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1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,546
- Here are all my receipts.
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,173
- Look, I don't need these, Liz.
3
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,217
Your tax return is
the same every year.
4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:08,926
- Actually, I'll have you know
5
00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,887
that this has been a
year of change, Howard.
6
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,639
I joined an over-40 dance team,
7
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,371
I started eating the lettuce on
my plate under my onion rings,
8
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,728
and I have taken up meditation
thanks to my boyfriend Criss.
9
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,524
- Yeah, do you remember
what you said to me last year?
10
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,401
- This has been a year
of change, Howard.
11
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,987
I'm actually eating the
onion part of my onion rings,
12
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,573
I started journaling thanks
to my exciting relationship
13
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,492
with Carol, who is a man.
14
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,245
Although we have done
nothing that lesbians could not do.
15
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,120
- Uh-huh.
16
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,681
Do you remember what
you said to me last year?
17
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,624
- I bought a
restaurant-grade onion ringer,
18
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,709
and I'm having a go at cycling,
19
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,587
thanks to my boyfriend
Wesley, whom I hate.
20
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,589
Have I never
washed this sweater?
21
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,776
- Look, there's nothing
wrong with being predictable.
22
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,600
Every morning I get up
and come to this office
23
00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,178
while my wife cheats
on me with Jared.
24
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:54,470
- Well, you're wrong.
25
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,348
I bought a meditation
stool, and...
26
00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,102
Both: This year's
gonna be different.
27
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:06,567
Jack, am I just in
a permanent rut?
28
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,211
- I don't have time for
your nonsense, Lemon.
29
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:08,735
I'm working.
30
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,088
I know this doesn't
look like work,
31
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,072
but are you familiar
with the shower principle?
32
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:13,031
- I remember Mrs. Doyle
33
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,551
pulling me aside
to talk about it
34
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,784
in the seventh grade.
- Uh, no.
35
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,836
The shower principle
is a term scientists use
36
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,247
to describe moments
of inspiration that occur
37
00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,600
when the brain is distracted
from the problem at hand.
38
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,626
For example, when
you're showering.
39
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,521
- I was in the shower
when I finally got the title
40
00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:27,545
of the movie face off.
41
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,339
Face off, face off.
42
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:30,799
- Exactly.
43
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,801
If the cerebral
cortex is distracted,
44
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,386
by showering or putting,
45
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,096
then another part of the brain,
46
00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:39,057
the anterior superior
temporal gyrus is activated.
47
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:43,103
This is the site of sudden
cognitive inspiration.
48
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,063
Nerd alert, nerd alert.
49
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,610
- The problem at
hand is this man,
50
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:50,986
my boss, Hank Hooper.
51
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,529
- Kabletown has grown a lot
52
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,490
over the years, but it's
still a family company
53
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,118
with a very simple goal...
54
00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,410
To entertain folks.
55
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,954
That's all people want.
56
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,123
To sit on their sofas...
57
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:04,708
Oh, why am I putting on airs?
58
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,168
To sit on their couches,
59
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,211
and hear stories. Here's one.
60
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,005
1968.
61
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,549
We were on patrol somewhere
near the Cambodian border.
62
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,427
- Uh, we can skip this part.
63
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:16,928
- So we boiled the skull,
64
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,555
and made a tea kettle out of it.
65
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:24,269
My point is, I believe that
slow and steady wins the race.
66
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,980
We don't take risks.
We make profits.
67
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,984
So now, let's get this
dog fashion show started!
68
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,862
"Everyone hide your bones."
69
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,366
"Dogbeard the pirate just
sailed into woof harbor."
70
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:38,658
- Ugh.
71
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,136
You know what else Hank
announced at that meeting?
72
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,160
Record profits.
73
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,970
- Really? Can we
start getting real soda?
74
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,499
Because I think corka-coola
brand diet banana lime
75
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,209
causes "tum nungnuss."
- No.
