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1
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:05,922
Good morning, Jack.
2
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,067
Lemon, I'm helping to organize
a little fundraising dinner
3
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,259
for John McCain this weekend,
4
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,831
and I need some women to attend.
5
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,388
So it doesn't turn into
another giant sausage fest.
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,765
Well, I don't know.
7
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,392
What's the committee
to reinvade Vietnam?
8
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:18,684
Just say you'll come.
9
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,056
Jonathan's going to round up
10
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,545
all the cool
republican celebrities.
11
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,690
Like who, Chuck Norris?
12
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,126
No, C. Nor and I
had a falling-out
13
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,818
after I switched
to another dojo.
14
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,279
Ah, well, sorry, but I'm
not giving anybody money
15
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,051
until there's campaign
finance reform.
16
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:33,242
Also, I'm saving up
money for a new humidifier.
17
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,574
It's the same model that's
keeping Larry King alive.
18
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,472
Oh, and I want you to book
the subway hero onto the show.
19
00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:38,496
Who?
20
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,290
The subway hero.
21
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:41,625
Do you not watch the news?
22
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,835
Food network doesn't
have a news show.
23
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,712
This guy stepped
in front of a train
24
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,124
to save a total stranger
who had fallen on the tracks.
25
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,609
He pulled him between the rails,
26
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,194
and the train missed
their heads by inches.
27
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,594
Wow, that's amazing. I know.
28
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,046
Every show wants a guest
appearance by the subway hero,
29
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,224
but we have an advantage.
30
00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:58,516
We do?
31
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,894
For his exceptional courage...
32
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,938
The city of New York
33
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:07,234
bestows the bronze
medallion on Dennis Duffy.
34
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,570
Oh wow.
35
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:11,021
Thank you, mayor Bloomberger.
36
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:13,657
I accept this honor
on behalf of every...
37
00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:15,784
Stern rules! Baba booey!
38
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,619
No, no, no, no, no.
39
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:18,911
Oh, yes.
40
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,957
Dennis Duffy, beeper
salesman and your ex-boyfriend.
41
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,792
And dateline predator.
42
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,419
Exonerated dateline predator.
43
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,711
The whole thing was one
big silly misunderstanding.
44
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,047
Like the Giuliani campaign.
45
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,674
No way, forget about it.
46
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:31,966
Lemon, be professional.
47
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,070
We all have to work with
people we hate sometimes.
48
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,472
Jonathan, why don't you
put on more of that Cologne?
49
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,601
When I say subway,
you say hero. Subway.
50
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,019
Hero?
51
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:43,311
Uh.
52
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:54,197
♪ ♪
53
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,835
I now declare this store
open for all mankind.
54
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:10,756
Hey, dummy.
55
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,132
Dennis.
56
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:13,424
I knew you'd be back.
57
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,634
Yeah, I'm not back.
58
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,137
Jack sent me because
he wants you on TGS.
59
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:18,055
No way, this is fate.
60
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,389
You swore to me
61
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:20,867
that you would
never see me again,
62
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:23,644
but this whole, crazy, on-again,
off-again, Dennis-Liz thing,
63
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:24,935
it just can't be stopped.
64
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,814
No, we don't have a crazy thing.
65
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,106
Yeah, we do.
66
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,585
We're like Ross and
Rachel, but just not gay.
67
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,819
Can I borrow those
giant scissors?
68
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,422
We always knew this
would happen, didn't we?
69
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:35,726
I mean, that I
would be somebody.
70
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,704
I can't believe it's
happening because of this,
71
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,284
and not because of my band.
72
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,995
♪ I just want to rock ♪ ♪
73
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,039
Well, you have had
some fame before.
74
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:44,915
You were on dateline.
75
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,207
Whoa, hey.
76
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,489
I knew you were gonna say that.
77
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,252
And it's so unfair.
78
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:50,545
I knew that girl was 18.
79
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,714
She told me that her
last boyfriend was Asian.
80
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,008
And that crap doesn't
start until college.
