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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:03,137
Last check, girl.
2
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,506
And my boyfriend Bobby
will be here soon.
3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,175
He's sleeping over again.
4
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,809
My boyfriend, Bobby, I mean.
5
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,712
You know that cute guy
Bobby, my boyfriend?
6
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,382
Oh, I know your
boyfriend Bobby.
7
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:18,419
You name-drop him like you're
Gayle and he's Oprah.
8
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,454
Why don't you ever
stay at Bobby's?
9
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:22,390
His place can't be
worse than ours.
10
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:25,193
Unless he's what's
living in our wall.
11
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:28,262
No, that's definitely a woman
sobbing in there.
12
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,563
And I can't stay at Bobby's
13
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,465
'cause he lives at home
with his family.
14
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,134
I didn't know Bobby
lived at home.
15
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,735
(sighs) Wish I could
move back home.
16
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,537
They don't make
Pontiacs anymore.
17
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,174
The famous Bobby
lives at home?
18
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:43,177
Sounds like you landed
a real winner.
19
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,446
Actually, Han, Bobby
only moved back home
20
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,082
because his dad died last year.
21
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:51,519
H-E-double hockey sticks!
22
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,155
The one guy I take
a shot at, ever,
23
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,790
and he's the freakin'
Orphan Annie!
24
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,227
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
25
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,828
(cash register bell dings)
26
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:04,565
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
27
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,603
Hey, I'm Bobby.
28
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,572
I'm looking for my
girlfriend Caroline.
29
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,707
You know that cute girl,
Caroline?
30
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,743
My girlfriend.
31
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,580
Bobby. Now, where have I
heard that name before?
32
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:24,652
Bobby, my boyfriend, stop.
33
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,254
Hey, before I forget.
34
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,122
My mom is throwing
a party tomorrow--
35
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,590
-Shhh!
-Are you crazy?
36
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:36,130
Bobby, never discuss
a party in the diner.
37
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,665
If the people we work with,
38
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:42,303
and I'm using "people" in
the loosest sense possible--
39
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:47,308
if they hear about a party,
they'll come to it!
40
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,478
We had to learn Navajo
41
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,413
just so we could talk
about our weekend plans
42
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,348
without them overhearing.
43
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:57,351
And then they learned Navajo.
44
00:01:57,385 --> 00:02:01,522
Now it makes sense that Earl
asked me for wampum yesterday.
45
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:05,326
Okay, so my mom is throwing this
party at our house tomorrow.
46
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,594
You want to meet my family?
47
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,463
-(gasps)
-I'd love to meet them!
48
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:12,666
Especially your mom.
49
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,769
It goes without saying,
but she's gonna love me.
50
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:19,873
Why? Does she love people who
spit a little when they talk?
51
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,342
I don't spit when I talk.
52
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,744
Nope, I saw it that time.
53
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:24,778
But that's okay.
54
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,247
Moms love me almost as much
55
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,482
as truckers love Max.
56
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:32,186
You model for one mud flap,
you're made for life.
57
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,421
You're coming too,
right, Max?
58
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:34,755
My whole family's
gonna be there.
59
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,724
Caroline's whole family
should be there, too.
60
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,760
Aww, that's so sweet.
61
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,362
Sounds good.
62
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:44,498
What time should I bring
the sacrificial raccoon?
63
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,503
Oh, is it not a birthday?
64
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:52,206
You could hear from back there?
65
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,276
And through the wall
in my office.
66
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,311
Can't wait for the party.
67
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,213
Can I bring a Jell-O dessert?
68
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:01,749
I have a new Pikachu mold
I've been dying to try out.
69
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:05,686
Is it the same Pikachu mold
that you came out of?
70
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:09,323
Ah, so, about this party
we're all invited to,
71
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,826
is it open bar, or do we have to
go through the cabinets again?
72
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:18,966
So what kind of perfume
does your mom wear?
73
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,434
I need to know for
when I tell her
74
00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:21,635
I've always loved it
75
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,337
and can't believe
she wears it too.
76
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,306
I don't know, but please
don't wear it
77
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,375
if you ever want to have
sex with me again.
78
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,410
(laughs)
79
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,612
Oh, uh, one more thing.
