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Wind power, water power, coal power.

How great would it be
if you could harness the power

of a young man in love?

Can't talk. Going to see April.
I'm in love!

Mm, you know, one good thing
about being saddled

with the worst dorm on campus...

You really appreciate the outside.

Keep spinning it, girlfriend.

Can you check my hair for mouse poop?

Hey. Is that...

Don't let the Morley Safer
School of Journalism

turn into the Home Depot
School of Journalism!

Oh, hi, hon.

Ah.

- You want to go say hi?
- That's okay.

He doesn't know it,

but I'm actually kind of
protesting him right now.

Last night, he made the delivery
guy take back the pizza

because he didn't like
where the cheese was sourced.

Professor Balio?

Hi. Sue Heck.

I just wanted to introduce myself

on the first day of class.

College can be so impersonal.

I just wanted to say
I'm very excited to be here.

Or am I here?

Philosophy joke.

I'm sorry. Did you say Sue Heck?

Are you sure you're in the right class?

I-I don't see you on my list.

You know what?
I would be shocked if you did.

No prob. Happens all the time.

I get dropped from lists
or people don't remember me

or they think I'm someone else.

You'll see.

Sherpa's home.

All right.

Construction paper,
thermos, electrical tape,

washer fluid, dog treats, people treats.

Picked your medicine,
and chicken sub, no pickles.

I know, they don't have
the seeded bun anymore,

so they gave it to you on wheat.

I am done. My day is over.

Goodbye.

Uh, I wouldn't take that off just yet.

Tiny problem.

You brought me pills
instead of my usual medicine.

Sadly, I cannot swallow pills.

Well, sadly, I will not be going back.

You're in high school now.

I'm not gonna get you a razor
and the New York Review of Books

and then buy you raspberry-flavored
squirty medicine.

Look, I'm more than flexible.

I'd prefer the teddy bear shot glass,

but I'm more than willing to
accept the plain plastic syringe

if it's slightly warmed
in the microwave.

Sorry. Pills are what we got.

If you want your ear infection
to get better,

you got to take a pill.

Remember how scared you were
of Scotch tape?

And now you can be
in the same room with it.

Wow. Are you seriously telling me

that you're unwilling to go back out

and get your son the medicine
in the form that he requires?

Oh, damn!

Not cool, bro. Not cool.

So you fell asleep in one town
and woke up in another.

It's not a problem, dude.

That's an awesome college story.

You know what else
is an awesome college story?

Me graduating college.

I said I was sorry, all right?

Look, I had to see her.
We were together all summer.

Her eyes are the color of a lake, dude.

A lake! Would you just relax?

I'm gonna get you to your first class.

Nothing happens
in the first 15 minutes, anyway.

It's just when all the dorky kids

introduce themselves to the professors.

So, I was introducing myself
to my professors,

and I think there's been
a little mix-up.

See, none of them seem
to have me on their rosters.

Well, let's see if we can't get to
the bottom of this mystery, huh?

Name?

Sue Sue Heck.

Well, okay.

So, did you have a nice summer?

Oh, my God. It was a-ma-zing.

I worked at Dollywood.

Girl in the Well
for 14 1/2 performances.

Well, that sounds like fun.

Huh. I'll be darned.

What?

It says you never signed up
for any classes.

So, tell me.

Is that Dolly Parton as nice
as they say she is?

You know, she seems very down-to-earth.

Wait, what? No classes?

But I signed up for them
right when the lists went up...

2:00 a.m. July 15th.

Oh! Fanny hold the phone!

You're right.

You definitely did sign up
for those classes.

Phew!

Yeah, but then they got dropped
by the system

for nonpayment of tuition.

You know, I think my cousin
went to Dollywood once.

Or was it Nashville she went to?

No, no, no, no, no.
Nonpayment of tuition?

No, no. I don't have to pay tuition.

I'm on financial aid.

Look it up. You'll see.
I have financial aid.

