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1
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,508
Lemon.
2
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:11,720
Which of these pictures
do you like better?
3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,516
Um, the one on the left?
4
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:16,808
So the wacky one.
5
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,061
Sure. What's the picture for?
6
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,896
I'm giving the keynote address
7
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,773
at the company's
Six Sigma retreat
8
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,275
to move forward in
croton-on-Hudson.
9
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,045
Ugh. Is that like a
corporate retreat?
10
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:28,713
I used to have to perform
at those all the time
11
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,864
back when Jenna and I
were in that improv troupe.
12
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:34,159
The audience suggestion
is sling blade and Oprah
13
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:35,451
on a date.
14
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,413
[Scattered applause]
15
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,792
[Deep, gravelly voice] I sure do
like them French fried pataters.
16
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,961
[As herself] No,
you don't, Oprah.
17
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:46,713
Jenna is not a great improviser.
18
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:50,092
To be honest, Lemon, uh,
19
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,469
I'm a little apprehensive
about going to this thing.
20
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,263
I haven't seen a
lot of these people
21
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,931
since the CEO debacle
22
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,350
and my... time in the...
23
00:00:58,642 --> 00:00:59,642
Bush administration.
24
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,811
Yeah, Jack, you never
really told me what happened
25
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,230
in Washington.
26
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,276
Please be gentle.
27
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,088
The point is a lot
has happened to me
28
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,363
since the retreat last year.
29
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:12,864
So I hope that when I return,
30
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,676
they still think of
me as the same guy.
31
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:15,826
You've got camp jitters.
32
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,244
What? You haven't seen
33
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:18,972
your little business
camp friends in a year,
34
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:20,756
and now you're afraid
everybody's gonna think
35
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:21,831
you got weird.
36
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,417
Uh, Lemon, the
retreat to move forward
37
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,003
is a global meeting of
ge's best and brightest.
38
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:27,588
Careers are made there.
39
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,559
It would be helpful to
have someone with me
40
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,591
who's got my back.
41
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,843
Ugh, no. Don't make
me be your camp friend.
42
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,335
I hate those corporate things.
43
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,346
Bunch of drunk people
talking about synergy.
44
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,078
First of all, never
badmouth synergy.
45
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,684
And I'm asking you
to do this as a favor.
46
00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:43,186
Oh, fine! I'll go. For you.
47
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:44,798
As long as this
place has a spa...
48
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,065
They do. Where you are
allowed to eat in the sauna.
49
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:50,569
Because at some
places, they get mad.
50
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,904
[Mimicking fishing
Rod reeling noise]
51
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,449
[Exciting jazz music]
52
00:01:55,741 --> 00:02:03,741
♪ ♪
53
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,510
[Clears throat] Writers, we need to
gather for an actor announcement.
54
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,721
As you probably know,
55
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:21,016
I have been cast in an
upcoming feature film.
56
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,494
Is it a movie where you swap
brains with your granddaughter?
57
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,978
No, Frank.
58
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,105
I will be playing Janis joplin.
59
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,774
Or depending on how
60
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,146
some legal matters pan out,
61
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:34,321
a Janis joplin-type
character named Janet Jopler
62
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:35,947
or Janie Jimplin.
63
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,616
Why are you telling us this?
64
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,189
Because I will be employing
the "method" method of acting.
65
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,283
So for the next few weeks,
66
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,372
I will only respond to
"Janis" or "miss joplin."
67
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,024
[As Janet Jackson]
If you're nasty.
68
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,918
If anyone has anything
to say to me, Jenna,
69
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,354
now would be your last chance.
70
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,378
Oh, your hands are weird.
71
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,898
I don't think you
went to high school.
72
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,232
I'm not busy Friday.
I just said I was.
73
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,299
Okay. I am Janis now.
74
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,928
You are all saying those
things to Janis joplin.
75
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,763
The veil is drawn.
76
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,390
Oh, hey.
77
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:02,962
You should do
your Janis research
78
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,016
on Wikipedia.
79
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:06,228
It's online, so
anyone can update it.
80
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,480
You know, 'cause people
are finding out new things
81
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,399
about Janis joplin every day.
82
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,691
Really? Yeah.
83
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,152
Oh, thank you, Frank.
84
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,948
Wikipedia. I'm
gonna check that out.
85
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:22,911
Okay, I'm on Wikipedia.
86
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:23,870
Edit page.
