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1
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:07,007
This is it, Lemon. Government.
2
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,800
The true seat of American power.
3
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,427
This is all happening so fast.
4
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:11,999
I mean, last week
you were at ge,
5
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,388
and this week you're...
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,348
What are you in
charge of exactly?
7
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:15,641
We're sharing the load.
8
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,213
It's a bit of homeland security.
9
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,347
They still have that?
10
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,413
Extreme weather preparedness
and the war on the poor.
11
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,557
You mean the war on poverty.
12
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:22,887
Yeah, okay, let's go with that.
13
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,060
So you're never coming back.
14
00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:24,942
I'm sorry, Lemon,
15
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,944
but there's nothing
left for me at ge.
16
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,716
Sure, Geiss could
come out of the coma
17
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,656
and say, "Jackie boy,
you're the next CEO,"
18
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:31,948
but that's not likely.
19
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,451
The cryogenecists are already
sharpening their head saws.
20
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,578
Oh, this is all so weird.
21
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,372
It's making me
sick to my stomach.
22
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:39,944
Lemon, it's 8:00 in the morning.
23
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,559
Are you eating those
Mexican cheese curls?
24
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,585
Hey, don't knock my
Sabor de Soledad.
25
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,004
I found a prize in here
the other day... I hope.
26
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,376
Lemon, I have to go. It's
time for my freedom search.
27
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,514
Liz Lemon, do these look
like wizard nipples to you?
28
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,432
Well, I don't know.
29
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,809
Are the lightning bolts
30
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,203
supposed to be going in or out?
31
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,979
Exactly! It's all wrong.
32
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,064
These worlds are
so clear in my head.
33
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:07,109
Oh, are these the characters
for your porn video game?
34
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,652
The working title is
35
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:11,863
goregasm, colon, the
legend of dong-slayer.
36
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,508
Sorry about the wizard, Tracy
37
00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,742
I'll call the Korean animators.
38
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,411
Yeah, you fixulate this!
39
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:18,412
I'm sorry.
40
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,789
Liz Lemon, do you
know what it's like
41
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,833
to be the only one who
cares about your job
42
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,960
when everybody else
around is goofing off
43
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,461
like a bunch of goof-offs?
44
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,921
Yes.
45
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,299
Uh-oh. Emotions.
46
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,711
You having your woman times?
47
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,010
What? No!
48
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,762
I just had my
woman times last...
49
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,054
Oh, boy.
50
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:48,225
♪ ♪
51
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,404
Why don't I cross out the days
52
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,582
like people in the movies?
53
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,338
I think you're supposed
to take all of them.
54
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,839
Like, in a row.
55
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,925
Thank you, Cerie, but
I've been sexually active
56
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,302
since I was 25.
57
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,389
Mr. Hornberger?
58
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:20,867
I was wondering if I
could ask you to write
59
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,476
a recommendation
for me to be a page
60
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,936
at the x-x-i-x summer
Olympics in Beijing.
61
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,064
Sure, Kenneth. Have
you ever wanted to go
62
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,374
to the Olympics, Mr. Hornberger?
63
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,192
I almost went once.
64
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,568
Bad news, archers.
65
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:36,031
President Carter has decided
to boycott the Moscow games.
66
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,158
Peanut farmer.
67
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,534
Anyway, I was wondering
68
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,220
when you were gonna
come to me for this.
69
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,804
You know the
applications are due today.
70
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,164
Today, sir?
71
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,296
The memo I got said they
were due in two weeks.
72
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,168
No, it's today at 5:00.
73
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,338
I have to write my
personal essay!
74
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,091
Donny?
75
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,093
Parcell.
76
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,220
Thought you'd be
coming out of that door.
77
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,639
Did you get my memo
78
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,131
about the olympic applications
79
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,016
being due two weeks from now?
80
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,308
Saboteur!
81
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,287
Looks like you'll be
staying here in New York
82
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,771
all summer...
Fighting the crowds,
83
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:09,398
smelling the hot garbage,
84
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,693
while I travel to
beautiful, breezy Beijing.
85
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,653
The day's not over yet.
86
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,742
♪ ♪
87
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,755
Hey, you must be Jack Donaghy.