81
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,843
So you want to
do the show or not?
82
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,512
I don't know.
83
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:00,222
You know.
84
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,892
Getting lots of offers from
news and dancing programs.
85
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,727
But how could I
say no to you, right?
86
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,479
I mean, maybe we should just see
87
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:10,816
where this crazy Dennis-Liz
roller coaster ride takes us,
88
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,150
huh?
89
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,361
Okay, all right.
90
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,117
Jonathan.
91
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:23,953
Who is this?
92
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,872
Oh, it's Bucky Bright, sir.
93
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,164
He was a major TV star
94
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,126
in the '40s, '50s
95
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,419
and the fall of 1972,
96
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,880
and he's your republican
celebrity for the McCain dinner.
97
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,172
Uh-huh, good to see you.
98
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,401
What happened to Bruce Willis?
99
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:37,425
He insists on singing.
100
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,994
Jim belushi? He
insists on singing.
101
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,094
Good god.
102
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,531
When did the party
become so boring?
103
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,032
The democrats have
all the good celebrities.
104
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,056
Mr. Donaghy,
105
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,307
this was delivered to...
106
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,061
Son of a married
couple, Bucky Bright!
107
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,473
You know who this is?
108
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,563
Who doesn't?
109
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,815
Most people.
110
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,376
But let me ask you
a question, Kenneth.
111
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,480
If Mr. Bright here told you
112
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,093
to vote republican,
would you do it?
113
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,989
Oh, no, sir, I don't vote
republican or democrat.
114
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:02,159
Choosing is a sin, so I always
just write in the lord's name.
115
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,035
That's republican...
We count those.
116
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,127
Well, I don't know
whether you know it or not,
117
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,691
but I used to do
the old soft shoe
118
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,541
at all the eisenhower rallies.
119
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,918
One, two...
120
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,354
I'm sorry to have
wasted your time,
121
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:13,962
Mr. Bright.
122
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,314
Kenneth here will show you out.
123
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:17,424
Thank you.
124
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,471
Boy, 30 rock.
125
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,222
Hmm.
126
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,225
The stories I could
tell about this place.
127
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,644
Eh, nobody wants to
listen to me anymore.
128
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,604
Oh, Mr. Bright,
129
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:34,149
I would love to hear
about the good old days.
130
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,961
Oh, different back
then, I'll tell you.
131
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,986
Yes, sir, boy, they were classy.
132
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,278
Yeah, yeah.
133
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,199
We didn't have any of those
shirts with words on 'em,
134
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:45,744
or dungarees, or
anything like that, no sirree.
135
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,538
Men came to work, ties and hats.
136
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,123
So elegant.
137
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:50,999
Well, and you had
tailor-made suits
138
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,169
and a little place here
for a little carnation
139
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,170
in your lapel.
140
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,255
And an inside monogrammed
pocket, you know,
141
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,841
for your opium pipe
and your switchblade.
142
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,636
I'm sorry... what now?
143
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,848
Say, why don't you show
me around the old studio?
144
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,015
Okay, okay.
145
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,559
These things are so bad for me.
146
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,145
400% of my sodium?
147
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,581
I should not be eating these.
148
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,816
Ladies and gentlemen, I give
you the bravest new yorker
149
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,943
since Bernie Goetz,
Mr. Dennis Duffy.
150
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,278
Yeah.
151
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:23,823
What's with the trophy?
152
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,009
It's the Stanley cup, honey.
153
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,193
It's hockey's ultimate prize.
154
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,870
And me and it, we're
teaming up to fight illiteracy.
155
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,374
Wow, I never would have had
the guts to do what that dude did.
156
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,042
You don't know that. I do know.
157
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,312
I've watched seven different
people die in subway stations.
158
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,314
So, Dennis, tell us what
it was like in the moment.
159
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,440
What was going
through your mind?
160
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,882
You know, it was
all instinct, Jack.
161
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,443
My mind, it was...
It was so clear.
162
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,903
All I could think
about was Derek jeter.
