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1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:04,469
Hi, I'm Danny De Vito.
2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:07,306
We've just completed
filming five years of Taxi
3
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,975
and NBC thought it
was time to celebrate.
4
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:13,112
So, we put together
scenes from our best shows.
5
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,981
Now, if you've been watching
Taxi for the past five years,
6
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,783
you're in for some
great memories.
7
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,018
And if you haven't,
8
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:21,665
(muttering): you
dirty miserable...
9
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,288
Come on in here.
10
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:27,292
(theme song playing)
11
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,678
(loud whirring)
12
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,814
Excuse me, um, my
name's Elaine Nardo.
13
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,016
They told me to ask for Louie.
14
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,418
Yes, ma'am.
15
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,819
I'm Louie De Palma. Oh, hi.
16
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:29,254
I hope there's no trouble.
17
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,524
If there is, I'll be glad
to help in any way I can.
18
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,204
Oh, no, no, it's just
that they told me
19
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,771
I'd be starting work
today as a driver.
20
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,029
Oh, here's my hack license.
21
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,030
You're a cabdriver? Uh-huh.
22
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,743
What do you mean
busting my chops here,
23
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,345
making believe
you're a regular person.
24
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,669
Go wait over there!
25
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,049
I'll call your name and number!
26
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:48,251
Till then, keep your mouth shut!
27
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:50,275
What's wrong?
28
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:53,178
Don't they feed you in there?
29
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,813
Whoo.
30
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,249
Whoo, whoo.
31
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,650
Oh, you mustn't be too
upset with Louie, Miss.
32
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:00,919
He's really a very nice guy.
33
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,055
He'll give you the
scales off his back.
34
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,592
Well, I don't have to
worry too much about him.
35
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:09,272
I'm only gonna be
working here part-time.
36
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,806
Oh. Yeah, I have this other job,
37
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,008
Oh... where I work as...
38
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,166
Yeah, yeah, I know.
We're all part-time here.
39
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,235
I'm part-time.
40
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,868
I only work 60 hours a week.
41
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,971
No, really, I really work as a
receptionist at an art gallery.
42
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:22,151
Oh, yeah? No, I, I'm
not really a taxi driver.
43
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,342
No, no, I understand.
44
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,121
You see that guy over
there? Now he's an actor.
45
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,225
The guy on the phone?
He's a prizefighter.
46
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,226
This lady over here?
She's a beautician.
47
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,827
The man behind
her? He's a writer.
48
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,184
Me? I'm a cabdriver.
49
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,353
I'm the only
cabdriver in this place.
50
00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:38,123
Why is everyone
here just a little angry?
51
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:41,393
Okay, we got a lot of cabs here!
52
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,929
Reiger, 214.
53
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:47,999
Banta, 83-67.
54
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:51,403
Nardo, 15-32.
55
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:54,506
Wheeler, 999.
56
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:57,709
Gravas! Fix the horn on...
57
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:05,049
Jim, please don't be offended
by what I'm about to say,
58
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,686
but don't you ever feel
like you're wasting your life?
59
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,722
Me? No, no.
60
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:13,158
I have function in life.
61
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,993
I-I stand for something.
62
00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:19,431
Not everybody stands
for something, but I do.
63
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:23,401
I am the living
embodiment of the '60s.
64
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:27,338
Everything that came
along, I went with,
65
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:29,874
even if I didn't know
what it was, I went with it.
66
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:34,379
I marched in protest
against that crummy war.
67
00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:35,380
Is that so?
68
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,614
Pardon me?
69
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:37,683
Hey, hey, hey, Tony.
70
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,496
No, I got something
to say, Alex.
71
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,053
You know, the only reason why
guys like you got to stay home
72
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,656
protesting and getting
loaded is because guys like me
73
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,892
were over in Nam doing
your fighting for you.
74
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:48,260
What do you say to that?
75
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,928
Thank you.
76
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,838
You're welcome.
77
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,008
Take it easy, old man, and...
78
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,288
Good night. Hey, guys.
79
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,678
Let's get him a job.
80
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:07,912
Yeah, let's do that.
81
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:08,913
Doing what?
82
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,582
Are you kidding?
