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1
00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:06,256
Oh, miss Lemon!
Let me help you out.
2
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,509
Oh, thanks, Kenneth.
3
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,802
What are all these little
plastic containers for?
4
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:12,721
Are you pickling squirrel meat?
5
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,199
'Cause I can lend
you my skull presser.
6
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,223
No, Kenneth.
7
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,194
I went to the new
flagship compartment store
8
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,309
on fifth Avenue
9
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:21,146
and got everything I
need to get my life in order.
10
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,857
There's a stacker thing
to separate your junk mail
11
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,335
from your humidifier catalogs.
12
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,818
A thing you stick on your laptop
13
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,529
that holds your keys.
14
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,615
A round plastic deal
that holds your shoes
15
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,158
with a pocket for a photograph
16
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,661
of what shoes are in there.
17
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,454
I'm going to become wonderful.
18
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,122
It's a new beginning.
19
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,874
Like a Phoenix rise... Look out!
20
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,166
[Screams]
21
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,922
Or maybe this is going
to be the worst day ever.
22
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,800
[Exciting jazz music]
23
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:57,933
♪ ♪
24
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,694
Okay, morning meeting.
25
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,696
Everybody shut
up. Shut up, Lutz.
26
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,197
Already today,
27
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,866
I have lost faith
in decor-ganizing,
28
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,285
chipped a tooth...
29
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,577
Uh huh.
30
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,746
And lost a shoving
match to what I thought
31
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,749
was a female bike messenger.
32
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:26,420
So I am asking all of you
for the next 12 to 14 hours
33
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:27,712
to just be cool.
34
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,047
Let's have a normal day.
35
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,799
Yeah, guys, seriously, be cool.
36
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,342
Why are you not wearing pants?
37
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,194
They still have the
heat set for winter,
38
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:35,304
and my office is boiling.
39
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:36,597
Put on your pants, Frank.
40
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:37,889
[Groans]
41
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,301
Cerie, please make me a
dentist appointment for today.
42
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,101
You can't go today.
43
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,644
You... you have jury duty.
44
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,105
What? No! I'm
registered in Illinois.
45
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,190
How did New York find me?
46
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,151
I changed your voter
registration for you.
47
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,569
Ach! What's wrong?
48
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,237
You told me to
be more proactive.
49
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,824
No, I told you to
buy more Proactiv.
50
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,242
Liz!
51
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,094
Mr. Donaghy wants
to see you immediately
52
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,361
about what Jenna and Tracy did
53
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:01,979
during the St.
Patrick's day parade.
54
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,665
Was it something good?
55
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,751
Lemon, have a seat.
56
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,085
It was very simple.
57
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,057
I asked you two to
host NBC's live coverage
58
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,481
of the St. Patrick's day parade.
59
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,066
Read from the cue
cards. Promote the show.
60
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,943
So would you please
explain to Mr. O'Cannon here
61
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,011
why it went so very wrong?
62
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,303
Sir, as I'm sure
63
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,671
you know from reading my blog,
64
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,805
I'm currently shooting
65
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,053
a feature film inspired by,
66
00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:22,183
but, for legal reasons,
67
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,769
not based on Janis joplin.
68
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:27,189
♪ Synonym's just
another word for the word ♪
69
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,649
♪ you want to use ♪
70
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,220
We can't sing
the original songs,
71
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:30,984
but it's gonna be phenomenal.
72
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,836
But, you know, between
filming the movie
73
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,380
at night and working
here during the day,
74
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,781
I am so exhausted.
75
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,783
Sir, so when I
got to the parade...
76
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,868
That's no excuse, ye banshee.
77
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,871
You and this gravy
face have slarneyed up
78
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,748
a real donnybrook.
79
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,209
(Tracy on TV) Here comes
the county cork steppers.
80
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,920
Their traditional dance
celebrates the spirit
81
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,674
and the ingenuity
of the Irish people.
82
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,509
Wake up, mother...
83
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,013
You're a disgrace.
84
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:04,726
Passing out and cursing
on St. Patrick's day?
85
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,018
Is nothing sacred?
86
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,313
I feel I should be
rewarded for going this long
87
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,440
without swearing on live TV.
88
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,025
The fcc disagrees.
89
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,917
They've decided to
make an example of you
90
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,362
and fine you personally
91
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,739
$50,000. (Tracy) 50 grand?
92
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,157
Can anyone cut this in half?
93
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,449
Look at you.
94
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,034
I told you.
