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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,964
Attention, all. Attention, all.
2
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,067
It is with great pleasure
I would like to announce
3
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,676
that the recipient
of this year's...
4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,930
Ge followship
award is none other
5
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:14,222
than our very own...
6
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,516
Liz Lemon.
7
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,620
Wait, how could Liz
win a fellowship award?
8
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,770
She doesn't like people.
9
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:21,480
No, followship.
10
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:22,856
Presented annually
11
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,067
to the woman... sorry, person,
12
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,860
who best exemplifies a follower.
13
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,320
I'm not a follower.
14
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:29,772
It also comes with ten grand.
15
00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,061
I accept this proudly on behalf
16
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:33,408
of followers everywhere.
17
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,327
When I think of
the free spirited
18
00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:36,939
Liz Lemon I met
just one year ago.
19
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,872
So resistant to
product integration,
20
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,624
cross-promotion,
and adverlingus.
21
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,626
It pleases me to see
how well she's learned
22
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:43,918
to follow.
23
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,129
Uh, is this because
of that ge sketch?
24
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,048
He has a microwave for a head!
25
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,384
But it's such an
excellent ge microwave.
26
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,427
You said I didn't have a choice.
27
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,821
So what are you gonna
do with your money,
28
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:54,888
put it into a 401K?
29
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,366
Yeah, I gotta get one of those.
30
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,390
What?
31
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,142
Where do you invest
your money, Liz?
32
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,395
I have, like, 12
grand in checking.
33
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,480
Are you an immigrant?
34
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,317
Ms. Moroney!
35
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,295
I can't believe how
fast you lost the weight.
36
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,779
If I can't be Monique fat,
37
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,090
I have to be Teri hatcher thin.
38
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:15,117
Either way, you're laughin'.
39
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,743
Oh. Oh, no!
40
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,035
My uniform!
41
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,120
Oh, sorry.
42
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,539
Let me get that off.
43
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,499
Turn around.
44
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,191
It just needs a
little bit of water.
45
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:27,713
Ah!
46
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,339
Aaah!
47
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,049
Oh, god, it hurts!
48
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:42,144
♪ ♪
49
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,339
You're honestly telling
me you don't know
50
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,363
who Rosemary Howard is.
51
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,467
Is she one of the ladies who
tried to shoot Gerald Ford?
52
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:57,491
No!
53
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,453
She's the first female
writer for laugh-in.
54
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,538
She wrote all
the political stuff
55
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:02,831
for Donnie and Marie.
56
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:06,918
I grew up idolizing her comedy.
57
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:11,423
Pardon me. Pardon me.
58
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,424
Pardon me!
59
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,842
Pardon you?
60
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,262
You were already pardoned!
61
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,057
It's funny 'cause it's true.
62
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,951
Hi, I don't wanna
sound like a weirdo fan,
63
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,061
but I am obsessed
with everything
64
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:25,520
you have ever done.
65
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,147
And I used to make my friends
66
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,149
act out your skits the next day.
67
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,441
When I mean my friends,
68
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,525
I mean my Fisher Price...
69
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:32,735
My friend dolls.
70
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:36,073
Because I didn't
have a lot of friends.
71
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,485
Oh, boy. Am I still talking?
72
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,618
You're gonna kill
me, aren't you?
73
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,036
Not, that's... that's great.
74
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,372
Oh, you are great!
75
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,083
I grew up wanting to be you.
76
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,543
I grew up wanting to be
Samantha Stevens on bewitched.
77
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,128
Closest I got
78
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,881
was being married to
a gay guy for two years.
79
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,925
Oh, thank you.
80
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,552
Um, you are my heroine.
81
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,388
And by heroine,
I mean lady hero.
82
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,598
I don't wanna inject
you and listen to jazz.
83
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:02,891
Good lord.
84
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,351
Are you hungry?
85
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:05,977
Always.
86
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,069
Well, I'm gonna let you
take me to lunch later
87
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,630
and get all this
out of your system.
88
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,982
That would be great.
89
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,401
I would love that.
90
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,153
But you're supposed
to take me hat shopping.
91
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,030
Hey Jack!
92
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,448
Could you hold on a second?
93
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,992
If you desecrate
something, is that bad?
94
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,369
Tracy, what happened now?
95
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,287
I doubt if anybody noticed.
