All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls S06E14 1080p Amazon WEBRip DD+ 5 1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

Max, we're back.

Aw, that sucks.

This place didn't burn down
while we were gone,

like I had hoped.

The night is young, and I have
a Roman candle in my pocket.

Hi, welcome to
the Williamsburg diner.

Table for two?

Don't be silly, Earl.

It's us, Max and Caroline.

And I'm Earl.
Smoking or nonsmoking?

Glad to have you back.

Max and Caroline!

You're back from your road trip.

And right on time
for yesterday's shift.

We're also not working today.

Tomorrow's not great either.

Ugh, thank God you're back.

Besides Han, there hasn't been
a girl in here in days, and...

she's not my type.

What is your type?

Hepatitis A, B, or C?

So what did you bring us?

Uh, you guys don't understand.

We got kicked off a riverboat,

almost crashed a plane,

and lost everything we own.

Honestly, it's a miracle
we're alive.

So...no gifts?

(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

[cash register bell dings]

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Let's get to the dessert bar

so we can see the work they did.

Also so people don't think

we're customers here.

I'm excited to see it too,

and now that Randy and I
are really over,

I promise to give
the dessert bar my full 5%.

Make it 6%.

I mean, what else
am I gonna do, hmm?

Stop.

Oleg, stop blocking the door.

We're not on a date with you.

We want to see the dessert bar.

Eh, sure,

but before you go in there,

do you want to see
a cute picture

of me, Sophie, and baby Barbara?

Sure.

(both yelling)

You didn't say it was
in the bathtub.

Well, now that you're annoyed

and hopefully
a little impressed...

Mm-mm.

I can tell you

I had to fire your contractor.

BOTH: What?

I thought I could do
a better job.

BOTH: What?
-I couldn't.

I can't believe Oleg!

How the hell could he let
a complete stranger...

(both gasp)

Do such an amazing job?

Wow.

Wait, we're still killing Oleg,
though, right?

'Cause the wheels are already
in motion.

Oh, my God, look at the doors.

(gasps)
And the molding?

And the sconces?

I don't remember
what an orgasm is like,

but I think I might be
having one.

Hey, girls.

Welcome home.

Baby Barbara thought
you were dead.

Isn't that funny?

Not "Vince Vaughn doing drama"
funny, but what is?

Wow, Barbara got so big
while we were gone.

Oh, shh!

You got to give her a break,
'cause she got

her Uncle Fatso's genes.

By the way, Sophie, thank you
for watching our horse

while we were gone.

He's my favorite roommate.

Aww, well, you know what,

that's what friends are for.

And I'm sure you would
do the same for me

if I needed a favor.

-Of course we would.
-Good, 'cause I need a favor.

Yeah, see,

I joined this mommy
support group, you know,

to make sure that I'm holding
the baby up right,

or you know,

that I don't get too jealous

when people compliment her.

The standard mom stuff.

So what's the favor?

I'll do anything up to
a Class B felony.

I still have one strike left.

Well, I'm hosting,

and there are gonna be a lot
of sloppy babies there,

so I'm looking for a real dump.

Can I use your place?

-Aww.
-Sophie, I don't think--

(laughs)
Thank you, girls.

Yeah, you're the best,

no matter what baby Barbara
tells her friends.

I thought Barbara liked me.

I'm gonna text her.

Oh, hey.
I'm Bobby.

I did the work on your bar.

You must be Max and Caroline.

I'm Maroline, and this is Cax.

(stammering)

-I mean--
-Yeah, let's just move past it.

Uh, we're who you said.

Well, I hope you like it.

The only guidance I got

was from your friend Oleg,

who just kept saying "sluttier."

And then he showed me
a picture of him in the bathtub.

You did an amazing job.

I mean, what you did
with those knobs.

Polished brass.

Looks like you want to
polish his brass.

And how do you like the satin
on the sconces?

(gasps)
Oh, my God.

My knees are wiggling.

You like that?

-And the finish on the molding?
-Oh, love it!

I think she's about to finish
on the molding.

You're the only man
who knew what I wanted

without me having to tell him
three times

and then give up.

Hey, great.

