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1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,505
I know I've been talking about
Bobby all morning,
2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:07,108
but another thing I love
about Bobby is,
3
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,043
he just gets me.
4
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:11,745
Can he come get you right now?
5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:15,249
Last night, I gave Bobby
a little neck action.
6
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,486
Neck action?
Oh, racy!
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,221
What's next, you gonna
lift up your skirt
8
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,522
and show him your knees?
9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,458
Maybe.
10
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,260
Hey, Caroline, wait up!
11
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:27,428
(gasps)
Hide me, Max.
12
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:28,796
Bobby hasn't seen me
13
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,165
in my waitress uniform,
or my right profile.
14
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,533
It hasn't been easy.
15
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,634
What is wrong with our uniform?
16
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,303
I call her Carrie
17
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,105
'cause she's got
a little pig's blood on her
18
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,241
and she can't be
destroyed by fire.
19
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,575
Morning, beautiful.
20
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,843
I got you a macchiato.
21
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,378
And a supportive
round of applause
22
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,713
when I told them
the name was Caroline.
23
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,680
(chuckles)
24
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:49,117
Bobby, you are so sweet.
25
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,419
This has skim milk, right?
26
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,254
Oh, whatever!
27
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,823
Uh, why are you using Max
as a human shield?
28
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,126
Oh, don't worry.
I'm used to it.
29
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,728
It's how my mom robbed
all those Carvels in the '90s.
30
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,196
(all laughing)
31
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,231
I should get going.
32
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,733
So...group hug?
33
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,135
I'm still trying
to figure out
34
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,469
where to take you
on our third date.
35
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,371
I want it to be special.
36
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,240
Also, I'm either caught
on Max's button
37
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:13,641
or she has a tiny, round penis.
38
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:14,642
(grunts)
39
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,647
Might want to get
that jacket tested.
40
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:20,681
I'll see ya.
41
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,120
Third date?
42
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:28,589
You know what that means,
don't you?
43
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,324
Going by my last third date,
44
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,459
he comes out of the closet,
45
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,561
and we still date
for two years.
46
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,129
No!
47
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:38,266
It means more neck action,
just lower.
48
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,202
Your between-legs neck.
49
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,536
You're an adult, Max.
50
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:45,306
It's called a noony-noo.
51
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,142
And I thought sex
was on the tenth date,
52
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:51,145
after he accidentally
says, "I love you."
53
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,614
Everybody knows
the third date means sex.
54
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,816
And the fourth date means
he gets oddly distant
55
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,419
and crazy busy at work.
56
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,488
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
57
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,290
(cash register bell dings)
58
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:07,495
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
59
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,733
Hey, Earl, how's it hanging?
60
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:16,170
Lower than anyone
will tell you, Max.
61
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:19,540
I thought a snake followed me
into the bathroom this morning.
62
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:21,942
What's up with you girls?
63
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,912
Oh, Caroline is going
on a third date.
64
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:28,882
Oh, some between-legs neck
action is on.
65
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,519
I am really not
familiar with this phrase.
66
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,355
And I'm pretty sure this
whole "third date sex" rule
67
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,689
isn't really a thing.
68
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,692
Waiting until
the third date for sex?
69
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:41,295
What are you, a nun?
70
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,864
Hey, everybody!
71
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,968
Oh, all right.
72
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,705
Don't talk to Baby Barbara.
We're in a fight.
73
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,641
She thought that
the Fifty Shades book
74
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,909
was better than the movie.
75
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,813
Sophie, have you ever heard
that you're supposed to
76
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,882
have sex on the third date?
77
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:05,253
Oh, that's a nun thing, right?
78
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,987
I am so glad I don't
have to deal with
79
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,389
this kind of stuff anymore.
80
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:11,292
I am officially retired
from sex.
81
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,394
Not sure how many of you
have heard the news,
82
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,929
but not sure how many
of you read "Juggs."
83
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,965
It got too political.
84
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:20,434
That's why I turned to "Cans."
85
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,304
Max, what are you talking about?
86
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,838
You can't retire from sex.
87
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,840
It's your thing,
like Cheetos
88
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:30,344
or zeroing in
on people's vulnerabilities.
