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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,515 --> 00:00:05,106 I like being a familiar. 2 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,187 It's a very satisfying job. 3 00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:10,523 Well, actually, calling it a job would imply that it pays. 4 00:00:10,673 --> 00:00:13,171 So it's more of a vocation. 5 00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:15,719 Less glamorous than I imagined. 6 00:00:18,696 --> 00:00:20,731 I thought by now I'd be like Armand, 7 00:00:20,756 --> 00:00:22,938 but sometimes I feel like 8 00:00:22,963 --> 00:00:25,053 I'm halfway turning into a Renfield. 9 00:00:28,351 --> 00:00:30,578 I think the worst part for me is the loneliness. 10 00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:33,693 I'm awake when my master's asleep, and... 11 00:00:33,922 --> 00:00:35,561 the house gets quiet 12 00:00:35,671 --> 00:00:37,554 and it's lonely, but I'm also awake 13 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,937 when he's awake. 14 00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,675 I'm always awake. 15 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,609 You know, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like 16 00:00:43,634 --> 00:00:45,644 if I was still at Panera Bread. 17 00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:47,996 I'd probably be manager. 18 00:00:48,179 --> 00:00:50,526 I'd get to boss other people around for a change, 19 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,773 sleeping, health insurance, 20 00:00:52,798 --> 00:00:54,960 friends... 21 00:00:55,210 --> 00:00:56,590 getting paid, 22 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,827 all the Panera Bread you can eat. 23 00:01:00,359 --> 00:01:01,529 But you know what they say: 24 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,851 the heart wants what the heart wants. 25 00:01:33,195 --> 00:01:38,515 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 26 00:01:49,403 --> 00:01:51,146 Good evening, Guillermo. 27 00:01:51,171 --> 00:01:53,036 Good evening, Master. I have an envelope for you. 28 00:01:53,061 --> 00:01:55,747 Okay, pop it in the coffin. Thank you. 29 00:01:55,942 --> 00:01:58,349 Uh, just... pop it in there. 30 00:01:58,374 --> 00:02:00,396 That's... that's... 31 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,536 Is it in yet? 32 00:02:04,489 --> 00:02:07,575 I can't read it. It's too dark in here. 33 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,449 Is it another summons for jury duty? 34 00:02:10,474 --> 00:02:11,864 Just tell them I'm dead. 35 00:02:11,889 --> 00:02:13,471 Oh, no. It's something very cool. 36 00:02:13,496 --> 00:02:14,997 I had your DNA tested. 37 00:02:15,063 --> 00:02:16,599 A lab tested it. 38 00:02:19,692 --> 00:02:21,972 How did they get the DNA? 39 00:02:21,997 --> 00:02:23,975 Did they steal my semen? 40 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,005 What? No. 41 00:02:25,030 --> 00:02:27,444 I won't have my semen stolen again. 42 00:02:27,469 --> 00:02:28,513 No, I don't, I don't... 43 00:02:28,538 --> 00:02:30,076 No, I don't even know what that story is. 44 00:02:30,101 --> 00:02:31,870 No, this is all very scientific. 45 00:02:32,296 --> 00:02:33,882 Huh. Okay. 46 00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:35,630 Well, the story is 47 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,427 some witches decided to steal my semen 48 00:02:39,452 --> 00:02:42,411 and put it into a semen spell. 49 00:02:42,709 --> 00:02:46,536 But it didn't even work, and then they got semen everywhere. 50 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,817 But this seems much more aboveboard, so... 51 00:02:49,842 --> 00:02:51,848 This just uses science to find out 52 00:02:51,873 --> 00:02:53,505 where your ancestors came from. 53 00:02:53,530 --> 00:02:56,372 It could also be used to see if you have any living relatives. 54 00:02:56,563 --> 00:02:58,661 Living relatives? 55 00:02:58,686 --> 00:03:00,223 ♪ Dun, da-da, da. ♪ 56 00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:02,050 Here's yours. 57 00:03:02,075 --> 00:03:03,927 You have... 58 00:03:04,909 --> 00:03:06,372 Oh, wow. 59 00:03:06,397 --> 00:03:08,216 - What? - You have... 60 00:03:08,241 --> 00:03:12,684 200,000 direct living descendants. 61 00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:14,384 That's a lot. 62 00:03:14,409 --> 00:03:15,880 I'm a granddad? 