76
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,621
And do you know what Hank
wants to do with that money?
77
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,129
Pay a shareholder dividend.
78
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,675
Meanwhile, the Kabletown
blimp is in such disrepair,
79
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:58,136
we got a "jeers" in
corporate blimps weekly.
80
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,555
I want to use that money
to transform this company,
81
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,808
but first I have to
convince Hank Hooper,
82
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,811
a white man who
still buys Cadillacs.
83
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,106
I just need the right idea.
84
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:11,608
- Do you think a year ago today
85
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,777
we were having this
same conversation?
86
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,171
Because it sure feels like it.
87
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:15,696
- Probably.
88
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,531
And knowing you,
as you were leaving
89
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,908
you did something
comically undignified.
90
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,661
- Well, not this time, friend.
91
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,747
Whoa, golf balls!
- Lemon!
92
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:45,600
♪ ♪
93
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,827
- Why is all the healthy
food on the top shelf today?
94
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,328
- Cut it out, you perverts.
95
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,620
I know what you're doing.
96
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,165
It's the first warm
day of the year,
97
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,601
and women are starting to
take off their winter clothes...
98
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:11,960
- good morning!
99
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,837
Eyes down here, boys.
100
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,547
I have breasts, you know.
101
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,506
- Nope, Hazel.
102
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:17,382
Button up.
103
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,301
Cerie, put on one
of my soup ponchos.
104
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,844
This happens every spring,
105
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,856
and it makes Jenna
feel threatened, and old,
106
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,053
and she takes it out on me
107
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:24,931
and the show.
108
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,559
Every year she...
109
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,227
Every year.
110
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:34,316
The same thing
happens every year.
111
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,444
- Take a picture,
it'll last longer.
112
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,237
Here you go.
113
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,911
Hey, Liz, at 11:00 we have...
114
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,323
- our annual budget meeting.
115
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,164
You know what I
did a year ago today?
116
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,416
Met with my accountant,
went up to see Jack,
117
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,460
told Cerie to cover herself up.
118
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:54,795
- Yeah, stop doing that.
119
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,380
Paula canceled my
subscription to shape magazine.
120
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,066
Why do you have to
take Cerie away too?
121
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,151
- 'Cause Jenna's
gonna freak out,
122
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,335
and she'll take it out on me.
123
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:02,511
Last year,
124
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,764
Jenna accused me
of trying to destroy her
125
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,600
because her lines didn't
have any "k" sounds,
126
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,412
which she thinks is
the funniest sound.
127
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,228
- Oh, my god.
128
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,854
My cousin Karl crashed his car,
129
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,906
and now he's in a coma
at the Kendall clinic.
130
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,274
Well...
131
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,326
- Look, you don't know
what Jenna's gonna do.
132
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,903
- Yeah, I do. It's in the book,
133
00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,955
and the book has been
right about everything.
134
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,365
It can see the future.
135
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,366
- Well, hang on.
136
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,200
If all of your problems
are in the book,
137
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,993
aren't the solutions
in there too?
138
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,495
- Well, we'll see.
139
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:32,123
Last year, Jenna didn't
come to her senses till I...
140
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:35,919
It's all here. This is
how I break the cycle.
141
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:40,882
Today, I prove the universe,
and my accountant, wrong.
142
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,510
Oh, and, Pete,
143
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,679
don't try to force a
nickname this year.
144
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,448
- But I just bought
a letterman jacket
145
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,267
with "the German"
embroidered on it.
146
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,199
It's not refundable
if you personalize it!
147
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,356
- Jenna?
148
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:57,959
I know you're gonna
freak out today.
149
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,168
- You're trying to destroy me.
150
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,735
I refuse to be in that sketch.
151
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:01,695
- The Macbeth sketch?
152
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,196
- Shh, stop it.
153
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,282
You never say that
name in the theater.
154
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,283
It is curs-ed.
155
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,635
- Jenna, that's
just a superstition.