89
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:33,747
What? Sorry, I was distracted
by your nose pimple.
90
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:36,417
I just feel like I need
to get out of the game.
91
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,286
I had a good run, just ask
92
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,454
literally anybody.
93
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,456
But now it's your turn.
94
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,458
Well, when one pair
of legs closes,
95
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:47,328
another one opens.
96
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:51,332
Yeah, that's what
Polish Oprah says.
97
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:54,502
And you get hanged
if you disagree with her.
98
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:55,636
Yep.
99
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,738
Max, it doesn't take a genius--
100
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,874
although my Facebook IQ test
says I qualify as one--
101
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,311
to know that this
whole retirement thing
102
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,678
is about your breakup
with Randy.
103
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:08,716
It also said you had
362 friends.
104
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:12,052
And we all know
you barely have one.
105
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:15,055
This has nothing to do
with Randy.
106
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,525
My sex throne is yours now.
107
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,828
I would maybe put a towel down.
108
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,430
Max, you can't get
out of the game
109
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,298
just when I'm getting back in.
110
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:28,001
I wanted us to
have sex together.
111
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,938
Well, clear up that nose zit,
and we'll talk.
112
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:35,008
Speaking of nose zits.
113
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,845
Han, Max is about to
give up sex.
114
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,548
Tell her how bad
life is without it.
115
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,383
It's actually quite rich.
116
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,552
I was just saying to Mossimo
down at the boccie court--
117
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,720
Thank you!
I rest my case.
118
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:49,056
And tomorrow
I'm taking golf lessons
119
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,758
thanks to our community board.
120
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,793
Apparently, I don't
meet the weight minimum
121
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,095
for Krav Maga.
122
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,598
You know what?
I'll go with you.
123
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,600
Retired people love golf.
124
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,869
Just like you lesbians.
125
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,737
Welcome to the club.
126
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,740
Oh, look, we just
made a golf pun.
127
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,009
This is gonna be fun!
128
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,381
I hope to God you know
what you're doing.
129
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:18,352
If I am gonna have sex with
Bobby, I need new underwear.
130
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:21,889
My current pair has more holes
than the plot of Arrival.
131
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,624
So you came here?
132
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,826
There's no lube aisle.
133
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,028
None of the mannequins
are doing each other.
134
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,130
This is a classy lingerie store,
135
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,866
not Second-Hand Hose.
136
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,502
I got kicked out of there.
137
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,836
I ate a pair of edible underwear
138
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,373
and I put the box
back on the shelf.
139
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:42,410
Ladies, I'm Rita.
Welcome to the Art of Seduction,
140
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,477
where seduction begins with--
141
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,812
A shot of tequila
142
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,914
and ends with a shot
of penicillin?
143
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,782
Not what I was
going to say at all.
144
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,384
What can I help you ladies with?
145
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:53,521
Uh, she has a third date
situation happening.
146
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:57,558
Do you have anything
that says "Grand Reopening"?
147
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,726
I want to be naughty.
148
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,828
But I get cold.
149
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:04,565
I found your shoelace section,
but where is the underwear?
150
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,166
That is underwear,
151
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,502
and you're holding it backwards.
152
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,173
Oh, sure, I see it now.
153
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,476
Let's go to Target.
154
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:17,044
And, uh, what about you?
155
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,111
Any third dates coming up?
156
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,647
Actually, no.
157
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,483
I am retired, sexually.
158
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:26,454
Took the sock off the door
and now I'm wearing it.
159
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,622
Come on, Max,
we both know you're not
160
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:29,757
really retired from sex.
161
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:33,794
We are two young, sexual beings.
162
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,096
Where are you
supposed to wear this?
163
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,168
That's a purse.
164
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:44,071
Uh, if I'm not retired,
165
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,440
then why did Larry Flynt
send me a gold watch,
166
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:49,777
thanking me for
my 20 years of cervix.
167
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,045
How about this teddy?
168
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,081
I just need simple underwear.
169
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,950
I was a nice presentation
for my noony-noo.
170
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,819
Look, it doesn't matter
what you wear.
