Original subtitles

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

ONE YEAR AGO

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing.

We can just talk… about anything you want.

Like what?

Anything. Whatever's on your mind.

Let's just talk.

Until…?

Sorry?

Well, I have to pick up my niece from school.

Does the 12 go by here?

The 12?

Oh, the bus.

I really don't know.

But there's a bus that stops right outside the building.

I know. I came here on that one.

But I forgot to check, so if the 12 doesn't go that way…

There's still more than a half an hour left in our session.

So, we have time to talk, if you want.

About what?

Anything you might have on your mind. Anything you'd like to share with me.

No, Doctor Nuray, who saw me before, the woman doctor,

down in the emergency room…

She said that all my tests were fine, so she made me come up to this,

to your office, so that's…

why I'm here.

Well, I'm glad… she did.

Yeah.

Meryem…

That's very pretty.

Thanks. It's the name of Jesus's mother.

Means "holy person."

Well, it's a lovely name.

Thank you.

Well, I could always take a minibus, I suppose.

What was your visit to the emergency room all about, Meryem?

Were you sick?

It was my fainting, mostly.

Can you tell me about it?

Well, I faint sometimes.

When?

It was the day of our aunt's wedding, and I was watching my brother's children.

That's when it first happened.

When was this?

Right after the Eid holiday.

Last year?

Oh, this year, too,

at our neighbor's downstairs.

And once when I was sitting at home watching TV.

You remember what you were watching?

Esra Erol. Are you familiar with it?

The wedding program. Is that right?

I really like her a lot. She's just had a baby.

Praise Allah.

She's a very beautiful lady, I think.

Motherhood makes you even more beautiful.

You, I have to say,

have also been blessed with great beauty.

What I wouldn't give to have your color of eyes!

Thank you very much.

You're very pretty, too.

Thanks, sweetheart.

Do you recall what they were testing you for downstairs, Meryem?

Honestly, a lot of things.

But they never found anything.

First, another hospital, where someone looked at me.

And the doctors there were the ones who sent me to Doctor Nuray.

Sent both of us, because my neighbor, Sadiye, had come along with me.

So, we came to this hospital, where I was told to see Doctor Peri upstairs.

I mean, see you… upstairs.

But no one found anything like that wrong with me, praise Allah.

Anything like what?

You know, depression.

Like what?

Well, like depression.

Eh, the neighbor I mentioned, Sadiye, she went…

She went to see somebody like you for a while and cost her a lot of money.

Poor thing. She went a little crazy when her… when her husband died.

Mustafa's her husband.

Or he was. He and my brother were very close.

My brother and he worked together at the industrial park near the airport.

You know the one I mean?

Well, my brother had a workshop and they built things like stands there.

You know, like, for, conventions.

Or fairs.

Your brother's a carpenter?

No, a commander.

Is he?

He was when he served in the military. He was stationed at Erciş.

And when he got out, he worked with Mustafa,

until Mustafa died, that is.

My brother… He sort of fell apart when that happened.

He lost the workshop.

Fortunately, we had the house our grandfather left to us.

It's not big, but you know…

There's room for all of us.

Then someone he knew from the military luckily came along

and told him he could get him a job.

There's a night club called Open in Etiler,

even though, from the side, it looks more like Up, really.

So, my brother got a job there,

working the door,

which means he has to work all night.

And that's difficult when you've got two kids and a wife.

And his wife… She's sick.

Anyway, sometimes he tells me about all the crazy things he's seen people do...

So, this Şadiye, this neighbor of yours…

She's been to see a therapist.

Is that right?

Yes, she's the one who told me to try it.

She said it did her good, so I asked the Hodja…

Hodja?

Oh, he's our teacher and mentor.

May God protect him. He's a very wise man.

So, of course I went to him.

I said, "Hodja, seeing a psychologist in Islam…

is it allowed?"

His reply to me was this…

"My daughter, you can do it once,

then come to me and tell me, word-for-word, all that was said.

I will tell you then whether it's acceptable or not."

He's descended from the Prophet himself. At least that's what everyone says.

He swears it isn't true, but…

Do you work, Meryem?

Well, I used to work in a garment shop.

Not anymore?

That's the way Mr. Sinan makes his coffee, too.

Two fingers of coffee and pour the water just to the line. I know.

But the first couple of times, I was using boiling water.

And he said, "Meryem, let it cool off a little.

