Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:04,254
- Hi.
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,966
I'm looking for an
engagement ring.
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:12,513
- Are you sure?
4
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:13,865
- Maybe you should
have had a ring
5
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:14,949
the first time you proposed.
6
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,075
Then Elisa wouldn't
have said no.
7
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,267
- She didn't say no.
8
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:18,578
She said we
should think about it.
9
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,354
- Yeah, that does not mean yes.
10
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,314
In my experience,
"let's think about it"
11
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,316
usually ends up with
me watching solid gold
12
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:25,768
in my basement on prom night.
13
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,546
- The point is I have
thought about it,
14
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,154
and I haven't changed my mind.
15
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,686
In fact, I've coined a new term
16
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,491
to describe what Elisa is to me:
17
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,660
The one.
- The one?
18
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,662
- As in the only one for me.
19
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,289
The one I'm meant to
be with. Get it? The one.
20
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:40,642
- Yeah, you should be a writer.
21
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,252
Whoa, check out the bling!
22
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,754
Or whatever it's
called now. Aah!
23
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,839
[Chuckles]
24
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,675
Oh!
25
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,677
- Good god.
- I got it!
26
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:55,305
Oh, god, there's a vent!
27
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:59,309
- She's very... spirited.
Like a show horse.
28
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,601
You're a lucky man.
29
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,688
- Oh, no, no.
She's not the bride.
30
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,606
This is the one I am marrying.
31
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,526
- Oh, my apologies, sir.
32
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:08,962
Please follow me to
the real showroom.
33
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,195
- Yes.
34
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,365
- My finger is
caught in the vent.
35
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:17,786
- Hey, where are my sno balls?
36
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,747
I was gonna go to the gym
later, so I deserve a treat.
37
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,542
- Oh, miss Lemon, we can't
have coconut products out anymore
38
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:24,914
because of staff allergies.
39
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,920
- What? No, allergies
are psychosomatic.
40
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,464
The only reason
I'm allergic to dogs
41
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,818
is because one bit me the
first time I got my period.
42
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,385
- No, allergies are real.
43
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,679
If I have a strawberry,
my throat shuts up
44
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:37,389
faster than a
girl in math class.
45
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,182
- I didn't know
you had allergies.
46
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,827
You know if my cousin
Stephanie eats a walnut,
47
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:42,811
her throat shuts up
faster than a Filipino at a...
48
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,646
- Guys! Come on. Not okay.
49
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,566
- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Rossitano,
no unauthorized food.
50
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,568
- Don't worry, no
food in here, Kenneth.
51
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,487
Just a doughnut box
with a mouse in it.
52
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,781
- Oh, are the pranksmen
going after Lutz again?
53
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:55,449
- Someone say my name?
54
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,452
- Hey, look.
- Awesome! Doughnuts!
55
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:01,455
Aah! Aah!
56
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:05,417
- [Gasps] Oh!
57
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,545
[Exciting jazz music]
58
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:16,595
♪ ♪
59
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:26,855
- Hey, we've narrowed
it down, Liz Lemon.
60
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:27,856
- Oh, great. What
are we talking about?
61
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,858
- Tracy has to get a
present for his wife.
62
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,444
- This Saturday is
the 20th anniversary
63
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,838
of the night that
me and Angie met.
64
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,782
She was working at the
Dyker heights Arthur Treacher's,
65
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:37,616
and I was residing there.
66
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,494
She slipped me a
free shrimp combo,
67
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,146
and we've been
together ever since.
68
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:44,081
So this present
has to be special.
69
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,333
It's either gonna
be a denim jacket
70
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,043
that says "hot
bitch" in diamonds...
71
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,504
- Uh-huh.
- Or a slanket.
72
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,632
- Yeah, Angie doesn't want that.
73
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,759
Why don't you just ask
Angie what she wants
74
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,731
instead of spending
all this money on junk?
75
00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,471
- You are wise, Liz Lemon.
76
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,640
Like a genetically
manipulated shark.
77
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,266
So as a token of my gratitude,
78
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:07,270
I got something
specially for you.
79
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:08,897
- Wow.
80
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:13,110
I'll take that slanket too
if you're not gonna use it.
81
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:13,694
- Puerto rican!
82
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,404
- That's interesting.
83
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,448
- I mean puerto rico, where
you're supposed to be.
84
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:19,116
When did you get back?
85
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:21,493
- Actually, Lemon,
three weeks ago.
86
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,161
- What? Why doesn't
Jack know that?
87
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,681
- Because I don't
know what to do.