88
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,047
Cooter berger,
89
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,551
vice chair of farm subsidies,
acting head of FEMA,
90
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,261
temporary acting head of the FBC
91
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,738
while the acting
head is on trial.
92
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:41,948
Wow, you've had
a lot of shake ups
93
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:42,597
around here lately, huh?
94
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,266
I couldn't disagree
with you more.
95
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,118
The administration
has been streamlined.
96
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,870
And the media are so obsessed
97
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,020
with the current election,
98
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,897
they've completely
forgotten we're here.
99
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:51,773
It's an exciting time.
100
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,567
I'm glad to hear it.
101
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,878
I don't like to think of this
president as a lame duck.
102
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,863
I like to think of
him as a lame eagle.
103
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,409
The ceiling appears
to be leaking.
104
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,827
No, it's not.
105
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,787
We've looked
into it and it's not.
106
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:06,788
If you have any questions,
107
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,790
I'll write down my
extension for you.
108
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,504
Do you need a pen?
109
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,029
Nope, I've kind of
gotten used to it.
110
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,174
You don't have pens?
111
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,634
We're not in a recession.
112
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,006
Boy, we've got to crack the
whip around here, Cooter.
113
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,862
You don't have pens.
The roof is leaking.
114
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,057
No, it's not. I'll
show you the study.
115
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,392
Hey, we have a meeting
116
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,162
with the appropriations
committee, like, now.
117
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:30,437
Oh, no, I'm not prepared.
118
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:31,889
I know. I'm not drunk either.
119
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,523
But we'll manage.
120
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:46,994
Mother!
121
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,207
Oh, I'm sorry
122
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:54,211
I don't know why I
even came up here.
123
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,129
I mean, I know Jack's not here.
124
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,882
Boy, I am really
going a little crazy!
125
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,676
I don't supposed you want
to be my sounding board.
126
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,228
You're busy. I'll come
back another time.
127
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,441
Warrior, you have
defeated the snake elf.
128
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,902
Now join me in the orgy chamber.
129
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,654
The poets will
sing of this night.
130
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,031
Stop, stop! It's not working.
131
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,742
It's not... not you,
Grizz. You're doing great.
132
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,119
I memorized all
my lines at home.
133
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,806
But, Jenna, you're
not doing good acting.
134
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,956
Don't overthink it.
135
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,625
I don't need another
Judi Dench situation.
136
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,085
Now let's just skip ahead
137
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,712
to the list of player
sensuality options.
138
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,324
These avatars need to be able
to do anything to each other.
139
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,801
Touch my cheek.
140
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,595
Touch my chest area.
Now give me a little robot.
141
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:46,888
Touch my butt.
142
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,700
Now like it's a secret.
Touch my knees.
143
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,142
Sexy, yes. Touch my knee spot.
144
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,937
Good. Touch my
feet with your knees!
145
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:54,938
Now that we're in the zone,
146
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,232
I want you to give me
some random sex sounds.
147
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,407
Wonderful, wonderful.
148
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,718
Let's take it
again from the top.
149
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,786
This time, let's record!
150
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,497
Hey, Jack, it's Liz.
151
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,916
Um, maybe you're busy
spreading democracy.
152
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,835
Anyway, give me a call.
153
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,629
Aagh! Things are happening!
154
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,924
Our first order of business,
155
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,303
the city of Portland
has requested $9 million
156
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,763
to shore up its dam system.
157
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,849
I can't support that.
"Damn" is a swear word.
158
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,726
I'd support it if instead of dam
159
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,120
we called it a "god finger."
160
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,814
Randall, must you bring
religion into everything?
161
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,441
We need pens.
162
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,442
Excuse me?
163
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,611
Gentlemen, madame,
164
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,623
we all know that Rome
wasn't built in a day.
165
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,822
Well, that's one theory.
166
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,116
But...
167
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,368
We have a chance to make
this country great again.
168
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,621
We need hope. We need change.
169
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,289
We need experience.
170
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,000
We need pens.
171
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,681
Kenneth, where have you been?
172
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,326
I had to put on my
jeans by myself.
173
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,643
I'm sorry, miss Maroney.
174
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,895
I'm trying to finish this
application for Beijing.
175
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,774
Did someone say "Donny?"
