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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,402
- Where are Tracy and Jenna?
We're supposed to be rehearsing.
2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,423
- Hey, L.L., sorry
we haven't had
3
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:09,718
time to get into
our costumes yet.
4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,887
- How are we
already behind today?
5
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,348
- Liz, women wearing
men's watches is so over.
6
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,308
The new thing is to
get an Adam's apple.
7
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,000
- My mom just had
this fixed for me.
8
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,436
It was my grandfather's.
9
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,730
He worked for years
at Union station in D.C.
10
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,482
As a pickpocket.
11
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,275
- Hey, hey, hey.
Card game, guys.
12
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,567
$20 per, pot's $1,040.
13
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,610
Who's in?
14
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,279
- What is this,
jabba's pleasure skiff?
15
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:30,731
- It's the crew lottery, Liz.
16
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:31,365
You buy a card.
17
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,534
If it gets picked,
you win $1,000.
18
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,625
Get a tub of new suits
from the suit emporium.
19
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,506
Kabletown guys notice.
Your hair grows back.
20
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,414
Everything grows back.
21
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:40,874
- All right. Anybody else?
22
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,376
- Fine, I'll take one
23
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,003
if it'll get everybody
back to work sooner.
24
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,798
- [Scoffs]
25
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,091
- What are you doing?
26
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,969
That game is not for
softhands and faceworkers.
27
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,595
It's for strongs and lifters.
28
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,722
- They hate when one of us wins.
29
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,725
[Crowd booing] Your
boos are not scaring me.
30
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,686
I know most of
you are not ghosts.
31
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,145
- Come on, my card only has
32
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,648
a 1 in 52 chance of
getting picked anyway.
33
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,401
- How did you know
that? You're like rain man.
34
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,170
Quick, how many
toothpicks are on the ground?
35
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,738
- Zero.
- You need to go to Vegas.
36
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,038
- Whoa, why is Toofer
in the punishment corner?
37
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,511
- [British pronunciation] I
said time to end the charade
38
00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,579
and adjust my schedule
to buy a new vase.
39
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,623
- Ugh, you stay there.
You stay there until you die.
40
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,377
- Look up the pronunciation
for "schedule" on the Internet.
41
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:26,709
- [Jack's voice] Schedule.
42
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,630
- Ha! Stay in the corner.
43
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:32,134
- Wait, that computer.
It's Jack's voice!
44
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,135
- [Jack's voice] America.
45
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,596
Whiskey. Liberal.
46
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,222
- No. That can't be Jack.
47
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,314
Why would his voice be
on some random website?
48
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,600
It's impossible.
49
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,144
- [Jack's voice] Lemon...
50
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,896
Lesbian... frankenstein...
Wants her shoes back.
51
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,607
- Oh, my god. It is him.
52
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,610
[Exciting jazz music]
53
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:57,743
♪ ♪
54
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,252
- Come in, Lemon.
55
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:10,088
Just revisiting some old
G.E. quarterly reports.
56
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:15,218
My first cover from my first
year at the company in 1985.
57
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,055
- Ah!
- Ha! Good times.
58
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,766
Just out of frame is a
wheelbarrow full of cocaine.
59
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:24,019
- So why the trip
down memory lame?
60
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,105
Ha ha! High-fiving
a million angels.
61
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:30,442
- The microwave
division quarterly report
62
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,734
comes out today.
63
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,071
It will probably be
my last with G.E.
64
00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:35,923
Now that I'm
transitioning to Kabletown.
65
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,575
I've been a G.E.
man for 25 years.
66
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,577
And a G.E. woman for one week
67
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,997
of corporate
espionage at revlon.
68
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:46,875
- So...
69
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,419
Is there any way you could
possibly be the voice of
70
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,921
pronouncify.com?
71
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:52,714
- What?
72
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,384
No!
73
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,094
- [Jack's voice] Those bastards.
74
00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,262
- Those bastards!
- Who bastards?
75
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,306
- Part of my Princeton
scholarship included
76
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,183
work for the
linguistics department.
77
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,560
They wanted me to record
every word of the dictionary
78
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,521
to preserve the
perfect American accent
79
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:08,813
in case of nuclear war.
80
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:09,523
Well, the cold war ended,
81
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,401
and Princeton began
selling the recordings.
82
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,486
- So people can
just buy your voice?
