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1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,004
- Jack, I've got a huge problem.
2
00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:05,589
The TGS sweatshirts were
3
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:08,258
supposed to say
"TGS season six, yuck,"
4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,550
which is a catch-phrase
from a pretty great sketch.
5
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,262
Yuck!
6
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,234
- But they got misprinted
and now they say,
7
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,016
"TGS season six, duck!"
8
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:17,768
And that's a season
five catchphrase.
9
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,853
- Duck!?
10
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,605
- Lemon, that is
not a real problem.
11
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,691
A real problem is
losing your giant scissors
12
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,319
right before a ribbon-cutting
for a couch factory.
13
00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:31,698
I just... Had them.
14
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,200
Oh, thank god.
15
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:35,661
I thought I'd lost
them. Today...
16
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,829
I want everything to be perfect.
17
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,121
I'm opening a factory.
18
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,749
And factories
provide three things
19
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,043
this country desperately needs:
20
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:46,505
Jobs, pride, and material
for Bruce Springsteen songs.
21
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,107
- Great, so we
solved your problem,
22
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,400
but now I've gotta wear
last year's sweatshirt
23
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,093
to my cousin's wedding.
24
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,929
- Oh, I'm so tired.
25
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:57,599
I was out all last night with
my new rock star boyfriend.
26
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,536
- Oh, I listened to rock
and roll music once,
27
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,062
but I stopped before I
started worshipping the devil.
28
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:05,065
The song went, "Mr.
Sandma... ", then I shut it off.
29
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:06,357
- Morning, Jenna.
30
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,651
- Oh, thanks.
31
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,736
Dating a musician is amazing.
32
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,739
This sexual walkabout I'm
on is really opening me up
33
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,866
to new experiences.
- What's new?
34
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,618
You've been with
tons of musicians.
35
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,012
Back in Chicago,
I walked in on you
36
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,871
with the guy from
blues traveler.
37
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,291
He still had his
harmonica thing on.
38
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,293
- Sure, I've dated
musicians before.
39
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,587
But I've never sexually
manipulated one
40
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,297
into leaving his band for me.
41
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,632
Like Yoko Ono and the Beatles,
42
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,135
or Lance Drake Mandrell
and Wilson Phillips.
43
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,263
My boyfriend's last album
went quadruple-platinum.
44
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:39,141
They sold out Madison
square garden in nine minutes,
45
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,976
for a Tuesday morning show.
46
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,853
- Wait, who plays on
a Tuesday morning?
47
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:46,481
- I don't know, just a little
band called the Woggels.
48
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,213
♪ Apples are red ♪
49
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,693
♪ bananas are yellow ♪
50
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:53,739
♪ I love my friends,
bananas are yellow ♪
51
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,425
My Russ is the Blue one.
52
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,577
- He's about to do
something amazing.
53
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,956
- Oh, I know the Woggels.
54
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,008
My eight-year-old niece
walked down the aisle
55
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,245
to that song at her wedding.
56
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,754
- Wait, you're trying to
break up a children's group?
57
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,446
- Well, it checks
off a lot of boxes
58
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,132
on my sexual walkabout list.
59
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:13,424
"Yoko a band,
60
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:16,178
"make love to a beloved
children's entertainer,
61
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,555
be with a non-aboriginal
Australian..."
62
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,033
- I thought the
whole point of this
63
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,701
was to see if someone could
make you happier than Paul.
64
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,119
I mean, if you're just
checking off boxes,
65
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,812
maybe you should get back
together before it's too late.
66
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,165
- What's that supposed to mean?
67
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,649
He's not replacing me.
68
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:29,980
We're having an adventure.
69
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,902
And I hope right now he is also
70
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,945
with a beloved
children's entertainer.
71
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,280
Maybe Raffi.
72
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:38,742
Or the sedated prisoner
they put inside of Barney.
73
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,178
- Something terrible
has happened!
74
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,536
And for once I'm
not talking about
75
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:46,166
the collapse of
the middle class.
76
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:47,626
It's my family.
77
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,838
My oldest son, George
foreman, got into Stanford,
78
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,088
and he's planning to attend.
79
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,380
- Tracy, that's awesome.
