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1
00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:03,170
[Applause]
2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,255
Thanks for coming out.
Thanks for watching.
3
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:06,882
Love, peace, and hair grease.
4
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:08,425
[Applause]
5
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,302
Hey, Liz.
6
00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,071
Me, Lutz, Toofer, and Josh
are gonna go to that bar
7
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,014
where the waiters
are dressed like ninjas.
8
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:14,723
You in?
9
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,892
No, I'm just gonna
go to the 24-hour
10
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,184
donut place and go home.
11
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,728
All right.
12
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,020
Donuts and then bed.
13
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,790
What are you depressed
about or celebrating?
14
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,692
It's this endless
adoption process.
15
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,224
It took me three months... Liz.
16
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:28,403
I am totally humiliated.
17
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,614
How could you
cut diaper chicken?
18
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:34,409
Wait, I know. Because
Tracy's the star.
19
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,141
Oh, brother, she's
feeling neglected.
20
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,330
How's she gonna
act out this time?
21
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,832
My ankle! Ah!
22
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,168
Oh, imaginary injury.
23
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,060
I would have said
death of a voice coach.
24
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,713
Her birthday's on Tuesday.
25
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,466
Maybe all that attention will
make her ankle feel better.
26
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,301
Hey, Jack!
27
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,488
What are you still doing
here? It's Friday night.
28
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,846
I need something to do.
29
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,890
Don't you have
some gallery opening
30
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,559
or a fundraiser to give bowties
31
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,185
to inner city youths?
32
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:01,687
Of course.
33
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,059
But I'm committed to Elisa.
34
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,110
While she's away I'm
trying to avoid temptation.
35
00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:07,651
I just need somewhere I
can socialize where women
36
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,319
aren't an issue. Finally!
37
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,530
[Indistinct chatter]
38
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,073
Hey, now. Ninja times!
39
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:16,076
[Exciting jazz music]
40
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:21,957
♪ ♪
41
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,135
(Liz) Excuse me?
42
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,055
Can we get a little
service over here... okay.
43
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,987
Dude, I know you're
getting these messages
44
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,101
because I know how
to check your voicemail.
45
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,270
You are officially a d-bag, Tim.
46
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:47,107
I hope you lose your
indoor soccer game!
47
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,151
Sorry, what can I get you?
48
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,443
A dozen assorted for me
49
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,820
to take home to my family
50
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,112
and the lady will have...
51
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,240
A dozen assorted.
52
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,117
[Gasps]
53
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,748
[Whispers] Adoption brochure.
54
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,626
Should you be working
the night shift alone like this?
55
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,669
It's fine. They gave me a gun.
56
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:08,961
[Register beeps]
57
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,004
That's $6.80.
58
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,882
I will have mine
to stay, please.
59
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,092
You want a dozen donuts to stay?
60
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,886
And a skim milk.
61
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:18,055
What are you doing,
Liz? Making a new friend.
62
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,824
I don't like this. You
have crazy eyes.
63
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:20,848
You have shut-up mouth.
64
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:25,437
I don't want any part of
this. Then get out of here.
65
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,565
Boy, that creative
thing you guys do,
66
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:29,876
writing jokes for a living,
67
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,568
making the world laugh.
68
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:35,530
What do your dads
tell their friends you do?
69
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:36,531
Surgeon.
70
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:37,908
Optometrist.
71
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,200
Died.
72
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,161
I never really knew my dad.
73
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,913
So I just lie to myself.
74
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,498
Space assassin.
75
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,270
I grew up without
a father too, Frank.
76
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,627
Good ol' Billy Donaghy
left when I was two.
77
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,963
He'd show up every now and
then to impregnate my mom,
78
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,633
punch out umpires
in my little league.
79
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,045
Last time I saw my dad, he
went out to get the candles
80
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,888
for my fourth-birthday
lasagne and never came back.
81
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,557
My whole life I said I
was gonna be something.
82
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,893
Restore the glory of
the Rossitano name.
83
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,230
In sicilian dialect, it
means "well poisoner."
84
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,650
In Gaelic, Donaghy
means "dung basket."
85
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,086
So I worked my
ass off at S.U.N.Y.
86
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,152
Got into Fordham law.
87
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,613
No. You went to law school?
88
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:17,905
Yeah.
