All language subtitles for The Kardashians S04E05 [ProtonMovies]_English [English] (SUBRIP)

KIM KARDASHIAN:
Previously on The Kardashians...

- So what's going on with your house?

- Well--
- Because you're gonna,

eventually, go back there.

- You're my best friend.

KIM: It's so crazy
because he's such a good friend

and he's such a good dad.

- I meet my person.
Why put you through that?

- You're really livin' large these days.

- I've gained a lotta weight
here 'cause of my back.

- You're kind of on that cusp of surgery.

KIM:
I am taking Saint and his best friends

on a trip to London and Paris.

Look how cool this is.

ALLISON STATTER: O-M-G!
KIM: Come on, guys.

Is such an amazing bonding experience.

- What happens if he moves on?

How are you gonna feel about that?

Is she gonna regret
not getting back with him?

- What was mindset when you cheated?

- You're asking me?
- Yes. Wh-Who else am I talking to?

♪ dramatic, orchestral music playing ♪

♪ Keep Your Head Up by RlyRly playing ♪

- ♪ I got your back,
if you've got my back I got your back ♪

- When you did that with my dad...

KRIS JENNER: Mm-hmm.
- ...and you had four kids,

and you had a family...
- Mm-hmm.

- ...and this whole thing.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yes, I know you were really young,

which is a big factor.

- I think being really young and dumb

is... something that plays into it

because you don't really...
understand the consequences

of your actions.

Appreciate the consequences.
- But what was my dad not doing

that made you wanna look elsewhere?

- I don't know 'cause he was such
a great husband and such a great dad,

and I think that I fell into

a situation where I thought that
the grass was greener somewhere else,

and I made a huge mistake.

I-- That's, like,
my life's biggest regret.

♪ melancholy music playing ♪

When I got divorced,
Robert and I became best friends.

We talked on the phone all day long,

helped each other
through things all the time.

And I did have regrets.
I thought, "Wow, what was I thinking?"

So, I just want Khloé to be really careful

when she makes these decisions,
and she has to let somebody go.

Ya know, I'm not proud
of the way that I behaved

during that time, but ya know what?

Everything happens for a reason.

I really do live my life
by thinking God has a plan.

KHLOÉ KARDASHIAN: Mm-hmm.
- And without that whole thing happening,

there never would've
been Kendall and Kylie.

- Right.
[Kris sighs]

- I just want you to be happy.

- I already have my happily ever after
with my kids. I'm totally happy.

When you have a partner,
ya know, I always put that person first,

and I don't wanna put
anyone first but my kids.

- Right.
- Life is short.

My kids are this age only for--
- A minute.

- Literally a blink of an eye.
- Yeah.

- And I have my kids and I...
- Couldn't agree with you more.

- ...am proud of myself for...
- Yeah.

- ...being with them as m-- like,
diving into them as much as I have.

'Cause it's really easy just to be
like, "No, someone else do it."

- Mm-hmm.
- But that's not what I wanna do

in my life right now...
- Yeah.

- ...and it's not who I've ever been.
- But how amazing for your kids,

and how amazing to have
this experience with them

and be so present,

because a lot of people aren't.
- Right.

- I move very fast
and make decisions quickly.

Khloé taking her time, that's amazing.

And I understand where she's at,

and I think it's
at a really healthy place.

She is one of the strongest
people I've ever met.

KHLOÉ:
I wanna just enjoy my life with them.

And if I find a guy, then I'll find a guy.

- Yeah.
- But it's-- that's not my top priority.

But I genuinely
don't want anything right now.

- Yeah.
- I don't want the responsibility

of another person.
- Yeah.

- So, give me time.

♪ Make It a Good One
by Vanacore Music playing ♪

- Deal.

- ♪ It's our time, it's our life ♪

♪ Now make it a good one ♪

♪ C'est pour toi by Roxanne playing ♪

♪ singing in native language ♪

- You wanna come with me?

So, we just left London,

and our next leg on our soccer tour

is to Paris to see
Paris Saint-Germain play.

And while I'm here,
I have a little meeting with Choupette,

Karl Lagerfeld's cat,

because Choupette is supposed
to be my date for The Met.

I wanna spend some time with her,
get to know her, and just see if we vibe.

- I want my phone!

We need to find it!
- I heard.

- You left it in the phone.

- No, I didn't. No.
- Phone.

- You left your phone in the phone?
[kids laughing]

KIM: I think I'm still learning
how to be a single parent,

and I just did the Jay Shetty podcast

where I spoke about parenting,

and I mean, I should be used to it now,

but everyone had a lot to say.

I'd say parenting is the thing that has
taught me the most about myself.

And it's a really hard task
when you have four kids,

and, you know, they all wanna be
put to bed at the same time.

- Mm-hmm.
- I think it's just those nights

when you can't divide yourself,

and you have to just
work with what we have.

[bird tweets]

KIM:
The struggles that my kids go through

really have nothing to do
with the amount of help that I have.

Obviously, having nannies
and a chef to help cook is beyond helpful.

It's all about family
and enjoying these moments.

It takes a village to raise kids,

but at the end of the day,
your kids only want you.

David Beckham sent 'em jerseys.

They're living it up.

I wish my boy thought that,
that I'm the coolest mom ever.

Do you guys think
I'm the coolest mom ever?

Yeah, Dylan does.
- Mom.

KIM: Riley does. Okay.
- My mom.

- Oh, your mom's the coolest mama.

I'm second. I'm okay to be
second to your mom, guys.

As long as my boy thinks
I'm the coolest mom ever.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

The one thing everyone has in common
is just the amount of time that we have.

And I'm raising four kids,
and I-I split my time

between my work,
my family, my four kids,

but I wanna make sure
that my kids have 90% of that.