176
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,442
No. No.
177
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,195
Oh, it's pretty
muffled in there.
178
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,714
You'll never get
that application
179
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:27,738
done in time, Parcell.
180
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,061
That's the only thing I
know how to say in Chinese.
181
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,671
Four and a half hours, hee-haw.
182
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,553
Donny's right.
183
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,525
I'll never finish this
application in time.
184
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,016
The personal essay is
way harder than I thought,
185
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:55,934
'cause it's just
not in my nature
186
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,226
to brag on myself.
187
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,436
Not even a backdoor brag?
188
00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,728
What's a backdoor brag?
189
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:00,896
It's sneaking something
190
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,441
wonderful about yourself
into everyday conversation.
191
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,318
Like when I tell
people it's hard for me
192
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,650
to watch American idol
because I have perfect pitch.
193
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,657
Oh... ew! Now you try.
194
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:13,159
It's hard for me to
watch American idol
195
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,371
because there's a water
bug on my channel changer.
196
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,123
Ugh! It's no use!
197
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,298
Hmm?
198
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:28,633
Oh, no.
199
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,152
Someone's gonna get
more attention than me.
200
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,511
That was amazing.
201
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:34,097
"Give us pens." I
mean, how do you do it?
202
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,309
Cooter, I used to work for
a man named Don Geiss.
203
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,671
He taught me how
to be proactive.
204
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:38,560
I'm going to teach
you the same thing.
205
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,562
I'm so happy you're here.
206
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,397
I haven't felt this
energized at work
207
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,849
since the two weeks where
they tried to teach us Farsi.
208
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:47,819
Cool phone.
209
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,111
Excuse me.
210
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:52,657
Jonathan.
211
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,910
Geiss spoke. What?
212
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,722
He's not out of the
coma, but he spoke.
213
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:58,871
What did he say?
214
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,958
He said, "Jackie boy."
215
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,131
Cooter, this is my
letter of resignation.
216
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,900
Would you make sure that
it gets into the right hands?
217
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,885
What? No, no way.
218
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,457
What do you want to do that for?
219
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,364
I just received a very
important phone call.
220
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,388
I've gotta get back.
221
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,516
But we were gonna
do great things together.
222
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,808
Look, the leak's stopped.
223
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,063
I have to get back to New York.
224
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,022
This is my only chance.
225
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,314
Resignation denied.
226
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,723
You can't deny my resignation.
227
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:27,983
Actually, I can.
228
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,277
As acting head of the FBC,
229
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,569
I oversee the EWPC,
230
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,100
and I'm denying
your resignation.
231
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,923
You'll stay here and
serve your country.
232
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,992
The head of ge
serves this country.
233
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,952
He provides jobs.
Fuels innovation.
234
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,705
He brings good things to light.
235
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,597
Cooter, I'm begging
you. Please let me go.
236
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,169
Hey, it's not up to me.
237
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,379
Even if I let you resign,
my boss wouldn't.
238
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,507
They don't want people
leaving here anymore.
239
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,079
You're not going
anywhere, buddy!
240
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,136
Hey, the pens are here!
241
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:01,351
Usa! Usa!
242
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,813
Usa! Usa!
243
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,900
Hello, friend.
244
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,069
Oh, my god, you're pregnant.
245
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,904
What?! Yes.
246
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,156
How can you tell? I just can.
247
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,008
People always
underestimate my instincts
248
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:17,826
because of my looks.
249
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,036
This is no time for
backdoor bragging.
250
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,747
I'm just so happy for you.
This is what you wanted.
251
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,039
Yeah, but not like this.
252
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,500
Why not like this, Liz?
253
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,544
As my mom used to say,
254
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,171
"you never want this to happen."
255
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,756
Have you called Floyd yet? What?
256
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,234
Floyd... you couldn't
ask for a better guy
257
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,301
to make a mistake with.
258
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,680
Oh, no. It is Floyd, right?
259
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,391
Whoo!
260
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,645
Those margaritas were strong.
261
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,063
Can you come inside?
262
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,749
I need a couple
light bulbs changed.
263
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,108
Pfft, yeah!
264
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,152
Oh, my god.
265
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,303
How could you have
slept with Dennis?