156
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:09,536
- Elizabeth, I was trained
157
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,746
in Stage acting and
game show pointing
158
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,332
at the royal tampa
academy of dramatic tricks.
159
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,835
Where I studied
theater superstition,
160
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,212
under professor
Duane "crawfish" Kenny.
161
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,344
I'm not doing a sketch
about the Scottish play.
162
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,650
- Yeah, but this isn't Macbeth.
163
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:25,427
It's a timely satire of Macbeth,
164
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,512
where mayor
McCheese and his wife,
165
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,973
an ambitious pickle,
murder King Ronald.
166
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,309
- Liz, I don't need
any more bad luck.
167
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:33,995
Do you know how many
mirrors I've smashed
168
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,859
just thinking it was a
blonde woman mocking me?
169
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,316
- Okay, fine. Like
last year I will...
170
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:40,608
Just ask Cerie to do it.
171
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,152
- Sure, I'll do it.
172
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,462
I just have to be out
in time for my band
173
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,486
to be on letterman.
174
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,993
- Perfect. Now everyone's happy.
175
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,665
That Jenna sure
is a handful, huh?
176
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:56,958
- Hazel, damn it!
177
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,603
- I know she takes
you for granted.
178
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,378
But I don't.
179
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,839
Say, I bought a groupon
for a couples' massage
180
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,342
at a resort in the catskills
where henny youngman
181
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:06,843
used to take his mistresses.
182
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,135
What do you say?
183
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,263
- No. But if you
want to help me,
184
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,681
just keep an eye on Jenna.
185
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:12,557
I know she's gonna cave,
186
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,435
I just want to make sure she
doesn't do anything crazy first.
187
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,979
- As the doctor said to
me after my hepatitis test,
188
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,691
"you got it, sweetheart."
189
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,401
- Banks will provide...
190
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,277
- Hey, tray.
191
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,569
- Hold up, double "I".
192
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:26,975
I just want to clear this level.
193
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,573
- To navigate the
mortgage mess...
194
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,033
- Tracy, that's the news.
195
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,725
- It's the only way
we can watch it.
196
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,829
- Coming up next, how safe
is your building's elevator?
197
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,831
- Yes! A thousand points!
198
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,416
- Sure.
199
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,252
Tracy, I know you insist
on doing your own taxes
200
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:42,128
for some reason.
201
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,620
- I don't trust my accountant.
202
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,799
I think he's lying to
me about being Jewish.
203
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,343
I step on more wine
glasses than he does.
204
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,262
- Well, last year on
this date, you flipped out
205
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,223
because you didn't
know it was the 14th.
206
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,517
So, this is an early warning...
- Wait, hold up.
207
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,477
I didn't even know it was April.
208
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:58,770
I was gonna tell Dot Com
209
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,147
I loved his novel as
an April fool's joke.
210
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,441
This is all hands on deck!
211
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:08,863
K-9, form of desk.
212
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,532
Get the receipts out.
213
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,104
This big one's
for your sneakers.
214
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,619
- Yes, do your taxes, yes.
215
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,919
- Why do you look so weird?
216
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,046
Have I never seen
you carry a bag before?
217
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,098
I went and took a
shower at the racquet club,
218
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:31,094
where I saw Lou dobbs
step on his own testicles.
219
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:32,386
It was horrifying.
220
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,222
- Still trying to get
the ol' jumper cables
221
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,058
on the tires of
your brain muffler?
222
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,059
I don't know cars.
223
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,145
- I get ten minutes with
Hank Hooper tonight.
224
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,896
Ten minutes to convince him
225
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,149
to change his company forever.
226
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,561
This is a crossroads, Lemon.
227
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,405
You know what I miss about G.E.?
228
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,417
The factories. The
sight of work being done,
229
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:53,950
of things being made.
230
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,910
The deafening
noise of machinery.
231
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,912
You have to talk like this!
232
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,789
You can only say
what's essential!