63 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,825 Well, technically, you're a... 64 00:03:17,850 --> 00:03:20,853 great-granddad times 30. 65 00:03:22,137 --> 00:03:23,721 Becoming a vampire came 66 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,872 at a strange time in my life. 67 00:03:25,899 --> 00:03:27,934 I was married at the time 68 00:03:28,264 --> 00:03:29,919 to 37 women. 69 00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:31,912 My 37 wives weren't very happy 70 00:03:31,937 --> 00:03:33,883 about the changes I was going through. 71 00:03:33,908 --> 00:03:37,802 I was becoming very moody, sleeping all day now. 72 00:03:37,827 --> 00:03:40,663 Nighttime was mainly drinking people's blood. 73 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,823 Put a strain on all of us. 74 00:03:43,036 --> 00:03:44,255 Then they left, 75 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:45,918 all 37 of them. 76 00:03:45,943 --> 00:03:47,263 It was a sad night for me, 77 00:03:47,288 --> 00:03:50,005 because I really loved 35 of them. 78 00:03:50,184 --> 00:03:51,333 In those days, 79 00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:53,919 fathers didn't really look after their children. 80 00:03:53,944 --> 00:03:55,646 It was down to the women. 81 00:03:55,671 --> 00:03:58,911 And in some cases, a couple of friendly wolves. 82 00:03:59,008 --> 00:04:01,497 I did try to visit my children, but... 83 00:04:01,522 --> 00:04:04,817 they were just afraid, you know, 'cause... 84 00:04:05,277 --> 00:04:08,747 I'm a vampire floating outside the window. 85 00:04:08,772 --> 00:04:10,981 Hey, kiddies. 86 00:04:11,006 --> 00:04:14,013 Hey, you've got my nose. 87 00:04:15,419 --> 00:04:17,645 That's the last time I saw them. 88 00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:20,700 Probably dead now, I suppose. 89 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,153 And another cool thing is, you can find out 90 00:04:23,178 --> 00:04:25,981 if any of them live near you. 91 00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:28,466 You have one of them 92 00:04:28,491 --> 00:04:30,341 living right here in Staten Island. 93 00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:32,210 Madeline. 94 00:04:32,557 --> 00:04:34,215 Exciting. 95 00:04:34,414 --> 00:04:37,079 - Why are we going to the library? - This better be good, Nandor. 96 00:04:37,104 --> 00:04:38,848 - How long is this gonna take? - I was cleaning my skull. 97 00:04:38,873 --> 00:04:40,934 Not long, not long. Thank you. 98 00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:44,091 Everyone, I have some very exciting news. 99 00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:47,778 Guillermo has had my DNA tested. 100 00:04:47,803 --> 00:04:49,981 You need to be careful that's not evil witches trying 101 00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:52,737 - to pinch your semen. - Yes. Witches are semen stealers. 102 00:04:52,762 --> 00:04:54,895 There's no semen-stealing. 103 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,434 It's very official. 104 00:04:56,459 --> 00:04:57,950 It came in an envelope. 105 00:04:57,975 --> 00:05:00,296 I actually had everyone's DNA tested. 106 00:05:00,321 --> 00:05:02,482 How did you get our DNA without us knowing? 107 00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,622 You literally leave it laying everywhere, 108 00:05:04,647 --> 00:05:06,575 so it wasn't that hard. So, here's yours, Nadja. 109 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,145 No, thank you, please. Put that on the pile there for burning. 110 00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:11,617 - You sure you don't want to open it? - Don't test me! 111 00:05:11,642 --> 00:05:13,192 Okay, forget that. 112 00:05:13,217 --> 00:05:15,019 - So, Laszlo... - Don't you dare. 113 00:05:15,044 --> 00:05:16,479 - You don't want to...? - Bugger off. 114 00:05:16,504 --> 00:05:18,770 That's not very nice. 115 00:05:19,029 --> 00:05:20,184 Okay. Colin Robinson. 116 00:05:20,209 --> 00:05:22,403 - Ding, ding, ding. - There you go. 117 00:05:22,428 --> 00:05:23,833 Could I get a drumroll first? 118 00:05:23,858 --> 00:05:24,716 - No. - No. 119 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,934 - Nope. - Fine. I'll do my own. 120 00:05:29,178 --> 00:05:30,914 Frankly, I would be flattered 121 00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:34,614 if witches collected my semen. 