All language subtitles for Saturday.Night.Live.S16E19.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-M29_4_text

[Announcer:]
And now, a message

from the president
of the United States.

Good evening, you know
a week ago tonight,

I experienced what my doctors
call atrial fibrillation.

That heart there going fast,
too fast. It’s fast.

[audience laughing]

I scared some people but now
that heartbeat, normal, normal,

right down there, in that whole
normal area down there,

being monitored at all times.

You see, doctors have implanted
a tiny cardio device

in the chest area, down in this
whole thing over here,

and as you can see,
heart beat’s steady,

let me just turn up
that volume there.

Here we go.

You can hear that, hear that.
Now, what you’re hearing

this very moment is the actual
beating of my heart.

[beeping]

Kind of odd, ain’t it?

Kind of gives you the creeps,

a little icky.

[audience laughing]

Now, let me show you how
this thing works here.

Mitzie Gaynor.

[faster beeping]

[audience laughing]

There, don’t be alarmed,

that’s a normal elevation for
a healthy heterosexual male

of my generation.

Let’s bring it down again,
let’s try it again now.

Ready?

Bar in a black satin patty.

[faster beeping]

Bring her down, bring her down.

As you can see, the regular
heart beat is all gone.

Turns out, it was caused by,
turn that down there,

turns out it was caused by
something called Grave’s
Disease.

That’s a rare thyroid ailment
that Bar also suffers from.

As scary name, Grave’s Disease,
kind of scary

but not really that bad,

the principal symptom,
bulging eyes.

That’s why Bar,
I always look surprised.

[audience laughing]

There’s nothing more arousing
than those bulging eyes

and that teddy coming at you
after a hard day

of framing the new world order.

[audience laughing]

So as you see, just Grave’s
disease, unpleasant, sure,

inconvenient, you bet
but not debilitating.

No, sir, fact is, many of our
presidents suffered from

medical conditions and ailments
far more serious than mine.

For example, Andrew Jackson,
president there, old hickory,

face on that $20.00 bill,
fine president,

suffered from diverticulitis,
could not digest nuts.

[audience laughing]

Didn’t know that, did you?

James Madison, framer of
the constitution, rickets.

Zachary Taylor had
Elephant Man’s Disease,

used to roam the White
House at night screaming,

"I am not an animal."

[audience laughing]

President James Buchanan
down there, rabies.

[audience laughing]

Robert Cleveland had lice.

[audience laughing]

That first term,
second term, ringworm.

Not a clean man.

[audience laughing]

In our own century,
President John F. Kennedy,

the clap.

[audience laughing]

Five times.

[audience laughing]

And finally,
my own predecessor,

Ronald Reagan has fought
a lifelong battle

against crippling Epstein Bar
or chronic fatigue syndrome.

That’s just the tip
of the iceberg there,

a little Grave’s disease
doesn’t sound so bad.

Fact is, I’m probably
the fittest and most physically
active man

to ever hold his office.

Fact, I’d like
to give you a little...

A little demonstration here.

As you can see, I got my Nikes.

[audience laughing]

Just do it.

[audience laughing]

Get up here, turn that
old thread mill thing on,

get her started.

A little demonstration here,

you start slow, you don’t
want to start of too fast,

wouldn’t be prudent.

[audience laughing]

A little faster, keep that
stride nice and economical,

faster still...

breathing coming up, faster,

legs churning at a pace
close to Roger Banister’s.

Does this look like
a man about to die?

Doubt it, still going
faster, don’t worry,

this is perfectly,
perfectly normal.

Don’t worry, no problem
for me, not going to die,

not going to die, going to
be live from New York,

it’s Saturday Night!

[cheers and music]

[Announcer]:
It’s Saturday Night Live,

with Dana Carby,

Phil Hartman,

Jan Hook,

Victoria Jackson,

Dennis Miller,

Mike Myers

and Kevin Nealon,

with Chris Farley,

Tim Meadows,

Chris Rock,

Julia Sweeney,

and featuring Al Franken,

Adam Sandler,

GE Smith and the Saturday
Night Live band,

musical guest, Chris Isaak

and Silver Tone,

and starring Delta Burke.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Delta Burke.

[audience cheering]

Thank you, thank you,
thank you very much.

Thank you.

It’s so wonderful to be here in
New York hosting Saturday night
live.

I’ll admit I was a little bit
nervous when I got here on
Monday.