88
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,015
I'm afraid he's gonna
want to go through
89
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,582
with his proposings of marriage.
90
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,252
Sorry, I haven't spoken
English in two menses.
91
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,213
- Are you saying that you
don't want to go through
92
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,340
with his proposings of marriage?
93
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,384
I don't understand,
Elisa. You love him.
94
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,844
- I do.
95
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:41,388
That's why I call him "El uno."
- Yeah.
96
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,517
- But I cannot marry him
because of a terrible secret.
97
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:46,435
Please don't ask me what it is.
98
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,187
- I won't. I don't want to know.
99
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,188
Are you a man?
100
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,191
- Really? That's
your guess, a man?
101
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,360
You want to see me naked?
- Sort of.
102
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:59,531
- I love Jack so much.
103
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,533
I don't think I
have the strength
104
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:02,492
to tell it to his head.
105
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,619
That's why I was
hoping that you...
106
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:05,911
- Oh, no, no, no!
107
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,790
- Oh, thank you for
doing what I cannot.
108
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,794
Good-bye forever, Liz Lemon.
109
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:17,799
- [Sighs]
110
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,259
Well, I see why he likes it.
111
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:22,679
- I hope you guys
have learned a lesson.
112
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:27,434
Because of what you did,
we almost lost a monitor.
113
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,605
- [Laughing] I'm sorry.
114
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,690
You're a big fan of
mine, and you're not gay?
115
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:34,691
Not even bi-curious?
116
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,169
- I don't know what to tell you.
117
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,861
I love your show.
I read your blog.
118
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,237
I've got all your albums.
119
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,155
Even the one you
did with Phil spector.
120
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,841
- I still think that would
have sold much better
121
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,065
if he had shot me in the face.
122
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,202
- Well, I'm glad you
didn't get shot in the face.
123
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,621
- Thank you.
- But if you had...
124
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:49,140
I would have liked to
have gotten that call.
125
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,874
- That would have been nice.
126
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,919
- Jenna, US Weekly is
calling to confirm a story
127
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:57,172
that your animal rescue shelter
is supplying quesadilla meat
128
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,464
to amusement parks.
129
00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,925
- What?! I need
to call my lawyer.
130
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:03,428
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
131
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,720
- Dude, we gotta go, man.
132
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,264
I stole some pens.
133
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,267
- Mr. Lutz, this is my
telephone number.
134
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,395
Please give it to Jenna Maroney.
135
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,649
You okay? Good.
136
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,243
- Hey, Jack. Do you have a sec?
137
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,454
- It's over, Lemon. It's
over before it started.
138
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,164
Drink with me.
139
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,696
- I'm sorry, but I'm glad it
didn't have to come from me.
140
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,103
- What are you talking about?
- What are you talking about?
141
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,129
- Wig-go.com,
142
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,715
Sheinhardt wigs'
user-generated video content site.
143
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,052
All anybody posted
on it were penises.
144
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,655
What did you want
to talk to me about?
145
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,557
- Hey, Jack! Right, okay.
146
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,369
I have been trying
to figure out how to
147
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:51,726
not tell you this.
148
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,479
- Mi amor.
- Querida.
149
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,439
- I'm back. Let's get married.
150
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,531
- I'll call plunder and
have them hold a table
151
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,735
so we can celebrate in style.
152
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,697
And carbo-load
for the reunion sex.
153
00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,074
- Lemon, isn't it wonderful?!
154
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,718
[Whispering] Don't
dare say anything
155
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,286
about what I told
you about my secret.
156
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,371
- I'm not going to
because you have to.
157
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:15,166
- [Yelps in pain]
- [Laughing loudly]
158
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:21,131
- ♪ Baby cried the day
the circus came to town ♪
159
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:22,591
- Uh, you okay?
160
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:26,803
- Oh, I didn't see
you there. I'm fine.
161
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:32,225
[Loudly] ♪ don't cry out loud ♪
162
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,120
- You sure you don't want
to talk about something?
163
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,396
- Well, it's kinda
none of your business,
164
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:37,814
but all right.
165
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,442
I met this cute
paramedic yesterday.
166
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,361
He thinks I'm incredible.
We're perfect for each other.
167
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,131
But he left before I
could get his name.
168
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,549
- Well, I'm sure there's
a way to find out.
169
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:47,573
- I called 911.
170
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,011
They wouldn't even connect
me to their celebrity service.
171
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:51,119
I don't know what to do.