Once it's finished boiling, give it a minute before pouring it in."

So, that's what I do now.

Who is Mr. Sinan?

Would you mind if I opened up a window? It's feeling a little warm in here.

Of course not. Go right ahead.

Are you doing any kind of work now?

I'm a cleaning woman.

Right now, with three clients.

Monday, Tuesday and Friday.

The rest of the time,

I take care of my sister-in-law, who isn't well.

What's her illness?

We don't know.

No one does. She's tired. Always tired.

She can't really do any of the housework.

She's in bed all morning and most of the afternoon.

Our Hodja has done what he can to help.

And my brother gets her herbs and things from the herbalist,

but no matter what we try, nothing seems to work.

Has she ever seen a doctor?

No doctor could help with this.

It all began when my brother was out of work.

It's like she just kind of gave up.

Our Hodja told us it wasn't something a doctor could do anything about.

Oh, and she smokes,

and in the house,

right in front of us.

Hodja said if she would just stop the smoking, she might get well.

And have you ever talked with your Hodja about your fainting spells, Meryem?

Oh, of course I did.

I went to him first.

When I fainted at the neighbor's downstairs,

I told you about that.

Hodja told my brother to take me to the doctor's, so that's what we did.

We went down to the clinic.

This Mr. Sinan you mentioned earlier, Meryem…

would you mind telling me a little more about him?

Did you say the 12 bus stops here? I can't remember.

No, I wouldn't know if it does, but it could.

Check when you go out,

or, like you said, a minibus is always an option.

You can catch one on the lower road.

That's what I'll probably do.

Though my brother… he would get mad if I…

Not mad, but he doesn't really like it when I…

when I take the minibus.

So, you don't want the water boiling when you pour it over the coffee?

That's something I never knew.

It burns the coffee.

Hmm. I'll be more careful from now on.

Turkish is the best. The best coffee, of course it is.

And not to brag, but I make it really well.

My sister-in-law, when she makes coffee, it's cold and there's no foam on it.

When she's not looking,

my brother tells me to dump it out and make him a real coffee.

Hers is all right. It's not terrible.

But it's cold.

And there's no foam on it,

everyone knows there should be foam on it.

The foam on top… that's the whole thing.

I'd love to make one for Mr. Sinan, but he's never asked me.

Do you know what time it is? My phone is off and I don't want to be…

late picking up my niece from school, so she's left standing all alone.

We still have some time left today, Meryem,

but you're free to go if you want to leave early.

We can pick it up in our next session.

Our next session?

Next Tuesday, if that works well for you.

Now, I don't see the need to put you on any medications,

but I'd like you to continue therapy.

We can do same time every Tuesday. Does that sound good?

Oh, I don't know.

I wouldn't be able to promise. It's all in the hands of fate, you see.

I assume you want to talk it over with your Hodja first, of course.

Yes, I want to talk to him.

But I am wondering…

Of course you know best and I want you to be comfortable…

but I do have one request to make.

Yes, of course. What is it that you want?

When you see your Hodja…

I've questioned you about this Mr. Sinan…

I sense it's an issue… you'd rather not discuss.

And you don't have to.

There isn't a hurry.

That's why I really hope you'll come back next week.

But I'd rather you…

didn't discuss this issue with your Hodja before we meet again.

What do you think?

Issue?

I'm asking that you not tell the Hodja about Mr. Sinan.

As I said, there's no rush.

Whenever you feel you're…

ready to talk, I'll listen.

Yeah? Sound good?

You… uh…

misunderstood something I said, I think.

I was just talking about coffee, that's all.

Why would I want to tell the Hodja? There's nothing to tell him.

Honest, there isn't.

Do you know Mr. Sinan well, Meryem?

Of course, I have to know him.

I make his bed, iron his shirts… I even wash all his underwear.

Not like those women.

They don't even clear their plates.

There was one of them, just last week…

As God as my witness, this is true.

She went home without underwear.

She had left her underwear under the bed.

Now what in God's name is that? Can you tell me?

I'm just an ignorant girl. I didn't go to college.

We're from a small village. We didn't grow up in the big city.

You're the one who knows things.

What kind of a woman does that? What kind of person?

Believe me, I can decide what to talk to Hodja about on my own.

You don't have to worry about that.

So, I mentioned Sinan. So what?

You just keep pushing on it.

I told you I'm already going to be late picking up my niece.

And you keep asking the same silly question,

pretending like we're friends or something.

