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1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,671
Oh, are you sure
this is a good idea?
2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:05,963
What if someone sees us?
3
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,215
Don't worry, it's too early
for the creative types.
4
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,761
And I sent my assistant to
a nonexistent Italian bakery
5
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:12,053
out in queens.
6
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,335
This is the address he gave me.
7
00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:14,848
He never makes mistakes.
8
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,935
I can't go back there
without sfogliatelle!
9
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,454
We can't keep
sneaking around, Jack.
10
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,478
It's too dangerous.
11
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,290
I'm trying to get the
United States government
12
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,732
to Sue your parent company.
13
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,151
Take off your pantsuit.
Right back at ya.
14
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,238
Oh! Workplace!
15
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,365
U-Uh... oh, Lemon,
you're here early.
16
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:32,657
Well, I gave up caffeine,
17
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,103
so I've been going
to bed at 5:30.
18
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,410
But I will leave now.
19
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,912
Oh, don't be silly
20
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,081
uh, Liz Lemon,
I'd like you to meet
21
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,208
a business associate of mine.
22
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,544
Uh, Lakeesha... Gutierrez...
23
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,420
Arafat.
24
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:46,712
Hi.
25
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,048
Hi. I like your necklace.
26
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,384
Oh, thanks. It's
actually a rape whistle.
27
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,010
But the whistle part fell off,
28
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,822
and I just liked
how it looked, so I...
29
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,597
Kept it.
30
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,224
I will leave you to it.
31
00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:59,268
It being business. Of course.
32
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,603
I call the movie risky
business risky "it"
33
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,357
because "it" means business.
34
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,775
Lemon out.
35
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:19,371
♪ ♪
36
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,475
Hey! Take that off.
You didn't go to Harvard.
37
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,843
I went to Harvard.
38
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,803
I did standup
there this weekend.
39
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,095
Very funny.
40
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,640
You were not graduated
from that institution.
41
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,310
Well, I got a squeezer from
an Indian girl on a bunk bed.
42
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,354
So I think I got the full
Harvard experience.
43
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,440
That does sound pretty accurate.
44
00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:48,612
You're just trying to
get a rise out of me, sir.
45
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:49,443
And you do not
46
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,820
wanna make a Harvard man angry.
47
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:55,949
Lemon.
48
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,701
Hey, Jack. What's up?
49
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,596
That woman you met
this morning in my office
50
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,330
is nota colleague of mine.
51
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,622
We are lovers.
52
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,166
Ooh. That word bums me out
53
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,627
unless it's between the
words meat and pizza.
54
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,755
Her name is C.C., which
stands for Celeste Cunningham.
55
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,424
Wait! Isn't she that
congresswoman that's...
56
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,343
Trying to destroy this company
57
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,315
for allegedly turning
some children orange.
58
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,640
Yes. And therein
lies the dilemma.
59
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:23,352
This corporation has a very
strict bros before hos policy.
60
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,872
Wow. So you must really have
some serious feelings for her.
61
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,915
Okay, if I can't say lovers,
you can't say feelings.
62
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,608
But, yes, it is serious.
63
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,234
And, in spite of everything,
64
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,006
I want her to meet
some of my friends.
65
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,553
So I'm going to
hold a dinner party,
66
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:35,322
and I would like you to come.
67
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,094
Oh, that's very nice.
Thank you, Jack.
68
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,326
I just want you to be discreet.
69
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,412
And try not to dress
like a small-town lesbian.
70
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,998
Well, Lemon, that
was a good chat.
71
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,627
Good luck with that, uh,
alopecia problem of yours.
72
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,296
Aw, come on!
73
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,007
I don't have that. Very hairy.
74
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,552
Sorry I'm late.
75
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,044
I'll take one of those. Sorry.
76
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,639
Hey, guys, good news.
We won an award.
77
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:01,931
We did?
78
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:02,974
Well, I did.
79
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,426
Do you remember when I filmed
80
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,995
that movie version of
the mystic pizza musical?
81
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,312
Do I! I don't.
82
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,315
Well, the NY city
critics association
83
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,608
just sent me this...
84
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:12,484
"Best actress in a movie
85
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,736
based on a musical
based on a movie."
86
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,488
Hey, that's great!
87
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,448
Okay, enough!
88
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,410
How long are we gonna
talk about this stupid award?
89
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,462
We have more important
things to worry about,
90
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,705
like where are the French
fries I did not ask for?