266
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,991
It was before he
tried to throw me
267
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,283
under the subway train.
268
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,660
Oh, my god!
269
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,592
Oh, so you're the
only person in the world
270
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,581
that's allowed to
make sex mistakes?
271
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,793
You had a three-way with
roseanne and Tom Arnold.
272
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,418
That was two years ago.
273
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,878
Fine, so I made one
274
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,006
extremely unfortunate
coupling decision.
275
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,298
So what are you gonna do?
276
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,818
Well, obviously
Dennis can't be involved
277
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,427
because he is a class "a" moron.
278
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,472
So I am just gonna be
a kick-ass single mom.
279
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,350
Like Erin Brockovich
or Sarah Connor.
280
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,894
Listen to you.
281
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,546
You're actually
excited about this.
282
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,230
Yeah, I am.
283
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,774
Even though it's Dennis',
I must really want a kid.
284
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,651
Go to the doctor
and get a blood test
285
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:34,943
so you know for sure.
286
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,572
And while you're there,
try to get me some Adderall.
287
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,619
I'm trapped here.
I can't believe this.
288
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,037
Well, I can't believe
289
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:45,931
the best friend I've ever
had would try and leave me.
290
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,035
Cooter, look at this place.
291
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,833
This can't be what
you want in life.
292
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,186
Haven't you ever
thought of leaving?
293
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,296
Of course. Every day.
294
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:54,588
Every day for two years.
295
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,175
Look at these
resignation letters.
296
00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:01,804
They're written in ketchup,
dirty rock, leak water.
297
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,264
And now you're here.
298
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,316
You're here and
everything's gonna be better.
299
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,728
Now we've got
pens. Glorious pens!
300
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,568
Oh, my god.
301
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,028
Oh, my god.
302
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,560
They're caps. Nothing but caps.
303
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,658
Cooter... that's not my name!
304
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,910
My name is James Reilly.
305
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,202
Cooter berger?
306
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,038
What do you think I
am, a cartoon dog?
307
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:27,789
The president named me that.
308
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,582
He gave you two nicknames?
309
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,417
"Cooter" because
I look like a turtle
310
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:35,338
and "berger" because he saw
me eating a hamburger one time.
311
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,715
We have to get out of
here. Now that's the spirit.
312
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,717
But if they're not
taking resignations,
313
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,052
there's only one way out.
314
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,655
We have to work
together to get fired.
315
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,348
It wasn't even a hamburger.
316
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,725
It was a sandwich.
317
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,068
Hello, Elizabeth.
318
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,903
Dennis, what are you doing here?
319
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,155
I don't have to
explain myself to you.
320
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,727
Look, I told my mom I got a job,
321
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:03,907
so I've been coming here
322
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,386
for the past couple
weeks during the day.
323
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,730
What? How come
you're not at work?
324
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,013
Because I forgot my computer...
325
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,477
No, why am I...
This is my apartment.
326
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,980
There something
you want to tell me?
327
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,040
No.
328
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,732
Elizabeth, this is Melinda
from Dr. Bouvier's office.
329
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,365
We'll try to reach
you again later.
330
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,175
I know that message
and I know that tone.
331
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,778
Every one of my
sisters got that message
332
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,446
junior year in high
school... you're pregnant!
333
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,470
What? No!
334
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,141
Really? All right.
335
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,517
Prenatal vitamins.
336
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,169
Yeah, I know what
"prenatal" means.
337
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,521
Pre, "before." Natal, "ruined."
338
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:34,230
Oh, my god.
339
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,857
All right, first things first.
340
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,376
We're gonna have this
baby at the same hospital
341
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,544
I was born at on coney island.
342
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,028
All right? Oh, my god!
343
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,321
Secondly, if it's a boy,
344
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,590
we're gonna name him
morpheus like that guy in the matrix.
345
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:44,824
If it's a girl... ooh, yeah.
346
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,510
I used to boff this
chick named Judy,
347
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,243
and I would love to honor her.
348
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,536
Get out of my apartment.
349
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,908
Don't talk to me like that.
350
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,307
Morpheus hears
everything that you say.
351
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,499
Out!
352
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,668
Your boobs are gonna get bigger.
353
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,213
Hmm.