83
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,695
What kind of training
could he possibly have?
84
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:13,719
None.
85
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,331
What kind of skills
could we possibly have?
86
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,521
None.
87
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,868
What kind of job could
we possibly get him?
88
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,825
ALL: Cabdriver.
89
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,929
BOBBY: Here, let
me help you out, okay?
90
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,109
"Have you ever experienced
loss of consciousness,
91
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,477
"hallucinations, dizzy
spells, convulsive disorders,
92
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:30,479
fainting or periods
of loss of memory"?
93
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:32,504
Hasn't everyone?
94
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,038
Put "no."
95
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,111
Uh... "Mental illness
or narcotic addiction?"
96
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,846
That's a tough choice.
97
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,080
No.
98
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:47,786
Just put "no."
99
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:51,289
Okay, that's it.
100
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,525
You're ready for the test.
101
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:55,861
I thought this was the test!
102
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,329
No, no, no, this
is the application.
103
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,699
Oh, man!
104
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:01,799
Psst.
105
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:08,440
What does a yellow light mean?
106
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,242
Slow down.
107
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,243
Okay.
108
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:18,516
(slowly): What... does... a...
109
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:22,019
yellow... light... mean?
110
00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:24,222
Slow down.
111
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,190
Okay.
112
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:33,898
(slower): What... does... a...
113
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:42,240
yellow... light... mean?
114
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,242
Slow down!
115
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,341
(slower): What...
116
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:54,318
does...
117
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,557
a...
118
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:07,165
yellow... light... mean?
119
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,010
It doesn't get any better.
120
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,879
Hi.
121
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,482
I'm-I'm Alex.
122
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,094
You blew it. You could've said
123
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,529
you were looking for
another apartment.
124
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,520
No, I was looking
for this one... 3-D.
125
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:32,591
It fell off when I
knocked... on the door.
126
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,992
Well, my admirers will just
have to wander the halls
127
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,727
looking for me. Um...
128
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:38,996
I hate to disappoint
you, but I'm Angela.
129
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,833
Oh, here... Here's your "D."
130
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,468
You want to come in?
131
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,203
Huh? Yeah, sure.
132
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,308
You got guts.
133
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:55,213
Hey, Elaine, can I talk
to you for a minute?
134
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:56,981
Yeah, sure.
135
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,228
I-I don't want any
advice. I just want to talk.
136
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,318
Go ahead.
137
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:03,621
I can't stop thinking
about that girl.
138
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,824
You know, you're a terrific guy.
139
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,337
That's not what I want to hear.
140
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,461
Which just goes to show
you how terrific you are.
141
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,475
All night long, she kept accusing
me of going through the motions.
142
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:15,044
That, uh, I wouldn't call her
again because of her looks.
143
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,880
And I kept telling
her she was wrong.
144
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,136
Terrific.
145
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,505
But she wasn't wrong.
146
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,607
Oh, Alex, you, too? No.
147
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,520
Hey, listen, what I
can't figure out is that,
148
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,389
that hour I had with
her on the phone
149
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:29,013
was one of the greatest
conversations I've ever had.
150
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,860
A witty, bright, sensitive girl
151
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,495
who came to the
door disappeared.
152
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:33,629
What happened to her?
153
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:36,487
Maybe Angela ate her.
154
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:45,063
It wasn't just her looks.
155
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,531
She was also the bitterest,
156
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,534
surliest, most depressing
person I ever met.
157
00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:52,871
So how come I feel like I
have to go see her again?
158
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:55,306
So, what's on your mind?
159
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:00,611
Well, I, uh... I
don't really know.
160
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,980
I, uh...
161
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:05,617
I guess I would sort of like
to get to know you better.
162
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,617
Why?
163
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,818
Why not?
164
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:11,089
Well, you might not
know to look at me,
165
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,357
but, um, I'm not
exactly beautiful
166
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,560
or, uh, even good-looking.
167
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:16,961
I'm not quite plain.
168
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:19,230
Now feel free to jump
in and stop me anytime.
169
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,831
Hey, come on.
170
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,411
I'm no Robert Redford, you know.
171
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,936
I wouldn't mind looking
like you if I was a man.
