All language subtitles for Saturday.Night.Live.S16E16.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-M29_4_text

(Announcer:)
Good evening, and welcome again

to "Pumping Up
with Hans and Franz,"

the informative
training program

for the serious weight lifter.

- Two of them.
- All right.

- Welcome.
- We’re back.

Alright. Once again, I am Hans.

Yeah, and I am Franz,
and we are here to...

- ...pump...you up!
- ...pump...you up!

Alright, you know, as you can
see we come to you

from just inside
the Kuwaiti desert.

Yeah, that’s right.

We have been
out of communication

since our radio broke
four weeks ago.

But as you can see,
our muscles are still intact.

(Audience laugh)

- Alright, alright, alright.
- Yeah.

Listen, hear me now;
believe me later.

We are tired of waiting
for the allies to start
the ground war.

So, it is time for us
to begin...

- operation... Muscles Tone!
- operation... Muscles Tone!

Come on now two Iraqi girly men.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, they should change
the name of Iraq to
"I am a loser."

That’s right.

Yeah, and Baghdad to "Flabdad."

Alright, alright.

You know, we could very easily
take Saddam Hussein by his
turban

and yank it so hard
he spins around like a top.

So fast the centrifugal force
makes his flabby love handles

flatten out like a pizza.

(Audience laugh)

Wooh. Wooh!

You’ve been trying to back
us off, Mr. Camel man.

Yeah, yeah,
with your skinny camel legs.

You know, spend a few months
on the stairmaster,

then we’ll talk.

Yeah, alright.

(Gibberish talking)

Hear me now, believe me later.

(Gibberish talking)

Yeah, that’s right, you know.

(Gibberish talking)

- (Gibberish talking)
- (Gibberish talking)

- Kuwait!
- Kuwait!

(Gibberish talking)

Oh, the war is over, Franz.

(Camel bellows)

Yeah. Do not be laughing at us,
Mr. Camelman.

Yeah, we could-- they’ll usually
squeeze our buttocks so hard

your humps would pop
like a flabby pimple.

(Audience laugh)

Alright, alright.

Enough pumping of the camel.
We are not here to talk.

- We are here to say...
- We are here to say...

- "Live from New York,
- "Live from New York,

- It’s Saturday... Night!"
- It’s Saturday... Night!"

(Music plays)

(Announcer:)
It’s Saturday Night Live

with Dana Carvey,

Phil Hartman,

Jan Hooks,

Victoria Jackson,

Dennis Miller,

Mike Myers,

and Kevin Nealon,

with Chris Farley,

Tim Meadows,

Chris Rock,

Julia Sweeney,

and featuring Adam Sandler,

Rob Schneider,

G.E. Smith and the Saturday
Night Live Band.

Musical guest, Fishbone

and starring Jeremy Irons.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Jeremy Irons!

Thank you very much. Thank you.

It’s good to be here.

Well, I must say,
this is-- this is for me,

the most eventful week.

Tonight, I’m hosting Saturday
Night Live and...

Monday... let me just get this
out of the way,

I’ll be at the Academy Awards
having the nomination
for Best Actor.

(Audience Applause)

Okay, okay, yes.

Alright, alright,
alright, alright.

Come on, pull
yourselves together.

Now, you see, I know it’s easy
to get caught up in-- in-- in

all this competition
and that sort of thing,

but it’s not why I’m an actor.

Um, so, for me these last few
weeks I’ve made real effort

to keep my mind off it all.

Now, concentrating of course on
this show has been very helpful,

and I’ve also immerse myself in
some other creative activities.

For example, I-- I tried
my hand at woodworking,

which is I find such a release.

And here, recently, I made
some candlesticks, and...

(Laughter and applause)

And, here is one that
I’m-- I’m quite proud of.

I think, something that will
make a nice gift for somebody.

And of course, this candle
fits in here which is--

...is really, really
very pleasant.

Thank you, Lon.

And also, I’ve-- I’ve...

(Audience Laughter)

Also, I’ve made this coat.