Stanford's a great school.
80
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,801
I didn't even get in, and
I was first in my class.
81
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,893
Although, only seven
of us graduated that year
82
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,554
because of a bad
mono outbreak which
83
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,849
somehow missed me,
despite all the frenching I did.
84
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,226
- You don't understand.
85
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,395
Jordan men don't go to college.
86
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,689
We go to the school
of hard knocks,
87
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,420
a one-year vocational program
where you learn to bang on doors
88
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,527
and scare people into
subscribing to magazines
89
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,445
that they'll never get.
- Mr. Jordan,
90
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,322
you should be proud.
- Proud?
91
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,116
My son's a nerd!
92
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:19,741
- Tracy, in the real world,
93
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,868
you need a college
degree to succeed.
94
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,160
- Really, Dotcom?
95
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:24,892
How did your city
council campaign go?
96
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,475
- Well, as far as raising the
level of discourse in this city?
97
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,835
I'd say it was a great success.
98
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,795
- This is Angie's
fault! She coddled him.
99
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,007
I'm gonna teach my son
what it is to be a Jordan.
100
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,425
And I'm gonna die trying!
101
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:45,559
♪ ♪
102
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,074
- Yes?
103
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,284
- Mr. Donaghy.
104
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,828
This is Dr. Pravin Singh.
105
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,120
I performed your mother's
heart surgery last month.
106
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,929
- No, you must have
the wrong Mr. Donaghy.
107
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,542
My mother didn't
have heart surgery.
108
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,834
- Colleen Donaghy.
109
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:15,630
Born April 24, 1925, at
Boston catholic guilt hospital.
110
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,132
She keeps calling me Aladdin.
111
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,424
- That's definitely her.
112
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,948
- Well, she's
recovering very nicely,
113
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,928
but we don't have
anyone to release her to.
114
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,031
We found your name on
a list of disappointments
115
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:25,474
she keeps folded up in her shoe.
116
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,368
- Well, doctor, I can't
come to the hospital
117
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,392
to bring my mother home.
118
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:29,811
I'm in New York, not Florida.
119
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,423
- Mr. Donaghy, I'm calling
you from Cornell medical center.
120
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,149
- My mother's in New York?
121
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,943
- Dr. Singh, are you
stealing my hats?
122
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,237
What do you do, feed
them to your cow god?
123
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,739
- Mother, what are you doing?
124
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,783
- Who told you to call my son?
125
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,285
- Oh, please, you
wanted him to call.
126
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:48,580
Somehow, you knew I was
opening a sofa factory today.
127
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,540
Could we just...
- Ooh, sofa.
128
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,959
Somebody got all flouncy
when I wasn't looking.
129
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,931
What are you gonna
do, put on your galoshes
130
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,130
and go eat some
fruit, like a frenchman?
131
00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,926
- Fruit is part of a balanced
diet, you miserable harridan.
132
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:04,221
Good god! You've ruined every
significant moment in my life.
133
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:05,222
And now,
134
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,599
you've ruined this.
- Jack, for god's sake,
135
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,726
there's only one reason
I came to New York,
136
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,938
and that's because Gunga
Din here takes my insurance.
137
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,832
- So you were planning
on never telling me
138
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,056
you were having heart surgery?
139
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,376
- Look, I do have
other patients.
140
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,069
- Yes, I'm sure you do.
141
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,947
- Oh.
142
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,657
Yes, I know it's over, kouchie.
143
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,952
Unlike you, I have eyes.
144
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,098
♪ Tugboat captain lollipops ♪
145
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,207
♪ silly dinosaurs ♪
146
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,794
♪ this is just a list of things
now let's list some more ♪
147
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,086
♪ a pogo stick ♪
148
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,880
♪ a hot air balloon ♪
149
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,132
♪ a hat that's full of soup ♪
150
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,010
♪ another pogo stick ♪
151
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,304
Yeah! All right!
152
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,305
- Okay, all right.
153
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:48,741
Where do you think you're going?
154
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:49,933
- I'm with Russ, Ian.
155
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,309
What?
156
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,187
You afraid my sexuality
might tear this band apart?
157
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:55,522
- Listen here, Jenna.