I'll tell the boss you liked it.

"Bobby, you did it again."

In case you missed it,
I'm the boss.

(laughing)

See, 'cause he's the boss,

so he was telling himself.

It's too many levels for her.

Hey, um, listen,
I should probably get going,

but if you need anything else,

you can call me.

Or my boss.
Anytime.

Well, I might just have to
call you both.

Ciao!

"Ciao"?

Unless you're gonna say "mein"
after that,

I don't know what
you're talking about.

He's really cute.

Oh, you think so?

You were playing it pretty cool,
Maroline.

(laughs)

(all laughing)

Ooh, oops.

Oh, don't worry,

you can ruin everything in here.

I don't care.

(laughing)

I do.

I just scrubbed the couch.

How much longer
do we have to stay in here?

Caroline's talking about
a third grade field trip.

I got lost in Toronto.

Girls, ignore them.

Society does.

Yeah.

Uh, so where are your babies?

Out parking the car?

(laughs)

See, I don't let Barbara
drive yet.

Should I?

We don't bring 'em
to the meetings.

They ruin everything.

Starting with our vaginas.

Oh, yeah,

my husband ruined mine

on my first date.

(laughing)

See--well, see, I thought

that a mother's group,
you know, you--

you talk about your babies.

Wouldn't they love that?

No, this is for us to--

to trade pills and get trashed

and fantasize about
Gone Girl-ing our husbands.

Oh, my God,
I'm doing everything wrong.

Yeah, just like the '84 Olympics
all over again.

(knocking at door)

What's up, sluts?

Ugh, there's a baby here?

If I weren't already stoned,

I'd drive somewhere else.

My bad.

Yeah, see,

I thought we were gonna

compare notes on bedtimes

and how asleep a baby has to be

to have sex in front of it.

You have sex
with your trainer too?

Should I?

Seeing what you girls did
to the dessert bar

inspired me to make
some improvements around here.

Don't tell me you found a way

to unstick the menus
from the tables.

Whoa, one step at a time.

I did give this place
more of a facelift

than Brad Pitt in preparation
for the movie Allied.

Yeah, Han, this place
looks exactly the same.

My suicide note is still
scrawled on the wall.

Yeah, it looks like the same old
post office to me.

It's not a freakin' post office!

Max, we should really
get over to the dessert bar.

Bobby's on his way to look
at those gorgeous sconces

I am very unhappy with.

Why do you have to use
the dessert bar

as an excuse to see him?

If you like him,
why don't you just say,

"Hey, you're cute.
Want to see my horse?"

Because a lady
waits for a gentleman

to ask to see her horse.

I don't know what ladies
you're hanging out with.

Apparently none.

(phone chimes)
Ooh!

Bobby's at the dessert bar.

Let me just change
into something

a little more comfortable.

Why are you making this
so complicated?

Why don't you just say,
"Let's get drinks

to make the sex less awkward?"

Or you could do that.

Oh, hi, Bobby, I forgot
you were stopping by.

She thought she was hosting
Wheel of Fortune in here.

I'd buy a vowel from her.

Well, it would be two As.

Uh...

oh, uh, what did you want
to show me?

Apparently a little side boob.

This sconce.

I noticed that if I put

all the force of my body
against it,

it moves a little.

See?

(grunting)

Ugh, I--

I must have jammed it into place

while I was testing
its virility.

I mean, stability.

Ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

See?
Told you it was loose.

I guess I have stick around
as long as it takes

until it's fixed.

Oh, good, because
I wouldn't feel safe

pulling aggressively
on anything until you do.

Caroline!

We got to get to the hospital.

Oh, no, I'm fine.

Bobby caught me.

Not for you, Vanna Very White.

I just got a call saying Randy
was in an accident in Manhattan.

He must have been coming
to see me.

Just when I thought it was over,

he ropes me back in with
a life-threatening emergency.

How bad is he?

Because these sconces

won't be able to wear this dress
again tomorrow.

All I know is that it's serious,
and they called me

'cause I'm the emergency contact
on his phone.

Okay. I'll be back
as fast as I can.

I'll work as slow as I can.