Now, I’ve never designed
clothing but I think it’s
rather a success.

Don’t you-- I mean,
it hangs well.

(Applause and cheers)

It’s-- it’s-- it’s roomy
and keeps out the cold,

and it’s been a great diversion
Mo-- Mo-- Monday night.

(Laughter)

And of course, painting has
always been a distraction.

I recently finished
the portrait of my wife,

sadly at home tonight in England
and my two sons in our--

...in our rather lovely garden.

And, there...

(Laughter)

I think, I’ve caught them,
my family.

Family life, that’s-- I think,
for me, really important.

And looking at them,
well, God, I’m lucky.

Now, these...

(Laughter)

These-- these tonics, uh-- these
hobbies have been a great tonic.

I’d like to share
one more with you.

I also dabble in a very
small way in songwriting.

And here’s a little gitty that
I’ve stayed up a couple of
nights working on

that I thought
I’d like to share with you.

(Piano playing)

* Darling and I were
walking down the lane, *

* eating our Oscar pie. *

* We watched a cricket match
beside the Oscar patch *

* under the clear Oscar sky. *

* The way I see it, De Niro
is my major competition. *

* Richard Harris... *

Well, it goes on and on
like that in a similar way.

(Applause and laughter)

But-- no, no. Come on,
because there’s no, no, time.

(Whistling sound)

Let’s get on with the show.

And ladies and gentlemen,
Fishbone is here.

We’ll be back later.

(Applause and cheers)

Hey, Zach.

Hi.

Is this your project
from Ms. Hanson?

Yup.

Boy, it sure makes
mine look pathetic.

Thanks.

I guess your dad
helped you with it.

No. I did it all myself
on my computer.

You did this dinosaur eating
an army man on a computer?

Uhhmm.

And this dive bummer
crushing into a volcano?

Computer.

Hey, look what Zach
did on his computer.

(Sips)

This explosion, the best
I have ever seen.

What else can your computer do?

Visiting the Pubic Library.

Wow. It said public.
I changed it.

(Laughter)

You did that on a computer?

Uhhmm.

(Bell ringing)

Got to go.

You know...

My dad got me a computer,

but I can’t do stuff like that.

Me, neither.

Maybe I’m just stupid.

No, we’re not stupid.

Our dad just got us
squirmy computers.

We got crummy dads.

(Narrator:)
McIntosh Jr., the power
to crush the other kids.

(Applause and cheers)

(Music Plays)

(Announcer:)
And now, Deep Thoughts
by Jack Handey.

(Narrator:)
You know what would make
a good story?

Something about a clown
who makes people happy,

but inside he’s real sad.

Also, he has severe diarrhea.

(Laughter and applause)

(Announcer:)
You are watching Cable 10,

Aurora Illinois Community
AccessChannel.

Whew! Wayne’s World.
Wayne’s World.

Wayne’s World.

Excellent.

(Cheers and applause)

- Whew!
- Whew!

Alright.

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

Alright.

Awawaw!

Excellent.

Alright, welcome
to Wayne’s World.

Here’s your host,
Wayne Campbell.

- Party!
- Whoo!

(Applause and cheers)

- Party hardy!
- Hardy!

It’s Friday, it’s 10:30,
it’s time to party.

I’m your excellent
host, Wayne Campbell.

- With me, as always, is Garth.
- Party on, Wayne.

- Party on, Garth.
- Okay, alright.

(Laughter)

- So, it’s Oscar time, right?
- Excellent.

- Yeah, we love the Oscars.
- Yeah, they’re excellent.

You know, but I’m sorry,
I think the movies this year,

- I think they were lame.
- They sucked.

(Laughter)

Sucked rhino.

(Laughter)

Sorry. Okay. Unnecessary zoom!

Wa!

Wa!

Wa!

Okay, alright.

(Applause and cheers)

Excellent.

Alright.

Let’s make our
Oscar picks, okay?

* Wayne’s World, Oscar Picks,
Friday Time, Excellent! *

(Makes sound)

- Okay, alright.
- Alright.