158
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:56,982
We're the Woggels.
159
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,192
Nothing can tear us apart...
160
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:04,281
Except for the shark that
got a hold of the fifth Woggel.
161
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,117
♪ Basketballs hula hoops
rollercoaster loop-the-loops ♪
162
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,827
♪ you just heard
the Woggels sing ♪
163
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,453
♪ a very silly list of things ♪
164
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,831
Woggel power!
165
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,458
- So to help your mother's
weakened heart continue to beat,
166
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,377
we implanted an "LVAD" device.
167
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:18,813
- Yes, I'm familiar with that.
168
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,197
My good friend
dick Cheney got one.
169
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,299
A month later, he and I
went hunting in Mexico.
170
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,759
He shot thousands
of doves that day
171
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,720
and only hit me in the leg once.
172
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,347
- So, you know that it runs
on rechargeable batteries?
173
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,975
- Like the flashlight in my
race war preparedness bag.
174
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,518
- Mrs. Donaghy,
175
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,896
the fact that you didn't
call your son is worrisome.
176
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,331
- What good would he have been?
177
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,024
He's useless in a hospital.
178
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,484
I recall this one time
179
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,069
he cried and cried.
180
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,946
I mean, it was
more like wailing.
181
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,656
It was awful.
182
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,617
- She's referring to my birth.
183
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,469
- Look, I know this
is a lot to process,
184
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,954
so I'll leave you
two alone to talk.
185
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,789
- About what?
186
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,005
Can you believe this is
the best room they have?
187
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,049
This is supposed
to be a hospital,
188
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,760
not a Japanese internment camp
189
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,763
I volunteered at during the war.
190
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:10,764
- Well, if you're not happy here
191
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,158
I could put you up at the Plaza.
192
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:12,807
You could look out at the park
193
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,644
and watch carriage
horses being whipped.
194
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:16,978
I know how you love that.
195
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,272
- I can't go to the
Plaza, and you know it.
196
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,857
What if I run into Eloise?
197
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,985
Am I supposed not
to mention the fact
198
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,988
that she has a gay grandson?
199
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,490
Everybody knows!
200
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,217
- Well, then, of course
I'd love to have you stay
201
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,660
with me and Liddy.
- Liddy?
202
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,245
Why couldn't you name
the baby after my mother?
203
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,789
- Because at Ellis island,
204
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:42,087
your mother's name was recorded
as "unclaimed Irish stowaway."
205
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,546
- Son,
206
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:44,899
we have a lot of
work to do today
207
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,841
if I'm gonna
"reverse Urkel" you.
208
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,259
- Dad, I just want to read.
209
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,970
- Jordan men don't read.
210
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,264
Grizz, tear this book in half.
211
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,849
Son, I'm gonna show you
212
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,143
how a real Jordan
man enjoys himself.
213
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,645
It's montage time.
214
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,606
- Tray, montage got
married and quit stripping.
215
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,658
- Fine, we'll just do
a series of activities.
216
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,170
- ♪ Gonna build a daydream ♪
- ♪ uh-huh ♪
217
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,779
- ♪ from a little hope ♪
- ♪ uh-huh ♪
218
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,948
- ♪ gonna push that daydream ♪
- ♪ uh-huh ♪
219
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,117
- ♪ up a mountain slope ♪
- ♪ uh-huh ♪
220
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,129
- ♪ gonna build a daydream ♪
- ♪ yeah yeah ♪
221
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,121
- ♪ gonna see it through ♪
- ♪ yeah yeah ♪
222
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,373
- ♪ gonna build a
mountain and a daydream ♪
223
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,809
♪ gonna make 'em
both come true ♪
224
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,918
- ♪ yeah yeah ♪
- ♪ gonna build a heaven ♪
225
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,879
♪ from a little hell ♪
- ♪ little hell ♪
226
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,257
- ♪ gonna build a heaven ♪
227
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,384
♪ and I know darn well ♪
- ♪ darn well ♪
228
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,396
- ♪ if I build my mountain ♪
- ♪ yeah yeah ♪
229
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,513
- ♪ with a lot of care ♪
- ♪ yeah yeah ♪
230
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,366
- ♪ and take my daydream
up the mountain ♪
231
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,351
♪ heaven will be waiting there ♪
232
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,563
- ♪ gonna build a mountain
gonna build it high ♪
233
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,690
♪ I don't know how
I'm gonna do it ♪
234
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:46,067
♪ I only know I'm gonna try ♪
235
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,862
- Well, Colleen ruined
the ribbon-cutting.
