Original subtitles

(Announcer:) Good evening, and welcome again

to "Pumping Up with Hans and Franz,"

the informative training program

for the serious weight lifter.

- Two of them. - All right.

- Welcome. - We’re back.

Alright. Once again, I am Hans.

Yeah, and I am Franz, and we are here to...

- ...pump...you up! - ...pump...you up!

Alright, you know, as you can see we come to you

from just inside the Kuwaiti desert.

Yeah, that’s right.

We have been out of communication

since our radio broke four weeks ago.

But as you can see, our muscles are still intact.

(Audience laugh)

- Alright, alright, alright. - Yeah.

Listen, hear me now; believe me later.

We are tired of waiting for the allies to start the ground war.

So, it is time for us to begin...

- operation... Muscles Tone! - operation... Muscles Tone!

Come on now two Iraqi girly men.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, they should change the name of Iraq to "I am a loser."

That’s right.

Yeah, and Baghdad to "Flabdad."

Alright, alright.

You know, we could very easily take Saddam Hussein by his turban

and yank it so hard he spins around like a top.

So fast the centrifugal force makes his flabby love handles

flatten out like a pizza.

(Audience laugh)

Wooh. Wooh!

You’ve been trying to back us off, Mr. Camel man.

Yeah, yeah, with your skinny camel legs.

You know, spend a few months on the stairmaster,

then we’ll talk.

Yeah, alright.

(Gibberish talking)

Hear me now, believe me later.

(Gibberish talking)

Yeah, that’s right, you know.

(Gibberish talking)

- (Gibberish talking) - (Gibberish talking)

- Kuwait! - Kuwait!

(Gibberish talking)

Oh, the war is over, Franz.

(Camel bellows)

Yeah. Do not be laughing at us, Mr. Camelman.

Yeah, we could-- they’ll usually squeeze our buttocks so hard

your humps would pop like a flabby pimple.

(Audience laugh)

Alright, alright.

Enough pumping of the camel. We are not here to talk.

- We are here to say... - We are here to say...

- "Live from New York, - "Live from New York,

- It’s Saturday... Night!" - It’s Saturday... Night!"

(Music plays)

(Announcer:) It’s Saturday Night Live

with Dana Carvey,

Phil Hartman,

Jan Hooks,

Victoria Jackson,

Dennis Miller,

Mike Myers,

and Kevin Nealon,

with Chris Farley,

Tim Meadows,

Chris Rock,

Julia Sweeney,

and featuring Adam Sandler,

Rob Schneider,

G.E. Smith and the Saturday Night Live Band.

Musical guest, Fishbone

and starring Jeremy Irons.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Irons!

Thank you very much. Thank you.

It’s good to be here.

Well, I must say, this is-- this is for me,

the most eventful week.

Tonight, I’m hosting Saturday Night Live and...

Monday... let me just get this out of the way,

I’ll be at the Academy Awards having the nomination for Best Actor.

(Audience Applause)

Okay, okay, yes.

Alright, alright, alright, alright.

Come on, pull yourselves together.

Now, you see, I know it’s easy to get caught up in-- in-- in

all this competition and that sort of thing,

but it’s not why I’m an actor.

Um, so, for me these last few weeks I’ve made real effort

to keep my mind off it all.

Now, concentrating of course on this show has been very helpful,

and I’ve also immerse myself in some other creative activities.

For example, I-- I tried my hand at woodworking,

which is I find such a release.

And here, recently, I made some candlesticks, and...

(Laughter and applause)

And, here is one that I’m-- I’m quite proud of.

I think, something that will make a nice gift for somebody.

And of course, this candle fits in here which is--

...is really, really very pleasant.

Thank you, Lon.

And also, I’ve-- I’ve...

(Audience Laughter)

Also, I’ve made this coat.

Now, I’ve never designed clothing but I think it’s rather a success.

Don’t you-- I mean, it hangs well.

(Applause and cheers)

It’s-- it’s-- it’s roomy and keeps out the cold,

and it’s been a great diversion Mo-- Mo-- Monday night.

(Laughter)

And of course, painting has always been a distraction.

I recently finished the portrait of my wife,

sadly at home tonight in England and my two sons in our--

...in our rather lovely garden.

And, there...

(Laughter)

I think, I’ve caught them, my family.

Family life, that’s-- I think, for me, really important.

And looking at them, well, God, I’m lucky.

Now, these...

(Laughter)

These-- these tonics, uh-- these hobbies have been a great tonic.