91
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,542
You guys need to anticipate me!
92
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,502
Okay, forget it.
93
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,295
I can't rehearse today.
94
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,880
Oh...
95
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,842
It's gonna be one
of those weeks.
96
00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,414
Oh, no, I talked
to him last time
97
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,929
when he wanted to change
his name to wise greasy bastard.
98
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,221
Fine.
99
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,683
Oh, monsters, why
did I create you?
100
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,770
Okay, Tracy. What's wrong?
101
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,313
It's not fair, Liz Lemon.
102
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:51,765
Everybody wins awards but me.
103
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,067
Even Shaquille O'Neal
got a kid's choice a ward
104
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,599
for that animated movie we did.
105
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,029
Boy, I hope we
rescue the starfish King
106
00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,321
on this adventure.
107
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:00,991
It'll be a slam dunk.
108
00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,034
Would you call what
we did last night sex?
109
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,206
I spent two days making
that movie for my homey.
110
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,328
What did I get?
111
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,932
A million dollars,
a yellow Bentley,
112
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:08,623
and nothing.
113
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,584
I never win anything.
114
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:11,876
Look at this coffee cup
115
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,337
my kids got me for father's day.
116
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,629
I'm a failure, Liz Lemon.
117
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,132
Maybe I should just give up
118
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,360
and try this crystal meth I've
been hearing so much about.
119
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,864
No, no, no! You
don't have to do that.
120
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,430
You won an award!
Did I not tell you?
121
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,140
Come on, Lemon.
122
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,309
Yes! You are getting...
123
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,854
A... lifetime achievement award
124
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,024
from the... pacific rim emmys.
125
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,316
Pacific rim?
126
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,527
I love the pacific rim.
127
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,697
I spent nine months in Japan
shooting samurai I am-urari.
128
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,533
I fell in love with their
culture, especially sharking.
129
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:44,825
What's sharking?
130
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,711
It's when you run up
on a lady on the streets
131
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,107
and pull her tube top down
while your friend videotapes it.
132
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,375
It's considered a crime
here. Thanks a lot, puritans.
133
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:55,295
Right. So are you ready
to hit some rehearsal?
134
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,588
Hell, yeah!
135
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,424
I do not want to disappoint
my Japanese public.
136
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,676
Especially Godzilla.
137
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,220
Ha ha ha! I'm just kidding.
138
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,597
I know he doesn't
care what humans do.
139
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,558
All right, I'll see you
out there, winner.
140
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:09,850
He's fine.
141
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,103
I just need you to make
him a pacific rim Emmy.
142
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,715
Props has an old
basketball trophy
143
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,124
we could solder some wings onto.
144
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,566
I love it.
145
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,069
It is unbelievable
the lengths you go to
146
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,361
to keep that guy happy.
147
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:21,612
I know.
148
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,049
I don't get that
kind of treatment.
149
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,433
I don't have to
treat you that way,
150
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,344
because you're the sane
one... you're my rock.
151
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,620
It is amazing how grounded
I've been able to stay
152
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:29,912
despite my celebri-tay.
153
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,417
'Sup, dude?
154
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,545
I went to Harvard.
155
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:37,837
I lived in lowell house
156
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,590
and was a member
of the signet society.
157
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,593
If you were actually a
member of the signet society,
158
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,637
you would be wearing this pin.
159
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,556
Oh. You mean...
160
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,848
This pin?
161
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,601
Ha ha! Your lame
thing is on his pants.
162
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,479
Hey, Liz Lemon, when
am I leaving for Japan?
163
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,332
'Cause I have to arrange
for a snake nanny.
164
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,525
Oh, I didn't think you were
actually gonna go to Japan.
165
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,402
I mean, the award
ceremony is tonight,
166
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:01,974
so I told them
to mail it to you.
167
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,530
No! I told my kids
168
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,424
they could come see
their dad get an award.
169
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,784
So it has to at least
be live via satellite.
170
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,328
Ah, yeah, but it's a
really big time difference.
171
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,764
It'll be like 4:00 in
the morning here.
172
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,165
Perfect! Just when I get
back from maiden voyage,
173
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,626
Newark's first offshore
gentleman's barge.
174
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:17,544
I'm gonna get the kids,
175
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,337
and we coming straight here.
176
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,423
Uh... okay.
177
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,716
I'll... set that up.
178
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,551
Really? You're gonna do that?