122 00:05:37,127 --> 00:05:38,169 It says here that 123 00:05:38,194 --> 00:05:41,364 I am 100% white. 124 00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:43,958 People are from all different places. 125 00:05:43,983 --> 00:05:45,694 It just can't say "white" on your paper. 126 00:05:45,719 --> 00:05:47,450 Oh, wow. "100% white." 127 00:05:48,024 --> 00:05:49,958 No other nuance. 128 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,885 Tell them my other news, Guillermo. 129 00:05:52,023 --> 00:05:54,872 Okay. He has over two hundred... 130 00:05:54,905 --> 00:05:59,229 200,000 direct descendants living today! 131 00:05:59,254 --> 00:06:00,918 Fucking hell. Well done, chap. 132 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:02,333 Thank you, Laszlo. 133 00:06:02,358 --> 00:06:05,379 Congratulations, Nandor. That is some very exciting seed. 134 00:06:05,404 --> 00:06:06,474 - Yes. - But I'm telling you, 135 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,200 don't let the witches find out about it. 136 00:06:08,225 --> 00:06:09,526 They'll be coming for you. 137 00:06:09,551 --> 00:06:11,512 - No... - That is top-quality seed. 138 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,239 And thanks to your little helper, they know about it. 139 00:06:14,264 --> 00:06:16,067 I'm telling you, they're coming for more. 140 00:06:16,092 --> 00:06:17,825 They use it to make magnets. 141 00:06:18,426 --> 00:06:20,379 I'm a granddad. 142 00:06:20,404 --> 00:06:22,270 - You know... - Don't ruin it. 143 00:06:22,295 --> 00:06:24,317 Oh, I-I wouldn't think of ruining it. 144 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,098 - Thank you. - The great Genghis Khan 145 00:06:26,123 --> 00:06:27,161 I knew it. 146 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:31,120 Has over 16 million living descendants. 147 00:06:31,145 --> 00:06:32,958 Now, that's a seed. 148 00:06:32,983 --> 00:06:34,129 You just have to bring up Genghis Khan. 149 00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:35,828 Do any of his relatives live nearby? 150 00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,075 Actually, yes. 151 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:41,827 Uh, he has a great-times-30 granddaughter 152 00:06:41,852 --> 00:06:44,051 who lives here in Staten Island. 153 00:06:44,076 --> 00:06:46,458 So did you get your DNA tested, Guillermo? 154 00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:49,219 I did, but you probably wouldn't be interested 155 00:06:49,244 --> 00:06:52,458 - in finding out the results. - Yes. Probably not. 156 00:06:53,142 --> 00:06:55,333 Thank you for attending. 157 00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:58,094 I'm mainly mestizo, which I already knew. 158 00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:01,184 3.12% Dutch. 159 00:07:01,209 --> 00:07:03,481 That's pretty cool. 160 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,559 This basically shows my family tree. 161 00:07:05,584 --> 00:07:07,319 There's the Dutch family, 162 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,079 and the name is Van Helsing. 163 00:07:09,104 --> 00:07:11,894 That's... 164 00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:13,442 that's actually really funny. 165 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,622 Uh, 'cause I don't know if you're familiar with, uh, 166 00:07:16,946 --> 00:07:18,442 who Van Helsing is... 167 00:07:20,046 --> 00:07:21,882 The most notorious vampire killer. 168 00:07:21,907 --> 00:07:24,677 I have Van Helsing DNA in my blood, 169 00:07:25,258 --> 00:07:26,786 which is... 170 00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,668 But he's not real, so... 171 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,352 He's not real. 172 00:07:33,594 --> 00:07:34,830 Is he? 173 00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,098 I mean, vampires are real, 174 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,762 but... 175 00:07:38,835 --> 00:07:41,278 I suppose there could be a vampire... 176 00:07:42,708 --> 00:07:43,909 Oh, wow. 177 00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:44,848 I love vampires. 178 00:07:44,873 --> 00:07:46,489 I-I... 179 00:07:47,077 --> 00:07:49,446 I killed two accidentally. 180 00:07:50,194 --> 00:07:51,863 Stay back! 181 00:07:53,531 --> 00:07:54,739 Oh, fuck. 182 00:07:54,764 --> 00:07:55,848 My tummy feels weird. 183 00:07:55,873 --> 00:07:57,542 Just... 184 00:07:58,514 --> 00:08:00,684 I th... What'd I have for lunch? I had for lunch... 