96
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:29,167
♪ Who brought stars
and Bright stars ♪
97
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:35,590
♪ to the party last night ♪
98
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:39,761
♪ for the rascals we fought ♪
99
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,013
Who would have ever known
there was so many words?
100
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:44,141
It was like a mos def cd.
101
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,475
Tracy, it's all right.
102
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,607
You're a star, you can
do whatever you want to.
103
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,020
That's your job.
104
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,772
It's our job to make it go away.
105
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,607
I love this country.
106
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,151
You go forth and be crazy.
107
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,944
I think I can manage that.
108
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,296
You do anything you wanna do.
109
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,655
Except no dog fighting, okay?
110
00:03:58,947 --> 00:03:59,614
That seems to be the one thing
111
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,066
that's off limits these days.
112
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:09,583
What's on your mind, tray?
113
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:11,555
You've been curiously
quiet for 20 minutes.
114
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,962
We gotta start doing dog fights.
115
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,547
Dog fighting?
116
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,799
I know it's repulsive
and hideous.
117
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,676
But it's the only
thing Jack Donaghy
118
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,136
told me I cannot do.
119
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,679
So I gotta do it!
120
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:23,680
Understand?
121
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,348
No no no no no no no!
122
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,267
Dog fighting is
the most disgusting
123
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,603
vile thing a human being can do.
124
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,146
You cannot do it!
125
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,191
Dog fighting it is.
Make it happen.
126
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,862
Man, this is Phil
spector's entourage
127
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,698
all over again.
128
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,201
And his foot lingered.
129
00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:45,994
Ah, that is such
an upsetting story.
130
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,706
I'll never watch happy
da ys the same way again.
131
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,208
But you know, I miss live TV.
132
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,251
It's like sex, you know?
133
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,544
It's almost better
134
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,172
when everything
goes horribly wrong.
135
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,468
Well, you know, we
do hire guest writers
136
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,760
every now and then.
137
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:03,470
I mean, I don't
know if that's...
138
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,323
Something you would
ever be interested in.
139
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,014
That'd be great.
140
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,016
God, I haven't
been in that building
141
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:08,975
in so long.
142
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,977
Does everyone still do blow
143
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,146
in Joe Garagiola's office?
144
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,315
Which one is blow
again? Is that cocaine?
145
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,737
Hello? Where's the head page?
146
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,414
You may enter.
147
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:34,501
You're a machine.
148
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,628
No, I wish.
149
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,589
This is a prop from
the classic NBC series
150
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:40,924
supercomputer.
151
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,802
1975 to 1975.
152
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,971
Look, you obviously
know who I am.
153
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,063
But what you don't
know is that I accidentally
154
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,659
damaged Kenneth
Parcell's page jacket and...
155
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,683
Shh shh.
156
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:51,809
Really?
157
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,937
Mr. Perfect, Mr. Jesus
loves me Parcell
158
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,230
finally messed up?
159
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,999
Do you know how
long I've been waiting
160
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,733
to transfer that
thumbhead to cnbc
161
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,025
in paramus, New Jersey?
162
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,195
But you can't transfer
someone without a demerit.
163
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,488
But now... oh, boy.
164
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,407
Here's what we're gonna do.
165
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,367
You've probably never
seen breasts before.
166
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,203
So I'm gonna lean over this desk
167
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:13,874
and you're gonna give
me a new page jacket.
168
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,001
Please, I breast
fed 'til I was 11.
169
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,086
So I've forgotten more
about a woman's chest
170
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,796
than you'll ever know.
171
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,424
But... I'm on TV.
172
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,758
I said, "good day."
173
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,050
No, you didn't.
174
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,220
Well, I meant to.
175
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,722
Kenneth Parcell is finished.
176
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:31,641
Finished!
177
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,689
All right, what's in the
news this week, everybody?
178
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:38,981
Any ideas?
179
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,066
I have an idea.
180
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,485
We open on a new
Orleans abortion clinic.
181
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,654
A beautiful mulatto...
182
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,365
Uh, I don't think we're allowed
to use any of those words.
183
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,409
Why not? It's live television.
184
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,244
I mean, we used to say
185
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,288
And.
186
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,123
No, you didn't.
187
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:55,957
Did you? We did.
188
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,542
We pushed the envelope.