179
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,612
Liz Lemon know who keeps
the lights on around here.
180
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,014
But I couldn't do it without
my background players.
181
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,683
That's why I want you and
Josh to be there for my award.
182
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,060
And then afterwards,
maybe I let you hold it.
183
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,396
Then you can check out my award.
184
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:37,731
Ha ha ha ha!
185
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,608
Banter!
186
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,110
I'm sorry. He's an idiot.
187
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,402
No, don't blame him.
188
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,530
You're the one who
rewards his bad behavior.
189
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,532
You give him anything he wants.
190
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,576
Me, I can't even get
a real exterminator
191
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,745
to get that squirrel out
of my dressing room.
192
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,205
No. No, don't move like that.
193
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,709
Ow!
194
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,656
Good evening. May
I take your coat?
195
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,049
Uh, yes, thank you.
196
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,425
I'm sorry I'm late.
197
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,069
The other guests
have already arrived
198
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,595
and are in the dining room.
199
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,556
Oh, hi, Liz.
200
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:12,974
Lemon!
201
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,314
Is this... everyone?
202
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,358
Well, we had a
longer invite list,
203
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,377
but we thought, for
the sake of discretion...
204
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,401
We had to eliminate
205
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:27,197
anybody with any influence
or connections or stature,
206
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:28,649
so that pretty much left you.
207
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,698
And then we added Kenneth
208
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,743
so you would have
somebody to talk to.
209
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,035
Ahem.
210
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,163
"What's your favorite
pizza topping?"
211
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,957
Mine's plain. But I like others.
212
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,416
I have to say
213
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,878
you are the most beautiful
woman in this room right now.
214
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,548
Liz, "tell me a painful story
about your teenage years."
215
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,308
Okay, let's fake this candle.
216
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,267
Okay.
217
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,645
Okay, Tracy, they are ready
218
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,230
for your acceptance speech
219
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,566
in 3, 2,
220
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:04,858
1.
221
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,612
People of pacific
rim, how you feel?
222
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,280
All right!
223
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:10,740
I'd like to thank my wife,
224
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,285
my two sons, Tracy
Jr., and George foreman,
225
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,621
this Josh dude,
226
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,289
Liz Lemon,
227
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,418
uh... baldheaded Pete
for setting up the satellite,
228
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:26,464
and of course, a very
special blonde lady.
229
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,596
Shelly long, you're
truly an inspiration to me!
230
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,633
I know that!
231
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,261
And finally, I'd
like to thank you,
232
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:34,097
pacific rimmers, for
all that you've given us.
233
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,057
Karaoke, karate,
234
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,518
and most of all...
235
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,812
Wanizame a takku!
236
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,313
Shark attack!
237
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,484
Okay, so you got sharked.
238
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,776
That's not great.
239
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:48,987
I'm so humiliated.
240
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,614
How could Tracy
not thank me? What?
241
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,825
I drag myself out of bed
at 4:00 in the morning,
242
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,477
go home, get
dressed, come in here,
243
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,412
and he doesn't even
mention my name?
244
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,289
Jenna, the whole thing is fake.
245
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,999
Yeah, but he
thought it was real.
246
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,251
Listen, I'm sorry.
Tonight was crazy.
247
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,462
But I did hear
the janitor saying
248
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:06,874
that your boobs looked good.
249
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,090
I don't want to hear it, Liz.
250
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,426
Apparently, the only way
to get respect around here
251
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,761
is to act like Tracy.
252
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,263
And that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
253
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,390
Now, please, get out
of my dressing room
254
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,762
so I can lock myself in it.
255
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,393
Oh...
256
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,522
Aah! The squirrel!
257
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,941
It's not afraid of people!
258
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,531
Oh, hi, C.C. are
you looking for Jack?
259
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,575
No, actually, I was
hoping to talk to you.
260
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,160
I hope you had fun last night.
261
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:38,119
I did.
262
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,331
Boy, you and Jack make
a hell of a celebrity team.
263
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,458
This is that chick
who... Venus Williams.
264
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,126
Remember that
time you fell asleep?
265
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,418
Captain beefheart.
266
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,421
It's like we share a brain.
267
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,153
I'm sorry you got
stuck with Kenneth.
268
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,301
Okay. This is not a character
from a television program.
269
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,095
Okay, this is not
270
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,466
a character from the Bible.
271
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,306
Uh... pass.
272
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,225
You can't pass, you hillbilly.