163
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:44,553
And it was like
164
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,005
check this out, jeter, you
think you're better than me?
165
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,056
Ah-ah!
166
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,350
Yeah.
167
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,768
Yeah.
168
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:55,437
Wow.
169
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:56,857
So you brought Dennis back.
170
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,191
Only 'cause Jack made me.
171
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,609
It's just that you said
172
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,021
never again, but here he is.
173
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,529
You said,
174
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:03,446
"I don't know what
I see in that guy,"
175
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,115
but I was there
when you two met.
176
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,950
You do have this
weird connection.
177
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,078
Uh, why is this movie
called the hours,
178
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,289
when it feels so much longer?
179
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,341
They should call
this thing the weeks.
180
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,084
Shh.
181
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,460
Hi.
182
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,298
The weeks.
183
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:22,716
Liz, listen to me.
184
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:25,552
Dennis is like those
off-brand Mexican cheetos.
185
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,304
My Sabor de Soledad?
186
00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,556
I only have Spanish
delis in my neighborhood.
187
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,224
You know those are bad for you,
188
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:32,743
but you keep stuffing
them in your mouth
189
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,520
because it's easier to do
that than to bother to eat well.
190
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,230
That's a weak metaphor.
191
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,525
You deserve a good meal, Liz.
192
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,068
Subway hero!
193
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,988
Subway hero!
194
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:47,865
Subway hero!
195
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,074
Tracy.
196
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:49,910
My friend.
197
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,746
Have you ever considered
becoming the celebrity face
198
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,038
of the republican party?
199
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,165
What?
200
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,457
Hell, no.
201
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,859
Black people
supporting Republicans?
202
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,670
Does hot support cold?
203
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,464
Does rain support the earth?
204
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,300
Now that misperception
is precisely why the gop
205
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,052
needs better celebrities,
206
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,220
and a black celebrity
such as yourself
207
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,752
would really make us look good.
208
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,014
Mm-mm.
209
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:12,682
Do you like lower taxes?
210
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,267
If I paid taxes, I sure would.
211
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,019
How about gun ownership? Go on.
212
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,104
States' rights? I
love states' rights.
213
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,648
And let none of us forget
214
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,691
the gop is the party of Lincoln.
215
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,151
Lincoln was a republican?
216
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,069
Actually,
217
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,361
today's republican party
218
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,972
would be
unrecognizable to Lincoln.
219
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,157
He fought a war to
preserve federal authority
220
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,116
over the states.
221
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,802
That's not exactly
small government.
222
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:32,826
Dotcom, this need
223
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:33,703
you have
224
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,315
to be the smartest
guy in the room
225
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,832
is... off-putting.
226
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,835
I guess that's
why I'm still single.
227
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,295
Damn.
228
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,298
The republican party
sounds pretty attuned
229
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,175
to my unique way of life.
230
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,886
But I'd be turning my back
on my people to support it.
231
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,138
You put me in a
quandary, Jack Donaghy.
232
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,060
A quandary.
233
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,689
Back then, we didn't
have pages, you know.
234
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,899
We had what we
called "sandwich girls."
235
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,551
Oh, 'cause they
got you sandwiches?
236
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,361
No, no, no, two guys'd get...
237
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,196
Hey, my old dressing room.
238
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,156
You know, that reminds me.
239
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,783
For five bucks I will.
240
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,248
Hey, dummy, I was just
telling these dummies
241
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,726
how we used to go in the park
and make fun of all the joggers.
242
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,270
Oh, yeah, "oh, I'm gonna run
in a circle, so I can live longer."
243
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,088
Hold on a second.
244
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,482
Who orders a salad
from a burger joint?
245
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,341
You watching your
figure there, sweetheart?
246
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,361
What, are you gearing
up for swimsuit season?
247
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,385
Very funny.
248
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,054
Very funny? How would you know?
249
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,642
We used to call
this "the Jew room."
250
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,061
Oh, here, here's some
lettuce from my burger.