233
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,584
And you get to point at things!
234
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:03,543
- Okay, well I, for one,
235
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:04,878
am crushing it today.
236
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,047
I pre-solved my Tracy
and Jenna problems,
237
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,382
my budget meeting with
Pete took three seconds,
238
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:13,470
and I got this meditation
candle for 80% off.
239
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,889
"Summer horse grave"?
240
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,324
- Did you say meditation candle?
241
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,100
Lemon, are you
planning to meditate?
242
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,472
- Yeah. I bought a meditation
stool, I have a mantra.
243
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,644
- You have a mantra?
244
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,980
What is it?
245
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,499
- You're not supposed to tell
anybody what your mantra is.
246
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,733
- Oh, come on.
247
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,235
Meditation is a waste of
time, like learning French,
248
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,322
or kissing after sex.
249
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:33,823
- There you are, lemonade.
250
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,755
- Distract her with
your craziness, Tracy.
251
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,219
Otherwise she's
going to meditate.
252
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,563
- I don't have
time for that, J.D.
253
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,372
I have to go to
Alaska immediately.
254
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,082
- Alaska, what are
you talking about?
255
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,500
- Well, Ms. Lemon,
256
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,878
Mr. Jordan had a lot more
income this year than he anticipated,
257
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,339
thanks to his frequent
scratch-off lotto victories,
258
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,108
finding all that
treasure on the island
259
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,258
he owns in the Caribbean,
260
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:53,968
- quite an adventure.
261
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,780
- And designing Kate
Middleton's wedding gown.
262
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:56,804
- She was wonderful.
263
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,557
Collaborative, fun,
and a little dangerous.
264
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,768
- Okay, so you have to
go to Alaska because...
265
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,260
- In order to pay my tax bill,
266
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,896
I had to sign on to do a movie,
267
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,272
five dog now five.
268
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,775
- Gibberish.
- No, that's just the confusing
269
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,528
title Disney gave the
fifth snow dogs movie.
270
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,363
The "s" s are fives.
271
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,490
- Running time, 26 minutes.
272
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,134
- Why do you need to do
a movie to pay your taxes?
273
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:17,867
You're loaded.
274
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,702
- I'm not liquid, Liz Lemon.
275
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,287
I'm completely solid.
276
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,290
I took all of my money and
put it in my pool and froze it.
277
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,042
- Nope, this isn't last year.
278
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:27,460
I am breaking the cycle.
279
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,920
I will deal with this later,
280
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,631
after I meditate.
281
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:32,966
- Cycle?
282
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,136
I forgot, I sponsored the dude
that won the tour de France.
283
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,930
Add another zero, Ken.
284
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,474
- "Out, out, damn
spot of mustard."
285
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,022
- This is the first time
I've ever liked this show.
286
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,899
It's so funny.
287
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,323
- There's a saying
in show business.
288
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,493
The show must go on.
289
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,805
And I couldn't go another
minute without being around
290
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,999
the greatest non-pornography
crew I've ever worked with.
291
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,834
- It feels so weird
being up here.
292
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,669
What if I get discovered?
293
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,838
♪ Amazing... ♪
294
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:17,135
- ♪ ...zing grace ♪
295
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,179
I don't care if this
production is cursed.
296
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,722
Like lady McCheese,
297
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,975
I will "screw my courage
to the sticking McNugget."
298
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:28,062
I will do the sketch.
299
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,606
Let me help you down, sweet.
300
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,774
Careful, don't stab yourself.
301
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,486
- Okay, let's take it from
grimace's family being murdered.
302
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,155
Jenna, look out!
303
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,409
- I could have been killed.
304
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,744
It's the curse!
305
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,579
Sorry.
306
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,372
Hard "k" sounds.
307
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:47,832
- Mm.
308
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:55,757
♪ ♪
309
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,553
- I'm going to Alaska!
Five now dog five!
310
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:01,846
Five now dog five!