189
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:58,834
Remember...
190
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,088
The mailbox sketch
that shocked america?
191
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:06,217
There's nothing wrong here.
192
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,348
Don't you get it?
193
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,640
The mailbox
194
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,143
was haldeman.
195
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,515
Is that a person who lived?
196
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,563
What about race?
197
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,940
I mean, I say
198
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,316
that is the last taboo.
199
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,735
We get Josh in blackface, right?
200
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:27,280
And then we get
Tracy to call him a!
201
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,033
I'd watch that.
202
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,661
No no, you can't
do race stuff on TV.
203
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,496
It's too sensitive.
204
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,123
We would have done
that on the Mandrell sisters!
205
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,042
Look, I want the
show to be edgy too.
206
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,294
I mean, but my
boss, Jack Donaghy...
207
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,214
Let me talk to him. I
am great with suits.
208
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,341
No, we don't talk to him.
209
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:50,345
Liz, you're not a
cog in their machine.
210
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,848
I know. I'm not
some... follower.
211
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,141
I have to...
212
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,936
We are very
subversive on this show.
213
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,896
Frank, what do
you have this week?
214
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,398
Uh, Barry the humping dog
215
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,733
is shopping for a
ge washer and dryer.
216
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,527
Have not seen that before.
217
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,613
Sharp idea.
218
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,783
Yo, I got the dogs outside.
219
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,075
Well, bring them in!
220
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,263
I feel sick to my stomach
about dog fighting.
221
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,087
But what can you do
when they tell you not to?
222
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,751
This could get ugly.
223
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,253
What?
224
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,755
No! You idiots!
225
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,298
I built a dog fighting pit
226
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,050
in my basement for this?
227
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,427
Tracy.
228
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:31,386
Can I speak with you
229
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,638
privately?
230
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,564
Tray, what's the one
thing I asked you not to do?
231
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,567
That 227 movie new jackee city?
232
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,568
Dog fighting!
233
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,111
What is it about your wiring
234
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,739
that compels you
to do exactly what
235
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,657
you're asked not to?
236
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,118
I don't know. Always
been this way.
237
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,746
Tracy, don't play with matches!
238
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,122
You're not my dad!
239
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:00,433
Tracy, don't stare
directly at the sun.
240
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:01,457
It'll make you crazy.
241
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:02,917
You're not my dad.
242
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:03,918
Tracy, you're not
going out the house
243
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:04,753
dressed like that.
244
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,755
You're not my dad.
245
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,357
I'm beginning to think
this has something to do
246
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,381
with your dad.
247
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,009
You're not my dad!
248
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,512
You can't tell me
what it's about.
249
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,576
Hey, props gave me
a bunch of dog penises
250
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,600
for you to look at.
251
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,561
Oh, great, thanks.
252
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,480
Liz!
253
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:24,397
Your grandmother
is in Jack's office.
254
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,356
You better do something.
255
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,900
Nana Lemon? That's weird.
256
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,278
Oh. Oh, no. Rosemary.
257
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,469
Lemon, Rosemary
here was just telling me
258
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,287
some of her
fantastic sketch ideas.
259
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,039
Liz, he totally gets it.
260
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:41,915
He understands
261
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,750
that what we do is
far more important
262
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,376
than what they do.
263
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,087
I do. I really do get it.
264
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:47,921
Rosemary, thank
you so very much.
265
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,213
Oh, no, my pleasure.
266
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,464
What a pleasure.
267
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:51,966
What fun catching up with you.
268
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,338
You too. You take care now.
269
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,426
You too.
270
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,263
Fire her.
271
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,308
And don't ever make me
talk to a woman that old again.
272
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,935
I can't fire Rosemary.
273
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,478
Yes, you can. It's easy.
274
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:04,770
Observe.
275
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:05,897
Jonathan, you're fired!
276
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,941
What? No!
277
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,233
God, no!
278
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,569
No, I won't fire her. It's mean.
279
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,071
And I like her.
280
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,448
And she's right, we should
be pushing the envelope.
281
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,158
Oh, god. Push the envelope.
282
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,650
You know who uses that phrase?
283
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,870
People who don't have
the guts or the brains
284
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,497
to work inside the system.
285
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,500
Letter writers,
radicals, Howard Dean.
286
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:26,792
You just don't get her.