185 00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:02,434 I had, um... 186 00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:04,598 garlic. 187 00:08:12,114 --> 00:08:14,083 When I was a human man, 188 00:08:14,108 --> 00:08:16,825 I had rosy cheeks, yet in between those cheeks, 189 00:08:17,048 --> 00:08:18,965 there was never a smile. 190 00:08:18,990 --> 00:08:21,817 And then, one night, everything changed. 191 00:08:22,357 --> 00:08:23,942 Nadja came through the window 192 00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:25,676 and took my life. 193 00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:27,903 She opened a window to my soul 194 00:08:27,928 --> 00:08:30,239 and let the darkness in. 195 00:08:30,607 --> 00:08:33,348 I'm creating something very special for her. 196 00:08:33,373 --> 00:08:34,897 It's yet to take shape. 197 00:08:34,922 --> 00:08:37,614 When it does, I think she'll be very impressed. 198 00:08:37,639 --> 00:08:39,811 I can't be bothered to hold this anymore. Can you tether it? 199 00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:40,520 Uh, actually... 200 00:08:40,545 --> 00:08:42,521 What the fuck have you got in your hand?! 201 00:08:42,546 --> 00:08:43,504 Put that down! 202 00:08:43,529 --> 00:08:45,297 That's a wooden stake, you dickhead! 203 00:08:45,322 --> 00:08:47,090 Well, you asked me to buy garden stakes, so I b... 204 00:08:47,115 --> 00:08:49,114 Get them out of my sight now, you smart-ass. 205 00:08:49,139 --> 00:08:50,504 - Okay. - Where did you get them from? 206 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:51,998 - Amazon, so... - Well, then you get in your car, 207 00:08:52,023 --> 00:08:53,514 and you drive back to the Amazon. 208 00:08:53,539 --> 00:08:54,709 That's not how that w... It's online. 209 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,236 Shut your mouth, and tie this thing up. 210 00:08:57,717 --> 00:08:59,279 Fucking halfwit. 211 00:08:59,304 --> 00:09:02,740 Stakes! The most offensive thing he could bring into the house. 212 00:09:02,765 --> 00:09:03,966 Tighter! 213 00:09:03,991 --> 00:09:07,553 So, Nandor has 200,000 descendants. 214 00:09:07,578 --> 00:09:11,201 Still far fewer than, uh, Genghis Khan. 215 00:09:11,363 --> 00:09:13,748 Um, so we're gonna go visit one. 216 00:09:13,773 --> 00:09:15,397 Her name is Madeline. 217 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,373 I'm going to float up to her window and see her. 218 00:09:18,622 --> 00:09:21,561 Not going to introduce myself yet. 219 00:09:21,586 --> 00:09:23,255 Don't want to frighten her. 220 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,951 I need you to be very supportive of me at this delicate moment. 221 00:09:26,976 --> 00:09:29,068 Going to give her some gifts. 222 00:09:29,093 --> 00:09:31,123 Got her a little teddy bear. 223 00:09:31,148 --> 00:09:32,545 Ugh. You know what? 224 00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:34,701 This isn't working, me being supportive. 225 00:09:34,726 --> 00:09:37,696 I feel like I am literally eating myself. 226 00:09:37,721 --> 00:09:38,865 Ugh! 227 00:09:39,091 --> 00:09:40,592 It is time. 228 00:09:50,212 --> 00:09:51,990 Don't tap on the window. 229 00:09:52,015 --> 00:09:55,279 I see her. She's asleep. 230 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,772 How does she look, Master? 231 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,800 She looks a little older than I was anticipating. 232 00:09:59,825 --> 00:10:02,576 That-That's what I was trying to tell you... she's 94. 233 00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:05,375 - So young! - Don't tap on the window. 234 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,333 She is stirring. I'm going to tap on the window. 235 00:10:08,365 --> 00:10:09,655 - No. - N-No, Master, 236 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:10,865 don't tap on the window. 237 00:10:10,890 --> 00:10:12,726 Madeline! 238 00:10:13,263 --> 00:10:14,779 Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap! 239 00:10:14,804 --> 00:10:16,873 - Oh, crap. - Wakey, wakey! 240 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,311 Ah. 241 00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:19,631 She's awake. 242 00:10:19,656 --> 00:10:21,457 Come to me, my little one. 243 00:10:21,482 --> 00:10:23,685 Come, look, this is for you. 244 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,279 Your grandpappy is here. 245 00:10:26,304 --> 00:10:27,514 Say hello. 