236
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,947
She's in New York.
She's been here for weeks,
237
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,782
recovering from heart surgery.
238
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,117
- Oh, my god, is she okay?
239
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:55,409
- She's fine.
240
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,495
They gave her the same
heart pump dick Cheney had.
241
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,140
Next thing you know,
they'll be giving her
242
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,624
his retractable wings
and rocket arms.
243
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,043
She's going to Bury us all.
244
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,045
- Jack, your mom's 87.
245
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:07,464
Do you think maybe she
had the surgery in New York
246
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:11,509
to be close to you, so you guys
could, you know, have the talk?
247
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,801
- "The talk"?
248
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,889
Lemon, my mother did explain
sex to me, three years ago.
249
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,974
There were... Drawings.
250
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,477
- No, I mean, the talk.
251
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:21,969
Your mom's heart doesn't work.
252
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,620
You need to sit down
and say how you feel
253
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,774
so you don't have any regrets.
254
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,984
I've done it, Jack,
and it isn't easy,
255
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,652
but it's very rewarding.
256
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,572
You talk in your sleep.
257
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,240
I know what you did in the war,
258
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,660
and before you die, I want
you to know that I know.
259
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,829
I know you donaghys
think you're so tough,
260
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,182
but Colleen is here
because she's trying
261
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,499
to reach out to you.
262
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,584
Just get in the
same room with her,
263
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,836
and the talk will happen.
264
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,880
I guar-on-tee.
265
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,332
I don't know why I said that.
266
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:51,948
This is such a
serious conversation.
267
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,218
I'm sorry.
268
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,969
- Uh, Lemon, I assure you,
269
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,472
my mother is not in New
York to spend time with me.
270
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,283
She already wants
to leave my apartment
271
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,142
because Liddy is
"giving her the stink eye."
272
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:06,856
As soon as she feels up to it,
273
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,025
she is going back to Florida.
274
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,069
There was no need
for us to start jabbering
275
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,987
about our feelings and sobbing
276
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,073
like bill belichick
listening to Adele.
277
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:15,990
- Okay, fine.
278
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,034
But you and your mom...
- Nope.
279
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,386
- As my coffee cup
said this morning,
280
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,579
"you only regret the
things you didn't do.
281
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,671
This cup was made
from recycled toilet paper."
282
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:26,060
Don't let Colleen leave without
saying what you need to say.
283
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,084
- Last word.
- Damn it!
284
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:36,970
- ♪ I'm a kangaroo,
I'm a kangaroo ♪
285
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,473
♪ loot da doo da doo ♪
- what is that?
286
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,225
- Oh, it's nothing.
287
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,117
It's just a song I've
been fiddling with.
288
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,349
Or, as we say in Australia,
289
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,813
a song I've been
fiddling wazzle.
290
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,857
- It's good.
291
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,150
It's really good.
292
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:51,818
And this is coming from someone
293
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,320
Quincy Jones once
pushed off a boat.
294
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:58,158
So, why does Ian
write all the songs?
295
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,160
He's just keeping you down,
296
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:04,289
because he knows you're
the real genius of the Woggels.
297
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,039
- Really?
298
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,332
Do you think so, Jenna?
299
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,793
- It doesn't matter
what this brain thinks.
300
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:13,882
It matters what
this brain thinks.
301
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,156
- Lemon, there you are.
- Good morning, Jack.
302
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,181
Did you talk to Colleen?
303
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,933
If you're ordering me an edible
arrangement to say thanks,
304
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,225
I'd prefer a meat one.
305
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,895
- Yes, Colleen and I did talk.
306
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,647
Specifically, she said a
car was circling the block,
307
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,816
"casing the house."
308
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,428
I tried to explain that those
were all different taxi cabs,
309
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,881
and she said, "then why is the
same man driving all of them,"
310
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,323
and insisted on leaving.