172
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,637
Would you want to look like me?
173
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,974
It wouldn't be so bad.
174
00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:33,944
I'd, you know, kind
of fix up my hair
175
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,281
and, uh, I'd do that
sort of stuff with makeup
176
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:40,151
and, uh, I'd go to a gym
and, uh, I'd work on myself.
177
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,053
I mean, that's what I would do.
178
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,422
I mean, not that I'm saying
that you should do anything.
179
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:47,258
That's just what I would do.
180
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:51,396
Okay, uh, let's say I did
all the hairdo and makeup
181
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:53,142
and everything, dropped
ten or 70 pounds...
182
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,799
Do you think I'd be attractive?
183
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,202
Do you think I'd be attractive?
184
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,406
Yeah, sure, why not?
185
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,041
In a romantic sort of way?
186
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,156
You don't have to
answer. You could just nod.
187
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,646
(nervous chuckle)
188
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,850
Hey, look, uh, I'm not, uh,
189
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,097
I haven't been romantically
involved in eight years
190
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,520
and I'm not about to
break my streak right now.
191
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:19,157
Hey, look, we-we, uh,
192
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,791
we did have fun
talking on the phone
193
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:21,860
the other day, didn't we?
194
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,139
I mean, that was
sort of special.
195
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,729
Hey, look, I'm... I swear,
196
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,079
I'm not that, uh, comfortable
with that many people.
197
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,301
I just think that we
could get to be friends.
198
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,481
I can't believe you came
all the way back here
199
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,250
just because you
forgot to give me
200
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,584
the "let's be friends" speech.
201
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:37,241
Hey, can we drop that?
202
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:41,145
I just think I'd like to get to
know you better, that's all.
203
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,647
You want me to open up?
204
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,275
Would that make you happy?
205
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:49,654
Make you feel like you did
your good deed for the day?
206
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,123
Okay. Okay.
207
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,303
But then you better
plan on sticking around.
208
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,461
'Cause I'm not
standing here alone
209
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,775
with my insides on the
floor while, uh, you walk out
210
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,843
feeling you did the poor
fat girl some big favor
211
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,027
by helping her get in
touch with her feelings.
212
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:07,204
You want to be a hero?
213
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,041
Then be prepared to stick
around for the rest of the war, okay?
214
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,545
Maybe I will.
215
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,657
But can we start slower?
216
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,492
Like where we
went to high school?
217
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,716
And then we'll work up to
your insides on the floor.
218
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:26,957
Hey, Angela, I think we
had a normal moment there.
219
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,197
Huh?
220
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,765
(laughing)
221
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:37,134
Well, listen, you don't mind
if I get a little clear on, uh,
222
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,814
what we're trying
to establish here?
223
00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,082
Wouldn't make
you nuts, would it?
224
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,273
No, it would not make me nuts.
225
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:51,049
Uh... So, uh... So
what it is, is-is...
226
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:55,086
I could call you
whenever I feel like it?
227
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:58,022
If I need advice,
I could call you?
228
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,091
Yeah.
229
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:05,329
Uh, if you need advice,
you could call me?
230
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,131
Yep.
231
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,780
If we have something
interesting happening,
232
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,004
we could call each other?
233
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:15,373
Yeah.
234
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:18,142
We could call just
to shoot the breeze?
235
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,445
Yeah.
236
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:22,814
Yeah.
237
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:30,688
Or, uh... if I just need a hug?
238
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,440
Oh, you know how long
it's been since I cried?
239
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:49,573
No.
240
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:52,176
A half an hour.
241
00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,962
MAN: Conskufflement.
242
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,465
You are now husband and wife.
243
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:03,721
All right!
244
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,489
(cheering)
245
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,665
Is nothing personal.
I am a married man.
246
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,936
It's a very simple
choice, Latka.
247
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,671
Either you have sex with
me or you freeze to death.
248
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,175
Sex. Death.
249
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,411
Sex. Death.
250
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,412
Hmm.
251
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:36,154
Why don't you tell me a
little bit about yourself?
252
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,490
Oh, Simka, hello.
253
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,457
What are you doing here?