I won't tell your boss...
'cause he's the--

I get it.
Let's go.

Oh, he's still alive.

Oh, thank God his face
isn't hurt.

And--one, two, three,
four, five, six.

Yep, they're all there.

Why is his shirt always off?

He's like Kirsten Dunst
in a dramatic role.

Well, I had to take
his shirt off, because--

well, 'cause you know,
he broke his leg.

This is a private room.

You ladies can't be in here.

I'm his emergency contact, Max.

I'll take the rest
of his clothing off from here.

And can you get me a straw

so we can share this
morphine drip mai tai style?

You girls have two minutes,

and remember,
this is a hospital,

so no messing around.

Ooh, that's my coconut oil.

Coconut oil?

Great, now he's edible.

Oh, my God, Max.

This is very
An Affair to Remember.

I'm more of a Quickie to Forget
kind of girl.

No, that Randy came all the way
to New York to see you

and then got into
a tragic accident

and now here you are
at his bedside.

Max, I don't want
to get ahead of myself,

but we might both
have boyfriends.

Double date dance?

Max?

What are you doing here?

Where's my shirt?

When did Caroline start hosting
Wheel of Fortune?

Ah, that's what I said!

Um, I got the call
that you were hurt,

so I came right over,

and as for your shirt,

I think the nurses

are making a pillow husband
out of it.

Hi, Randy,
sorry you broke your leg,

but great news.

I like someone.

Oh, that's right.

You're still
my emergency contact.

I'm sorry.

I never switched it back
to my trainer.

What happened?
Was it a runaway hot dog cart?

Because that is
my worst nightmare...

besides having my credit card
declined at Kohl's.

But I lived through it.

I got hit by a cab
on my way to JFK.

You mean you got hit by a cab

on your way from JFK.

You were in New York
to see me, right?

Track me down,
beg me to take you back,

pull my hair a little?

No, I was--I was leaving.

Leaving? But you hadn't--

Do you know what?

The accident must have

given him that
"to-and-from-lexia."

I think Whoopi Goldberg has it.

Time's up, ladies.
Patient needs a sponge bath.

He's got coconut oil
all over him.

Hey, Max, wait.

She just got here.
Didn't she?

Told ya. He's got that
"come-and-go-heimers."

Whoopi writes all about it
in her book.

It's very hard to follow.

Max, these are like pajamas

for couples
who don't care anymore.

Speak for yourself.

These puppies care a lot.

Oh, good, they're all gone.

They left me zero room
to sign his cast.

I want to get back
to the dessert bar

while Bobby's still there

and possibly working up
a little sweat.

Go ahead.
I'll punch you out.

But if you keep leaving early,

they're gonna make you
work Christmas.

Nurse, we need
all hands on deck.

We've got a 41 in here,

and he's a squirter.

You--you're up, girl.
I had the last one.

"Dear Randy,
Nice ass.

Nurse Barb."

Well, that is good.

-Max.
-(exclaims)

I didn't wake you, did I?

But now that you're up,
why are you in New York?

You said you were
on your way to the airport

when you got hurt?

I was.

So you weren't here to see me.

No, I was trying not to see you.

Wow.

I'm leaving.

Max.

Ow.

You broke up with me.

That time over the phone?

You took that seriously?
That's insane.

The "This is a cry for
attention" was implied.

What I heard was,
"This isn't enough for me,"

and since we can't make it work,
it just--it's--

it's too hard for me to see you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I heard what you said

on the movie set.

In Texas?

How'd you hear
what I said on set?

(scoffs)
I was a zombie extra.

Grow up.

That was you.

Everyone said I was crazy
because I thought

I saw you and Caroline on set.

My therapist put me
on antidepressants.

Yeah, well, joke's on them,

'cause it really was me
hanging there.

Max, that's crazy.

Why didn't you say something
when you saw me?

Because you said
you were in a good place

and you want to move on,
blah, blah, blah.

And I don't want
to hurt you anymore.

But now I want to break
your other leg.

Max, look at us.

I ran to the airport
and got hit by a cab

trying to get out of here

because I was tempted
to see you.

And you broke into a hospital
not to steal drugs.