311
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,824
She won't go to a hotel,
312
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,135
and she hates
the Princeton club,
313
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,439
because Dean
Cain is always there
314
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,954
hoping to get recognized.
315
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,086
I tried to leave her at
the "bodies" exhibit...
316
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,559
- god, that is all
just a smoke screen.
317
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,628
She's acting out because she
wants to have the conversation,
318
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,160
and you won't meet her halfway.
319
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,048
- I decided something last night
320
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,925
after I got your
tenth text message,
321
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,052
one of which was an
inscrutable emoticon.
322
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,344
- Hold it sideways,
323
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:01,554
it's me going like this:
324
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,014
"Talk to your mother!"
325
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,433
The "8" is my glasses.
326
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,852
- Yes, someday, my
mother is going to die,
327
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,854
and we're going to
deal with it our way.
328
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,186
- Well, your way is wrong,
329
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:14,651
and I bet Colleen
agrees with me.
330
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,778
- I'm glad you said that, Lemon.
331
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,572
Good luck.
332
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,115
- Ah, Elizabeth.
333
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,119
Can we do something about
the temperature in here?
334
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,788
I'd like it humid and cold.
335
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,080
Duck?
336
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,086
- Yoko announcement.
337
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,046
Russ wrote a song.
338
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:36,422
A great song.
339
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,274
And if you don't sing
it at the gwammys,
340
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:41,344
which is the grammys for
toddlers, Russ is going solo.
341
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,430
- Russ, I write the songs
here, so you have to choose.
342
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,100
Her, or us?
343
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,059
Come on, mate, Woggel power.
344
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,603
- In Australia,
"Woggel" means "white."
345
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:51,895
- Hm.
346
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,106
Let's get out of here.
347
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,942
I want to lick that
turtleneck off of you.
348
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,236
- Yeah. Come on, Jenna.
349
00:12:58,528 --> 00:12:59,612
- Fine, leave.
350
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:00,280
We'll just replace you.
351
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,323
Anyone can be replaced.
352
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,615
Especially girlfriends.
353
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,702
- No, you don't know
what you're talking about.
354
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:06,411
Paul isn't gonna...
355
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:09,289
I mean, Russ.
356
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,624
Paul is American for Russ.
357
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,835
- Oh.
358
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:21,301
Ugh, Dean Cain.
359
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,094
- You know what?
360
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,263
I'm glad Jack put you in here.
361
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:29,058
Because I think we
need to talk, about talking.
362
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,510
- What's the matter with you?
363
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:31,978
Are you on drugs or something?
364
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,070
- Don't you think, at
a certain point in life,
365
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,650
parents and children should sit
down and express their feelings
366
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,068
before it's too late?
367
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,695
- God on a wheel!
368
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,697
Jackie and I know how we feel.
369
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:46,617
We don't have to say it out
loud like a couple of gays
370
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:50,538
getting married in Jean
shorts in provincetown
371
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,292
while I'm just trying to enjoy
an ice cream on the pier!
372
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,064
- Okay, fine. If I
can't convince you,
373
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,380
maybe you'll listen to the
words of Mike and the mechanics,
374
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:04,677
whose song the living
years I definitely remember.
375
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,555
"Say it out, speak it clear."
376
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,975
"You should listen,
dude. Also, hear."
377
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,895
"It's too late, when..."
378
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,706
You have two minutes
379
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:19,776
to find that
battery before I die.
380
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,699
- You guys do not like talking!
381
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,618
- Great news, everyone!
382
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,079
George foreman is
not going to Stanford.
383
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,040
He's decided to permanently
join the entourage.
384
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:35,917
- I'll start the paperwork.
385
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,919
- Wait, he's not
going to college?
386
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,571
- Look, yesterday was the
first time I've ever spent the day
387
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,382
with my dad like that, and...
388
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,425
I just want to keep doing it.
389
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,385
- You need to
take him to security.
390
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:46,862
It takes a week to get an I.D.
391
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,221
- Tony will rush it for me.
392
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,640
We do zumba together.
393
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:56,104
My son is 17.
394
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,980
Have I really never
spent a day with him
395
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,274
doing father and son stuff?