273
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,643
No, I'm sorry.
274
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,187
I don't normally slap people.
275
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,147
Liz, I hate to put
you on the spot,
276
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,584
but you know that I can't talk
to any of my friends about Jack.
277
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,110
We can't keep sneaking around.
278
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,486
This is getting ridiculous.
279
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,115
I'm-a... the plumber.
280
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,200
I'm here-a to fix-a
the washing machine.
281
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,160
Come right in, Mr. Spunatelli.
282
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,037
If Jack and I are
gonna stay together,
283
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,289
one of us has got
to give something up.
284
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,958
I just... I mean,
is Jack worth it?
285
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,459
What would you do?
286
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:27,335
Oh, I don't think you want
287
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,129
to take advice from me on this.
288
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,880
I mean, I ate a
three musketeers bar
289
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,298
for breakfast this morning,
290
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,430
and this bra is held
together with tape, but...
291
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,635
Oh, Liz, please.
292
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,179
Oh... well, Jack is great.
293
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,014
And he's crazy about you.
294
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,392
But have you ever
compromised for a man before?
295
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:43,768
No.
296
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,979
Me either.
297
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,148
Oh, god, it was my
birthday yesterday.
298
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,816
Aw...
299
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:52,944
I'm gonna talk to Jack.
300
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,155
Yeah, I think you should.
301
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:56,614
Ow.
302
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,122
Hey, guys, it's me, Frank.
303
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,623
Oh, no! Escalation!
304
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,184
Okay, that hat's
not cool, jackass.
305
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,210
My mom's a great lady.
306
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,796
Oh, was it her greatness
that made your dad leave?
307
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,088
Ho ho! Oh!
308
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,256
He didn't leave.
309
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,426
He's a submarine
commander running silent.
310
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,118
Let's watch this
instead of working.
311
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,344
Take off that costume.
312
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,556
Take off yours! Never.
313
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,314
C.C., what are you doing here?
314
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:33,067
Jack, I convinced the
Sheinhardt wig plaintiffs to settle.
315
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,212
That's fantastic news.
What did they end up getting?
316
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,236
5 million each.
317
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:38,323
5 million... each.
318
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,159
That's... NBA sexual
assault money.
319
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,076
They deserved more.
320
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,871
The point is, now you
and I can go public.
321
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,831
We don't have to
sneak around anymore.
322
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,209
Slow down, C.C.
it's not that simple.
323
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,794
Well, what do you mean?
324
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,366
I'm still up for
a big promotion.
325
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,340
My colleagues still revile you.
326
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,508
But maybe in a year or
so, we could reassess.
327
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,136
Don't you understand what
I have given up for you?
328
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,139
Those little orange children
deserved their day in court.
329
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,807
They got 5 million. Each.
330
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,517
But they deserved
to be heard, Jack.
331
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,129
And I was ready
to speak for them.
332
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,896
We were going to go on Oprah.
333
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,588
Oh, so this is not
about those kids.
334
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,316
It's about you
getting some publicity
335
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,044
to get a leg up on
your political career.
336
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,237
I'm not going to apologize
for being ambitious, Jack.
337
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,528
Well, you shouldn't.
338
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,007
I like when a
woman has ambition.
339
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,551
It's like seeing a
dog wearing clothes.
340
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,381
I was willing to give
all that up for you.
341
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,456
But you're obviously
not willing to do the same.
342
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:26,620
I just need more time.
343
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,266
I should never have
listened to a woman
344
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,624
who tapes her bra together.
345
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,334
Lemon.
346
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,419
Don't worry, Jack.
347
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,798
I will sneak out through
the freight elevator
348
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,090
like I always do.
349
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,216
I won't embarrass you.
350
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,349
Everybody looks
good in a Sheinhardt.
351
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,312
Something's going
down with Jenna.
352
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,272
She told an NBC tour
353
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,163
that she was gonna
get them all pregnant.
354
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,109
So now I have two
Tracys... perfect.
355
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,486
Will you trade jobs with me?
356
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,197
Okay. But Jenna wants
this done a specific way.
357
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,533
She's in her dressing room.
358
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,035
Godspeed, Liz Lemon.
359
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:09,038
Liz, we have a serious crisis.
360
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,790
We're mad at each other...
361
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,442
What? No. I have legitimate
problems to deal with right now.
362
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,753
But the toofer/frank
rivalry has finally exploded.