87
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,123
Did you know that Janis joplin
88
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:30,043
speed walked everywhere
and was afraid of toilets?
89
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,628
I have heard that. Yes.
90
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,171
Was she really?
91
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:37,592
So how am I lookin',
Dr. Spaceman?
92
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:42,305
[Sighs] Well, Tracy, i-i
don't know how to say this.
93
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:45,142
Dee-ay-buh-tees.
94
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,060
Diabetes?
95
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,979
That's it.
96
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,581
Well, now we know
what we're dealing with.
97
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,817
Unless you make some
serious lifestyle changes,
98
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,528
you're in danger of
becoming diabetic.
99
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,197
So how bad is diabetes, really?
100
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,115
It's quite serious.
101
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,367
If left untreated,
you could lose a foot.
102
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:06,121
Could I replace it with a wheel,
like Rosie from the jetsons?
103
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,415
I suppose.
104
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:13,003
But then you'd have to
register as a motor vehicle.
105
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:18,818
(Jack) Well, buddy, here we go.
106
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,761
Bases loaded.
Bottom of the ninth.
107
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,680
Are you gonna step up? Oh, yeah.
108
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:29,394
Because it's winning time,
you magnificent son of a bitch!
109
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,896
You go in there and show them.
110
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,207
Make mommy proud of her
big boy because he's the best.
111
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,734
Just do it. Is it in
you? I'm loving it!
112
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,527
Are you okay?
113
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,071
Oh, I'm sorry, I was just, uh...
114
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,083
Were you psyching
yourself up in the mirror?
115
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,451
I do that sometimes
before I go to a party
116
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,103
where I don't know
a lot of people.
117
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,621
Stop sweating, you idiot.
118
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,916
What is wrong with
you, you stupid bitch!
119
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,334
I wish you hadn't seen that.
120
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,346
It's okay. Now you're
ready to get in there.
121
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,213
You're psyched up. You
got your camp buddy.
122
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,173
Just do it.
123
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:00,717
You are a lion.
124
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,886
Take what's yours.
125
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:12,478
There they are.
126
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:14,189
The six sigmas themselves.
127
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,065
They're dudes?
128
00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:16,608
Each of them embodies a pillar
129
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,568
of the Six Sigma
business philosophy.
130
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:22,280
Teamwork. Insight. Brutality
131
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,157
male enhancement.
132
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,449
Handshakefulness.
133
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,160
And play hard.
134
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,452
Wish me luck.
135
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,084
Men, if I'd known
your wives were alone,
136
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:37,128
I would've stayed in New York.
137
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,172
[Laughter]
138
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,799
Jack Donaghy.
139
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,318
We've been waiting all
day for you to show up.
140
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,342
Uh, this is my friend...
141
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,135
The guys over in war machines
142
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,805
have been dying to see you.
143
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,183
The Finulus data suggest
we should be leveraging
144
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,852
disintermediation paradigms.
145
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:53,583
Well, obviously,
the finular analysis
146
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,021
will concur with any synergized
147
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,353
mindshare classifications.
148
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,649
Bladorian Frankles.
149
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,317
Hi. I'm Liz.
150
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,112
I'm Prashant. This is Joan.
151
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,030
We're M-7S. What level are you?
152
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,616
Oh, no. I'm just
here with my friend.
153
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,243
Or I was.
154
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,287
So you're like a g or an h?
155
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:12,080
No, I'm not part of this.
156
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,957
I'm not any letter.
157
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,960
J?
158
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,484
(Kenneth) Morning, Mr. Jordan.
159
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,708
What's that on your foot, sir?
160
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:25,969
It's a practice wheel
161
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,179
for when I lose
my foot to diabetes.
162
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,016
You can't eat candy
if you have diabetes.
163
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,268
There's no link between
diabetes and diet.
164
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,395
That's a white myth, Ken.
165
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:37,856
Like Larry bird or Colorado.
166
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,190
It's not a myth.
167
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,543
Gentlemen, back me up here.
168
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,567
I don't know.
169
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,778
My dad had diabetes, and
he ate whatever he wanted
170
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,304
until he died on
the day I was born.
171
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,449
How do you not
see the connection?
172
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,200
You know,
173
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,572
there's a conspiracy
theory that after the civil war,
174
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,465
the U.S. government
spread false information
175
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,039
about diabetes...
176
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,874
Word.