354
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:03,009
You must have been
such a pretty monkey.
355
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,341
What's that, miss Maroney?
356
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,970
It's your personal
essay, Kenneth.
357
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,769
Oh, hello.
358
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,812
I didn't see you there.
359
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,316
I was just thinking about
my friend, Kenneth Parcell,
360
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,235
and how much he
personifies the olympic spirit.
361
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,613
He's involved in charity work.
362
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:24,965
You needed me, miss Maroney?
363
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,240
Yes.
364
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,676
Kenneth, can you take this money
365
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,286
to the many charities I
support anonymously?
366
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,372
Of course.
367
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:33,983
Oh, miss Maroney,
this is empt...
368
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,968
He knows the importance
of physical fitness.
369
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,418
Oh!
370
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,505
I mean, he can lift
almost 100 pounds.
371
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:41,797
Shh shh!
372
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,592
♪ Mind, body, spirit ♪
373
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:50,473
♪ Kenneth, I see myself in you ♪
374
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,600
♪ so brave ♪
375
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,894
♪ so ready ♪
376
00:14:55,186 --> 00:15:00,108
♪ to be all that you can do ♪
377
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,984
♪ so beautiful ♪
378
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,195
♪ in every way ♪
379
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:08,449
♪ I see myself ♪
380
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,744
♪ in you ♪ ♪
381
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,663
Miss Maroney, thank you!
382
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,209
I have 20 minutes.
I'm gonna make it!
383
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:25,383
♪ I see myself ♪
384
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:26,801
In you.
385
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,597
Oh, Kenneth, someone
was looking for you.
386
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,225
They need 12 boxes of
copier paper on Stage one.
387
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,880
Whatever we come up
with has gotta be wasteful,
388
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,448
embarrassing to
the administration,
389
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:49,859
and upsetting to the voters.
390
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,451
Holy smoke!
391
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,244
What have you got?
392
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,745
In 1994,
393
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,831
the Pentagon
explored the possibility
394
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,499
of a non-lethal chemical weapon
395
00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,791
that would, quote,
396
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,628
"reduce enemy
soldiers combat posture
397
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,964
by making them totally
gay-bones for each other."
398
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,466
How gay?
399
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:07,757
It doesn't say.
400
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,802
The project was abandoned
in the planning stages.
401
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,220
Of course it was.
402
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,072
It would've been
expensive, impractical,
403
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,622
and offensive to
both the red states
404
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:15,308
and the gayer Blue states.
405
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,477
This is exactly what
we're looking for.
406
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,270
A guaranteed disaster.
407
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:20,980
Like eating a
burrito before sex.
408
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,552
But where would
we get the money?
409
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:23,917
No congressman in his right mind
410
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:24,317
would support this.
411
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,569
Don't worry, I've got
a friend in congress.
412
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,571
But not your best friend, right?
413
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,074
Yo, Frank.
414
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,743
Oh, my god. Is that...
415
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:34,410
Yes.
416
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:35,328
It's just the prototype.
417
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:39,207
But I want you to
be the first to play it.
418
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,499
Tell me what you think.
419
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,627
This is such an honor.
420
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:43,919
Heh!
421
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,088
I got an "additional
filth by" credit.
422
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,341
You earned it.
423
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:01,270
Good job, Parcell.
424
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,814
Too bad it cost
you a trip to China.
425
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,900
Wait a minute.
Who's this paper for?
426
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,069
No one!
427
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,655
Looks like you only
have 30 seconds
428
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,587
to get your application
to the 27th floor.
429
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,784
And you're not gonna make it.
430
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,417
Run, Kenneth, run!
431
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,964
Oh, mommy!
432
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,382
♪ ♪
433
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:30,383
He knows!
434
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,386
Oh, god, call me,
Jack! This is a disaster.
435
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,054
This baby's gonna have a father.
436
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,431
Look out!
437
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,102
What?
438
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,148
A gay bomb?
439
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,109
You dragged me out
of a meeting for this?
440
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,401
I was gonna meet Bono.
441
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,237
C.C...
442
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,574
Representative Cunningham.
We'll keep this professional.
443
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,618
I did certain things
for you in bed
444
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,269
that you were
going to reciprocate,
445
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,680
but then we broke
up before my birthday.