95
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,744
You're spreading
yourself too thin.
96
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,329
I only heard the thin part, Liz.
97
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,706
Lemon is right, Jenna.
98
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,250
Obviously, you can't do
both TGS and Janie Jimplin.
99
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,542
I choose the movie.
100
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,704
My face is bigger on movies.
101
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:31,877
No, I don't mean quit.
102
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,922
I mean, Liz will find a
way to make both work.
103
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:34,673
Am I right, Lemon?
104
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,467
Well, I'll have to use
you less in the show.
105
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,261
And I'll scale back the movie.
106
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,846
We could cut the lesbian scene.
107
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,515
But the oscars love
that kind of thing.
108
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,392
There's two guys in
my gym named Oscar.
109
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,764
Jenna, you have got to
start taking care of yourself.
110
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:48,978
You're a wreck.
111
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,940
I am fine, Liz.
112
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,312
Jenna, that's a glue stick.
113
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,442
Mm?
114
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,153
You're going to the doctor.
115
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,196
Okay, great meeting.
116
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:03,410
Lemon, let's try to
have a calm week
117
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:04,703
downstairs, shall we?
118
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:05,704
Oh, yeah, I'm trying.
119
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,196
I don't need any distractions.
120
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,375
On Friday, microwaves is
announcing a very big project
121
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,295
or, should I say, very little?
122
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,088
[Gasps] The pocket microwave?
123
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,466
You can buy it on Friday
along with everyone else.
124
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,925
It has a ham button.
125
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,552
You used my idea!
126
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,722
Jenna, I understand
what it's like
127
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:24,681
having too much on your plate.
128
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,892
Between my medical
practice and this job,
129
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,384
I'm pulled in every direction.
130
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,644
What can I do, doctor?
131
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,979
I haven't been this tired
132
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,391
since I was forced to do
that dance marathon in Dubai.
133
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,407
Well, I can give you
these pamphlets on stress
134
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,820
and diet and doing a movie
and a TV show at the same time.
135
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,864
But you're all gonna
tell you that you need
136
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:41,698
to give something up.
137
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,617
And they're wrong.
138
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,535
You can burn the
candle at both ends.
139
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:46,827
Go on.
140
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:47,746
Well, my lab
works is in the field
141
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,038
of sleep research.
142
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,625
Mostly because I checked
the wrong box on a form once.
143
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,543
We are currently
working on a pill
144
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,254
that keeps people awake
under any circumstances.
145
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,024
It's being funded
by the U.S. military
146
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,674
and the WNBA.
147
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,218
Well, does it work?
148
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:03,553
It's kept my lab
rats awake for days.
149
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,198
But we're looking
for human subjects.
150
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,222
Where do I sign up?
151
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,600
Oh, please, we don't
want a paper trail.
152
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,019
[Laughter]
153
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:15,357
Take 25 of these a day
for the rest of your life.
154
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,027
Okay, I am going to jury duty,
155
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,445
but I will be right back.
156
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,030
I got my Princess Leia outfit,
157
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,322
some playgirl magazines
158
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,033
from the early 1980s.
159
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,285
They will dismiss me
immediately as a weirdo.
160
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,954
Who's in charge
while you're gone?
161
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:29,871
Oh, let's see.
162
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,165
Well, Pete is spending
spring break with his kids,
163
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,457
so no one.
164
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,127
No one here is in
charge in any way.
165
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,921
If no one's in charge,
166
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,213
who will yell at me for
goofing up the lunch order?
167
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,550
We all will, Kenneth.
168
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,926
We all will.
169
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,805
You guys are my best friends.
170
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,351
There you are, Liz Lemon!
171
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:52,936
You want to buy half a watch?
172
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,938
I have to pay my fine in cash.
173
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,024
I guess fcc stands for
federal bunch of sticklers.
174
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,610
Well, I hope you've
learned a lesson from this.
175
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:01,902
I sure have.
176
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,197
I learned that if you pay
some money afterwards,
177
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,116
you can say whatever
you want on TV.
178
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:09,411
I can even say what Ernest
borgnine whispered to me at...
179
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,037
No, stop. That's not the lesson.
180
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,664
That's always the lesson.
181
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,834
If you have money, you
can do whatever you want.
182
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,795
Now I'm off to appear
on Martha Stewart live.
183
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,213
Ooh, it's gonna be raunchy.
184
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:21,505
[Sighs]
185
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,673
Tracy.
186
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,217
Great news, Liz.