396
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,610
Like teaching him
how to ride a bike...
397
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,904
Down the Luxor pyramid.
398
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,489
Or drive a car...
399
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,742
Vel franchise into the ground.
400
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:13,079
I never even taught
him how to shave...
401
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:14,372
An orangutan.
402
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,999
- Well, sir...
403
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,293
That doesn't mean
you're a bad father.
404
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,585
- Yes, it does.
405
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,339
I haven't been there
for him since day one.
406
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:26,634
Hey, Angie.
407
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:27,926
What's up?
408
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,303
You had the baby?
409
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,597
Okay. Name him George foreman.
410
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,683
And also, we're
out of soda at home.
411
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,327
- Lamont, hurry up
and deliver that baby
412
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,396
before they realize
we're not doctors.
413
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,481
But I'm finally
connecting with my son,
414
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,191
and he wants to be here.
415
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,110
I don't know what to do.
416
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,487
I wish I had a
father to talk to.
417
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,824
But Liz Lemon is the only person
I know who even has a father.
418
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,952
- Well, Mr. Jordan,
speaking from experience,
419
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:57,039
all my children...
Was cancelled.
420
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,459
As you can see, I'm out
of my wheelhouse here.
421
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,295
But, if you want to talk
about wheelhouses...
422
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,213
- Liz Lemon it is.
423
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:07,925
- ♪ I'm a little Joey
a baby kangaroo ♪
424
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,510
♪ jumped out of mommy's pouch ♪
425
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,138
♪ and now I don't
know what to do ♪
426
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:15,850
♪ I wanted to go walkabout,
around the world I roamed ♪
427
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,645
♪ but now the fun is over,
and I want to get back home ♪
428
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:23,524
♪ mommy kangaroo
mommy kangaroo ♪
429
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:27,403
♪ separate the races,
mommy kangaroo ♪
430
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:28,695
- Oh, god.
431
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,656
It's all been a
terrible mistake.
432
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,908
You don't just jump out of
the pouch and walk away
433
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,661
from something so good,
something that makes you happy.
434
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,872
- Wait.
435
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,975
Are you saying I should
go back to the Woggels?
436
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:40,625
- The what?
437
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:41,542
No.
438
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,420
That song, like
everything, is about me.
439
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:48,090
I'm the baby kangaroo
who went on the walkabout.
440
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,343
What have I done?
441
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,472
- My driver will take
you to the airport.
442
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,141
I'm glad you're feeling
well enough to travel.
443
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,310
- Jack, can we make
sure the pilot is a man.
444
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,162
I don't know, ever
since Amelia earhart,
445
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,189
I'm a little skittish
about lady pilots.
446
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,399
- Yes, mother,
captain Chuck cutler.
447
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,771
I'm told he has a mustache.
448
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,069
- Mm, good.
- Good-bye, mother.
449
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,570
- I know it won't be welcome,
450
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,823
but I will point out that this
is your final "talk-portunity."
451
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,801
- Not another word, Lemon.
- Sew up your cabbage hole,
452
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:15,243
girl.
453
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,015
- Lime to a Lemon,
you need to tell me
454
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,496
what to do about George foreman.
455
00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:21,874
- Liz, has this whole
walkabout thing been a mistake?
456
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,644
- Jenna made me forget about...
- What if I'm already too late?
457
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,853
- Why I came here, so I guess...
- What if Paul's actually...
458
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:25,896
- I'll just go to the beach.
- Replaced me?
459
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,589
- Both of you need
to stop right there.
460
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,275
If you are having a
problem with a loved one,
461
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:33,427
there is only one
thing you need to do.
462
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:34,719
Communicate!
463
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,223
Go to Paul, go to
George foreman.
464
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,226
And as difficult as it might be,
465
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,228
talk to them.
466
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,146
Before you lose them forever,
467
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,399
tell them how you feel.
468
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,484
Have the talk.
469
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:53,322
- George foreman first,
dinner break, then Paul.
470
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,614
- I'm sorry,
471
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,384
was that supposed
to be for our benefit?
472
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,616
Do you think we're idiots?