80
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,581
Don't tell her that I
spent the night here.
81
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,449
She thinks I stayed
at my friend Brian's.
82
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:36,617
She's kind of old-fashioned.
83
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,252
Can't be that old-fashioned.
84
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:41,455
She's cool with you sleeping
with your friend Brian.
85
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:42,690
All right, I'll see you later.
86
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,991
I got to go help my mom
set up for the party.
87
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,727
Uh, if I'm coming off
as too much of a bad boy,
88
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,262
I can tone it down.
89
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,397
(chuckles)
90
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:57,338
I'll be sure to do
cheek kisses at your house.
91
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,013
So!
92
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,648
Is there gonna be weed
at this party,
93
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,817
or can I make some
money selling?
94
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,552
Max, it is really
important to me
95
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,786
that Bobby's mom likes me,
96
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,988
which is why I hid your weed
97
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,925
and bought her
a lovely gift to bring.
98
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:21,729
In lieu of gifts, I always
just wear a low-cut shirt.
99
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,797
But I see why you had
to buy something.
100
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,901
Look.
(thick accent) Macaron.
101
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,503
(knocking at door)
102
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,839
Uh, you're maca-wrong,
103
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,941
'cause those are macaroons.
104
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,676
And I think I maca-ruined them
105
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:36,844
when I ate the filling
out of 'em.
106
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:45,353
Wait, you're going to Bobby's
mom's party dressed like that?
107
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:49,690
Are you aware your husband
is dressed for a canoe trip?
108
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,091
I Google Earth-ed the house.
109
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,494
There's a pool at
the house next door.
110
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:57,030
And a short fence.
111
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,667
Actually, the party
was canceled.
112
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,101
I'm so sorry.
113
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,870
You'll have to meet
Bobby's family
114
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,705
sometime never on.
115
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,674
Yep, party canceled.
116
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,041
There was a sinkhole.
117
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,843
Uh, still haven't
found the house.
118
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,779
Everyone's dead.
119
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,814
That's horrible.
120
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,550
I pre-paid a sitter.
121
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:19,853
Oh, I guess we'll just
hang out here then.
122
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,689
And since there's no pool--
123
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,424
Ahh! Okay!
Okay, fine!
124
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,992
The party's not canceled.
There's no sinkhole.
125
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,094
No one's dead.
Come at 4:00.
126
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,897
Just please don't embarrass me.
127
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:33,567
Uh, I think that was
directed at you, Max.
128
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,937
Awkward.
129
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:41,409
(upbeat music)
130
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,976
(doorbell rings)
131
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,546
-Hey.
-Hi.
132
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,381
We're here early,
'cause moms love promptness,
133
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:51,018
and our Uber driver was on
the front end of a police chase.
134
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,754
You're gonna nail it.
My mom's favorite show's "Cops."
135
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,023
Oh, I'm a series regular.
136
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,626
Oh, nice staircase.
137
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,961
You get along with the folks
that live up there?
138
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,863
Uh, sometimes.
139
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,932
Depends how my sisters
are feeling,
140
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,567
'cause that is still
part of the house.
141
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,537
(gasps)
142
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,905
Wow!
143
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,607
You didn't tell us you
lived in a castle.
144
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:16,577
(exclaims) Look at the TV
and chairs!
145
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:17,978
You guys must've
gotten this stuff
146
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,714
right after they laid it out
on the curb.
147
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:24,652
Bobby, I found the program
from your sixth grade play.
148
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,654
You were so good.
149
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,589
Like Leonardo DiCaprio.
150
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,757
Only not bloated.
151
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,124
[sighs]
152
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:34,495
Ma, I played a tree,
and I still got booed.
153
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:35,896
Sorry, she likes
to brag about me.
154
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,030
This is my mom.
155
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,699
Hi, Bobby's mom.
I'm Max.
156
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,801
May I say you have
a beautiful house?
157
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:44,938
And that's high praise,
'cause I've been in five.
158
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,206
And I'm Caroline.
159
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,875
Oh, that scent you're wearing
160
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,176
is my all-time favorite.
161
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,011
I sat on a deviled egg.
162
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,916
I hope you like macaron.
163
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,018
You don't think I
have enough food?