171
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,721
With a body like yours,
it's not gonna be on long.
172
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,624
Ah, see, Max?
She likes my body.
173
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:07,094
Tastes have changed since
I got out of the game.
174
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,463
And these panties
are great to bounce in.
175
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,499
The frills on the back
really accentuate the twerk
176
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,567
when you're doing
the Swingin' Linda.
177
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,035
(popping sounds)
178
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,072
Linda
179
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,510
must have a bunch of
back problems.
180
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,145
Oh, my God.
Do I have to do that?
181
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,047
Whatever happened to lying down?
182
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,149
That's a guy's job now.
183
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,885
Skanks like us
ruined that for you.
184
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:34,187
She's not wrong, but
185
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,156
I teach a burlesque class
around the corner.
186
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,058
You should come.
187
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,093
It can, uh, really help you
get in touch with your body.
188
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,795
Oh, it's okay, I'm already
189
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,230
very in touch with my body.
190
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,933
Oh, yeah.
She's real in touch.
191
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,636
This one's keeping
Duracell in business.
192
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,241
Max, I wish you had gotten
something at the lingerie store.
193
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:58,245
That saddle looked
really good under you.
194
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,680
MAX: Most things do.
195
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,248
Did!
I'm retired!
196
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:04,885
We both know your retirement
isn't gonna last.
197
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,587
You're like The Rolling Stones,
198
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,756
but with more of your own blood.
199
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,991
MAX: Oh...
200
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,259
really?
201
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,599
Do I look like someone who will
202
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,868
ever have sex again?
203
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:23,871
(gasps)
204
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,806
Clothes jinx!
205
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:32,112
It's like looking
in a funhouse mirror.
206
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,848
Without the fun.
207
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:38,151
I just came by to say our
tee time is tomorrow at 1:00.
208
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,153
We're in a foursome
with Mitch and Bill.
209
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,657
Whatever you do, don't mention
the Gulf War in front of Mitch.
210
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:47,628
Even when you say "golf,"
really hit the O.
211
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,797
Max, come on,
don't you want to unretire
212
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,765
and have a real foursome again?
213
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,634
Like you used to, on my bed,
214
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,035
while I'm trying to read?
215
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,170
I like this sexless existence.
216
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,106
I don't know what you've
been complaining about.
217
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,709
And besides, I can
finally let myself go,
218
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,677
hygenital-ly.
219
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,646
So because you got
hurt by Randy,
220
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:06,980
you're never
gonna have sex again?
221
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,216
No, I'm never having sex again
222
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,919
because I have no idea
how to take off these pants.
223
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,724
-Hey.
-Whoa--Bobby!
224
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,126
What are you doing here?
225
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,995
I couldn't wait
till tomorrow night to see you.
226
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,031
I got this from a gay wedding;
they were throwing them out
227
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,634
'cause they were
the wrong shade of red.
228
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,703
My God, this is
just like The Bachelor.
229
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,339
Except I'm not getting HPV
from a lagoon.
230
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,176
Hey, don't worry, Max.
I didn't forget you.
231
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,111
(gasps)
My scratch-offs!
232
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,247
The grooms were throwing those
out instead of rice.
233
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,752
Well, that's
going on my Pinterest.
234
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:48,188
So tomorrow night's
our big third date.
235
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,758
That's what people
keep telling me.
236
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,860
I've got something
real special planned.
237
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,161
It's exotic.
238
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,863
I think you'll
be very impressed.
239
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,799
Oh, I'm sure I will be,
240
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,834
but it takes me a little while,
241
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:04,104
and I'm quiet when I am.
242
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,806
Hey, don't worry.
243
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,642
I'll do all the work.
244
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:11,178
Well, I'll pitch in a little.
245
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,880
It's gonna be big.
246
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,984
See you tomorrow night.
247
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:24,091
Big and exotic?
What is it, a parrot?
248
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,394
If it's a cockatiel,
then I'm back in the game.
249
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:30,163
At least I have
that really sexy underwear.
250
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,401
Hey, girls.
I heard the word "underwear."
251
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,369
Hey. (laughs)
252
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:39,206
Some old lady left
her panties back here.