311
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:02,680
- Everyone's trying
to destroy me.
312
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,350
Five now dog five!
Five now dog five!
313
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,802
- Budget meeting, "the germ."
314
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,728
Pam putch, car waiting
times, "the germ."
315
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,272
- Distractions begone!
316
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,566
Congratulations, Elizabeth.
317
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,735
You have achieved transcendence,
318
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,654
a state of pure inner peace,
319
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,824
where all pants have
built-in underwear.
320
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,744
You have reached a
plane of total enlightenment,
321
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,829
and you are realizing
that Jack was right,
322
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,998
meditation is a waste of time,
323
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:29,791
time you could have spent
324
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,835
reading that book he gave
you on business lunches,
325
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,463
buffett on buffets.
326
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,172
- But that doesn't make sense.
327
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,757
If I've achieved enlightenment,
328
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:38,758
how is this a waste of time?
329
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,803
- Let me answer your
question with a question.
330
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,598
Why don't you just shut
up and tell me your mantra?
331
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,684
Is it, "time to
make the donuts"?
332
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,269
What are you doing?
333
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,165
"Hank Hooper is coming, Lemon.
334
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,375
"I don't have time
for your nonsense.
335
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,584
"I'm always
criticizing your shoes,
336
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,110
but never offering solutions."
337
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,882
Don't you have a big idea you're
supposed to be coming up with?
338
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,823
- That's exactly
what I'm trying to do.
339
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,075
I realized something today.
340
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:07,120
Putting, showering,
they don't work for me.
341
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,539
Only you can stimulate
342
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:12,375
my anterior superior
temporal gyrus.
343
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,836
- Buy me a drink first. Ow.
344
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,462
- For the past six years,
345
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,674
nothing has been a better
distraction than rescuing you
346
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,927
from your various wrong
turns on the road of life.
347
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,971
- And I just don't
know what to do now.
348
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,264
I'm scared, Jack.
349
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,316
- Lemon, just get another
DVR in the bedroom,
350
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,019
and then you can record
all four shows at once.
351
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,187
I've got it.
352
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,232
Dump all the unsold
dishwashers into the ocean.
353
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,319
As it turns out, you
are my shower principle,
354
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,237
so shower me, Lemon.
355
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,905
Shower me in the inane waters
356
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,908
of television, food, and feet.
357
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,536
- You know what? Maybe
you should try meditating.
358
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,828
I am serious.
359
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,706
The whole point is
to clear your mind.
360
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,208
- Meditate, Lemon? I once
pantsed Deepak Chopra
361
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,740
while Craig T. Nelson taped it.
362
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:56,878
I don't meditate.
363
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:57,712
- Hey, Liz,
364
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:58,504
does your journal say
anything about Frank
365
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,674
trying to drink a
gallon of milk last year?
366
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:02,633
- It can't be done.
367
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:03,944
Oh, god, the carpet.
- Ugh!
368
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,429
Somebody hold my hair back.
369
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,098
- Oh, no!
370
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,600
My Johnny Choon.
371
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:11,892
- Are you all right?
372
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,644
I've seen people
killed with shoes,
373
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,271
but never like that.
374
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,874
- I can't believe
this is happening.
375
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,738
I was just using the
curse of the Scottish play
376
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,276
as an excuse to act out.
377
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,569
But it's real.
378
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,780
- Ugh, like I need
another curse.
379
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,616
Too busty.
380
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,911
- Ah!
- Oh!
381
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,762
- I'm running out of time.
382
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,436
Meditate perfectly.
383
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,357
- Jack, tell me what
to do about my...
384
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,318
Boyfriend! DVR! Feet!
385
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:06,197
Smash, mondays at
10:00! Female mustache.
386
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,075
My casserole's burning!
My casserole's burnt!
387
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,327
- Nut up, Donaghy, and meditate!
388
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,829
- Congratulations, Jack.
389
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,121
You have attained...