Okay, the first category
is Best Supporting Actor.

(Drumming sound)

And the winner is-- excuse me,
the Oscar pick goes to, alright,

Joe Pesci, Good Fellas.

- Pesci, what a great name!
- Yeah, what?

- Pesci, what a great name!
- I know.

We didn’t see Good Fellas, but
Pesci is just such an excellent
name.

(Laughter)

It’s like, you know,
I’m feeling a bit pesci.

You know, I could or could not
eat fish, you know,

just pesci, you know. Okay.

Our next category is
Best Supporting Actress.

Alright? Alright?

(Drumming sound)

The winner is Joe Pesci again.

(Laughter)

So, we just really
like the name.

Pesci. Alright.

Pesci... (makes sound)
Pesci...(makes sound)

Okay, the next category
is Best Actress.

(Drumming sound)

Okay, Garth, you don’t
have to do that every time.

Oh, good. I was starting
to hyperventilate.

(Laughter)

And the Oscar pick goes to
Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman.

- Ggrrrh!
- Rrrh!

(Makes hissing sound)

- Aw!
- Whoo!

There’s no contest, man.
She’s such a babe.

Shwing!

Shwing!

- Tent pole action, man.
- Yeah.

I start-- I start feeling
tingly down there.

Shwing!

(Laughter)

Alright.

Okay.

Okay, Best Actor, alright?

And the Oscar pick goes to...

Gérard Depardieu.

- Not!
- Not!

(Laughter and applause)

- Shocked?
- Alright.

Yeah. He’s scarylooking...

- Whoow!
- Whoow!

(Laughter)

He looks like something
I ate and dropped.

(Laughter)

You know, sorry.
The man’s a beast.

He looks like Ron Perlman,
you know.

He’s Perlman-esque.
That’s all I can say.

Alright. Now, we’d like
to show you the Oscar picks

we made earlier in the day
at a separate ceremony.

Costume Design: Avalon.

(Making sound)

(Laughter)

Live Action Short Film:
The Lunch Date.

(Laughter)

Documentary Short Subject:
Chimps.

So Like Us.

(Laughter)

- Great. Yeah.
- Excellent.

- We freeze.
- Okay.

Next category is
Best Foreign Film,

- and the Oscar pick goes to...
- Alright.

They should make
this easier to open.

Goes to Ju Dou from
The People’s Republic of China.

You know, I’m sorry, but I think
that it’s a travesty that

Der Tangospieler was overlooked.

Spieler is about the dismantling
of the EastGerman regime.

It was both sublime
and achingly poetic.

(Laughter)

Also, there was this German
chicken in the flick

who had these humongoid snoobs.

(Laughter)

Monster tatas, man.

Oh, the humanity!

(Laughter)

Moving on in our final category.

(Makes drumming sound)

Best Movie of 1990, and
the Oscar pick goes to...

"Dances with Wolves." Alright.

(Laughter)

Dances with Wolves, you know,
might win the Academy Award,

and monkeys might fly
out of my butt.

(Laughter)

- Alright.
- Yeah, that’s it.

Three hours, very boring.

You know, they should-- they
should have made it, like,

you know, Dances with Squirrels,
with like mental squirrels

biting people’s faces off.

(Laughter)

Okay, Garth, take
your riddlin, okay?

(Laughter)

Or they could’ve made it
"Dances with foxes", you know,

and made it
a Heather Locklear vehicle.

Okay, that’s all the time
we have for this week, okay?

Until then, good night.

- Party on, Garth.
- Party on, Wayne.

* Wayne’s World. Wayne’s World.
Wayne’s World. *

* Excellent. *

(Cheers)

(Music plays)

(Announer:)
And now, weekend update with
anchorperson Dennis Miller!

(Applause and cheers)

Thank you. Thank you.

(Cheers)

Thank you. Good evening.
And what I can tell you?

It was revealed this week
the Panamanian General
Manuel Noriega

has become
a bornagain Christian.

Noriega wrote a note saying,
"I found Jesus

in the Metropolitan
Correctional Center
of Dade Country, Florida."