287
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,419
You're like the talking mailbox.
288
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,471
I'm gonna assume that's
a haldeman reference.
289
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,382
In which case, I thank you.
290
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:34,401
I got into this business
to be like Rosemary.
291
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:35,718
To make people think.
292
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,095
No. No no no, Lemon.
293
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,989
You got into this business
because you're funny
294
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,933
and you're weird and
you're socially retarded.
295
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,452
And you also got into
it because it pays well,
296
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,954
which means you
are not like Rosemary;
297
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,979
you are like me.
298
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,522
No, I'm not. You are a suit.
299
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:48,523
You feed off the creativity
300
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,401
and hard work of other
people and turn it into
301
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,737
commercials and pie
charts and triangle graphs.
302
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,072
What's a triangle graph?
303
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,324
I don't know! It sounded real.
304
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,368
This is my show.
305
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,162
No, this is my show.
306
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,079
And once a week I rent
it out to the good people
307
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:04,851
at the erectile
dysfunction companies.
308
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:05,956
Be that as it may,
309
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,333
Rosemary is my idol.
310
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:08,686
And if you wanna get rid of her,
311
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,170
then you will fire me also.
312
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,009
Suck it up, nerd.
313
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,095
Oh, my god!
314
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,587
Rosemary, that was such a rush
315
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:21,931
standing up to Jack like that.
316
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,826
And I never would have
done it if it weren't for you.
317
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,935
I am so proud of you!
318
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,147
He heard you roar and
now things are gonna change
319
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,480
around here.
320
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,065
Jack says you're both fired.
321
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,277
Yes!
322
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,533
Hey tray, whatcha doing?
323
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,202
Just some heavy thinking.
324
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,138
This spotlight is the
only place that I could go
325
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:44,787
to get away from it all.
326
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,917
You know, tray, I
get this dad thing.
327
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,753
I mean my father
belongs in the smiling
328
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,125
Irish bastard hall of fame.
329
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:55,089
And the pent-up,
unresolved anger
330
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,842
I have toward him, it
still overwhelms me.
331
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,374
You've got to learn to forgive.
332
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,804
But how do I forgive
someone that I don't know?
333
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,932
Boy, if I could just
talk to him once.
334
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,224
Just once.
335
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:06,935
Tracy, we're gonna
do this together.
336
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,686
You've got to get into therapy.
337
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,189
I don't need therapy.
I'm just mentally ill.
338
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,201
Tracy, what if I told
you that the one thing
339
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:15,318
you cannot do is therapy?
340
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:19,322
You're not my dad!
We're doing therapy!
341
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,952
All right, thank you. Good-bye.
342
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,995
Kenneth, I may
have made a mistake.
343
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,039
I was talking to
Donnie... Donnie?
344
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:31,209
Head page Donnie
Lawson, the King of Sting?
345
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,669
What did you do?
346
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,396
I was just trying to
make things right.
347
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,922
Nice jacket, Parcell.
348
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:36,881
I hope that it
349
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,424
and you will be very...
350
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,219
Unhappy at cnbc
for the next year.
351
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,304
Of course, there
is one other choice.
352
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,806
A page-off.
353
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:48,935
A page-off? What's that?
354
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,311
It's a savage contest.
355
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,854
Mixing physical stamina
356
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,190
with NBC trivia.
357
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,482
What's a page-off?
358
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,068
Your monkey's pretty stupid.
359
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,988
You wanna page-off?
You got it, freak.
360
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,280
Winner take all.
361
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,223
I don't know what kind
of corporate mind games
362
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,247
he's playing.
363
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,184
But if Jack thinks I'm
crawling back there...
364
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:12,750
Oh, screw him.
365
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,168
Now that you're free,
366
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,878
we can work on
something together!
367
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,966
Yeah, we can start our
own network called bitch TV!
368
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,302
Or the second
idea that we think of.
369
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,953
Look, when we get
back to my place,
370
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,596
we start banging out some ideas.
371
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,808
Welcome to the first
day of the rest of your life.
372
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,393
What neighborhood is this?
373
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,520
Oh, they call it
little chechnya.
374
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,022
So gritty and real.
375
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,773
More murders per
capita than Detroit.
376
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,319
Try not to write when
you're living here.
377
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,987
Is that guy carrying a gun?