Oh! There you go.

It says that your financial aid
got rescinded

because you failed to renew it.

Tuscaloosa.

No, no, no, no, no.
I didn't have to renew it.

I have the four-year package.

It came in this huge envelope.

We had to use six stamps
to mail it back.

We were poor enough for four years.

Yeah.

But even though you got it
for four years,

you still got to renew it every year.

You know, we send out letters

and you should have gotten an e-mail.

And there's the posters
with Lou the Renew Raccoon.

See, that's not even a good mascot.

Raccoons are hardly examples
of responsible behavior.

They're the bandits of the forest!

Okay. Fine.

Now we know. Let's just renew it then.

Let's just renew it right now.

Oh, yeah. Wouldn't that be great?

But that deadline has passed.

But don't worry.

There's still one thing you can do

to reinstate those dropped classes.

Okay, great. Phew!

Whatever it is, whatever it is,
let's just do it right now.

You just need to write a check
for the whole year's tuition.

It's huge!

It's a normal-sized pill.

Now, come on. Ready? Go.

What's the matter with you?
Did I tell you to chew it?

You can't chew those.
You got to take them with water.

Come on.

You swallowed seven LEGOs...
that I know of.

It's no different than swallowing food.

Here, look.

See? Nothing to it.

Now, come on. Let's get it done.

You made me waste an M&M.

Did I do it?

Brick, people your age
used to be blacksmiths.

They handled hot iron.
You can swallow a little pill.

They also died at 14.

Just like you're gonna do
if you don't take the damn pill!

Now, come on. You're overthinking it.

Just relax. Okay?

Put the pill on your tongue
and just let it sit there.

Now take a sip of water.

All right. Now just hold it there.

Imagine that it's a river,

and the pill is a little raft.

And you're just serenely floating do...

Swallow it, swallow
it, swallow it, swallow it.

Ow! Br...

Mom! Dad! Help!

Sue! What's the matter? Are you okay?

What's going on?

Whoa, whoa. Slow down.

Sentences, Sue. Whole sentences.

East Indy kicked me out!

I'm not in college anymore!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Did you tell them
you have it for four years?

Did you mention the big envelope?

Did you tell them how poor we are?

Yes, yes, yes!
I even showed them a picture

of our family room
I had saved on my phone,

but it didn't help.

I made a mistake,
and I missed the deadline,

and I didn't renew it,
and then it's all gone!

It's all gone!

What? No! They can't do that!

Well, they did!

Okay, hold on. Calm down, everyone.

When was the deadline?

March.

- March?!
- March?!

I was so happy then.

And now I'll never see Lexie again,

and I will never paint my face
for a Dragons game,

and I'll never put a couch
on the lawn in the spring...

Not that I ever did that, but that's
something I imagined myself doing!

Wow, that's really bad.

You know, this probably
isn't a good time

for me to be swallowing a pill.

I don't want to add
to the family stress.

Brick!

How the hell did this happen?

It's my fault. It is all my fault.

I kind of remember getting an e-mail

with a lot of words in it like "fiscal"

and "pursuant to" and "subsidies"!

Yeah, well, "pursuant to"
the situation, we are screwed!

Why didn't you send it to us?

You said not to forward you
so much stuff!

Yeah, I was talking about the daily
soup choices at the dining hall,

not critical financial information!

Well, I thought
it was just for our records.

I didn't realize
I had to do anything with it!

"For our records"?

You know we don't have any records!

You want to see our records?

Here! Here they are!

You know, there is blood
on your hands, too.

You're the parents.

You're supposed to know
about this stuff.

It's not our responsibility, Sue!

They sent this stuff to you

because they assumed you were an adult!

Well, that's where the mistake happened

because I am not an adult!

I still play checkers with Woofy Dog.

And I lose!

See, Brick, this is why you got
to learn to swallow a pill.

Everyone has to learn
to grow the hell up right now!