446
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,456
So you owe me.
447
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,228
This could take
weeks to get approved.
448
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,209
I'll take my chances.
449
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,313
And that would mean I'd be
spending my birthday here,
450
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,546
so...
451
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,883
All right, I will
help you get fired.
452
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,093
Yes! I am so on a roll.
453
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,346
No crying in my bath tonight.
454
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,107
Hey, Jack, it's Liz.
455
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,443
Um, maybe you're busy
spreading democracy
456
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,487
anyway, give mea call.
457
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,447
Aagh! Things are happening!
458
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,742
Hey, it's Liz Lemon. Funny story
459
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:23,663
I think I'm pregnant
with Dennis Duffy's baby
460
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,207
thought you'd be super proud.
461
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,751
Oh, in a way,
it's what I wanted.
462
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,211
Yeah, it's gonna be fine.
463
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,631
He knows! Oh,
god, call me, Jack!
464
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,132
This is a disaster.
465
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,301
This baby's gonna have a father!
466
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,512
What..kenneth just did
a flip into the elevator!
467
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,015
Jack, I've spent the last hour
468
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,767
looking at cribs online.
469
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,059
It's crazy
470
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,496
even with all this Dennis stuff
471
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,563
all I can think
about is baby hair
472
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,608
and converting my
laundry and newspaper pile
473
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,527
into a nursery
474
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,296
so I don't want you
to worry about me,
475
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,072
because, um, I'm happy
476
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,659
Oh, and yes, you hear me
eating Sabor de Soledad
477
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,391
'cause I can eat
whatever I want now.
478
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,831
Oh, hang on. That's my doctor.
479
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,545
Never mind. I am not, um...
480
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,296
Never mind.
481
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,308
Lemon, how are you?
It was the cheese curls.
482
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,227
Pardon? Causing
the false positives
483
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,438
on my home pregnancy tests.
484
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,817
Apparently, Sabor de Soledad
gets its special tangy flavor
485
00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:36,610
from evaporated bull semen.
486
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,530
Oh, that explains your
hair's thickness and shine.
487
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,022
I guess in Mexico women use it
488
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,367
to stop their periods
before Cinco de Mayo.
489
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,819
I'm a little afraid to ask
if you're still eating them.
490
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,166
They're so good.
491
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,458
Lemon, I'm sorry
492
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,769
you had to go through
this by yourself.
493
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,587
No, it's okay.
494
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,173
I was actually ready to
have Dennis Duffy's baby.
495
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,467
I guess I'm getting to that age
496
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:00,217
where I don't care what
anybody thinks of me.
497
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,844
If you're going to want to get
498
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,656
a very short haircut,
resist that urge.
499
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:06,307
And I know now that
I'm definitely ready.
500
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,018
I want to adopt. Are you sure?
501
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:09,810
What about artificial
insemination?
502
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,729
No, I can't go to a sperm bank.
503
00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,341
The Duffy men
use those like atms.
504
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,942
Then, Lemon...
505
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:20,112
I want to assist you. What?
506
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,156
With an adoption!
Oh, good lord, Lemon!
507
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,657
With an adoption.
508
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:24,617
I know a lot of
well-connected people.
509
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,995
Okay then, yeah.
Help me, thanks.
510
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,287
Um, how was your day?
511
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,538
Oh, it was good.
512
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,583
The president gave
me a nickname.
513
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:33,542
The jacker.
514
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,252
Hmm.
515
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:37,046
Yeah.
516
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,219
Gentlemen, I
regret to inform you
517
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:46,055
that the gay bomb could
not be effectively weaponized.
518
00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:49,016
The chemical
dissipates harmlessly
519
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,508
in open tactical environments.
520
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,603
And frankly, could only work
521
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:54,039
if somehow we
could get the enemy
522
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,273
into a closed,
unventilated space.
523
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,651
Ooh, pens!
524
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:03,614
I feel weird.
525
00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:05,658
Let's do this.
526
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:11,956
Dude, I played this
thing for a couple hours.
527
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,582
It's okay, I guess.
528
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:15,644
Frank, you've been in
your office for three months!
529
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,837
What?!
530
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:20,297
Yes, I'm gonna be a billionaire!
37328
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