187
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,552
I'm in the clinical trial
188
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,512
for a military-grade
anti-sleeping pill.
189
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,264
Of course you are.
190
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,658
So now I can still
be on the show
191
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,118
as much as you want
and do the movie.
192
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,894
Look how much energy I have.
193
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,785
Whoo! [Giggles
maniacally] Come on, guys.
194
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,534
I just have to go and
get out of jury duty,
195
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,108
and we can talk about all of
this when I get back, okay?
196
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,152
Okay! Frank!
197
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,528
Oh. Hey.
198
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:44,529
I thought you left.
199
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,989
Listen to me.
200
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,074
I am not asking
you this as the boss
201
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,367
you love to undermine,
202
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,454
but as the friend whose
birthday you love to forget.
203
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,746
Oops.
204
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:54,997
Just be normal sauce
205
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,416
for like two hours.
206
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,251
Please.
207
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,170
I will be right back.
208
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,130
Bye!
209
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,466
And I don't really
think it's fair for me
210
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,968
to be in a jury because
I'm a hologram.
211
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,679
You seem fine to me.
Report to jury Room B.
212
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,473
Charles whatnow?
213
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,522
(Spaceman) The
subject's unusually thirsty.
214
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,442
[Chatter]
215
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,444
Everyone shut up. Shut up, Lutz.
216
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:25,445
Where's Lemon?
217
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,017
She went to get
out of jury duty.
218
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,591
Can we get lunch
from McDonald's today?
219
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,242
No. I need your creative input.
220
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,079
I have spent the better
part of the last three years
221
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,251
developing a portable,
miniature microwave oven.
222
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,558
Most of that time has been spent
223
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,751
focused on coming up
with a hip, edgy name
224
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,103
for the product,
something that will appeal
225
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,379
to the marketing holy Trinity:
226
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:43,731
College students,
the morbidly obese,
227
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:44,339
and homosexuals.
228
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,257
Unfortunately, legal
just informed me
229
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,010
that the name we settled on
for our bite-size microwave,
230
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,262
the Bitenuker, is
highly offensive to those
231
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,181
who speak either
French or Dutch.
232
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,059
A Franco-dutchman would
pronounce it "bet nyuker."
233
00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,936
Hey. Zat's awful.
234
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,146
I'm sorry, miss
Laroche-Van der Hoot.
235
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,798
This product rolls
out in two days.
236
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,609
We're in danger of losing
the European market.
237
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,779
Everyone here needs
to brainstorm new names.
238
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,431
Starting today,
you are all members
239
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,198
of the microwave division.
240
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,741
We should make t-shirts!
241
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,785
Yes. And you're
in charge of that.
242
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,277
Remember, this isn'ttgs, guys.
243
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:19,165
Let's not shoot for
the middle this time.
244
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,502
Uh, absolutely not.
245
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,341
Excuse me, imperial guard,
246
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:32,429
how long do these
arson trials typically last?
247
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:33,430
Couple of weeks, probably.
248
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,432
You can drop the voice.
249
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,284
Oh, this used to get
me out of jury duty
250
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,144
in Chicago all the time.
251
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,476
This ain't Chicago, honey.
252
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,480
Look at these people.
253
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,275
(Liz) Oh, my
254
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,860
[phone rings]
255
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,152
Studio 6h.
256
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,361
Kenneth, it's Liz.
257
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,322
Liz Lemon, where are you?
258
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,700
The pig spoor has
hit the wind spinner.
259
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,828
Mr. Jordan cussed
at Martha Stewart,
260
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,347
and miss Maroney drank
all the water out of the toilets.
261
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,571
And I keep starting to sneeze,
262
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:00,831
but nothing comes out.
263
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,710
What? Does anyone
there listen to me?
264
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,202
It's not my fault, miss Lemon.
265
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,605
You didn't put anyone in charge.
266
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:07,922
Look, I've been put on a jury
267
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,334
I will head up there as soon
268
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,776
as we are dismissed for the day.
269
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:14,345
Try not to let anything
else bad happen.
270
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,475
I'm in charge.
271
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,686
Attention, everyone.
272
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:25,440
All menstruating women
go home immediately.
273
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,817
[Rat squeaks]
274
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,987
Huh. He's been doing
that for almost eight hours,
275
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,781
Dr. Vicky.
276
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,467
You know what I like
to do for eight hours?
277
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,576
The TV guide crossword puzzle.