89
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,491
But I had to drop
out after a semester
90
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:20,783
'cause my mom got sick.
91
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,203
Mothers.
92
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:24,037
So what are we
doing next, fellas?
93
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,206
Don't tell me we're
calling it a night already.
94
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,124
How lame do you think we are?
95
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:28,500
The night is young.
96
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,272
We're going to Lutz's
to watch movies.
97
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,878
Tonight, a classic.
98
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,255
Harry and the Hendersons.
99
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,256
You in, Jack?
100
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:37,551
Uh, yes, but I don't wanna
go to Lutz's apartment.
101
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,043
His contract is up and I
don't wanna feel sorry for him.
102
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,722
What do you say
we go to my place?
103
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,140
I can do it. Sounds good.
104
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,183
And when I told
Tim I was pregnant,
105
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,519
he just freaked out and
didn't call me for a week.
106
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,646
Then he texted
me and he was like,
107
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,107
"oh, I love you.
No, I'm mad at you.
108
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,399
You did this on purpose."
109
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,776
As if.
110
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,738
Meanwhile, his Myface
page still says "status: Horny."
111
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,240
And I'm, like, if you
care about me at all,
112
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,868
at least have the decency
to Skype me face to face.
113
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,995
Man, there are just so many
114
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,957
different devices for guys
to not call you on now.
115
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,351
When I was your age,
you could just be like,
116
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,628
"oh, he probably tried to
call me but my line was busy."
117
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,506
And then just watch falcon
crest and cry yourself to sleep.
118
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,802
Thanks for listening to me blab.
119
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:24,473
So what's your plan
when the baby comes?
120
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,765
I don't know.
121
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,410
I've been talking
to an adoption lady,
122
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,714
but I just don't
feel comfortable
123
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:29,852
with any of the people.
124
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,564
They all just seem
really old and weird.
125
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,735
Not one of them
even knew who Neo is.
126
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:40,197
♪ I need you [mumbles] ♪
127
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:44,493
Finally, thank you.
Somebody cool for once.
128
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,788
Get out of here!
129
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,081
Can't you see we don't
want you anymore?
130
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:53,543
Why can't you go back
where you came from?
131
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,587
And leave us alone!
132
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,552
Go.
133
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,263
Go!
134
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,643
[Harry moans]
135
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,524
Good-bye, my friend.
136
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,527
He had to be mean to save him.
137
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,946
Harry belonged in the woods.
138
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,948
It gets me every time.
139
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,618
This reminds me
of my favorite movie.
140
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,202
Shane.
141
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,955
Aww, when Joey
wants to go with Shane
142
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,040
and Shane makes him stay?
143
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,918
Maybe it's because
we didn't have fathers.
144
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,690
Maybe that's why
we're drawn to movies
145
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,255
where the father-figure
pushes away
146
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:42,509
the child/legendary
north-American forest ape.
147
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,470
Yeah, but in the
movies, it's a good thing.
148
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,013
Harry went back to the woods.
149
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,932
It works out in real life too.
150
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,767
We're both doing all right.
151
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,978
Yeah.
152
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:58,108
[Snorts]
153
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,193
Mm.hmm, mm.
154
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,654
[Knock at door] (Kenneth)
Excuse me, Mr. Jordan.
155
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,586
I was just updating
my staff birthday list
156
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,175
and I discovered
I don't have yours.
157
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,844
That's because I don't
have a birthday, Ken.
158
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:08,577
What?
159
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,149
I don't have a birth certificate
160
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,967
'cause I was born
inside of yankee stadium.
161
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,082
I bounced around
foster families so much,
162
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,042
no one ever bothered
to throw me a party.
163
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,670
Oh, but even prisoners
have birthday parties.
164
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,505
I saw one on oz.
165
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,215
It was... interesting.
166
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,800
I don't need a birthday.
167
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,177
'Cause I buy myself
all the presents I need.
168
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:29,556
And because of my drinking,
they're often a surprise.
169
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,474
Oh, but birthdays
aren't about presents.
170
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,846
They're about being surrounded
by people who love you
171
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,188
and eating a cake with your
name on it and making a wish.
172
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,234
I'm sad you never had that.
173
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:45,739
My birthday's September
21st, not that anyone asked.
174
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,490
Hi, Frank. Oh, hey, Jack.
175
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,182
This morning it hit
me in the shower
176
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,578
why the Hendersons
named their guest Harry.