363
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,714
No one cares. Move,
you're blocking me.
364
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,882
I'm trying to get
somewhere real.
365
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,720
Um, hi. Is Jenna in there?
366
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,680
Bitch, are you in here?
367
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:26,972
Mm-hmm.
368
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,352
Jenna, why are
you not at rehearsal?
369
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,730
My entourage says I look tired.
370
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,022
I'm Sasha.
371
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,817
This is patrice
and master alexei.
372
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,569
And your name
373
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,571
I probably something like...
374
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:42,947
Melissa.
375
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,657
Okay. I get it. Fine.
376
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,677
What do I need to do to
make you feel appreciated
377
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,702
and get them out of here?
378
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,079
Too late. You had your chance.
379
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,914
Ooh, Melissa! Pick
up your face, girl.
380
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,416
I'm going to get
381
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,959
my eyeballs whitened.
382
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,961
I'll be back in a
couple of hours.
383
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,339
If I feel like it.
384
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,507
What? No! We have work to do.
385
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:02,799
This is what you get
386
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,403
for taking me for
granted all this time.
387
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,427
Deal with that.
388
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,637
Oh, Melissa!
389
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,014
Your face is on the phone.
390
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,390
Soccer practice is over,
391
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,559
and you need... to pick it up!
392
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,936
All right, that's a pretty
good burn, patrice.
393
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,510
Well, Lemon, I
hope you're happy.
394
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,690
I'm not. Why?
395
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,181
C.C. is demanding that we
go public with our relationship,
396
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:21,986
which is impossible,
397
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,654
and you put the
idea in her head.
398
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:24,946
I'm sorry, Jack.
399
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,071
You know, I'm just saying
what everybody's thinking.
400
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,844
You just don't understand
what I'm going through.
401
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,412
Nobody understands
what I'm going through.
402
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,956
I'll take the next
one, Carville.
403
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,542
Uh, actually...
404
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,003
Have you got a minute?
405
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,757
How do you and Mary
Matalin make it work?
406
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:46,386
I mean, she's a brilliant
patriotic republican strategist,
407
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:47,757
and you... let's face it...
408
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,806
Are a pinko nut job.
409
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,178
You know, Mary and I proved
410
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,789
that true love can
weather any storm.
411
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:53,934
Even desert storm.
412
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,853
But if it's the
opinion of your peers
413
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,185
that you're worried about,
414
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,874
you need to get out
in front of the story...
415
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,441
"Cajun style."
416
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,276
Break the news
on your own terms,
417
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,986
before your enemies find out.
418
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,738
Cajun style.
419
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,350
Dating a Democratic
congresswoman?
420
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,742
These guys will
destroy me for this.
421
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,474
Jack, is it really the opinion
of others that you worry about,
422
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,039
or are you learning
something new about yourself,
423
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,666
and you find
that a little scary?
424
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,045
Cajun style.
425
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,215
What are we gonna do?
426
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,676
If we give up our feud
now, we'll be ridiculed.
427
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,168
Remember when Lutz cried
during that diamond commercial?
428
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,471
It'll be worse than that.
429
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,116
Oh, but I can't keep
dressing like you.
430
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,808
The new yorker
festival is next week.
431
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,685
We're trapped in
a political minefield.
432
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,645
How are we gonna get out of it?
433
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,697
You boys need to
change your story
434
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,150
like Karl rove did
in the last election
435
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,694
when he made it about
gay folks and swift boats.
436
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:46,988
What's your swift boat?
437
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,698
You didn't hear this from me,
438
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,200
but Josh is starting to do
something new with his hair.
439
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:52,702
Are you James Carville?
440
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,872
Drop me an email and
let me know how it goes.
441
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,044
Trying to steal candy
from a vending machine?
442
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,423
Let me show you how it's done.
443
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,259
Cajun style.
444
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,844
Excuse me.
445
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,256
What office should I put
miss Maroney's new writer in?
446
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,764
What? No!
447
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,496
Who said this guy
gets an office? No!
448
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,646
You let Jenna take off
in the middle of the day?
449
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:18,853
If she gets to do that,
450
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,105
then I'm doing this week's
show as my altar ego...
451
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,524
Professor Cosmotosis.
452
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,526
Oh! Where is Jenna?
453
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:27,903
I'm gonna take a nap.
454
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,989
Wake me up if Andy dick calls.
455
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,285
Is this fun for
you, being difficult?