I mean, I thought I would
be prepared, you know,

I’ve done a lot of television,

I’ve been on Designer Women for
five seasons and... Thank you.

[audience applauding]

And I even competed in a Miss
America pageant as Miss Florida.

But, nothing can prepare
you for this experience.

It is something
I’ll never forget.

[music]

I have made so many
wonderful friends here.

I’ve just made so many friends,
friendships I know will last
a lifetime,

and my week here at Saturday
Night Live has just been

a whirlwind of activity.

And I want to remember
every bit of it,

but I just wouldn’t know
where to begin.

Well, delta, your magical week
as host of Saturday Night Live

began here at the writers
meeting on Monday, where Delta

explained her ideas to a team of
professional writers.

Then it was off the studio 8H
for some grueling rehearsal.

And then it was time to relax.
Like all of our hosts,

Delta was escorted to the NBC
gift shop by producer Jim
Downey

where she was allowed to
select any item under $15.00.

But shopping was cut short as
our host is whisked away

to an appointment for hair by
Don and makeup by Merle Norman.

But the week had its serious
side as our host took time

to offer encouragement to
a group of Kurdish refugees.

[Delta’s voice:]
Sometimes, in all
the excitement,

you forget those less fortunate
than you but when you meet
them,

you can just tell
that they’re thinking,

"How do I get to be
this person?"

And you know,
that gives them hope.

Selecting shoes was fun and
it was even better when enjoyed

with a beverage from
the Coca Cola Company.

Finally, the week was capped
with the extensive personal
interview

with executive producer
Lorne Michaels.

Now, tell me, Delta, why do you
think you can host the show?

Well, I feel that I should host
the show because my hosting,

I would be able to bring to
the show many of the qualities

that would make me a good
host and in so doing,

I would show others
that in America,

you can achieve your goals
because I’m an Ameri-can,

not an Ameri-can’t.

[audience laughing]

Thank you, Delta,
I’m very impressed.

[Male voice:]
Yes, it was a fabulous week.

A fantasy come true for our
Saturday Night Cinderella.

[audience cheering]

A week of excitement that Delta
will never forget,

but it’s not over yet, Jan?

Thank you, Phil.

You know, there was a good
feeling here tonight.

I think that Delta has
really won the crowd over.

He certainly made a lot of
points with her interview,

and you know, I want to add
something here that everyone
who hosts is a winner,

that just getting here,
makes them a winner,

and this week, Delta is our host
and we’re also happy for her.

Let’s rejoin her now, let’s.

[audience applauding]

Thank you, I just want
to say that as your host,

I will try to make you proud
and if I can touch your lives,

even for a moment,
it’s worth it.

We have a great show tonight,
Chris Isaak is with us

and we’ll be right back.

[audience cheering]

When I started back to work,
there weren’t enough hours
in the day.

- Mommy
- Hi, sweetie.

Seems like my whole life was
divided between my job
and my family.

I was exhausted and ran down so
I asked my doctor what to do

and he recommended this.

Balz-Off.

Hi honey, I got off work early
so I came straight home and fix
dinner.

Well, don’t get up,
just relax.

Nonprescription Balz-Off
is safe, gentle to the stomach

and it works.

- Here you go.
- Why, thank you, honey.

Can I get you anything else?

[phone rings]

- You can get the phone.
- Sure, I’d love to.

Balz-Off’s time-release formula
last a full 24 hours.

Two Balz-Off tablets with
breakfast and he’s home all
evening

and glad to be there.

- It’s your mother.
- I don’t want to talk to her.

She’s busy.

Oh, no problem, I would love
to take you to the florist.

It’s easy to use and effective.

Here’s how Balz-Off works.

Hormonal signals build up
here in the freedom center.

These signals are sent to
the brain, where they cause

pressure and confusion.

Balz-Off effectively
blocks these signals

eliminating problem behavior
before it reaches the brain.

- Dinner’s on a table
- Thanks.

Hey, isn’t tonight
your poker night.

Yeah, that’s just an excuse
to drink beer,

smoke big smelly cigars
and talk about women.

I don’t think I need that.

I am so proud of you.

Nonprescription Balz-Off.

In regular
and new Italian strength.

[audience applauding]

[Announcer:]
And now, Deep Thoughts
by Jack Handey.

He was a cowboy, mister,
and he loved the land.

He loved it so much,
he made a woman out of dirt

and married her.

But when he kissed her,
she disintegrated.