164
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:03,924
(chuckles)
I know this sounds insane,
165
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:07,661
but I don't know
if she love-love-loved me.
166
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,930
Don't worry--she takes
a little time to warm up,
167
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,164
but when she does,
168
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,834
you'll only notice
a little difference.
169
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,770
Uh, Bobby--question.
170
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:21,174
How did you get Queen Elizabeth
to sell you her throne?
171
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,847
Bobby, you only invited girls?
172
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,717
You knew I wanted
a sausage-fest.
173
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,552
I did bring macaron.
174
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,854
You must be Bobby's
sister, Denise.
175
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,255
I'm Caroline.
176
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:39,793
I'm Max, and I should have
worn a diaper here.
177
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:43,030
Seriously, Bobby, if you
never invite any guys over,
178
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,131
how am I gonna find one?
179
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,699
Ma cancelled my
Match.com account.
180
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:48,068
TERESA: I'm not paying
$9.99 a month
181
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,170
for you to be a slut!
182
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:53,073
Ma! Stay out of my business!
183
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:56,143
You treat me like
I'm still in my 30s!
184
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,579
Well, if there aren't
gonna be any guys here,
185
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:01,181
I'm gonna go smoke a J
and do my jigsaw.
186
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:06,219
Definitely popping by
Denise's room later.
187
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,921
Bobby, I can't explain it,
188
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:11,091
but somehow, when you stock
the Tab in the garage fridge,
189
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,760
it just tastes better.
190
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,094
Garage fridge?
191
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,163
How rich are you people?
192
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,732
You know who loved
an ice-cold Tab?
193
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,200
Jessica.
194
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,702
Ma! Really?
195
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,605
I specifically asked you
not to bring up Jessica.
196
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,874
Oops.
197
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,075
Who's Jessica?
198
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,309
She's my ex.
199
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,545
We stopped dating
over a year ago.
200
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:32,546
Dating?
201
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:35,082
You were engaged
to be engaged!
202
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:38,251
I'm sitting,
but I'm lying down.
203
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,157
She was the only girl
I ever thought
204
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,026
was good enough for my Bobby.
205
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,695
No offense, hon,
but look at her.
206
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:51,164
With that face, she could've
been a dental hygienist.
207
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,766
She's on your wall?
208
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,136
Only to cover a hole that
Denise punched in it...
209
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,938
when I broke up
with Jessica.
210
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,207
CHRISSY:
Did someone say Jessica?
211
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,042
Who is that?
212
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,611
And please don't say Jessica.
213
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,679
That--that's my other
sister, Chrissy.
214
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,581
She doesn't come out
of her room these days.
215
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:10,818
-She's still in mourning.
-Oh, over your dad?
216
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:11,919
Over Jessica.
217
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,154
She hasn't come out of her room
since they broke up.
218
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:18,558
And she was this close to
assistant manager at TCBY.
219
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,732
I'm over Jessica.
My family less so.
220
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,303
Oh, my God!
221
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,340
This chair has another chair
just for your feet!
222
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,914
Bobby, why didn't you
tell me about Jessica?
223
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:44,785
I told you about my father
being in prison.
224
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,353
No, you didn't.
225
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,289
My father's in prison.
226
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,324
Jessica's not important to me.
227
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:54,261
I think about her so little,
she might as well be AOL.
228
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,329
I'm on AOL.
229
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,799
Oh, my God, we know
nothing about each other.
230
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:02,035
Bobby, did you stock
the kitchen fridge, too?
231
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,971
'Cause I'm getting that
crisp, clean, bottle taste
232
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,372
from a can here.
233
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:08,408
I took my shoes off.
Hope that's okay.
234
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,344
Bobby, stop standing there
staring at Jessica.
235
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,046
Give someone else a turn.
236
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,682
I'm doing a load.
237
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,616
Go up to your room
and get your dirties.
238
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,386
I--I have to give 'em to her.
239
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:20,788
Otherwise she's gonna
go through my stuff,
240
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,089
and I have a check
from my grandpa
241
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,058
I don't want her to know about.
242
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,027
Chrissy!
I'm doing a wash!
243
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:33,133
CHRISSY: And fold everything
in threes this time, Ma!
244
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,435
The way Jessica used to!