254
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:43,695
Well, you see, because
Latka has had sex
255
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:45,063
with someone he works with,
256
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:46,397
our priest has said
257
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:49,666
that I also must have sex
with someone he works with
258
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:52,081
if we wish to remain married.
259
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,573
And we decided that the last
man to enter the dinner party
260
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:57,341
would be the one.
261
00:12:57,410 --> 00:13:00,345
And, as you know,
you were tardy.
262
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,216
May I come in?
263
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,688
Yeah, I-I don't think I
understand any of this,
264
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,022
but come in.
265
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:14,659
I suppose you want to have
someone to talk to, right?
266
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,287
Talk is cheap. I want your body.
267
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,567
(chuckles anxiously)
268
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,068
You're not serious, are you?
269
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,937
It won't take long.
270
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:28,605
I know you have
to go to work soon.
271
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:31,409
I just want to have sex with
you and then I'll run along.
272
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,943
No, no, no, stop that!
273
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,745
Stop it... Stop it
right now. Stop it!
274
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,782
Alex, if you do not help us,
275
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,151
Latka and I must
circle each other once
276
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,420
and complete the
ancient divorce ritual,
277
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,556
and I will do anything to
keep that from happening.
278
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:49,027
See? Smooth, milky white. Yours.
279
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,896
Simka, Simka, no... stop that.
280
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,898
That's barbaric, you know that?
281
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,167
Are you telling me that
in that religion of yours
282
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,180
that, uh, two wrongs
actually make a right?
283
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:01,572
"In that religion of yours"?
284
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,641
Do you mock us?
285
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:07,811
Do I mock you because you do
not eat animals with cloven hooves
286
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,448
unless they chew their cud? No!
287
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,684
Your people knew
that it was unhealthy.
288
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,029
Please, Simka.
289
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,721
But our people know that
you cannot have intimacy again
290
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:19,423
without knowing
the pain of infidelity
291
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,169
that the other one went through.
292
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,095
Ours, like yours, is
a profound tradition
293
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,264
of tolerance,
brotherhood and faith.
294
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:31,068
Now, peel me like a grape,
so I can get out of here!
295
00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:37,574
I must take one last
look at you as my wife.
296
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:42,012
Simka... you will
always have my heart.
297
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,782
I don't need it without you.
298
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,752
I will miss you.
299
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,456
I will miss your touch.
300
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:55,393
Are they unhappy?
301
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:58,996
It's because they got divorced?
302
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:02,533
Yeah.
303
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,669
Why don't they just
get married again?
304
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:06,637
It's not that simple, Jim.
305
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,117
You think they'd go
through this kind of hell
306
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,701
if they could just marry again?
307
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,717
We must seek the
Reverend Gorky right away!
308
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,552
Jim, thank you.
309
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:22,853
(smooching)
310
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,689
Thank you very much.
311
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,958
Let's try to make
it work this time.
312
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:35,299
Well, sit down, tell
me about it. Come on.
313
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:38,735
See... I'm in a tough spot.
314
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,171
I really like Elaine.
315
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,806
You son of a gun, you!
316
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:46,311
Tony, the problem is I
like somebody else, too.
317
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,913
Oh. Somebody else?
318
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:51,048
Well, man, that's a problem.
319
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,296
It is a problem, Tony.
I feel bad about it.
320
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,552
Oh...
321
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,988
I honestly never meant
to get involved with Elaine.
322
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:58,422
Oh...
323
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,858
You remember the night I
came up to you two at the bar?
324
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:01,971
I said, "Are you two together?"
325
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,028
Yeah. I told you we weren't.
326
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,377
(sighs)
327
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:10,500
Well, she wasn't the
one I was after, Tony.
328
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,375
Oh, no?
329
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,614
No.
330
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,959
Oh, no, no, no, no...
331
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,664
He wants to date me.
332
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:42,132
No.
333
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,101
Yeah.
334
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,371
No, you must have
misinterpreted what he meant.
335
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,673
Well, he said my
simplicity was engaging
336
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,976
and that we'd be
wonderful together.
337
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:55,479
Oh, no.
338
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,593
Well, see, now the
point is here, Alex,
339
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,361
that this could go
rough on Elaine.
340
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,864
I mean, if she's getting serious
about him, she should know.
341
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,354
So, should I tell 'em?
342
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:05,523
No, I say he ought to tell her.
343
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,403
Someone's got to talk to
Kirk and set him straight...
344
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:10,661
as it were.
345
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,777
Thanks, Alex. Let me
know how it turns out.
346
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,534
No, no, no, no. I'm
not going to do it.
347
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,068
For once in my
life, I am not going
348
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,703
to let this thing get
dumped in my lap.
349
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,305
You tell him.
350
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,776
All right. I know it's my job,
351
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,022
but do you think you
could come along with me?
352
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,057
I mean, you don't
have to say nothing.
353
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,246
Oh, Tony...
354
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,625
All you got to do is sit
there and be a buddy.
355
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:31,961
Come on, Alex, please,
please, please, please.
356
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:33,162
All right, all right, all right.
357
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:34,318
I don't understand.
358
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,598
Why can't you do
this by yourself?
359
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,555
I can't be alone with him.
360
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,992
I'm the one he spends
tortured nights dreaming about.
361
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,293
He said that?
362
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,295
No, I'm just assuming.
363
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,532
This is a gay bar, isn't it?
364
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:49,778
Yeah, sure.
365
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,201
This your first time here?
366
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:52,803
Oh, yes, yes.
367
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,005
I'm sorry, I, uh...
368
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,584
I didn't mean by
saying "yes" so quickly
369
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,386
that I thought it'd be terrible
if I'd been here before.
370
00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,143
Because, well, actually, it
would not have been terrible
371
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:01,479
if I had been here before.
372
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:03,427
You know, I-I've
been meaning to.
373
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,617
Just out of
curiosity, of course.
374
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,397
No, I don't mean you're
a curiosity, but, I mean, I...
375
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,786
Let's not chat anymore.
376
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,855
I used to be such a
good chatter, you know?
377
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:12,990
(chuckles)
378
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,392
Look, uh, Kirk, I-I
have a really terrible,
379
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,428
uh, difficult thing
to talk to you about,
380
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:18,936
and I-I don't even
know how to start.
381
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,932
Alex, I think I can guess
what you're trying to tell me.
382
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,334
You can?
383
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,447
But I've already told
Elaine that I'm bisexual.
384
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:26,703
Shh!
385
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,373
Oh, okay. It's okay here.
386
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,574
I'm sorry.
387
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,820
Anyway...
388
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,478
we're still friends
and we had a fine talk.
389
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,046
Oh, and by the way,
390
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:40,451
I understand that Tony's not
interested and that's okay, too.
391
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,921
Oh, wow.
392
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,534
Can we have a couple of beers?
393
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:46,690
Sure.
394
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,637
Hey, chief, can we
get a couple beers?
395
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,694
Well, I thought this
was going to be difficult,
396
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,029
but instead it's a snap.
397
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:53,897
Boy, am I a lucky guy.
398
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,101
Excuse me. Would
you like to dance?
399
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,714
No, no, no, no, no. I'm
just having a beer with a pal.
400
00:18:58,738 --> 00:18:59,818
Thanks. Come on.
401
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:00,905
Don't be shy.
402
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,874
No, no, no, I really can't.
403
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,875
(disco dance music plays)
404
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,615
It's okay with me.
405
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:16,920
Whoa!
406
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:27,231
I-I'll just...
407
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,374
Good step.
408
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,346
Duck! What?
409
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,697
Thanks, pal. Thank
you very much.
410
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,354
Yeah, one, two, three, ha!
411
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,022
One, two, three, go!
412
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,091
One, two, three, step!
413
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,959
One, two, three, dance!
414
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,895
One, two, three, dance!
415
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:05,369
(dance music continues)
416
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,910
(all cheering and whooping)
417
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:17,848
(all shouting encouragement)
418
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:23,554
(cheering, whooping)
419
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,627
(rhythmic clapping)
420
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:35,299
(cheering and dance
music continue)
421
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,110
Alex, Elaine's heart
is getting broken
422
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,938
and you're having a
great time here, dancing.
423
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:06,464
(theme song playing)
424
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:54,523
WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!
425
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:55,679
(man grumbling)
29779
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