I came up here to get better, not to sit around and trade gossip.

How much do I owe you?

- Okay. - Thank you.

I'll have a Turkish coffee. No sugar.

- Esma! Wash up first. - Come on, Auntie.

I swear I'll tell your father.

Come on, sweetie.

Go and wash your hands. Then you can watch TV.

Gülbin…

Wait until your mom's finished praying, then tell her I've gone out.

- Where are you going? - I'll be right back.

Tell your brother to come home now.

I'm leaving.

I didn't handle it well.

And of course something like this would have to happen today of all days,

when I'm coming to see you.

First session?

Yes.

She looked so scared.

And she kept looking at the…

wall, ceiling, me…

observing…

without saying a word for 20 minutes.

Then what?

It started to come out, bit by bit.

She told me about this man.

She works as a housekeeper for him, but you know, the thing is…

it's so obvious she's hopelessly in love with him.

Histrionic conversion.

Classic case.

Kept changing the subject,

dodged every question I asked…

And then she scolded me and walked out.

How do you feel?

What do you think?

Like shit.

What disturbed you the most about it?

I suppose it was the Hodja.

She said she must report to her Hodja everything we talk about.

What can we do?

So, that's the situation. And I wanted to come get your advice.

Come with me.

CHARITY COLLECTION BOX

Look at the beauty of this flower, Meryem.

See how well it was manufactured?

It looks like it came fresh out of the ground.

There's even a raindrop on the petal.

Praise God, Hodja.

It comes from Taiwan.

It would take you an entire day to get there on a plane.

You'd pray five times on that journey.

This flower has traveled all the way from a factory in Taiwan,

just to get to our little vase.

Yes, Hodja.

Take it in your hand.

Try pulling off one of the petals.

Go on, try.

It won't come off, Hodja.

It won't, will it? And how does it smell?

It doesn't smell at all.

Come with me, Meryem.

And take the flower.

She's so articulate

and she's clearly very smart.

And her face…

It's like… a young girl's in a painting from the Renaissance.

But I…

I can't do it.

I listen to her talking.

This young girl…

And there's something that keeps building up inside me…

What?

Anger.

Anger.

Anger.

Saying it out loud,

my heart…

It's something…

that's always there, just under the surface.

I wish it wasn't there, but it is.

Even right now,

it's just there, no matter what I do.

I can't get rid of it.

Anytime a woman with her head covered comes to see me,

I say to myself, "You're a professional.

Don't overreact here.

What you're feeling, it's prejudice.

Pure prejudice.

You're otherizing her.

What the hell's wrong with you? Have you gone completely crazy?

Really, Peri!

It's wrong for so many reasons. Professionally, obviously, but…

It's wrong personally, too.

It just means…

you're a thoughtless, insensitive and totally self-absorbed bigot.

You should quit. I mean, come on!

If you have issues, you owe it to your patients to deal with them.

So then, quit it, right?"

No. I can't stop myself, Gülbin.

These thoughts of…

them floating around…

going around and around inside my head ever since…

I was a kid.

Of course, it's because of what I saw in my parents.

Every summer, it was off to London, off to Paris.

To my mother, a woman…

with a headscarf, was like a monster.

She even nagged our cleaning woman about her headscarf.

So, I graduate,

I go study in America for a few years and then when…

when I come home…

…the world is different.

Now they are in charge.

It's they who are the majority.

Right now, in this country, you and I, we're out there, all on our own.

Now take this in your other hand, Meryem.

Go on and smell it.

It smells good, Hodja.

Pull off a petal.

- Oh, it's so nice, Hodja. I don't want... - Try and pull a petal off. Go on.

This is the world you see in movies and TV.

This is the world as God created it.

It fades and it decays.

It smells nice. But it also has thorns.

Break it,

and it can't be repaired.

It withers. It rots.

If you cut it from its stem, you offend it.

And if you caress it too hard, you crush it.

We're all like this flower, my child.

All of us.

You, Meryem, me, Yasin and his wife,

we come from the earth and we return to it, just like the flower.

Those who accept this will live like this blessed flower.

They will know what it is to be humble. They will wither, they will decay.

But those who are deceived by this,

believing they've created a heaven on this Earth,

they shall never get to heaven at all.

Your brother's wife,

she's been deceived by the flower that never withers or fades.

She's come to believe those raindrops are real ones.

Mom.

Come here, sweetie.

Come.