Maybe this relationship
is bad for us.

CAROLINE:
There's just so much squirt!

Definitely for Caroline.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

Then let's stop being crazy.

Move to LA.

You know, six years ago,

I would've done that
in a heartbeat.

I would've thrown
my bubblegum cigs

and my nunchucks
in a Safeway bag

and been your lady.

But it's different now.
I'm different.

I care about something,

and I have people
who count on me.

I've built a life here.

Damn it.

Max, you know I can't leave
my firm in LA.

So what happens now?

I think we kiss good-bye.

Mm-mm.

Hmm, I think that might
set us back.

I mean, you're already in a bed,

and these pants
come off real easy.

I think you know that.

Oh, yeah.
I forgot.

How about a hug?

Hmm.

You really trust yourself
against the girls?

Not even remotely.

How about a handshake?

There's nothing less sexual.

Okay, but two pumps
and we're out.

I can't not make it sexual.

You smell nice.

I've got a lot of jerky
in my pocket.

Good news is,

I saved a man's life.

Bad news is,

I left a ring inside him.

Here's your flan-tini

and a side of a bottle
of tequila.

Why are you so sad, Caroline?

I mean, she doesn't have kids.

Well, I did like this guy Bobby,

but then I had to go
with Max to see Randy,

and I got squirted on,

and I didn't get back in time
to see him and possibly

missed a chance
at a lifetime of happiness.

Too much talking
from the waitress.

(clears throat)

Uh, ladies,

are all of the daddies

still in the picture?

'Cause I can't shimmy
down a fire escape

like I used to.

That's so funny.

If my doorman drops out
of the rotation,

I'll give you a call.

Uh, let me give you
my beeper number.

Yep!

I'm really having a blast
with my mom friends.

Do you have an aspirin,
or a sledgehammer?

Why do you want to hang out
with these ladies?

They're mean.

One of them tried to trip me.

Yeah, that was me.

Yeah, I--I was trying
to impress them.

Sophie, I wished my mom
cared enough about me

to curl my baby eyelashes

like you do for Barbara.

Or just to intervene

when a neighborhood dog
took me away.

Sophie,

your text wasn't clear.

Should Barbara wear the leopard
onesie with the jean hat

or the jean onesie
with the leopard hat?

Also, I can't find
any of her toe rings.

Sophie, are you secretly caring
for your baby

while we're having mom's group?

You know what?

Fine.

Fine, I love my kid.

Well, why don't you marry her?

Should I?

No.

No, 'cause I'm a good mom,

and a good mom
doesn't marry her baby!

At least not in this country.

Let's go, baby.

Well, Meghan's dog walker gave
her some cat tranquilizers.

Why don't we go try those
in the Target parking lot?

Ugh, I can't wait to be a mom

so I can get
the good cat tranqs.

You know they didn't pay, right?

Hey, uh...

sorry to barge in, but I can't
stop thinking about--

Her boo-tay?

Uh, well, that table
is really unsteady.

If my boss knew,

I'd be furious.

I know, right?

I thought it was just me,

but I mean, look at it, I--

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I mean...

(both grunting)

Rock steady.

Perfect, actually.

Damn it.

You can't think of anything else
that needs to be fixed?

No, and it's really annoying.

You know what else is annoying?

You two not jammin'.

You like each other.
What's the problem?

-So you like me?
-Yeah.

-Okay, so I should call--
-Yes.

Good, 'cause I was this close
to calling my cousins

to come in and tear
this place apart.

-I'm gonna call you.
-Ciao mein.

-What?
-Nothing.

Wow, look at you.

I'm gonna have to
put the brakes on that

40-Year-Old-Virgin sequel.

I'm sorry I'm happy
when you're not happy.

I am happy...

for you.

I know you said you didn't
want to talk about it,

but why don't you just go to LA
to be with Randy?

(scoffs)

I can't go to LA.

I mean, there's too much
stuff here

they don't have there, like...

the Statue of Liberty.

You know she's my girl.

You never want to go.

And she invited us
when she said,

"Bring us your poor."

Plus, where would I find weed
in California?

I mean, the list goes on and on.

I wouldn't leave you either.