177
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,019
To keep the newly-freed
slaves sluggish and docile.
178
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,443
And I heard that
from Yusef Jackson.
179
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,147
Which is why to this day,
most African Americans
180
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,565
don't understand
that diabetes is caused
181
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,716
by sleeping on your back.
182
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,319
I don't think that's right.
183
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,386
Diabetes and diet.
184
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,678
Next you'll be telling me
that leasing a sports car
185
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,557
is a bad investment!
186
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,355
Hey, nice suit, squaresville.
187
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:19,898
Where's the bank?
188
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,317
Oh. What can I do
for you miss... Jimplin?
189
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,444
Well, according to
my Wikipedia page,
190
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,112
I'm gonna need
some cherry juice,
191
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,404
buttermilk, and Tequila
192
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,283
to make my signature
Janis joplin cocktail,
193
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,160
the frankschlong.
194
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,082
Good grief.
195
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,792
[Softly] Thank you so much.
196
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,227
Hey, Jack, where
you been hiding?
197
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,021
Oh, Lemon, there you are.
I'm sorry I got distracted.
198
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,047
Yeah. Seems like you
don't need your camp buddy.
199
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,674
I know. It's going great.
200
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,968
I'm actually joining
the six sigmas for lunch.
201
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,719
Oh, okay.
202
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,011
I like lunch.
203
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,556
Right. Yes.
204
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,475
Well... join us.
205
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,268
Okay.
206
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,107
What is this? It's L.U.N.C.H.
207
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,484
Lego utilization for
negating crisis hierarchies.
208
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,528
It's a competitive
teambuilding exercise
209
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,321
where one person
directs his teammates
210
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,973
in the construction
of a lego model
211
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:10,865
that only he can see.
212
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,035
Lemon, why don't you
join team Donaghy?
213
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,763
We'll win this thing, and
then we'll go to C.L.A.S.S.
214
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:16,987
I don't want to go to a class.
215
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,248
No, Lemon, C.L.A.S.S.
216
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:19,207
It's an acronym
217
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,018
for "consuming lunch
and simple socializing."
218
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:25,505
Now that just seems
intentionally confusing.
219
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,015
K.
220
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,892
What's up with
this disgusting stuff?
221
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,184
Mr. Jordan,
222
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,979
I've seen too many
folks back home
223
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,023
die of diabetes and
go-kart accidents
224
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,150
to sit idly by while
you ruin your health.
225
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,152
You need to eat better.
226
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,112
N-o-e.
227
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,031
No. E.
228
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:54,909
Okay, Mr. Jordan.
Whatever you like.
229
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,079
I just hope don't you
get eaten by the hill witch.
230
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,371
Hmm? What's that?
231
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,041
I didn't say anything.
232
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:05,128
Oh, you want to hear
tell of the hill witch?
233
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,049
My meemaw saw her
once taking away a boy
234
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,967
who wouldn't eat his vegetables.
235
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,011
She's a shriveled crone,
236
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,180
1,000 years old.
237
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,682
One look turns you to stone,
238
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:22,187
and then she gorges
on your living brain.
239
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,189
Through the stone?
240
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,347
Really, Ken? That was your plan.
241
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,903
Doubt me if you dare.
242
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:33,281
But beware the
omens of her coming.
243
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,033
Crops will fail.
244
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,993
Animals will run wild.
245
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:41,581
And my page desk
will be turned sideways.
246
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:45,210
♪ Oooooh ♪
247
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,131
Frank, you have got
to check out Maroney.
248
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,551
Your Wikipedia
prank is inspired.
249
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,054
Okay, Janis did it.
250
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,472
You can do it.
251
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,186
I'm gonna do it.
252
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,521
I'm gonna eat this cat.
253
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:05,355
[Cat mews]
254
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,107
Janis, don't! That's from alf.
255
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,398
Alf ate cats.
256
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,650
What?
257
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,221
I put all that stuff
on Wikipedia.
258
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:11,861
None of it's true.
259
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,571
W... why would you do that?
260
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,198
I'm sorry.
261
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:16,801
I didn't know you were
gonna take it so seriously.
262
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,952
Well, of course I'm
taking it seriously.
263
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,121
This is my chance
to win an Oscar.
264
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,540
The academy loves dead
singers and the handicapped,
265
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,832
and Janis was both.
266
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,961
No, she wasn't. Her legs
bent the right way. What?