172
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,971
- Huh, you know, your
dilemma reminds me
173
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,289
of a book I read once.
174
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,916
- Ugh, see you later, Pete.
175
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,560
- No, no, no.
Listen, listen, listen.
176
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,103
There's this question
psychiatrists use
177
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,128
to identify sociopaths.
178
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,464
A woman goes to
her mother's funeral,
179
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,091
where she meets the perfect
man. It's love at first sight.
180
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,552
But he leaves before
she finds out who he is.
181
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,555
So what does she
do to see him again?
182
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,099
- She kills her father,
hoping that the guy will come
183
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:14,391
to that funeral too.
184
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,020
- That's correct. Oh, boy.
185
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,312
- Thanks for the advice.
186
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:19,843
- No, no, no, that
wasn't advice.
187
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,167
- But of course,
she'd also have to kill
188
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,544
her father's doorman and anyone
else who might have seen her.
189
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,905
And you for giving her
the idea in the first place.
190
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,741
[Laughter]
191
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,250
- Liz Lemon, you dummy!
192
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:40,752
- I'm wearing it as a joke.
193
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,296
- I asked Angie what she
wanted for our anniversary,
194
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,548
and she wants me to
get a tattoo of her name.
195
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,080
- Well, okay. You like tattoos.
196
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,761
- And above it she wants
this picture of her face.
197
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,680
I can't have this on my chest
198
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,572
scaring off beautiful
women in the clubs.
199
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:54,723
- Tracy...
200
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,518
- You know I like to
socialize, Liz Lemon.
201
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,437
And you know my signature
move with the ladies is
202
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,040
- taking off your shirt.
- Taking off my shirt
203
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:05,402
♪ ♪
204
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,153
Now it's a Sophie's choice.
205
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,949
I can't get this tattoo,
and I can't tell Angie no.
206
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,641
- What do you want
me to say, Tracy?
207
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,637
I'm sorry I made it harder
for you to cheat on your wife?
208
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,912
- That's a start, Liz Lemon.
209
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,790
That's a start.
210
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,689
- Strawberries!
211
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,817
My real name is dick Whitman.
212
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:50,030
- Oh, someone call
the cute guy at 911!
213
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:53,074
- Lemon, I need to ask
you something about Elisa.
214
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,410
Did she say anything
to you, anything at all,
215
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,328
about a secret...
216
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,581
Desire to keep her maiden name?
217
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,791
- Oh, no. Sorry.
218
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,335
- Because I'd like her
to be Elisa Donaghy,
219
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,022
but if she wants to be Elisa
Padriera-Donaghy, then...
220
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,089
- Elisa Padriera?
221
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,716
[Gasps]
222
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,008
La viuda negra!
223
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,219
- What? What does that mean?
224
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,511
- The black widow.
225
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,879
- Elisa has a terrible secret.
226
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,450
My current theory
is she's the mother
227
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,268
of those Michael Jackson kids.
228
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,706
- Okay, I searched Elisa
Padriera and the black widow,
229
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,356
but all the web
sites are in Spanish.
230
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,358
Blue writing on green. Why?!
231
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,890
- Call that cleaning lady back.
232
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,361
We need somebody
who speaks Spanish.
233
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,653
- I speak Spanish.
234
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:32,840
- Puerto rican!
- La viuda negra!
235
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:33,864
- Really, Lemon?
236
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,785
Jack, let me explain.
237
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,787
- Elisa, there is
nothing you can say
238
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,359
that will change the way I feel.
239
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,500
- I'm so sorry to tell
you such a dark tale
240
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,252
while wearing
such a silly t-shirt.
241
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:51,174
I was married once,
and I killed my husband.
242
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,218
It was a crime of passion.
243
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,303
He cheated on me.
244
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,472
And in a rage I took my revenge.
245
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,474
You know me, Jack.
246
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,766
I'm a catholic.
247
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,228
I take the bonds of
marriage very seriously.
248
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,896
- Why aren't you in jail?
249
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,856
- They threw my case out.
250
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,566
I couldn't get an impartial jury
251
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,485
after that song
about me came out.
252
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,654
- ♪ Elisa, Elisa ♪
253
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:13,946
♪ la viuda negra ♪
254
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,197
♪ Elisa ♪
255
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,243
- I guess I'm glad you know.
256
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:21,246
I understand if this
changes everything.
257
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,915
It's up to you.
258
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,338
- [Whispering] My god,
259
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,298
I already put my
wedding announcement
260
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,552
in cigar aficionado.
261
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,387
- How about this?