83
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,114
- Oh, the things it's
been dragged into.
84
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,448
Thomas the tank engine.
85
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,117
Wu-tang songs.
86
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,536
- [Jack's voice] ♪ ah,
yeah, just like that ♪
87
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:26,123
♪ make 'em clap, make 'em clap ♪
88
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,458
- Huh, I always forget
you used to be poor.
89
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:29,918
- Thank you.
90
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,295
But yes, I've had to
work my entire life.
91
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,132
It began when my father
left and I started working
92
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:39,010
on the Boston docks as
a 12-year-old stevedore.
93
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,054
Bales up, you micks! Bales up!
94
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,824
- You've been working
since you were 12?
95
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:43,348
- I had to.
96
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,559
Those jobs put
me through college,
97
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,729
but they also kept me from
having the college experience.
98
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,981
I was up early every
morning, working my way
99
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,959
through the dictionary for
the linguistics department
100
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:56,570
or sweeping the floors at
the Princeton monkey lab.
101
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,114
It wasn't the feces
that got to you, Lemon.
102
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,659
It was the crudely
scrawled notes of "help me."
103
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,954
- Yeah, well, college
wasn't that fun, Jack.
104
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,665
I mean, sure, the first
two weeks are nice.
105
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,797
- Lemon, I really don't
have time for a long...
106
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,127
- the fall of 1988.
107
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,088
A young Liz Lemon enters
the university of Maryland.
108
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,465
Richard Marx haircut.
109
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,676
Pilonidal cyst under control.
It was a magical time, Jack.
110
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,320
- Don't worry about
getting to your point.
111
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,384
I'm going to live forever.
112
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:26,099
- The registrar accidentally
gave me a handicapped room.
113
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,391
It was huge,
114
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,312
and for two weeks
it was party central.
115
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,273
I was popular. People
gave me nicknames.
116
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:37,444
A blonde girl high-fived me.
117
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,571
But then, like all good things,
118
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,741
it ended before it even began.
119
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,702
- Lemon, that's actually my
thoughtful window-staring spot.
120
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:49,664
Visitors stare... Over here.
121
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,417
- [Quietly] Okay.
122
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:56,338
[Both sigh]
123
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,339
- All right, guys.
124
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,649
The moment we've
all been waiting for.
125
00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,257
We're picking a
winner. Here we go.
126
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,258
- This is the lucky
one. Four of clubs.
127
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,385
Paula's nickname for my penis.
128
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,096
- And the winning card is...
129
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,557
The queen of spades!
- All right.
130
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,184
- Who's got it?
- Oh, brother.
131
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,187
- Queen of spades. Who's got it?
132
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,689
- Aw.
- Oh.
133
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:18,151
- Come on.
- Boo!
134
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,570
- She sucks!
- Boo!
135
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,697
- Guys, guys. I'm
not gonna keep it.
136
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,993
I'm gonna take this money
and open a tab for all of you
137
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,745
after work at Hurley's.
138
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,666
- Wait, for real?
- You know it, Arriflex.
139
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,168
Chris... is this guy.
140
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,771
- Now, that is
really cool of you.
141
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:40,173
[All cheer]
142
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,517
- Lemon?
143
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:51,893
Can you make sense of this?
144
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,522
- Well, on some level,
yeah. That's a four.
145
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:56,814
That's a nine.
146
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,400
- Something's wrong here, Lemon.
147
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,419
According to these numbers,
the microwave division
148
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,654
had their best
quarter in five years.
149
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,782
- So?
- So they did it without me.
150
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,951
- No, they didn't.
151
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,245
I mean, you're still the
head of that division.
152
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,580
You hired everyone there.
153
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,040
If they succeeded,
it's because of you.
154
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,793
- Lemon, that's the smartest
thing you've ever said.
155
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:17,794
- Really?
156
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:18,753
What about three
years ago when I said
157
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,631
there should be more
TV shows about cake?
158
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,323
- I'll drive out to
R&D in stamford,
159
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,508
congratulate my team,
160
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,473
make sure everyone
remembers who got them there.
161
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,151
They'll probably give
me a crystal plaque,
162
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,973
and I in turn will
reward one of them
163
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,684
with a name remembrance.
164
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,416
Lemon, why does
your crew look drunk?
165
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,855
- I won $1,000 and I
gave them all a bar tab,
166
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,067
and they got drunk at
lunch and now they like me.