251
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,356
Hey, chief,
252
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,357
the, uh, the kid's
birthday party that hired
253
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,489
the Urkel impersonator
is down around the hall.
254
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,945
Are you gonna cry?
255
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:50,237
Yeah, he's gonna cry.
256
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,243
Give her some lettuce.
257
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,627
Elizabeth conworthy Lemon.
258
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:05,938
Okay, that's not my middle name.
259
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:06,962
Explain this.
260
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,925
"Subway hero Dennis
Duffy and actress Sally Field."
261
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,761
Entertaining a guest of the show
262
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,113
is called being professional.
263
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,137
It wasn't a date
264
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,765
or whatever... I
paid for dinner.
265
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,349
You always paid for Dennis.
266
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,311
He can't get
credit cards, Jenna,
267
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,813
because his cousin
Teddy used Dennis' social
268
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,145
to get a cell phone that
Teddy then couldn't pay for
269
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,485
because this Indian guy
that he was working for...
270
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,112
You know what, I don't
have to explain myself to you.
271
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,449
Oh, sir.
272
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,741
You're back.
273
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,994
Well, I never left, actually.
274
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,330
I just wandered around
the building all night.
275
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,041
I didn't run into another
single living soul,
276
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,836
except one gigantic lesbian.
277
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,591
Who is Conan O'Brien,
and why is she so sad?
278
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,135
♪ No, we didn't light it ♪
279
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,845
♪ but we're trying to fight it ♪
280
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:59,307
♪ birth control, ho chi minh,
Richard Nixon-Nixon-Nixon ♪
281
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,679
♪ Nixon-Nixon-Nixon-Nixon ♪
282
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:03,228
♪ Nixon-Nixon-Nixon-Nixon-Nixon
Nixon-Nixon ♪
283
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,355
♪ Nixon-Nixon-Nixon-Nixon... ♪ ♪
284
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,449
What is this place?
285
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,368
It's purgatory, Tracy.
286
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,953
Richard Nixon?
287
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,246
Wow.
288
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,248
I can't believe I'm dead.
289
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,000
There was still so much
left on my bucket list.
290
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,962
So many different kind of
buckets I wanted to own.
291
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,463
Buckets.
292
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,090
It's never too late, Tracy.
293
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:35,009
You can't die now,
your party needs you.
294
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,971
We've lost some prestige
because of the Bush administration.
295
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:38,847
And Watergate.
296
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,933
Up-bup-bup, I'm
trying to keep that
297
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,309
on the DL around here.
298
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,478
Look, I know you're
worried about this,
299
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,022
but there's a long history
of black entertainers
300
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,566
supporting the gop.
301
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,569
Just ask my old
friend, Sammy Davis Jr.
302
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:53,570
Oh, Sam.
303
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,530
Sammy.
304
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,782
Tracy, babe.
305
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:01,119
You gotta help the party
get back to its groovy roots.
306
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,411
Wow.
307
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,788
You were a republican?
308
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:04,664
He sure was.
309
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:08,751
Black, Jewish, one
eye, a white wife.
310
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,171
It was a big tent
back then, Tracy.
311
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,047
Help us...
312
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,258
To make it a big
tent once again.
313
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:21,139
I got a mission.
314
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,807
Dennis. Yeah, Jack.
315
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,099
What are your politics?
316
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,768
Social conservative,
fiscal liberal.
317
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:29,105
You see the gop is trying
to raise its celebrity profile.
318
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:29,981
And we would love it,
319
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,442
if the subway hero
could help us out.
320
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,027
Ah, no can do, pally.
321
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:34,986
I can't help McCain.
322
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,278
He's a Navy man.
323
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:37,726
I almost joined
the marines once.
324
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,575
All right, fine, I admit it.
325
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,286
Dinner with Dennis
last night was fun.
326
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,704
Oh, god, Liz.
327
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,040
What, I don't like a
lot of people, Jenna,
328
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,125
but that dumb creep
makes me laugh.
329
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,417
But you know better.
330
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,169
Do I?
331
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,461
I might be an idiot.