278
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:37,285
[Rat squeaks]
279
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,663
Give me your hand.
Now look into my eyes.
280
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:41,414
Okay.
281
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,708
Uh, now let's try one
282
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,520
where you're not
clawing at the window.
283
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:46,294
I don't think so, Steven.
284
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,253
This feels more natural.
285
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,305
It's just you're saying,
"give me your hand."
286
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,634
This is what my
character would do.
287
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,763
Oh, you're back.
288
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,933
Guess I'm not in charge anymore.
289
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,688
Hello? Guys?
290
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,108
I've got a couple hours.
291
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:13,904
Where is everybody?
292
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,299
(Jack) They're all dead, Lemon.
293
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,323
What?
294
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,033
They're all dead
unless they come up
295
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,160
with a name for my
pocket microwave.
296
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,120
They're up in my
office right now,
297
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,331
where there are
fewer... foosballs.
298
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,250
So who's writing the show?
299
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,086
Now that you're back, I
thought you could do it yourself.
300
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,505
How hard can it be?
"Hey, I'm rapping Obama."
301
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,258
Welcome to another episode
of robot/bear talk show."
302
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,777
Hey, I'm Josh
doing an impression
303
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,052
of DeNiro as an auctioneer.
304
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,780
[Impersonating DeNiro]
"Do I hear $1,000?
305
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,804
Do I hear $1,000?"
306
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,223
Wow, that's really good.
307
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:41,700
Jenna fills in time with a song.
308
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,393
"Good night, good
night." Mild applause.
309
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,603
You'll be done in an hour.
310
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,440
In the meantime, any
ideas for microwave names?
311
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,609
Oh, okay. Um, the small wonder.
312
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,154
The micromate. The porta-hotty.
313
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,464
If you're not going
to take this seriously,
314
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,114
then do your job.
315
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,116
Write the show,
and, more importantly,
316
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,408
deal with Tracy.
317
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,856
How? That guy's got enough money
318
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,163
to pay fcc fines for
the next 200 years.
319
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,454
Forget the fines.
320
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,861
I've already dealt with the fcc.
321
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,543
And NBC is issuing an
apology on Tracy's behalf.
322
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,171
Your problem is your
advertisers are pulling out.
323
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,006
Oh, my god. With no ads...
324
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,007
No ads, no TGS.
325
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,760
No TGS, I see you
self-publishing your novel
326
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,492
and moving back
in with your parents.
327
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,390
No. Okay. I'll go talk to Tracy.
328
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,559
Hello, Liz Lemon.
329
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,187
Just catching up on some work.
330
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,478
Really? Yes.
331
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,814
What sounds more shocking?
332
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,149
[Bleep]
333
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,441
Or
334
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,483
[bleep]?
335
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,195
Oh, god.
336
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,155
Here you go. Everything's okay.
337
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:38,698
What? No, Tracy.
338
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,926
Just because you have money
doesn't mean you can say
339
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:44,412
whatever [bleep]
thing that you want.
340
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,374
This has gotten bigger
than you just paying fines.
341
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,044
Our sponsors are
pulling out because of you.
342
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,616
And if we don't
have advertisers,
343
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,239
they're gonna pull
the plug on TGS.
344
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,007
Think about how
you're hurting the crew.
345
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,508
I don't want to hurt the crew.
346
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,800
I love the crew.
347
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,428
All we do is joke
around together
348
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,641
about our stupid
boss, Liz Lem...
349
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,093
Well, anyway, unless you know
350
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:09,395
an advertiser that really
wants to be associated with this,
351
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,980
you need to stop.
352
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,024
Great idea, Liz Lemon.
353
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,501
Wait, which part of what I
said are you talking about?
354
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:15,693
The first 2/3.
355
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,154
I don't need to
stop being myself
356
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,323
if I am the advertiser.
357
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,324
I have the money.
358
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:22,992
I'll just buy up all the ads
359
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,453
and let the hilarious
Tracy Jordan character
360
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,745
do whatever he wants.
361
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:27,956
Put the phone down.
362
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,516
You can't do that.
Jack won't let you.
363
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,060
We'll see about that.
[Tapping buttons]
364
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:34,295
Kenneth, I need you to
set up a meeting with you
365
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,047
and the folks from ad sales.
366
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,466
What do you mean you're
not in charge anymore?
367
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,219
[Groans]
368
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,097
Sir, Tracy Jordan
from TracyCo called
369
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,469
to invite you to a luncheon
370
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,933
celebrating their
new ad campaign.