Calm down.
Losing it doesn't help anybody.

I think we just have to go up there,

talk to the bursar, and
straighten out this whole mess.

Your dad's right.

I mean, we'll go nuts on 'em
if we have to.

We'll be the mayors of Crazytown.

Oh, and I know
the hostess at Applebee's.

Her second cousin is a Congressman.

Don't think I won't play that card.

'Cause I will burn that place down.

Because we are strong and
we are Americans, and they...

Yeah, you're staying home.

I think it's smarter if I go down there,

calmly explain the situation.

So she missed the deadline.

There's got to be
some kind of grace period.

Grace period!

Yes. Yes, yes!

There will be a grace period,

and grace will be bestowed upon me.

See, you know this
because you're the dad

and you know about grace periods
and you can make it right.

Thank you, Daddy! Thank you so much!

What are you doing?

Oh. Hey, Axl.

Uh, Kenny and I were just
doing a little safety check

- on the 'Bago.
- Safety check?

Weren't you the guy who said,
"Brakes are for sissies"?

Yeah, well, I just noticed this
thing has really been acting up.

Like yesterday, it rudely
drove itself to Orson again

without telling anybody.

Well, maybe it had to go there

because it has a girlfriend
whose hair smells like lemons.

Lemons!

Well, you know, I'm starting
to think that this 'Bago

is whipped.

Well, you know what I think?

I think you are a selfish, little man.

You know what? I'm done with you.

That's it!

Kenny and I are freezing you out.

Kenny, stop talking. Oh, that is low.

Fine, I'm freezing you out, too.

You can't freeze me out.
I froze you out first.

Can't even hear you. You're frozen out.

Freeze back in. You suck. Freeze out.

Freeze in. You're a jerk!

Freeze back out. Freeze back in.

Maybe I'll find another place to live.

Freeze back out. Freeze back in.

Maybe I don't even want
to live with you.

Freeze back out.

Freeze back in. Good.

Freeze out. Secret bonus freeze in.

And your hair's not as great
as you think it is.

- Freeze back out.
- Freeze in.

Freeze back out.

I got two hours to see April.

I'm not gonna waste it having
a childish argument with you!

Really, Sue?

Ugh. I'm sorry.

I mean, I sometimes look down when walk.

I-I don't want to trip,

and also, I'm always looking
for lucky pennies.

Well, if you find 20,000 bucks
worth, let me know.

Wait, I got to poop again.

Oh, come on, Sue.
We already stopped twice.

I'm sorry. I'm just nervous.

What if she says no?

That's not gonna happen.

'Cause we're gonna get you
back in school.

Now, look.

When we get in there, just as a warning,

you may see me do some things
you've never seen before.

Things I'm not proud of.

Hi! Ms. Teegarden, is it?

Teegarden. That's a pretty name.

And who... Oh! Who's the cute kitty?

She's a little sweetie, isn't she?

Mr. Heck. How can I help you?

Well, first of all, let me thank you

for taking time
out of your busy schedule.

I know you've got a lot on your plate.

Okay, we have a little situation here.

My wife's a little upset with me.

See, our daughter forgot to fill
out her financial aid package.

Just a small thing.

But now they're telling her
that she won't be in school,

and she really wants to go to school

because school is important and...

Look who I'm talking to.
You're an educator.

I don't have to tell you that.

So, if you could just see your
way clear to reinstate that aid,

well, that'd go a long way to
get me out of the old doghouse

with the old wife.

Not that she's old. She's kind of old.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

I appreciate your plight,

but unfortunately,
there's nothing I can do.

Unless you'd like to pay
the full tuition now.

Oh, well, I'd like to,

but I'm afraid that's not really
a possibility for us right now.

You want to see a picture
of our family room?

No, see, we're not asking
for anything extra.

We only take as many ketchup packets

as the drive-thru gives us.

We're... We're just asking
for what we already had.