332
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,380
I know I'm supposed to
make myself nice meals,
333
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:55,215
instead of ea ting junk.
334
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,258
Do you know what
I use my oven for?
335
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,885
Warming your
jeans in the morning?
336
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,803
That's right, and it feels good.
337
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,281
You know what that subway
thing taught me, Jack?
338
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,741
It taught me to follow
my instincts more.
339
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,807
That's how you get ahead.
340
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,660
You must know what I'm
talking about... you smell rich.
341
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,352
Thank you.
342
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,288
My Cologne is distilled
from the bilge water
343
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,438
of Rupert Murdoch's yacht.
344
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,730
My point is, Jack, you've
got to be a man of action
345
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,585
in this world, you know...
You can't overthink stuff.
346
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,609
I agree.
347
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,112
Not thinking is what
makes america great.
348
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,030
That wardrobe is wack.
349
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:19,948
I want a leather jacket
350
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,033
with a glow-in-the-dark
skeleton t-shirt
351
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,636
and a porkpie hat
for my head, all right.
352
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,660
Pronto.
353
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,431
This photo shoot's
gotta be phenomenal.
354
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,748
You seem like a man who
knows exactly what he wants.
355
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,250
Yeah, I do.
356
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,751
Lemon?
357
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,169
You don't know me.
358
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,581
Good luck with that, Dennis.
359
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:35,171
No luck needed, Jack.
360
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,523
She bought me dinner last night.
361
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:37,924
Really?
362
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,216
Yeah, I'm in.
363
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,427
And when I grab
on, I do not let go.
364
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:45,014
Like a killer whale going
nuts on his trainer at sea world.
365
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,506
Everything in my life is work.
366
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,892
But not Dennis Duffy.
367
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,019
I don't have to shave,
I don't have to bathe,
368
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,188
I don't have to be
clever or nice, you know.
369
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,480
I can just be myself.
370
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,888
Isn't that what love really is?
371
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:56,149
No.
372
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,444
Love is hiding who you
really are at all times,
373
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,321
even when you're sleeping.
374
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,990
Love is wearing makeup to bed
375
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,284
and going downstairs to
the Burger King to poop,
376
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,202
and hiding alcohol
in perfume bottles.
377
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,494
That's love.
378
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,497
Uh, it just sounds hard.
379
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,124
Being with Dennis is easy.
380
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,835
If you give into it, you just
start to feel kind of numb
381
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,337
and warm, and then
you just get sleepy.
382
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,839
That's not that bad.
383
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,525
That's exactly what
they say it's like
384
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,549
when you freeze to death.
385
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,761
Blurgh.
386
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:29,100
Oh, whoa, whoa,
look at, there I am.
387
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,560
Oh, is that really you?
388
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,228
Yeah, me and the boys.
389
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,520
Yeah.
390
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:34,772
Boy.
391
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,544
Men were men
back then, I'll tell you.
392
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,777
You wanted to do something
private with another man,
393
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,069
it wasn't gay.
394
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:45,199
No, it was just two men
395
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,994
celebrating each
other's strength.
396
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:54,541
I'm in.
397
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:55,293
Jacky d.
398
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,254
Nixon's ghost convinced
my ghost to help the gop.
399
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,466
God bless that wiretapping
bastard, this is great.
400
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,319
We've got to shoot a couple
commercials right away.
401
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,486
The McCain dinner is Saturday.
402
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,612
Sounds good,
but I can't talk now.
403
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,236
I gotta get my wallet
out of the toaster.
404
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,305
Okay.
405
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,685
Yeah, you like that?
406
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,413
Maybe a couple photos where
you don't give the thumbs-up.
407
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,646
Nah, it's my thing, dummy.
408
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:16,999
You know what? Doesn't matter.
409
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,232
Just getting through the week.
410
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,204
You know, it's all
really happening for me.
411
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,070
My people, my city,
412
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,738
my woman, huh?
413
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,716
I tell you, everything is
starting to go my way, Liz,
414
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:26,842
'cause I'm a man
of action, yeah.