167
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,818
- Oh, Lemon, please.
Money can't buy happiness.
168
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,321
It is happiness.
169
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:51,244
- [Jack's voice]
I love unicorns.
170
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,456
- I told them not to.
Let's get out of here, Jack.
171
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,000
- I'll tell you what.
172
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,002
Make me say anything you want.
173
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,334
Get it out of your system.
174
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,422
- [Jack's voice] Obama
is very presidential.
175
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,423
- All right, enough!
176
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,133
I was trying to be a good sport,
177
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,985
but you should be
ashamed of yourselves.
178
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,012
A bunch of 30-year-olds,
sitting around
179
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,448
acting like college freshmen.
180
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,681
- Hey, I'm almost 46.
181
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,701
- When some of us had to
spend their freshman year
182
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,060
making those recordings.
183
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,063
And leading a disastrous
monkey escape.
184
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,355
Grow up...
185
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,690
You children.
186
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,528
- [Jack's voice] That went well.
187
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,035
- Never did this before.
188
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:36,039
Say hey, Willie mays.
189
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,668
You know, usually
everyone around here
190
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,000
makes me feel like Hitler.
191
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:44,506
But today I feel like
Hitler in Germany.
192
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,218
- Aw, being popular must be
such a new experience for you.
193
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,471
- Well, it's not entirely new.
194
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,307
- Wow, I would
experiment with that girl.
195
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,142
- Too small.
- That's me
196
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,477
for two weeks in college.
197
00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,605
I was popular for
one glorious fortnight.
198
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,316
And then it went away. I
don't know what I did wrong.
199
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,068
- You probably said "fortnight."
200
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,237
- No, you didn't
do anything, Liz.
201
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,613
You were just you.
202
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,305
The cool people figured that
out and treated you accordingly.
203
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,927
- Well, ever since I gave
the crew that lottery money,
204
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,995
it's felt like those
two weeks again.
205
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,247
And you know what?
I'm not blowing it this time.
206
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:18,581
- Hang on, you know
207
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,142
[British pronunciation]
This charade can't last.
208
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,086
Just like in college,
everyone here has their role.
209
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,587
I'm the hot blonde.
210
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,357
- And I'm the nerd who
takes off his glasses
211
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,258
and everyone realizes
he's handsome.
212
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,135
- And you're the R.A.
213
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,847
- Only if R.A. stands
for "really awesome."
214
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,932
- You are who you are.
215
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,979
[Phone rings]
- Hello?
216
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,689
- [Jack's voice] Hello, Pete.
217
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:46,026
This is Jack.
- Jack, hi.
218
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:46,943
Oh, okay, look.
219
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,755
What happened was
Suzanne from ad sales
220
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,405
got pushed into
me in the elevator.
221
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:51,948
I didn't try to touch her.
222
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,576
And the sort of
"unh" sound I made
223
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,703
was about something else.
224
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:59,539
- [Jack's voice] Pete,
will you be my friend?
225
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,000
- Your friend? Sure, of course.
226
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,061
You know, whenever I
tell my wife a work story,
227
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,479
she pointed this
out the other day...
228
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,546
I always...
229
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,758
Always smile a little
when I'm talking about you.
230
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,384
- [Jack's voice] I
wish I was more
231
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,928
of a free spirit like you.
232
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,056
Now freestyle rap for me.
233
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:19,267
- ♪ Rollin' with my
homie, me and Jackie D. ♪
234
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,352
♪ Bitches get ready
for a sex party ♪
235
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,937
[Laughter]
236
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,065
- Hey, Liz, think fast.
237
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,609
[Glass shatters]
238
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,401
- Okay, this is why we don't
239
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,154
play football in
the studio, guys.
240
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,989
'Cause it's too much fun.
241
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,450
- No, no. Nobody high-five her.
242
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,660
- What? It's me, the lizard.
243
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,152
You can start calling me that.
244
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,182
- Look, we appreciate what
you did for the crew last night,
245
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,374
but you left some people
out and that's not cool.
246
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,561
- What are you talking about?
The blizzard wouldn't do that.
247
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,628
That's another option.
248
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,838
- Yeah, the alcoholics, Liz?
249
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,382
How are they supposed
to enjoy your bar tab?
250
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,510
- I didn't forget
about them, Chris.