262
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,723
You get the tattoo, but
when you hit the clubs,
263
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,560
you draw a mane around
the face with a marker
264
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:47,438
and make it look like a
lion named "tangiers."
265
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,150
- Dotcom, that is a great idea!
266
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:53,528
If you want everyone
to think I own a gay lion!
267
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:54,821
Tangiers?!
268
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,257
- No judgment in brainstorming.
269
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,325
- Look, this is my reputation
we're talking about here!
270
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,536
Use your heads!
271
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,498
- The Moroccan national
soccer team is the lions.
272
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:06,790
Tangiers is in Morocco.
273
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,544
So, yeah, I guess i'm an idiot.
274
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,338
- Have you ever met anyone
275
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,257
that's killed somebody?
276
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,801
I think my grandpa may have.
277
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,487
But he never really
liked to talk about
278
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,637
what happened at Kent state.
279
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,181
- I still want to marry Elisa.
280
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,142
- Wow, you do? Really?
281
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,311
- So she had one bad day.
282
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,803
Being in a relationship means
overlooking certain flaws.
283
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,858
I mean, somewhere right
now, a guy is on a jdate
284
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,750
with Monica Lewinsky...
Nobody's perfect.
285
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,320
- Jack...
- I'm 50.
286
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,532
To put it in perspective,
that's like 32 for ladies.
287
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,384
How many more Elisas
am I going to meet?
288
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,328
- Okay, well, god bless.
289
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:46,122
I guess I just really
don't understand men.
290
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,208
- Nobody ever said
you did, Lemon.
291
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:51,169
- [Sarcastic mutter]
292
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,461
- Pardon me. Excuse me.
293
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,422
I'm sorry, what are
you two doing here?
294
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,466
Where's the hot guy?
295
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:57,818
- Ma'am, are you
taking any medication?
296
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:58,842
- Yes.
297
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,279
Where's the cute paramedic
who was here last night?
298
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,223
He was wearing a uniform.
He was totally into me.
299
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,491
- If he was here at night, he
must work the evening shift.
300
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,851
- So there are different shifts?
301
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,145
Like on a Sheik's
pleasure yacht.
302
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,437
Thank you.
303
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,358
- Lemon.
304
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,410
- It's not product
placement. I just like it.
305
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,443
- What?
- What?
306
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,281
- What if I marry Elisa
and I accidentally cheat?
307
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,241
She could snap again.
308
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:22,532
She's very passionate,
309
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:23,368
and she doesn't
react well to betrayal.
310
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:28,206
- Why won't you open?!
311
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:29,624
- Yes. What a quandary.
312
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,210
Oh, wait, I have a
suggestion... don't cheat.
313
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:33,127
- But you never know, Lemon.
314
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,713
What if I find myself
stranded in a snow cave
315
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,216
with a stern but
comely lady geologist,
316
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,693
both of us knowing that
our only chance for survival
317
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,344
is the heat from
our naked bodies?
318
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,222
- Sorry, I just do
not get you guys.
319
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:45,914
- Again, that is
not being disputed.
320
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,352
But my options for male
advice around here are limited.
321
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,497
- So I think the pranksmen
should all wear fedoras.
322
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,201
- Could the hats have feathers?
- Yes! Yes!
323
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:56,359
- Face it, you are the
closest thing to a man
324
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,651
working here right now.
325
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,113
- [Sighs] Well, dude,
326
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,005
I guess you gotta
find a comely geologist
327
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,325
and a snow cave
and see what happens.
328
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,657
- Tracy, I need your help.
329
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,121
My fiancee murdered
her ex-husband
330
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:08,997
when he cheated on her.
331
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,289
- Continue.
332
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,874
- I love her.
333
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,502
But the only way I can
make sure that I won't stray...
334
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,588
- Is for me to arrange a
test of erotic temptation.
335
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,507
Yes.
- Exactly.
336
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,385
- We're going out
tonight, Jackie D,
337
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:26,347
and you're gonna be tempted
like Jesus in the wilderness.
338
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,309
Jesus is my stereo guy,
and the wilderness is a club
339
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,270
I took him to once.
340
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,564
- Jenna, come quick.
Kenneth's passed out again.
341
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:40,236
Oh, no, I can't believe this is
happening during night shift!
342
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,616
- Oh, for god sakes!
What is this, third watch?
343
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,618
- Somehow Kenneth
ate strawberries again,
344
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,710
and now he's gone into
acute strawberry shock.
345
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,538
- Is that a thing?
346
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,457
- Just ask this real EMT.