473
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:58,743
- If you were my kid,
474
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,746
I'd mail you back to the stork.
475
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:01,706
- She's not kidding.
476
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,878
When I was eight, she
took me to the post office
477
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,377
because I spilled juice on a
couch reserved for the pope,
478
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,838
which has still never been used.
479
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:09,797
- He'll come.
480
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,466
But I am sorry I
tried to mail you.
481
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,301
- I forgive you.
482
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,302
And I'm sorry about the juice,
483
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,512
which you should
know was actually wine.
484
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,848
- I forgive you, too.
485
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,475
You know, you've always
been my favorite child.
486
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:22,810
- Thank you.
487
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,382
- You never gave me any trouble.
488
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,980
You always ate your vegetables,
489
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,272
you went to church,
490
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,191
and you loved breast feeding.
491
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,277
- I just wanted to
make you proud of me.
492
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,070
That's all I ever wanted.
493
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,002
If I've ever had any
success in this life,
494
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,198
it's because of you.
495
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:37,490
- Oh.
496
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,495
- I made this happen!
497
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,957
Not a part of this, I get it.
498
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,249
But I made this happen!
499
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,337
I made this happen.
500
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:51,964
- Son, this isn't
easy for me to say,
501
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,091
because my tongue
caught what my foot has.
502
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,676
But I need to say it.
503
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,303
You should do
what's best for you.
504
00:18:57,595 --> 00:19:00,348
- Look, I want to
go to college, but...
505
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,640
I love you, dad.
506
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,451
- And I'm gonna love
you no matter what.
507
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,561
Even if you become
a doctor, or a lawyer,
508
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,564
or a philanthropist who
devotes his life to others.
509
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,983
I'll still be proud of you.
510
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,195
Good-bye, my son.
511
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,739
- But dad, college doesn't
start for another five months.
512
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:19,241
- I said, good-bye, my son.
513
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,871
- Great. Now let's
go do my thing.
514
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,748
- Okay.
515
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,879
♪ ♪
516
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,171
Oh, god.
517
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:36,967
He's dressed like her.
518
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,428
I'm too late.
519
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,349
I've been replaced.
520
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,398
Kouchie?
521
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,658
- Look on the Bright side.
522
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:05,579
My thing went perfectly.
523
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,290
- I have something for you.
524
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,126
It's not much,
525
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:13,421
but I thought maybe you
could put it in Liddy's room.
526
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,715
- Oh.
527
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,299
Oh.
528
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:18,968
This was your mother's.
529
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:23,264
- Well, I know, but I wanted
to make sure you got it.
530
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,556
- Hang on.
531
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,642
If your plan was
to have surgery,
532
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,645
then go back to Florida
without ever seeing me,
533
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,272
why did you bring this with you?
534
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,525
- What is this, the
Spanish inquisition?
535
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,485
- Oh, you'd know.
You lived through it.
536
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,405
Oh.
537
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,911
Get... off. Ow!
538
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,872
Get off...
- I did this!
539
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:53,878
All: ♪ feelings feelings
feelings say how you feel ♪
540
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,046
- ♪ apples ♪
- ♪ you taste good ♪
541
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,424
- ♪ trees ♪
- ♪ you give us wood ♪
542
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,593
- ♪ grandma ♪
- ♪ I am gay ♪
543
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:01,885
- ♪ bridge ♪
544
00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:03,280
- ♪ you turn me on
in a sexual way ♪
545
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,389
- ♪ spaghetti ♪
- ♪ you're my favorite food ♪
546
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,841
- ♪ a dog in sunglasses ♪
- ♪ you're a real cool dude ♪
547
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,244
- ♪ police ♪
- ♪ I killed a man ♪
548
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,561
- ♪ son ♪
- ♪ your father's Dan ♪
549
00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,354
- ♪ wife ♪
- ♪ I've been to a whore ♪
550
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:16,776
All: ♪ feelings feelings
feelings say how you feel ♪
551
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,445
- ♪ twin ♪
- ♪ get back in your cage ♪
552
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,864
- ♪ teacher ♪
- ♪ put your penis away ♪
553
00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:25,034
- ♪ moon ♪
- ♪ you turn me into a wolf ♪
40838
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