390
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,766
- shut up, I don't
have time for this.
391
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:16,791
Give me my inspiration.
392
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,876
- My god, you're
good at meditating.
393
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,928
The answer you seek
has been there all along.
394
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,212
It's right behind you.
395
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,255
Behind you.
396
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,966
Behind you, behind yo...
397
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,426
- I don't need an echo.
398
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:27,927
I heard you.
399
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:31,222
Meditation over!
400
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,558
Behind me.
401
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,435
Behind me.
402
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,812
I've got it!
403
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,917
- You know, when
you fell off that chair,
404
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:42,941
I saw up your skirt.
405
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:43,984
Nice.
406
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,736
Someone won the crotch jackpot.
407
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,157
- I need a drink.
408
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,284
Ah! My hand!
409
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,704
But I'm auditioning to play
senor Wences' wife tomorrow!
410
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,289
Ah, ah.
411
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:57,621
I can't take this anymore.
412
00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:01,586
This curse is ruining my life.
413
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:02,920
- No, it's not.
414
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:03,713
I am.
415
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,165
- What are you talking about?
416
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:09,177
- The light, your shoe,
the chair, your hand.
417
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,469
It was all me, Jenna.
418
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,054
- Wh... why would you do that?
419
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,682
- Because, I want to be
Liz Lemon's best friend.
420
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,934
I want to know her secrets,
421
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,812
sing motown together
into hairbrushes,
422
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,149
have a pair of vintage
Jordache jeans that we share.
423
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,235
But, love has enemies... You.
424
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,113
- So you tried to kill me?
- Of course not, silly.
425
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,116
I can't afford a third strike.
426
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,117
I just wanted to scare you off.
427
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:39,123
And I'll stop, if you
never speak to Liz again.
428
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,167
- Nice try, Hazel.
429
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,603
But you made the same mistake
430
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,378
Mickey Rourke made
on that catamaran.
431
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:48,466
You didn't kill me when
you had the chance.
432
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,403
- Can I get you anything, Hank?
433
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,012
Bottled water?
434
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,931
- I'm not fancy like that, Jack.
435
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,343
If I get thirsty, I'll just
drink the water from lunch
436
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,559
I saved in my cheek.
437
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,395
- I've got one word
for you, Hank...
438
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,772
Couches.
439
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,500
I've been thinking
about what you told
440
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,733
the investors the other day.
441
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,987
Kabletown fulfills our fellow
Americans' most American need...
442
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,989
To sit on a couch,
talking on the phone,
443
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,561
about a TV show
they're watching,
444
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,618
based on a YouTube clip.
445
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,495
- Is NBC developing a show
446
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,705
for that cat that
jumps in the boxes?
447
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,499
- No, that's, uh... yes!
448
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,334
Heh! As a matter
of fact, we are.
449
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:24,978
But my point is,
Kabletown controls
450
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,171
nearly every aspect
of that experience.
451
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,048
The phone, Internet,
TV, that's all us.
452
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:32,385
But, we don't control the couch.
453
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:35,054
Why are we outsourcing
the American dream, Hank?
454
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:38,015
Why are the couches our
customers sit on made in...
455
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,726
Oh, I don't know... Vietnam?
456
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,939
Taking my original buttocks
457
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,525
wasn't enough
for those bastards.
458
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,110
- Here's what I want to do
459
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,945
with our profits this quarter.
460
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,530
I want to make couches, Hank.
461
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:53,990
Kabletown couches.
462
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:55,700
American couches.
463
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,577
- Boy, I do love a
good couch, Jack.
464
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,663
You know, I'm like a
couch in a lot of ways.
465
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,749
I fell asleep at a Raymour
and Flanigan last week,
466
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,419
and a black family
tried to buy me.
467
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,839
Let's do it! Let's make
us some couches.
468
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,233
- You won't regret this, Hank.
469
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,092
- I only have three
regrets in my life, Jack.