251
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,845
Their thing just
hasn't gotten here yet.
252
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,137
- Really?
- Yeah.
253
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,973
It's a surprise.
254
00:09:59,265 --> 00:09:59,808
And who knows
what it's gonna be?
255
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:04,521
Only the blizbian knows.
- All right.
256
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,943
- How long do you
think this can go on?
257
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,528
- I've got it under control.
258
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:12,487
- This is why I hated
my first two weeks
259
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:16,157
at the royal tampa
academy of dramatic tricks.
260
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,593
No one knew who
was the sluttiest.
261
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,662
But I showed them.
Oh, I showed them all.
262
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,497
And when we
graduated a week later...
263
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,291
- whatever. Jenna. People's
perceptions can change.
264
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,584
- Can they? Look at me.
265
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,211
I'm Ogbert the nerd.
266
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,673
Always have been,
always will be.
267
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,135
- Look, there is no cool
Liz. There's only R.A. Liz.
268
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,720
- You're wrong.
269
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,098
- My glasses are dirty.
270
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,766
- Ogbert?
271
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,814
- Ah, the microwave lab.
272
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,816
Boys, I received our
273
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:54,112
quarterly report yesterday
and, uh... hang on.
274
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:58,575
Ajay, Raj, Ramesh.
What's going on here?
275
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,535
Where are Dinesh,
Kumar, and Sunavo?
276
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,662
- Sir, this lab
requires clearance.
277
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,914
- Clearance? I'm your boss.
278
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,709
I'm Jack Donaghy.
279
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:08,418
- I'm sorry, your
names all sound
280
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,128
the same to us, John Donovan.
281
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,922
- I've worked here since 1985.
282
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,008
I spearheaded
the trivection oven.
283
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,885
- Trivection?
What is this, 2009?
284
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,137
[Laughter]
285
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,849
The future is the TK-421.
286
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,310
- A new model?
287
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,842
How many vections does it have?
288
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,438
- Five.
- [Gasps]
289
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:29,439
- It's the perfect microwave.
290
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:33,318
It even has a new voice feature.
291
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,129
- [Jack's voice]
Popcorn setting medium.
292
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,529
- My god.
- Which one?
293
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,407
- Gentlemen, I am still
the head of this division.
294
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,744
And no microwave
ships without my say-so.
295
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,622
And I guarantee you that
without my 25 years of experience
296
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,416
you did not build a
perfect microwave.
297
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,948
Now I'm going to find out
what's wrong with this machine,
298
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,504
and when I do,
you're going to wish
299
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:54,796
you'd never been born.
300
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,257
- Well, which time?
301
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:01,428
- [Groans]
302
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,559
- Ah.
303
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,270
What are you
tinkering with, sir?
304
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,564
You know my
uncle was a tinkerer.
305
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,066
Until the FBI shot him.
306
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,692
- Every G.E. product has to be
307
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,819
no more than six
sigmas from perfection.
308
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,111
- Duh.
309
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,198
- So I'm taking apart
this piece of junk
310
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,533
until I prove that it
should never be released.
311
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,105
For the, uh, good
of the company.
312
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,996
- [Jack's voice] Ready, ready.
313
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:29,999
- Is this about
the company, sir?
314
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,376
Or is it about you?
315
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:32,686
- I'm sorry, Kenneth. What?
316
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,921
- Sometimes a place
can be so special to you
317
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,714
that it feels like it
318
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,567
couldn't possibly
continue after you're gone.
319
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,511
But after I left Kentucky
mountain Bible college,
320
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,596
it still kept going.
321
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,182
Until it was shut down
because of the wolves.
322
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:50,186
Maybe this is really about
you not being able to let go.
323
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:50,979
- Tell me, Kenneth.
324
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,439
What did you major
in at that college?
325
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,234
- Television studies with
a minor in Bible sexuality.
326
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,987
- So not psychiatry. Thank you.
327
00:12:59,279 --> 00:12:59,988
But if you really
want to help me,
328
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,783
stick your hand in there
and see if you get a shock.
329
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:07,954
- Aah! My hand!
330
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:11,374
- Damn it, it's
supposed to do that.
331
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,422
- Everyone enjoying
the ice cream?
332
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,257
- Yes!
- Yeah!
333
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,776
- I don't even care
that we've taken
334
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,636
a 73-minute break to eat it.