My sweet girl.

Where is your brother?

Hmm?

Where is he?

Sweetie?

Where is he?

Where's your brother?

Hmm?

- Here, take these. - Shall I…?

Leave those there.

- You can take those with you. - They're very beautiful.

Get them in a vase, so they won't dry out.

Then you can put in one of those tablets

that are supposed to make the flowers last longer.

They're so beautiful.

Praise God a thousand times for you, Hodja.

May he always keep you by our side.

And you, child.

Amen. Hodja, I'd really better be going.

My brother's children are alone with his wife so I should get back.

- Have a blessed day. - And you, child.

Meryem.

Yes, Hodja?

Weren't you going to see a psychologist?

It hasn't happened yet. I'll tell you about it when I do, Hodja.

All right, then. God willing.

Why do they fall for these holy men and hodjas?

All these tender, young girls.

Her brother is a tyrant who won't leave her alone.

And that's an ambivalent situation there.

All these girls nowadays with their praying and holy men,

it's impossible for us to understand.

I mean, you and I are living in a whole different world than they are.

Look, last year, Elif and I

traveled to Peru, the other side of the world.

And honestly,

I didn't even speak the language and I still felt more at home…

there.

Elif found this shaman.

You know, she's into all that ayahuasca stuff.

I didn't join, but I wanted to.

My God!

You've absolutely got to go there someday, Gülbin.

The beauty of the place!

It's an incredible culture!

God, it was… like a dream.

Just…

like a dream. I loved it there.8

Hm.

You said that they're in charge.

What did you mean?

Who is in charge?

In charge of what?

I'd really like us to explore that for a second, if we could.

Okay with you?

Oh, can we not?

We both know I'm…

guilty of countertransference.

It's probably best if I stop seeing her.

She's not likely to come back anyway.

Sounds that way.

Right?

Well, she's got her Hodja.

Go on

I don't know about her Hodja, but it seems to me

you are doing everything you could to discourage her from coming again.

Are you?

Can we drop this topic? Is that okay?

Okay.

Sure.

Got anyone after me?

Uh, yes, I usually do, but she canceled.

Okay, so are you free, then? Do you wanna get a bite to eat?

No, I'm meeting my sister. Sorry.

Maybe next week?

Sure, next week. Okay.

I'll be on my way, then.

Have a good week.

You too.

So then, shall I put you down for the same time next week?

Yeah, that's right.

Gülbin said her next patient canceled,

- but I see she's here. - Oh, that's not a patient.

That's her sister.

And 25 million euros.

That is quite a bunch they paid for.

Now they still have their backup forward,

one of the names who played for the championship last year.

But it looks like their third forward, Scott Hallan,

might be leaving the team.

Yep. Rumor is he's in talks with Scott City.

Oh, in any case, no...

That was interesting.

For who?

What?

Interesting for who? What makes you think I was interested?

- I'll switch the station, then. - Just leave it off, Civan.

Sorry! God.

Huh?

- Nothing. Just drop it. - What is it, Civan?

It was nothing.

- How about we drop it? - No, go ahead. Now I'm interested.

Forget about it, honey. It's not worth repeating anyway.

It was just nothing. You're upset with me.

So, I'll just be quiet, then. No problem. I won't make a peep.

So, did you talk to Gülbin?

Gülan?

I don't think I'll have a drink.

You'll be up all night.

I should just have some tea, then.

You still upset?

About that patient?

You should get some sleep. I'm not staying over.

You guys and your shit.

Our what?

I just mean, you and your patients.

You should turn in.

Eventually.

It's about the headscarves.

She's the one with a bag over her head.

And she knows it, too.

That's the worst of it.

She's aware of what she's doing, but…

She'll discuss it just long enough to…

free herself from guilt

and declare the subject closed.

It's so typical…

Then, she wanted to talk about Peruvian shamans.

You sure you won't stay?

I'm sure.

I want to wake up at my place.

Hmm?

Do you want me to?

- Hmm. - Hmm.

Hmm.

Someone's here.

Wake up. Someone just came in.

Oh.

It's Wednesday, isn't it?

Who is it?

Good morning, Meryem.

Morning, Mr. Sinan.

- Do you need to start in the bathroom? - I can start here. It's fine.

Oh, and…

I have a guest, so could you make some coffee?

Yes, of course, Mr. Sinan.

Thanks.

Subtitle translation by Hilal Ebru Yakar