Later, at the funeral,
when the preacher said,

"Dust to dust,"
some people laughed,

and the cowboy shot them.

At his hanging,
he told the others,

"I’ll be waiting for you
in heaven, with a gun."

[audience applauding]

[Announcer:]
And now weekend update with
anchorperson Dennis Miller.

[audience cheering]

Thank you,
send me a free pass.

Hey, good evening,
what can I tell you?

Here, we see
an electrocardiogram

of President Bush’s
fibrillating heart.

This is the tape that’s
causing all America to worry.

Really, when you’d rather have
this than Dan Quayle’s
brainwave chart.

[audience applauding]

I don’t think that’s
straight enough.

[audience laughing]

President Bush has kept in shape
by running,

among other sports but most of
our presidents have worked out

one way or another.

Ronald Reagan chopped
wood at his ranch.

Jimmy Carter jog to keep fit.

Gerald Ford played golf.

Richard Nixon bowled
a few games every day.

Lyndon Johnson,
Texan, rode a horse.

And Eisenhower played
a good game of golf.

We skipped one, we didn’t have
an actual picture

of Jack Kennedy,
who worked out inside.

[audience laughing]

It was reported this week that
John Sinunu used an Air Force
jet

to fly Motley Crue around on
their Party With The Devil Tour.

When questioned about
this, Sinunu said, "Hey,

they just put out an album,
they had to follow it up
with a tour."

[audience laughing]

So, I guess Sinunu owes
all of us an IOU nunu.

[audience laughing]

You know, I got so caught up
in Madonna’s career last week

that I forgot to eat
or clean myself.

[audience laughing]

Former U.S. senator Paul Sangas

didn’t do his presidential
hopes any good this week

when he mocked potential
voters during a lower
Massachusetts speech,

taunting them to pick out
which hand had the Nerf ball
in it.

[audience laughing]

A smirking British prime
minister, John Major,

delivered a lethal karate chop
to polish president elect Lech
Walesa’s windpipe this week,

staggering Walesa for a few
moments before he recovered

and begged Major
not to do it again.

Last week, Al Sharpton
turned up in London,

protesting civil
rights abuses there.

Sharpton angered locals by
flaunting his natural outside
Buckingham palace.

[audience applauding]

NBC News continues to receive
flak for revealing the name

of the Kennedy compound
rape victim.

NBC News president Michael
Gartner defended his decision

saying, the public should have
all the information necessary

to make up their own
minds on issues.

We at Weekend Update agree,
and if you’d like to comment
to Mr. Gartner,

we’ll be getting
his phone number, his address,

and fax number this week and we
will reveal them on next week’s
Weekend Update.

[audience applauding]

Well, it’s mother’s day tomorrow
and here with a special message

this Weekend Update so,
Adam Sandler, Welcome, Adam.

Thank you.

[audience cheering]

Thank you very much,
thanks everybody.

Happy mother’s day to
all you mom’s out there.

You moms really
deserve it, really.

Normally, to celebrate, I take
my mom to a nice restaurant

and we have a heart to heart
talk, just the two of us,

but since I can’t make it home
this year, I thought

I’d do my half of
the conversation on TV.

So, she can record it and
play the tape tomorrow

at her favorite restaurant.

So, mom, this is for you...

Get ready, press record, OK.

Uh huh.

[audience laughing]

Uh huh.

Uh huh. Uh huh.

[audience laughing]

I see, uh huh.

Well, she’s not your friend,
Is she?

[audience laughing]

No, uh huh, you said that?

No, you didn’t, you did? No!

[audience laughing]

Yeah, yes, mom, of course,
I use condoms.

What? Mom?

I have something on my neck?

Oh mom, you’re choking, mom?

Are you all right?

Mom, mom, good.
Arms up, arms up.

Arms up, breathe, good,

good, OK, don’t worry,
nobody saw you.

Ma, right up there.

There, uh huh, ma,
don’t cry, it’s not a big deal,

what are you crying about then?
Tell me.

Oh my God, does dad know?

Well, it’s over, right?

What do you mean,
you love this guy, mom?

[audience laughing]

I know you like Latin men,
but he’s Turkish.

Ma, Turkey is not
a Latin country.

Mom, I’m sorry,
I have to tell dad. I do.

You give me what?

Well, it has to be a Harley.

[audience laughing]

A big one.

Deal. Ok. I love you, too, ma.

Hoppe mother’s day, ok,
ma, press stop, thank you.

All right, thanks a lot, Dennis.

Thank you, Adam Sandler.

[audience cheering]

Don’t be sad, man.

During game one of the Detroit
Pistons vs. Boston Celtics

Conference semifinals
basketball game,

Isaiah Thomas gave birth
to a 6 pound 4 ounces boy.

[audience laughing]

Happy mother’s day, Isaiah.

And the world League of American
football announce plans

for expansion
beginning next season.

This move could potentially
double the number of people

who show no interest
in these games.

New York’s empire state
building turned 60 last week.

You know, for 60 years old, it’s
still pretty erect, isn’t it?

[audience laughing]

Remember, too nice tonight to
set you clocks back an hour

just to confuse
your little clock mind.

[audience cheering]

OK, that means
you’ve lost 3/4 pound,

congratulations, Bethany.

Oh, yay, finally.

Do you really want
something to eat?

Or is something eating you?

Do you really want
something to eat?

Or is something eating you?

Now, before we begin today and
talk about food and feelings.

Why don’t we go over the basic
Weight Watchers food plan,

Amanda?

Ok, two milks, three vegetables,
two fruits, three fats,

four breads, five proteins,
100 optional calories per day,

and 21 floaters to be
used during the week,

except for fats,
fats don’t float.

Very good, Amanda.

Let’s give Amanda a hand for
being our new 15 pound ribbon
winner.

That’s 15.5 pounds
in three weeks on Plan 2.

Remember, if you fail
to plan, you plan to fail.

If you fail to plan,
you plan to fail.

All right?

Oh, I see we have a new face.

I’m Val, I’m the group leader.

I have lost 135 pounds and
I have kept it off for 10 years.

Would you like to
introduce yourself?

No, but I will.

I’m Ned Crawley, I’m a cop.

Seems that a certain sergeant
down at the precinct

has a little problem
with my... girth.

Says, it’s slowing me down
so he says to me, "Crawley,

you’re joining
the Weight Watchers."

But he doesn’t say nothing
about losing weight.

[audience laughing]

I just want to say that
if you think what you’re doing

is a big joke, then you should
leave right now.

But if you decide to stay,
I just want you to know

that size of pizza will count as
one bread, two restricted
proteins,

and maybe a vegetable.

Stewart?

Hello, I’m Stewart
and I’m an overeater.

[audience laughing]

Stewart, this is not
overeater anonymous.

We don’t do that here.

I know, but I just like
it when people say,

"hi Stewart."

[everyone:]
Hi Stewart.

Hi.

I just want to say that I think
that Amanda is putting

a little too much focus
on what Ned is doing

and that’s OK.

but in OA, and I realize that
we’re Weight Watchers, not OA,

but in OA, we have a slogan,
put the focus on yourself.

And I know you’re thinking,
"Oh, here’s Stewart,

trying to 12 step us again."
And I’m sorry,

but I think Weight Watchers
is a fine program.

I’ve lost 4 pounds
in Weight Watchers.

I’ve lost 127 in OA.

Stewart, the man
who moves mountains

moves them one stone at a time.

Exactly. One day at a time.

The man who moves mountains
moves them one stone
at the time.

One day at a time.

Shut up.

Bethany?

Yes, on this diet...

This is not a diet,
this is a live it.

Live it, you live it, live it.

Ok, on this live it, what day
of the week are you supposed
to start on?

Whatever day you choose.

Hello, excuse me, hello, hello,
hello, excuse me, hello,

hello, hi.

Ok. I have today’s results.

Now, the good news is we have
lost a total of 27.5 pounds.

[cheers]

Yes, and now the bad news,
you’re going to shoot me.

I miscalibrated the scale and
it’s off by 3/4 pound

so you all weigh 3/4 pound more
than you thought.

You mean, I didn’t
lose any weight?

No.

OK, OK, everyone hold on, settle
down, grab a hold, everyone,

grab a hold of yourself.

In OA, when something
awful like this happens,

we join hands and say
the serenity prayer.

So join hands, come on,
Amanda, Ned.

Don’t touch me. I didn’t come
here to pray,

I came here to eat,
three fruits,

two milks, three fats, four
breads and five proteins,

and if I want to use
my optionals to pray to
higher power, I’ll do that.

Very well.
Please don’t stifle your anger.

People, people...

This is a freaking circus.

The circus?

The circus is for those
who know...

how to get to the circus.

The circus is for those
who know

how to get to the circus.

Ok, I want you to take
a journey in your minds.

Next time you get
the urge to eat,

I want you to go to the place
where we are about to visualize.

Now, close your eyes,
imagine a perfect day,

you can be wherever you want,
with whomever you want,

it’s morning, where are you?

Now, it’s almost noon.

OK now, who are you with?

What are you doing?

OK, now it’s evening.

You can do anything you like.

It’s night.

OK now, open your eyes.

Your perfect day is over.

Does anybody want to tell
us about his journey?

Stewart, what did you do?

In the morning, I went to
an NLO meeting,

for lunch, I was at a Gambler’s
Anonymous picnic.

And then I went straight to
an Adult Children’s
of Alcoholics Dance.

Ok, Stewart, we got the picture.

Ned, would you like to tell us
where you went on your journey?

Ok, does anyone know
who Uma Thurman is?

[audience laughing]

Ok, Ned, stop right
there, Amanda?

I woke up in Hawaii, I was
alone but it felt good.

And I went down on the terrace,
overlooking the ocean.

The waves were
crashing to shore.

There was a beautiful wicker
table with fine china
and crystal.

I had my breakfast.

Three fourths of an ounce
of cereal milk

and four ounces of peeled,
cored apple, and then,

I realized I hadn’t had
my entire milk selection,

and I got a surprise treat
of a half cup of plain yogurt.

Now, that is a perfect day.

She is one sorry broad.

[audience laughing]

Ned, I need you to be positive.

This time is for you.

Bethany, what did you
do on your journey?

I couldn’t go, I’m too fat.

I can’t go anywhere
until I lose weight.

Ok, OK, we’re out of time,
but as you leave,

I want you to remember:

no food taste as good
as being thin feels.

No food tastes as good
as being thin feels.

I’ll see loss of you next week.

That was very good.

You know,
for a Weight Watchers thing.

[audience applauding]

Welcome to Coffee Talk.

I’m your host, Paul Baldwin.

On the show, we talk about
things like coffee, New York,

daughters, dogs, you know,
no big whoop.

[audience laughing]

Just coffee talk.

And on this coffee talk,
I have with me a friend

who lives in the building.

Now, we’ve used to have a thing,
but now, we just talk.

Welcome to Coffee Talk, Audrey.

Thanks, Paul.

I’m glad you called.

It’s good to talk.

You know, when we were an item,
all we did was fight.

It was awful.

PS, long story short, now we
just talk, we have a ball.

[audience laughing]

It’s good to talk,
more coffee, Audrey?

What kind of coffee
is that, Paul?

You know, its regular coffee.

The type you can get
anywhere in New York, you know.

No big whoop.

Ok, let’s take some calls,
the number is 555-4444.

Welcome to Coffee Talk.

[Female voice:]
Hello, Paul. My name is Laura.

I’ve looked all over New York
for a good coffee maker.

But the long and
short of it is this,

the selection is appalling.

Hello, Laura, you’re
talking to Audrey.

Hello, Audrey.

First of all, I’m glad
you called, it’s good to talk.

I don’t know if you can tell
from the way I talk,

but I’m also from New York.

[audience laughing]

I always thought that
New York had it all.

It’s what you thought but when
it comes to coffee makers,

they are awful, very awful.

Very awful, who knew?

[audience laughing]

You know.

Truth be known, I have a brawn
and it’s never stirred me wrong.

[audience laughing]

Thanks for your call,
the number is 555-4444.

Give us a call.

Welcome to Coffee Talk.

[Male voice:]
Hello, my name is Oral
Kaufield, I was wondering,

can a dog drink coffee?

No, a dog cannot drink coffee.

In the city of New York,
it’s against the law

for a dog to drink coffee.

End of story.

Welcome to Coffee Talk.

No call, who knew?

[audience laughing]

So let’s talk baseball.

You know, Paul.

The big question in baseball

is when Darryl Strawberry
came back to New York,

did you applaud?

Interesting story.

I was going to applaud
but then I blocked.

[audience laughing]

So give us a call, the number is
555-4444,

let’s talk baseball.

[Female voice:]
Hello?

My name is Forn Hall.

Forn Hall from Oliver North?

No, a different Forn Hall.

Anyhow, I’m calling
about Strawberry.

When he hit the long ball,
I applauded.

Unfortunately, I was eating
malted balls and I got covered
in chocolate.

Ok, thanks for calling.

[audience laughing]

- Two Forn Halls, who knew?
- Who knew?

- Who knew?
- Who knew? Who knew?

[doorbell ringing]

That would be my daughter
with the dog.

I better put on some coffee.

Well, that’s all the time
we have on Coffee Talk.

You know, I want to thank
all of the because you know,

you’re good to talk to.

No, you’re good to talk to.

Stop.

I will talk to you
in a heartbeat.

You’re good to talk to.

My name is Paul Baldwin,
call me.

We’ll talk, you know.
No big whoop.

[audience laughing]

[audience cheering]

[Announcer:]
And now, Deep Thoughts,
by Jack Handey.

Many people never stop
to realize

that a tree is a living thing,

not that different
from a tall, leafy dog

that has roots
and is very quiet.

[audience laughing]

Did I tell you that Bobby
was selling the El Camino?

- What?
- Uh huh.

I don’t believe it.

What is she selling?

BOBBY IS SELLING
HIS EL CAMINO, MOTHER.

Laurel, I remember the first
day I saw you in that car just

driving down the street
honking and waving.

I just love to honk.

I know.

Tiffany, what you
have out there?

No, put it down.

No, no, honey, put
it down, good girl.

Hey, you know who might
want to buy your car?

Brenda Whatley.

That’s right.
She totaled hers, didn’t she?

Well, she got a lot of
money out of it, too.

It was a good thing
she was wearing her seat belt,
I’ll tell you that, right now.

I know but you know it just
ruined her bikini line.

Betty, give them back to
Tiffany, now, that’s hers.

Go and see what Lani is doing.
Go play with him.

- That’s good.
- Lani, put that down, honey.

Those things belong in
the ground not in your nose.

[audience laughing]

You know that Brenda
has got the worst luck?

Having that accident after
all that cosmetic surgery.

I know, I know, and she just
finished having her eyebrows

separated and that big old mole
taken off her face and then,

Bam, it’s like it
never even happened.

I know.

Right in front of her house.

You would just would never
suspect a tragedy like that

to occur in your own driveway.

No, you know, you wouldn’t.

MOTHER, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

Am I what?

NEVER MIND.

She is coming apart.

I’m here to tell you.

I tried to get her to switch
to this low tar things

but you know, she’s not going
to be with us much longer.

No.

Lani, what’s that, honey?
What have you got?

Buddy, go over there
and see what Lani’s got?

What’s he got?

Lani, put it down.

- Put it down.
- That’s good.

You know, I so Brenda the other
day and she looked just awful.

Tiffany, quit.

Well, I know, it looked like
she was retaining water or
something.

Well, you know,
she busted an implant.

- Well, they were so cheap.
- I know.

Stop that, you quit
that right now.

Lani, what is your
sister playing with?

Tiffany, what do you have?

Hold it up, I can’t
see it, honey.

Oh my Lord, look at that!

Lani, take that thing
and throw it away.

Don’t pick it up with
your hands, use a stick.

No, baby don’t, honey,
oh, he used his hands.

Hold it away from you.

OK, now that’s it. That’s good.
Now, I just get rid of it, baby.

You just get rid of it.

Don’t bring it up here.

Take it back to the
garbage heap, honey.

Buddy, you see where that part
of it broke off down there.

Take that on out to Lani.

Honey, not the part that’s
moving, the other part.

[audience laughing]

Brenda has the worst look of any
woman I’ve ever seen, you know.

Honey, that’s an old
refrigerator, don’t put it
in there.

Betty, don’t you close
that door on him.

Now, you let him out, I mean
it, don’t you make me come out
there, mister.

Honey, you see the garbage heap?

No? Ok.
Do you see the scrap metal pile?

Ok, honey, baby, you see that
sack of old broken windshields?

That’s right. Right there,
next to it. Good.

What does that child got?

WHAT, MOTHER?

What does she got?

Oh, Tiffany, what have you got?

She found another one?

Where do you suppose
they’re coming from?

I don’t know. Honey, baby,
take it back to Lani.

He’ll throw it
on the garbage heap.

Take it to them,
you just keep going.

- Go on.
- Go to your brother, baby.

[audience applauding]

Well, it’s Saturday Night Live
except it’s over now,

and I’m so glad I survived it

and I want to thank you all
for coming

and wish all the mothers out
there a happy mother’s day.

We love you. Bye.

[audience cheering]

[music]