You know, Manny, I don’t want
to burst your bubble babe but,

unfortunately, every other guy
in that jail was named Jesus.

(Laughter and applause)

Hussein announced this week that
in an effort to go underground

and not be found by anyone, he
planned to sign on with Yahoo’s
Syria’s talent agency.

(Laughter)

Hey, why don’t we get together
and pass some legislation

prohibiting Senator John Warner
of Virginia from going over

to the battlefield every two
minutes to dawn this bomber
jacket

and act like Robert
Lansing in Twelve O’Clock High?

Hey, John, it’s over.

Liz Split, she’s not
coming back, alright?

Yeah, I like the one
in the middle. She’s cute.

(Laughter)

I think I’ll try to make
a little eye contact.

(Laughter)

I tell you one thing that stuck
in my mind about the liberated
Kuwaitis,

how poorly the man
dressed over there.

The last time I saw them
in their bad sweaters

was the final round of
the Bob Hoop desert classic.

The President reviewed
a military honor guard

when he arrived
in Bermuda this week.

There’s some pretty rigid
physical requirements done there
in that Bermuda army, huh?

(Laughter)

President Bush also greeted
French President François
Mitterrand last week.

Mitterrand was accompanied by
his eight-foot tall and visible
rabbit, righthand man, Harvey.

(Laughter)

Bush attempted to shake hands
with Harvey but Harvey insisted

he come out back and meet
with his wife, Henrietta.

(Laughter)

In a recent speech,
President Bush said,

"Although American courage and
resolve were once questionable,

now they are not.

We are a newborn world
leader," Bush said.

"My popularity is
an all-time high.

I’m invincible.
I’m the lizard king.

I can do anything!"

(Applause, cheers, laughter)

I always get so embarrassed
when I act. You know...

Razor Ruddock is protesting
Referee Richard Steele’s
decision to stop his fight

with Mike Tyson in the seventh
round last Monday.

Well, Razor is here with us
tonight to explain his position.

Let’s hear your side
of the story, Razor Ruddock.

(Applause and cheers)

Well, Dennis, it’s just
something like this.

When I was
in the seventh round...

Okay, thanks Razor.
That’s enough time.

No, that’s it. Time out. Out.

Razor Ruddock,
ladies and gentlemen.

(Applause)

That’s a good sense of humor.
Thanks, Razor.

Richard Steele, the referee
of the Mike Tyson-Razor Ruddock
bout

the other night was hired
this week by the Los Angeles
Police Department

to ride around
in squad cars with the police

and then stop the fight
before it gets out of hand.

In the wake of the LAPD beating
on Rodney King this week,

police revealed they have found
traces of marijuana and liquor
in King’s system.

It’s so wild.

If I’m getting pulled
over by the L.A. cops,

I want to have
a morphine IV in my arm.

(Laughter and applause)

And...

(Laughter and applause)

And today’s show co-anchor,
Deborah Norville was raked
over the coals this week

by her superiors for her picture
in People Magazine

breastfeeding her child, Nicky.

Some people said they didn’t
feel it was appropriate

for newsperson to be seen
in such a position.

Oh, yeah, God forbid that
somebody in the news department

ever gave a fellow human being
something they really need.

(Laughter and applause)

Ooh!

Right in a bull’s...

(Laughter)

Hey, my question is
when you get this big,

why do you even wear a belt?

(Laughter)

Here, with some news
on the controversy on movie
New Jack City

is one of the
stars of that movie,

Saturday Night Live
is on Chris Rock.

(Cheers and applause)

Thank you, Dennis.

As you know, the movie
New Jack City

has been marred
by violence.

Well, I just want to say that
not one person has been killed

inside a theater.

Sure, one guy got killed
outside the theater

but how can you be so sure

it was because
of New Jack City?

I mean, it was one of
those Cineplex theaters.

How do you know that the guy
wasn’t killed because of green
card, alright?

Another reason for this socalled
violence is that New Jack

is in less theaters
than any movie out.