177
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:52,495
Yeah.
178
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,039
That film has layers.
179
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,999
I was also thinking
about what you told me
180
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,876
about your family
and law school.
181
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,628
Yeah, sorry. I was drunk.
182
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,147
I shouldn't have
told you that stuff.
183
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:01,880
No, no, no. I'm glad you did.
184
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,340
We have a lot in common.
185
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:04,841
We both have recurring dreams
186
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,694
about being overpowered
by a female bodybuilder.
187
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,262
Okay, we were both drunk.
188
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:10,889
But I wanna help you.
189
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,016
So I made some phone
calls and if you want,
190
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,936
you can resume your
law studies at Columbia,
191
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:19,564
this semester, full
scholarship, no strings attached.
192
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,399
Are you serious?
193
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:22,901
Make your mother proud, Frank.
194
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:26,446
Make your father hate any
new children he might have.
195
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,699
But... I've got a
whole other life now.
196
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,910
I guess.
197
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:35,163
But we both know you shouldn't
be working at a desk with...
198
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,623
Fake vomit on it.
199
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,750
Right.
200
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,962
Fake.
201
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,630
Excuse me.
202
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,591
Oh, god, please don't be a
daughter I didn't know about.
203
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:47,883
Becca!
204
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,552
Hi. Oh.
205
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,054
Congratulations.
206
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:54,015
(Pete) What is she doing here?
207
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,059
She is the show's
new youth consultant.
208
00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,978
It's a thing. The cw has them.
209
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,771
Oh, my god.
210
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,791
I can't believe you're
in charge of all of this.
211
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,775
It is challenging and satisfying
212
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,236
but it can't fulfill all of me.
213
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:07,713
I've got so much more to give.
214
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:08,405
Welcome.
215
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,657
Um, so do you want me to start
216
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,325
youth consulting now?
217
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,452
Because kids would
not be into that.
218
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,744
Oh, Lutz?
219
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,914
Yeah, that guy's the worst.
220
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,846
Kenneth, this is the
dress I'll be wearing
221
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:20,500
to my birthday party.
222
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,061
Please make sure
no one else plans
223
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,085
to wear the same thing.
224
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,421
Yes, ma'am.
225
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:25,713
Did you know Mr. Jordan
226
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,424
has never had a birthday party?
227
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,009
He was too poor growing up.
228
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,927
Oh, that's horrible.
229
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,847
My heart goes out to
all the inner city kids.
230
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,391
Especially those too fat
to dance their way out.
231
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,923
I'm glad you feel that way,
'cause we have this big party
232
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:39,811
planned for you.
233
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,103
I know.
234
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,147
And we thought you could
share it with Mr. Jordan.
235
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,774
The party, the
attention, everything.
236
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,027
Isn't that a great idea?
237
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,490
That's so great.
238
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,826
I can't believe
Tim hasn't called.
239
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,163
I guess I don't even
care about us anymore.
240
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,123
But this is his baby.
241
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,135
I mean, him not even
being there for the kid
242
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,292
is totally washed.
243
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,421
Typical Tim.
244
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,713
Anyway
245
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,258
I guess I have two choices.
246
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,652
Go back home, try
to get back with Tim
247
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,512
and keep the baby,
or give up the baby
248
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:15,930
and focus on my music.
249
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,975
So, Tim, keep baby.
250
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,311
Music, give up baby.
251
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,564
Can I play you one of my songs?
252
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,524
♪ Now we are joined ♪
253
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,860
♪ in a cobweb of rainbows ♪
254
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,152
Stop.
255
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,361
Stop right there.
256
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,031
Tears.
257
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,451
The world needs
to hear your music.
258
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,120
[Acoustic guitar plays]
259
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,231
You have crossed
a line, Liz Lemon.
260
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,142
Becca's never gonna
make it with those songs.
261
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:43,875
Says who?
262
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,502
Being terrible has
never prevented
263
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:46,854
success in the music business.
264
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,047
Look at biz Markie or the doors.
265
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,150
Look, before we were
happily married with five kids,
266
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,509
Paula and I were Tim and Becca.
267
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,320
And I can tell you right
now, she is confused
268
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,637
and he is terrified.
269
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:56,929
He ran away, Pete.
270
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,681
So did I. Five times.