I’d like to share one more with you.

I also dabble in a very small way in songwriting.

And here’s a little gitty that I’ve stayed up a couple of nights working on

that I thought I’d like to share with you.

(Piano playing)

* Darling and I were walking down the lane, *

* eating our Oscar pie. *

* We watched a cricket match beside the Oscar patch *

* under the clear Oscar sky. *

* The way I see it, De Niro is my major competition. *

* Richard Harris... *

Well, it goes on and on like that in a similar way.

(Applause and laughter)

But-- no, no. Come on, because there’s no, no, time.

(Whistling sound)

Let’s get on with the show.

And ladies and gentlemen, Fishbone is here.

We’ll be back later.

(Applause and cheers)

Hey, Zach.

Hi.

Is this your project from Ms. Hanson?

Yup.

Boy, it sure makes mine look pathetic.

Thanks.

I guess your dad helped you with it.

No. I did it all myself on my computer.

You did this dinosaur eating an army man on a computer?

Uhhmm.

And this dive bummer crushing into a volcano?

Computer.

Hey, look what Zach did on his computer.

(Sips)

This explosion, the best I have ever seen.

What else can your computer do?

Visiting the Pubic Library.

Wow. It said public. I changed it.

(Laughter)

You did that on a computer?

Uhhmm.

(Bell ringing)

Got to go.

You know...

My dad got me a computer,

but I can’t do stuff like that.

Me, neither.

Maybe I’m just stupid.

No, we’re not stupid.

Our dad just got us squirmy computers.

We got crummy dads.

(Narrator:) McIntosh Jr., the power to crush the other kids.

(Applause and cheers)

(Music Plays)

(Announcer:) And now, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.

(Narrator:) You know what would make a good story?

Something about a clown who makes people happy,

but inside he’s real sad.

Also, he has severe diarrhea.

(Laughter and applause)

(Announcer:) You are watching Cable 10,

Aurora Illinois Community AccessChannel.

Whew! Wayne’s World. Wayne’s World.

Wayne’s World.

Excellent.

(Cheers and applause)

- Whew! - Whew!

Alright.

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Alright.

Awawaw!

Excellent.

Alright, welcome to Wayne’s World.

Here’s your host, Wayne Campbell.

- Party! - Whoo!

(Applause and cheers)

- Party hardy! - Hardy!

It’s Friday, it’s 10:30, it’s time to party.

I’m your excellent host, Wayne Campbell.

- With me, as always, is Garth. - Party on, Wayne.

- Party on, Garth. - Okay, alright.

(Laughter)

- So, it’s Oscar time, right? - Excellent.

- Yeah, we love the Oscars. - Yeah, they’re excellent.

You know, but I’m sorry, I think the movies this year,

- I think they were lame. - They sucked.

(Laughter)

Sucked rhino.

(Laughter)

Sorry. Okay. Unnecessary zoom!

Wa!

Wa!

Wa!

Okay, alright.

(Applause and cheers)

Excellent.

Alright.

Let’s make our Oscar picks, okay?

* Wayne’s World, Oscar Picks, Friday Time, Excellent! *

(Makes sound)

- Okay, alright. - Alright.

Okay, the first category is Best Supporting Actor.

(Drumming sound)

And the winner is-- excuse me, the Oscar pick goes to, alright,

Joe Pesci, Good Fellas.

- Pesci, what a great name! - Yeah, what?

- Pesci, what a great name! - I know.

We didn’t see Good Fellas, but Pesci is just such an excellent name.

(Laughter)

It’s like, you know, I’m feeling a bit pesci.

You know, I could or could not eat fish, you know,

just pesci, you know. Okay.

Our next category is Best Supporting Actress.

Alright? Alright?

(Drumming sound)

The winner is Joe Pesci again.

(Laughter)

So, we just really like the name.

Pesci. Alright.

Pesci... (makes sound) Pesci...(makes sound)

Okay, the next category is Best Actress.

(Drumming sound)

Okay, Garth, you don’t have to do that every time.

Oh, good. I was starting to hyperventilate.

(Laughter)

And the Oscar pick goes to Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman.

- Ggrrrh! - Rrrh!

(Makes hissing sound)

- Aw! - Whoo!

There’s no contest, man. She’s such a babe.

Shwing!

Shwing!

- Tent pole action, man. - Yeah.

I start-- I start feeling tingly down there.

Shwing!

(Laughter)

Alright.

Okay.

Okay, Best Actor, alright?

And the Oscar pick goes to...

Gérard Depardieu.

- Not! - Not!

(Laughter and applause)

- Shocked? - Alright.

Yeah. He’s scarylooking...

- Whoow! - Whoow!

(Laughter)

He looks like something I ate and dropped.

(Laughter)

You know, sorry. The man’s a beast.

He looks like Ron Perlman, you know.

He’s Perlman-esque. That’s all I can say.

Alright. Now, we’d like to show you the Oscar picks

we made earlier in the day at a separate ceremony.

Costume Design: Avalon.

(Making sound)

(Laughter)

Live Action Short Film: The Lunch Date.

(Laughter)

Documentary Short Subject: Chimps.

So Like Us.

(Laughter)

- Great. Yeah. - Excellent.

- We freeze. - Okay.

Next category is Best Foreign Film,

- and the Oscar pick goes to... - Alright.

They should make this easier to open.

Goes to Ju Dou from The People’s Republic of China.

You know, I’m sorry, but I think that it’s a travesty that

Der Tangospieler was overlooked.

Spieler is about the dismantling of the EastGerman regime.

It was both sublime and achingly poetic.

(Laughter)

Also, there was this German chicken in the flick

who had these humongoid snoobs.

(Laughter)

Monster tatas, man.

Oh, the humanity!

(Laughter)

Moving on in our final category.

(Makes drumming sound)

Best Movie of 1990, and the Oscar pick goes to...

"Dances with Wolves." Alright.

(Laughter)

Dances with Wolves, you know, might win the Academy Award,

and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

(Laughter)

- Alright. - Yeah, that’s it.

Three hours, very boring.

You know, they should-- they should have made it, like,

you know, Dances with Squirrels, with like mental squirrels

biting people’s faces off.

(Laughter)

Okay, Garth, take your riddlin, okay?

(Laughter)

Or they could’ve made it "Dances with foxes", you know,

and made it a Heather Locklear vehicle.

Okay, that’s all the time we have for this week, okay?

Until then, good night.

- Party on, Garth. - Party on, Wayne.

* Wayne’s World. Wayne’s World. Wayne’s World. *

* Excellent. *

(Cheers)

(Music plays)

(Announer:) And now, weekend update with anchorperson Dennis Miller!

(Applause and cheers)

Thank you. Thank you.

(Cheers)

Thank you. Good evening. And what I can tell you?

It was revealed this week the Panamanian General Manuel Noriega

has become a bornagain Christian.

Noriega wrote a note saying, "I found Jesus

in the Metropolitan Correctional Center of Dade Country, Florida."

You know, Manny, I don’t want to burst your bubble babe but,

unfortunately, every other guy in that jail was named Jesus.

(Laughter and applause)

Hussein announced this week that in an effort to go underground

and not be found by anyone, he planned to sign on with Yahoo’s Syria’s talent agency.

(Laughter)

Hey, why don’t we get together and pass some legislation

prohibiting Senator John Warner of Virginia from going over

to the battlefield every two minutes to dawn this bomber jacket

and act like Robert Lansing in Twelve O’Clock High?

Hey, John, it’s over.

Liz Split, she’s not coming back, alright?

Yeah, I like the one in the middle. She’s cute.

(Laughter)

I think I’ll try to make a little eye contact.

(Laughter)

I tell you one thing that stuck in my mind about the liberated Kuwaitis,

how poorly the man dressed over there.

The last time I saw them in their bad sweaters

was the final round of the Bob Hoop desert classic.

The President reviewed a military honor guard

when he arrived in Bermuda this week.

There’s some pretty rigid physical requirements done there in that Bermuda army, huh?

(Laughter)

President Bush also greeted French President François Mitterrand last week.

Mitterrand was accompanied by his eight-foot tall and visible rabbit, righthand man, Harvey.

(Laughter)

Bush attempted to shake hands with Harvey but Harvey insisted

he come out back and meet with his wife, Henrietta.

(Laughter)

In a recent speech, President Bush said,

"Although American courage and resolve were once questionable,

now they are not.

We are a newborn world leader," Bush said.

"My popularity is an all-time high.

I’m invincible. I’m the lizard king.

I can do anything!"

(Applause, cheers, laughter)

I always get so embarrassed when I act. You know...

Razor Ruddock is protesting Referee Richard Steele’s decision to stop his fight

with Mike Tyson in the seventh round last Monday.

Well, Razor is here with us tonight to explain his position.

Let’s hear your side of the story, Razor Ruddock.

(Applause and cheers)

Well, Dennis, it’s just something like this.

When I was in the seventh round...

Okay, thanks Razor. That’s enough time.

No, that’s it. Time out. Out.

Razor Ruddock, ladies and gentlemen.

(Applause)

That’s a good sense of humor. Thanks, Razor.

Richard Steele, the referee of the Mike Tyson-Razor Ruddock bout

the other night was hired this week by the Los Angeles Police Department

to ride around in squad cars with the police

and then stop the fight before it gets out of hand.

In the wake of the LAPD beating on Rodney King this week,

police revealed they have found traces of marijuana and liquor in King’s system.

It’s so wild.

If I’m getting pulled over by the L.A. cops,

I want to have a morphine IV in my arm.

(Laughter and applause)

And...

(Laughter and applause)

And today’s show co-anchor, Deborah Norville was raked over the coals this week

by her superiors for her picture in People Magazine

breastfeeding her child, Nicky.

Some people said they didn’t feel it was appropriate

for newsperson to be seen in such a position.

Oh, yeah, God forbid that somebody in the news department

ever gave a fellow human being something they really need.

(Laughter and applause)

Ooh!

Right in a bull’s...

(Laughter)

Hey, my question is when you get this big,

why do you even wear a belt?

(Laughter)

Here, with some news on the controversy on movie New Jack City

is one of the stars of that movie,

Saturday Night Live is on Chris Rock.

(Cheers and applause)

Thank you, Dennis.

As you know, the movie New Jack City

has been marred by violence.

Well, I just want to say that not one person has been killed

inside a theater.

Sure, one guy got killed outside the theater

but how can you be so sure

it was because of New Jack City?

I mean, it was one of those Cineplex theaters.

How do you know that the guy wasn’t killed because of green card, alright?

Another reason for this socalled violence is that New Jack

is in less theaters than any movie out.

Now, less theaters means less seats.

I don’t care what movie you are.

If you don’t have enough seats for Cocoon 3,

somebody’s gonna get hurt.

(Laughter)

Now, here’s some tips on how to enjoy your evening at New Jack City.

Tip number one, don’t go in the evening.

(Laughter)

There is no law that said you have to see a movie at night.

They show the same movie at 9:00 a.m. that they show at 9:00 p.m.

Tip number two, if you go to get popcorn and come back,

and you seat has been taken, let it slide.

(Laughter and applause)

You don’t have to swear revenge, alright?

Tip three, if you’re in the theater

and shooting does break out, stay low.

You know, don’t get up and say, "People, people, let’s be reasonable!

Finally, when leaving New Jack City,

return to your car in a zigzag fashion.

(Laughter)

All of these will assure you have a good time at the theater.

- Thanks a lot. - Thank you, Chris.

(Applause and Cheer)

Thank you, good job.

Thank you, Chris.

You know, I went to see New Jack City the other night,

and I got a large container buttered crack,

and you know, it was 4.95.

And I’m telling you, if this keeps up,

I’m not gonna be able to go to the movies anymore.

(Laughter)

Yo!

Chrysler unveiled its new dodged yak this week.

(Laughter)

Airbag not included.

Census officials announced that the 1990 census results

will not be ready by the anticipated date.

It seems some joker started yelling at random numbers

when the guy counting is at 300 million and changed,

and he had to start all over again.

Conrad Bank, TV sitcom father or hippie cult leader?

(Laughter)

And...

...the 60Minute star Mike Wallace was outfitted with the new pacemaker this week.

(Clingclang sound) (Laughter)

And this picture of Eartha Kitt appeared this week in the New York post,

Eartha reassured her fans that she’s still receiving residual payments

for posing for the cover of the UFO book Communion.

Guess what folks? That’s news.

(Applause)

(Cheers)

- Nice party, huh? - Yeah, it is.

Hey, yo, where did you guys get those drinks?

- Oh, the bar is there. - Oh, thanks.

Oh, here we go.

What’s it doing by the copy machine?

Tom, Tommy.

Oh, Tom Myster.

Hey, Richard, I’m just getting a refill.

No copies for the Tom man, just getting a refill.

The refillinator.

(Laughter)

Well, I’m gonna head back to the party.

Tom.

See ya.

Tomsky.

(Laughter)

Sandy and Steve.

Oh, Steve-ster, I’m a San-struss.

Hi, Richard.

Hey, Rich, just making some screw drivers.

Captain Steve of the SS Vodka.

Stevie Stolicnaya.

Richard, you did a nice job with the invitations.

Alright.

Sandy liking the copies.

Mademoiselle Sand.

Have you said, you might have drilled yet?

Stevel Ramavich.

It’s so great we’re having a party.

Drew’s such a nice guy.

Yeah, I can’t believe he got transferred to Dallas.

- See you, Rich. - Byebye.

Stevel and Sandy going back to the party.

Tim and Roskie and Lulu.

- Hi, Rich. - Hi, Rich.

Tinanina, Randyraru.

Randytula and his male friend, Ross.

(Laughter)

- How are you doing, Rich? - Alright.

Have a beer, make some copies, having a party.

Hello, Richard. You know my friend, Ross.

Hi, Richard. Nice to see you again.

The Randster and his male friendster whose companion,

compañero.

- Goodbye, Richard. - Bye, Richard.

The Ranman saying goodbye with his life matetorinee.

Hey, Tina, I want to show you something. Get on up here.

No! Aah! Aah!

(Laughter)

- Dino out of control... - Wait.

Playing rough with the copy machine.

Is this safe? Aah!

Hey, Richard, relax. I’m just making some copies.

Security. Secure a room.

Travel on aid, agent row low.

Okay, okay, relax. Let’s get out here.

Hi, Richard, I’m gonna be leaving soon.

I wanted to say goodbye and thank you for the party.

Drew, the drewster.

I’m gonna miss you all very much.

Drew.

Oh, you shouldn’t have.

That’s too much.

No, this is more than I expected.

Oh, Richard, the Xerox Telecopier 7009.

I couldn’t possibly accept this. You need this. Come on.

Got it memorized, Drew.

(Laughter)

Drrrreeewwww.

Now, come on, it’s not as if I’m not gonna see you again.

Barren von Drew, I’m hurt.

I’ll tell you what.

How about I make a copy the cover?

Alright, Drew, making copies.

There we go.

Rich maestro stiky machine still works like a charm.

There she got. Oh, a beautiful copy.

Look at that.

What is it?

Drew’s last copy.

Franklin Drewsvelt.

The Drewbics cube.

(Laughter)

The last Drewbic.

(Applause)

(Music Plays)

Hello, I’m Jeremy Irons.

Do you recognize this music?

Of course.

When one hears it, one sees Elmer Fudd

finally falling to sleep

as his noisy roommate Daffy Duck is finally quieted

by coils of rope and padlocks.

But in fact, it is from one of the world’s most famous pieces

of classical music, Ram’s Lullaby.

(Music playing)

How about this familiar melody?

You probably noticed the music Bugs Bunny plays on the piano

when he tries to hit the mouse...

...running around inside with the little hammers that hit the strings.

But did you know that it was actually Franz Liszt’s immortal

Hungarian Rhapsody?

If, like me, you are one of those whose introduction

to classical music comes from Looney Tunes,

(Laughter)

..you’ll want Looney Tunes Classics.

Here are some of the musical treasures and the wacky memories

that can be yours in this special offer.

You’ll get the overture from Rossini’s "The Barber of Seville,"

(Music Plays)

"The Blue Danube" by Strauss.

* Quackquack, Quackquack. *

* Quackquack, Quackquack. *

* Figaro. *

The-- the-- the Figaro from The Barber by-- by Rossini.

* Figaro one, Figaro lamp, Figaro pot. *

* Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit. *

The Flight from the Valkyries by Wagner.

(Applause and cheers)

The Anvil Chorus that’s hammered out by Verdi.

That’s a joke, son.

(Music Playing)

And the-- the-- the-- the-- that’s not all folks.

For a limited time only, we will include a rare recording

of Daffy Duck singing the only known lyrics

to the William Tell overture.

(fast singing)

(Applause)

So, order your Looney Tunes Classics by dialing this number

and have your Visa card ready.

But pardon me, I’ve got to get back to Wagner’s "Die Walkure"

from the Ring Circle.

* And kill the wabbit! *

* Kill the wabbit! *

(Applause and cheers)

* You know, when I get dabbling, I’m going to have a hug bear *

* and a colt by it. *

* Not me. *

* I’m getting me a clean shave and a dirty woman. *

(Laughter)

* I spend the whole day in the saddle *

* and I sleep out on the dirt, *

* but that is what’s expected of a cowboy. *

* I organize the cattle and I never change my shots. *

* That is the job description of a cowboy. *

* On the weekends, I buy whiskey then I drink my chloroform, *

* ride into town and do things *

* that I’m sure are barely lawful. *

* Like, fighting the person I dislike *

* and beat him bloody awful, *

* but that is what one does when one’s a cowboy. *

(Laughter)

(Harmonica playing)

* We wag our guns above our heads *

* and shout "Ti Yippe Yo." *

* That’s how one entertains when one’s a cowboy. *

(Laughter)

* We drive the cattle forward *

* till the foreman calls out, "Whoo!" *

* One’s obliged to take instructions as a cowboy. *

* At the Trails End you seek solace *

* with the girl of easy virtue... *

* And when your money’s run out, *

* she will readily desert you. *

* But then you drink some more *

* until the wounds no longer hurt you, *

* But that’s how one survives when one’s a cowboy. *

* At first glance, it would seem *

* this life is rough and tumble fun, *

* but there’re no men surrounding the camp fire *

* when the day’s work has been done. *

* And the conversations held there, *

* are heartfelt and sincere, *

* the subject of this fireside saturnalia *

* is the catalogue of female genitalia. *

(Laughter)

And I need to make it positively and absolutely clear

that I am as equally attracted to the gentle sex

as the next man, but...

* It’s at this point that I question my career. *

* Oh, the trail meets the horizon *

* where sky looks like the plain *

* which leaves you lots of time to be a cowboy. *

* And should the cattle misbehave,*

* we’ll call them funny names. *

* See, that’s how mindless we’ve become as cowboys. *

* Though most of us can’t read or write, *

* the lessons are abundant, *

* to realize your sense of worth, *

* it doesn’t take a pundit. *

* For life behind the bovine herd is little but redundant. *

* Oh, God, it can’t be true. *

* I am a cowboy. *

(Applause and cheers)

(Music Plays)

(Announcer:) And now, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.

(Narrator:) Sometimes, when I feel like killing someone,

I do a little trick to calm myself down.

I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell.

When the person comes to the door, I’m gone,

but you know what I’ve left on the porch?

A jackolantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head

with a note that says, "You."

After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

(Laughter and applause)

(Music plays)

(Narrator:) You’re a busy person and every

you don’t need the headache of trying to find a pencil and paper.

Well, now, you don’t have to.

Thanks to the Buzz Pen,

the handy way to stay organized.

I’m sorry, Tom is away for a weekend.

Can I take a message?

All right, hold on one second.

Derek, come in for a second.

(Narrator:) With the Buzz Pen, you’re never caught off guard.

(Buzzing sound)

All right. Karen, KL56087.

Great. Got it.

Thanks, man!

No problem.

(Laughter)

(Narrator:) No matter what you have to remember,

the Buzz Pen’s gliding ball tip and tungsten blade

guarantee clarity for you and a smooth stylish cut

your friends will appreciate.

Take a tip from heavyweight boxer Razor Ruddock.

With the Buzz Pen, you got a Razor’s edge.

Hey, Derek, you want to go to a movie?

Wait a minute, let me check with my man, Razor.

No. It appears that I’m busy.

(Laughter)

(Narrator:) The Buzz Pen.

You’re Lookin’ Bad With No Memo Pad.

Always get friend’s consent.

(Applause and cheers)

(Stamping sound)

(Narrator:) I remember that fateful day when coach took me aside.

I knew what was coming.

"You don’t have to tell me," I said.

"I’m off the team, aren’t I?"

"Well", said, coach.

You never were really on the team.

You made that uniform you’re wearing out of towels and rags

and your helmet is a toy space helmet.

You show up at practice and then either steal the ball...

...and make us chase you to get it back

or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.

(Grunt)

It was all true what you were saying,

and yet I thought something is brewing inside the head of this coach.

He sees something in me;

some kind of raw talent he can mold.

But that’s when I felt the handcuffs go on.

(Applause and cheers)

(Music Plays)

It’s been a great evenings with a lot of fun.

I’ve had a wonderful time.

It’s been a frightening week. It’s going to be a great Monday.

I want you all to spend the day on your knees.

I’ve had a wonderful time with Fishbone here tonight

and a fantastic cast.

Thank you to them all. Thank you, Lawn Michaels.

Thank you, you, for coming and give Fishbone

and these whole wonderful casts and make a good applause.

God bless.

(Applause and Cheers)

(Music playing)