246 00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:28,983 This is... 247 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,031 Oh, no. 248 00:10:33,018 --> 00:10:35,424 I knew I shouldn't have tapped on her window, 249 00:10:35,449 --> 00:10:37,050 but you goaded me. 250 00:10:37,252 --> 00:10:39,989 If, by "goading," you mean my saying, 251 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:43,144 "Under no circumstances should you tap on her window," 252 00:10:43,169 --> 00:10:44,971 then, yes, I goaded you. 253 00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:46,285 Yes, exactly. You see, 254 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:49,263 you are a goader, Guillermo is a goader. 255 00:10:49,288 --> 00:10:52,199 You saw an opportunity to goad and what did you do? 256 00:10:52,224 --> 00:10:54,347 - You goaded it. - Okay. 257 00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,506 Guillermo! 258 00:10:56,711 --> 00:10:58,175 What is this feeling 259 00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,834 I am feeling? 260 00:10:59,975 --> 00:11:01,925 It's grief, Master! 261 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,386 Grief? 262 00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:06,035 I don't care for it. 263 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,425 Wait, wait. Nandor! 264 00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:11,063 How am I supposed to get down, Nandor? 265 00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:13,949 You goaded me, and now you got to take the stairs! 266 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,582 This is why you don't get attached to humans. 267 00:11:16,607 --> 00:11:18,379 They don't last long. 268 00:11:18,404 --> 00:11:20,430 It is like with my sweet Gregor. 269 00:11:20,455 --> 00:11:23,214 He is reborn and then he dies. 270 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:27,347 And again and again and again. 271 00:11:27,372 --> 00:11:29,941 And every time he comes back, our love is reignited 272 00:11:29,966 --> 00:11:31,566 like a big ball of flames, 273 00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:34,293 and then he is brutally decapitated. 274 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:36,453 Look at this one. 275 00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:38,753 Such a beautiful head of hair. 276 00:11:38,778 --> 00:11:40,451 I like it when he's subservient, 277 00:11:40,476 --> 00:11:41,744 but not like this. 278 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:44,308 Hello! Num, num, num, num, num. 279 00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:48,948 ♪ Gregor, you are the sweetest boy ♪ 280 00:11:48,973 --> 00:11:50,707 ♪ Kid. ♪ 281 00:11:50,732 --> 00:11:54,081 I have to be very careful in case Laszlo sees. 282 00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:57,569 ♪ My sweet Gregor ♪ 283 00:11:57,594 --> 00:11:59,855 ♪ Gregor, can you hear me? ♪ 284 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,863 ♪ Gregor, hear me ♪ 285 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,390 ♪ Singing this song ♪ 286 00:12:04,415 --> 00:12:07,753 ♪ Gregor, can you hear me? ♪ 287 00:12:07,778 --> 00:12:09,667 ♪ Gregor, hear me ♪ - Nadja. 288 00:12:09,692 --> 00:12:12,230 - Nadja! Nadja! - ♪ Singing this song... ♪ 289 00:12:12,255 --> 00:12:15,394 _ - 290 00:12:19,637 --> 00:12:22,128 I'm Gregor! 291 00:12:25,691 --> 00:12:27,409 Nadja! 292 00:12:29,496 --> 00:12:30,862 Nadja? 293 00:12:31,906 --> 00:12:33,683 Nadja! 294 00:12:42,415 --> 00:12:45,792 Hey! Hey! Goddamn it. Call the cops. 295 00:12:50,618 --> 00:12:53,655 Nandor has invited us to join him at the funeral 296 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,774 of his descendant Madeline. 297 00:12:55,799 --> 00:12:57,858 - Wait. It's in a church? - Oh, bloody hell. 298 00:12:57,883 --> 00:13:00,086 - Well, of course. It's a funeral. - But hang on. 299 00:13:00,111 --> 00:13:01,766 It's night. Shouldn't there be no one in there? 300 00:13:01,791 --> 00:13:03,711 I got it changed to later in the evening. 301 00:13:03,736 --> 00:13:05,008 - Asshole. - How did you do that? 302 00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:07,202 I... called in a bomb scare. 303 00:13:07,227 --> 00:13:08,462 - I can't go in there. - No. 304 00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:10,087 Do it for Madeline. 305 00:13:10,112 --> 00:13:11,938 Look at the pictures on the glass. 