371
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,535
What... seriously,
Jonathan, not now.
372
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:49,759
All right, everyone, it's back
373
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:50,645
to the drawing board.
374
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,981
Legal rejected all of our ideas.
375
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,667
Every one of the
names we came up with
376
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:55,275
was offensive in some language.
377
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,402
Including English, Frank.
378
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,237
They knew what
a hot Richard was?
379
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,115
So we're going to
think outside the box
380
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,407
a little bit here.
381
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,284
I am going to pick
382
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,595
some random letters from
this bag of scrabble tiles.
383
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,871
Let fate choose a name for us.
384
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:12,875
V. A. G.
385
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,295
Why don't we start over?
386
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,422
N. I...
387
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:20,091
I have an idea.
388
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:23,553
Why don't I just
pull them all at once?
389
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,345
Why don't we take a break?
390
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:27,711
Uh, Jonathan,
could you get Lemon
391
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:30,476
on the phone for me, please?
392
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,938
Ms. Gaulke, how long
have you been an employee
393
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,149
of mailboxes plus?
394
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,108
[Cell phone buzzes]
395
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,877
(Gaulke) I have been an
assistant Manager there
396
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,486
for over seven years.
397
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:41,195
(Prosecutor) And how
would you describe
398
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,631
the events that took place there
399
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,157
on December 17th?
400
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,075
The night of the fire. Yes.
401
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,911
Christmas was always a
very busy time at the store.
402
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,205
Throw in a late
hanukkah and the fact
403
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,249
that I work in a
"Kwanzaa neighborhood,"
404
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,252
and it all made for
a very stressful day.
405
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:59,505
I sent Malik uptown
for more 18-inch boxes,
406
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:03,843
but he returned unrepentant
with 12-inch ones.
407
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,139
Christine was la te,
as well as Harry s.
408
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,600
They said it was a
problem with the subways,
409
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,852
but I suspect they were
doing sex with each other.
410
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,772
How many employees
do you have, Ms. Gaulke?
411
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,190
I supervise 12 employees,
412
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:20,193
most of whom would be
unemployable in any other field.
413
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,862
They are selfish,
irresponsible people
414
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,198
who I know talk about
me behind my back.
415
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:26,699
They seem to think
416
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,327
that their job is wasting
my time and energy
417
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:32,080
by making their every
miniscule problem
418
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,831
my personal responsibility.
419
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,333
They don't care.
420
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,461
And don't even get me
started on Tracy and Jenna.
421
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:41,964
And when the last one of
them trundled off that night,
422
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,616
I smelled the air,
and I could feel
423
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,260
that it was time.
424
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,970
Time for a new beginning.
425
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,722
And I knew that
this was possible
426
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,725
only through a cleansing fire.
427
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,602
It would all have to burn.
428
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,063
The packing peanuts,
the delivery slips...
429
00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:00,817
All of it would dance in
the warm mouth of my fire.
430
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,652
And a new, better, wonderful me
431
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:07,281
would rise from the
ashes like a Phoenix.
432
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:13,204
Behold the splendor
of my beginning!
433
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:17,083
(Prosecutor) I rest
my case, your honor.
434
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,972
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
435
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,172
Underlings, I want
to hear your ideas.
436
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,984
Oh, my god! I knew
this day would come.
437
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:25,550
I have so much inside of me.
438
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,093
My first idea is
439
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,262
a movie that combines
action and romance.
440
00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,013
Kenneth, you go.
441
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:35,268
A name for a pocket
microwave oven.
442
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,187
That's neat. A little
microwave oven.
443
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,273
So it's kinda like a funcooker.
444
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,608
The funcooker!
445
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:43,900
Yes!
446
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,863
It's snappy, fresh, and
incapable of offending.
447
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,614
Jonathan, get
legal on the phone.
448
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,117
Kenneth, I owe you one.
449
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:54,370
One hug, you mean?
450
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,705
Jonathan?
451
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,057
Sir, they're reading
Mr. Jordan's apology
452
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,292
if you want to watch it.
453
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,864
(Nancy O'Dell)
"I regret any pain
454
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,545
"my words and actions
may have caused.
455
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,255
"I apologize to
my family, my fans,
456
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,923
"and the American public.
457
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,925
Peace and love, Tracy Jordan."
458
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,927
A heartfelt apology
from a comedy icon.
459
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:10,845
And we'll be right back.
460
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,973
I do not apologize, america.