- This is our hotel?

KIM: Mm-hmm.
SAINT WEST: Oh, yeah.

♪ Climb by Vanacore Music playing ♪

- ♪ Up to the mountaintop ♪

- ♪ So, I'm gonna climb ♪

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

- ♪ Let's get, let's get ♪

♪ Yeah, we runnin' in the clouds
and we won't go home ♪

♪ If they try to turn it down,
I'ma say, "Oh, no" ♪

- Lookin', lookin' pretty.

- ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- That piece came out good.

- How 'bout that thing
we had to make out of nothing?

- Brad buffed this down a little more.

Yeah, it's much cleaner like this.
- Right?

- He pocketed it.

- Yeah... Just comes out.
- Ooh, that's nice.

Why does it always look like
a vagina in the middle?

Look at that thing.
It's magnificent.

[door thumps]

- Did I break it?
SCOTT DISICK: Nah, you're good.

We got insurance.
- Hey.

Wow! This is so nice.

I still very much have
an interest in flipping homes.

SCOTT:
Are you still thinkin' about doin' this?

- Yeah.

I'm here at one of Scott's properties

that he's been working on for a while,

um, just to kind of check it out,

and then I leave right after,
and I'm going to Paris for work.

This is gorgeous.

WORKER:
Yeah, we did stone all the way in.

Travertine all the way in.
KENDALL JENNER: So pretty.

- But this is the life of building,
if you wanna get into it.

Takes time.
KENDALL: You're not scaring me.

- Did you know that I might
have to get back surgery

from that car accident I was in?
- What?

- Yeah. My back sucks.

I was with Mason,
and we were out on the little dirt bikes,

and he was askin' me
to teach him how to wheelie.

So I was wheelieing for him,

and I fell backwards
right onto my tailbone,

and now I've got dual back problems.

What's shakin'?
- I need someone to help me with my dog

because--
- Which? The new-- The Doberman?

- Pyro, he's three years old.

- Why, what's he up to?
- He's just wild.

I'm having serious issues with him.

- Like what?
- He has a lot-- He's just so much, like--

I swear he has, like, separate--
like, really bad separation anxiety,

and he's just--
- He's just hyper and loves you.

- He's just a wild guy. He's, like--

I have anxiety,
and I think he has anxiety.

- Right, you're freakin' out over him
and getting more anxious.

- Right.

Maybe I'm the problem.
I don't know, maybe he feels my anxiety.

I could be the problem.
- Do you have that much anxiety?

- Yeah, I've been really bad lately.
- Lately worse than ever?

- Yeah. It's one of the reasons why I'm,
like, actually scared to have children.

- [inhales] Can't not have kids
because of it, but it is scary.

- Honestly, the scariest part for me is

I'm like, am I just gonna
get worse throughout life?

'Cause I feel like it's
worse than ever right now.

And I'm just, like, the older I get,

is it just gonna get worse,
and worse, and worse?
- I think it'll get better.

I had it really bad and I got better.
- Yeah, I hope. I hope.

- I think I was about, like, eight...
from what I remember.

But I thought it-- there was, like,
something physically wrong with me.

Like, I made my mom
take me to a heart doctor,

and a lung doctor,
and a brain doctor, and all these people

'cause I thought
something was wrong with me.

And, and at that time, too,

like, people didn't really talk
about anxiety the way they do now.

I never knew that that's
what that was until later in life

being like, "Oh, that's what
that was that whole time."

And I had no clue.

- Everybody's got a problem.

- Yeah, I think that's
the common misconception.

It's, like, we're all human,

and we all feel everything--
- Right, and it sucks that people judge

when--
- Right.

- "How the [bleep] could you be anxious?"
- "How hard could your life be?"

Right.
- "When you're pretty, you have money,

you work, you have a great job."

Yeah, great.
- Yeah.

- Have all those great things on paper.
- Yeah.

- But I don't feel great.
- Yeah.

- So, [bleep] you.

KENDALL: I have definitely
struggled with a little bit of guilt

for even feeling anxiety or feeling unwell

because I-I do have a lot of blessings,
and I am a really lucky person,

but we all have shit to a certain degree.

So, I think just a little more
compassion would be nice.

I'm also such a control freak,
so I wish I could, like,

fix it or stop it, like, immediately--
- I feel like everybody in your family

is control freaks.
- I know.

I think we get that from Kris Jenner.

- I mean... she's a controller.
- [laughs] She's a controller.

- That's for sure.

♪ Cheers To A Good Time
by Vanacore Music playing ♪

- ♪ Woo! ♪

♪ Cheers to a good time,
cheers to a good time ♪

KHLOÉ:
It's the best day of your life, huh?

Two Tweaks.

We are celebrating True's fifth birthday.
True, you're gonna be five?

Right, Dream?

Miss True, what do you
wanna say to the camera?

Look at the c-- down the barrel.

What are they squealing about? What?!

Get outta here!

I know my life is crazy stressful,

but when it comes to my kids,
no matter what it is...

A real fishy.

...I know how to leave
everything at the door,

and I just immerse myself in kid land.

Don't fall in the pool.

- You know, it's my baby girl,
little Tutu's fifth birthday,

so it's, uh, exciting.

Um, bein' able to have
all the cousins here,

and, and it's my mom's birthday today,

so I think it's a good way
of, yeah, you know--

you know, I got my angel in heaven,
and I got my angel on Earth,

so we're celebrating both today.

So, it's a special day
for-for me and the family.

- That crazy Tweak!
KHLOÉ: Oh, look at Tweak's ears!

[True Thompson giggles]

- You know, it was Khloe's idea.