415
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:30,244
I gotta stop overthinking
everything like I used to.
416
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:31,954
That was never your problem.
417
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:34,539
Aw.
418
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:35,708
Elizabeth Sarah Lemon...
419
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,043
That's not my middle name.
420
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,961
Will you marry me?
421
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,047
Oh, god.
422
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,182
Wake up, dummy.
423
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,058
Hey, space cadet.
424
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,102
Right here... will you
marry me or what?
425
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,770
No, no way.
426
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,939
You don't know this guy.
427
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,732
He is not the man
you think he is.
428
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,252
Hey, what is your problem, Liz?
429
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,903
I could get any
girl here I want.
430
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:06,155
And not just the fatties
and the butterfaces.
431
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,907
Shut up, crowd.
432
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,325
I command you
433
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,661
as the subway hero... shut up.
434
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,055
Unbelievable, Liz.
435
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,223
Hey, you know,
I don't need this.
436
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,517
You know a stripper offered to
give me a squeezer last night.
437
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:17,541
A white stripper.
438
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,502
Uh, thank god I
didn't fall for this.
439
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,154
You are not a
hero, you're a loser.
440
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,880
And you will always be a loser.
441
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:23,881
Oh, I'm the loser.
442
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,235
I guess I'm the one who
totally missed catching the puck
443
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,718
at that islanders
game... you suck.
444
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:28,386
No, you suck.
445
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:31,222
And so do all new
York-based sports teams.
446
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,350
Liz, don't say anything
you can't take back.
447
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,061
My fellow blackmericans...
448
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:39,939
Hey, Jack.
449
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,066
Can I just say black Americans?
450
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,318
There's no such thing
as blackmericans.
451
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,487
That's great, that's
why you're here.
452
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,283
My fellow black Americans,
453
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,243
Dr. King once had a dream,
454
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,162
a dream that we all share. Ff'
455
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,206
to build a 200 foot high
wall to keep Mexico out.
456
00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,042
And he also hated
the estate tax.
457
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:02,587
Unbelievable.
458
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,927
Jack, I don't know about this.
459
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:11,304
What's wrong? I get it.
460
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,432
The republican party
means less taxes, more guns,
461
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,892
and the end of the gun tax.
462
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:16,726
Go on.
463
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,437
But everybody isn't
forward-thinking like I am.
464
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:24,066
No matter what, blackmericans
are gonna always vote democrat.
465
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,776
They will, won't they?
466
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:26,694
Mm-hmm.
467
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,322
Unless...
468
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,325
Black people, don't vote.
469
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,160
Just don't do it.
470
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,013
In the amount of time
it'd take for you to vote,
471
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:37,872
you could play
three games of pool.
472
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,290
Three.
473
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:40,582
And that's fresh.
474
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,126
I'm Tracy Jordan,
475
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,836
and I improve this message.
476
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,880
To reinvade Vietnam.
477
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,068
Sure feels good to make
a difference, doesn't it?
478
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:50,718
Yes, it does.
479
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,470
Now if you'll excuse me,
480
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:57,183
Nixon asked me to take some
stuff out of his Wikipedia page.
481
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,509
Hey, Jack, I'm sorry, this
Dennis thing is not gonna work.
482
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,570
I can't even be in the
same room as that idiot.
483
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,251
Save it for your
i-village blog, Lemon.
484
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,275
Dennis is off the show.
485
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,111
I booked the 911 bird.
486
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,656
Winston dialed 911 with
his beak and said fire,
487
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,550
but only because he didn't
know the word for rape.
488
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:14,825
Well, that's fine with me,
489
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,637
but we've been
promoting the subway hero.
490
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,061
The subway hero's
15 minutes are up.
491
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,098
Now if you could let him
know that, that would be great.
492
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,917
Hey, you're not bumping
Dennis for my benefit, are you?
493
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:23,918
Well, of course I am.
494
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,212
I base all my business
decisions on your needs.