461
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,933
I didn't even
write that apology.
462
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:16,726
I am advertiser
463
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,937
Tracy Jordan, and I
approve this message.
464
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:24,108
I'm an advertiser.
I am an advertiser.
465
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,903
Is that 30 seconds yet?
466
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,907
Doesn't matter.
467
00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:33,201
We have the funcooker.
468
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,953
Kenneth, hi, it's Liz.
469
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,747
I should be able to get up there
470
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,248
in an hour.
471
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,700
Where are you rushing off to?
472
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,791
Work?
473
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,836
Not me.
474
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,528
I'm gonna have a
sandwich in my cell
475
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:46,796
and take a nap.
476
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,424
This man opens doors for me.
477
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,801
I'm free.
478
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:52,220
I'm freer than you.
479
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,347
I'm freer than you.
480
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,646
Professor bananas is dead.
481
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:05,274
Look, I know we're fighting,
but I need to borrow your car.
482
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,860
(Woman on pa) 30 seconds to air.
483
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,737
How are you feeling,
miss Maroney?
484
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:10,488
Great. Alert.
485
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,908
Hey, is your vision
steadily narrowing down
486
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,220
to a pinpoint as if the
darkness is closing in on you?
487
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,537
No, ma'am.
488
00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,540
[Growls]
489
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,292
(Woman on pa) Cast is
set for robot/bear talk show.
490
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:24,710
Crew, take your places.
491
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,002
I'm back. I'm back.
492
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,314
What's going on?
What have they done?
493
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,047
Do we need to shut this down?
494
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,339
Lemon, calm down.
495
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,901
Everything's going
to work out just fine.
496
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:31,965
The show's about to begin,
497
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,176
your sketch is adequate,
498
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:34,507
and I've got the funcooker.
499
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:35,762
What? What about the...
500
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,115
(Man on TV) It's
the bear and robot
501
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:37,640
talk show.
502
00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,392
Okay.
503
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:43,563
Jenna needs to sleep,
or she's going to die!
504
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:45,940
Which one of you is Jenna?
505
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,733
Oh.
506
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,736
Go to sleep! Sleep, Jenna!
507
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,446
Sleep! It's for your own good.
508
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,824
Don't fight me.
509
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,659
Don't fight me!
510
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,954
[Grunting] Sleep or die!
511
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,372
(Tracy) Hey, america.
512
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:02,808
Come on, Tracy.
Please cover for them.
513
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,375
Check out my funcooker.
514
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,003
Did he just say funcooker?
515
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,840
Oh, that's where
I've heard that.
516
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,050
(Spaceman) Sleep, Jenna!
517
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,304
Go to commercial.
Go to commercial!
518
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,015
Go to commercial.
519
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,518
Hi, I'm Tracy Jordan.
520
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,146
My wife's throwing away
some of our old towels.
521
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,647
Do you want them?
522
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,339
'Cause they're out
by the trashcans.
523
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,568
Now that's got to be 30 seconds.
524
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,653
Nine?
525
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,864
Okay, here comes the funcooker.
526
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,156
[Gasps]
527
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:46,959
I'll be with you in a minute.
528
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:52,048
Could we get some diet
slice and pita chips up in here?
529
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,166
Bitenuker!
530
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,751
[Sirens beep]
531
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,797
[Coughs]
532
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:37,927
Oh, 9:00 A.M. Monday.
533
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,096
Right, Liz? I'll be
there with pants on.
534
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,388
[Laughs] You're the best.
535
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:42,640
Hi, girlfriend.
536
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,059
Let's go out this weekend
and talk about you.
537
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,145
All I did was ask
for a diet slice
538
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,022
and some pita chips.
539
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:52,650
Nice try, Liz.
540
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,402
Now it's my turn.
541
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,323
Well, they're all
terrified of you.
542
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:03,160
That'll get you a
week of good behavior.
543
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,580
My containers.
544
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,499
My new beginning.
545
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,876
Lemon, we've both
had a rough week.
546
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,753
You went firebug,
and I'm sitting
547
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,880
on four million mini-microwaves
548
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,812
that legal won't let
out of the warehouse.
549
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,767
I suggest we both go
to our respective homes,
550
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,261
open a bottle of wine,
551
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,223
and heat up some
ham in the shower.
552
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,766
It works in the shower?
553
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,643
You know what?
554
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:31,522
This really is the
best day ever.
555
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,402
(Tracy) Here
comes the funcooker!
39224
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