253
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:42,109
Oleg, those aren't
old lady panties,
254
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,011
they're mine.
255
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,980
Are you bringing them
to an old lady?
256
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:51,118
Perhaps this gentleman's wife?
257
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,086
Oleg, these are sexy.
258
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,055
What makes you a panty expert?
259
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,324
Besides my official
license plate
260
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,959
from the state of arousal
261
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:03,396
and my degree from Idu U?
262
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,365
Nothing.
263
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,002
I have to go to
that burlesque class.
264
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,237
I don't know,
you should see if
265
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,840
they have night classes
at Idu U.
266
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:18,011
How are you gonna dance
in those golf clothes?
267
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,146
How are you gonna dance
268
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,148
looking like a slutty poodle?
269
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,250
Let's just pick out our props.
270
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,853
I've been sanitizing
for this all morning.
271
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,956
I was once dropped into a lake
in a trunk just like this.
272
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:32,125
Those dock goons did not
expect to see this gal again.
273
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,962
Ooh, feather boa!
274
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,429
I haven't worn
something with feathers
275
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,499
since that pigeon
flew into our fan.
276
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,234
I brought this from home.
277
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,370
I got it on my third
Carnival Cruise.
278
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,438
Oh, let her have it!
279
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,040
Girl's going on a third date.
280
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:50,277
Ooh, that's a gay first date.
281
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,080
My first date
was a Hall & Oates concert.
282
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,982
Yes, I'm old.
283
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,416
Welcome, everyone!
284
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,286
Let's get started.
It's time to get sexy!
285
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,488
Yep, according to
my "Hustler" watch,
286
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:04,057
it's 11:69.
287
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,492
Can't be right.
Feels earlier.
288
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,929
Hey, girls.
Oh.
289
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,097
I was screaming at you
290
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,932
for three blocks to wait up.
291
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:16,269
But then sidewalk Caroline
turned out to be a lamppost.
292
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,038
Sophie, what are you doing here?
293
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,941
Well, I saw the card
on the board in the diner,
294
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,877
and I wanted to spice up
Oleg and my sex life.
295
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,445
Yeah, I mean, we haven't
done it in front of
296
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,148
The Today Show window
in weeks.
297
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,549
I can't believe they didn't
298
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,986
cut away when
Matt Lauer threw up.
299
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,287
Last time I did it, you could
300
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,556
still bring cocaine
in your carry-on.
301
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,326
In this class,
we are going to go deep
302
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,561
and unleash
our sexual goddesses.
303
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,931
Mine got me kicked out
of the army.
304
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,299
They asked; I told.
305
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,535
Let's dive in!
306
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,971
Everybody get
behind your chairs.
307
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,806
I'm gonna show you the routine
and then I'll break it down.
308
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,141
I'm so excited.
309
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,508
I'm about to lose control
310
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,244
and I think I like it!
311
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,846
(Rihanna's "Birthday Cake"
playing over stereo)
312
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,414
* It's not even my birthday
313
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,416
* But he want to
lick the icing off *
314
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,287
* I know you want it
in the worst way *
315
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,289
* Can't wait to
blow my candles out *
316
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:12,860
* He want that cake, cake, cake,
cake, cake, cake, cake *
317
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:16,263
* It's not even my birthday
but-- *
318
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,364
You know what?
319
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,498
I don't need to have sex.
320
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:21,234
I'll just play golf with you.
321
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,872
Uh, I play golf
to get away from my wife.
322
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,273
Well, I'm exhausted.
323
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,877
I need a nap.
324
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:33,046
After I dance is when we
usually lose most of the class.
325
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,415
Now, before I teach you
the actual moves,
326
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:36,884
I want you to just
feel your body
327
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,385
and let it go.
328
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,286
Who wants to give it a shot?
329
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,154
Oh, I do! I do!
330
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:44,491
I want to put
the "ass" in "class."
331
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,159
Sophie, if I wanted
to see your ass,
332
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,495
I'd get up early
and watch The Today Show.