245
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,071
I'll try, but I'm not perfect.
246
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,173
That was Jessica's thing.
247
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,742
CHRISSY: Got that right, Ma!
248
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,746
The woman was without flaws!
249
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,214
[grunts]
250
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,882
You might want
to wash that alone.
251
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,685
Believe it or not,
it's a white.
252
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,420
Max, what are you doing?
253
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,055
Relax, I have
the other one on.
254
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,323
No one's gonna get hurt.
255
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,958
I just need to stay calm
256
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,460
and figure out a way to win
Bobby's mother over.
257
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,062
I have to!
I have to!
258
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,197
You trying to get some
of that sweet, sweet
259
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,198
grandpa-check money?
260
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:06,734
(doorbell rings)
261
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,302
CHRISSY: Somebody get
the frickin' door!
262
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,338
Uh, I'll get the frickin' door.
263
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,372
No, no, no, no, no.
264
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,207
I have to win these people over.
265
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,409
I freaking got it, Chrissy.
266
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,415
Oh, great.
This should help.
267
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:29,957
(snoring)
268
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,825
Earl's got five more minutes
in that chair.
269
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,827
I'll bounce an old man.
270
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:37,064
Whose turn is it to see
if he's breathing?
271
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,833
-(snoring)
HAN: Oh, no, he's okay.
272
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:42,102
He's just having
a running dream.
273
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:45,105
You'll get that squirrel, buddy.
274
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,107
Well, clock's ticking.
275
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,809
Look, elephant in the room,
276
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:52,312
but I got to see what porno
looks like on that screen.
277
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:53,513
Oh, yeah, look.
278
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,851
I brought "Manchester
by the Double D's."
279
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,419
You see why we had
to learn Navajo?
280
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,222
It's all fine.
My mother loves having company.
281
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,492
Oh, not kidding; they're really
going to watch it
282
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,294
It doesn't fit.
283
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:10,230
Heh, if I had a nickel for
every time I've said that.
284
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,033
Yeah, he's got that right.
285
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,304
Bobby, I told you.
286
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,939
You can't leave
the front door open.
287
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,008
We live too close
to the YMCA.
288
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,443
No, Ma, these are
Caroline's friends.
289
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,145
They speak Navajo.
290
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,447
Okay, well, I hope
they like Italian,
291
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,250
'cause that's what I
spent all night making.
292
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,954
You know, I--
I think she's warming up.
293
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:40,493
You see I'm dealing with a
perfect ex-girlfriend situation.
294
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,462
I need you to be on my side.
295
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,596
Fine.
296
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,499
I don't think Jessica made
people take sides, just FYI.
297
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:47,968
Yeah, I think it's time for me
298
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,502
to switch my focus
from the mom to Denise.
299
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,272
I forgot, I'm actually
better with sisters.
300
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,374
I have to be!
I have to be!
301
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,176
Well, you better be.
302
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,410
'Cause I'm gonna tell you
the same thing
303
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,346
I told my old boyfriend,
Missionary Steve:
304
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,448
it's time to turn
this thing around.
305
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,284
Denise, there you are!
306
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,154
Oh, look at you.
I love a midday costume change.
307
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:11,124
And you said I couldn't wear
my eating robe to the party.
308
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,393
Well, since there aren't
gonna be any guys here,
309
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:16,063
I figured I'd just
get ready for bed.
310
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:20,433
Ooh, who's the hottie
over there?
311
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,470
The one running
in his sleep
312
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:27,574
or the one fanning his
underarms with a plate?
313
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,576
The muscular one.
314
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,412
Muscular?
You're gonna have to point.
315
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:35,248
Is there a different
"over there"?
316
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,117
Come on, guys,
in the dining room.
317
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,152
You have to taste
the sauce I made.
318
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,354
I used Jessica's recipe.
319
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,456
CHRISSY:
It's a frickin' delight!
320
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,425
Watch your mouth, young lady!
321
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,826
But she's right.
322
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,299
Hello.
323
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,470
(upbeat music)
324
00:13:57,504 --> 00:14:00,874
*
325
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,275
Before we start eating,
326
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,577
Max, would you like
to say grace?
327
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,116
(mouth full)
Thanks, God?