306 00:13:12,113 --> 00:13:14,430 It's the Jeebus man. 307 00:13:14,455 --> 00:13:16,590 Thought of going in a church... a church... 308 00:13:16,789 --> 00:13:18,337 Makes me nervous to say the word. 309 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,531 I just... 310 00:13:20,575 --> 00:13:22,383 You know, this... Not much scares me, 311 00:13:22,408 --> 00:13:23,743 but this... 312 00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:25,477 She can go in. Why can't we? Look at... 313 00:13:25,502 --> 00:13:26,985 - Because she's not a vampire! - Look at her. 314 00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:28,778 I'm a vampire. I can go in. 315 00:13:28,803 --> 00:13:32,508 Energy vampires have no problems going into places of worship. 316 00:13:32,533 --> 00:13:34,392 We find it to be fertile feeding ground. 317 00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:36,094 - No! Ooh! - Wonderful, Colin. 318 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:37,344 Can you go in and pay our respects, 319 00:13:37,369 --> 00:13:38,501 and we'll just stand here? 320 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,899 This is not about feeding ground. 321 00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:42,611 This is about my great-great-great-great- 322 00:13:42,636 --> 00:13:44,930 great-great-great-great-great-great- 323 00:13:44,955 --> 00:13:48,626 great-great-granddaughter. Please. 324 00:13:48,651 --> 00:13:50,486 Please? 325 00:13:50,511 --> 00:13:52,876 Fuck it. Fine. 326 00:13:52,901 --> 00:13:55,383 - Madeline. - Again, it's okay for me to go in. 327 00:13:55,408 --> 00:13:56,843 I-I'm... I'm gonna be fine. 328 00:13:56,868 --> 00:13:58,883 - Madeline. - Laszlo. 329 00:13:59,073 --> 00:14:01,157 And it is with great sadness 330 00:14:01,182 --> 00:14:03,084 and tremendous remorse 331 00:14:03,321 --> 00:14:05,743 that we say goodbye to Madeline Darvish. 332 00:14:05,768 --> 00:14:07,937 She did not have children of her own, 333 00:14:07,962 --> 00:14:10,730 but many considered her a mother figure. 334 00:14:10,752 --> 00:14:11,954 - Please rise. - Motherfucking rise. 335 00:14:11,979 --> 00:14:13,790 - Then you rise. - You rise. 336 00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:15,694 - I really appreciate you coming. - The Lord is my shepherd. 337 00:14:15,719 --> 00:14:17,868 - I shall not want... - Nandor, we got to get out of here. 338 00:14:17,893 --> 00:14:20,407 Nandor, I'm so sorry. I don't know how much longer I can last. 339 00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:26,571 Nandor, my mascara is running because of the blood. 340 00:14:26,596 --> 00:14:28,423 You look great. 341 00:14:28,448 --> 00:14:29,815 I got to get out. 342 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,369 I can't do this. 343 00:14:31,394 --> 00:14:34,096 It is a lovely service, but I'm on fire. 344 00:14:34,131 --> 00:14:35,930 Your rod and your staff... 345 00:14:35,955 --> 00:14:37,523 - they comfort me. - Thank you for coming, Nadja. 346 00:14:37,548 --> 00:14:40,196 Hey, I'm gonna go, too. I'd rather watch TV. 347 00:14:40,221 --> 00:14:42,618 Thank you, Colin Robinson. 348 00:14:42,643 --> 00:14:44,618 And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 349 00:14:44,643 --> 00:14:46,547 Please be seated. 350 00:14:48,008 --> 00:14:49,071 Guillermo. 351 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,352 Guillermo, I'm on fire. Get some water. 352 00:14:51,377 --> 00:14:52,796 Water. 353 00:14:52,821 --> 00:14:54,766 Aah! 354 00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:59,383 So sad. I... 355 00:14:59,461 --> 00:15:01,360 really miss her. 356 00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:03,172 That was holy water, Guillermo. 357 00:15:03,197 --> 00:15:05,040 Are you trying to kill me? 358 00:15:06,116 --> 00:15:07,952 She died too young. 359 00:15:07,977 --> 00:15:09,001 If anyone 360 00:15:09,026 --> 00:15:10,672 from the family would like 361 00:15:10,697 --> 00:15:12,733 to say a few words, 362 00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:15,415 n-now would be a good time. 363 00:15:17,973 --> 00:15:19,900 Good night, my darling. 364 00:15:19,925 --> 00:15:22,172 Good night, my darling. 365 00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,841 _ 366 00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:27,477 West on Jefferson Avenue, 367 00:15:27,502 --> 00:15:29,016 - _ - got a late model red station wagon. 368 00:15:29,041 --> 00:15:31,543 10-96. Escaped mental patient. 