267
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,588
I speed walked home on these.
268
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,298
You pathetic load!
269
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,260
You mess with me because
your life is miserable.
270
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:38,304
Because you're disgusting!
271
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:40,807
What? Nothing.
272
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,179
Just, you're yellin' at me.
273
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,103
You're a mess. You're
joplined out on Tequila.
274
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,104
It's kinda workin' for me.
275
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,772
Ugh. Are you
turned on right now?
276
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,064
What is wrong with you?
277
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,234
I've got a thing for
damaged goods.
278
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:55,029
But if you can get
this raw in the movie,
279
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,948
you are gonna win the Oscar.
280
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,240
Really?
281
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,748
[Panting]
282
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,669
Two minutes.
283
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:10,961
Don't stop talking, Jack.
284
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,547
Always be talking!
285
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:13,839
Hands in pockets, Joan.
286
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:17,385
Prashant, your job
is to watch Joan.
287
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:19,929
Say something, haircut.
288
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,324
Well, you can't have more
wheels on one side than the other.
289
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,892
Uh-doyee!
290
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,504
It goes on top.
It's a smokestack.
291
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,643
[Gasps]
292
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,563
Whoo! Ha ha!
293
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,023
Yeah!
294
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:31,315
Ha ha ha!
295
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:32,609
Suck it, nerds!
296
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,444
Whoo!
297
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,380
What happened to you,
Donaghy? What do you mean?
298
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,947
That woman is a
subordinate of yours.
299
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,633
Her behavior is
totally inappropriate.
300
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,993
Familiarity. Nicknameification.
301
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,445
And you seem to encourage it.
302
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,913
Well, Lemon is unique.
303
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,289
Whoo! Okay.
304
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:49,209
But the old Jack Donaghy
wouldn't have stood for that.
305
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,084
[Object rattles]
306
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,003
Sorry!
307
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:55,173
I dropped it when I was
pretending it was my penis!
308
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,967
[Mechanized voice] Robot penis.
309
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,346
Ha ha. We won!
310
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,435
Oh, hey, Jenna.
311
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,021
Um, about last night...
312
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:11,522
Oh, god.
313
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,500
I just want to make sure
you haven't told anyone
314
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:14,524
what happened.
315
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,253
I have a lot of irons
in the fire around here.
316
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,597
You'll keep it to
yourself, right?
317
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,365
Oh, yes. Of course.
318
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:21,657
Thank you.
319
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,741
Yeah.
320
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,328
Wait. I'm sorry.
321
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,056
You don't want people
to know about us?
322
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:27,789
Oh, god, no.
323
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,499
I mean, it's so embarrassing.
324
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:32,085
Yeah, for me. You should
want to brag about it.
325
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,295
Don't worry about that.
Last night was stupid.
326
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,587
Stupid, Frank!
327
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,257
No, last night
was the best thing
328
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:38,668
that's ever happened to you.
329
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,551
It was my mistake, not yours.
330
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:41,862
I'm the one who had to take
331
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,166
the silkwood
shower this morning.
332
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,057
Okay, fine. Whatever. But
you'll be cool about this?
333
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:47,433
You...
334
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,602
The one... who
cool... should be.
335
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,479
Oh, all right. Cool.
336
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,607
Wha...
337
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,442
What the hell was that?
338
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,236
[Knock at door]
339
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,196
First of all,
340
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,508
there's an omelet
bar downstairs.
341
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,076
So you should probably
go get yourself an omelet.
342
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,528
Second, I want to see if
your room is bigger than mine.
343
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:11,040
Oh, you have a
sitting area? You jag.
344
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,126
Uh, please come in.
345
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,426
Lemon, I give you a certain
amount of leeway at work.
346
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:22,719
But while we're here,
347
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,805
I need you to
behave appropriately.
348
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,177
What are you talking about?
349
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,784
Well, the, uh, nicknames,
the arm punching,
350
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:29,808
the familiarity.
351
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,060
The way you were behaving
352
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,520
at L.U.N.C.H.
353
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:36,024
You can't say "uh-doyee"
to me in mixed company.
354
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,401
Oh. Okay.
355
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,279
So when I helped you
win that lego thing...
356
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,251
When I thought we
were having fun together,
357
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,444
I was actually embarrassing
you, is that right, Jack?
358
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,994
While we're here, I need
you to call me Mr. Donaghy.