271
00:09:58,973 --> 00:09:59,973
But I came back.
272
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:03,186
And when my caveman
brain saw those babies
273
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:07,398
with their little Hornberger
foreheads, it clicked.
274
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:11,528
You gotta give Tim and
Becca the same chance.
275
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,452
Hey, what are you doing?
276
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,538
My pregnant teen message
board says the baby
277
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,150
gets all its food
from the mother,
278
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,958
so you have to
give it stuff it likes.
279
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,751
No, the baby can't
taste anything.
280
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,628
It just gets nutrients from you.
281
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,964
I'm gonna post a reply to JUNO32
282
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,841
and tell her she's
a giant asswipe.
283
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,134
[Chuckling]
284
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,010
I can't believe you
don't have kids.
285
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,302
What's that?
286
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,850
Well, you'd make
such a great mom.
287
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,811
You're smart,
successful, grounded.
288
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,146
Aw, go on.
289
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:47,498
You already dress like a mom.
290
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:48,690
And stop.
291
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,276
It's not the right time
for me to have a family.
292
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,444
But is that something
you'd want?
293
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,946
Yeah, Becca. It is.
294
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,318
Will you sing with me, Liz?
295
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,531
Oh, I'd rath...
296
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,117
♪ Mothers and fathers ♪
297
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,619
♪ and jugglers and judges ♪
298
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:07,000
♪ now we are joined in
a cobweb of rainbows ♪
299
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,418
He's coming!
300
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,713
The plan is working!
I bit my tongue!
301
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:14,882
[All] Surprise!
302
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,634
Happy birthday!
303
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,011
[Indistinct chatter]
304
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,972
Oh, what a schmo,
entering first.
305
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,304
Now I'm the headliner and
he's just the warm-up act.
306
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,852
I'm Mr. Don Rickles
and he's just me.
307
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,478
But I don't have a birthday!
308
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,939
You do now 'cause
we all love you
309
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,358
and wanted you to feel this Joy.
310
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,902
I do feel it.
311
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,528
You're all so amazing.
312
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,739
And to think I was
just calling y'all
313
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,240
a bunch of racists.
314
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,867
Aww. [Applause]
315
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,869
Stop.
316
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,161
Jenna time.
317
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:44,996
Friends. Frank?
318
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,832
I am leaving TGS
319
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,251
for Columbia law school
to pursue my dream
320
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,670
of becoming a lawyer.
321
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:56,090
[Cheers and applause]
322
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,886
(Kenneth) Did you know
that if you sing happy birthday
323
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,679
on a TV show you
have to pay for it?
324
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:02,971
I did not know that.
325
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,139
♪ Hap... ♪
326
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,308
Hey!
327
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,952
My dad got us all
seats for opening day
328
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,019
at the new yankee stadium!
329
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:10,563
[Cheers and applause]
330
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:16,486
[Chanting] Cerie, Cerie,
Cerie, Cerie, Cerie!
331
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,154
Ow, ow.
332
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:18,947
[Chanting continues]
333
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,075
No one ask me
about my back brace.
334
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,995
(Ken) Make a wish,
Mr. Jordan. Blow out the candles.
335
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,747
[Cheers and applause]
336
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,399
[Chanting] Cerie, Frank, and
Tracy! Cerie, Frank, and Tracy!
337
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,500
No one ask me
338
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,920
about my back brace!
[Chanting continues]
339
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,047
Oh!
340
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,134
Hey, Jack. Frank.
341
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,594
Is that you?
342
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,638
I decided to take
you up on your offer.
343
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,765
Good man, and
you went to my tailor.
344
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:49,018
That's the same cut Reagan
wore the day he got shot.
345
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,310
My mom is going nuts.
346
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,665
She's insisting you come over
and let her cook you dinner.
347
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,565
Home cooked Italian? I'm there.
348
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,026
Now let me hear you say the
seven most important words
349
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,598
in the American judicial system.
350
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,072
My client has no memory of that.
351
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,573
I also would have accepted,
352
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,593
"you can't prove that's
the governor's semen."
353
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,617
Okay.
354
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:06,827
Yes!
355
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,751
What's the matter, Mr. Jordan?
356
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,187
I know you only
make cheese friends
357
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,230
when something's bothering you.
358
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,254
You were right, Ken.
359
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,673
Birthdays are special.