See?

There must be some kind
of wiggle room here.

Mr. Heck, I did not get
to be East Indiana State's

first woman bursar by fudging the rules.

F-First woman bursar, huh?

Funny coincidence...

Sue here always kind of
wanted to be a bursar!

Oh! Oh, yeah.

Oh, growing up, I used to play bursar

with my friends
in the basement all the time.

Hoo-hoo.

Of course, I never withheld funds.

I was all about the allotting.

Look, the truth is, it's not up to me.

The state FAFSA deadlines

are set by the Department of Education,

and we have no control over them.

I'm afraid the matter is closed.

Ye...

What if it were your daughter?

Here. You be me aa-and I'll be you.

Real quick. Let's change places.

I'm the bursar, and this is my picture.

"Hmm. I sure understand your dilemma.

Hmm, let me think about that.

I'm gonna find a way."

But you are not the bursar. I am.

And the answer is no.

But if you were sitting
in this position,

I think you would see it.

You've come to me.

I'm the bursar. This is my cat.

"I'm gonna help you
'cause what is a bursar

besides someone who sees
beyond the bounds of numbers."

Okay, I'm gonna have to ask you
not to touch my cat picture.

Look, my daughter made a mistake,

and sometimes when you make a mistake,

someone... can step in...
a kind providence,

a-a knight, a hero, a bursar...

and they can take an action

that changes the course of human events!

Now, what would that feel like?

Dad, ask her about the grace period.

Okay. So, what do we do now?
What's our plan "B"?

I don't know, Sue.

Well, there must be something.

Oh, wait!

You never mentioned Mom's friend,

the hostess at Applebee's.

Should we go back in?

No. We're done.

Well, can't we go over her head?

Can't we just keep going over heads

until we get to the head that says yes?

Come on, Dad. What's our next step?

I don't have the next step!
Don't you get it?

You know, we wouldn't be in this mess

if you paid just a little bit
more attention.

I thought a summer in Dollywood
would help you grow up,

but I guess I was wrong.

Why are you yelling at me?

You think I'm not upset?

I'm the one who doesn't
get to go to college.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm just... frustrated.

I'm the dad.

I'm supposed to know how to fix
these things for you,

and I just don't know how to fix this.

Hmm.

Mmm.

All right, blocking drills.
We're pairing up.

Heck, you're with Hutch.

Krewson, you're gonna be with Donovan.

Uh, excuse me, Coach?
Can I hit with Madman instead?

This isn't a dinner party.
This is football!

You go where I tell you.

Now go! Get your helmets on!

Here we go.

Look alive, people! Here we go!

Line up!

Okay. Watch the leg.

Oh, is that your scooterin' leg?

Hey, I didn't even get
to see April that day,

so I hope you're happy, butthead!

"Butthead"?! You're the butthead!

You left me in the middle of Orson!

And you tore up the 'Bago!

I tore it up 'cause you're rude!

You got no consideration
for anybody but yourself!

You're just jealous.

"Jealous"? Why would I be jealous?

'Cause I got a girl
with lake eyes and you don't.

Dude, you just don't get it!

You don't want to see me happy!
Why do you hate love?!

You think I hate love? I love love!

I love seeing you in love.
It's beautiful, man!

Then what's your problem?

The problem is, you didn't return
any of my texts this summer,

and I had to hear that
you were in love from Kenny.

It hurt, man. It really hurt.

I'm sorry.

You know I have a hard time
expressing my feelings.

It's just our senior year,
and you're my best friend.

I feel like you just don't care!

I care! I totally care!

Well, then spend more time with me.

Hug a brother once in a while.

You want a hug?
Then just say you want a hug!

I want a hug!

Heck! Hutchinson! I said break it up!

You see that?! Look at these two!

They're animals.

That's the kind of hate I want to see.

Look, if I'm gonna sneak out of
work in the middle of the day,

it better involve
a margarita or a Cinnabon.