369 00:15:31,568 --> 00:15:33,696 _ - So, my boy Sean... 370 00:15:33,721 --> 00:15:34,735 Ca-caw! 371 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,584 Came to the corner store down on Eastern Parkway 372 00:15:36,609 --> 00:15:39,417 to get some Twizzlers, but they only had a family size. 373 00:15:39,442 --> 00:15:41,451 - Yo, shut up, shut up, look. - What, man? I'm telling a... 374 00:15:41,476 --> 00:15:43,712 - Yo! Whoa! - What the fu...? Dude, what? 375 00:15:43,737 --> 00:15:45,538 Holy shit. Oh, my God. 376 00:15:45,563 --> 00:15:46,873 Whoa! 377 00:15:46,898 --> 00:15:48,334 Dude, holy... Yo... 378 00:15:48,359 --> 00:15:51,172 - Holy shit! Oh, my God. - Oh! Look at that! 379 00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:53,092 - Look at that. - Holy shit. 380 00:15:53,117 --> 00:15:54,233 Nadja! 381 00:15:54,258 --> 00:15:55,686 - Are you okay? - Holy shit. 382 00:15:55,934 --> 00:15:57,522 Cheeze-It, yo, yo, yo. 383 00:15:57,547 --> 00:15:59,018 - Hey, hey, hey. - Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 384 00:15:59,043 --> 00:16:01,217 - Oh! - Oh, my God. 385 00:16:02,117 --> 00:16:03,322 Nadja! 386 00:16:03,347 --> 00:16:04,782 That's not-that's not yours. Hey! 387 00:16:04,807 --> 00:16:05,406 Dude! 388 00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,490 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 389 00:16:10,226 --> 00:16:11,840 - Yo, yo, yo, yo. - Stop! 390 00:16:11,865 --> 00:16:13,837 Nadja?! 391 00:16:14,791 --> 00:16:16,793 Nadja! 392 00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:20,197 Nadja! 393 00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:21,837 Shit. 394 00:16:22,597 --> 00:16:24,299 Nadja! 395 00:16:24,501 --> 00:16:26,478 - Jesk? - Nadja. 396 00:16:26,503 --> 00:16:28,451 - Oh... - My Nadja. I heard your call. 397 00:16:28,476 --> 00:16:30,368 - Shh. - My destiny has brought me here, 398 00:16:30,393 --> 00:16:33,072 - and it is to be with you. - Oh. 399 00:16:33,097 --> 00:16:35,368 Jesk, uh, you-you shouldn't be here. 400 00:16:35,393 --> 00:16:36,908 - My husband lives here. - Husband? 401 00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:39,446 And he is very big, wide man, 402 00:16:39,471 --> 00:16:41,181 - and he loves to bite. - I don't give a shit. 403 00:16:41,206 --> 00:16:43,041 - He loves to bite... - Our destiny cannot be denied. 404 00:16:43,066 --> 00:16:46,743 - Who's this, my darling? - Well... Oh... 405 00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:48,220 A gentleman caller? 406 00:16:48,245 --> 00:16:50,414 Uh, no. This is just my friend from the park. 407 00:16:50,439 --> 00:16:52,007 We're having a quick catch-up. 408 00:16:52,032 --> 00:16:54,212 I am here for Nadja. 409 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,806 Nadja... is my wife. 410 00:16:58,739 --> 00:17:00,564 I should cut your head off. 411 00:17:00,589 --> 00:17:02,780 Oh, L-Laszlo, you don't need to do that. 412 00:17:02,805 --> 00:17:05,142 I always have. 413 00:17:05,167 --> 00:17:06,267 - Wait, what? - What? 414 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:07,540 I know who you are. 415 00:17:07,565 --> 00:17:09,867 Outward appearance may have changed. 416 00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:11,493 The pattern remains the same. 417 00:17:11,518 --> 00:17:13,886 You get reborn, you try and find her, 418 00:17:14,164 --> 00:17:16,025 and I cut your head off. 419 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,587 Oh, shit. 420 00:17:24,785 --> 00:17:26,453 When I was a street thief? 421 00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:28,146 I had the cleaver in my hand. 422 00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:31,331 When I was a naval officer? 423 00:17:31,356 --> 00:17:32,857 I was on board that ship with a cutlass. 424 00:17:32,882 --> 00:17:34,534 When I was atop 425 00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:35,780 - that horse in the battlefield in... - Yeah, yeah. 426 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,178 That was me. 427 00:17:37,203 --> 00:17:38,454 The Amazon explorer? 428 00:17:38,479 --> 00:17:40,215 Guess who tipped off the natives. 429 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,054 When I was a mouse? 430 00:17:41,079 --> 00:17:42,171 I was a cat. 431 00:17:42,196 --> 00:17:43,561 When he was a washer woman? 432 00:17:43,586 --> 00:17:46,397 - We can do this all night. - Really? 433 00:17:46,422 --> 00:17:48,116 - You're an evil genius. - My darling, 434 00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:51,796 every time doughboy turns up, you start crying. 435 00:17:52,017 --> 00:17:53,499 Now, I'm not having that. 436 00:17:53,524 --> 00:17:57,173 You're my sweet baby, and I'm here to stop that kind of jive. 437 00:17:57,198 --> 00:17:59,624 Aw. Crazy knight in... 438 00:17:59,649 --> 00:18:02,051 shining black coat. 439 00:18:02,076 --> 00:18:03,411 Oh, Laszlo. 440 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,319 Well, this is fucked up. 441 00:18:05,344 --> 00:18:06,944 - Should we get on with it? - No. No. 442 00:18:06,969 --> 00:18:09,906 Let him have at least one full life, my darling. 443 00:18:09,931 --> 00:18:11,200 Is this what you want? 444 00:18:11,486 --> 00:18:13,387 Why... y-yes. 445 00:18:14,024 --> 00:18:15,678 I suggest you fuck off 446 00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,780 and never darken our doorstep again. 447 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:22,264 My wife has everything she needs with me. Is that understood? 448 00:18:22,289 --> 00:18:24,514 Goodbye. 449 00:18:24,539 --> 00:18:26,196 May-Maybe I'll see you in the next life. 450 00:18:26,221 --> 00:18:28,109 - Yeah, maybe you won't. - Oh, okay. All right. 451 00:18:28,134 --> 00:18:29,469 All right, all right. I'm going. 452 00:18:29,494 --> 00:18:31,710 - May-Maybe you will. - Mm-hmm. 453 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:35,069 Now, my darling. I've created something for you. 454 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,625 Here's your surprise. 455 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,913 It's me. 456 00:18:40,938 --> 00:18:42,907 - It is the most beautiful thing - That's it. 457 00:18:42,932 --> 00:18:45,531 - My eyes has ever witnessed. - I'm out of here. 458 00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:47,124 Farewell, my love... 459 00:18:47,149 --> 00:18:48,451 Ooh! 460 00:18:48,571 --> 00:18:50,530 - Bloody not. - Laszlo, what the 461 00:18:50,555 --> 00:18:52,777 - fucking hell have you done?! - No, no, no, no, my darling. 462 00:18:52,802 --> 00:18:54,427 I swear, that had nothing to do with me. 463 00:18:54,452 --> 00:18:55,820 Aw. Ew. 464 00:18:55,845 --> 00:18:58,311 I'll leave you some time alone with... 465 00:18:58,962 --> 00:19:00,796 whatever his name is. 466 00:19:01,715 --> 00:19:03,342 Oh, Gregor, 467 00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:07,335 thank you for all the lovely times, and I'll see you soon. 468 00:19:15,538 --> 00:19:17,340 Guillermo? 469 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,991 - Yes, Master? - You all right? 470 00:19:20,016 --> 00:19:21,732 I'm just tired, Master. 471 00:19:21,757 --> 00:19:22,889 You sure? 472 00:19:22,914 --> 00:19:25,202 Yes, I'm sure. Time for bed. 473 00:19:25,695 --> 00:19:28,764 What was the results of your ancestry test? 474 00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:36,147 Just... stereotypical... Mexican. 475 00:19:36,363 --> 00:19:38,928 - Piñata farmers. - Piñata farmers. Mm-hmm. 476 00:19:38,953 --> 00:19:40,717 There's nothing to be ashamed of. 477 00:19:40,742 --> 00:19:42,710 People love piñatas. 478 00:19:42,735 --> 00:19:45,842 Someone's got to breed those colorful donkeys. 479 00:19:46,305 --> 00:19:48,007 Thank you, Master. 480 00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:54,439 Thank you for helping me tonight on my saddest night. 481 00:19:54,464 --> 00:19:57,367 Even though you did throw holy water onto me! 482 00:19:57,392 --> 00:20:00,139 Do you remember that?! It really burned! 483 00:20:00,164 --> 00:20:02,359 - Sorry. - Why would you do that?! 484 00:20:02,384 --> 00:20:04,186 Outrageous! 485 00:20:04,211 --> 00:20:06,132 Aah, my burns! 486 00:20:06,157 --> 00:20:09,160 From the holy water that you threw on me. 487 00:20:09,185 --> 00:20:11,588 That is one demerit point for you, 488 00:20:11,613 --> 00:20:14,639 and one more year as my familiar. 489 00:20:14,908 --> 00:20:16,491 Good night. 490 00:20:19,273 --> 00:20:21,092 - Guillermo? - Hmm? 491 00:20:21,117 --> 00:20:23,413 You're having a serious thought? 492 00:20:23,545 --> 00:20:24,952 No. 493 00:20:24,977 --> 00:20:28,116 Oh, yeah, you probably weren't. 494 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,945 Good night. 495 00:20:30,151 --> 00:20:32,514 Good night, Master. 496 00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:59,186 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 34396

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