333
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,331
(Rihanna's
"Birthday Cake" plays)
334
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,966
* Baby, baby, baby
335
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,602
* It's not even my birthday
336
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,638
* But he want to
lick the icing off *
337
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,875
* I know you want it
in the worst way *
338
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:05,913
* Can't wait to
blow my candles out *
339
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,080
I'm stuck, but you know what?
340
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,515
I swear to God,
I can make it work.
341
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,951
* It's not even my birthday
342
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,420
* But he want to
lick the icing off *
343
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,587
(music stops)
344
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,289
I'm, uh, scared to ask this,
345
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,524
but who's next?
346
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,226
Is it okay if I try?
347
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,329
That was probably
the only act I could follow.
348
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,164
Go, girl!
349
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,534
(Rihanna's
"Birthday Cake" plays)
350
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,202
* Baby, baby, baby
351
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,271
* It's not even my birthday
352
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:35,008
* But he want to
lick the icing off *
353
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:38,211
* I know you want it
in the worst way *
354
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,147
* Can't wait to blow
my candles out *
355
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,150
* He want that cake, cake,
cake, cake, cake, cake, cake *
356
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:46,119
* It's not even my birthday
357
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,420
(music stops)
358
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:54,161
I didn't think these pants
came with a boner.
359
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,029
I don't know where
that came from.
360
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,298
You know how they say
the rhythm is gonna get you?
361
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,033
It got me!
362
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,435
Well, I gotta go.
363
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,104
It's ass past two.
364
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,007
Well, your ass
isn't getting past me.
365
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,175
Ooh, now that I can dance,
366
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,410
I'm sassy too.
367
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,614
Let's tease.
And tease.
368
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,950
Did I do that?
Did I do that?
369
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,551
And tease.
And tease.
370
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,620
I did do that.
I did do that.
371
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,622
RITA: And pump.
And grind.
372
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,224
And pump.
And grind.
373
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,525
Wink.
374
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:28,228
That's how I got
to this country.
375
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:31,498
Except I was also rowing.
376
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,565
(music stops)
377
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,267
Why aren't you participating?
378
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,136
Like I told that guy
in sweatpants last week,
379
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,637
you can't just
sit here and watch.
380
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,439
Well, unlike that guy,
381
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:42,242
my days of sexy moves
are behind me.
382
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,311
From now on, the only balls
I'll be smacking
383
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,247
are on the golf course.
384
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,482
You're really gonna give up
on who you are
385
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:50,550
because of Randy?
386
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,019
She went through a breakup,
387
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,253
and she swore off sex,
388
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,188
and I'm worried maybe deodorant.
389
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:57,524
Oh, yeah, that's
390
00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:01,728
probably my bag of dirty diapers
in my purse.
391
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:05,032
I'm putting them
in my baby book.
392
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:07,100
This is what this class
is all about.
393
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,036
Taking all that pain and anger
394
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,403
and making it sexy.
395
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,739
I thought this was about
making my booty clap.
396
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,242
We'll get there, Gavin.
397
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:18,745
So tell me about
this guy, Randy.
398
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,213
Uh, there's nothing to say.
399
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,214
It's not about him.
400
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:22,449
Are you sure?
401
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,350
Did he
402
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,152
bring you down low?
403
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:28,155
Oh, sure he did.
Real low.
404
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,122
Shake you up?
405
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,423
All shook up.
406
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:34,227
Hey, get your ass
out of my face, razor hips.
407
00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:35,262
Did he
408
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,429
spin you around
409
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,798
and slide right out
of your life?
410
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,367
Like a greasy McNugget!
411
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,368
Show me that nugget.
412
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,435
I would, but I can't
413
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,171
take these pants off.
414
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,672
Max, come on.
415
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,541
You can't let one bad experience
ruin everything.
416
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:51,444
Otherwise, I'd never use
our bath mat again.
417
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,346
It's hot for no reason.
418
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:56,216
Yeah, I'm double parked!
Come on, dance already!
419
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:59,752
Fine!
If it will get me out of here.
420
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:02,122
(Rihanna's
"Birthday Cake" plays)
421
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:05,358
* It's not even my birthday
422
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,793
* But he want to
lick the icing off *
423
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,528
That's right,
get it out there!
424
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,797
Bump, bump!
Grind, grind!