359
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:49,620
I get it.
360
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,706
You brought me here
in case you needed me.
361
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,958
But now that you have
your cool Six Sigma friends,
362
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,561
I can go back to the
lake with the fat kids
363
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,961
and make bracelets.
364
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,439
Lemon, you know how
important this is to me.
365
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,005
I've got my speech tonight.
366
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,798
Yeah, don't worry.
I get boundaries.
367
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,860
Ooh, sorry, Liz, my parent's
basement only has room
368
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,260
for five sleeping bags.
369
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,721
Or, no, I'll come
over after prom
370
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,431
and we'll make nachos together.
371
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,117
Lemon, this is a
part of our problem.
372
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:11,741
I give you a simple
managerial suggestion
373
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,019
in a professional context,
374
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,391
and I get back the second
half of a Judy Blume novel.
375
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,106
Whatever. This place is dumb.
376
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,625
We're gonna be back
at work tomorrow.
377
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,234
Let's not make
this bigger than it is.
378
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,153
Too late. Friendship over.
379
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,238
Good lord.
380
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,453
Like a waitress.
381
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,463
Mr. Jordan, I am begging
you, as a friend, to eat better.
382
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,795
I just don't want to see
anything bad happen to you.
383
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,092
I'm fine, Ken.
384
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,512
I have so much energy,
my hand keeps dancin'.
385
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,472
I just don't know
what has to happen
386
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,182
for you to start...
387
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,935
Oh, no! The signs!
388
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,728
My desk is sideways!
389
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,355
The hill witch approaches.
390
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,525
Ooh!
391
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,363
Dudes, the craziest thing
happened to me last night.
392
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,156
You're not gonna believe it.
393
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,728
But I found the
secret skate park
394
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,034
in Grand Theft Auto iv!
395
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,326
Nice. Yeah.
396
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,330
Are you seriously talking
about video games?
397
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,666
Oh, hey, Jenna. What's up?
398
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,626
How dare you?
399
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,198
How dare you be cool about this.
400
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,548
Frank and I hooked
up last night, okay?
401
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,240
Oh, stop acting
like you're ashamed.
402
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,465
I'm the one who's ashamed.
403
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,136
It's disgusting, right?
404
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,304
I slutted it up on this dirtbag.
405
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,764
It is disgusting.
406
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,099
Thank you, Lutz.
407
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,392
Jenna, this is a mistake.
408
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,894
No. Last night was a mistake.
409
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,857
This is a victory for
hot women everywhere.
410
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,409
So what are we doin' after this?
411
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,870
Uh, Prashant and I have plans.
412
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,162
Did you guys hook up?
413
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,873
What happens in croton-on-Hudson
414
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,459
stays in croton-on-Hudson.
415
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:00,750
Uh, miss Lemon,
416
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:01,835
I do still have a seat
417
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,463
at my table up front.
418
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,214
No, thank you, Mr. Donaghy.
419
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,758
I'm happier here.
Prashant, that is my foot.
420
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:08,718
My wrongness.
421
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,386
'Scuse me, Mr. Donaghy
422
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:14,140
I need to put a microphone
on you for your speech.
423
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:17,477
[Whines unintelligibly]
424
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:20,146
I can't believe you don't
want to sit with Jack Donaghy.
425
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,940
He's not that great.
You guys are my friends.
426
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,485
We should start calling
ourselves the three musketeers.
427
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,028
Not.
428
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,322
[Laughs]
429
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,734
That's a good one, Prashant.
430
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,617
So I heard about you and Frank.
431
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,410
Ugh, I know. It's
hard to believe.
432
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,513
Now dog the bounty hunter's
the second grossest guy
433
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:37,705
I've been with.
434
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,837
You shouldn't have done
that with Frank, Jenna.
435
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:40,999
Tell me about it.
436
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,752
Because he's mine!
437
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,712
Wait, what are you doing?
438
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,632
Ow. Why is my scalp
burning more than usual?
439
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,383
I told you not to tell anyone!
440
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,427
Ow, what are you
doing to my hair?!
441
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,430
You stay away from my Frank!
442
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,392
[Polish accent] Who
is with my Frank?
443
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:02,271
Katie. Euzebia.
Please, let me explain.
444
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,275
Hmm.
445
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,610
What is this?
446
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,489
[Witch voice] Eat
your vegetables.