378
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:44,949
Yeah, but don't
worry. He's not a cop.
379
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,828
Hey, Tracy, this
is susanne hawker,
380
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,120
the NBC therapist.
381
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,831
Who's crazier, me or Anne Curry?
382
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,123
Hello, Tracy.
383
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,051
Jack informed me of
the talk you had earlier.
384
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,091
And if you don't mind,
I'd like to hop right in
385
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,411
and start with some role play.
386
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,588
Like my wife and I do?
387
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:00,714
Cool.
388
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,550
You be the maid. I
want you to scream.
389
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,135
Donaghy, you play the matador.
390
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,678
Uh, no, Tracy.
391
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,513
What I want you to do is talk
392
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,057
to that empty chair
393
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,476
as if your father were
sitting there, okay?
394
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,437
Man, this is stupid!
395
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,522
Come on, Tracy.
We're here to help you.
396
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,816
Uh, Tracy, maybe it will help
397
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,943
if Jack sits in the
chair and pretends
398
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,235
to be your father.
399
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:26,783
I wanna talk to you, son.
400
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,202
You sound nothing like my dad.
401
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:29,952
Well, where is he from?
402
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,954
All I know is he's
from funky north Philly.
403
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,873
He worked in a
Campbell's soup factory.
404
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,165
And he had a droopy lip
405
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,751
due to an unattended root canal.
406
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,795
I think I can do this.
407
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,087
Okay, go.
408
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:41,756
I'm mad at you, dad.
409
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,067
Hey, dummy!
410
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,092
I'm mad at you too.
411
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,624
Why you gotta act out that way?
412
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,387
Uh, that's not
exactly what I had in...
413
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:48,678
'Cause you left me, dad!
414
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,099
I was young and
confused and your moms
415
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,725
didn't want me around no more.
416
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,161
Now, pass me them
damn collard Greens!
417
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:55,353
Is this true, mom?
418
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,900
He gambled away
my welfare check.
419
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,860
Woman, I got a mind
420
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,312
to smack you upside the head.
421
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,446
Uh, this is not helpful.
422
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,616
Be me now.
423
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,536
I only act out because
I want your love!
424
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:12,828
Dyn-o-mite!
425
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,581
I think we're just
doing good times now.
426
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,726
Now do the white dude
that my moms left my dad for.
427
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,877
Uh, now, see here, Tracy.
428
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:20,711
It's impolite
429
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,588
to slurp one's soup.
430
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,632
Whoa, no need to
resort to ugly stereotypes.
431
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,175
You always gonna be my son.
432
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,636
Tracy, just because I
stopped loving your dad,
433
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,197
doesn't mean we
stopped loving you.
434
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:31,806
Stop puttin' words
in my mouth, woman!
435
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,475
Oye, Papi, Kayate!
People are sleeping!
436
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,811
Mind your own damn
business, Mrs. Rodriguez!
437
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,938
All right, this is ridiculous.
438
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,190
Lady, just because I'm
an ignorant black man.
439
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,482
And you paid me a nickel
440
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:43,901
to bust up your chifforobe,
441
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,073
doesn't give you the
right to call me ridiculous
442
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,489
just 'cause I'm proud of my son.
443
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,243
They got me.
444
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,912
The honkeys shot me.
445
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,999
No, dad! Don't die!
446
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,792
I love you, dad!
447
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,364
I don't wanna dog fight no more!
448
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,338
Tracy, that's it! That's it!
449
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,799
Thank you for showing
me there really is love
450
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,217
in my family after all.
451
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,928
And I need to stay the
hell away from them.
452
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,890
Donaghy, you're the only
family I need, Jackie D.
453
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,975
You got that right, tray.
454
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,747
You know, it's too
bad you didn't know
455
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,413
Howard Cosell when
you were growing up.
456
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,106
'Cause I had that one in
my pocket the whole time.
457
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,653
There we are.
458
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,950
Oh, crapballs! What was that?
459
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,202
Okay, let's find a pen
460
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,914
and start that screenplay
461
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,833
this movie is gonna
knock them on their asses.
462
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,294
Right. What's it about?
463
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,796
Women in their 50s join the army
464
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:49,509
and get laid by a bunch
of grateful 18 year olds.