347
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,059
- We're gonna have
to cut off his hands
348
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,083
to get the sickness out.
349
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,187
He's gonna have to learn
how to urinate with his feet.
350
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,355
- How could this have
happened again?!
351
00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,756
- It's my fault. I did it.
352
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,799
I just wanted that hot
EMT to come back.
353
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,491
I didn't mean for
it to go this far.
354
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:07,305
Kenneth, I'm so sorry.
But I am not a monster.
355
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,767
I'm just a girl standing in
front of a boy she poisoned
356
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:14,228
so this other boy
would go to town on her.
357
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,481
- I think she's
had enough, sirs.
358
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,274
- Aw, Kenneth!
- What's happening?
359
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,650
Is this a trick? I knew it!
360
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,046
I was just playing along. No,
seriously, what's happening?
361
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,405
- Jenna, do you feel
genuine remorse?
362
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,823
Thank god.
363
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:29,035
Sociopath downgraded
to extreme narcissist.
364
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,807
Now quit it with
the strawberry stuff.
365
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:33,623
- Or you might once
again feel the righteous lash
366
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:36,834
of the pranksmen.
367
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,795
- Is that a thing?
368
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,421
[Dance music]
369
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,840
- Hey, tray.
370
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,443
You and your friend
wanna party later?
371
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:47,387
- Sure thing, baby.
372
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,138
Give the kid a call.
373
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,849
Holla.
- This is decadent.
374
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,477
And I once went to Miami
with Darryl strawberry.
375
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,687
- Tip of the iceberg, Jackie D.
376
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,856
You can have all of
this whenever you want.
377
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,652
Or you can marry that nice
lady that you're in love with.
378
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:03,611
It's up to you.
379
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,906
- Look, I love Elisa. But
you love Angie, right?
380
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,658
- Of course I do.
Angie's the one.
381
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,743
- The one? Where
did you hear that?
382
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,788
- It's a thing I made up
after seeing the ma Trix.
383
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,249
- Well, Elisa is my one.
384
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,501
But Tracy, sometimes
I think men like us
385
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,546
aren't built for marriage.
386
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:25,633
- Okay, this is something
I've never told anyone.
387
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,510
This is my terrible secret.
388
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,847
In the 20 years
that I've known her...
389
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,807
I've never cheated on my wife.
390
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,309
There. I said it.
391
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,687
Don't look at me.
392
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:41,482
- Wait a minute.
That can't be the truth.
393
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,443
- The partying is just for show.
394
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,404
And because I'm a
high-functioning alcoholic.
395
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,006
All the phone numbers
you see me hand out,
396
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,323
they're not even mine.
397
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,785
[Telephone rings]
398
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,495
- Hello?
399
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,790
No, this isn't Tracy Jordan.
400
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,750
Really?
401
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,211
I've not heard of
that term before.
402
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:05,840
Do you know how
to get to Connecticut?
403
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,385
- Oh, my god.
That's an inspiration.
404
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,512
I mean, if you can do it...
- So can you.
405
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,515
Because I'm a ridiculous,
unstable human being.
406
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,392
- What is wrong with me?
407
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:19,520
I mean, if Elisa's only flaw is
that she demands I be faithful,
408
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,355
then I will be faithful!
409
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,608
- And if Angie wants
me to get a tattoo of her
410
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,740
to prove my love, then
I'm getting that tattoo!
411
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,529
Grizz, get the car.
Dotcom, get the coats.
412
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,901
And which one of you ladies
wants to pick up the tab?
413
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,700
- [All] Oh, me! Me!
414
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,412
- I put strawberry
juice in your chickpeas.
415
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,706
And in your water.
416
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,792
And on your harmonica.
- My what?
417
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,753
Oh, you mean my mouth radio?
418
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,505
- I am so sorry, Kenneth.
419
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,816
I just want you to know
that I would not do this to you
420
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,258
for just any guy.
421
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,551
He was special.
422
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,471
I really thought that
he was... the one.
423
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,473
- Oh, miss Maroney,
it's horrible to think
424
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,885
you might have found your
true love, only to lose him.
425
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,144
- It hurts more
than my foot Botox
426
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:05,441
to know that he's out there,
and I have no way to find him.
427
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,195
- When you call 911,
428
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:12,532
tell them they have
to send everyone.
429
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,495
Earn... this!
430
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,581
- Oh...
431
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,793
You remarkable son of a bitch!
432
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,506
[Happily] We have an emergency!