Now, less theaters
means less seats.

I don’t care what movie you are.

If you don’t have enough
seats for Cocoon 3,

somebody’s gonna get hurt.

(Laughter)

Now, here’s some tips on
how to enjoy your evening
at New Jack City.

Tip number one,
don’t go in the evening.

(Laughter)

There is no law that said you
have to see a movie at night.

They show the same movie
at 9:00 a.m. that they show
at 9:00 p.m.

Tip number two, if you go
to get popcorn and come back,

and you seat has been
taken, let it slide.

(Laughter and applause)

You don’t have to
swear revenge, alright?

Tip three, if you’re
in the theater

and shooting
does break out, stay low.

You know, don’t get up
and say, "People, people,
let’s be reasonable!

Finally, when leaving
New Jack City,

return to your car
in a zigzag fashion.

(Laughter)

All of these will assure you
have a good time at the theater.

- Thanks a lot.
- Thank you, Chris.

(Applause and Cheer)

Thank you, good job.

Thank you, Chris.

You know, I went to see New
Jack City the other night,

and I got a large container
buttered crack,

and you know, it was 4.95.

And I’m telling you,
if this keeps up,

I’m not gonna be able
to go to the movies anymore.

(Laughter)

Yo!

Chrysler unveiled its
new dodged yak this week.

(Laughter)

Airbag not included.

Census officials announced
that the 1990 census results

will not be ready
by the anticipated date.

It seems some joker started
yelling at random numbers

when the guy counting is
at 300 million and changed,

and he had to start
all over again.

Conrad Bank, TV sitcom
father or hippie cult leader?

(Laughter)

And...

...the 60Minute star Mike
Wallace was outfitted with
the new pacemaker this week.

(Clingclang sound)
(Laughter)

And this picture of Eartha Kitt
appeared this week
in the New York post,

Eartha reassured her fans
that she’s still receiving
residual payments

for posing for the cover
of the UFO book Communion.

Guess what folks? That’s news.

(Applause)

(Cheers)

- Nice party, huh?
- Yeah, it is.

Hey, yo, where did you
guys get those drinks?

- Oh, the bar is there.
- Oh, thanks.

Oh, here we go.

What’s it doing
by the copy machine?

Tom, Tommy.

Oh, Tom Myster.

Hey, Richard,
I’m just getting a refill.

No copies for the Tom man,
just getting a refill.

The refillinator.

(Laughter)

Well, I’m gonna head
back to the party.

Tom.

See ya.

Tomsky.

(Laughter)

Sandy and Steve.

Oh, Steve-ster,
I’m a San-struss.

Hi, Richard.

Hey, Rich, just making
some screw drivers.

Captain Steve of the SS Vodka.

Stevie Stolicnaya.

Richard, you did a nice
job with the invitations.

Alright.

Sandy liking the copies.

Mademoiselle Sand.

Have you said,
you might have drilled yet?

Stevel Ramavich.

It’s so great we’re
having a party.

Drew’s such a nice guy.

Yeah, I can’t believe he
got transferred to Dallas.

- See you, Rich.
- Byebye.

Stevel and Sandy going
back to the party.

Tim and Roskie and Lulu.

- Hi, Rich.
- Hi, Rich.

Tinanina, Randyraru.

Randytula and his
male friend, Ross.

(Laughter)

- How are you doing, Rich?
- Alright.

Have a beer, make some
copies, having a party.

Hello, Richard.
You know my friend, Ross.

Hi, Richard.
Nice to see you again.

The Randster and his male
friendster whose companion,

compañero.

- Goodbye, Richard.
- Bye, Richard.

The Ranman saying goodbye
with his life matetorinee.

Hey, Tina, I want to show you
something. Get on up here.

No! Aah! Aah!

(Laughter)

- Dino out of control...
- Wait.

Playing rough
with the copy machine.

Is this safe? Aah!

Hey, Richard, relax.
I’m just making some copies.

Security. Secure a room.

Travel on aid, agent row low.