So, the fact that
she brought it up, said,

"Hey, ya know, for your mom's birthday,

"instead of it being,
like, h-- a heavy day,

"why don't we do it as, you know,

True's birthday party,
your mom's birthday?"

So, incorporate it in one,
so it means a lot.

MALIKA HAQQ:
Who's birthday is it? True!

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

KHLOÉ:
Thanks, Kourt. Thanks for coming.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN BARKER:
Of course, we wouldn't miss it.

- Hey, guys.
KHLOÉ/KYLIE JENNER: Hi!

- Happy birthday!
- Thank you!

I love my birthday.

KYLIE:
Yay!

KHLOÉ:
Storm, you've never looked better.

KRIS:
Where's Truezel?

This is so cute.

- Hi.
KOURTNEY: Love you.

I'm, like, so exhausted,
I can't even stand up.

- I love you.

- Oh, and you get
to pick your own stickers.

- Yeah.

KRIS:
Stop it.

KHLOÉ:
Hi.

A boom... Boom... Boom... Boom.

KRIS:
They have cotton candy.

They have cake.
- I'm on a no sugar.

- Oh, okay.
- So, I can't have either of those.

- Nope. Well, they have backpacks.

You can put your [chuckling] name
on one, no sugar added.

- There it goes.
In the center now.

- I like it in 'cause it's not as, like,

trying too hard.
- Ah. Trying too hard? Oh, okay.

KHLOÉ: Yeah.
- Well, that's good, yeah.

Just y-you're lined up.

Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Here we go, True.
Hold on tight!

[kids screaming]

KHLOÉ: I can't believe my girl is five,
and every year gets more and more special.

And I feel like we just
had her fourth birthday,

the kitty birthday, like, in a blink.

So, it's nuts how quickly time flies,

and I just wanna savor
every single moment with her.

She's my little angel,
and I just love her so, so much.

- Alright, can we give True
a ride [panting] for her birthday?

- You good?

You good?
- Yeah, I'm great.

- You cheer on True,
and then you get to go by yourself.

CICI BUSSEY:
Is he driving you crazy?

- I mean, yes and no.
- Or is it livable?

- It's liva-- I mean,
I've-I've survived this long.
- Good.

Yeah, yeah. I figured that.
[Khloé laughs]

[kids laughing]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

♪ singing in French ♪

- I am going to The Met
with Karl Lagerfeld's cat as my date,

and I'm so excited.

I need to somehow get
this hair outta my face.

Since I'm here on this soccer trip,

I figured it might be the perfect place
to come and meet Choupette.

Guys, is this cat gonna like me?

[crewmembers laugh]
CREWMEMBER: Are you nervous?

- I'm nervous. I [laughing] literally
feel like I'm going on a blind date.

Hi. How are you? Hi.
- Hi, I'm Lucas. I'm Choupette's agent.

- So nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.
- Thank you for coming here.

- Thank you. Welcome to Paris.
- Hi.

- Françoise.
- This is Françoise.

KIM: So nice to meet you.
- Enchanté. Thank you so much.

KIM: Thank you.

LUCAS BÉRULLIER: And the lady.
- Oh, my goodness!

[Françoise Caçote speaks French]
KIM: Hi, Choupette.

I did my first fashion shoot ever
when North was in my belly

with Karl Lagerfeld shooting it,
and we shot a few times after.

I mean, he's a legend.

And I get what an honor it is
to bring his baby, Choupette.

[softly] Oh, she wants to-- Hi, baby.

What a beautiful cat.

- Choupette.

[Choupette hisses]
- Oh, no, no.

Don't worry, she-she-she pretends.
She won't do anything to you.

[Kim laughs]
LUCAS: Chill, Choupette.

- Aw, it's okay.
I act like that sometimes, too.

I think Choupette is playing hard to get.

Maybe she just has to warm up, ya know?

She is... feisty, though.
LUCAS: Mm.

KIM: Choupette is really key
to my whole vibe for The Met this year.

So, if we don't vibe,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I just hope she warms up to me...
'cause this wouldn't be cute.

Please don't bite me.

[Choupette hisses]
- Ooh! [laughs]

[Lucas speaking]

- [whispers]
Choupette, can I touch you?

[Françoise Caçote giggles]

KIM:
Okay, we'll chill.

Hey, baby.
LUCAS: She won't bite, but she's--

[Choupette hisses]
- Ooh.

[Kim fake cries]
LUCAS: She's not, she's not mean.

She's--
- Okay. [laughs]

- But you'll be able to--
We'll, we'll try to held her,

and I think-- Yeah, I think--

- So, I'm getting a little bit nervous,

and I think I just fully wanna pivot.

There's so many factors
that I think could be negative,

especially with
the cameras and the people,

even if she's scared
from the cameras and not me.

[Choupette hisses]
[Kim squeals]

KIM:
I don't know if it's fair to Choupette.

So, I think I realized
really quickly that... Choupette,

we're not a match.

[Choupette growls]
[crewmembers reacting]

KIM:
So, I am not bringing her to The Met.

[Françoise speaks French]
[Choupette hisses]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

KRIS:
Look at the shark!

Did you guys see the shark?

KOURTNEY:
Oh, my gosh! That is so cool.

- It's a shark and a stingray.
KOURTNEY: Hi.

- Mom, can we pet it?
- No.

KRIS: Hi, guys. Hey, there's a,
there's a shark over here.

A real shark!

I'm like the shark's publicist.

PHOTOGRAPHER:
Beautiful. Love it.

- You look so cute today.

TRISTAN THOMPSON:
Papa. Say, "Thank you."

- Hi... Hi.
TRISTAN: Say, "Hi, Lovie."

KRIS: Ya gotta love
a great kid's birthday party,

and I am such a sucker
for a great party favor.

Happy birthday, True.
I love you.

[kisses]

- Da, da, da, da, da.
KRIS: So delicious.

- I think

it's probably really confusing to people

because Tristan and I get along so well,

but I think other people... want more,

and I just--
I know where I'm comfortable,

and I'm comfortable
with where it's at right now,

which is... a modern family.

It's really [bleep] weird.

It's weird. [laughs]

- Daddy of the Year.

Daddy. Best Father.
- Appreciate it. Yes.

- Best Father Award.
- [laughs] I try. I try, man.

- In the house,
all the energy you bring to the house...

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- ...and then all the positivity,

and then with the kids,
and then everything that's goin' on.

And now it's a whole,
it's, like, your house finished,

and then it's, like,
Khloé gon' be crying.

- Yeah.
- [laughs] All the energy.

TRISTAN: I'm two steps away,
so I-I can always come back.

I always come back.
[laughs]

- So, it's like that's good for everybody.

- Yeah.
- The kids and everything, you know.

- If Papa's at the house,
the house is whole, right, Papa?

Right, Papa?
[Corey Gamble laughs]

TRISTAN: Gotta keep it goin',
keep the good times goin'.

- Do you guys want coffee?
- I don't drink coffee.

- You just don't drink sugar.
- I'm actually--

- You don't drink coffee.
- No caffeine.

- You don't drink soy.

- I'm caffeine-free right now,
soy-free, sugar-free.

What else? Gluten-free.
- Wow.

- Free of everything, babe.
- Wow.

- Alcohol-free.

[kids laughing]
- You guys look so cute.

KHLOÉ:
True, it's Tweak slime!

Tristan is moving out this week,
and it is bittersweet.

Like, my biggest fear,
initially, is about True.

Tatum's too young to know what's going on.

But True, is this gonna [bleep] her up,

that she's--
Basically, to her memory,

has never remembered
her dad living with her.

And now all of a sudden, he's living
with her and puts her to bed every night.

And she has this great relationship
that I don't want to do anything

that's gonna be damaging to her.

I guess it's destined that the parent's
gonna screw up their kid at some point,

but I wanna try to avoid screwing up
my daughter as long as possible.

TRISTAN:
Let's go, Tutu!

KHLOÉ: Oh, wait, what?!
What?! Jack, wait--

[kids yelling]
KHLOÉ: Excuse me!

How can you guys start without the mom?!

There's just been a lotta sadness
with losing Tristan's mom, Andrea,

and trying to acclimate Amari
into just a new life, essentially.

It's been a lot.

[all cheering]
- Yeah, yeah!

Kick its butt!

♪ soft music playing ♪
Yeah! Go True!

Today, having it be such
a joyous day, it's been magical.

Oh, my gosh!

And where you're just not thinking
about anything that's too heavy

'cause we're
at a five-year-old's birthday party.

Okay.

One, two, three.

ALL [singing]:
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- ♪ We're ready for the climb ♪

♪ We've come too far to change our minds ♪

KHLOÉ: Yay!

I've loved every bit of today.

The happiness, and the balloons,
and everything just makes you happy.

So, I don't know,
maybe I threw this party for myself,

but I needed it.

Whatever it is, I needed it.

♪

Yay!
[all cheering]

♪

♪ Bonne Nouvelle
by Flavia Coelho playing ♪

♪ singing in French ♪

- Wow, look how cool the stadium is.

- Saint, you wanna change
or you wanna wear this?

- No, I wanna get, I wanna get
the new jersey and kicks.

- We are here
at the Paris Saint-Germain field.

ALLISON:
Let's take a quick picture right here.

KIM:
All their favorite players play here.

Just such an amazing experience.
This is, like, a dream come true.

Okay, at the count of three,
name your favorite player.

One, two, three.

KIDS: Mbappé!
[laughter]

KIM:
Guys, look at how cool this is.

We are on the pitch... in Paris
at the PSG game. This is crazy.

KIDS: Mbappé!
KIM: S-Saint is, like, freaking out.

We're the ultimate soccer moms, guys.

Seeing the players run out,

and the boys, like,
light up screaming their names,

and all the fans are going crazy,
and screaming for all the players.

Like, it's such a fun experience
that they're here on the field.

They get to see this all.

Say, "Messi."
KIDS: Messi!

- They're freaking out.

- We'll show you to the suite.
KIM: Sure.

Suite! Look at those big marshmallows!

Guys, guys, we-we can control ourselves.

Guys, we--
SAINT: Neymar!

- [gasps]
Look-it, Neymar Jr. jerseys!

ALLISON:
Whoa!

- Guys, we're living it up in Paris!
ALLISON: Oh my God!

[announcer speaking French on PA]

- I don't know what they're saying,
but I heard him say Mbappé.

ANNOUNCER:
Mbappé again. Left foot this time.

Likes to cut back to his right.

- Why? Hi.
KENDALL: 'Cause I was so late.

- Hi.
- Hey.

I'm in Paris 'cause I am
working with a new brand.

I'm working with L'Oréal,

and I'm here to do
our first round of big shoots.

I have four full days with them.

- We're gonna go meet
the players after the game.

KENDALL:
Cute, Messi?

Kim happened to be
in Paris at the same time

taking all her kids to a soccer game.

So, I rushed out of a fitting,
and I'm here.

[crowd cheering]

ANNOUNCER:
Dropped in for Messi brilliantly.

Cuts back to his left
and tries to sneak in.

KIDS [chanting]:
Messi, Messi!

- You wanna sit here, Saint,
and I'll sit over there?

Saint, you wanna sit here?

Okay, I'll scoot over one.
KENDALL: Okay.

- So, Saint, you can get to know
your Auntie Kendall better.

[Kendall laughs]

ANNOUNCER:
Quickly to Mbappé... 94th minute.

Messi in the middle.
Cannon shot!

[Kim cheers]

ANNOUNCER:
And there the whistle from Willy Delajod.

- One, two, three, and a four.

- Oh. [laughs] Hi! How are you?

Neymar is out sick with surgery,
but still FaceTimed my kids.

So nice.

KID:
Bye, Neymar!

- Soccer moms, we did it.
- Soccer moms, we did it.

[all cheer]

KIM: We'll do it the same time next year.

ALLISON: But only if you guys behave.

- You guys are gonna have
to be really good.

Make really good grades.

- What do you say to Kim for organizing?
- Yeah, what do we say to Auntie Kimmy?

- You know, Saint, he has, like,
his soccer league that he's in,

but he's never scored a goal.

First game back,
scored three goals in the first game.

I feel like he was so inspired.

That's, like, a little win
when we got home.

I was so proud of him.

[Kim yelling]

♪ Feet Are On The Ground
by Vanacore Music playing ♪

- ♪ Feet are on the ground ♪

♪ rock music playing ♪

PHOTOGRAPHER:
Go ahead and point it toward the camera.

Cute. Then whip your hair
and go back around.

Good. Cute. Look back.
- I don't know if this hair whips.

[group laughs]
PHOTOGRAPHER: Cute.

Someone tell me we caught that on video,
the whole little runway in the kitchen.

- Oh, yeah. Well, Hulu video.
[laughter]

- Where are the cheerleaders at?
GROUP: Woo!

KOURTNEY:
Hype me up a little.

- And then open up to me a little bit.
Gorg. Love! Look back.

♪

Cute.
- Oh, my God, that's so cute.

Yay, first shot over.

- Yay.
[group cheers]

- Lemme is growing.

We are coming up
with new products all the time.

We are making my world-famous smoothie,

but we are using some
Lemme Sea, our Irish sea moss.

With the new products, like,
we're constantly doing content.

So, I put one cup of coconut water,
a cup of blueberries.

This is really good content here.
[group laughs]

- And then I have
a very specific blending technique,

and I start slow.

[blender whirring]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

[blender speed increases]

[blender speed decreases]

- 'Kay, so I go, like, slow to high,

really high, and then back down

'til it's back to really slow.

And that's a masterpiece.

- Yes.

- Phil is taking notes.
SIMON HUCK: Yeah, Phil, how are you doing?

This is a day in the Lemme office.
KOURTNEY: Phil is-- Yes.

- You learn something new every day.
- Definitely taking notes.

SIMON: A whole look today.
KOURTNEY: A whole look.

- This is so cute, yes.
KOURTNEY: Am I sitting here?

SIMON:
You're sitting here. I love this.

KOURTNEY: Thanks.
SIMON: And I love those shoes.

KOURTNEY: They were actually part
of my Halloween costume one year.

[laughter]
SIMON: No, it looks so good.

CREWMEMBER:
I'm the same way, too.

SIMON: No, 'cause there's days
we come, we feel more pajama,

we feel more, like, chill...
KOURTNEY: Yeah.

- ...and then there's days--
- Sweats.

SIMON:
Yes.

- So, if the comment's on there,
am I reading the comment?

- Yeah.

But they'll just see it, too.

KOURTNEY:
Okay.

- Yeah.

Shout out to all the haters.

You guys, I'm, like, ready to fall asleep.
SIMON: Oh.

LIZ MULLER: But no caffeine.
- Can we give you a matcha?

Oh, no, 'cause no caffeine.
KOURTNEY: I'm not allowed.

- Oh, my God.
[laughter]

We have a little more.
- I'm on the craziest thing of no--

- The caffeine would
kill me, though, without it.

LIZ: Same.

- I'm on so much caffeine
right now just to be here.

You ready for us?
PRODUCER: Yeah.

- Um... what are these comments?
"Just girl, bye."

[laughter]

- Now we have to use that.
[laughter]

- "Can the Kardashians just retire?"

That would be nice.

Um... "A Kardashian wearing
an Agnostic Front shirt.

Really, does she even know who they are?"

Absolutely not.
It is a shirt from my husband's closet.

"She never eats them on camera."

- And we brought you a spit cup.
- Um, and I bought you a spit cup.

- Okay.

[indistinct chatter]

[group laughs]

- Perfect, perfect. So good.
- That's so good.

- Cute.

I think, like, silly criticism
doesn't bother me.

I think when people get
really extreme and hateful,

and are, like, so intense about it,
it's a little jarring, I think.

But silly criticism is... just funny.

- Have you decided what
you're doing for your birthday yet?

- No. Like, we thought
we were gonna be in New York

for Saturday Night Live.
- Oh, and you're not.

- But we're not because of his finger.

- I can't believe the pictures.
- I know.

We'll be on tour for our anniversary.

- I know, I keep forgetting about this

crazy world tour you're going on.
- I know.

Travis has his Blink-182 tour coming up.

I am definitely going to

as many shows as possible.

[yawns] I'm tired thinking
about it with no caffeine.

- Oh, no, you need caffeine.
You can't have a little,

you can't have a little hit?
- I need caffeine on the tour.

- And just for every day.

[yawns]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

♪

- ♪ What time? ♪

- Hello.
KRIS: Hi, how are you?

This is like livin' the life of luxury
at five o'clock in the morning.

- So hungry.
[Kris laughs]

- Scott's having an epidural today
because I reached out to Dr. Snibbe,

and he put us in touch with Dr. Jang
who's going to do the epidural.

Is anybody perkier at five a.m. than me?

Huh, huh? [laughs]
- But you get up at five,
or four, or three.

- So, this is Dr. Snibbe's recommendation,

the guy who did my hip.
- The Snibbster, yeah.

Snibs you right up.
- Yeah.

Well, you're not getting,
like, a vasectomy or anything.

- No.
- Wait, have you had a vasectomy?

- Yeah.
- You did?

- Uh-huh.
- Forgot.

- That's why I [bleep]
all these random girls.

- Scott!
- I'm just kidding,

I don't have one.
- Oh, my God, it's so early.

- I was too scared, just in case if,

later down the road, maybe,
I wanna have more kids or somethin'.

- Are we here? This is it?

DRIVER: Yeah.
- Okay, great.

[elevator dings]

- Oh, my God. I have PTSD.
- Is this where she had her hip done?

- This is where I had my hip surgery.

- Okay.
- PTSD.

- She has PTSD.

- I'm gonna need to be put to sleep again.
- This is not about you.

- Oh, sorry, it's about Scott. Never mind.

Now listen, I have
an announcement to make, ladies.

This one gets a little kooky
after he wakes up from anesthesia.

We apologize in advance.

You know, Scott doesn't have
much of a filter without anesthesia.

It's not pretty.
And he's just a little wild, you know?

He'll regret-- I'm, I'm dead serious.

Some people might take that the wrong way.

And in today's day and age,
you don't wanna take any chances.

Just behave yourself.

- But if any of you guys are up for it...
- Stop!

- ...that would be--
- No!

We're gonna get sued.
- Just take care of me.

KRIS:
Are you ready?

- You're gonna cut my penis off?
[Kris laughs]

- Then you're gonna have
to get a bigger tool than that.

- [mouths] What?
NURSE: Just take off your shirt
and put on the gown.

- Where can I put the rat?

[phone ringing]
- It's Keeks.

NURSE:
Quick temp for you.

KIM [over phone]: You're gonna be great.
- Hi.

KIM: Oh, hi, Mom!
- Hi, sweetie.

We're do-- We need to,
we need to get his IV in.

KIM: Okay, I just wanted to make sure
you weren't there by yourself.

Okay, love you.
SCOTT: Thank you, love you.

- Love you.

- She was talking to me.
- Oh.

Do you do the IV?
NURSE: Yeah, yeah.

- I love Scott so much,
and I would do anything for him,

and he's like my son,

so... he's not gonna be
showing up at something like this

and be by himself.
SCOTT: Kris, I'm going.

- What? Oh, honey, I love you.

SCOTT: Ta-ta.
KRIS: Okay, you're gonna be great.

Okay? [kisses]
- Whoa,

you can really bend over
well with that new hip.

Oh, my God, look at you.
- Yes! [laughs]

- The Snibbster.
- Snibbster.

SCOTT: Bye!
- Bye, you're gonna be great.

Love you.
SCOTT: Love you.

KRIS: Enjoy the nap.
SCOTT: Okay.

KRIS: I know Scott's in good hands,
and I have a busy day.

I've got things to do so I'm out,
but I know he's in a safe place.

Alright.

Who's gonna watch him when he wakes up?
[laughs]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

[machines beeping]

- Hey, Scott, who's picking you up today?

♪ music warps, stops ♪

- I th-- I thought Kris was,
but I guess she left.

NURSE:
Yeah, she had to go to the office.

I'm just wondering.
- You wanna drive me home?

NURSE:
I'm sorry, I have to stay at work.

SCOTT:
It's that goddamn new hip.

She was runnin' around
like Sonic the Hedgehog.

[phone ringing]
- Can't believe she left me.

[machines beeping]

KRIS [over phone]:
Are you done?

- You left me?
[Kris laughs]

- I love Scott so much,
and I would do anything for him.

SCOTT: Maybe I'll see you over
one of the holidays this year.

[Kris laughs]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

♪

- Hey, how you feelin'?
How's your back?

- It feels okay.

And I'm gonna rest today,
I think, and just, like, ice, chill.

Your mom was thinkin' about me.

- How did it go?
- She came with me.

- She did?
- The procedure was 15 minutes.

I woke up, she wasn't there.
[Kendall laughs]

- That was nice.
"I love you, I love you.

I gotta get going."

You wake up anesthesia,
and you hope that your, like,

mom is standing there--
- Yeah, you could see a familiar face.

- She's like,
"I actually think I've got a meeting."

"Honey, I love you. You're gonna do great.
I've got to get running."

It's five in the morning.
Where are you going?

No one's even up.
I'm, like, at five?

- She's insane, seriously.
- Like, what are you doing?

- But by the way, it's-- She doesn't--
Don't take it personal.

She would do it to me, too.
- No, I would never do it to--

I was surprised she came for the ride.
[Kendall laughs]

- I was excited enough for that.
Like, she didn't even have to walk in.

- Ugh, it's always, "I gotta go film."

That's her best it seems.
- It's e--

Uh, "I cannot talk.
KENDALL: "I have a meeting."

- We're filming right now."
- Yeah. [laughs]

She loves that excuse.
- "Hi, honey.

"I know I haven't
talked to you in a long time.

We're actually filming right now,
so I cannot talk."

Every time I'm like, "Reality show!"
- Yeah.

- "Reality show, you're allowed
to pick up your phone."

- Yeah.
- "You're allowed to talk.

It's part of the show. Keep on talkin'."

- I loved the conversation
Scott and I had the other day,

and I know he's been feeling
a little anxiety lately, as have I.

So, I wanted to set up
a little sound bath for us.

I thoroughly enjoy them.

I find them very helpful, um, just
to kinda chill me out, calm me down.

♪ mellow music playing ♪

Hoo, it's cold.
- Oh, wow, what a setup.

KENDALL:
A sound bath is

a session where you lie down
and close your eyes,

and someone comes
and plays crystal singing bowls for you,

and it's very soothing and meditative.

[Scott grunts, mutters]
- [laughs] Oh, dear, are you okay?

SCOTT:
Yeah, no, my back.

INSTRUCTOR:
What I do is invite you to set...

[Scott coughs]
- ...an intention personally,

silently to yourself, but--
- It's a new moon tonight?

- Yeah.
KENDALL: Or something, right?

- Shit, it is?
KENDALL: Yeah.

- Oh, God, I gotta cancel my date.
[laughter]

- What I encourage you to do is,

you know how you can feel
like a subwoofer in your body?

You can just, like, act--
- Huh?

- You know when you're listening to music?

Like, bass. Yeah.
- In your stomach?

- Yeah, you, like, feel it
in your body when it's loud.

- I don't know, maybe.
- Like, if you're in the club.

- Or, like, in your car,

turn it up.
- I don't actually listen
to music in my car.

I try to have that time
for myself, which is weird.

INSTRUCTOR:
M'kay. Alright, well, imagine that you've

felt the bass in your body.
- I just don't get it.

I'm sorry, I wanna get it.
- [laughs] Okay.

INSTRUCTOR: Okay, I-I--
- I wanna feel the boom.

INSTRUCTOR: I know what we're gonna do.
- Here comes the boom.

- I-- Can I, can I--
This is a tuning fork.

- Of course.
INSTRUCTOR: Kendall loves these.

- Yep.
INSTRUCTOR: You'll feel some bass.

- Here comes the boom.
[instructor laughs]

INSTRUCTOR:
Imagine that, um, the sound waves are like

little massage therapists' hands,
and you can, like, hear them.

- Like, how little? Like a child?
INSTRUCTOR: As little as you want.

- Like a child's hands?
KENDALL: Scott!

- What?
- Pointless questions.

- What do you mean?
She said a little massage

by a little person.
I don't know how little.

Oh. Uh-huh. That's cool.
- Does that feel okay?

Mm-hmm.
- That's a lotta--

- So, now you can feel it, like, in

your body, right?
- Yeah.

- I'm gonna, I'm gonna get
two spots behind your head.

SCOTT: Okay.
- Where the vagus nerve comes close to

the surface.
- Vagus, baby.

KENDALL:
Scott will not shut up.

He can't sit still,
and I can't say that I'm shocked.

[twinkling sounds]
- Sounds like Tinker Bell arrived.

KENDALL: But there's, like,
the sounds affect your brain

in a certain way that
literally, like... calms you down.

[gong tone vibrates]

- Here comes the boom.
I can feel it.

INSTRUCTOR:
So, the gong can get pretty loud.

So, if it starts
to stress you out at all...

- No, I like it.
- ...takes some nice deep breaths.

Okay, good.

[gong hums]

[ambient nature sounds]

- Feel free to lay there
as long as you need to.

No rush getting up whatsoever.

[Scott snoring]

- I may never do
a sound bath with Scott again.

No offense to him, but I would love
if he continued to do 'em on his own.

But I-I prefer a sound bath by myself.

- Feel like a new man.

I felt the boom.

♪ twinkling music plays ♪

♪ Not Yours Anymore
by Pete + Sara playing ♪

♪

- Hi.
- Hello, lovie. Did you do this for me?

[earrings clink]
[Malika laughs]

- Now we're attached.

It came right out.
- Ooh.

- ♪ I'm not yours anymore ♪

♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- I'm so hungry.
I haven't eaten yet today.

[bleep] hate everyone.
- Mm.

- Just when your day doesn't go right,
I want to [bleep]--

- You wanna shut
the whole thing down, I get it.

- What is special about mine
and Malika's relationship is

she gives it to me straight,
and she'll tell me how she feels,

and-- but it's always said with love.

MALIKA: Ooh, thank you.
- Thank you.

- Are you like this every day?

- Like what every day? This?

- Yeah.
- This is, like, the calmest

I've ever been. [laughs]
- Oh, dear.

- No, am I like what every day?

- Do you not have any joy?

- Yeah, when I see my kids.

- Tristan, is he still with you?
- No, he, um--

Thank you so much.
He has moved into his home.

Tristan has officially now moved out,

and he is at his home
a block away from mine. [laughs]

Tristan just, like, walks over

to do carpool
in the morning with the kids.

Like, he's still very much there.

And me and Tristan never shared
a bedroom or anything like that,

so it's sort of the same thing,
but he's at a different house.

Once the kids are asleep,
he goes to his house,

and I stay at mine.

- He didn't wanna go?

- No, I don't think he wanted to go,
but his house flooded.

His mom just passed away.

When all of that happened,
obviously, I was like, [sighs]

"Okay... we got this."

MALIKA: Yeah.
- Like, you move in here,

and then it just kept taking

longer and longer,
how long they were there for,

which is fine and I'm--

It was so good for him and True,
so good for him and Tatum, all of that.

- Yeah.
- It was interesting for him and I

because, prior to that,
Tristan and I were barely talking.

And then I was just thinking,
how do I get--

Like, how do we go back to normal now?

- I would really like for us
to do something fun together.

I think we should go to HomeGoods.
I think we should go to Target.

I think we should go to the Four Seasons,
have lunch, and get a massage.

Then I think we should go out.

You need to do a little bit more for you.

You were, like, the life of the party.
- I know.

I'm still the life of the party.

- What party?
- When I'm--

- What party? What party do you go to?
- Well, when I go--

- You have to go to a party.
- When I go somewhere.

- One day you have to get back out there.