465
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,844
Oh, god. Yeah, exactly
466
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,890
I predict opening
weekend, a million dollars.
467
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,934
Have you been
drinking wine all day?
468
00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,602
Oh, it's heart healthy.
469
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:00,894
All day?
470
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:04,065
Oh, come on, Liz. It's the 90s!
471
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:10,238
Did an F train just
go by your window?
472
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,990
I know that look.
473
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,082
Don't even think about
jumping for that train.
474
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,078
You know, I think
I should go home
475
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:17,954
before it gets dark.
476
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,373
You can't abandon me, Liz.
477
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:21,916
You are me.
478
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,793
No, I'm not you. Really?
479
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,003
You pick up guys that
are smart and funny.
480
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,297
And they leave you for
someone less complicated.
481
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:31,467
You're never gonna
get married, Liz.
482
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,135
You're married to your job.
483
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,930
Oh, my god. I lost my job.
484
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:36,931
You're just like me.
485
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,141
You get up in the
morning and smoke weed...
486
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,477
No, I don't.
487
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:42,996
You obsess about
the Jamaican man
488
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:43,437
across the hall.
489
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,731
Oh, my god. I lost my job.
490
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:46,732
You wouldn't have a job
491
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,025
if it wasn't for me.
492
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,986
I broke barriers for you.
493
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,071
I really have to go.
494
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,282
I sat around while
my junk went bad.
495
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,700
All for you.
496
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,785
I didn't have any kids.
497
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,913
You're my kid!
498
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,040
You're my kid that never calls!
499
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,041
Yikes.
500
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,751
Help me, Liz Lemon!
501
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,296
You're my only hope!
502
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,674
Okay, which NBC series spun off,
503
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,885
among others, Cosby,
Miami Vice, cheers,
504
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,177
and highway to heaven?
505
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,430
Supercomputer!
506
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,056
Oh, you're gonna do great!
507
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,600
Ready!
508
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,900
Page-off, page-off,
509
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,277
page-off, page-off.
510
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,612
Come on, Kenneth!
511
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:33,903
You can do it!
512
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,201
Hey!
513
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,370
What the hell is
going on down here?
514
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,062
The phones are
ringing off the hook,
515
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,832
there's no one seating
the Conan audience!
516
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,126
Get to back to work, you morons!
517
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,129
Pete, wait. You
don't understand.
518
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,482
I ruined Kenneth's jacket
and he needs to get a new one,
519
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,525
but can't have any demerits,
520
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:54,759
so we have to have a page-off.
521
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,594
What, are you kidding me?
522
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,804
This is a billion
dollar company!
523
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,973
Demerits?
524
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,809
Donnie, give Kenneth
a damn jacket!
525
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,982
This isn't over
between us, Moroney.
526
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,651
You're in it now.
527
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,299
It's finally over, Ms. Moroney.
528
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,323
Yes.
529
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,076
And it's hard to even remember
530
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,411
how it all began.
531
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,084
You burnt my jacket.
532
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:30,920
All right, I need my job back.
533
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,922
But this is not crawling,
534
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,358
this is proud begging,
like those kids
535
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,383
that dance on the subway.
536
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,885
Of course you can have
your job back, Lemon.
537
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,417
Oh, thank god. It was terrible.
538
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,763
I went to her apartment.
539
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,473
I don't think she has a toilet.
540
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,183
I saw my future, Jack.
541
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,812
Never go with a hippie
to a second location.
542
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,689
I can't end up like that.
543
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,649
I have got to make
money and save it.
544
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,109
And I have to do that thing
545
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,194
that rich people do
where they turn money
546
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,779
into more money.
547
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,131
Can you teach me how to do that?
548
00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,907
With my eyes closed.
549
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,243
Oh, good, because I
want to send Rosemary
550
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,829
$400 a month for... forever.
551
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,248
You should, that
woman is unemployable.
552
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,291
Rosemary says that
women become obsolete
553
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,144
in this business when
there's no one left
554
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,328
that wants to see them naked.
555
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,978
You make enough
money, you can pay people
556
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:14,797
to look at you naked.
557
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:17,633
To the future, Lemon.
558
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:18,925
Oh, and by the way,
559
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:22,096
ge has a problem with
the dog penis sketch.
560
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,019
I'll change it.
561
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:34,692
Hey, what about cat penises?
38547
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