456
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,555
Oh, it is... I should have
been doing it the whole time.
457
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,659
You have been, Jenna. You
have always been difficult.
458
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,667
You think Tracy gets
special treatment?
459
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,503
I don't think. I know.
460
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,838
Uh-huh. Well, I coddle
the crap out of you too.
461
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,091
Your online fan
club.. That's me.
462
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,968
I made Frank set that
up as a punishment
463
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,512
after he farted in my chair.
464
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,431
And when you did that morning
radio show the other week?
465
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,850
Every caller was me.
466
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,342
I am loving all of
your characters.
467
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,021
Thanks for calling, Sanjay
468
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,232
I really believe in Karma.
469
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,067
And this award you just got...
470
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,820
It's a cookie.
471
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,280
Ooh! Ca-runch!
472
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,698
I don't wanna do this stuff,
473
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,742
but I have to because
you're so insecure,
474
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,286
you get jealous of
babies for their soft skin.
475
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,038
And how much attention they get.
476
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,540
I have lost years of my life
477
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,708
taking care of you.
478
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:23,709
I lie awake at night
479
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,128
wondering what fresh
hell tomorrow will bring.
480
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,089
I don't sleep. I
don't ea t right.
481
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,508
Thanks to you and
Tracy Jordan... mostly you.
482
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,800
Oh, Liz.
483
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,053
That's all I wanted to hear.
484
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,181
I'll be onstage in ten.
485
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,553
And I'll wait till tomorrow
486
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,283
to talk about you
firing melon ball lady.
487
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,978
All right.
488
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,689
Not in front of the gays.
489
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,908
Hey, look who bailed
on their lame feud.
490
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,072
Hey, what's up with
Josh's new haircut?
491
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:55,157
Yeah, dude, you
got a frohawk, man.
492
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,201
What do you think,
you're better than us?
493
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:58,786
No, I don't.
494
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,478
I got a new nickname for Josh.
495
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,872
Dr. Haircut.
496
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,185
It's not even my normal barber.
497
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,502
My mom did it.
498
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,546
Dr. Haircut!
499
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,506
Dr. Haircut!
500
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,258
Doctor... Dr. Haircut!
501
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,510
Haircut!
502
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,345
Are you gonna cry?
503
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,517
Here's your John legend cd.
504
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,090
I don't know why it was so
urgent you have it before noon.
505
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,785
It was just an excuse.
Have lunch with me.
506
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,063
Jack, I...
507
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,386
I feel badly about
what happened.
508
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,735
But I have a plan.
509
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,027
Do you trust me?
510
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,696
Oh, god. I don't know.
511
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,948
I'm 43,
512
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,992
and you have great hair.
513
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,494
I can let this play
out a little longer.
514
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,288
Then come with me.
515
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,419
Jack, this is your
executive dining room.
516
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,713
Are you trying to get me killed?
517
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:54,091
C.C., these people are
my peers, my heroes,
518
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,927
my past and future
secret santas.
519
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,971
Their approval is the
most important thing
520
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,431
in the world to me...
521
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,059
Or... so I thought.
522
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:09,940
Gentlemen,
523
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,442
token ladies,
524
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,402
I have an important
announcement.
525
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,655
Some of you may
or may not recognize
526
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,698
the woman standing beside me.
527
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,700
Her name is Celeste Cunningham,
528
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,827
and she is a Democratic
congresswoman...
529
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,580
From the state of Vermont.
530
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,333
And she is my lover.
531
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,293
That's right.
532
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,672
She's my liberal
hippy-dippy mama.
533
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,799
My groovy chick, my old lady.
534
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,593
She was our chief adversary
535
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:38,904
during the Sheinhardt
wig hearings.
536
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,930
She wants to tax us all to death
537
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,766
and make it legal for a
man to marry his own dog.
538
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,644
But I think what
we have is special.
539
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,521
And I'm proud of her.
540
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,399
And I'm not going
to hide it any longer.
541
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,901
I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it...
542
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,278
And this is my woman.
543
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:04,120
I... gave to NPR last year.
544
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:09,083
My children go to public school.
545
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,375
Oh! Oh!
546
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,254
I'm gay.
547
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,755
I'm black.
548
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,048
Oh! Oh!
549
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:17,842
Oh, Jack, thank you so much!
550
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:21,303
And I just want you
to know that in 1984
551
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,848
I voted for Ronald Reagan.
552
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,483
I murdered my wife.
39362
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