335
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,013
[Dog barking]
- Oh!
336
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,056
Hey, somebody
brought a dog to work.
337
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,409
Oh, and it definitely
doesn't have
338
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,227
any of its own
waste on its feet... oh!
339
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,856
- Hey, why is Tony sulking?
340
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,188
- I couldn't go to the bar
341
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,484
and now I can't
have any ice cream.
342
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:39,896
- I totally forgot, Broseph.
343
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,171
You're a
lactose-intolerant alcoholic.
344
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,364
- I tried to forget too, but
Liz made me remember
345
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,656
in front of everybody.
346
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,368
- Poor Tony.
- Not cool, Liz.
347
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,911
- How not cool is this?
348
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,081
I remembered
how special Tony is,
349
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:56,794
and that's why I
got him this watch.
350
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,089
- Hey, you think of everything.
351
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,967
- Lizard, lizard, lizard!
352
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,260
- Lizard, lizard!
353
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,472
All: Lizard! Lizard! Lizard!
354
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,515
Lizard! Lizard!
355
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,392
Lizard! Lizard!
356
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,353
Lizard! Lizard!
357
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:16,606
- [Jack's voice] Pete,
can I tell you a secret?
358
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:17,273
- Of course.
359
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,484
I told you about my blankie.
360
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,986
- [Jack's voice] I'm lonely.
361
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:25,615
Would you like to
come to my office
362
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,867
tomorrow evening and hang out?
363
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,452
Bring your guitar
364
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,163
and some beer in cans
365
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,332
and we will jam.
366
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:35,792
- Okay! Yeah, great.
367
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,561
And with the Kabletown
stuff, maybe we could
368
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,837
talk about some new
opportunities for me?
369
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,589
- [Jack's voice]
Yes, I will make
370
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:42,881
your dreams come true.
371
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:47,053
Make sure you wear one
of those Mexican ponchos.
372
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,513
- Okay.
373
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,474
- Yes, nice.
374
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,226
- Yeah!
375
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:57,313
- All right, Kenneth.
Simulate a rainstorm.
376
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,028
- Sir, I was wrong
about the hypothermia.
377
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,738
I don't even feel cold anymore.
378
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,698
I don't feel anything.
379
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,158
- Quiet. Look.
380
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,202
The display is malfunctioning.
381
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,638
- [Jack's voice] Defrost. Power.
382
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,330
Time. Left. Pizza.
- Oh, really?
383
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,749
That's how much
time is left? Pizza?
384
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,501
- Mr. Donaghy, I don't know
385
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:19,895
what point you
think you're proving.
386
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,005
Who would microwave
something in a freezing rainstorm?
387
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:24,465
- Why don't you ask Choctee,
388
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,385
an inuit who wants a
hot bowl of naglak...
389
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,221
A man and food I just
made up to illustrate a point?
390
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,598
- Sir, you have to let go.
391
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,530
At least that's what
my Nana is telling me
392
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,812
from that tunnel
of light behind you.
393
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,544
- Kenneth, I've
told you this before.
394
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,357
Your Nana is an idiot.
395
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,651
- Liz, we're pranking
Pete, and it's going too far.
396
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:46,821
Please stop us.
397
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,233
- Why would I? I love pranks.
398
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,242
I'm not the R.A.
399
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,910
- No.
[Whimpers]
400
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,664
Ooh, but someone
has to be that person.
401
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:02,753
Hey. Everyone
stop. Listen to Lutz.
402
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,882
[All chattering]
403
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,470
- Hello, gentlemen. Remember me?
404
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:11,304
- Yes, I had the Greek salad.
405
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,916
- You know I'm
not a delivery man.
406
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:17,185
I'm wearing a suit and
carrying a microwave.
407
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,565
A so-called perfect microwave.
408
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,153
- [Jack's voice]
Start time. 1985.
409
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,864
- 1985. That's not a time.
410
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,991
I guess it could be a year.
411
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,844
The year I started
working here, actually.
412
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,119
That's interesting.
413
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,579
- [Jack's voice] 1985.
414
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,581
- Yes, 1985. Thank you.
415
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,833
And since 1985 I
have never allowed
416
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,002
a sub-par product...
417
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,504
- [Jack's voice] Stop.
418
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,631
- The point is, my
legacy here is...
419
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,090
- [Jack's voice] Over.