360
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,258
And now mine's over.
361
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,760
And who knows when
February 24th will come again?
362
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,637
Now that warm,
happy feeling is gone,
363
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,472
there's no cake in my mouth,
364
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,266
and that birthday
wish is malarkey.
365
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,894
Malarkey!
366
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,730
Come on, Daniel.
367
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,109
I am so proud of you.
368
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,401
A lawyer.
369
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,571
Someday you'll have
an ad on the subway
370
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,489
in English and Spanish.
371
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:44,198
Yeah.
372
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,575
And this man.
373
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,453
What you have done for my boy.
374
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:52,290
Frankie, go open
up some more wine.
375
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,208
You got it, mom.
376
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,756
What do you think
you're doing to my boy?
377
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,048
I'm trying to help him.
378
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:02,467
I see myself in Frank.
379
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,445
I mean, we both have
fathers that abandoned us.
380
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,738
What do you know
about his father?
381
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,473
You want Frank to be a lawyer
so he won't be like his father?
382
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,766
His father was a lawyer!
383
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,392
And his father's father.
384
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,004
All the Rossitano
men are lawyers.
385
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,520
It's in their blood
to be lawyers!
386
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,939
Then what's the... for the mob!
387
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,441
What?
388
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,151
Frankie's father
didn't abandon him.
389
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,236
He's in hiding in Phoenix.
390
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,198
Every Rossitano
man is either in hiding
391
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,158
or six feet under.
392
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,118
You want me to
paint you a picture?
393
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,661
'Cause I did!
394
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:34,999
It's part of a
therapy-through-painting thing.
395
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,459
I had no idea.
396
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,419
Well, you shoulda guessed.
397
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,505
I don't think I should have.
398
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,256
Whatever.
399
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,468
I am not gonna take my
kid's dream away from him.
400
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,944
You made this
mess, you clean it up.
401
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,512
I don't care how.
402
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:52,683
But Francis Rossitano
cannot become a lawyer.
403
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:55,842
(Cerie) Yeah, hold on a second.
404
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,104
Liz.
405
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,146
Do you know a Tim?
406
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,272
What? Why?
407
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,567
Security says that there's
a Tim Baker downstairs.
408
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:02,527
Here? He came here?
409
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,112
That's Becca's ex-boyfriend.
410
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,697
Tell them to send him to 15.
411
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,534
He's coming to steal my baby.
412
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,107
Don't even ask
about the wheelchair.
413
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:18,751
Okay.
414
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,671
Also, my old vocal coach died!
415
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:26,008
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
416
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,300
Lemon, are you okay?
417
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:28,010
That pregnant girl,
418
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,929
she was going to
give me her baby.
419
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,557
But now that dad is here,
he's gonna ruin everything.
420
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,016
What are you about to do?
421
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,744
I'm the one who's
been there for Becca
422
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,936
for almost two days.
423
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,564
This Tim guy is totally washed!
424
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,336
Lemon, there was
once a great American
425
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,901
named George Henderson.
426
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,154
He met a woodland
ape, or Sasquatch,
427
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,465
and despite its dangerous
message of environmentalism,
428
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,199
became his friend.
429
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,243
When the time came
to do the hard thing
430
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,704
and send it back into the
forest where it belonged
431
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,356
and birds could perch on its
shoulder because it was gentle,
432
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,167
George Henderson
summoned the strength
433
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,919
and by god, he did it.
434
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,921
Did it hurt? You bet it hurt.
435
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,590
Like a bastard.
436
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:09,051
But he did it because it
was the right thing to do...
437
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:11,596
For the woodland ape.
438
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,014
You think about that.
439
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,433
What?!
440
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,729
Is that Harry and
the Hendersons?
441
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,021
You've seen it?
442
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,899
This is my life, Jack.
443
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:28,946
Oh, my!
444
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,318
Miss Maroney, are you okay?
445
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,950
Well, I think I'll be okay in
time for tomorrow's show.
446
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,536
But then I have to
go in for more tests.
447
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,205
I'm so brave.
448
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,373
Oh, I wish you felt better
449
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,726
so you could help us figure out
450
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,793
what Mr. Jordan's
birthday wish coulda been.
451
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,085
What? Why?
452
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,714
So we can make it
come true and his birthday
453
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:47,673
can go on and on.
454
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,550
We've narrowed it down to
455
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,093
"own a robocop,
456
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,970
"hunt that elephant that paints,
457
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,014
or breakfast in bed."
458
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,641
But it wasn't his birthday.
459
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,059
It was my birthday.
460
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:58,935
Oh, forget it.
461
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,853
I'm tired of making you people
462
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,563
try to care for me.
463
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,774
You don't care for me, clearly.
464
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,776
Nobody does.
465
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,153
My birthday wish came true!
466
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:09,779
What?
467
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,614
I wished for you to get better.
468
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,033
I was gonna wish for
breakfast in bed with robocop
469
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,701
while a elephant paints us.
470
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,537
We were close.
471
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,306
But then I saw you
with that back brace on
472
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,390
right before I blew
out my candles.
473
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,916
It's a birthday miracle!
474
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,834
Tracy, that's the kindest thing
475
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,504
anyone's ever done for me.
476
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:31,050
Now let's make miss Maroney's
birthday wish come true.
477
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,342
Oh, that's so sweet.
478
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,710
But who would I celebrate with
479
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,208
if y'all were in a car accident?
480
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:39,308
[Laughter]
481
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,314
Are you Tim? Becca's Tim?
482
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:48,192
I'm her friend, Jenna. And
she does not wanna see you.
483
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,611
She's very mad and
she wants you to leave.
484
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,614
Okay. That's, uh...
485
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:54,615
That's for the best.
486
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,200
Yeah.
487
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,994
Excuse me.
488
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,871
What floor is the
Sci-Fi channel on?
489
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,206
Argh! Fine, Lithgow.
490
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,709
I'll do the right thing. God!
491
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,753
I guess someone's been watching
the world according to garp.
492
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,755
Damn it, Tim, wait.
493
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,047
Becca does wanna see you.
494
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,695
She wants it more
than anything, okay?
495
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,194
No, when you said she
didn't wanna see me,
496
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,678
it was such a relief.
497
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,555
This baby thing
is freaking me out.
498
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,241
You know how many
people want what just got
499
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,474
dropped in your lap?
500
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:21,892
"Oh, now's not a good time.
501
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,824
"I wanna go to burning
man." Shut up, Tim!
502
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,062
Do you love Becca?
503
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,394
She's, like, my soul mate.
504
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,208
I mean, in another life...
You're not listening, dummy!
505
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,318
Nut up right now, get a job,
506
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,194
and help raise that kid.
507
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:33,880
Love it because it
has your goony face
508
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,740
and get married and
have disposable cameras
509
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:39,785
at the wedding because
it's fun and people like it.
510
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,077
Where are we going?
511
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:41,746
I already cleaned out my office.
512
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,541
You've gotta go back
where you belong.
513
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,168
You've gotta go.
514
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,919
No, I'm gonna be a lawyer.
515
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,548
I'm going to be like you.
516
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,216
Get outta here!
517
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,508
Go to the writer's room!
518
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:56,927
There is no scholarship!
519
00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:00,806
Can't you see we don't
want you anymore?
520
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,017
Think about it, Tim.
521
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,686
Do you really want your kid
to grow up without a father?
522
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,229
Jack, I don't understand.
523
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,689
[Whines]
524
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,941
Why don't you go back
where you came from?
525
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,443
Leave me alone!
526
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,582
Good-bye, my friend.
527
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:31,003
Those two, they both
grew up without fathers.
528
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,969
Hey, baby.
529
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,515
My god. Look at your boobs.
530
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,228
Kiss or something. Go on.
531
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,359
Oh. [Giggles]
532
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:56,362
[Both] ♪ rainbows
and the cobwebs ♪
533
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,322
♪ and the cobwebs
of the rainbows ♪
534
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:01,033
And stop.
535
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,455
I guess, in a way,
536
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,709
we both lost children today.
537
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,200
Yeah, but mine was real, Jack.
538
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,461
Yours was Frank.
539
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:13,963
Don't worry, Lemon.
540
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:19,802
I'm confident that someday
you'll have everything you want.
541
00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:22,239
Can someone please tell me
how to get out of this building?
542
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,639
It... it's like a maze!
543
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,307
I keep walking past the same...
544
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,393
Sbarro's!
545
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,145
Yeah.
546
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:32,314
I'm a celebrity! Please!
547
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,858
(Jack) Sad.
38097
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