425
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:14,101
Duck, duck, goose!
Wink!
426
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,269
* Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake
427
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,538
* Cake, cake, cake,
cake, cake, cake, cake *
428
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:22,709
Ooh, yeah,
bounce, baby, bounce!
429
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,113
God, this is so real!
430
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:29,249
* I know you want it
in the worst way *
431
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,118
(music stops)
432
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,586
Okay! Fine!
433
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,822
Maybe I am shut down
'cause of Randy.
434
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:39,692
See, you needed to get that out.
Do you feel better?
435
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,795
No, I got a splinter
in my face.
436
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,831
Well, if you'll excuse me,
437
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,834
I have a golf lesson
to get to.
438
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:50,170
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,
wiggle, Max out.
439
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:53,540
She won't tell anyone
440
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,508
she learned those moves here,
will she?
441
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,144
I was the best, right?
442
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,546
Because it matters to me.
443
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,883
Hide your husbands.
Hide your wives.
444
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,485
Max is back.
445
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,187
I'm out of retirement
446
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,290
and these pants, as soon as
I can get them off.
447
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:14,394
Oh, my God, you slept with Han?
448
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,762
Let me find that
machete you gave me
449
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,630
in case this ever happened.
450
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:20,167
No, she slept with our golf pro.
451
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,437
Once again, I was left
holding my putter.
452
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,439
Yep, I'm back, and
I have the grass stains
453
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:27,907
on my head to prove it.
454
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,843
See?
That class helped everyone.
455
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,712
Except Sophie--
by the time I left,
456
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:36,183
she had three more
chairs on her.
457
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,151
Hey, everybody!
458
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,256
Brace yourself.
459
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:46,759
Sophie got sexified.
460
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,530
(Rihanna's
"Birthday Cake" plays)
461
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,899
* Baby, baby, baby
462
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:55,402
* It's not even my birthday
463
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,837
* But he want to
lick the icing off *
464
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,540
* I know you want it
in the worst way *
465
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,376
* Can't wait to
blow my candles out *
466
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:07,414
* He want that cake, cake, cake,
cake, cake, cake, cake *
467
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,849
* Cake, cake, cake,
cake, cake, cake, cake *
468
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,252
Oh, my God.
469
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,921
Between those moves
and that sexy neck brace,
470
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,857
it's too much for me to take.
471
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,527
This is what I get
for telling that genie
472
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,530
I wanted to live to be 100.
473
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:26,733
* Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake,
cake, cake, cake, cake *
474
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,202
* Cake, cake, cake
475
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,304
* It's not even my birthday
476
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,473
* But he want to
lick the icing off *
477
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,375
Sophie...
478
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,910
could I see you
in the walk-in freezer?
479
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:41,214
And if you don't mind,
could you add a limp?
480
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:46,586
* Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake,
cake, cake, cake, cake *
481
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,388
* It's not even my birthday
482
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,858
You know what the sexiest
thing about it is?
483
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,294
The limp is real.
484
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,399
Hey, buddy.
485
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,333
-Hey.
-What's going on, man?
486
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,503
Bobby!
487
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,937
Hey, I was just
on my lunch break,
488
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:08,675
thought I'd stop by
and almost see you.
489
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,477
Well, it was nice dating you.
490
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,545
This is my uniform.
I know, it's...
491
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,747
Hot.
Really, really hot.
492
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:18,418
You look like a sexy pencil.
493
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,387
But I bought all this
really sexy,
494
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:23,490
very zipper-heavy underwear
to wear on our third date.
495
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,458
Why would I see your underwear
on our third date?
496
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,427
Doesn't that happen
on the tenth?
497
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,429
That's what I said!
498
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:32,832
You people are animals!
499
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,001
But what was all that talk about
500
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:37,270
our date being big and exotic?
501
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:39,339
I was gonna take you
to this Moroccan place.
502
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,709
They don't have chairs.
We sit on pillows.
503
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,545
That is exotic.
504
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,714
You might want to
hold off on the sex.
505
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:48,948
You two might be related.
506
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:51,484
(upbeat rock music)
507
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,252
(cash register bell dings)
36036
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