495
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:27,856
That's why G.E.'s
going to be introducing
496
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,257
the pocket deep fryer.
497
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,676
That would sell, by the way.
498
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,515
Well, when we
sobered up, we realized
499
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:38,516
we'd eaten the peacock
500
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:42,728
and we put the ham
in Pat Weaver's office.
501
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,730
Mr. Bright. Eh?
502
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:48,359
With all due respect, I
can't listen to this anymore.
503
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:51,070
I love television, sir,
504
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:52,822
and you are ruining it.
505
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,365
I love television too.
506
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:55,897
But I wanna tell you something.
507
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,910
If you're gonna make
something beautiful,
508
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,579
you gotta make
a mess of it first.
509
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,630
I don't care whether
you're making an omelet,
510
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,666
a baby, or a television show,
511
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,960
things are gonna get weird.
512
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:09,755
Well, I'm afraid the biz has
changed since your time.
513
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,674
Now if you'll excuse me,
514
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,385
I'm off to Chinatown to pick up
some human growth hormones
515
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,221
so that Mr. Jordan's Tigers
don't realize that he's aging,
516
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:21,058
and... oh my...
517
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,936
There's your weird.
518
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:24,895
A bird?
519
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,689
Dennis, I'm very sorry.
520
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:27,981
Oh, really? Why?
521
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:30,443
It seems like all that
stuff you said came true.
522
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:31,360
I am a loser.
523
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:32,932
My mall appearance got canceled.
524
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,530
The mighty ducks are mad at me
525
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,592
because I left the Stanley
cup on a water taxi.
526
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,616
You know,
527
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:38,719
I thought I'd done something
528
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:39,863
good enough to get you back.
529
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,791
I can only imagine the classic
song I'm gonna write after this.
530
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,465
Well, that is a very
disturbing story.
531
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,300
Aw, you're just saying that.
532
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:57,678
No, no, no, no, you've
seen some stuff, I'll tell ya.
533
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,014
Oh, well this one's
dating a dateline predator.
534
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,599
Exonerated.
535
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,891
And we're not dating.
536
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:04,369
You don't know what
you're talking about, Kenneth.
537
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:08,064
Boy, that's one mouthy
sandwich girl, isn't it?
538
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,577
It was on a subway
platform just like this.
539
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,330
On a night just like this.
540
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:25,873
It's still daytime.
541
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:26,832
And we're inside.
542
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,417
You know what the worst thing
543
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:29,811
about this whole
hero thing has been?
544
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,212
Is that I got a chance to see
545
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,104
what my life could
have really been like.
546
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,295
You know, if like the beeper
business had taken off,
547
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,902
or I hadn't failed
the firefighter exam.
548
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,219
You failed the firefighter exam?
549
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,631
Yeah, it's totally biased
against the Irish, you know.
550
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,767
You know, Liz, being with you
551
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,779
and being a hero are
the two greatest things
552
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,437
that's ever happened to me.
553
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:51,524
And I just, uh, I just wish
554
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:52,816
I could get it back.
555
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:58,823
You're gonna be fine.
556
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,575
If reality TV has
taught us anything,
557
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,161
it's that you can't keep
people with no shame down.
558
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:08,233
I really believe that you are
gonna do something else great
559
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,499
in your life.
560
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,047
Dennis, don't you dare.
561
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:16,841
Liz, work with me now.
562
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,133
Just go limp.
563
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,319
It'll be phenomenal,
Liz, come on.
564
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,404
Come on, no, no, no,
no. No, I don't want to.
565
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:21,428
Come on, Liz. No!
566
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,472
Ah, damn, it's the wrong track.
567
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:24,764
It's stupid express.
568
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,159
You thought it was
this track too, didn't you?
569
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,183
Jackass.
570
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,686
What, come on.
It was just a goof.
571
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,604
Never again. Never!
572
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:31,936
You'll be back, Liz Lemon.
573
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,022
You'll be back.
574
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,276
Ugh.
575
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,779
You'll be back, dummy.
40661
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