328
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:14,121
I'll do it.
329
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,923
We thank God and his mother,
330
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,891
'cause we know his
mother does everything.
331
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,460
And he would never date a woman
without getting her approval.
332
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:24,431
Okay, Ma, I don't think Jesus
was a big dater.
333
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,200
He wasn't when I knew him.
334
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,402
(whispering) Han, I need you
to flirt with Denise.
335
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,271
-She likes you.
-I got that.
336
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,140
Her hand is on my knee.
337
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,208
Oop, not my knee anymore.
338
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:39,612
Excuse my reach.
339
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,582
You like them?
I got 'em for Christmas.
340
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:43,550
We all chipped in.
341
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,686
Jessica worked very
closely with the doctor
342
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:50,357
to design the shape texture
of the nipples.
343
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,325
I got her a calendar.
344
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,427
I don't know who Jessica is,
345
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,964
but I need the sauce recipe.
346
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,431
And my lovely wife and I
347
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,668
wouldn't mind seeing those
nipples at some point.
348
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:05,172
Well, there's no way they're
as good as this sauce.
349
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,439
Mmm, mm-mm.
350
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:09,109
Anyway, Caroline owns
a dessert bar.
351
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,478
What the hell is that?
352
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,180
Max, what do you think
of the sauce?
353
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:16,416
Max, you can be honest
if you don't love it.
354
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,552
What?
More.
355
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,989
-Mmm, mmm.
-Okay, we get it.
356
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,323
You like Jessica's sauce.
357
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:26,293
Mmm, you know, I'm so full,
358
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,395
but I can't stop.
359
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,097
You don't have to eat it.
360
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,531
Are you crazy?
361
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:35,735
This is a once in
a lifetime sauce.
362
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,706
I'm gonna push my Spanx
to the limit.
363
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,308
Could someone switch
seats with me?
364
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,675
What's going on
over there, Denise?
365
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,244
You keeping your
hands to yourself?
366
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,414
Uh, I'll sit next to her.
367
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,382
I'd like to move down and sit
next to Caroline.
368
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,384
Oh, so now you don't want
to sit next to your mother?
369
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,586
I'm not hungry anyway.
370
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:58,458
I'm gonna go upstairs
and take a shower.
371
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,394
(whispering) There's a big hole
in our shower curtain.
372
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:05,398
Thanks, but I use
a doctor-prescribed soap.
373
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,034
Thanks a lot, Han.
374
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,502
You couldn't just take a shower
with her for me?
375
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,704
CHRISSY: Ma!
Where's my plate?
376
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,307
Could somebody take a plate
up to Chrissy?
377
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,443
She's still too upset
to come out.
378
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,678
-You know, because of--
-We know, Ma.
379
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,080
I'll do it.
380
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,248
'Cause I--I don't even
like this sauce.
381
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,350
(all gasp)
382
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:26,053
No, I'll--I'll bring
Chrissy her plate.
383
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,454
(chuckles)
384
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,521
She's my last chance.
385
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,057
And save me some
of that sauce.
386
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,591
It's the best thing
I've ever had.
387
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:34,094
Don't worry, I filled
your purse with it.
388
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,266
CHRISSY: Does anyone work here?
389
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,567
Where's my food?
390
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,272
Well, well, well, Jessica.
391
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,606
You may make a great sauce,
392
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:49,042
but you can't stop me.
393
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,177
(shattering)
394
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,346
TERESA: What's going on
out there?
395
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,381
I heard a crash!
396
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,383
Uh, everything's fine!
397
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,385
A truck hit a kid outside.
398
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,054
Max, can you come here
for a second?
399
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,622
CHRISSY:
What's all the commotion?
400
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,391
I can't eat my frickin' feelings
401
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:06,593
if there's no food!
402
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,195
Was the kid on a bike?
403
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:12,632
(gasps) Oh, my God!
Look what you did to Jessica!
404
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,102
Why are you so jealous
of her, Caroline?
405
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,404
You'll never be Jessica, okay?
None of us will!
406
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,805
I didn't do it!
407
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,540
She just fell off the wall.
408
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,176
Max, she is trying
to destroy me.
409
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,544
CHRISSY:
Where's my food?