Okay, okay, relax.
Let’s get out here.

Hi, Richard, I’m
gonna be leaving soon.

I wanted to say goodbye and
thank you for the party.

Drew, the drewster.

I’m gonna miss
you all very much.

Drew.

Oh, you shouldn’t have.

That’s too much.

No, this is more
than I expected.

Oh, Richard,
the Xerox Telecopier 7009.

I couldn’t possibly accept this.
You need this. Come on.

Got it memorized, Drew.

(Laughter)

Drrrreeewwww.

Now, come on, it’s not as if
I’m not gonna see you again.

Barren von Drew, I’m hurt.

I’ll tell you what.

How about I make
a copy the cover?

Alright, Drew, making copies.

There we go.

Rich maestro stiky machine
still works like a charm.

There she got.
Oh, a beautiful copy.

Look at that.

What is it?

Drew’s last copy.

Franklin Drewsvelt.

The Drewbics cube.

(Laughter)

The last Drewbic.

(Applause)

(Music Plays)

Hello, I’m Jeremy Irons.

Do you recognize this music?

Of course.

When one hears it,
one sees Elmer Fudd

finally falling to sleep

as his noisy roommate
Daffy Duck is finally quieted

by coils of rope and padlocks.

But in fact, it is from one of
the world’s most famous pieces

of classical music,
Ram’s Lullaby.

(Music playing)

How about this familiar melody?

You probably noticed the music
Bugs Bunny plays on the piano

when he tries to
hit the mouse...

...running around inside with
the little hammers
that hit the strings.

But did you know that it was
actually Franz Liszt’s immortal

Hungarian Rhapsody?

If, like me, you are one of
those whose introduction

to classical music comes
from Looney Tunes,

(Laughter)

..you’ll want Looney
Tunes Classics.

Here are some of the musical
treasures and the wacky memories

that can be yours
in this special offer.

You’ll get the overture from
Rossini’s "The Barber of
Seville,"

(Music Plays)

"The Blue Danube" by Strauss.

* Quackquack, Quackquack. *

* Quackquack, Quackquack. *

* Figaro. *

The-- the-- the Figaro from
The Barber by-- by Rossini.

* Figaro one, Figaro
lamp, Figaro pot. *

* Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit. *

The Flight from the
Valkyries by Wagner.

(Applause and cheers)

The Anvil Chorus that’s
hammered out by Verdi.

That’s a joke, son.

(Music Playing)

And the-- the-- the--
the-- that’s not all folks.

For a limited time only, we
will include a rare recording

of Daffy Duck singing
the only known lyrics

to the William Tell overture.

(fast singing)

(Applause)

So, order your Looney Tunes
Classics by dialing this number

and have your Visa card ready.

But pardon me, I’ve got to get
back to Wagner’s "Die Walkure"

from the Ring Circle.

* And kill the wabbit! *

* Kill the wabbit! *

(Applause and cheers)

* You know, when I get dabbling,
I’m going to have a hug bear *

* and a colt by it. *

* Not me. *

* I’m getting me a clean shave
and a dirty woman. *

(Laughter)

* I spend the whole day
in the saddle *

* and I sleep out on the dirt, *

* but that is what’s expected
of a cowboy. *

* I organize the cattle
and I never change my shots. *

* That is the job description
of a cowboy. *

* On the weekends, I buy whiskey
then I drink my chloroform, *

* ride into town
and do things *

* that I’m sure
are barely lawful. *

* Like, fighting the person
I dislike *

* and beat him bloody awful, *

* but that is what one
does when one’s a cowboy. *

(Laughter)

(Harmonica playing)

* We wag our guns
above our heads *

* and shout "Ti Yippe Yo." *

* That’s how one entertains
when one’s a cowboy. *

(Laughter)

* We drive the cattle forward *

* till the foreman
calls out, "Whoo!" *

* One’s obliged to take
instructions as a cowboy. *

* At the Trails End
you seek solace *

* with the girl
of easy virtue... *

* And when your money’s
run out, *

* she will readily desert you. *

* But then you drink some more *

* until the wounds
no longer hurt you, *

* But that’s how one survives
when one’s a cowboy. *

* At first glance,
it would seem *

* this life is rough
and tumble fun, *

* but there’re no men
surrounding the camp fire *

* when the day’s work
has been done. *

* And the conversations
held there, *

* are heartfelt and sincere, *

* the subject of this
fireside saturnalia *

* is the catalogue
of female genitalia. *

(Laughter)

And I need to make it positively
and absolutely clear

that I am as equally attracted
to the gentle sex

as the next man, but...

* It’s at this point
that I question my career. *

* Oh, the trail meets
the horizon *

* where sky looks
like the plain *

* which leaves you lots
of time to be a cowboy. *

* And should the cattle
misbehave,*

* we’ll call them funny names. *

* See, that’s how mindless
we’ve become as cowboys. *

* Though most of us
can’t read or write, *

* the lessons are abundant, *

* to realize
your sense of worth, *

* it doesn’t take a pundit. *

* For life behind the bovine
herd is little but redundant. *

* Oh, God, it can’t be true. *

* I am a cowboy. *

(Applause and cheers)

(Music Plays)

(Announcer:)
And now, Deep Thoughts
by Jack Handey.

(Narrator:)
Sometimes, when I feel
like killing someone,

I do a little trick
to calm myself down.

I’ll go over to the person’s
house and ring the doorbell.

When the person comes
to the door, I’m gone,

but you know
what I’ve left on the porch?

A jackolantern with a knife
stuck in the side of its head

with a note that says, "You."

After that, I usually feel
a lot better, and no harm done.

(Laughter and applause)

(Music plays)

(Narrator:)
You’re a busy person and every

you don’t need the headache
of trying to find a pencil
and paper.

Well, now, you don’t have to.

Thanks to the Buzz Pen,

the handy way to stay
organized.

I’m sorry, Tom is
away for a weekend.

Can I take a message?

All right, hold on one second.

Derek, come in for a second.

(Narrator:)
With the Buzz Pen, you’re
never caught off guard.

(Buzzing sound)

All right. Karen, KL56087.

Great. Got it.

Thanks, man!

No problem.

(Laughter)

(Narrator:)
No matter what you
have to remember,

the Buzz Pen’s gliding ball tip
and tungsten blade

guarantee clarity for you
and a smooth stylish cut

your friends will appreciate.

Take a tip from heavyweight
boxer Razor Ruddock.

With the Buzz Pen,
you got a Razor’s edge.

Hey, Derek, you want
to go to a movie?

Wait a minute, let me
check with my man, Razor.

No. It appears that I’m busy.

(Laughter)

(Narrator:)
The Buzz Pen.

You’re Lookin’ Bad
With No Memo Pad.

Always get friend’s consent.

(Applause and cheers)

(Stamping sound)

(Narrator:)
I remember that fateful day
when coach took me aside.

I knew what was coming.

"You don’t have to
tell me," I said.

"I’m off the team, aren’t I?"

"Well", said, coach.

You never were
really on the team.

You made that uniform you’re
wearing out of towels and rags

and your helmet is
a toy space helmet.

You show up at practice and
then either steal the ball...

...and make us chase you
to get it back

or you try to tackle people
at inappropriate times.

(Grunt)

It was all true
what you were saying,

and yet I thought something is
brewing inside the head
of this coach.

He sees something in me;

some kind of raw talent
he can mold.

But that’s when I felt
the handcuffs go on.

(Applause and cheers)

(Music Plays)

It’s been a great evenings
with a lot of fun.

I’ve had a wonderful time.

It’s been a frightening week.
It’s going to be a great Monday.

I want you all to spend
the day on your knees.

I’ve had a wonderful
time with Fishbone here tonight

and a fantastic cast.

Thank you to them all.
Thank you, Lawn Michaels.

Thank you, you, for coming and
give Fishbone

and these whole wonderful casts
and make a good applause.

God bless.

(Applause and Cheers)

(Music playing)