470
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,053
Not buying the Phillies,
not marrying my wife sooner,
471
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,598
and not surprising you
any quicker with this hug.
472
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,100
- Ooh!
473
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:28,649
- Yup, same as last year.
474
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,295
- My situation has progressed
in an interesting way, Liz Lemon.
475
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:32,737
- I don't want to hear it.
476
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,299
- To solve my tax problem, I
called the treasury department
477
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,241
and told them I won't
pay my taxes until I see
478
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,993
your president's
birth certificate.
479
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,412
They told me if I did
that, they would arrest me.
480
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:42,704
Things got heated,
481
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,498
so I said I had a bomb.
482
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,500
- Hazel is trying to destroy me.
483
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,669
- Really? Now Hazel
is trying to destroy you?
484
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,422
- Jenna, do you know how
crazy you sound right now?
485
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:55,092
Liz and I, or "lazel," are
really worried about you.
486
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,720
- Oh, my god. Doesn't
matter what I do,
487
00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,388
nothing ever changes.
- Ms. Lemon,
488
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,280
I'm sorry to interrupt,
but I need to get
489
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,725
a recommendation from you
490
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:06,312
to reapply to the
NBC page program.
491
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,748
- We've already
done that, Kenneth.
492
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,023
We've done all of this!
493
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,233
All I wanted was
one shred of evidence
494
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,319
that my life is moving forward.
495
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,987
- Baby doll, what about me?
496
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,656
I'm new.
- Are you, Hazel?
497
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,187
You're just another weird page,
498
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,520
and I already have one of those.
499
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,951
- Aw, thank you.
500
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,523
- You people, you are the reason
501
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,539
my life is a stagnant,
monotonous hell!
502
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,458
- Oh, no, that reminds me.
503
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:31,420
My stand-up tour.
Add another zero, Ken.
504
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:36,550
- Jack? Why did
you invite me here?
505
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,470
Oh, you're gonna
murder me, aren't you?
506
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,639
Eh, it's okay.
- Up here, Lemon.
507
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,600
I haven't secured that
level from the rats yet.
508
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,222
- What the hell is this place?
509
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,318
- This is where I
remake Kabletown.
510
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,612
And where Americans,
and for cost reasons,
511
00:19:56,904 --> 00:20:00,658
quite a few "foreign
Americans," will make couches.
512
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:03,160
- To watch TV on.
513
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,013
Do I finally understand
vertical integration?
514
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,163
- Yes.
515
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:10,209
- Well, at least one of us
got out of their rut today.
516
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,043
- Eh!
517
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,295
Lemon, what are you doing?
518
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:16,382
I realized today that I
cannot do my job without you.
519
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,509
This is all because of you.
520
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,428
- You're admitting you need me,
521
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,346
and all my nonsense.
522
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,181
You haven't done that since...
523
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,309
You've never done that.
524
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,270
- I wanted a new G.E.
525
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,314
I got a couch
factory, but it's a start.
526
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,234
Baby steps, Lemon.
527
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,194
- To new beginnings.
- Lemon?
528
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:41,282
- The cycle is broken.
529
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,993
Jack, the rats have
my meditation stool.
530
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,745
Ah!
531
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:47,788
Help! Shoot it free!
532
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,332
Let her go, you bastard!
533
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,212
- Tomorrow, and
tomorrow, and tomorrow
534
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:58,048
creeps in this petty
pace from day to day
535
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,676
to the last syllable
of recorded time.
536
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,262
And all our yesterdays
have lighted fools
537
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,181
the way to dusty death.
538
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,183
Out, out, brief candle.
539
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,976
Life's but a walking shadow,
540
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,563
a poor player that struts and
frets his hour upon the Stage,
541
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,607
and then is heard no more.
542
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:17,067
It is a tale told by an idiot,
543
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,736
full of sound and fury,
544
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,446
signifying nothing.
545
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:23,491
Would you like to
try our apple dippers?
39619
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