447
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,533
[Cackles weakly]
448
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,160
Damn, k, that is weak!
449
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,828
I'm a 40-year-old man!
450
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,498
You think I'm gonna be
scared into eating some stuff
451
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:21,990
because of some... look at me!
452
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,793
I'm a monster!
453
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,085
Aah!
454
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,211
Aah!
455
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,379
Oh, hill witch,
456
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,130
[screaming] I
renounce everything!
457
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,715
Cover your brain!
458
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,718
[Screaming and crying]
459
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,764
[Whimpering loudly
through vegetables]
460
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:38,975
Oh, come on, guys.
461
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,786
[Sound guy over P.A.]
Okay, uh, your microphone
462
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:41,936
is all set.
463
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,497
I'll come back right
before your speech
464
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:44,521
to turn it on.
465
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,958
And thanks for
being so cool with me.
466
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:46,982
This is my first day
467
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,442
(Jack) No problem.
468
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,829
Well, buddy, here we go.
469
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,121
Bottom of the ninth.
470
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:02,623
Bases loaded.
471
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:06,252
Oh, yeah. It's winning time,
you magnificent son of a bitch!
472
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,544
What is that?
473
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,587
It's his psych-up speech.
474
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,298
He doesn't know
his microphone is on.
475
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,383
We gotta tell him. Why would we?
476
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:16,053
When a big one falls,
four little ones move up.
477
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,264
You go in there and show
those turds who's boss.
478
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,557
[Scattered laughter]
479
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,827
Make mommy proud of her
big boy because he's the best!
480
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,227
[Laughter]
481
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,104
Just do it. Is it in
you? I'm loving it!
482
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:26,540
Just don't say your name, Jack.
483
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,648
Please don't say your name.
484
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,360
You are Jack Donaghy
titan. Maverick. Lover.
485
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:34,655
'Scuse me. Where
is the bathroom?
486
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,619
[Whispers] Your mic
is on in the ballroom.
487
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,496
[Whispers] What? How
much did they hear?
488
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,915
[Whispers] Everything.
489
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,543
Oh, god, I'm ruined.
490
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:49,742
I'm never gonna live this down.
491
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,672
They're gonna talk
about this forever.
492
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,507
No, no, no. I'll help you.
493
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,384
It's gonna be okay.
494
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,179
I got nothin'.
495
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,267
Whoo! What's up, Six Sigma?
496
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,438
It's Liz Lemon from the
entertainment division.
497
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,358
I just fooled y'all with my
Jack Donaghy impression,
498
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:14,028
where I say crazy things
that he would never say.
499
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,239
So let's maximize our
fun quadrant tonight.
500
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,533
Shout out any other
impression you want to hear
501
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,118
and I... I'll do it. I dare ya.
502
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,119
(Man) Do Jack Donaghy again!
503
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,746
No. What else?
504
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,749
How about Cher?
Do Cher! Al Pacino!
505
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,335
I believe I heard sling blade!
506
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,938
[Deep, gravelly voice] Mm, I
love them French fried pataters.
507
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:32,588
Get off!
508
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,880
What's that?
509
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,328
Mrs. Cunningham from happy days?
510
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:38,511
[As Mrs. Cunningham]
Oh, Howard. Oh, Arthur.
511
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:39,803
[Exhales]
512
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,098
What's your name, guy?
513
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:42,932
Dave.
514
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:44,384
And what's the craziest thing
515
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,602
that's happened to you
this weekend, Dave?
516
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,105
Hearing Jack Donaghy
talk on that microphone.
517
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,565
[Laughter]
518
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:56,320
Well, uh, not anymore,
'cause check this out.
519
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,739
♪ Everybody dance now ♪
520
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,616
[Gasps]
521
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:03,536
♪ Bow bow bow bow bow bow ♪
522
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:04,995
♪ bow bow bow ♪ ♪
523
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:07,915
Lemon, that was heroic.
524
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,126
And I think it actually worked.
525
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,937
A lot of people from the
conference emailed me
526
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,171
to ask if I was there when
the bra lady went crazy.
527
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,172
[Laughs]
528
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,926
They completely forgot
about me, so thank you.
529
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,218
Sure.
530
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,054
And I think it goes
without saying
531
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:26,517
that you are banned
from any future retreats.
532
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,602
I can't believe
you did that for me.
533
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,355
That's what friends do, Jack.
534
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,066
Uh-doyee!
37398
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