'd go OTT with it.

- You know--you know, Butt-Head, um,

sometimes I worry that I'll never score, you know?

But, um--

but this guy will never score.

- Yeah, I don't see how he could.

[chuckles]

- Is this the outback or something?

- He's in the outback

'cause his wife kicked him out,

and now he's living out back behind his mom's house.

[chuckles]

- "Mom, can I play breakfast in the backyard again?"

[both chuckle]

- This guy's survival skill, is it, like, if he runs out

of food, he just goes to his mom's house

and gets a bunch of stuff out of the fridge?

[both chuckle]

- And then he just goes into the backyard

and cooks it all, yeah.

[chuckles]

On one of those tiles from the roof, yeah.

[chuckles]

- Why didn't he just, like, get some Froot Loops

or something?

[both chuckle]

This breakfast is a cry for help.

[both chuckle]

He made a face out of eggs and sausage

'cause he's lonely.

[both chuckle]

- "Let's make some pancake boobs here."

[both chuckle]

- He's like, "I'm cooking for two

"in case Jennifer comes back. Has anyone seen her?

No? Well, that means more for me."

[chuckles]

- This is turning out to be a great day

without Jennifer, and many more to come, yeah.

[chuckles]

" Yeah, my ex-wife likes oranges,

so I guess I'll make her some orange juice.

[chuckles]

- And I'll make it here in her sawed-off leg bone.

[both chuckle]

- That was lovely.

- [chuckles]

Yup, all good things must come to an end,

like this filthy breakfast and my marriage of 14 months.

[both chuckle]

- Come on, Butt-Head. This is getting too sad.

[chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

"And now I filled this backpack with rocks,

and I'm just gonna go walk into the ocean."

[both chuckle] - Yeah.

- "In the next episode, you'll be seeing an outback funeral."

[both chuckle]

"Let me know if she's there." [chuckles]

"She'll probably cry, and then she'll regret

running off with her college roommate."

- Yeah. [both chuckle]

She'll be like, "You know, if I hadn't left him,

"he'd still be alive and cooking me a filthy breakfast

on a rock."

[both chuckle]

- "And don't forget, if you like this video,

can you please go find my wife?"

[both chuckle]

- Just smash that find-my-wife button.

[both chuckle]

Go get me some yoga pants.

Ooh, yeah. [chuckles]

- Uh, here you go, Beavis. [chuckles]

- Um, those look kind of small, Butt-Head.

- Of course they look small, dumbass.

That's because they, like, stretch and stuff so that

they can, like, rearrange your butt or something.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes sense, yeah.

[chuckles] This is gonna be cool.

[chuckles]

- [slurps] - Okay.

I'll take these off.

Here we go. [chuckles]

Ah.

Hey, how's it going? [chuckles]

Hey, Butt-Head, I'm, like, naked in a place

that, like, chicks have been naked in.

- Cool. [chuckles]

- Boing, oing, oing. - [chuckles]

- Okay, okay. [chuckles]

- [slurps] - Put these bad boys on.

[chuckles]

[grunting]

- [slurps]

- [grunting]

About halfway there.

[grunting]

Son of a bitch!

[elastic snaps]

[sighs] Okay.

[chuckles] Here we go.

How do I look? [chuckles]

- Uh, Beavis?

- Pretty sexy.

[chuckles] - Uh, Beavis?

[chuckles] - Yeah, I'd tap that.

Yeah--ooh. [chuckles]

- Uh, Beavis, it looks like you don't have any nads.

- What? What're you talking about?

- Or a schlong. [chuckles]

- No way, Butt-Head. My schlong is right--

[screams]

No, what happened to my nads? - [chuckles]

- I know they're in there 'cause these pants

are really making 'em hurt.

- Uh, you better take 'em off

before any chicks see you, Beavis.

That's embarrassing. - [grunting]

They won't come off, Butt-Head.

[grunts]

My wiener's going numb. [screaming]

- Just get ahold of yourself, Beavis.

Hold of yourself. [chuckles]

- I can't get 'em off. Ahh!

- [grunting] You gotta help me, Butt-Head.

These pants are cutting off oxygen to my schlong.

- Hmm, we need to find a place that sells schlong oxygen.

- No, we gotta find something to get 'em off

before my wiener dies.

Damn it. [grumbles]

- We just need to, like, oil 'em up,

and then they'll just slide right off.

Now just wait over there.

I'll be right back. [chuckles]

- Care to try our new olive oils from Tuscany?

- Okay, Beavis, I got you some oil,

and it has Tuscany in it.

- What's that?

- I don't know, but it'll grease you up good.

Open up your pants. [chuckles]

- It's not working, Butt-Head.

- That's 'cause you need some muscle, dumbass.

Hold on to that thing, and let a real man do this.

- Uh, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head, I'm starting to slip.

- Hold on, dumbass.

- I can't. - Almost got it.

- No, Butt-Head.

No, no, no--oh, no!

Ahh!

[screaming]

- [chuckles] That was cool.

[chuckles]

- [grunts]

I can't get up, Butt-Head.

Ow, ah. [grunting]

It just keeps going down.

- Uh, don't worry, Beavis. I'm gonna go get help.

- Ow. [grunting]

- Going down. [chuckles]

- Oh, yeah. [grunting]

Eh, but really, Butt-Head, come on.

Ah, ow, ah.

- Uh, excuse me.

We need help and stuff.

- What's the problem?

- Uh, my friend has no nads.

[grunts] Ah, ow, ah, ow, ah!

- Uh, he says he doesn't know how to help you, Beavis.

- Damn it.

[grunting]

- Well, I'll see you at home.

- [screams] - Let me know how it turns out.

[chuckles] - Okay, see you later.

Damn it.

Ah, ow. Ah, ow.

[grunting]

Ah!

Damn it.

[snoring]

- Good morning. - Good morning.

[chuckles]

[snoring]

[coughs]

[snoring]

- Chirp.