433
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:32,301
- ♪ Workin' on my night cheese ♪
434
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,595
[Knock on door]
435
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,351
- Oh... Jack?
436
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,770
Do you know what time
it is? I was sound asleep.
437
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,523
- I heard you singing
"night cheese."
438
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,149
Lemon, I've had a crazy night.
439
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,485
We all can learn a
lot from Tracy Jordan.
440
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:50,777
We went out clubbing.
441
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,197
His life is like enron, 1999.
442
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,491
It's wild.
- I'm sure it was.
443
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:59,203
- How are you so quiet when
your parades are so loud?
444
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,330
- You were supposed
to be thinking about us.
445
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:05,585
And you spent the whole night
partying with that black guy!
446
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,295
- Did she not come
here with you?
447
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,838
- Have you been following me?
448
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,216
- And then you come here
at 4:00 in the morning?!
449
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:15,177
I knew your relationship
was too weird
450
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:16,469
not to be sexual!
451
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:17,388
- Okay, everybody be cool.
452
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,266
- Wait a minute, you're
jealous of Lemon?
453
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,393
That's insane.
- Yeah, come on, look at me.
454
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:23,227
- Ooh.
455
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,187
- Elisa, I proved
to myself tonight
456
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,540
that I would never cheat on you.
457
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,833
That's why I went
out with Tracy.
458
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,233
And I came to Liz's because...
459
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,402
- Because she's your bro.
- Exactly.
460
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:32,403
- Oh...
461
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:33,863
- Elisa, this is troubling.
462
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,157
- And how do you think I feel?
463
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,409
I get a ring on my
finger for one day
464
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,578
and I start acting
like Glenn close
465
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:41,870
in atraccion fatal.
466
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,841
- Oh, that has a whole
different title here.
467
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,583
- Lemon, isn't there
a slanket somewhere
468
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,252
you should be
filling with your farts?
469
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,379
Shoo.
470
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,757
Baby, this is my curse.
471
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,425
I love too deeply.
472
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:58,846
And eventually it makes
me loco for choco-puffs.
473
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,558
- Querida, if you
ever find yourself
474
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:06,187
less in love with me, I
hope you'll give me a call.
475
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,998
But if tonight is what
it's going to be like,
476
00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:10,816
obviously, engagement-wise,
477
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,110
we are not going to forge ahead.
478
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:14,487
- Is it my English,
479
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,114
or was that not a great
breaking-up speech?
480
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:21,535
- It was your English.
That was quite moving.
481
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,512
- Boy, you look happy.
482
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,471
What, did you
settle that lawsuit
483
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:41,764
over your exercise tape?
484
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:42,640
- Even better.
485
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,308
I had an amazing
date last night.
486
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,851
And it's all thanks to Kenneth.
487
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,478
- Oh, it was nothing.
488
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,605
Sure, I was legally
dead for five minutes,
489
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:50,977
but I did it for true love.
490
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,609
- Actually, it turns out
Roger has sole custody
491
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,904
of his five-year-old
son, so pffft!
492
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,531
- Wait a minute, you were dead?
493
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,491
- Oh, I'm fine.
494
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:04,787
But I think I brought
something back with me.
495
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,543
[Shivers, exhales]
496
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,461
- Tracy, did you even
go home last night?
497
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:13,753
And where is your shirt?
498
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,632
- No, and at large.
499
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:17,383
I might've went
out and had a little
500
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,385
too much to drink last night,
501
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,846
but you'll be proud of
me, Liz Lemon Cool J.
502
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,390
'Cause I went out
and got that tattoo
503
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:26,434
Angie wanted me to get.
504
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,394
Pow!
505
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,604
How you like me now?
506
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,398
[Tracy chuckles]
507
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:37,111
- Wow, that is one gay lion.
508
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:39,863
- ♪ Elisa, Elisa ♪
509
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,532
♪ la viuda negra ♪
510
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:42,908
♪ Elisa, Elisa ♪
511
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,077
♪ la viuda negra ♪
512
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:46,704
♪ Elisa, Elisa ♪
513
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,372
♪ la viuda negra ♪
514
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,207
♪ Elisa, Elisa ♪
515
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,584
♪ la viuda negra ♪
516
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,712
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
517
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,589
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
518
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,674
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
519
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,551
♪ Elisa, Elisa ♪
520
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,511
♪ la viuda negra ♪
521
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:03,888
♪ Elisa, Elisa ♪
522
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,556
♪ la viuda negra ♪
523
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:08,809
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
524
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,936
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
38320
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof