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1
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,131
Ms. Lemon,
2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,650
here's the research you
wanted for that white house skit.
3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,092
Oh, okay, thanks.
4
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,136
You know it, lady Broseph!
5
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:13,680
[Grunting]
6
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:14,972
What!
7
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:15,849
Those are your new interns.
8
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,434
Aren't they a little old,
9
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:18,810
and over-dressed?
10
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,580
(Donaghy) They're all
former investment bankers
11
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:21,688
who were laid off
12
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,917
after that economic crash
that Nancy pelosi caused.
13
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,776
They've had zero
real-world skills,
14
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,068
but god, they work hard.
15
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,695
[Laughter]
16
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,072
Gentlemen,
17
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,574
I need you to run out
and pick up some flowers,
18
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,284
a collection of ba th soaps,
19
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:37,829
and some Spanish-language
gossip magazines.
20
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,831
Soap and Spanish magazines?
21
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:43,293
What, are you expecting
a visit from the, uh... um...
22
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,313
Oh, Lemon, don't start
unless you've got something.
23
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,714
Okay. Elisa's
grandmother's coming to visit.
24
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,342
I don't think she likes me.
25
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,012
I don't understand it.
26
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:54,888
Well, as long as
Elisa likes you,
27
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,700
that's all that
matters, right? Oh, no.
28
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:57,975
I need concepcion on board.
29
00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,627
She's the matriarch
of this family.
30
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:00,352
And in Puerto Rico,
31
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:03,480
elderly women are
held in very high esteem.
32
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,399
You should go there, Lemon.
33
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,693
They'd love you.
34
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:12,197
None of this is mine.
35
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:12,948
I live in 3-b, this is 13-b.
36
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,520
You know what, I'm gonna say it.
37
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,702
Women should
not deliver the mail.
38
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,620
Dr. Andrew Baird?
Do you know this guy?
39
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:19,912
I don't think so.
40
00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:20,974
Well, he's a pediatrician,
41
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:22,038
so you know he likes kids.
42
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,667
Or feet. No, no, kids.
43
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,419
He has a bill from
a divorce lawyer,
44
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,504
so you know he's single.
45
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,196
And he has a golf magazine,
so you know he's not gay or poor.
46
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:31,382
Jenna, come on.
47
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,230
Now let's see what
kind of movies he likes.
48
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,946
What are you doing?
That's a federal offense.
49
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,513
And you already
have two strikes. Shh.
50
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:37,889
I do not support this!
51
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,808
Muppets take Manhattan.
52
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,395
Caddyshack.
53
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,689
And a documentary
about how pies are made.
54
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,899
Hello, Dr. Baird.
55
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,319
Wasn't that a treat?
56
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,530
Only the special tours get
to see Conan without his wig.
57
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,241
Mi programa esta
empezando ahora.
58
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,784
Oh, I'm sorry.
59
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,411
But her show's on now.
60
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,183
Do you think we
could... uh, yes, yes.
61
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:06,543
Jonathan, would you come
and help Mrs. Padriera?
62
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:07,854
I think your
grandmother hates me.
63
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:08,878
I don't understand.
64
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,715
She's usually a
very loving person.
65
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,342
Is it because I'm white? No.
66
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,260
I've had white boyfriends.
67
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,970
Black, Cuban...
68
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,514
Brazilian guys with
German heritage... I get it.
69
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,886
You've been with other men.
70
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,851
Congratulations. Thank you.
71
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,311
What is she watching?
72
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,396
Los amantes clandestinos.
73
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,898
It's a Mexican telenovela.
74
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,316
(Donaghy) But who is that?
75
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:30,877
(Elisa) That is
El generalissimo.
76
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,861
He's the villain of los amantes.
77
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:33,612
Papa!
78
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,572
The name of the
actor is Hector Moreda.
79
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,616
Dime donde estan los diamantes.
80
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:38,908
Nunca!
81
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,828
Dime.
82
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,290
(Donaghy) He
looks exactly like me.
83
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,713
He does look like you.
84
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,432
[Exciting jazz music]
85
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:10,649
♪ ♪
86
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,080
Dude, I have to
meet you. I'm Brian.
87
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,415
What's up, Brian?
88
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,375
We love you.
89
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,019
[As Tracy] "This honky
grandma be trippin'"
90
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,043
[laughter]
91
00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,647
Hey, when I quote
lines from your movie,
92
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:33,296
that's not racist, right?
93
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:34,840
Of course not.
94
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:36,132
I transcend race.
95
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,819
Hey, look, we're all
going out after work,
96
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,003
and I know you like to party.
97
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:40,541
We'd be honored
if you come with.
98
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,098
You shouldn't end a
sentence with a preposition at.
99
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,225
But yeah, I'm in.
100
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,269
[Laughter]
101
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,121
We'll start off at
McManus-McMinnigan's.
102
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,605
Have you ever
drunk a yard of beer?
103
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:54,234
A yard, like a
lawn? Yes, I have.
104
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:55,819
[Laughter]
105
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,363
Tracy Jordan!
106
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,786
He has an ice cream maker?
107
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,580
Come on!
108
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,349
Don't be weird-looking,
don't be weird-looking.
109
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,041
Ah, girl!
110
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,752
Oh, god!
111
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:15,589
Dr. Baird, there's
someone at your door.
112
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,048
Oh, thanks, oswald.
113
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,468
Oswald was just helping
me hang some pictures.
114
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,095
I live in the basement,
so I have all the nails.
115
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,847
I'm Drew.
116
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:28,185
Sorry I smell like
frosting. I just love to bake.
117
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,358
I want to go to there.
118
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,319
So will I see you
before Saturday?
119
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,112
(Elisa) Jack, about
this weekend...
120
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,864
I don't think you should come
121
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,783
to my cousin's police
academy graduation,
122
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,785
or my other
cousin's parole party
123
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,954
boy, I hope those two don't
eventually have a showdown
124
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,998
that pits family
against justice.
125
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,851
Hang on, you mean you
don't want me to come?
126
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:52,875
It's not me.
127
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,003
Abuela thought it
should just be family.
128
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,522
Is this about the generalissimo?
129
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,546
Jack.
130
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,966
As a child, my grandmother
worked in a silver mine
131
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,718
without proper ventilation.
132
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,513
Now her mind is
squishy like a hacky sack.
133
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,474
But no matter what,
she's still my abuelita.
134
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,726
Even though sometimes
she comes at me with a knife
135
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,890
because of a silver frenzy.
136
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,271
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
137
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,024
Okay, good night, querida.
138
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:20,362
[Sighs]
139
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,031
Generalissimo.
140
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,784
(Jenna) Look at Dr. Baird.
141
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,220
How did you get
a picture of him?
142
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,830
I told him his haircut was
exactly what I've been trying
143
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,873
to describe to my barber.
144
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,835
Yeah, smooth, I know. I'm
way out of my league here.
145
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,407
Okay, don't get intimidated.
You know he can't be perfect.
146
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:38,629
No, he might be.
147
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,215
I got some more of his mail.
148
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,633
And I opened it.
149
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:42,925
[Gasps]
150
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,111
Uh-huh, yeah, I'm the worst.
151
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,738
It just proves that I
don't deserve this guy.
152
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,389
He went to medical
school at Columbia,
153
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,307
all kinds of charity Baloney.
154
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,142
He gets all of the
movie channels,
155
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,686
including Starz.
156
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,397
And he trains seeing
eye dogs at home.
157
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,969
Oh, well, that's
no good for you.
158
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,984
You're allergic to dogs.
159
00:05:59,276 --> 00:05:59,943
I guess I'll have
to step in then.
160
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,361
Shut up. Just let me think!
161
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:02,654
Shh!
162
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,106
Please keep your voices down.
163
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:07,158
Mr. Jordan is a
little hung over.
164
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,286
He pulled an uncle
Harland Parcell last night.
165
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,871
Minus the wistful jug blowing.
166
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,581
I went out with the interns.
167
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,000
Those white boys
are not kidding around.
168
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,377
Have you ever tasted scotch?
169
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:18,837
It's terrible!
170
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,673
And this thing they call "box
seats at the rangers game,"
171
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:22,965
it's so cold!
172
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,467
And what is Rohypnol?
173
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,428
Tracy, those are roofies!
174
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,698
So I shouldn't have taken
two of them for my headache?
175
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,557
(Brian) There he is!
176
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,642
Tonight, shooters at
blockheads, lay a base,
177
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,370
at meet up with my
bro-hams at the Cornell club?
178
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,604
Hey, you know it, bri-man!
179
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,896
A'ight!
180
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,275
I have no idea what
either one of us just said.
181
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,847
He thinks you're
going out again.
182
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,153
You gotta tell him you can't.
183
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:44,654
I have a rep to maintain.
184
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,490
If I can't keep up with a
bunch of Wall Street frat boys...
185
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:51,578
Uh-oh, here come the roofies.
186
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,915
You can do whatever
you want to me.
187
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,294
Uno, dos
188
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,670
[gun pops]
189
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,547
[Wheezing laughter]
190
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,257
You wanted to see me?
191
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,926
Lemon, this is Elisa.
192
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,469
What? Come on, you're a nurse?
193
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,137
Yeah, some of us are hot.
194
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,509
Lemon, we have a problem...
195
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,348
With him.
196
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,309
[Ethereal music]
197
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,811
♪ ♪
198
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,581
(Lemon) Boy, that
guys looks a lot like you.
199
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,606
(Donaghy) Precisely
200
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,274
two hours a day,
five days a week,
201
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,109
Hector Moreda and
the generalissimo
202
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,612
are poisoning Elisa's
grandmother against me.
203
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,822
Oh, he just blew up that kid!
204
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,491
Elisa and I have
enough obstacles.
205
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,450
Our work schedules,
our cultures,
206
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,411
her adorably broken English.
207
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,288
Metrocards are
a real thing, Jack.
208
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,290
You use them on the subway.
209
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:40,085
[Laughs] Anyway, this
morning, telemundo,
210
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,897
which is owned by
Sheinhardt-universal,
211
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,463
purchased los amantes, uh...
212
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:44,755
Clandestinos.
213
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,008
And now, I own it.
214
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,300
Isn't that romantic?
215
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,221
Now, all I have to do is
kill off the generalissimo,
216
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,682
and clear a path
to Elisa's abuela.
217
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,910
Lemon, the director needs
a script by this afternoon,
218
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,662
and Elisa here will help
you with the Spanish.
219
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,829
No, no, no, don't
drag me into this.
220
00:07:58,853 --> 00:07:59,853
I have my own problems.
221
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,543
And I've never even
watched that show.
222
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,401
All you need to know
is that El generalissimo
223
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,236
is pure evil, look at him.
224
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:09,823
He stole that girl's love
letters and opened them.
225
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,408
(Lemon) Opened her mail?
226
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,160
That is just shocking.
He's a monster.
227
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,496
Or he has a really
good reason to do it.
228
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,623
Oh, no, his only reason
229
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,876
was to trick her into
giving up her honor to him.
230
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:25,588
Uh-huh, and how did he use
her mail to do that, exactly?
231
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,216
He read her most
intimate secrets,
232
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,219
and turned himself into
that which she desired.
233
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,847
What she loved, he
pretended to love too,
234
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,640
until it was too late.
235
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,480
Huh.
236
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,859
My dog ran away!
237
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,610
Oh, my god. Let me get my coat.
238
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,946
[Laughs]
239
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,286
Buster. Buster!
240
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:57,680
If see the dog, give us
a shout. Come here, boy!
241
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,247
Thank you. Buster!
242
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,752
The funny thing is this
is what I love about him.
243
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:10,216
Don't worry, Liz.
We're gonna find him.
244
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,677
If we don't, I don't think
245
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,596
I could ever be
around dogs again.
246
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,431
Oh.
247
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:17,783
You know, I'm
actually on the board
248
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,560
of the pediatric restless
leg syndrome association.
249
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:24,439
Oh, I forgot I even had this on.
I have so many charity t-shirts.
250
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,733
We have so much in common.
251
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,235
Well, buster's probably dead.
252
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,005
Do you want to go to the
wine bar around the corner,
253
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,669
deal with these emotions,
get some dinner?
254
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,450
Uh, I would love to,
Liz, I really would.
255
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:39,412
But, I just got divorced
not that long ago.
256
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,557
I'm really not ready for
this kind of thing just yet.
257
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,667
Plus, I have not
given up on that dog.
258
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,252
He's a fighter.
259
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:47,754
Buster!
260
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,465
Yeah, buster!
261
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,801
Shoot it, dog!
262
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,260
I'm going to!
263
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,762
I'm Tracy Jordan.
264
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,348
Why would I be afraid
of fire next to my mouth?
265
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,700
[Chanting] Drink, drink, drink!
266
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,060
[Ethereal music]
267
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:06,731
♪ ♪
268
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,191
Is she watching?
269
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,526
Yes.
270
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,655
I told her it was a
very special episode.
271
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,492
Good-bye, general.
272
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,706
Esto es por mi padre!
273
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,041
[Gun fires]
274
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:26,626
Ha!
275
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:27,544
Fallaste!
276
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,796
Wait, wait, wait.
What did he just say?
277
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:30,547
That wasn't in the script.
278
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,549
He said "you missed."
279
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:33,842
[Gun fires]
280
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,802
Fallaste otra vez!
281
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,220
He said "you missed again."
282
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,555
Y ahora, esta pocion
283
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,266
me dejara vivir por siempre!
284
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,435
"And now, this potion's
gonna make me live forever."
285
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,727
What's happening, Jack?
286
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,480
El generalissimo
287
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:48,398
was supposed to die!
288
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,693
[Wheezing laughter]
289
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,505
Moreda has gone
broken arrow. Jonathan!
290
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,672
We really should have
had somebody on the set
291
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,365
who speaks Spanish.
292
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,909
I'll call you back.
293
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,373
Moreda.
294
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,504
Moreda!
295
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:22,515
Welcome, Jack. Cigar, Brandy?
296
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:23,807
What happened, Hector?
297
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,351
The general was supposed to die.
298
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,728
Ay.
299
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,480
Do not try to
out-generalissimo me, my friend.
300
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,692
This role has made me
rich, famous and respected.
301
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,944
I get to cut the
line at Disneyland,
302
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,238
if I come mid-week.
303
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,890
I have a lucrative
endorsement deal
304
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:39,574
with Sabor de Soledad!
305
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,744
Ahora con mas semen del toro.
306
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,330
I am not going to let you
take all that away from me.
307
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:46,974
I know where you
came from, Hector.
308
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,417
Play ball, or you'll be back
doing r-rated hypnotism
309
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,645
at the bull fights so fast,
you won't know what hit you.
310
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,380
You come over here
and say that to my face.
311
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:55,858
No, you come over here. Nunca!
312
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,717
If you refuse to be reasonable,
313
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,385
I must call the presidente
314
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,846
of telemundo.
315
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,765
[Telephone rings]
316
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,350
La oficina de Jack Donaghy
317
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,893
hola?
318
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,978
Well-played, Jack.
319
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:15,276
I see that we are not
so different, you and I.
320
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,571
We laugh alike. We think alike.
321
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:19,489
At times, we even drink alike.
322
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,200
(Both) You can lose your mind.
323
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,536
[Wheezing laughter]
324
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,788
Look, you should know,
I'm doing this for a woman.
325
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:30,458
This woman.
326
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,253
Wow, I am super gay,
327
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,128
and I would totally
switch for her.
328
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,547
She's amazing.
329
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:37,983
But her grandmother hates me,
330
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,407
because she hates
the generalissimo,
331
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,509
so he's gotta go.
332
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,554
El generalissimo
does not have to die
333
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:44,430
to clear the way to the abuela.
334
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,308
Not if the abuela
comes to love him.
335
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,643
But that's impossible.
336
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:52,647
Seduction is never
impossible for El generalissimo.
337
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:57,694
I will become everything that
old hispanic women desire.
338
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,570
I will make her love me.
339
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,614
You really think
you can pull that off?
340
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,783
It will be the
performance of a lifetime.
341
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,786
Like Julie Harris in
the belle of Amherst.
342
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,913
Wow, you are surprisingly gay.
343
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,249
Okay, so?
344
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,084
So did you ever find buster?
345
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,544
What did you not understand?
346
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,196
That picture is
from a dog food ad.
347
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,422
Hi.
348
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,424
Hi, Lemon. Here's
today's script.
349
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:23,553
I translated it, and took
out the star wars references.
350
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,930
Are you an actress?
No, I'm a nurse.
351
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,557
Oh, good.
352
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,076
Don't listen to anyone who says
353
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,119
you should become an actress.
354
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,143
Okay.
355
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,521
Uh, I also cut the scene
356
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,040
between the general
and Tia Maria.
357
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,065
They cannot be together.
358
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,026
Not after what he did
to Maria's daughter.
359
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,318
Why? What did he do?
360
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,612
Oh, it was despicable.
361
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,490
Even worse than his
misuse of the mails.
362
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,368
The generalissimo
tricked her to the villa
363
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,912
by inviting her to a fancy party
364
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:53,249
but when she got there,
it was just the two of them.
365
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,794
He drugged her champagne,
and had his way with her.
366
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,713
Later, she gave
birth to the devil.
367
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,005
You know, sweeps week.
368
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,300
That's what I could do to Drew.
369
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:03,592
Drug him?
370
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,676
Liz, no.
371
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,946
Having been on
both sides of that,
372
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,156
I could tell you it's
not a good idea.
373
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,307
No, I'm going to tell Drew
374
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,285
that I'm having a little
"welcome to the building" party
375
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,977
for him, but there is no party.
376
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,854
And then, when he shows up,
377
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,315
I'll laugh and say "oh,
it's the wrong night."
378
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,816
And then he'll laugh, and say
379
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,508
"oh, well, one
glass couldn't hurt."
380
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,171
And then I will put my
mouth on his mouth.
381
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,863
No, Lemon, do not do this.
382
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,990
The trickery, the deceit
is a slippery slope.
383
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,784
Yeah, but you
haven't seen Dr. Baird.
384
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,535
He looks like a cartoon pilot.
385
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,496
Be very careful.
386
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:35,249
El generalissimo
was once a good man.
387
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,852
But the years of
loneliness drove him insane.
388
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:41,047
I am not the
generalissimo, Elisa.
389
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:42,757
[Knocking on door]
390
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,175
Mr. Jordan,
391
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,627
I called my uncle Harland,
and I got his hangover cure.
392
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:47,762
[Clears throat]
393
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,931
"Mix two cups boiled possum meat
394
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,225
with one messload
ragweed, stir in alcohol..."
395
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,517
Ken.
396
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,436
These interns are
wearing me out.
397
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,187
It's like I said
398
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,232
in my not-hit
comedy cruise boa t,
399
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,110
"I'm gettin' too
old for this ship."
400
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,682
Well, you are
getting older, sir.
401
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:04,487
There's no reason
you have to keep
402
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,446
acting like you're 20.
403
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,490
Yes, there is.
404
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,942
Do you know what happens
to a comedian when he gets old
405
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,661
and loses his audience?
406
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,288
He starts to get
offered serious roles.
407
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,041
And do you really want to
see me play Arthur Ashe?
408
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,168
No, that would be terrible.
409
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,129
You leave him alone! Exactly
410
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,590
so if I'm gonna keep
my hilarious reputation,
411
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,926
these interns gotta
go! But where?
412
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,178
They don't know
how to do anything,
413
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,864
and there are no
jobs left on Wall Street.
414
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:34,475
Then I'll find something
for them to do.
415
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,562
Drew.
416
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,106
Oh, uh, am I the first one here?
417
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,774
What?
418
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,609
[Laughs]
419
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,003
No, the party's tomorrow night.
420
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,280
Tonight, I'm just hanging out,
421
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,632
eating fondue by candlelight.
422
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,032
But come in, I was just
423
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,884
opening a bottle of
wine to drink alone.
424
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:55,621
Okay, I guess one
glass couldn't hurt.
425
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,331
I found your dog! What?
426
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,666
He lost his collar,
427
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,352
but I recognize
him from the poster.
428
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,086
That's not possible.
429
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,522
[Barking] Of
course it's possible.
430
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:06,466
How could he not want to
come back to this beautiful lady?
431
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,009
My dog is back!
432
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,301
[Growling]
433
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,094
I'll open the wine.
434
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,386
[Barks]
435
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,429
Just put him down.
436
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,474
[Barking]
437
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:45,087
Oh, muy Dulce.
438
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,797
[Laughs]
439
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,216
Si, si, si.
440
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:55,139
[Laughter]
441
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:05,566
[Laughter]
442
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,360
Oh, you need more.
443
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:11,906
[Barking]
444
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,534
[Spanish guitar music]
445
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:19,288
♪ ♪
446
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,841
[Laughs]
447
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,512
[Barking]
448
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,138
Buster, you wang!
449
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,641
Let's get you back in your
special kitchen cabinet.
450
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,602
Man, that dog is
giving me a headache.
451
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,175
I have some aspirin in my
white bag there if you need any.
452
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,941
[Barking continues]
453
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,238
Everything okay in there?
454
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,365
Yeah, it's okay, he's
just playing along.
455
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:55,657
Ow!
456
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,741
Or he bites me.
457
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:57,952
[Barking continues]
458
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,704
[Laughs]
459
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,205
Alone at last.
460
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,167
Are you okay?
461
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:08,754
Yeah, I'm, uh...
462
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:13,718
You've been roofied!
463
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,637
You did what?
464
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:17,969
No, no, not me. The pills!
465
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,724
Is this my mail?
466
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,496
Okay, no, you're
not thinking clearly.
467
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,936
Why is it all open?
468
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,022
[Barking]
469
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,523
That's not your dog.
470
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,442
I can explain. Just relax.
471
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:32,320
Help!
472
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,280
I am the generalissimo!
473
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,657
I don't know what that means.
474
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,784
[Car horns]
475
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,245
Abuela made you
breaded calf's brains.
476
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,331
Muchas gracias.
477
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,750
[Speaking Spanish]
478
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,960
She really liked the
changes you made
479
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,129
in los amantes clandestinos.
480
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:54,550
[Speaking Spanish]
481
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:55,986
She's very proud
that I am dating
482
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,637
such an important
television man.
483
00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:58,971
Oh, well...
484
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,223
Mwah, mwah!
485
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,934
What are you going to
do about the NBC news?
486
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:05,561
It's too sad.
487
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,858
I'll look into it, uh, abuela.
488
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,403
[Knocking on door]
489
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,322
Hi, Liz.
490
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:17,823
Oh, hey.
491
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,242
Again, I am so sorry
about everything...
492
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:21,911
I actually got
some of your mail.
493
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,081
Oh, okay. Hope you
didn't open it. I did.
494
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,458
Monty python: Live
at the Hollywood bowl.
495
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,377
Classic.
496
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,349
Membership in the
cheese of the month club,
497
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,047
and the steak of the month club,
498
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,632
and a copy of vegetarian times.
499
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,093
I'm a flip-flopper.
500
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,385
Also a response to your
complaint about bad grammar
501
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,470
in subway ads.
502
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,390
The word "whom"
deserves a defender.
503
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:46,102
I'm just saying that
based on your mail,
504
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,794
I actually would
have wanted to meet
505
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,146
this Elizabeth Lemon in 3-b.
506
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,857
Really?
507
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,734
Do you want to try this again?
508
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,946
I know that I lied to you,
and I accidentally roofied you,
509
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,864
but weirder things
have happened, right?
510
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,326
Isn't that Tracy Jordan?
511
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,996
The lehman brothers
investment bank will reopen
512
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,557
under the direction of
comedian Tracy Jordan.
513
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:10,835
I'm doing this so no one
will know I'm getting old.
514
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,479
(Woman on TV) But
you just told us you're old.
515
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,714
This interview is over.
516
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,650
Yeah, I guess weirder
things have happened.
517
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,114
(Lauer) And now
to lighten things up,
518
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,817
some pictures of
beautiful la tin babies,
519
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,596
and the music of tito puente.
520
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,682
Jack, this is ridiculous.
521
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,685
[Upbeat Latin music]
522
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,271
Okay, it's a date.
523
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,398
Okay.
36594
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