420
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,176
[Microwave beeping] Done. Over.
421
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,468
End.
422
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,138
Stop.
423
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,059
- That's my voice.
424
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,269
- You all sound the
same to us, jock dungaree.
425
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,313
- That was me...
426
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,982
30 years ago.
427
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,360
A young man who dreamed
of running this company,
428
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,821
who made a lot of sacrifices
in pursuit of that dream.
429
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,616
- [Jack's voice] Goodbye.
Potato. Goodbye.
430
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:17,828
- But he's right. It's over.
431
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,915
Congratulations on making
432
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:24,752
the finest microwave
I've ever seen.
433
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:31,968
- Who ordered the Greek salad?
434
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:36,556
- Are we racist, or do
those guys look a lot alike?
435
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:44,355
- You ready for this, j-dog?
436
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,357
Jam out, drink some brews?
437
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:50,361
Talk about everything
and nothing.
438
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:54,031
- After today, that is
exactly what I am ready for.
439
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,323
Beer me.
440
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,369
[Sighs]
441
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,708
Sitting around drinking beer
442
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,002
while a guy in a
poncho plays guitar.
443
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,754
This is what I always
pictured college being like.
444
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,047
- I wouldn't really know.
445
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,775
I only had about two
weeks of real college
446
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:15,553
before Paula got
pregnant... Twice.
447
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,698
She had overlapping
pregnancies five months apart.
448
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:18,347
- [Sighs]
449
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,517
Hey, Pete, do you know aqualung?
450
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,269
- [Chuckles]
451
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,895
- ♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba ♪
452
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,189
- ♪ sitting on a park bench ♪
453
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,858
♪ neer neer neer ♪
454
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:33,195
♪ I don't know the words
except park bench ♪
455
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,950
- Jimmy slice. K-bone.
456
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,828
Mikey-Mike.
457
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,788
- Do not even use my
awesome nickname.
458
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,080
- What? Why?
459
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,248
Crisco?
460
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,877
- Did you give Tony
your grandfather's watch?
461
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,754
- No. You can't prove that.
462
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,256
- Hmm. Ah.
463
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,468
Not stolen property
of Adolf Lemon?
464
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,554
Why would you do that?
To get us to like you?
465
00:18:58,846 --> 00:18:59,430
Are you that desperate?
466
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,931
- No, I'm not desperate.
467
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,392
I'm... [Stammers]
468
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,287
Just tell me what you
want me to say and I'll say it!
469
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,271
- Liz, it's over.
470
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,982
They know what you really are.
471
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,237
- Fine, you found me
out. I'm not a cool kid.
472
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,282
- You suck!
473
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,409
- You know who I am?
474
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,328
I'm the R.A.
475
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,748
And do you know what
the R.A.'s purview is?
476
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,416
Rules. And guess what?
477
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,627
According to the NBC
employee handbook,
478
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,421
your little card game
lottery constitutes gambling.
479
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,256
So you're not doing it anymore.
480
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:35,548
- What?
- Come on.
481
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:36,758
- Boo!
482
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:37,426
- Also, the next
time I see someone
483
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,763
throwing a football in
here, there will be fines.
484
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,391
And if I see that
filthy dog again,
485
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,351
I will put it down.
- [All gasp]
486
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:49,230
- I will put it
down with a smile.
487
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,773
Back to work, everyone!
488
00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:55,069
[Crowd booing]
489
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,987
I love you too.
490
00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,324
High-fiving a million angels.
491
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:04,161
- Hey, Pete, how do I
know that the colors you see
492
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,330
are the same as
the colors that I see?
493
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,457
Maybe what I see as red,
494
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,459
you perceive as green.
495
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,170
- We should be
writing this stuff down.
496
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,464
- Oh, I didn't think
anybody would be in here.
497
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,550
I mean, I brought
you guys a pizza.
498
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,261
- Lemon, think fast!
499
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,680
- What is going on here?
500
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,724
- Join us.
501
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,809
Pete and I are having
a little college night.
502
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:30,312
- Oh, yeah? Want to
see me shotgun this?
503
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,023
- Oh, god, she means the pizza.
504
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:36,068
- No, she's unhinging her jaw!
505
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,406
- Come on, we were
just pranking Pete!
506
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:42,074
How long do we have to do this?
507
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,326
- You wanted college
to go on forever?
508
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,036
You got it.
36618
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