Not a sick kid who won't take a pill.

I told the nurse not to call you.

I'm fine.

Besides, with my hearing getting worse,

all my other senses
are getting stronger.

You did have Cinnabon, didn't you?

Okay, that's it.
This pill is going in you.

Right now, you still have
a choice of which entrance.

Listen.

Sometimes you just got to
do things you don't want to do.

That's called being an adult.

I mean, I don't get it.

It's the easiest thing in the world.

Why can't you do it?

I don't know.

Why can't you parallel park?

I can parallel park.

Not really.

You drive blocks out of your way
just to avoid parallel parking,

which seems like something
an adult should be able to do.

Look.

My dad barked at me when I was
learning to parallel park,

and it was very tense,

and it's something
I never mastered, okay?

I get it.

Just seems like something you
should have gotten over by now.

Why can't you just do it?

Okay. Fine.

Fine. You know what? I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna parallel park and
you're gonna swallow that pill.

But... Hey.

If I'm doing it, you're doing it.

Okay.

Bumper even at the front.

Now gently, gently turn.

Ooh. Hey.

This is pretty good.

Oh, crap.

Hey! I did it!

I swallowed a pill!

I am a man!

Who cares? I dinged
that guy's license plate.

Let's get out of here.

Uh, Mom, I think we just
lost our side mirror.

Don't bark at me! I told you
I wasn't good at this!

I can't believe
this is really happening.

That you're really leaving.

What are you gonna do now?

I don't know. Move back home.

Work at Spudsy's. Cry a lot.

This can't be the end.

Did you try calling your lawyer?

What about your parents'
business manager?

Oh, Lexie. I'm gonna miss that.

Ugh. Why is the school e-mailing me?

Don't they know I don't go here anymore?

Wait, what?

Oh, my God.

No. Wait, Lexie.

Can this be right?

"Dear Sue Sue Heck,
We are pleased to inform you...

"...that you have been
reinstated as a student

at East Indiana State
for the current school year."

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
I'm back in school!

Oh, my God.

What do you think happened?
I don't know.

Maybe they changed their minds.

Maybe because Dad and I were so earnest.

Because earnestness triumphs
over red tape and bureaucracy

every time.

Because you don't get to be
the first woman bursar

of a major university
without having a heart!

Well, whatever it was, you get to stay!

Yay!

I love my life! I love my college!

I love my room!

We got to get out of this dump!

Mike, I just talked to Sue!
You heard the good news?

I heard.

What happened to your side mirror?

Oh, who cares about that?

Can you believe it?

We were so worried,
we didn't sleep all night,

and then look what happened.

The nightmare is over.

We're back to our regular nightmare.

And I didn't even have to use
my connection at Applebee's.

Yeah. Looks like it all worked out.

Aren't you excited?
Sue's back in school.

Although, I don't understand
why the bursar people

put us through so much hell
when they knew

they were just gonna give us
the financial aid anyway.

They didn't give us financial aid.

What do you mean? They must have.

Then how is Sue back in school?

I paid for it.

With what?

We have like $8 in checking.

We don't even have enough
to buy more checks.

I sold my half of the diaper business.

What?

What do you mean? How?

This guy from the baby fair's
been sniffing around

for a long time
trying to buy it from me.

He made a good offer,
so I called Rusty and I took it.

But you worked so hard.

You built that.

It's Sue.

Hmm.

Well, we built one business.

- We can build another one.
- Hmm.

I mean, I have... I have lots
of great ideas.

Like... Like remember crazy straws?

Okay, what if you could have a straw

that allowed you to drink
from across the room?

A Crazy-Crazy-Crazy Straw!

- Mm.
- Ooh, ooh!

How about a belt made of beef jerky?

That would be so great
for camping trips, right?

Oh, and, um, yes...

A breakaway bra so when moms come home

and they're tired from work,

they could just...
right down in front of the TV.

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