- And I will. I just--

Right now, I'm so [bleep]
overwhelmed with just life.

- Ya have to practice the thing
you want to become, eventually.

After a while you start to go,
"You know what?

"I can do all of these things

"and still do some things
that make Khloé smile,

"and give me something else
to talk about outside of my kids,

"and Tristan, and Amari,
and tragedy, and all the--"

Like, you gotta give
yourself somethin' else.

- I really appreciate how much
people want me to get out, and socialize,

and leave my house.

I know it makes me
sound like a crazy person,

but that's not what
is best for me right now.

Like, where am I even going?

What do you guys want me to do?

What's out there?

I don't think anything that great.
[laughs] Not right now.

My mom called me over... to her house.

And she-- we were just chatting
about a bunch of things,

and she was like, "You know, I just--
Don't get mad. I just wanna talk to you."

And, and I typically know
that means it's about, like,

either why am I, like, such a recluse
or, like, my romantic life.

- That's interesting that people
keep saying that to you.

- Yeah.
- It's interesting.

- I mean, I love my mom
for so many reasons,

but one of the main things
that it's so beautiful about her

is how forgiving she is,
and how a lot of us are in my family...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...but her, specifically.

'Cause being a mom,

if someone did
what Tristan did to my daughter,

I would... probably castrate them...

- For sure.
- ...and smile doing it.

♪ pensive music playing ♪

KHLOÉ:
What happened between me and Tristan,

I've been cheated on by many people.

I've dealt with it. I got it.

This other situation
was the most wild thing.

- Yeah.
- And it's not only finding out

that he had someone else pregnant,

but while I secretly had
my own surrogate pregnant.

Never in a million years
would I have been blind--

like, would've thought that.

Cut to-- That's--
Then this whole year goes by,

my son's not even one yet,

and look how much has changed.

I wasn't speaking-- I didn't speak
to Tristan at all for six months,

not even about the kids.

But, like, and now look, now we're
back to being really good friends.

Ooh.

Like, I wanna date someone.
Not now. I'm exhausted.

What do they say?

"To get over somebody,
you have to get under somebody else."

Like, I'm sure that's,
obviously, a really easy route,

and you're definitely distracting yourself

as to what... you need healing from.

Someone's form of healing
is not my form of healing.

And that's not right or wrong,

but I just need to do
what speaks to my soul.

And if I felt like going out,
if I felt like dating,

and if I was open to that
right now, I would do it.

There's nothing holding me back.

I just genuinely don't have
these feelings right now.

But I wanna date people, I think,
and, like, see what's out there.

I want to feel

proud, like, when I go into a room

and I'm with my man, and I'm not--
- Yeah.

- I don't think everyone's laughing at me

for being a weak bitch
for staying with someone.

- You are the furthest from a weak woman.

It takes a very strong
woman to forgive people.

- Thank you.
- It takes a very strong woman

to be hurt multiple times
by the same person

and still smile in their face.

There's nothing weak about that.
I don't care what anybody says.

- In an ideal world, I wish I was married,

and that, you know,
we had our family together.

Like, that's what everyone wants.

But I am not attracted to Trist--

Like, I'm not, like--
- Wow.

That's a big say.

You're still attracted to him, right?
- Yeah, no, no, no.

I know he's a very handsome--
No, no, Tristan is so handsome.

He's a-- like a beautiful...

- Creature. [laughs]
- ...statue of a human.

Like, I'm not, like, blind,

but I can't think about, like,
kissing him on the lips.

Like, none of that would--
It's just not in my wheelhouse.

MALIKA: Okay.

Maybe think about it this way.

Maybe you might wanna
try to save your family.

Maybe you might wanna...

- But I have.
- ...give this a shot despite--

- I've tried to save
my family a couple times,

and you wanna make God laugh,
tell him your plans.

Guess what, buddy?

I got no more plans.
- That's right.

- 'Kay? Stop laughing.
- [laughs] Have it your way.

- Stop laughin' at me.
I just want,

like, my life a little bit.
- So, it's not never.

- Well, I don't, I don't know.
I don't... I don't,

I don't know what it is.
It's definitely not now.

[sighs]

KIM:
Next on The Kardashians...

- Ladies! You ready to go on an adventure?

[neighing]

Do you wanna give
the horses some cookies?

- Yeah, I don't wanna do it.

KRIS: Let me take a photo.
Wait, Truezel, Truezel,

stand next to Stormi.

Is that your mom?
- Lovie.

- Are you okay?
KRIS: They're fine.

She totally hijacks
my date with my grandkids.

- So, I decided I'm gonna do
a TV show called American Horror Story.

I know I have to slow down, but I can't.

I'm about to go to Pelican Bay
and visit a prison there.

- No one comes here.
Definitely not a Kardashian.

- My last year incarcerated,

they spent over $100,000
and keep me in a cage.

How much therapy could you provide
to stop them from goin' to prison?

- This is what I wanna teach our boys.

- Mom, you [bleep] up big time with me.

- I did not [bleep] up big time.
- I will--

There's issues that I have
with my manager, not my mom.

- Khloé.
- Who cares about my wound?

- Okay, I get the point.

- I'm never [bleep] heard,
and she likes to patronize me.

- No, you misunderstood, okay?
'Cause you're just somewhere else.

You're spiraling.

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

♪ singing in native language ♪

♪

♪

- Oh, what I could do
to a piñata is... oof.

I'll probably go to jail.
Beat the shit outta that piñata.

I don't know if we're teaching good
things, though, with the piñata thing.

When a kid is beating the shit out
of a... bunny with a baseball bat,

and then you're being rewarded for

decapitating a poor little animal.

[laughs] Yeah, it bleeds candy.

[bell tolls]