410
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:27,314
I'm starting to scratch
my arms again!
411
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,082
Okay, I'll fix the picture.
412
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,083
Give her my plate.
413
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,551
(whimpers) Hang on.
414
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,686
Let me just take
one more big bite.
415
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,589
Give me a little of that.
416
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,259
Oh, damn you, Jessica!
417
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,168
Max, how did you fix
Jessica's picture?
418
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,636
It looks perfect!
419
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,204
Wasn't easy.
420
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,739
I tried not to make
eye contact with her,
421
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,874
'cause I was starting
to get feelings.
422
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,343
Hey, there you are.
423
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,878
Are you okay? I know my
family can be a lot.
424
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,348
No, I'm having
a great time.
425
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,216
(gasps) You think
your mom needs help
426
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,551
putting out that macaron?
427
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,885
I noticed they're not out.
428
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,355
I also noticed one
in the birdcage.
429
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,556
You know what?
430
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,824
If you're not having
a good time, we can leave.
431
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,726
I'm a grown man.
She's not the boss of me.
432
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,795
TERESA: Bobby!
-Coming, Ma!
433
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,899
Caroline, relax.
434
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,668
Nobody likes you right away.
435
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,136
I just got there last year,
436
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,572
and there's still a lot
of red flags.
437
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,575
(upbeat music)
438
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,377
*
439
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,346
Thank you for letting me
borrow Denise's Snuggie.
440
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:36,783
I feel like I'm back
in the womb again.
441
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,652
But it doesn't reek
of cigarettes.
442
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,521
Wait.
443
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:44,291
I think it does.
444
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:45,325
I like it.
445
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,659
I'm gonna like it even more
446
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,796
when it's on the floor tonight.
447
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,464
Is that one still breathing?
448
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,466
(snoring)
449
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,637
All right, Ma,
I'm going to karate.
450
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:58,638
Karate?
451
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,640
Well, well, well.
452
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,375
Tae Kwon Hello.
453
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,577
I happen to be a yellow belt.
454
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:05,845
Oh, yeah?
455
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:08,515
(exhales sharply)
456
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,550
Oh, yeah.
457
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,420
I got five of the macaron
back from the birdcage.
458
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:16,389
I'll get your Snuggie
back to you by tomorrow.
459
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:18,325
I'll give to Bobby in
the morning
460
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,926
when he leaves Caroline's.
461
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,731
You said you slept at Brian's.
462
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,433
You lying to me now?
463
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:27,900
Ma...
464
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,969
I was with Caroline last night.
465
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,372
But I didn't see him naked.
466
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,641
I did.
Our bathroom door doesn't lock.
467
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,377
I see why he's your
favorite, Mrs. F.
468
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,447
Uh, we're watching something.
469
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,650
Can you two talk somewhere else?
470
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,418
It's fine.
I'll turn it up.
471
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:47,420
Where--where's the remote?
472
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:50,390
Whoa, Ma, I--I only got
engaged to be engaged
473
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,492
'cause Dad was sick, and I
wanted you to be happy.
474
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,927
But now I'm with
Caroline, and...
475
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,429
Caroline makes me happy.
476
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,965
-I do?
-She does?
477
00:19:58,998 --> 00:19:59,966
You do.
478
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,569
She does.
479
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,937
(glass shattering)
MAX: (gasps)
480
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,974
-Okay, it was--
-Uh, it was a sign...
481
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:12,445
that Jessica didn't
belong there anymore.
482
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,781
You know what?
483
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,449
You make my Bobby smile.
484
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,551
And he's even more handsome
when he smiles.
485
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,920
Chrissy, come down
and meet Caroline!
486
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:24,691
CHRISSY: She hot?
Cause I don't like uggos, Ma.
487
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,826
She's gorgeous.
488
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,461
TERESA: She looks like me.
489
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:31,598
Just with a little
more mustache.
490
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,366
Welcome to our home, girls.
491
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,435
BOTH: Oh, thank you!
492
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:38,371
BOTH: You have no idea how much
this means to me!
493
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,009
Try and get out of this hold.
494
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:45,278
Who says I want to?
495
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,748
So same time next Sunday?
496
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:52,852
*
497
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,521
(cash register dings)
35333
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